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The voice was beautiful.
It was soft and a little husky; not too high nor too low. It was rather entrancing, coupled with the faint sounds of a piano. It was too far away, though. He couldn't hear it properly; couldn't hear the words clearly.
The voice grew louder as the song reached its peak, and then faded slowly, echoes of the voice still ringing.
Ryo awoke with a jolt, falling off the couch with a thump. He hissed, slowly sitting up and rubbing his elbow where it hit the floor. And then he remembered, stilling for a moment.
That voice. It sent goosebumps up and down Ryo's arms, his stomach doing somersaults with just the memory of it. He wondered if it was all in his mind, just some figment of his imagination. The voice kept ringing in his head though, as if unwilling to let Ryo forget it.
And somehow, Ryo realised that he was falling in love. With a voice.
>>><<<
Ohkura stared. "You did what," he deadpanned. It wasn't even a question.
"It wasn't exactly optional," Ryo muttered, trying to hide a yawn. "It just happened."
"Right." Ohkura wasn't buying it. "You're crazy."
"But who do you think it was?" Ryo asked, once Ohkura had rolled his eyes and moved to bump Maru out of his seat, "Yasu?"
"No idea," Yasu said, distracted as he scribbled notes down on a piece of paper. "No-one is meant to be here at night. Except the cleaners. And I suppose Johnny. But I doubt you heard Johnny singing," he giggled, throwing a glance over to Yoko, who snorted.
"Yeah, you can just imagine him, prancing around in one of those really sparkly outfits and singing Love so Sweet," Yoko laughed.
"Oh no-- I do not want to see that---"
"See, now you've scarred Yasu. I hope you're happy," Ohkura said, petting Yasu's hair.
How that was Ryo's fault, he would never know. "So, who do you think it was?"
"We already said we didn't know," Subaru muttered, from his place on the couch, where he was sprawled with an arm over his eyes. "Will you shut up for two seconds?"
"Maybe Ryo is going crazy," Maru said, heading over to the now exasperated Ryo and placing a hand on his forehead, as if crazy could be measured through his temperature, "Maybe you didn't hear anything."
"But I did! I just can't figure out who it was..."
The next few days were the same, with Ryo wondering aloud, and Maru still fussing over his mental health. Until Ohkura snapped.
"Okay, that's enough!" he yelled, and Ryo paused, turning around with his towel in-hand. The room went quiet, and even Subaru sat up to pay attention.
"What?"
"You are driving me mental," Ohkura shouted. "We don't know who the fuck you heard that night! And frankly, I don't give a shit!"
The room was silent. "It's true," Yasu finally piped up, and Ryo turned to him, slightly upset. Yasu was the one among them that he trusted the most; he was the one he turned to first with his problems. "I'm sorry, Ryo, but it's getting annoying."
Subaru opened his mouth to say something, too, but Ryo just walked out, ignoring him.
>>><<<
He hadn't really spoken of the voice since then, mostly because of the way both Ohkura and Subaru would sigh in annoyance if he did, and partly because he was slightly worried about the way Maru would still check his temperature.
But when Jin invited he and Pi over for drinks to celebrate the success of his album (which hadn't actually come out yet), Ryo found he couldn't stop talking of it. Jin was a great listener when he was drunk.
Pi wasn't, but Ryo wasn't paying him any attention.
"And you're saying it was a piano?" Jin asked.
"Yes-- well, the piano wasn't singing," Ryo said, and Jin nodded. "There was someone playing the piano."
"Well, that makes more sense now."
"But I've, like, fallen in love with their voice or some shit," Ryo mumbled, taking a long drink from his beer.
"That's cool," Jin said, "Like a fairytale or something."
Ryo chose to ignore that. "Do you know who it could have been?"
"No clue," Jin shrugged. "But I know sometimes I stay back if I haven't finished a song." Jin suddenly gasped, jumping in his seat and spilling his beer. "Maybe it was me!"
Ryo stared. "I hope not." Jin giggled and collapsed off his chair, crawling over to Yamapi. "God I hope not."
>>><<<
Not even Shige knew what he was talking about, and Shige knew everything.
>>><<<
The only clue he had was Jin's song-writing theory, and that didn't lead him very far. He had even asked Taguchi, who had launched into an over-the-top plan about finding this person. Ryo was desperate to find who it was, sure, but he thought that yeah, maybe bringing in the army was taking it a bit too far.
