Chapter Text
It isn't until Ash is out with Lexi and Fez is left all alone that he realises just how much time he spends with the kid. Since he was a baby, Ashtray had felt almost like an extra limb to Fezco.
He had been a clingy baby; prone to fussing and crying when he wanted Fezco's attention but for Fez, who had never really had anyone of his own besides an abusive father and a grandmother who still liked her peace and quiet, Ashtray's presence had soothed a loneliness so established that he hadn't even realised it was there until he became a big brother.
There's a feeling of watching paint dry as he waits, first for Lexi's text, and then for them to come home. He resists the urge to bombard them both with calls but only because he knows that wouldn't be fair. That Ash hasn't called or messaged him already is a good sign. He knows he is asking a lot of the kid; pushing him past boundaries into situations he's aware makes him feel uncomfortable but he thinks having an extended family will be good for Ash too...having someone else there for him should something happen to Fezco.
Still, the house is quiet; far too quiet for Fezco's liking. Ash has always been pretty low key—and despite the freight train of puberty leaving him more irritable and impulsive than he used to be, he's still fairly even tempered and generally quiet. Sometimes, Fez can go a whole day without hearing a peep from him but he knows he's there.
So this feeling of him not being close is unsettling.
It's an unhealthy co-dependency and Fezco knows that this is step one to fixing it; he feels better for knowing that both Ash and Lexi are resourceful and smart, but his anxieties are not so easily cured.
“Hi, honey, we're home,” Lexi sings, sarcastically, just a moment after he hears her key in the lock. The sense of peace that mists throughout his body is astounding.
Fezco is in the kitchen because he has been too jittery to sit still. He pops his head around the refrigerator door seeing Lexi first and trying to peer around her for Ash.
“Bathroom,” she says, rolling her eyes only a little and tempering the action with a soft, understanding smile. It still surprises him how seeing her lovely face leaves him feeling like he did the first time; struck and short of breath—despite the fact that he has come to know it as well as his own. Even through a dirty glass window at the awkward age of fifteen, she had been the prettiest girl he had ever seen.
She leans in as he leans down and the kiss they share is quick and sweet, with the taste of strawberry milkshake still lacing her lips. He can feel the heat off the food bag she is holding against the back of his neck where her arm has wrapped around him. When they break apart, he takes it off her and starts unpacking it.
“You have fun?” He asks, lowering his voice to a whisper and his eyes scan the doorway to avoid being overheard. “Was he okay?”
She nods again, her smile close lipped and wide, as she grabs him a plate. It is a new occurrence---this dining off dishes—but Lexi had put her foot down after an unfortunate incident involving ketchup smeared across the back of her cream colored skirt. She hadn't realised until she got home why she'd had a group of young teenagers pointing at her and laughing as she walked down the street and had complained for almost a week straight about how completely mortified she had been to find out.
Fezco, determined to give her no reason to stop visiting him, had made two promises to her; the first was to eat with more decorum and the second was to always check her ass out for her as she left. One of those promises had proven much easier to keep than the other.
“Who won?” he asks, voice louder as he hears footsteps in the hall.
She doesn't have to tell him, he can tell by the look on Ash's face.
“No fuckin' way,” he says, brewing up a belly laugh. He raises an eyebrow at Lexi and slowly steps away from her, hands up. She purses her lips against a proud smile and swats at him.
“She got like, two points on me,” Ash says, bitterly. “--and only because she distracted me talkin' about feelings an shit.”
The annoyance doesn't quite reach his eyes, struggling for purchase against the childish excitement still lighting his features.
“That's an unfounded accusation,” she says, seriously, but like Ash, her eyes give her away. She turns to Fezco, her arms going back around his neck, creating a perfect line between him and the french fry he has just raised to his mouth. With a sigh, he surrenders it and he gets a quick kiss in thanks once she's finished chewing.
“There's no need for him to be such a sore loser,” she says, as though Ash isn't standing behind her. “He did very well. If you ever need an expert axe thrower then he makes a great runner up.”
