Chapter Text
Buck woke with a groan. His body felt heavy, and horribly sore. Like he’d fallen down a cliff, aching all over. He was having trouble breathing, and oh god, there was something covering his mouth.
What’s going on? He tried to pull whatever was over his mouth off – but his hands wouldn’t move. Am I paralysed? he wondered blearily, trying to open his eyes. They felt heavy as well, like they didn’t want to open.
Oh god, did I get hurt at work again?
He stopped trying to move, because he apparently couldn’t; and it hurt to try. He tried to think instead. Tried to remember the last thing he could. It took longer than he wanted, his mind foggy and uncooperative. Thinking made his head throb.
After what felt like far too long, Buck was able to open his eyes.
As he’d suspected, he was in a hospital. He could see – and feel – a tube in his throat, but he could barely move. I’ve been intubated, Buck realised. It felt awful, a huge, intrusive thing going in his mouth and down his throat. He instinctively tried to cough, but nothing happened. They’ve paralysed my muscles, so I don’t gag on it, he realised as the confusion cleared further and he was able to recall intubation procedures. But why am I here?
I wasn’t at work. We’re off shift, because Eddie is in Texas and – oh my god Chris was with me! Adrenalin flooded through Buck as he remembered. I was looking after Chris – and Jee too – and oh my god someone broke into my flat! Where are they, where are Chris and Jee?
Fear burst inside and somewhere behind him the beeping of a heart monitor increased to a rapid, staccato beat, then a loud alarm went off, scaring him even more.
People dressed in scrubs rushed into the room and surrounded him, pushing him down. Buck hadn’t even realised that he was lifting himself off the bed.
“Sir, you need to calm down or you’ll hurt yourself!” one of the nurses was speaking to him, her face hovering above his as she pressed on his shoulders, holding him down.
“Where’s Chris and Jee?” Buck tried to ask, but he couldn’t speak with the tube in his throat, and only made garbled gurgling.
“Don’t try to speak, you’ve got a tube in your throat to help you breathe. Please sir, you need to calm yourself down!” the nurse said loudly, and Buck thumped his head back against the pillow in frustration.
I know I’ve got a tube in my throat! I need to know where Chris and Jee are! Buck thought, completely frustrated. What happened to them, are they alright? Did they get hurt? Maybe I can write a note and ask.
He tried to lift his hand, to make signs asking for pen and paper, but it wouldn’t respond. Something was around his wrist, stopping his hand from moving. He tried his other hand, and it was the same. What the hell?
“Sir! We’re giving you something to help you calm down, then we can see if you can breathe on your own. If you can, and if your reflexes are strong enough, we can extubate you. But you need to stop fighting, alright?”
The fear overwhelming Buck started to drift away then, and a feeling of serenity flowed over him. He managed to nod at the nurse, blinking his eyes as well, and she nodded back.
“That’s better.”
The people around him kept doing whatever it was they were doing, and Buck found he didn’t care anymore. He wasn’t even worried about Jee, or Chris, and it seemed like he should be worried about them, but he just… wasn’t.
“Can you cough?” someone was asking him, and he hummed, which was very strange with this thing inside him, then shook his head. He had a tube in his throat, of course he couldn’t cough.
“Not ready for extubation yet. Keep him sedated, we don’t want him fighting it like that again.”
The feeling of peace stayed with him after they all left, and Buck drifted, unconcerned with anything at all. He didn’t think of anything much at all as he lay there, waiting for… something.
There was something he should be thinking of, but he just couldn’t quite make the thoughts stick long enough to make any sense.
His eyelids fluttered, closing once, then twice. He tried to stay awake. Tried to remember the important thing, but he couldn’t.
The next time Buck’s eyelids closed, they didn’t reopen.
He slept.
------
When Buck woke again, he remembered where he was. And he remembered that he didn’t know what had happened to Chris, or to Jee.
He was still intubated.
Lifting his head to look for the call button, Buck noticed that he was alone in the room. That was strange. He thought Maddie would have been there, or maybe Bobby. Eddie was in Texas, so he couldn’t be here, but surely someone else would have come.
Unless Chris and Jee had been hurt too.
No no no, god no please don’t let them be hurt, Buck prayed, not even caring that he didn’t really believe in God.
The heart monitor sped up again, and Buck tried to calm himself down. He didn’t want to be drugged again. Needed to stay conscious, so he could find out what had happened to Chris and Jee.
He tried to find the call button again – and for the first time saw why his hands weren’t working.
They were handcuffed to the railings of the bed.
What the Fuck? Why am I handcuffed?
Fear surged through him again, and the heart monitor alarm was triggered again, which was actually kind of useful since he had no other way of getting help.
Nurses came in once more, and then a doctor, and this time he was able to calm himself quicker, so they didn’t drug him again. When they asked him to cough, he tried really hard, and managed to do it. They sounded pleased, and said they were going to extubate him, and that was good, because then he would be able to talk, and to find out what had happened to the kids.
Buck cooperated with everything the doctor and nurses asked him to do, and endured the extubation process as best he could. His cheeks stung as they peeled the tape off. He took a deep breath when instructed, then coughed when told to, and the tube was whisked out of his throat as he did.
