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It all starts because Tony was being, well, Tony. Pepper thought she had a good grasp on how the man she was dating worked. It was quickly apparent though, that working with Tony and living with Tony were two completely different things. Oh, she knows he loves her, but sometimes even that’s not enough to deal with the eccentric genius.
Pepper quickly comes to realize there were certain levels on the Tony Stark Exasperation Chart (patent pending). Level One is simple and easily resolved with a glass of really nice wine or a perfectly blended margarita. Level Two usually results in an afternoon at her favorite spa with the phone shut off. Levels Three and Four involve his Black card and testing its uncapped spending limits.
Level Five involves banning all Starks; robots and A.I.’s included; from the kitchen until Pepper’s sure she won’t electrocute one of them, accidentally or otherwise. She scours old cookbooks to find intricate recipes that require concentration and perfect timing. After today’s “I’m sorry I nearly destroyed the house for the 3rd time this week” debacle, she settles on lemon meringue pie.
Lemons are filched from Tony’s well-appointed wet bar. She squeezes them by hand, working her exasperation out on the crystal (really Tony?) juicer until the cup is full. A few quick measurements and she sets sugar, water, and other ingredients to boil on the stove. Pepper’s mood lightens as she delicately separates egg whites from the yolks, whisking the yellow centers until they froth. As the contents of her pot boil, she carefully combines the two, eventually adding the juice. The filling ready, she slides the pie into the oven to bake.
Her attention turns to the whites. Pepper deftly adds them to a mixer, beating away the last of her irritation. She adds sugar until the whites form a stiff, but pliable meringue. A few moments later has the pie back in the oven and the seemingly unflappable CEO back to her boardroom calm.
And if Tony appears in the kitchen a few hours later with a glass of wine and her favorite take out in hand, well, Pepper won’t complain too much.
Darcy arrives at the tower in a whirl of science, snark, and organized chaos. Officially she’s there to help Jane set up her new lab before heading to Columbia for her graduate program. That changes when Jane goes through three assistants in four weeks. Apparently team SuperScience can be difficult to work with. So between classes and homework, Darcy organizes, transcribes, files, and tries to keep her science teams functioning like grown adults. Occasionally that entails feeding them something that didn’t come from a box or restaurant.
Like all recent college grads, Darcy fully understands the breakfast food is really anytime food. It starts with Jane and Tony one afternoon after dragging them away from a manic 12 hour Science! session and into the communal kitchen. She keeps them distracted by engaging Stark in an increasingly lewd snark off that makes him laugh and Jane blush. As she trades jabs with the billionaire she poaches eggs, fries thin slices of Canadian bacon and whisks together a heart-attack inducing hollandaise sauce. The food is barely placed on English muffins before the two sciences inhale it and stumble away to sleep off the science high.
A few weeks later finds Darcy attempting to bribe Bruce away from the lab before a SHIELD mandated team exercise. She fights dirty, employing her secret weapon. Bruce has a weakness for sweets and eventually the promise of crepes draws him from his lab. He joins her in the kitchen and watches as she mixes together a light batter. Bruce can’t help but smile as she teases him about his absentminded professor attire and fluffy hair. Darcy slides the first plate with fruit filled crepes and maple sausage to him as Clint walks in carrying a drink tray with three cups of dark French roast coffee. It earns him a smile and his own plate piled with fruity goodness. The two men managed to both put away multiple plates before their SHIELD obligations call.
Not long after Darcy stumbles into the kitchen after a night of SuperScience to find Steve contemplating an open fridge. She ignores his protests as she elbows him aside and pulls out eggs, sausage, cheese, and vegetables. They begin to debate the merits of podcasts versus old radio shows as Pepper wanders in having just flown in from Japan. Darcy unceremoniously herds her to the island as well and serves up omelets and home fries. By the end of breakfast she’s half asleep at the table, but scored some awesome Pepper-approved quotes for her Politics and Global Trade classes (suck it Professor Adams!) and downloaded the original radio broadcast of “War of the Worlds” onto Steve’s iPod.
