Chapter Text
This is a story about four teenagers under mild to none adult supervision during summer break. What else were you expecting?
Dave mutters, “Attention, attention: red lights flashing and shit. Bad idea alert,” but still closes the door and checks the lock one, two, six times before turning around, his back against the white wood. Watches Rose pull bottle after bottle of dubious contents out of a paper bag, sunlight streaming in through the window and traversing through pleasing shapes and pretty coloured glass, making patters on the wooden floor of Jade’s bedroom. The basement would have felt like a safer place, but the door can’t be locked.
They’re gonna get so wasted.
And so they sit in a circle on the floor, four elegant glasses of different shapes in the middle, meant for completely different drinks, one for each one of them.
“Prude,” John mocks him, eyeing curiously a blue container that reminds of a cologne bottle. “Isn’t this what the average teenager is supposed to do, anyway?” He takes the bottle, trying to look through it. It’s almost frozen, and his fingers burn at the contact. The slight vapour it oozes casts pretty shapes in the sunlight.
It’s pretty good stuff, not the kind to find on a simple convenience store, and Rose has probably taken it from her mother’s stash in the minibar she’s brought with her. At least that’s what they suppose – Jake only drinks a beer or two on weekends, and neither of the Egbert-Crockers are enthusiasts of this kind of intoxicants.
It makes Dave, to say the least, incredibly apprehensive.
(He’d describe it, if he were to be accurate, as anxious as fuck and kind of you know, totally panicked. Not that he’s going to start rambling about his feelings, or something.)
Dirk would kick his ass if he knew he’s allowing himself to be anything but on guard, wide alert.
“Do excuse my obvious naivety and innocence, sir. John. Big Kahuna of Maturity and Sophistication.” He rolls his eyes, sitting down next to John. Snatches the blue bottle from his hands, puts it down with the rest. “I’m sorry for raining on your happy fun alcoholic parade.”
John brings a hand to his chest. “Completely excused.”
Roxy and Mr. Egbert are out on a date, like the corny pair of tourist they are. Jake and Bro, at the shopping mall; will probably hold hands and be embarrassing, and nobody wanted to be there and witness it. John’s aunt, Jane, though, is downstairs in the guest room, out like a light with painkillers and sleeping pills. It’s kind of douche-y of them to take advantage of her delicate condition, but then again, this is a story about four teenagers during summer break, what else were you expecting.
Laying on the bed, watching as Rose stars carefully opening each bottle, Jade smiles. Dave’s back is to the bed, so when she touches his arm, Dave flinches, startled. Jade giggles. John outright laughs. “Oh my god, you’re so tense. Like. The cables holding up the Brooklyn bride, or something.”
“Smooth,” Rose smirks, looking down at the drinks she’s mixing. “So smooth.”
Dave glares. “S-t-f-u, sister.”
Jade says, “if it helps, I’ve never done this before, either.” And slides down the bed to kneel behind him, massage his shoulders and back. He tenses at first, all barely supressed anxiety, but melts into her touch a few moments later.
“I thought you were all about crazy partying, though?” Rose asks.
“Well, yeah!” Jade smiles when Dave rolls his head back, letting out a small sound. “But you know how paranoid Grandpa is about being careful and stuff. “ She frowns, putting more pressure into Dave’s muscles. She makes the impression of an old man, even though Jake is barely in his late thirties. “Boys only want one thing, Harley, and one thing only! They’re awful and mean and you should always carry at least one gun with you, better safe than sorry! Don’t call them, don’t purse them, don’t let them pay for you or give you gifts, or they’ll think you owe them something. Never stay in the same room alone with a man you’re not married to, don’t get drunk, you’ll be taken advantage of and you’ll get pregnant and die. Also, only hookers wear boots!”
“Oh my god,” Rose exclaims.
“Yeah,” Jade shrugs, sheepishly. “But he does it because he loves me.”
“Yes, I know. But you would look lovely in a pair of boots.”