It felt wonderful, having the obstruction removed from his throat, and he breathed on his own gratefully, even though something in his chest hurt a lot when he did. His throat was sore, and dry. When he tried to clear it to ask for water, a nurse appeared with a plastic tumbler that had a straw sticking out of it. She held it for him to sip out of, but didn’t meet his eyes or smile back when he smiled his thanks at her.
The rest of the staff had left the room by then, except for an orderly standing by the door, watching him. The nurse did all the usual medical checks, and took his blood pressure. But she didn’t talk to Buck, at all.
“Chris-” Buck started to ask, and had to stop to clear his throat again, swallowing against the soreness in his throat. “Chris and Jee, are they okay?” His voice was much weaker than usual, barely louder than a whisper.
“I’ve been instructed not to tell you anything,” the nurse said, and her tone was definitely cold, sending chills through Buck.
“The detectives investigating your case have been called now that you’re awake, and they’ll be here to arrest you soon.”
“What?” Buck exclaimed, shocked very nearly speechless. “Why?”
“They’ll inform you when they get here,” she said curtly, and left the room. Before she went through the door, she turned back. “Oh, and in case you’re thinking about escaping, don’t. There’s an officer in the hall – and you have a tube sticking out of your lung. If you run, you’ll probably die.”
I’ll die? Buck thought, mind spinning as he tried to make sense of what she’d said. How would he even escape, he was handcuffed to the bed! But he didn’t matter. Chris and Jee did. They must have been hurt – and they think I did it, Buck realised. Why else would I be handcuffed, and guarded?
Then, oh my god, what if they were killed?
The thought burst into his head like an explosion, and Buck felt physically sick. But it was the only reason he could think of for why they thought he’d hurt them. Because Chris would tell them that it wasn’t Buck, if he could. So he mustn’t be able to, for some reason.
Please don’t let them be hurt, or dead. Please. Not them. They’re too young. They deserve to live, to grow up, to be loved by everyone. I should have fought harder. Should have protected them better. This is all my fault. Oh god please don’t let them be hurt, or dead.
The prayer repeated in his head over and over as tears slid down his cheeks.
Buck didn’t know how much time had passed before several police officers entered the room.
“Please!” he begged them instantly, “Please, can you tell me if the kids are okay?”
“As if you deserve to know anything about them,” one of the officers sneered at him, and Buck flinched. “What’s your name?”
“Evan Buckley,” he replied, and looks of anger appeared on their faces.
“Don’t lie to us, we’re not idiots. What is your name?”
“It’s Evan Buckley!” he told them again, and one of them took a step forward and leant down, putting his face right in front of Buck’s.
“Do Not Lie To Us. We’ve got you dead to rights, and you’ll be going away for a long time for your crimes. Make it a little easier on yourself and stop lying!”
Fear started growing within him again as they refused to listen to him. “Look, I’m not lying to you. Check my ID, you’ll see I’m not!”
“You don’t have any ID,” he was brusquely told then.
Oh. “The intruder took my wallet?” he asked, and they all scoffed.
“You have to listen to me!” he pleaded then, “I’m Evan Buckley. I was at home, looking after my… my friend’s son, and my niece, when someone broke into my apartment. I need to know if they’re alright, if they’re hurt or-” he stopped, unable to say it out loud.
There was no sign of belief on any of their faces, as they surrounded his bed and stared down at him. Buck felt like an ant, pinned under a magnifying glass in the sun, about to be burnt to death. He was even sweating.
“Let me by, dammit!” an angry voice came from the hall then, and the familiar sound of Athena Grant had never sounded sweeter to Buck’s ears.
“Athena!” he cried out, sore throat making his voice crack, and a startled sounding “Buck?” was called back, then, “Get the hell out of my way right now sonny or I’ll have your badge!” and seconds later Athena was in the door way, staring at him as desperately as he was staring at her.
“Buck! How on earth- did you morons arrest the victim? How the hell did you manage to do that? Didn’t you ask him what his name was?” Athena fired question after question at the other officers as she advanced on them, visibly bristling in anger. None of them answered her, the junior officers eyes going to the senior officer as if waiting for him to speak.
“Get those hand cuffs off him right now!” Athena demanded, then didn’t bother waiting for them to respond, moving to one side of the bed and unlocking the cuffs there with her own keys, then moving to the other and repeating her action.
“Sergeant, I have to ask you to stop-” the senior officer started, and she turned to pin him with a glare. It would almost be funny if Buck wasn’t so scared. Athena was the smallest person there, but her ferocity made her seem much larger. He was glad that he wasn’t her target.
“Officer,” Athena somehow managed to make the rank an insult, “this man is the resident, not the intruder. I have personally known him for almost five years. He is a highly respected LAFD firefighter. We have been searching for him ever since we discovered he was missing, fearing the worst, when his sister went to his home to pick up her daughter. And you’ve had him here the whole time? Did you even *try* to ID him? Or think to notify his next of kin?”
Buck was so damned glad to see her, he almost couldn’t speak. But he had to know.
“Athena,” he butted in, not caring about the other officers anymore. “Are Chris and Jee- are they alright? Did they get hurt?” he asked, voice shaking as his fear for them surged again.