Three months into working at/with/for Stark Industries, the only Avenger she hasn’t fed at least a few times is Natasha. It finally happens early one late fall morning. She’s sitting at the island, textbooks strewn over the entire surface (midterms suck ok?) when the compact redhead joins her. Darcy swears she sees something that looks like disappointment flicker in the assassin’s eyes and decides it’s time for a break. She stands and stretches, pointing to a second chair at the island. Natasha’s eyebrows quirk, but she sits none the less. The two women sit in silence as she brews two strong cups of black tea, toasts bread, and stirs together bowls of oatmeal. A sneaky smile crosses her face as she roots around in the fridge and pulls out a well-hidden bowl of strawberries. Darcy may have seen Natasha enjoying a few pieces of the usually contraband fruit at the last fundraiser. She tops the bowls with a bit of brown sugar and slices of the fruit. They sit together and eat, Darcy studying while Natasha reviews mission reports.
The others filter in and out while she studies. Some sit and eat, a few get coffee, and Clint puts an espresso beside her books just as her energy starts to wane. Darcy hums her thanks and returns to her books, knowing that once midterms are done, she’ll be back to bribing scientists and superheroes with the power of her breakfast foods.
Tony isn’t worried. Yes, Rogers and Barton were due back from their mission three days ago and they’ve been off grid for the past four. But that’s not why he and JARVIS hacked SHIELD again and are monitoring their communications, or why he’s in the lab trying to create a tracking device that’s all but invisible to any sensors but his. But he isn’t worried because Tony Stark is a self-absorbed playboy and worries about no one. So when JARVIS informs him that both agents have returned to the helicarrier with only minor injuries, he isn’t relieved at all. He also doesn’t ask to be informed when they return to the tower.
Half a day later the two errant agents finally return home, both collapsing on the couches in the communal living area. Tony wanders in on his way to the penthouse and finds them both half asleep and can’t help a smart comment about dirty agents on his furniture. Steve scowls half-heartedly while Clint flips him off. As he gets in the elevator, he hears Clint asking JARVIS if there’s any food in the tower.
Once in penthouse, Tony tells JARVIS to cancel their take out requests and then mixes himself a drink before cracking open his own fridge. He rummages around until he finds the gouda he had imported after he (accidentally) ate Lewis’ leftover gourmet mac and cheese made with the stuff, some heirloom tomatoes, vegetables, and butter. From cabinets he finds spices, broth, and bread Pepper has delivered from a little bakery down the street.
Omelets prepared while dying aside, Tony isn’t a terrible cook. He doesn’t do it often and it’s nothing fancy, but even billionaire superheroes get tired of restaurant foods and smoothies (Just don’t tell Darcy. Or Bruce. Or anyone who isn’t Pepper.). He slices the vegetables, then sautés’ them before adding broth. As the pot beings to boil, he adds tomatoes and lets it simmer. While that cooks he warms a skillet, adds the bread, and layers the cheese on top. He flips the sandwiches carefully, letting them brown and the cheese melt. After half a dozen sandwiches, he turns back to the stock pot and blends the concoction together until the tomato soup is thick.
He has JARVIS hassle Steve and Clint until they make their way upstairs. By the time the elevator reaches the penthouse, Tony has bowls filled with soup and plates piled with grilled cheese sitting out at the breakfast bar. He motions them to sit as he cracks open beers. The two hesitate a moment before growling stomachs win out. Tony fills them in on team SuperScience’s latest breakthrough while Steve and Clint absolutely do not talk about the horrible weather in Brazil where their mission absolutely did not happen. And when Steve tries to thank Tony for the meal, he laughs it off. Because Tony Stark worries about no one.
Steve has always known how to cook. The nuns were determined that every child who left the orphanage knew how to fend for themselves. It was nothing fancy, but he could survive. Then came the super soldier serum and the Howling Commandos and it was cook for himself or be hungry.