“Imma throw an axe at you in a minute if you don't shut up,” Ash grumbles.
Lexi rolls her eyes at Fezco even though she responds to Ash. “That kinda lost its edge the first twenty times you said it.”
There's a threat on the edge of Ashtray's tongue; Fezco can tell, but after a second, he bites it back and swallows it down. What he was going to say will never be known and Fezco has a feeling that's for the better.
Lexi picks up another fry and Fezco feels the urge to hide the bag behind his back. He's learned to watch his food around her. For a little thing, she can pack a lot away.
“Yo, didn't y'all just come back from gettin' something to eat?” he says, a moody edge to his voice that Lexi completely disregards.
“Yeah, but I'm still hungry---and don't ask me why I didn't order more because I didn't realise I was still hungry until I smelt them properly.”
“Imma eat my burger in the bathroom then,” he says.
Lexi laughs at him. “Please, just one more--,”
He gives her two, practically shoving them into her mouth.
“I gave you an extra one for bein' cute,” he says, with a smirk.
Ashtray appears to have had enough by then. He sighs, loudly enough to make a point. “I'm gonna watch a movie and if y'all are watching it with me then you better cut that soppy shit out.”
Fezco is on Lexi as soon as Ashtray leaves the room. He shoves the bag of fries onto the counter space next to her as he wraps his arms around her and kisses her neck, moving his lips along with a wet smack against her skin.
“Help yourself,” he says. “I gotta an appetite for somethin' else. I missed you.” His voice turns from alluring to affectionate as he finishes his sentence. “Come to bed with me, girl.”
Lexi, who has been distracted since he started making his advances, pulls back and gives him a baffled stare; her delightful brown eyes open wide. “Are you insane?” She gestures towards the empty doorway where Ashtray was standing only a moment ago. “Do you realise what just happened?” she whispers.
“What?” he says, his own confusion brewing now. The bewilderment in Lexi's expression is so strong that he can't quite make out whether it's a good or bad thing.
“I just got my first movie night invite,” she says, wonderment etching her features as the realisation settles in.
Fezco scoffs. “Don't play, you've watched movies with us before.”
“I know,” Lexi says, pulling him closer as she lowers her voice. “--but that's been because of you-- and Ash has always bitched about it before.”
“Damn,” Fezco says, as understanding kicks in. “How mean were you throwing them axes? Got him scared straight,” he says, dissolving into laughter as she playfully swats at his shoulder.
“Yeah, nothing to do with my charming personality,” she says, sarcastically, trying to loosen the grip he now has on her wrist. His hold is not painful but it's firm enough that she fails to get out of it before he manages to pull her into a soft hug. His lips find the crook of her neck again but he just rests his chin this time. He can feel his own breath blowing though the curls that have fallen out of her hair bun. They rebound, tickling his own cheek. Everything about her is soft and silky.
“I told you he'd warm up to you,” Fez says. “He's a good kid.”
Lexi squeezes him a little tighter. “He really is. You did a good job with him.”
“For the most part,” Fez says.
“No, for all the parts, considering you were a kid too. Whatever happened, whatever he did, it's because you taught him that family means something. I get it now. I can't be mad at that when I'd do the same to protect the people I love.”
He can hardly imagine it, his sweet Lexi, but he believes her because she loves so deeply. He can only imagine how ferocious she could be in defense of it.
Fezco stills as she talks. Mouse's murder is a topic they rarely talk about and never discuss so openly where Ashtray could just walk in and overhear them.
His confession to her about what Ashtray had done hadn't been planned but it had been something he'd already being weighing the morality of—whether it was fair to keep it back from her. That feeling had only gotten stronger the more she opened her heart to him and he had known that it was only a matter of how and when to tell her. It had been an argument that had triggered it; or the aftermath of one, at least. The realisation that he had felt as close to her in disagreement as he did during the more pleasant times of their relationship had made him desperate to cut his soul open and show her everything he was made of.