“No sugar, they didn’t. They’re absolutely fine. Maddie has them both, and Eddie is flying home right now.” Athena pressed her hand down on his forearm firmly as she spoke, grounding him with her words and her touch.
“Oh thank god,” Buck sighed out, eyes closing with the force of his relief. He took a deeper breath, and relaxed back against his pillow. Athena would sort this whole sorry mess out.
“He was unconscious at the scene, we couldn’t ID him-” the first officer started to say, and Athena rounded on him again.
“So what, you just decided he was a junkie breaking in? Does he look like a junkie to you? He has no track marks; no blood shot eyes. Was he slurring, or did he have tremors like junkies have? Does he look unhealthy? Pale or malnourished? My god, did you attempt any sort of analysis at all, or did you just make an assumption and stick with it?”
Athena had hit her stride now, and was a sight to behold. She was visibly bristling as she shouted at the other officers.
“The paramedics were treating him and we were busy dealing with the children ma’am, they were upset,” one of the other officers spoke up hesitantly, standing slightly behind the senior officer. “They’d been locked in the bathroom and told to stay there, it looked like a case of child abandonment-”
“What about the older child, did you interview him at all? Why didn’t you ask him to identify this man, if he was truly unconscious like you say?” Athena shot back at them, pinning them with another glare.
“The boy is crippled, he wasn’t a reliable source-” the senior officer started to say, and Athena’s mouth fell open in shock even as Buck’s did the same thing.
“Hey!” he protested angrily, but Athena spoke over him. Yelled over him, really.
“Do you mean to tell me that you saw a physical disability on a child and decided that he wasn’t capable of giving evidence?!” she shouted, fists clenched as she advanced on the other officer’s step by step.
“We thought-”
“You thought,” Athena sneered. “What evidence did you base any of your theories on? Residential bathrooms lock from the inside, not the outside. Those children locked themselves in there when this man told them too, so they’d be protected from the intruder! He wasn’t abandoning them; he was saving them! He has no physical signs of addiction, in fact he’s obviously extremely healthy, as he should be since he’s a first responder. And that child that you decided was an unreliable witness purely because of a physical disability is the top of his class in school! He gets higher marks than my own son does!”
By the time she’d finished speaking, Athena was standing toe to toe with the senior officer and glaring at him like she wanted to take him by the ear and shake him vigorously.
“No!” she cut him off when he opened his mouth, “Don’t even. I am done with the lot of you. Give me your names and your badge numbers. I’ll be reporting your incompetence to your superiors, and to the Police Commissioner as well. I’ll also be insisting that all of you complete mandatory crime scene analysis and victim interview method courses; as well as sensitivity training; disability awareness training and anti-discrimination training. You’re lucky I don’t go after your badges. Now get out.”
The room was utterly silent after she finished. The police officers looked like whipped dogs as their information was written down before they left the room without speaking.
Buck couldn’t stop staring at Athena, more than a little impressed with her intimidating manner towards the officers. He’d always known she was an excellent police officer, but seeing her rip someone to shreds like that had left him in awe. He was also a tiny little bit frightened of her, and very, very glad that she was on his side. I am not ever gonna piss her off, ever again, he thought to himself very quietly.
“Buck honey, how are you doing? Are you in any pain?” Athena’s voice was completely different as she came to his side again. Soft, like Maddie’s when she spoke to Jee.
“Umm. Yeah, I am,” he admitted, as he shifted awkwardly on the bed, trying to sit up.
“Don’t try to sit up, Buck. You’ve got a tube coming out of your chest, you might dislodge it. I’ll call a nurse,” Athena said.
“Thanks Athena,” Buck told her quietly. “I couldn’t reach the call button.”
“I can’t believe they handcuffed you,” Athena started again, and he interrupted her.
“It doesn’t matter. Is Chris really alright? And Jee? He must have been terrified, hearing what happened. Eddie’s never going to leave him alone with me again. God, he’s going to hate me. It’s all my fault,” Buck sighed, and rubbed his hands over his face, grateful that he could move his arms again.
The nurse came in then, but stopped in the doorway, staring at his now uncuffed wrists, and looking nervous.
“Oh get in here, this man is not a criminal, he was a victim of a home invasion and was injured defending two children. The police incorrectly identified him as the intruder but the matter has been cleared up now,” Athena said in an irritated voice.
“He needs pain medication; has he been given any since he woke up? I’d better not find that his care has been compromised because of a case of mistaken identity,” she warned the nurse ominously, whose eyes widened as she shook her head.
“Athena, calm down. I only woke up a little while ago,” Buck told her, not wanting to antagonise the nurse. It wasn’t the hospital’s fault they’d been given the wrong information.
“Hmph,” Athena muttered, narrowing her eyes at the nurse. “Have you told your patient what his condition is?”
“I’ll- I’ll fetch the doctor,” the nurse replied with her eyes downcast, then fled.
“Athena,” Buck groaned, “Please don’t scare the people who will be looking after me for however long I’m going to be stuck here.”
Looking contrite, Athena bit her lip, then said, “I’m sorry baby. I guess I’m a bit riled up about what happened to you. And Eddie is not going to hate you, he knows that you did everything you could to protect those children. Including getting stabbed, apparently.”