His foray into modern cooking starts before Loki and formation of the Avengers. There’s only so much cultural integration a defrosted super soldier can handle before he needs something familiar. His first trip to a 24 hour supermarket leaves him overwhelmed and nostalgic for the days of a corner butcher store and open-air markets. He’s pleased to find a weekend Farmer’s Market that includes not only produce, but a butcher, multiple bakeries, and dairy products. After the team is formed and Tony cajoles, coerces, and threatens them all into living at the tower, Steve still has groceries delivered from his favorite little shops.
Most of Steve’s cooking begins at night. Sometimes it’s because he needs less sleep than the rest of the team. Other times dreams of Bucky, The Commandos, Peggy, or the Chitarui, wake him. This particular evening he dreams of falling; not only his own icy plunge, but his friends and teammates. After a few hours of attempting to distract himself; JARVIS apparently takes pity on him and informs Steve that his latest batch of groceries was delivered overnight.
A quick trek has him carrying boxes of groceries to his apartments, unpacking slabs of ribs and brisket, along with fresh produce and breads. Sleep still eluding him, he busies himself gathering herbs and heating the oven. He prefers to make his own rubs and sauces since the added salt and sugars in the prepackaged ones bother him. Steve measure and mixes the dried herbs, salt, and pepper with the precision of a master planner. The ribs get seasoned and left to marinate while he moves onto the brisket. His process is repeated with a different set of herbs.
He places both pans in the oven as JARVIS announces the call to assemble. A quick message left with Darcy and Pepper means he won’t accidentally burn the tower down if they’re not back in time. The next few hours pass in a haze of robots and sarcastic barbs traded back and forth between him, Clint, and Tony. The team returns to the tower not long after lunch and are easily enticed into the communal dining room.
Darcy, Pepper, and Jane have plated the ribs and brisket on heaping platters. Somehow within a few hours they’ve managed to supply large trays of cornbread, bowls of baked beans, and various fruit pies. Steve watches his team dig in, platters and bowls passed as they talk over each other. As voices raise in good natured teasing and ribbing, Steve thinks that maybe, tonight, he’ll sleep well.
Jane was not in a good mood. The calculations she’s spent months on hinged on her being in Puente Antiguo this exact weekend to stargaze. And it was raining. Nothing to be seen but clouds and raindrops for a second night in a row and her temper was at an all-time low. Darcy and Clint had taken refuge behind the computer terminals SHIELD and Stark Industries installed when they renovated the old car dealership. Jane chose to ignore that the two were not so subtly spiking their hot chocolate with Baileys.
A few frustrating hours later Jane lets herself be cajoled into leaving the lab for the small apartment that now resided in the back. She spreads her notes out around the table and buries herself in work. Darcy gives up on trying to get her to sleep, but threatens bodily intervention if she finds the petit scientist asleep at the table in the morning. Clint drops a small brown bag next to Jane before following her former intern towards the bedroom.
She tries, but equations can’t hold her focus. Full of nervous energy, and caffeine, Jane paces around the small kitchen. She catches sight of the small bag Clint left next to her and opens it. It’s full of chocolate covered something. A deep sniff has her wrinkling her nose. She likes her coffee in liquid form, but the beans give her an idea.
Jane can take or leave cooking. There’s usually science to be done and between Darcy, JARVIS, and takeout, she eats at least one real meal a day. But baking she adores. There’s something about the complex simplicity of it all that lets her brain stay focused, yet wander.
A quick search of the small yet well-stocked kitchen turns up all the ingredients she needs. She allows her mind to twist and mold equations as she sifts flour and measures the precise amount of cocoa she needs. She roughly chops two different types of chocolate and the chocolate covered espresso beans as pieces of her scientific puzzle begin to fit into place.
Eggs, sugar, and vanilla get mixed together with quick, efficient movements. Jane smiles as the clouds in the window begin to break. The moon is just beginning to peek through as she mixes her dry ingredients with the wet. She has to focus when she melts the chocolates together in a double boiler and folds it into her batter. Carefully the concoction gets spooned onto a cookie sheet and set into the oven as the missing piece of the equation slides into place.