It was the belief that she would still love him anyway that had urged him on more because he still loved her even when she had cried on his shoulder in acknowledgement that her fallout with Cassie had been partly her own fault and, although he agreed with her, he loved her even more when she was wrong and flawed because those were the times when she needed it more.
But murder and mockery were hardly comparable and Fezco had latched onto that knowledge with the determination to beat himself over the head with it.
“Maybe you shouldn't be with me,” he had told her, “I've done some real bad shit.”
And her protest against that had been so convincing, made him feel so safe and loved, that the second she had said 'trust me,” the truth had come spilling out.
“What if I told you I killed someone and covered that shit up?” he had asked.
She was honorable and fair enough that she had actually considered the question and it had made him feel inexplicably reassured to know that her love, as devout as it got, was not unconditional. He'd realised then that he didn't have the power to ruin her. She'd considered his question with the deliberation it deserved; weighing the action against the man she knew and trying to understand in what circumstances she would find such a thing acceptable.
“Why?” she'd asked him and that's what Lexi had always offered him at least. A chance to explain himself and hold himself up for judgement before being judged.
He hadn't been able to deny her the truth at that point or at least half of it. He'd started with a version where he did it; he raised the hammer and he got rid of the body and he covered it up and it's only when he had made a point of telling her that Ashtray had slept soundly in his bed throughout it all that his clever girl had figured it out.
But she had never forced it out of him. She had simply looked at him seriously and directly and taken his shaking hand in her own. “It's okay,” she had told him. “No matter what you tell me, no matter who it's about—I trust you and you can trust me too. Whatever happens between us down the line. I'd never do anything to harm you—or the people you love.”
The truth had become a lump in his throat; one that he had to hack up or choke on. Fezco had made both of them a silent promise then; that he would never give her reason to find the circumstances lacking.
“It's okay,” Lexi says, rubbing a palm over his tense back, the action bringing him out of his reflective daze. It still amazes him that she doesn't need to look at his face to guess how he's feeling. His thoughts and his feelings have always been something he guarded well because his Grandma had always told him that as soon as people figure you out, they can do whatever the fuck they want with you. Ashtray had been the first solid piece of supporting evidence for that; having Fez at his beck and call ever since he stared up at him with teary brown eyes and cried for a mother who never came back for him. Lexi had been the second; cracking him open with an ability to read both his mind and his heart before he ever really knew what hit him.
Rue and Faye were probably the only other people who came close but he had never been quite as open with them.
“We talked about it,” Lexi says, breaking through his thoughts. It's all out in the open now and the thought of that makes his stomach flip.
“Was he okay 'bout it?” Fezco asks. He doesn't regret confiding in Lexi when the weight of the knowledge and his fears about what it meant for his brother became too much to bear—but it doesn't stop him from feeling guilty for breaking Ash's confidence. He knows he took a gamble in opening up to Lexi but he hopes that Ashtray knows him well enough to understand that he never would have done it unless he was absolutely sure that it would pay off.
“He seemed to be. I think he might have guessed beforehand because he didn't seem too shocked. I mean, I didn't tell him outright that I knew, I just implied after he kinda set me up for it but it seemed like I was just confirming something he already suspected, you know?”
She gives him a kiss on each cheek before settling a longer one on his lips. “I told him not to be mad at you though and he said he wasn't.”
Fezco lets out a slow breath. “I'll talk to him tomorrow about it after I've took you home. Make sure he's good.”
Lexi nods, “I think that's a good idea-- and you and I are going to talk about it later --but for now, you might like to know that I booked another slot at Axel Throws for next Saturday so...you wanna go on a really cool date with me?”
She smiles coyly up at him.
Fezco's hands slip down to her ass as she nestles in closer. “Just you and me? Throwin' axes at each other?”
Lexi closes her eyes as she laughs. “First of all, we don't throw them at each other, there's a target. It's not like paintballing--,”
He laughs and feigns disappointment.
