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Magnus hadn’t seen Alec in three days. He was away in Idris on Institute business and wasn’t expected home to what was pretty much their loft for another four days. They had coped with such long lengths of separation before but they had always been in touch, be it texting throughout the day or calling in the evening until one of them couldn’t keep their eyes open any longer. But this time they weren’t speaking. Or texting. Or even sending fire messages.
There had been an argument the night before Alec was due to leave. He couldn’t remember what had started it but he remembered explicitly how it had ended. Alec sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, hunched over himself. His face hidden from view but Magnus knew every inch of the Shadowhunter and he had known how exhausted Alec had been, had known how angry and frustrated he was, had known that they weren’t going to see each other for almost a week. Magnus shouldn't have let it carry on. Not if it was going to be the last thing they talked about.
He hadn’t listened to rationality. No. Of course not. That would have been sensible. Magnus had carried on regardless of how tired both of them were, had carried on regardless of the fact that it was already far later than it had any right to have been. He hadn’t shouted. They had moved past shouting about half an hour before. Magnus had been making cold jabs at the Shadowhunter, bringing up things he had no control over. Like how he almost always came home to Magnus covered in cuts infected with demon blood or how he was going to be leaving to go to Idris and they had had a day's warning.
What he saw most vividly though, replaying over and over in his head, was how Alec had taken it all. A tense ball of pent up anger and fatigue yet he had stopped taking it out on Magnus. He was turning it on himself and Magnus hadn’t noticed until it was too late. Until Alec had stood and moved until there was almost no space between them, Magnus had stopped talking mid sentence. Had looked up into the hazel eyes above him, his own glamour had been up and strong. He kept his glamour heavy when he was feeling vulnerable and in that moment he had been scared as it all crashed onto him. What he had said, what he had accused Alec of and blamed on him in the past who knew how long. Magnus had never felt more vulnerable and guilt-ridden.
Alec had raised his hand to touch Magnus’s cheek but being the idiot he was, he had flinched back. That had been the final straw. Alec had closed off, behind those god forsaken walls, and was moving past Magnus with the natural, angelic grace that ran in his veins and in his every action. He had taken his jacket and left. Magnus had let him.
Now here he was. Lying awake in bed for the fourth night in a row. Completely unable to close his eyes without seeing the pain etched into his boyfriend’s face when he had flinched from his touch. It tore at his eyes and made him feel sick but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He was helpless to the nightmare he had helped create. He just wanted Alec to come home. To talk to him. Three days was too long. Three hours was too long when they were arguing. If they even were anymore. They needed to talk. Now.
Magnus rolled out of bed, picked up his phone from his nightstand and went into the living room to curl up with Chairman Meow as he pressed call. He knew it was late in Idris but nowhere near as late as it was for Magnus. He hoped Alec was awake. It rang for what felt like years, nothing but the beeps from the phone and the Chairman’s purring as Magnus absently ran a hand through his fur.
“Hi.” Alec’s voice came through at last, he sounded as sleep-deprived as Magnus felt. It made him feel a little better but then even worse when he realised how relieved he was that his boyfriend couldn’t sleep either.
“You haven’t been sleeping.” Was not what he should have said. Magnus was not off to a good start.
“Doesn’t sound like you have either.”
“Mhmm you’ve got me there.” Magnus smiled sadly, letting himself relax with hearing Alec’s voice once again. He hadn’t realised quite how tense he had been until then.
“Magnus…”
“Yes?”
“You need to get some sleep.”
“I don’t think I can.” Magnus heard Alec sigh deeply.
“I know the feeling. Magnus, I’m sorry I just left like that. I should have stayed, talked it through. I mean, relationships take effort after all.”
“I’m all for effort.”
“Me too.”
“I’m sorry too Alexander. I shouldn’t have...said any of that. I didn’t mean a word of it, I was...angry and so much of what happens to you...when you come back to me injured and sometimes nearly dying...it scares me. I took it out on you and that was wrong of me. I’m sorry.”
“I know, Mags. I know. I...we’ll talk properly when I get back. I promise. I want us to get through this...if...if you do too?” Alec’s voice rose a little at the end, making it a question rather than a definite statement and it made Magnus want to spend as long as it took to make the other amn understand just how much he wanted it to work out between them.
“We’ll figure it out.”
“Okay.”
“Try to get some sleep, darling. You sound like you need it.” Alec laughed softly on the other end of the phone and it made Magnus’s heart lift and the twisting feeling in his stomach eased instantly.
“You too, Mags. I will if you do.”
“Deal. I’ll call again tomorrow?”
“Good, I’ve missed you.” Alec’s voice was nearly impossible to hear and Magnus replied in the same whisper.
“Me too, Alexander. Me too.”
“Goodnight Magnus.”
“Goodnight, darling.”