By the time Jane removes the tray of cookies from the oven; the sky is clear and stars shine. She leaves half the cookies on a plate for Darcy and Clint. The other half goes with her as she heads to the roof to admire the stars.
Natasha has learned many things over the years. She knew the easiest way to kill a person, how to stand out or become invisible, and how to remake herself to fit any situation. She’s mastered the art of ballet, seduction, and how to wield a gun. What she hadn’t been taught was how to live a semi-normal life.
No, life in the tower wasn’t average, but it was more domestic than any of her previous experiences. Her team members fall into the routine with ease. Clint lets the Lewis girl fret over him after missions while Rogers and Stark take some perverse pleasure in arguing with each other. Even Banner seems to be at ease with the group, latching onto Foster and all things science related.
They slowly start pulling her into the off-beat family they’re forming, no matter how much she resists. Lewis discovers her fondness for strawberries and keeps a stash hidden from Stark and Pepper demands shopping trips. Rogers spars with her when Clint’s on a mission and Banner offers to treat injuries if she doesn’t want to go to SHIELD after an assignment.
Each day is a new experience to be filed away and examined later in the safety of her apartment. Which is where she is after a particularly frustrating mission. She has opened the door exactly twice. Once to let Bruce in and stitch her left bicep and once to retrieve the bags of groceries and strong Italian roast Clint had left for her. The coffee gets consumed and the groceries put away with a smattering of Russian curses. At the bottom of the second bag is a book on Italian cuisine.
Now, Natasha knows she’s well trained in many things. Cooking is not one of them. It goes hand in hand with the normal life she’s never experienced. The others may have picked up on it and no one’s commented yet, but Clint has to go and poke at raw wounds. She goes to throw the book away, but thinks twice.
Clint; so good with intentions, so bad with delivery; has actually picked a decent cookbook for someone of her non-existent cooking level. It reminds her of the time they spent undercover in a port town at the tip of Italy for three months. Natasha contemplates the book a bit, before a first, disastrous attempt.
The next few days have her alternating between cursing Clint with inventive, often painful, deaths and stubbornly refusing to give up. By the time she finally emerges, Natasha is confident she could make a passable Italian dish and realizes that Clint has managed to channel her anger into something productive. Maybe she doesn’t need to kill him quite yet.
A few weeks pass and Natasha continues to cook in her apartment. She still joins the team for meals, but doesn’t offer to cook. Then one late fall afternoon she walks into the common living area and almost gets smacked in the head with a pillow. Darcy goes red and stammers something about Stark and science interruptions. Pepper tries to smother her laugher and explains that Darcy had threatened bodily harm on Tony if he interrupted her finals studying again. Natasha stifles a smile and retreats to her small, private kitchen.
She sautés shallots and garlic before adding a healthy dose of vodka to the pan. A quick cook reduces the alcohol and she adds tomatoes and broth, letting the mixture simmer. Natasha tenderizes chicken breasts until they’re thin and carefully pan fries them with garlic and butter until they crisp. She puts them aside to cool as she stirs cream and shredded basil into her sauce. A salted pot of water begins to boil and she adds homemade noodles to cook.
The noodles, sauce, and chicken are divided into three dishes and carried out to the common room, along with a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Natasha stares down both women until they stop working and begin to eat. The three gossip until plates and glasses are empty. As Darcy returns to studying and Pepper returns earnings reports, she pulls out one of Steve’s dog eared novels and curls up in chair. No, she may not have been taught how to have a normal life, but she was learning.
Thor’s first impression of New Mexico was colored by anger, resentment, and pettiness. His second impression was one of excitement and happiness. Jane, Eric, and Tony worked tirelessly for months to re-open the Bifrost after the attack on New York. He arrives not as a stranger, but as a long absent friend. Instead of a taser blast and car bumper, his Jane and Darcy meet him with open arms, grins, and even a few tears.
His transition to life in the tower is relatively easy. Darcy and Jane ease his way into modern culture while Clint and Steve fill him in on military strategy and strengths. He adjusts to Jane’s erratic science schedule and cautiously agrees to work with SHIELD on a consulting basis. The schedule affords him a lot of free time however and he’s often drawn to the kitchen since the group congregates there.