A doctor came into the room then, followed by the nurse, and together they checked Buck’s vitals, questioned him on how he was feeling, and gave him pain medication.
“Mr Buckley, you suffered a penetrating trauma that collapsed your lung, producing both a traumatic pneumothorax and a haemothorax. You went into cardiac arrest and did not respond immediately to airway opening, so your pleural cavities were decompressed by finger thoracostomy, concurrent with efforts to restore the circulating blood volume. After you were resuscitated and the thoracostomy performed, a chest drain was inserted, and you were intubated,” the doctor informed them, and Buck blinked a few times at the rapid onslaught of clinical information. Athena’s face had lost a few shades of colour.
“You then underwent surgery to repair the damage caused by the penetrating trauma, with optimal results,” the doctor continued, “Fluids will be administered to replace what was lost for the next twenty-four hours at minimum; and we will be closely monitoring both the output of the drain and your vitals during that time to ensure that haemorrhage control is maintained.”
“Oh,” Buck said faintly. He hadn’t realised he’d had to be resuscitated, or that his lung had collapsed. No wonder he felt so awful. At least the pain medication was starting to take effect, easing the agony that had been growing in his chest. It was making him drowsy as well.
“What sort of recovery time am I looking at?” he asked the doctor apprehensively.
“Six to eight weeks barring complications,” was the answer, and Buck sighed. More time off work, great.
“You also have a zygomatic fracture; a periorbital hematoma; lacerations around your lips and multiple contusions on your arms and chest,” the doctor informed him.
“And defensive wounds to his hands,” Athena pointed out snarkily, pointing to Buck’s knuckles.
“Yes, of course,” the doctor said, then took his leave with the nurse following immediately after.
Buck tipped his head back against the pillow and closed his eyes with a sigh. His pain had almost completely been subsumed by the medication by then, and he was feeling worn out.
“Kids are really okay?” he mumbled to Athena, still worried about them.
“They are. I’m going to call Maddie now and let her know you’re alright. Bobby, Hen and Chimney are all with her and Chris and Jee Yun, and Eddie will be arriving soon, if he hasn’t already. You rest, Buck. I’m not going anywhere. You’re safe now,” Athena said reassuringly, and he sighed again, letting himself drift off.
Just before he fell completely asleep, he felt her hand on his forehead, stroking his hair gently. It felt nice.
Eddie’s going to be so angry, was the last thought that floated through Buck’s mind before he slept.
-------
The flight home from El Paso had been very nearly unendurable. Stuck in a flying tin can with people who wanted to talk to him was driving Eddie up the wall. It’s only two hours. I can do this for two hours, he kept telling himself as his hands clenched and unclenched repeatedly.
It wasn’t two hours of course. It never is. The plane was slow to leave the gate at the terminal. Slow to taxi down the runway. And apparently they were flying against a headwind the whole freaking way, because it was two hours and eighteen minutes from lift off to landing in LA. Not that Eddie was counting.
Who was he kidding, of course he was counting.
His son had been in danger, and Eddie hadn’t been there. He knew exactly how many minutes it had been from the second he’d hung up on Maddie. When he finally had Chris in his arms and knew the full story, he’d add the time until that happened as well. Adding every minute in red to the ledger in his head titled “Ways I have failed my son.”
He had an entirely different list for Buck. It was called ‘Reasons I love Buck’ and protecting Chris again had just been bumped up to the top of that one. There were many other, more personal to Eddie himself, reasons on that list, but he couldn’t think about that right now. Not when he didn’t even know what had happened to Buck, or if he was even alright. It wasn’t the time for pining, only worrying.
As the plane was taxiing towards the gate at LAX, Eddie took his phone off airplane mode and it lit up with missed calls and text messages. A huge sigh whooshed out of him as he read that Maddie had Chris and they were at her home. She’d sent a picture of them eating dinner together, and Eddie scrutinised it carefully, zooming in and analysing everything he could see.
Chris was wearing a different shirt than the one he’d been wearing in the pictures that Buck had sent Eddie earlier that day. The ones of Chris feeding Jee her lunch, and holding her while giving her a bottle. The ones that sent pangs of longing throbbing through Eddie as he’d pictured him and Buck maybe having their own baby one day. Judging by how happy Chris had looked in those pictures, Eddie thought he’d be on board with the idea. Eddie just had to man up and somehow talk about his feelings to Buck. Somehow get over his fear of ‘what if he doesn’t feel the same way’ and do it. The thought spiral he’d had hours ago over those photos briefly resurfaced as Eddie looked at the most recent one of Chris from Maddie, and he shoved it away. It wasn’t the time. Chris needed him.
He didn’t recognise the shirt Chris was wearing now. But his son was smiling, at least, looking at Jee fondly. It was smaller than his usual wide grin, but was a smile, nevertheless. Jee looked like she always did, but Chris had dark shadows under his eyes. They were pinched in the corners too, the way they got when Chris’s muscle tightness was causing him pain.
His hair was damp, curls springing wildly in every direction, so Eddie guessed that he’d showered at Maddie’s. Okay, Eddie calmed himself down as he sent a quick reply saying he’d just landed. Chris is safe, warm, clean and fed. He’ll need a good massage, and possibly even some pain killers tonight, but he’s not hurt. There was no way of knowing from a photo how Chris was doing emotionally, but Eddie would figure that out when they were together again.