Dave snorts, smirking a little. He’s closed his eyes behind his shades, the tension slowly fading away to some sort of vague uneasiness. He kind of really, really hopes it’ll fade away the moment the drinking begins.
John laughs, grinning in Rose’s direction. “It’s true, though,” he says, leaving the bottles alone for Rose take care of, crawling the close distance from his place on the floor to Jade on his hands and knees. She giggles and throws her arms around Dave’s neck, less like a hug and more as if she were using him as a shield, all playful smiles and mischief. Dave tenses again. Shivers. “Us boys, we’re mean, mean people. Don’t come any close, we might—”
He feels hot breath on his face, before teeth close around his earlobe and—
“—bite.”
—he yelps, elbowing Jade away from him. She falls back against the floor, pushing her legs in the air, laughing her ass of along John.
“You guys are so fucking mature,” Dave stammers, crawling away from both of them, kicking John in the process. John lets out a half-hearted ouch, but continues laughing, clutching his stomach. Jade rolls and ends up half on top of him, and they become a mess of giggles and little snorts.
Rose lets out a laugh but quickly covers it with the back of her hand when Dave glares at her. She gives him this little, strange knowing smirk, and he raises an eyebrow in return; a wordless conversation. “You don’t have to, you know,” she says, at last.
“What?”
“You don’t have to drink, if you are nervous.”
“I’m not.”
“If you do not really want to, then.”
Dave frowns and snatches a bottle from the floor, fumbling with the cap before bringing it to his nose and giving it a little sniff, hesitatingly. “And giving Mr and Mrs Beaver even more reasons to mock me for the rest of the summer? Yeah, not gonna happen.”
From their place on the floor, John and Jade snort and begging laughing at the term of endearment, all over again.
Rose smirks. “I promise to make an effort to keep you from embarrassing yourself more than you usually do sober,” she says, petting his hair. “Maybe you’re a hilarious drunk.”
“Maybe?”
“Maybe you’re the kind to spill secrets out. Either is highly probably.”
“Comforting.”
“Maybe you get affectionate.”
He turns to look at her, her hand still in his hair, and raises a sceptical eyebrow. She says nothing, but her lips curve upwards slightly, and Dave kind of hopes the drinking starts soon because otherwise he’s going to bail out pretty soon. She winks. He turns around and pretends his face isn’t heating up.
“This is,” John gasps, Jade across on top of him, her weight on his stomach. “This is kind of a one-time opportunity, though. I don’t think I trust anyone enough to get unsober with but you guys.”
“Aww,” Jade laughs, sitting up to kiss his cheek, John make a show of swiping her kiss off his cheek with his hand, playfully. Dave pretends to dry imaginary tears. “I’m so moved. What a pure hearted display of trust and affection. Let me kiss your face, John Egbert. Just let me.”
Rose rolls her eyes, but doesn’t say anything when John pushes Dave away from him, receiving a similar shove in return. They continue bantering in the same fashion until Jade rolls her eyes and puts a hand on each of their heads and bangs them together, efficiently shutting them up, except of course for the pained protests. She swooshes them away from each other and sits in the middle, receiving an approving grin from Rose.
“Okay, it is ready,” Rose says, stirring a martini glass with a swizzle stick. John takes the glasses Rose offers him, passes one to Jade.
“Shaken not stirred,” Dave mutters. Jade giggles and gives him a thumbs-up. He asks, “what is this?” eyeing his glass suspiciously.
“Appletini,” Rose smiles, “or an attempt. It is pretty tasty, isn’t it?”
“That is like, a girl drink, isn’t it?”
Jade raises her glass and Rose’s attention moves to her, leaving Dave sulking. “To being stereotypically irresponsible teenagers.”
Dave snorts. “I’ll drink to that.”
The four of them cheer, glasses clinking, then downing their drinks.
“Oh god,” John rasps out, “It kind of burns.”
Rose laughs. “You’ll get used to it.”