“--and about that me and you...,”
He sighs again. “How we supposed to make out in the car with my lil brother in the back, Lexi?”
She grits her teeth. “I know, babe, I'm sorry--- but he really liked it and I'd already mentioned it to Rue so if she says yes then it's actually gonna be the four of us.”
He doesn't get a chance to answer before a loud voice cuts through their conversation.
“Hey, Fezco, Lizzy Borden---y'all fuckin' died of old age in there or somethin'? You watchin' this movie with me or what?”
“Be right in,” Lexi shouts before lowering her voice as she talks to Fezco. “Even if it does end up a full party, just grin and bear it and we'll catch up on the making out at home.”
He moves a curl off her face and tucks it behind her ear, unable to stop himself from replacing it with a kiss. “We better because throwing axes—that's like some caveman shit. Can't promise it won't do somethin' to a man, you know? You might end up over my shoulder before the night's done.”
She laughs loudly at him. “Well, that sounds promising,” she says before her smile turns smug. “But are you still gonna feel that way when I beat your ass too?”
“Ain't no way,” he says.
Lexi shakes her head and pretends to be offended. “Listen, Fez. You're talking to the champ, here. I have one session more experience than you and a win. The odds are already in my favor.”
Fezco drops his hands to the top of her thighs and hoists her onto the counter, out of reach of his burger as he unwraps it and takes a bite. It's already going cold but that's never put him off before. Enjoying his food cold was one of the first things he learned to do while trying to take care of a toddler.
He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand as he swallows. “Yeah? Well get ready for me to come in on some Rocky shit 'cause imma win that shit. No joke.”
Lexi's laugh is dragged from the back of her throat, thick and laced with scorn. “Yeah, okay then, let's bet on it.”
Fezco swallows another bite, holding his burger over his head as she reaches a hand out for it. “What, like money?”
She shuffles to the next counter over to improve her reach, pouting as he extends his arm higher. “No, something else. We both get to make a request of each other or something like that.”
Fezco grins, the roll of her eyes making his smile wider and more wicked. She really can read his mind. He breaks off a piece of his burger. “Look at you, got a little shark gleam in your eye but that's okay. My request, when I win, I want a mornin' in bed with you—no cellphones, no talkin' about school or gossipin' bout who did what---just you, me and the sheets.”
Lexi takes the piece of burger he offers, grimacing as she tastes it. “It's freezing.”
Fezco shrugs. “That's what you get for bein' a little thief.” He finishes the last piece and wipes his hands off on a dishcloth.
“Okay,” Lexi says. “Well, if I win then I want a full body massage, from you ...no spa day cop outs because I mean full—like for two hours long with fancy oils and stuff.”
Fez raises an eyebrow; the thought of her all naked and slick with sweet smelling oils sending a sharp spike of desire through him from head to toe. “Baby, you asking for props now? But that's fine 'cause imma win and even if I don't, spending two hours rubbin' you down seems as much a win for me so...”
“Oh no,” Lexi says with a deceptively innocent smile. Fez thinks this is when those lovely brown eyes of hers are shown in full glory because the faux sweetness of her smile lights them up with something adorably naughty.
“That's not how it's going to work,” she says, oblivious to how he mentally unpicks her just to worship all the pieces. “My 'rubdown' is going to be followed by a long and restful nap so if you want to end your night on a 'win', then make sure you're keeping those wrist joints nice and loose because you're going to need them .”
Fezco nods, holding his drink up to her face before he takes a sip himself. She makes a show of wrapping her lips around the straw and looking up at him through her eyelashes, corners of her mouth dimpling as she struggles to keep a smirk at bay. He sometimes wonders if she would have learned to play any man as easily as she has learned to play him but he always doubts it because he knows there's no other man on earth who could have loved her more.
But his love for her—as deep as the foundation of devotion and adoration it is built on—also delights in teasing and prodding her.