There was a message from Bobby saying he’d pick Eddie up at the airport. Shooting a quick reply to him confirming he’d landed; Eddie was beyond grateful that he didn’t have to worry about how he was going to get from there to Maddie’s.
One from Athena saying she was still looking for Buck ruined Eddie’s hopes of three for three on the good news front.
The lightening of worry that he’d started to feel abruptly plummeted again, and his thoughts switched from worry – guilt – fear – stress over Chris to worry – fear – anxiety – unease over Buck. Where was he – and how was he? Was he hurt? Lying unconscious somewhere – or god forbid, dead?
Once again, Eddie shoved those thoughts and feelings aside. The plane was at the terminal by then, and he moved to the front the moment they were allowed to stand. He had no luggage, not even a carry on. He’d left everything at his parents’ house, and had only the clothes he was wearing, his phone and his wallet.
Adrianna had driven him to the airport in El Paso because his hands had been shaking too much to drive. And Pepa had assured him that she’d bring his luggage home the next day, when she returned on the flight they’d originally scheduled. His parents had paid for this flight without even making a fuss about it, insisting that he just go, go to his son, as quickly as he could. They hadn’t said a single thing to make him feel like a bad parent, not one, and after his talk with his father earlier it had been a refreshing change. Perhaps there was hope for a better relationship with his parents, at last.
As he disembarked, Eddie sent them all a message on the family WhatsApp chat saying he’d landed and updating them about Chris. Immediate replies showed they’d been waiting to hear from him – and they all asked about Buck, even his parents, which surprised him. The support and encouragement that came after his negative reply to that surprised him all over again. The yo-yoing of his emotions was making Eddie’s head ache.
Bobby was standing right in front of the exit gate inside the terminal and pulled Eddie into a tight embrace the moment he was close. He hadn’t expected that, and tensed at first, but then relaxed into it and hugged Bobby back. Then Eddie felt his shoulders start to tremble, and pulled away. He couldn’t afford to break down now.
Instead, he tried to sniff the congestion in his nose away quietly, and said, “Thanks Bobby.”
“I’m here for you Eddie. We all are. Let’s get you to your boy,” Bobby replied, squeezing Eddie’s shoulder reassuringly.
On the road, Eddie realised that he hadn’t been to wherever Maddie was living now. But the route that Bobby was taking didn’t seem right. “Where are we going?”
“Chris insisted that I go and pick up something called Baby Seal from Buck’s place. He said Jee needs it to sleep,” Bobby told him, “It’s not far from Maddie’s so I said I would.”
Eddie’s heart grew a size as he heard about his son’s thoughtfulness. “He bought it for her the last time we went to the zoo with them,” he told Bobby.
The warmth of that vanished when he stood in Buck’s doorway, looking at the pool of blood on the floor. The blood at the bottom of the stairs leading up to where his son had hidden, with an infant. From a violent home intruder.
“Is that Buck’s blood?” Eddie asked in a strangled voice, horror lodging in his throat so he could barely speak.
Shaking his head, Bobby told him how the police had taken the intruder into custody, that he’d fallen down the stairs onto his knife. There’d been someone that close to my son, with a knife. The idea sent chills through Eddie.
Eddie’s eyes were drawn up the stairs, to the open door of the bathroom up there. Where Chris and Jee had hidden. He had to see for himself. Stepping carefully around the blood, Bobby right behind him, they went up the stairs and stood at the door of the bathroom. Just as Athena had, they saw the mess of an inexpertly changed diaper. The bassinet in the shower. Conflicting emotions assaulted Eddie yet again, as he felt horror for what the children had endured, and pride for Chris.
“Come on. Let’s go,” Bobby prompted Eddie before he grabbed the little plush seal toy from the bassinet. “Chris is waiting for you.”
“Ye-,” the word stuck in his throat, and Eddie cleared it hoarsely, “yeah.” He needed to hold his child with a desperation that shook him.
Seeing Buck’s apartment like that, with chairs knocked over, blood on the floor and the mess in the bathroom had brought all of Eddie’s worry for Chris and Buck back to the surface. Varying scenarios presented themselves to his mind one after another, so vivid that he barely even noticed the drive to Maddie’s.
“We’re here,” Bobby’s voice jolted him out of his preoccupation, and Eddie jerked. His hands were trembling again, protesting his constant clenching and unclenching.
“Right. Thanks Bobby,” he said, consumed by the need to have Chris in his arms as soon as possible.
“Apartment three,” Bobby’s voice followed him as he bolted for the building entrance. Eddie just waved an arm in acknowledgement and kept going.
The door opened before his raised fist could hit it, Chimney greeting him with a pointing finger and “He’s in there,” as he stepped out of Eddie’s way. Eddie muttered his thanks as he rushed past Chim and into the open living area of the flat, ready to pull Chris into his arms the second he saw him. He might never let him go again.
He stopped with a lurch at the scene he found.
Chris was lying on his stomach on the dining table, on a thick mat of folded blankets. He was shirtless, and Maddie was next to him, her hands on his shoulders.