“I really hope this is an acquired taste,” Dave grumbles, trying hard not to make a face at the burning. Rose quickly refill his glass with more vodka and apple juice, and he sighs, contemplates his life choices, if a bit dramatically.
The next round is fruity and fresh, like sour apples. It is also pretty dizzying.
Jade tells him, “drink it all up, big guy.” And clinks her glass to his, the different shapes making Dave worry they’ll break. She seem pretty eager. He and John both share a surprised look when she extends her glass towards Rose’s direction, a grin on her face. “What is in it?”
“Shh,” Rose teases, refilling her glass, then lifting a finger up to Jade’s lips, batting her eyelashes. “That’s not important.”
Jade licks her finger and they laugh, a little more relaxed, and unsurprisingly to everyone who’s ever been sixteen, the drinking progresses this way through the next hour until they are all sprawled on the bed and floor — using whatever part of whoever is closer as pillow, finding hilarious things they had never thought funny, hair tousled, drinks in hand, playing Never Have I Ever.
They’re not sure who’s idea it was or who started it; John had been in the middle of a heatedly explaining a conspiracy theory on 90s shows, Dave quietly nursing the remainders of a bottle of apple juice with a lapful of twin sister, Jade in her bed, head dangling down the edge, hair falling down to the floor in rivulets — but now here they are.
“Okay, okay, I’ve got one,” Dave slurs, having pushed Rose off of him some time ago now, when she had tried to remove his shades. “Never have I ever worn tacky Harry Potter PJs.”
Rose rolls her eyes and takes a drink, unaffected. Dave’s been trying to get her drunk for the last quarter of an hour and it isn’t going to work, she’s sure, because unlike her lovely friends she’s had her fair share of practice. Dave on the other side, is grinning like a madman, head on Jade’s shoulder, arms around her waist. He’s getting more touchy-feely with each round and Rose is amused to no end.
She for her part, is just mildly lightheaded.
Which can’t really be said about, as Dave has eloquently put it, Mr and Mrs Beaver.
Rose takes a shot and so does John, holding up his free hand for Rose to high five, making Dave roll his eyes.
“Okay, then. Never have I ever…” Rose hums, sending Dave a little, devilish glance. “Thought ridiculous Harry Potter PJs are hot.”
John laughs, leaning close to her. “Aw, Rosey that hurts.” But it is Dave whose eyebrows shoot up, it is he who turns to look at his sister, eyes wide; deer caught in the headlights.
She’s got her hair in her face, dark lipstick a little smeared across her cheek. She’s ridden with freckles just as he is, and she’s smirking, the little bitch, slightly flushed but very much capable of coherent thoughts. Of knowing what she’s doing.
Dave resists the urge to flip her off.
John, though, beats him, downing his own glass of vodka and juice. “To the lady,” he says, grinning, taking her hand in his and kissing it. Rose laughs, turning her head towards her brother.
“The fine gentleman here is not afraid to speak his mind, David. Are you?”
Jade giggles and pokes his ribs and Dave whooshes her hand away, takes a drink. He puts the glass down and says, “there. Happy, Lalonde?”
“Very,” she replies, and her eyes wander a little in John’s direction, catching Dave off guards with all the little hidden implications.
“Alright,” says John, cocking his head slightly, confused. He blames it on the alcohol, though, and laughs a little even though he doesn’t really get what’s going on between Dave and Rose. He decides to give it no more thought, and leans back on his hands, thinking. “Never have I ever… Streaked.”
Jade gasps, indignant, head snapping in John’s direction. “Come on, I was five!”
"Hey, that's the rules of the game," John says, smiling smugly at her. "Drink, lil lady." Jade tosses her hair to the side, huffing, before filling her thin champagne glass and emptying it in one long swig.
“Never have I ever lied about my birthday just to get a free dessert and a funny little hat,” she says, crossing her arms.