“Well, if you wanna be like that then imma change my request 'cause I think your idea sounds much better for me--my back's been buggin' me like fuck lately--so you better keep those lil fingertips of yours nice and moisturised because you're gonna be needing them after I'm all relaxed and fast asleep.”
They both turn to see Ashtray looking disgusted in the doorway. “I came to see what the fuck was taking y'all so long but I shoulda known you'd be wasting my time with this kind of bullshit.”
The smile Lexi gives Ashtray is not at all like the one she has just been giving Fez. “We're just making our wagers for next weekend. Your brother is getting a little ahead of himself.”
Fezco turns until he's standing at the counter with his back to her, holding his hands low so he can grasp under her knees. When he feels her arms wrap around his neck he hoists her onto his back with an exaggerated groan that earns him a soft swat on the shoulder. He turns his head until he can just about see her face. “The only thing I'm gonna be gettin' is all my knots worked loose. Thanks in advance, baby.”
Ashtray closes his eyes and tilts his head towards the ceiling, seeking salvation in gods that Fezco knows he doesn't believe in. He inhales deeply through his nose.
“There's gotta be something in the law about making me listen to this kinda bullshit,” Ash says. “Imma start the movie the second my ass hits the chair so if you miss the beginnin' then don't say you wasn't told.”
“Let's go,” Lexi says, legs wrapping tighter around Fez's waist, squeaking as he dumps her unceremoniously on the sofa.
“What are we watching?” she asks, as Fez settles beside her, extending his legs and sinking into the backseat cushion as he tries to get comfortable. Like clockwork, she scooches up against his side prompting his arm to curl around her shoulders. He shifts her unzipped hoody to the side so he can slip his hand under her tank top, palm settling flat in the curve of her waist. It's unconscious at this point; the familiarity between them has always felt like something lanced into their DNA.
Ashtray looks at them with a wicked smile of his own; lips tight and crooked. “The Axeman,” he says and with a conspiratorial look towards Lexi, he continues; “Might pick up some tips.”
Fezco recognises the brewing of an obsession within his brother and he knows that given a few days, he will be roped into setting up a makeshift range somewhere in the house so Ash can practice. Things that don't concern him are given little, if no, attention but when his brother finds himself taken by a flight of fancy, nothing will make him rest until he has learned everything there is to know about it.
And it had never been something Fezco had discouraged—from colorful cartoons to Batman comics, and cryptocurrency to chemical breakdowns of the drugs they sell---he had patiently indulged Ash, listening to him talk, listening to him vent...only to start the cycle again when that novelty wore off and a new interest appeared.
But now he is looking at Lexi with the same gleam in his eye, the same expression of open interest on his face because Lexi has a skill in something he enjoys and the fact that it might be axe throwing that has finally given his hard-headed brother and his sweet-natured girlfriend something to bond over is still throwing Fezco for a loop.
The bonding, however, is something Fezco wanted because he knows up until now, Ash and Lexi have been like two planets orbiting around him and trying not to crash into each other and the only acceptable future to him had them all together under the same sky. There was a part of him, the part that feels possessive over both of them individually, that had braced himself for the possibility that he might feel jealous watching Ash and Lexi build a relationship independent of him---because Ashtray had always clung to him first and Lexi had been distant in all her other relationships when he met her—but he feels an indescribable warmth spread throughout his chest as he watches them banter over their evening out.
He will get them both back for their playful and deliberate side-lining of him on Saturday, though, when he snatches Lexi's crown and that dull, niggling ache in his back muscles finally gets put to rest.
---+---
Later, after the television has been turned off and Ashtray has declared the movie a waste of his time and given his rant about all the things he could have done better as both the killer and his victims, Fezco and Lexi prepare for bed.
Lexi is already tucked under the covers as he changes, blanket pulled up to her chin to keep the chill in the air away. She is finishing up a phone call with Rue as he slides into bed next to her, hissing as her icy feet find his calves.