It was late one Tuesday when he next heard the voice.
He was packing up, sighing at the end of a hard day. His back was aching, his eyes scratchy, and he had stubbed his toe on the same table at least three times. Ryo threw his hat into his bag none too carefully, but then stopped dead as he heard it.
It was the same song as last time, but he could hear it clearer, without the haziness of sleep clogging his mind now. He felt his heartbeat quicken, and he knew then that these feelings - however odd they may be - were real.
He had to find where it was coming from.
Ryo ran out of the room, pausing in the doorway before realising the music was coming from the right. He turned and ran, his heart racing, this strange desperation fuelling him on. He had never felt like this before, and it was scaring him a little.
Nerves filled his body as he stopped dead next to the open doorway to one of the music rooms, panting, and craned his neck, trying to see who was in there.
Ueda.
It was Ueda.
He was sitting there, in front of the piano, his face peaceful as his fingers danced across the keys. His entire being was focused on the instrument in front of him, pouring everything he had into the music, the beautiful melody. And then he started singing, his voice enchanting through its highs and lows, wavering slightly as he finished.
Ryo made sure he was hidden behind the doorframe as Ueda scrunched his nose up and plucked a pencil from behind his ear, making quick notes on the sheet music perched atop the piano. He nodded to himself, and placed his fingers back on the keys, gently playing the new tune.
Goosebumps rose on Ryo's skin again, and he shivered, Ueda's voice washing over him. Ueda was kind of beautiful like this, Ryo thought, as he peeked around the doorframe again. Ueda's eyes were dark and engrossed in his music as he played; his fingers gliding over those keys - white and black and white again.
And there was this feeling coursing through Ryo's veins slowly, as he watched him play. He wasn't entirely sure what it was, but he let it go, content to just watch Ueda as he sang.
Had Ueda's voice always been like this? It was imperfect, sure, but it held so much raw emotion. Ryo found himself entranced, lost within the song and the voice.
Ryo snapped back to his senses as Ueda finished, closing the lid of the piano loudly, and Ryo barely had time to hurry back to his dressing room before Ueda walked out of the room, bag slung over his shoulder.
Ryo leant against the wall, his mind whirling.
Of all people, he definitely hadn't been expecting Ueda.
>>><<<
He hadn't told anyone. Even though they would probably stop making fun of him about the voice, he couldn't bring it upon himself to admit aloud that it was Ueda. Because then, a whole new wave of embarrassment would wash upon him, and he wouldn't hear the end of it if this reached Ueda's ears. Or Jin's.
Oh God, anyone but Jin.
Ryo found himself staying back later at work, waiting for Ueda to start playing, even though he wasn't there every night. Ueda would only play at night.
And every time he saw Ueda playing that piano, there was that feeling again, and no amount of willing it away would change it. He hated it, that whirling feeling in the pit of his stomach as he watched Ueda. He hated knowing what it was turning into.
But yet, he couldn't stop it.
And it was strange, passing Ueda in the corridors. Ueda would always look at the floor as he walked, his mind somewhere distant, his eyebrows furrowed, deep in thought. Ryo would always think back to that man sitting at the piano, focused on his music. It was like there were two different sides to Ueda.
For some reason, Ryo wanted to know both of them.
>>><<<
"Hey, Pi," Ryo tried one day, lying on Yamapi's floor, "What do you do when you're in love with someone you're not supposed to be in love with?"
Yamapi poked his head out of the kitchen. "...I have to be honest with you, Ryo. I have no idea what you just said."
Ryo groaned. "Well, I kind of like someone... and I really shouldn't."
"What do you mean, Ryo?" Yamapi asked, walking out of the kitchen with their coffees, "People can love whoever they want."
Ryo looked up at him. "You think so?"
"Of course," Yamapi said, sighing as he fell back onto the couch. "There are no rules, Ryo. You can't control who you fall in love with."
>>><<<
You can't control who you fall in love with.
Ryo found himself outside the piano room yet again, crouching next to the doorway as Ueda played. It was a different song today, but just as heartbreaking; Ryo swore he heard Ueda's voice crack a few times as he sung.
The song was about love; a love that had lasted for years, even through the hard times. Even though the person he was singing about was unaware of his feelings; even though they were barely even friends, his love never once wavered.
Ryo didn't even know he was crying until a tear fell onto his hand.