She catches John off guard. “Bluh,” He says, trying to look annoyed, only succeeding in pouting adorably. Jade giggles, pinching his cheek. Rose pours him another drink, and he jerks his head towards Dave before downing it, “go.”
Dave smirks, “Never have I ever been kicked in the nuts.”
John’s mouth falls, “This is treason!” He cries as his friends laugh, forcing another glass into his hand. “Betrayal,” he mutters into his glass, Rose’s hand brushing his fingers as she holds the little shot glass in place, making sure he doesn’t let it fall accidentally. “I am never ever telling you stuff ever again ever.” He turns to point at Jade, accusingly. “Neither to you.”
“Whatever,” Jade laughs, blowing him a kiss. “Okay, it’s Rose’s turn.”
“Never have I ever gotten my braces locked together kissing someone,” Rose says, without missing a beat, opening a pink bottle of something that smells sweet and fruity, already filling Dave’s glass.
Dave crosses his arms. “With friends like this, who needs enemies?”
John’s face breaks into a grin, watching as Dave downs his newly refilled glass. “Oh my god, Dave, I had totally forgotten about the,” he makes exaggerated air quotes, “incident.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Dave snaps back. “It’s your fucking turn.”
John laughs. “Okay, never have I ever… Acted out sex scenes with Barbie and Ken.”
“Fuck you,” Jade punches his arm. “It was ironic.”
That pulls a smirk out of Dave. “Right.” Jade takes her drink, and he says, “Never have I ever skinny dipped.”
“Come on,” Jade groans, taking another drink. She’s more than a little tipsy, and her face feels hot.
“In my defence that was totally not on purpose,” Dave says, turning to look at her, eyes wide in mild curiosity. He grins accusingly at her, and earns a middle finger in his direction. “This deserves a story, though.”
Jade hides her face in her hands. “There are some real pretty waterfalls up north, in the woods. I went with some friends from school, but I was alone when I did it!” She explains, biting down an embarrassed smile. “It’s a really pretty place. We should definitely go, before the summer is over.”
“That sounds like a lovely idea,” says Rose, pushing some strands of hair out of her face. “Maybe you can show us exactly what, ah, lead you to take this decision?”
“Maybe,” Jade grins at her, and Rose grins back.
“Okay then,” she says. “Never have I ever carried condoms around in my wallet just in case I might get lucky.” Tries not to laugh when both Dave’s and John’s head snap in her direction, looking like deer caught in the headlights.
They grudgingly take they drinks without a single comment, and Jade laughs at them. “Boys.”
Rose shakes her head, condescendingly. “Indeed.”
“Okay yeah, boys are assholes, blah blah, whatever.” John interrupts, loudly, wanting to change the subject as quickly as possible. “Never have I everrr… Sent nudes.”
Dave snorts. “You should.”
“Shut up, Dave.”
They watch as Rose pours herself half a snifter glass of Rosé, drinking it in one long swig. “Okay, that deserves a story.”
“There is really nothing much to say, John, dear.” She smiles at him, batting her eyelashes in a way she hopes is distracting. John is grinning accusingly and having none of this however, and she turns to look at Jade for help, but she only shrugs, a little mischievous smile on her face.
“If Rose doesn’t wants to tell you about those pictures I’ve got in my phone of Rose in nothing but lacy black panties inside that Victoria’s Secret changing room, then you shouldn’t force her to tell you, John.”
Dave whistles. Rose doesn’t think her expression changed much or anything, but it must have had because Jade grins and blows her a kiss, and John doesn’t has time to say anything before she’s already changing the subject. “Never have I ever been asked by my parents if I’m still a virgin.”
“That’s an obvious one,” Dave says, rolling his eyes. He and Rose and John fill their glasses, and John chokes on his drink, his cheeks burning with embarrassment.
“Let’s agree on this one not deserving a story.”
Rose clears her throat. “Yes, I’d really like that.”