“I'm cold,” she pouts and he catches her feet between his lower legs, covering as much of them as he can with his own skin, gritting his teeth against the leeching of his own body heat. Her skin feels soft and smooth against the coarseness of his leg hair and he sources warmth from her upper body, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her flush against him, back to front, her body a welcome weight against his own.
If he is able to warm her feet for the rest of his life he will consider himself a blessed man. He doesn't say that out loud though, preferring to grumble over why she refuses to wear socks.
“You're my socks,” she says, childishly before she wishes Rue goodnight and hangs up.
He is never impatient with her and he finds her loyalty and genuine conviviality with those she cares about to be something honorable and admirable but the day is done with and all he wants to do now is wrap himself around her with no distractions.
She turns to him first, settling herself against his side with a deep kiss that smooths the tension from his shoulders. He lives a hard and dangerous life; each day more trying than the one before it, but this is the part of the day when he feels most content and restful.
She runs her hand over the side of his scalp, trailing her silky touch down his face until her fingers twist in his beard, combing gently through it until her nails can softly scratch the skin beneath.
“It's getting longer again,” she says, quietly.
“I'll trim it,” he vows but she shakes her head.
“No, it's okay. I like it any way.” Her fingers start up again as if to drive home the truth in her words.
“What if I shave it all off?” he asks, cheekiness dancing through his voice. He stifles a yawn as he threads his own fingers through her hair, brushing loose curls off her shoulders so he can pull on them and watch them spring back into place.
Her hand stills. “Now you're pushing it,” she laughs. “--but I'll still love you anyway. What if I get a pixie cut?”
His hand reflexively and protectively locks around a curl. “I'll still love you anyway,” he says, drawing another laugh from her before she kisses him again, leg curling over his thigh as she pulls him in closer.
He tries to roll her onto her back but she pulls away and stops him with a firm palm to his chest, gesturing to his side of the bed as she says, “Take off your t-shirt and lay on your front.”
“For what?” he says with a chuckle, trying to decipher the playful look in her eye.
“So I can give you a preview of how I want my massage...to make sure you're going to do it right,” she says, the sternness of her voice contradicting the playfulness in her eyes.
He stares at her for a moment, her words pricking at all the aches and pains that he pretends not to notice just to get through the day. He sometimes feels like that Greek dude damned to carry the world on his back; burdened under the pressure of the weight and the hopelessness of his own existence but Fezco is already luckier because in his story, along comes Lexi, making him believe that the world's not going to end if he sets it down for a bit and offering to soothe all the worry away.
After another deep kiss which he finishes by muttering 'I love you' against her lips, he follows her instructions, stripping off his shirt before pulling his pillow flat under his head and curling his arms underneath it.
“Now, I don't have any fancy oils so I'll use my body lotion but I want fancy oils—warmed as well—for my massage.”
“Done,” he says, closing his eyes. “Write me a list and I'll get them for you.”
It takes him a moment to realise that he has already conceded the win to her and he half heartedly reproaches himself for how easily he folded under just the promise of her hands.
She straddles his legs and he can feel the heat and weight of her thighs cradling him. The entrapment is thrilling; a prison he would throw himself in willingly.
“I want you to start here, at the base of my spine,” she says, palms following the direction of her words. She glides up the span of his back, fingertips first before she tilts her wrists backwards and digs the heels of her palms deeper into his skin.
Her hands feel wet and warm, coated with lotion, as she repeats the same move a couple of times ending each movement at his neck, just beneath the base of his skull, before her palms glide back down his body with a lighter pressure.
He groans as she repeats the same movement over his back but veers outwards at the middle to cover his shoulder blades, pressure increasing with each repeat movement.
He sees what she means about following up with a nap because the repetitiveness of her movements and the breaking down of the tension is already leaving him feeling sleepy and loose-boned.
This isn't the first time she has touched him, of course it isn't, but this is a new feeling of intimacy; a purer version of the ways she grasps his shoulders and gently scrapes her nails over his back he braces over her and slides himself inside her.