“Dad!” Chris cried eagerly, and he pushed himself up onto his elbows. “Dad!”
Staggering from the onslaught of feelings flowing through him, Eddie stumbled to Chris’s side and helped him turn to sit up on the table, then pulled him into his arms and held on tightly. Chris was holding him just as hard, and they stayed there, clutching each other at last.
Eddie could feel Chris’s warm body in his arms, against his chest. He nuzzled his lips into Chris’s hair, smelling the familiar scent that belonged only to his son. Holding him close against his own chest, Eddie wrapped his arms around Chris’s small body as if he could protect him from every bad thing that could ever happen to him. He was shuddering from the strength of his emotions, and could feel Chris shaking as well.
Then Chris was pulling away from him, and Eddie wasn’t ready to let go. But Chris was shuffling around to lie down again, and pulled Eddie by the hand towards the head of the table.
“Aunt Maddie is giving me a massage, Dad. She’s really good at it,” Chris said, still holding Eddie’s hand as he rested his head on a small cushion atop the table.
“Here, sit on this,” Chimney offered, moving to pull out a chair for Eddie to sit on.
He nodded his thanks and sat, resting his forehead against the top of Chris’s head with a sigh. Eddie didn’t feel like he was capable of speech at that moment. Just closed his eyes and kept breathing in the scent of his living, safe child, running his fingers through Chris’s hair.
“Chris’s muscles have been troubling him,” Maddie voice came from above, “He held Jee the whole time, at Evan’s home and at the police station, and it made him very stiff and sore. He told me that his type of CP is spastic diplegia and we talked about how massage helps him when his muscle tightness gets bad. I’ve had training in deep tissue massage and thought it might help.”
It was too much. Tears pricked at Eddie’s eyes and he blinked them away, sniffling into Chris’s hair. He took a deep breath and lifted his head, managing a watery, “Thanks Maddie. For everything,” before needing to swallow the tears that threatened to overflow away.
“How are you, Chris?” he asked then, stroking Chris’s hair back from his forehead as Maddie continued massaging, working on Chris’s legs now. “It must have been so scary for you.”
“It was Daddy, but I’m not scared now. I feel too gooey. Aunt Maddie gives really good massages,” Chris told him, sounding very relaxed.
“I know,” Chim piped up from behind Eddie with an audible leer in his tone. Eddie hadn’t even noticed that Chim was sitting on the couch now, next to Hen, and Bobby.
“Eww. TMI Chim!” Hen complained, shoving him in the side as Bobby rolled his eyes.
“It was mostly confusing, Dad,” Chris’s tired voice came quietly from below Eddie’s hand. “I didn’t know why Buck wanted to play hide and seek when we’d been napping; and then I thought he was trying to get a pigeon out, and then it sounded like he was making schnitzels.”
What? Trying to decipher what Chris meant, Eddie looked at Maddie with a frown. She mimed a fist hitting her hand, and he felt his eyes widen as he realised what Chris had heard. Oh god Buck.
“But then Buck made the same sound you did Daddy, when you tried to get the big pot down from the top of kitchen cupboards that time when you forgot about your sore arm. You know, when you yelled really loud and said a bad word.”
Eddie remembered the time. He’d thought he was going to pass out, the pain had been so bad. They’d had toasted sandwiches instead of spaghetti for dinner that night, because Buck had been on shift and he hadn’t been able to get the large saucepan down. He hadn’t realised that Chris had heard his cry of pain that day.
Chris had kept talking as the thoughts had flickered through Eddie’s head, and he squinted to follow what he was saying.
“I think someone hurt Buck, Daddy. Hurt him really bad. He wasn’t there when the police came and I don’t know where he went. Did the bad man take him away?”
The relaxed tone was gone from Chris’s voice then, and he propped himself up on his elbows again to look at Eddie. His son was looking at him for answers, and he had none. Eddie opened his mouth to answer, but Chris spoke again first, sounding unbearably young.
“Is Buck dead Daddy?”
The words dropped into the room like a grenade into a pool of water. There was complete silence, then sound exploded as the others all rushed to reassure Chris at once.
“No!”
“He’s not dead!”
“God sweetheart, no!”
“No Chris, he’s not!”
Eddie didn’t say anything. Just stared into his son’s blue eyes, so like Buck’s even though they weren’t connected by blood. He couldn’t voice the same denial the others had, because there was a chance that Buck was dead, and he wouldn’t lie to his son.
“I hope he’s not, Chris. I really, really hope he’s not,” Eddie whispered, pulling Chris off the table and onto his lap. Chris was big now, and they hadn’t sat like this for a long time, but he didn’t protest. Just snuggled into Eddie’s chest as a long breath stuttered out of him. Chris’s skin was slippery from the massage oil, but Eddie didn’t care. They needed to hold each other close.
Multiple pings sounded throughout the room then, as a message arrived in the group WhatsApp. Eddie slid his phone out of his pocket, manoeuvring awkwardly around Chris on his lap. Before he’d even managed to open the message, cries of happiness were erupting around the room.
“Athena found him!”
“Buck’s alive!”
“Oh thank god.”
“How did he end up in hospital?”