>>><<<
Ryo had forgotten his favourite hat - mean people suck - back in the dressing room. It was a Sunday, and almost two in the afternoon, and he knew Kanjani weren't in the building today. He knew KAT-TUN weren't supposed to be either, so it came as a shock when he heard the singing.
He paused, everything coming together at that moment, his heart racing as he thought of what he was going to do.
He was going to confess.
And he was terrified.
He stood in front of the door to the music room, staring at it, trying to hype himself up enough. He could do this. He might be laughed at, or punched, or just stared at, but he needed to do it.
Then he was turning the doorknob and falling through the door, tripping over his own feet.
Ueda looked up from the piano in surprise, turning to look at Ryo, who had paused with wide eyes. "...Hi," he panted. Ueda nodded slowly.
"Hi...?" he said slowly, "Were... you there the whole time?"
Ryo shook his head, panting slightly and still clinging to the door. "I just came in now," he said, feeling rather awkward. Ueda nodded.
"Oh."
"That...that song you were singing is nice," Ryo tried, finally taking his hand off the doorknob and walking closer.
Ueda looked up at him with an indescribable look in his eyes. "Oh. Thankyou."
Ryo wasn't sure what to do now.
"What're you--"
"It's about you," Ueda blurted, quickly averting his gaze. Ryo froze.
"What?"
"The song," he murmured. "The song... is about you."
Ryo felt his stomach flip. "What?"
"Oh honestly, Nishikido, is that the only thing you can say?" Ueda snapped, standing up and brushing past him, stuffing the sheet music into his bag.
Ryo didn't know what to say. "The song about... the one-sided love?" he asked tentatively. Ueda nodded slowly. "You...you love me?" he asked in disbelief.
Ueda's back was facing him, but he saw his shoulders stiffen, and he paused. "Is that so bad?" he murmured, turning around. "Is it such a terrible thing for me to love you?"
What? "What?"
Ueda rolled his eyes. "Sometimes I worry about my taste in men."
"Eh?"
"Ever the eloquent one," Ueda laughed. Then, "...I'm sorry."
"Hmm?" Ryo asked, leaning forward a little. "Sorry for what?"
"For loving you," Ueda answered, and Ryo stared. "I ca--"
"You can't control who you fall in love with," Ryo whispered, and Ueda looked up from inspecting his own shoelaces.
"What?"
Ryo smiled a little. "It just happens," he continued, looking into Ueda's eyes.
"I suppose so," Ueda chuckled.
"I kind of...heard you singing it a while ago," Ryo admitted. "I've been listening to you sing for a few weeks now."
"...Ah," was all Ueda said.
"I think I fell in love with your voice," he laughed awkwardly.
"That's kind of creepy."
"I know."
Ueda smiled. "But also... kind of sweet, at the same time. Thankyou."
"I'm not saying you're any good," Ryo scoffed, trying to gain back some dignity, but Ueda just laughed.
"Right," he said. "So, you're saying you fell in love with me?"
"What? That's not what I--"
"Just saying," Ueda said offhandedly, fingers tinkering away on the piano keys as he stood, "It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world."
Ryo felt strangely light, his stomach doing backflips as he watched him. "Maybe...maybe I should kiss you and find out," he said, his voice not as strong as he would have liked. Ueda looked at him, something akin to curiosity in his eyes.
Ryo would very much like to kiss Ueda right now.
"Maybe you should," Ueda murmured, and Ryo stood, not taking his eyes off him as he walked forward.
It was kind of weird, standing so close to someone he barely knew. But Ueda's eyes were encouraging, and Ryo kind of really wanted to kiss him, so he did. He leant forward and kissed him, his arms winding around Ueda's waist as Ueda kissed him back, his own hands resting on Ryo's shoulders.
They pulled apart slowly, just looking at each other, and taking their time figuring out their thoughts. Ueda smiled slightly, uncertainly.
Ryo was breathless. He felt as though he had been punched; like there was some kind of storm within his body, all his emotions running wild. He couldn't breathe; even looking into Ueda's eyes, his breath caught in his throat.
"Are you okay...?" Ueda asked, mistaking Ryo's revelation for panic.
"I love you," was all Ryo said, before kissing Ueda again. Ueda made a surprised noise in the back of his throat, but relaxed in Ryo's arms, kissing him back. Ryo smiled into the kiss, deepening it, and running his hands up and down Ueda's back, goosebumps once again rising on his skin. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he murmured in between kisses, and Ueda laughed.
"That's good, then, because I love you, too."
--the end