This is the most selfish way of enjoying her hands upon his skin and he wants to sink into the feeling but he knows that he will be good for nothing if he does.
“Pum'kin,” he says, softly, voice choking off a moan as her fingers begin working his shoulders, her thumbs firmly running a line over the aching knots under his skin. She digs in and then smooths them out, bringing the pain to a head before sweeping it away.“--you gotta stop if you want me to see to you tonight because you do that much longer, I'm gonna be either asleep or too tired to do shit.”
He grits his teeth against the pain of a particularly stubborn knot being worked loose because he knows the feeling of release that follows is worth it.
“I'm not going to stop,” Lexi says. “That's how I want you to feel; you work so hard and take care of everyone. You deserve this.”
The desire to protest is instinctive. Watching everyone's back and keeping his eye on the ball is so natural to him that it feels almost unjust to be rewarded for it.
Lexi leans down until her lips are at his ear, as though she can read his discomfort in the set of his shoulders. “Relax, love,” she says. “This is for you, okay? Just you for tonight. Tell me what you need and what you don't. That's all you have to do for tonight. Everything else can wait until tomorrow.”
“You're an angel, Lexi, for real,” he says, his voice low and thick. He sounds sleepy and soft to even his own ears.
“No,” she says, leaving thumbprints along each side of his spine. “I just love you and I want you to feel good. I want you to tell me when you need me. You don't have to do everything alone any more. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you either.”
There's a little boy in him; afraid and overwhelmed, that could cry at hearing those words. It hits him deeper than her touch; provoking the buried emotions of a child left alone in the world. His eyelids flutter closed against the burn of subtle tears.
Lexi leans down once more, the shadow of her body blanketing his bare back in warmth. Her lips settle again at his ear. “Go to sleep, Fezco,” she says, her rich honey voice swirling through his ears and around in his head until it leaves him tingling all over.
For the first time in a long time, he finally rests. If he was conscious enough to make the comparison, he might describe it as the same feeling he got when his grandma came to get him and he was able to sleep peacefully that night; not having to worry about being dragged out of his bed to pay with flesh and blood for some misbehavior that he could never pinpoint or predict.
Fezco can count on one hand the people who have been close enough to touch him in a variety of ways. He can't remember his mother's touch, being even younger than baby Ashtray when she died. His father's touch he can remember all too well; the pain and brutality of it. His grandmother had been more affectionate with words than anything else but he can recall fleeting moments; soft, manicured hands smoothing over his scalp.
And then it was Ashtray; young enough to do whatever the hell he wanted and Fez can still remember feeling the warmth of his little face on his neck as he rocked him to sleep each night. It had delighted Fezco; the feel of little baby hands on his face, pulling at his nose and ears, until they both ended up laughing. Some of the best times in Fezco's life could be recalled to just sitting there with a sleeping Ash against his chest, the smell of baby powder in his nostrils.
But then Ash had gotten older, too cool for cuddles---and to be touched so freely without any expectations became a memory once more to Fezco.
Fezco had hardly lived a monk's life. There had been girls, usually only for a night, but still treated politely and respectfully---and not just because he didn't want to risk a scorned ex blowing up his spot but because his grandmother had taught him not to be a prick to women and that as long as he was honest and fair about what he wanted beforehand then he couldn't go wrong---but touch there had been transactional, a quid pro quo that had served to soothe a biological ache and not much more.
“You're the strongest, sweetest man,” Lexi whispers. “You make me feel so happy and safe.” she says, an expert in pinpointing his desires as much as the tension under his skin. It is all the things he prides himself on; providing and protecting, and knowing he is succeeding fills him with such contentment and happiness.
With a kiss on his cheek, her touch lulls him into the best sleep he has had in a long time. He dreams of feeling weightless and untroubled; surrounded only by things that makes him happy.
He dreams of Lexi and Ashtray and something that is beginning to feel like family.
THE END