Chris grabbed Eddie tighter as he finally managed to swipe the message from Athena open and see it for himself.
She’d sent a photo of Buck, asleep in a hospital bed. His face was pale, except for where a massive bruise covered one cheek, merging with a vivid black eye. It was so dark, his birthmark wasn’t visible. His lips were swollen, bruised and split, but his countenance was relaxed in slumber. At least, Eddie hoped it was sleep, and not something worse.
“Buck’s okay Daddy?” Chris’s voice sounded hopeful as he looked at the picture as well.
“I think so, mijo,” Eddie replied, holding him close as he closed his eyes and sent up a prayer of gratitude.
Maddie’s phone rang then, and she greeted Athena, then put the call on speaker.
“Everyone’s here, Eddie too, he just got here,” she told Athena.
‘That’s good,” Athena’s voice replied, and then she told them what had happened to Buck. How he’d been mistaken for the intruder by incompetent police officers. Her disgust was evident in the names that she began to call them before Maddie hastily told her that Chris was listening too.
“Is Buck badly hurt?” Eddie quickly asked before Athena continued her rant. He was angry about that as well, but Buck was more important.
“He-” Athena paused, and Eddie’s guts tightened in anticipation of bad news. “He was stabbed in the chest. There were some… complications,” and as she paused again Eddie realised that she was editing her words for Chris’s sake. “but he’ll be fine in time. He was awake before, but the pain medication sent him to sleep.”
“Chris, why don’t you and I go and see if Denny’s pyjamas fit you as well as his shirt did,” Hen suggested, bringing Chris’s crutches over to him. Eddie smiled gratefully at her in recognition that she’d brought the change of clothes for Chris, and at her skill in removing him from the room so they could get more details from Athena.
“Okay, but I know that you just want me to go so Mama ‘Thena can tell you all the things about Buck that you think I’m too young to know. I’m not a baby, you know Auntie Hen,” Chris said pointedly, glaring at them all.
Smiles appeared on everyone’s faces at that, and there were quick words of reassurance to Chris that no-one thought he was a baby. Bobby said how impressed he was that Chris had changed Jee’s dirty diaper as Eddie nodded. Athena confirmed her pride in him for that as well, while Maddie and Chimney both looked surprised. Eddie guessed that no-one had told them what Chris had done, not even Chris himself.
Once Chris was safely out of the room, Athena gave them more information. She spoke rapidly, and the words hit Eddie one after another. Pneumothorax. Haemothorax. Cardiac arrest. Resuscitation. There were more, but even as he heard them, it was cardiac arrest; and resuscitation that echoed in Eddie’s head.
Buck had died.
Buck had died, protecting Chris, and Jee.
“I need to see him.” The words startled Eddie as he realised it was he who’d spoken them.
“So do I,” Chris said from where he’d been standing behind Hen. She’d been leaning against the wall in the hallway door, and none of them had noticed Chris hiding behind her.
“Chris you’ve had a very long day,” Eddie started to object, and Chris shook his head, folding his arms and staring at him determinedly.
“I can handle it. I need to see Buck – and he needs to see me,” Chris said firmly as he won the battle of wills with Eddie.
“I’ll drive,” Bobby spoke then, and Eddie sighed.
Maddie looked at Chimney, towards the hallway where Eddie guessed Jee must be sleeping, then stood taller, saying “I’m coming too. Howie, you’ll stay with Jee?” and Chim nodded at once.
“We’ll need to hurry, visiting hours are almost over,” Bobby stood.
“Don’t you worry about that,” Athena’s voice came through the phone’s speaker, “I’ll take care of things at this end,” her tone foreboding. “I’ll see you all when you get here.”
She told them which hospital they were at, and the room number, then ended the call.
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Sooner than Eddie would have believed possible, they were walking into Buck’s hospital room.
Buck looked the same as he had in the photo that Athena had sent. He was still asleep, still bruised and battered looking. But he was alive, and breathing steadily. Eddie checked the readings on the heart monitor, and counted Buck’s respirations without even thinking about it.
They made some noise as they shuffled around the room, Bobby greeting Athena with an embrace, then Athena calling Chris over for the same. Bobby found a chair for Maddie, and placed it near Athena’s, who had pulled Chris onto her lap. Eddie was surprised that Chris hadn’t objected to that. He and Bobby stood together on the other side of Buck’s bed, where the chest tube was draining into a receptacle attached underneath.
The sounds had evidently disturbed Buck. His eyelids fluttered as he moved a little, waking up slowly, then they opened all the way – and he stared straight into Eddie’s eyes.
“Ed-” Buck started, then cleared his throat hoarsely, “Eddie, you’re here?” he asked dazedly, then his eyes cleared, and he started to lurch up, looking around wildly. “Chris? Where’s Chris?”
“I’m here Buck. I’m okay,” Chris answered him as he slipped off Athena’s lap and came to stand next to the bed, taking Buck's hand carefully. Eddie pressed his hand carefully to Buck’s shoulder, stopping him from sitting upright and urging him back down against his pillow.
“We’re all here Buck,” Maddie added. “Jee is sleeping at home with Chimney, she’s okay too.”
A deep sigh eased out from Buck at their words, and his eyes closed again as he went limp on the bed. It worried Eddie for a second, until Buck opened his eyes again and looked at Chris intently.