He’s fascinated with his teammates and friends ability to create a variety of meals and quickly begins to learn how. It’s evident early on his original time in New Mexico has influenced the demi-god’s palette. Thor’s occasionally overly zealous with chili’s and garlic, to the point he’s made everyone’s eyes water at least once. Tony finally shoves a cookbook his way with a reminder that not everyone has an iron stomach.
Late one night when Darcy’s at class and nothing seems to drag Jane from a science stupor, Thor finds himself attempting a dish that he remembers the two women discussing. He roasts two different chilies, purees them, and then returns them to a skillet with almonds and peanuts. Thor cooks them a bit before once again putting the skillet contents in a blender. Spices, raisins, chocolate, onions and water get added as a sauce in made.
Cubes of pork get browned and the sauce is added and left to simmer. While the main dish cooks, he chops more vegetables, sautéing them lightly before adding more chilies and spices. Chicken broth and rice get mixed in and brought to a boil, then set to simmer. Their tower apartment smells like the small restaurant Jane introduced him to upon his second arrival.
Thor dishes up the pork and rice in re-sealable containers and treks down to the labs, food in tow. Jane doesn’t acknowledge his arrival at first, still caught up in her science. He unpacks the dishes at her desk and the smell slowly starts to rouse his distracted scientist. She focuses on him, a happy smile breaking across her face. He lets her ramble on about her physics while she eats, knowing that after the meal, he’ll finally be able to distract her enough to get her to return to their apartment.
For a long time, no one is really sure Clint knows how to cook. Most of the time, he just shows up with impeccable timing and a carafe of coffee that compliments the meal. No one knows how he does it, chalk it up to a quirk of their teammate, and move on.
A long, cold winter causes cabin fever to set in among the tower’s residents. The occasional side mission or science field trip was a nice distraction, but the distinct lack of action was causing even the calmest members of the team to become irritable. As spring rolls around, tempers are at an all-time high.
Clint returns from a week long mission to find team SuperScience trading barbs in the common room, Steve hiding in the gym, and Natasha nowhere to be found. It’s a testament to how close they’ve gotten when walks up to Tony, declares he needs a charcoal grill, and not a single person questions why.
Twenty minutes later the entire team has been herded up into Tony’s penthouse where he just happens to have said grill sitting on his balcony. Sweatshirts, hoodies, and sweaters are handed out as armor against the still-cool temperatures. Clint shows up with platters of hamburger patties. They’re slightly misshaped and clearly made by hand. He, Thor, Tony, and Steve trade sarcastic comments and war stories back and forth as they light the grill. Once again no one questions when Darcy disappears and comes back with two different types of coleslaw and Natasha appears with a tomato, basil, and feta salad. Clint refuses to let anyone else touch the grill as he begins cooking.
Bruce rummages around Tony’s ridiculous fridge and starts chopping vegetables and sautéing onions. Pepper drags out a small fryer and she and Jane take it upon themselves to start cooking heaps of fries. The others flit back and forth between the balcony and penthouse gathering plates and utensils. The food is piled onto a table outside. By unspoken agreement they all sit around Tony’s outdoor fire pit with plates and beers balanced on laps and chair arms. Earlier frustrations are nowhere to be found as they dine on slightly over seasoned and occasionally singed burgers.
For the first time in weeks, they sit around and enjoy each other’s company long after the food is gone. Beers are consumed as the conversation drifts between science, reminiscing on past missions, and humorous moments from board meetings and college classes. As the sun sets, Clint pulls out his second culinary treat; bags of marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate. They teach Steve, Thor, and secretly Tony, the joys of making s’mores. The group relaxes together long after the sun goes down, irritation and cabin fever finally chased away. Eventually the bite of the wind can’t be chased away by heavy clothes and a warm fire and they separate alone and in pairs, finally able to enjoy themselves.