“My turn,” Dave grins after a moment, voice slurred, “I have never ever,” he pauses, thinking, looks at John. “Kissed a girl ever.”
Rose rolls her eyes at him, grinning. “Liar liar, pants on fire.”
John flips him off. “Drink, motherfucker,” he says, and the four of them take a shot, Rose grinning, Jade giggling against John, hair in her face, face flushed. She can’t really hold her alcohol, and this is exactly why she’s never drunk before. She kind of really, really trusts this people, it’s not like she’s in danger or something, she reasons.
“I thought we agreed Rose didn’t count,” Dave says, leaning over Jade to push John’s shoulder.
“I wasn’t counting Rose,” John giggles, falling on his side. “It’s for you.”
Rose snort, “I’ll drink to that.”
Jade laughs and crawls next to John, her hair curtaining down around his face. Presses her lips to his, determined and wet, and pulls his lower lip between hers, just slightly, before pulling back with a clean, closed mouthed sound.
John, uh. Yeah.
“I, uh,” he says, stupidly. “Yeah.”
Jade seems to find this particularly funny because she giggles and loses her balance, falling on her back, her hair splayed out around her, her skirt riding up to dangerous places. Dave and Rose don’t even try to conceal the unsubtle glances, no matter how unsexy her tight plain grey boxer shorts are. John sends them The Look, meant for a big brother to use for scaring potential suitors away from his sister, and pulls her skirt down. Rose laughs, blows him a kiss. Dave snickers.
“Okay, I think this is enough,” Rose giggles, taking bottle after bottle and shaking them, realizing more than four are empty. “We want no one throwing up, do we.”
“I think you mean we want no virginities lost,” Dave drawls, raising an eyebrow in John’s direction. He rolls his eyes and sits up, putting a hand to his head when the room starts spinning.
“Aw, come on,” Jade insists, an amused, if inebriated smile on her face. “Just one more, Rose. It even is your turn and everything.”
“Yeah,” Dave agrees. “Hit with your best shot.”
“I’ll take that as a challenge, if you may.” Rose considers this for a moment, and realizes there is a thousand things she’s curious about. “Never have I ever…” She pauses, more for drama than anything. “Dreamt about screwing someone in this room.”
Dave is the first one to break the silence, smirking. “You’re such a filthy liar.”
“I agree,” Rose laughs, and fills herself a shot, and it’s more apple juice than anything. “But so are you.”
“Didn’t say I didn’t.” And before Rose can reply he takes the nearest bottle and chugs down the remainders, tries hard not to give a fuck even though he’s kind of feeling red on the face and a little vulnerable. He hopes what happens drunk stays drunk, or some shit. Maybe no one is remembering this tomorrow.
John turns to look at Jade, and she’s smiling and trying not to; a family trait. She shrugs and takes her champagne glass, fills hers and John’s before he can say anything and then they’re downing their drinks and laughing because they’re kind of really really drunk.
Rose gracelessly sweeps the empty bottles under the bed and they laugh and laugh and laugh, and talk until they fall asleep and the next day, they wake up with the worst hang over in the story of ever.
;;
“Look at them,” Roxy says, standing at the doorframe. “They’re such adorable babies.”
“Yeah,” Dirk rolls his eyes, throwing an arm around her shoulders. “Adorable little shits. Thought we wouldn’t find out about the fuckin’ raiding of our minibar.”
“Oh hush,” she answers, closing the door silently. Inside the room, Jade, Rose, Dave and John lay like a litter of puppies cramped in Jade’s bed, in a way that can’t by any means be comfortable, limbs falling out the bed, out like lights. “Can’t remember what it was like being sixteen, boy?”
“The hell I don’t.” She laughs and kisses the corner of his mouth, and he makes a show of wiping her lipstick off his face. “If Egbert or Jake finds out—”
“But they won’t,” Roxy says, and it’s all sugary sweet; an order. Dirk rolls his eyes. Mutters a yeah, whatever. And no one finds out.
They’re really cool parents.