Chapter Text
"I love you."
Her eyes flew open as her head quickly snapped up to look at Mo Ran. There was absolutely no way that he had said that to them of all people. This had to be some sort of nightmare, one that had merged with her reality to the point that they couldn’t tell when she could have fallen asleep, but that didn’t make any sense. The only reasonable explanation was that... this wasn’t another dream of hers.
“I love you, Wanning. Not in the way that disciples love their Shizun,” he quickly added on. “Not in that way. I know it’s bold, but... I love you.”
They closed their eyes, not believing what she was hearing. Ugly. Fierce. Incapable of a single kind word. Uninteresting. Chu Wanning was nothing but a fool, but what a fool she was. For a moment, they almost believed that what Mo Ran was saying was true. That he might really love her back in the same way that Wanning had kept hidden inside for years. So long. It had been so long, it was impossible to end up hoping for anything else. She was fated to live and die alone.
“I love you,” Mo Ran said again, slightly louder and slightly firmer in the way that only confirmed what he meant.
It just made it that much more frightening for Chu Wanning. Ridiculous, she wanted to say, wanted to act like their usual self, wanted to run away from all of this.
“I have a bad temper,” they finally whispered.
“But you’re nice to me.”
“I’m old.”
“You look younger than me, Wanning. And I’m still 22,” he snorted softly at their attempts to persuade him otherwise, wondering just how badly Chu Wanning really viewed herself.
“I’m so ugly” was the response that came. Mo Ran’s jaw dropped, his eyes wide. Probably from my stating the obvious , Chu Wanning thought bitterly. “I’m not as beautiful as you are.”
Sighing, Mo Ran gently cupped their cheek. His hand was warm on her skin, and Wanning hoped that he couldn’t see her flushing harder.
“Look at my eyes, Wanning.” The soft look in his eyes as he smiled at Chu Wanning reflected them, dressed head-to-toe in white. “She’s the most beautiful person in the world. Don’t you see that too?”
He received only a glare back as they trembled, gently squeezing their hand. “I love you.”
She couldn’t do this. If only he had never said anything at all. They couldn’t possibly believe any of this, couldn’t be more anxious than they were right now.
“I’ve never been liked.” Thirty-two years, and nobody had truly loved her in that time. Nobody wanted them, nobody wanted to be happy with them. So why did the woman in front of her look like he was about to cry? There was a look of indescribable pain on his face, and Chu Wanning couldn’t interpret it at all.
He only held their hand tighter and mumbled a series of yeses, as if he couldn’t bring himself to say more than that without tearing up.
“What about you?”
“...What?”
“I’m so stupid, so ignorant, so unreliable. I’ve done unforgivable things, Wanning,” he said, whispering the next part. “Will you like me?”
She pulled their hand away, turning away from him and silently begging for him to stop talking. Unfortunately for them, he asked about the pouch.
“Don’t say it.”
Their blush betrayed them, however, as she turned redder than before. She refused to say anything else, and Mo Ran sat there, slightly hurt and confused. Reaching for her hand again, he watched as they turned away, blushing harder but not letting go. He finally understood; Chu Wanning... liked him too.