No one was supposed to know Coulson was alive. There was a very well thought out, detailed plan outlining how and when the team would find out about his continued existence. Of course this all gets thrown off thanks to Tony Stark’s big mouth and a rash of robot zombies. Coulson was sent out with a secondary team, away from where the team was supposed to be. The fly-over was unplanned, but given the way Tony’s armor stutters in the air, Coulson’s pretty confident he’s been spotted.
He manages to vacate the area but a text from Hill confirms that Barton, Romanoff, and Stark all arrived on scene mere minutes after he leaves. Knowing Tony he only has hours before they descend on the roomy two story apartment he’s rented on the outskirts of the city. His estimate is a bit off and he’s barely finished showering the dirt and grime off before someone starts pounding on the door. With a barely suppressed sigh he opens and finds six very upset, dirty, and banged up superheroes outside.
Coulson ushers them in and cuts off the beginning of Stark’s rampage. He settles them around the island and before answering questions, begins pulling out cutting boards and knives, and passing them around. Chicken, beef, and vegetables appear from his fridge and passed out with directions. Anger and confusion is very obviously taken out on the poor food as he mixes up a marinade of soy sauce, wine, garlic, and ginger for the beef then moves onto mixing stock, sherry, vinegar, and herbs for the chicken.
He tasks them with gathering plates and silverware as he finishes the cooking. Tony’s wandering around the apartment muttering to himself about security measures and upgrades and Banner’s dug up a medical kit from somewhere and is tending to a gash on Natasha’s face.
He heats the wok and adds tomatoes and oil. As they cook down he adds the beef, marinade, and sugar until the beef is caramelized and soft. A quick wash of the pan and Coulson’s heating oil and frying the pieces of chicken Thor cut up. After a fry he removes them and repeats the process with chantrelle mushrooms. Once they’re done, he quickly stir fries scallions, chilies, garlic and ginger, adding the sauce, chicken, and mushrooms.
The dishes are carried to the table where a slightly calmer group of superheroes waits for him. He sets them to passing dishes around. Once plates are heaped full of stir fry, sticky rice, and fried noodles, he begins his tale. How he did die, multiple times on the table that day. About his slim chances of survival and the new initiative he’s been tasked with.
It’s much later in the evening when the six member team leaves his house. Coulson’s sure he’ll need to scan for bugs Stark may have left and he knows either Natasha or Clint will be watching his apartment for a while, but it’s good to know he was missed and still needed.
The first time Bruce announces he’s cooking dinner, everyone expects foreign spices and dishes with names no one can pronounce. He hustles them all out of the kitchen, claiming cooking is a science and he needs space. Tony can't help but joke that he'll have them eating curried tofu and beans that night. Steve rolls his eyes, but secretly wonders the same thing.
They all scatter to different parts of the tower, Bruce and the kitchen forgotten about. Team Science and Friends head for the labs while Steve, Natasha, and Clint make use of the gym and range. Eventually JARVIS announces dinner and the team emerges from their various corners to descend upon the dining room. Eyebrows raise as they seat themselves along the table.
Instead of the Thai or Indian food they all expect, the table is laden with platters of home-style cooking. Whole roast chickens sit next to bowls of glazed vegetables and baked macaroni and cheese. Fried white fish balances on a plate next to a basket brimming with cornbread and rolls. Pans of meatloaf are flanked by mashed potatoes, country gravy, and ears of sweet corn.
Plates are handed out as bowls and platters pass from person to person until everyone's plate brims. Darcy playfully slaps at Clint's over-eager hands while Jane works to convince Thor that an entire chicken isn't meant for him. The boisterous beginning gives way to quiet conversations as everyone eats their fill. Tony chokes on a bite of chicken when Bruce deadpans that the Hulk enjoys smashing potatoes.
The food makes its way around the table a second and third time. Eventually though, stomachs are full and plates are empty. Bruce watches as his teammates begin clearing the table, the leftover food finding its way into the communal fridge for late night meals. As people drift in and out of the room, Bruce can't help but smile contentedly. He is home.