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"So, Harris... what condition is he in this time?"
"Uh! Poor sod. Pretty bad shape. He'll most likely need a complete overhaul, repair and restore. I don't know why some folks feel the need to damage him so much. I realize they do it to get the feels from their readers. To stretch and grow his character and story... but c'mon, people, really? Give the poor bastard a break now and again, will ya?" Harris replied, shuffling through paperwork and pushing the various volumes into piles on the counter.
"That bad, eh?" Norton added, shuffling and sorting on his counter.
"I guess they depend on us to do what we do so there's enough of him to spread around." Harris ruminated. He paused for a moment before returning to his task at hand. He gently picked up the 'Jack Robinson' volume and turned it over, noting the damage in his log, and shaking his head in sympathy.
"Mmm..." Norton nodded absentmindedly. "Who's the culprit this time?"
"Uh... lemme check." Harris looked through the accompanying paperwork to find the handle of the latest author to borrow a 'Jack' from The Library. "Looks like, uh, LadyRoxie. Yeah..." He huffed out a breath. "That last one was a doozie. Let's see..." He ran his finger down the page to the line he was looking for. "It was for a phic called 'Between the Shadow and the Soul.'"
Harris continued to assay the volume in his hand, scrupulously examining it for any and all signs of damage. As he turned it over in his gloved hand, he started a verbal catalog to enter into the log. "Heavy duty chest wound, partially healed then reopened, bruising, superficial cuts, massive bleeding, burns – partially healed, damage to several digits, and arm. Yeah... he'll need a good deal of extra time and care in The Restoration Lab."
Norton shook his head. "Huh. Pretty bad then, eh?"
Harris nodded to his colleague. "We might have to bring a couple of the other copies out before this edition's fit to be checked out again, if it ever is."
"Think he might have to go to the Special Collections Wing?" Norton queried.
"Mmm... most likely," Harris agreed as he entered in his evaluation into the log.
"I know we pretty much have an infinite number of editions of 'Jack' thanks to the 'Jack-O-Matic 5000X,' but you can get quite attached to a particular edition, eh?" Norton stopped and rubbed his thumb and forefinger on his chin, and pursed his lips.
"You bet, yep, yep." Harris replied as he made some more notations in his log. "Still... Hey, remember that one that came back with a slightly altered double attached to it? Twice! The 'Jack/Henry' two pack? Who's was that?" he asked with a slight chuckle.
"Sassy something? Wait a sec, yeah. Sassasam. It was checked out back in October of '14 for 'You Belong to Someone Else,' but the backlog was so bad we hadn't gotten a chance to work on that one. So we just gave her that edition back for 'Double the Pleasure, Double the Fun' in April of '15. The Restoration Lab had an interesting time trying to separate the merged parts. I think they finally gave up and just put it in the Special Editions section. May as well." Norton laughed and shifted his eyes sideways. "They brushed out the chocolate cake crumbs, but I think it still has a faint smell of cigars."
Harris moved one pile to the cart for reshelving. "Well... That just means we have a new edition for check out, eh? Win some, lose some." He sighed.
"I'd call that a win, yeah. Fer shure." Norton agreed, continuing to log and file. "And speaking of losing some... What about that one that came back soaking wet, and it was only the cover? The Lab's analysis came back salt water mixed with tears. Lotta crying over that one."
Harris looked back through the logs and found what he was looking for and pulled up the card from the card catalog. "Here it is – leafingbookstea's 'Dance Me to the End of Love.' Mmm... the lab wasn't happy about that one – pretty much had to start from scratch."
They continued to sort and file the returned 'Jacks.' Most were ready for immediate reshelving and available for check out by the next author needing one. Some needed a bit of fluffing up then were good to go. A select few needed more careful attention, which was the specialty of The Restoration Lab. Up 'til now there hadn't been an edition that was beyond recovery, but there were a few that were pulled from general circulation and put into the Special Collections/Rare Editions room which were only to be looked at and 'borrowed' under watchful supervision.
"Hah!" Harris blurted out, startling his colleague. "Remember that one time that Jack came back without a cover?"
"Which time?" Norton huffed out a laugh. "Not like there haven't been PLENTY of times THAT'S happened, eh? Pretty much for every phic that's an 'E' rating, and a good number of the ‘M’ rated ones as well." They both chuckled.
"Touché. Well then, how 'bout when we get the returns from 'The Queen of Angst?' He always seems to have a furrowed brow, or more wrinkles when he comes back from her... uh..." He found and pulled out the appropriate card and held it up for Norton to see. "'FireSign' - that's her. She certainly keeps us in business, thank God!
