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Alisaie knew what people thought of her. They thought she had no brains and only used her sword in any given situation. They believed she would pointlessly risk her and her friends’ safety because they thought she had fun in dangerous situations. People looked down on her because she had a more fiery personality than her brother, who was just as stupid as she was, only he hid it better most of the time.
The one she found the most hurtful was the fact people thought she wasn’t intelligent. That she didn’t study. That she cheated her way through the Studium. Alisaie knew full well that she had her foibles, but she was not stupid and she would never cheat in academia! She had gotten into the Studium on her own merit, the same as Alphinaud, at age eleven. She had graduated with full marks at sixteen. Did that not show that she was more than a weapon?
When she overheard one of the Scions tell Hoary Boulder that she would end up getting kidnapped by the Garleans and then likely tortured and raped, and her recklessness would be at fault, Alisaie had retreated and sat on her bed inside the Rising Stones. She stared down at her hands, but she would not cry. “Do they really think so low of me?” she whispered, opening and closing her hands. “Do they really think I would put myself in such a situation?”
She could see it happening, too, the way they imagined it. She could see herself trying to gain information on a Garlean camp the way she had on Ardbert and his friends, but instead of a poisoned arrow, it was capture. Alisaie could only vaguely imagine what would come after, but it made her wrap her arms around herself and squeeze tight. There was always a chance that clashing with the Garleans would result in something like this, but she had never been accused of being so reckless that it would be her fault.
I wouldn’t let that happen, she told herself. I would never allow myself to be in a situation where I could be captured. She had trained too long and too hard, and she had learned her lesson from her encounter with the Warriors of Darkness. It would be a long time before she tried such a thing again, especially when Thancred had far more practice in espionage. Her body was relearning the skills she had acquired on the First, and she knew her limits.
“Why do they think so little of me? I know I have joked about being reckless, but—but—” She stopped to take measured breaths. Alisaie was not going to cry, and losing control of her breathing would only lead to tears. Then her door opened and she saw her brother standing in the doorway.
Somehow, she felt caught, but as she hadn’t cried, there was nothing to be embarrassed over. Unless he heard her too. What if he heard what she said about me? Alisaie watched him shut the door and come to her bed with some trepidation. His moonstone carbuncle followed him, she saw, and it leapt straight into her lap. She let out a gasp at the surprise weight but wrapped her arms around the enormous, squishy pet. Alisaie began petting it while Alphinaud sat down next to her, and then pressed her face into its soft fur.
“I will never let you be captured,” her brother declared, and it only made her press her face further against his fluffy companion. So he’d heard after all. “Alisaie…”
“They all think that about me!” she hissed, lifting her face enough to catch his eye. “They all think I am a boorish, reckless, foolish dunderhead! And they forgive you when you do something foolish! What have I done to make them think I do not have a brain?!”
Alphinaud shook his head. “They don’t understand your methods, that’s all. You are in no such danger with the Garlean Empire like what she said about you.”
“I don’t understand,” she said, defeated. “Do the others think this about me? Urianger or Y’shtola? Thancred? G’raha?” Then, her eyes widened. “Or… our friend?” That was too horrible. If their friend, her greatest hero, thought so poorly of her, she didn’t think she could bear the shame.
“No!” He leaned forward in earnest. “None of our friends think that of you. You are none of those things she said and implied about you. We know you better than that. And you know that I am always beside you.”
Alisaie pressed her face against the carbuncle again. Once more she felt imagined pain in her body from the imaginary trauma. “What if it happened, and… and something permanent happened to me? Would you not find me disgusting?”
“Alisaie…” She felt his hand on her head, and apparently he had taken off his gloves. “Alisaie, no matter what, you are my sister. My twin sister. There is nothing you could do that would make me think so ill of you. There is nothing that could happen to you that could make me think so ill of you. Nothing. Neither tempered by a god nor… nor whatever imagined torture from the Garleans would make me or our friends who love you think any lesser of you.” He stroked her hair, trying to soothe her, and she felt her shoulders slowly relax. “They think they have us both figured out, and they don’t want to think critically about us, especially you. They are wrong.”
“I thought I was being amusing when I joked about how I was doing something horribly reckless again,” she mumbled, peeking at him over the carbuncle. “I only meant to tease.”
He smiled affectionately. “Well, our friend certainly thought you were being hilarious when she wasn’t worried about how G’raha was faring.”
“He turned out all right in the end.”
“Yes, thankfully, and so have we, much to everyone’s relief.”
Alisaie smiled and sat up. His hand dropped from her head, and the two of them began petting his carbuncle. After a while, she said, “You really don’t believe her?”
“I don’t believe anything she said about you. I know you far better than anyone like her ever could. You are just as clever and deserve to be here, Alisaie.”
She leaned against his shoulder and allowed the large, white carbuncle to snuggle closer. “Thank you, Alphinaud. It was… it was a moment of weakness. That’s all.”
“There’s my brave, courageous sister,” he teased. “You have my support, always.”
Later, their friend found the pair laughing over reminiscing fond memories, and she smiled to see Alisaie in good cheer. The words still hurt, but the balm of her brother’s love and the Archons’ friendship would let her heal.