“You’re not hurt? He didn’t get to you or Jee?” he asked.
Chris shook his head at once, saying “You saved us Buck,” and Buck sighed again, closing his eyes as he did.
After a moment he opened them again, and asked what had happened to Chris. They took turns telling the story, mostly Chris, but the others chipping in with their parts as he spoke.
“You asked for me, by name and rank? And they refused to call me?” Athena interrupted at one point, and Chris nodded. Eddie saw her eyes narrow at that, and she wrote something in her notepad, knuckles tight as she held her pen. He thought he heard her mutter the word suspension in a vicious voice.
“Did Ms Yassenova know that?” Maddie asked Chris then, and he frowned, then shook his head.
“She wasn’t there yet, and I didn’t tell her because I thought she’d say the same thing,” he explained. Eddie wanted to throttle the responding police officers, but decided to leave it to Athena. Judging by the glint in her eyes, she had suitable retribution in mind.
The conversation continued, and Eddie watched Buck. Buck, who hadn’t met Eddie’s eyes once since he’d looked at him in that first moment when he’d woken up.
Buck, who was probably blaming himself for what had happened.
“I don’t blame you Buck,” Eddie’s words interrupted the others abruptly, and Buck’s eyes flicked to his in surprise. “What happened wasn’t your fault. I don’t blame you, and I’m not angry at you. You saved Chris, and Jee. You fought for them. For him, again. You almost died, saving them. Thank you. Thank you, Buck.”
Eyes wide, and shimmering wetly, Buck stared at him, his mouth slightly open.
They were interrupted as a nurse came in to administer more medication, and Eddie watched carefully, eyes tracking Buck’s tells for when he was feeling pain and not wanting anyone to know. When Buck hesitated at her question of his pain level, Eddie nudged his arm until he replied, and she administered more pain relief.
Even after the nurse left, Eddie continued to watch Buck. He found he couldn’t take his eyes off him. They’d nearly lost him. Had lost him, for a while, in more ways than one. Not knowing where Buck was for so long had felt like someone was clawing at Eddie’s skin continually, ripping it to shreds.
Hearing that his heart had stopped had nearly stopped Eddie’s own.
“Oh for god’s sake, will you just kiss him already Dad?” Chris’s exasperated voice came from the other side of the room, and Eddie’s eyes jerked towards his son in startlement.
“Chris!” Eddie gasped, ready to reprimand his son; and his eyes nearly fell out of his head when Chris threw a hand up in an unmistakable ‘talk to the hand’ gesture.
“Mama ‘Thena, can I come home with you tonight please?” Chris continued, then “I’m ready to go now. Grandpa Bobby, will you please lock the door with those two inside until they figure their shit out?” and with that, Chris stood up and started making his way to the door.
“Chris!” Eddie repeated, stunned almost wordless at his son’s behaviour and words.
“No Dad. I am done waiting for you two to get together so you listen to me now. Either you do something about the way you both clearly feel about each other, or I move in with Jee. I can change diapers now, so I’m sure Aunt Maddie and Uncle Chim would like to have me there to help them. Let me know what you decide. Bye Dad, bye Buck,” and with that Chris walked out the door.
Eddie stared after his child as he left them behind. His child, whom he’d thought was traumatised after a terrifying experience, but who was apparently more invested in match making than he was concerned about what had happened to himself.
Maddie, Bobby and Athena followed Christopher out of the room without saying a word, but Eddie saw the way they were trying to stifle their smiles. Maddie was quietly snickering too.
Then the door closed quietly, and the lock snicked shut.
Eddie could feel how hot his ears were. Knew that they were a flaming red; and he was scared to look at Buck.
A hand grasped his and tugged.
Eddie closed his eyes and swallowed. The hand tugged again.
“Eddie,” Buck said quietly, and Eddie turned and looked at him at last.
“Hey,” he said helplessly.
“Hey,” Buck replied, lip quirking, eyes sparkling. “So…”
“So…” Eddie repeated, face flaming still.
“Your kid is pretty smart, you know,” Buck told him, still smirking at Eddie.
“Our kid. He totally got that attitude from you.”
Buck’s eyes lit up and did that thing he does when he’s touched and overwhelmed and filled with joy and Eddie decided, Fuck it, Chris is a smart kid. Who am I to argue with him?
“Can I kiss you now?” “Are you going to kiss me now?” they said at the same time, then laughed together.
“Well, Chris said we should,” Eddie said with a shrug, still grinning.
“And we should always do what he says,” Buck replied, nodding vigorously.
“I’m not sure that’s how parenting goes-” Eddie started to say, and Buck pulled on the hand he was still holding, hard.
“Shut up and kiss me already!” he demanded, yanking Eddie down to him with a grin of his own.
Eddie huffed out a laugh and kissed him, because what else could he do? Chris was right.
“Ow,” Buck muttered with a wince, and Eddie started to pull away, but Buck pulled him back, and kissed him again. Eddie could feel the cut on Buck’s lip but Buck kept kissing him, and it was wonderful. It was all Eddie had ever wanted, so he kept kissing Buck back.
In the words of the wisest among them, they figured their shit out.
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