Norton shook his head, closed his eyes and smirked. He set his elbow on the countertop and leaned over, his other hand fisted on his hip. "Yeah... The Lab gets their steam press plugged in and warmed up every time she checks a 'Jack' out. Standard operating procedure at this point. Ha! At least she tries to smooth him out before she returns him."
"She does at that," Harris concurred. "I'll tell you though... I had a strange return or two in my time. Like that one from 'olderbynow' - 'Zigzagging Through the Night' - came back with needle marks. Needle marks? What's up with that? Poor guy. Getting poked and prodded. What'd he ever do to deserve that?" He waggled his head again.
"Did you see that return from 'CollingwoodGirl?' It had charcoal fingerprints all over it." Norton thought back to recall the phic name. "Oh yeah... 'The Artist and The Muse.' The Lab had to flip through and check every corner before getting him back in circulation. Had to do a sort of reverse dusting for prints on that one."
"Most of 'em are pretty good when they get back, though. Occasionally you'll get one back that's all dusty, like the one 'Sarahtoo' had. He was checked out for quite a bit." Harris moved the last pile onto the filing cart and rolled it in front of the counter. "Let's see... 'Coded Expressions.' I was especially fond of the bookmark that was left with him. It had some very beautiful Aboriginal art on it. That's on my 'left items' board in the office – you've seen it."
"I have. I have. It is nice." Norton acknowledged, nodding. "Kinda like the bookmark I got from 'Dispatch22705' after the return of that 'Jack.' Looked like strips of several men's ties. Uhh... 'Untitled Tie Fic' I believe it was." He gathered a stack of papers in his hands and straightened them on the counter, then placed them in the tray at the side of his work space. He reached for the rest of his returns and placed them on his cart and followed his colleague's lead.
"Ahhh... so THAT'S what that is. I've seen that on your board. I was wondering about that. Men's ties... huh?" Harris' lips turned down in contemplation as his mind's eye connected the image of the bookmark with the item of clothing. "Hm. Interesting to say the least." He looked across to the opposite counter and asked, "You ready?"
"Yep. Let's do it," Norton replied as he moved in front of the counter to grab the handle of his returns cart.
They rolled their carts in tandem down the aisle to re-file the returned 'Jacks.' Several went back into the 'Fluff' section, a large stack went back in the 'Angst' section (after all, FireSign's birthday had just passed), a good number were to go back in the 'Explicit/Mature' sections, (but those would need a cleaning in The Lab prior to returning to the stacks.) There was also a goodly pile that went back into the 'Humor' section.
After filing away all their returns, they headed to The Restoration Lab to drop off the latest severely damaged copy of 'Jack.' They both bowed their heads solemnly as Harris gingerly lifted the 'Jack' out of the tray on the top shelf of his cart. Norton opened the receiving drawer at the entrance of The Lab, removed the archival box from the drawer and held it open. Harris gently set the damaged 'Jack' into the box, and Norton set the filled box back into the drawer. He set the accompanying envelope of paperwork on top of the box, gave it a light tap, and closed the drawer. After hearing it click shut, he entered the requisite code on the panel next to the drawer. The drawer began to automatically cycle into the automated system, a loud click followed by humming and whirring. Damaged 'Jack' was off to the lower levels of The Restoration Lab to be cared for, repaired, and restored as best as possible before 'retiring' to the Special Collections Wing.
The Librarians grabbed their carts and returned them to their stations, their work finished for the evening. They ambled over to the break room chatting amiably as they gathered their things.
"You going out for drinks tonight Harris? Hot date maybe?" Norton grinned, raising his eyebrows in his colleague's direction.
"Nah... think I'll stay in tonight and check out all the hubbub on AO3. See if there's any new phics to check out," Harris said, a lopsided grin breaking out on his face.
"I swear, Harris... why do you torture yourself like that? You eat, sleep, and breathe this job, don'tcha?" Norton chuffed, shaking his head.
"Keeps me on my toes, dunnit? Gives me a leg up on what to expect work-wise. 'sides... it ain't all that bad. Some good readin' if you ask me. And frankly, some pretty hot stuff too. Kinda addicting, come to think of it." Harris switched off the break room light as they headed out for the night. "Ready?"
"Let's go." Norton followed behind and shut the door behind him. As they headed towards the employee entrance, they passed the 'Jack-O-Matic 5000X' control panel. "I got it," he said. He set the timer and pressed the start button. "After that big rush of check-outs, we should have enough new stock by the morning to cover the incoming requests. " He clapped his hand on Harris' shoulder. "Have fun tonight. Don't stay up too late, y’nutter. You know how you are when you stay up to the wee hours buried in phics." Norton chuckled, shook his head and headed for his car.
Harris waved him on. "Yep. See ya bright and early."