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“That’s enough,” Ryousuke said sharply, looking at Kuramochi with fury. “If you are so headstrong about it, fine by me, but don’t expect me to just sit still with my mouth shut.”
Kuramochi clenched his hands, trying to control his anger, but to no avail.
“It’s not my fault that we barely see each other these days. I also have work you know,” he retorted. He could feel the heat rising to his head, which made things even worse.
Ryou glanced at him and huffed.
“Yeah, because nothing really matters beside your work,” Ryou said bitterly, looking hurt. “Fine then,” he added after a moment, frantically running fingers through his hair.
“What-”
“If you don’t plan on having a life then I believe there is no reason for me to stay,” he finished before Kuramochi could say another word. Ryousuke turned around and grabbed a helmet on his way to the bike. Not even once did he look back at Kuramochi when he was leaving the workshop. The noise of an engine roaring, sounded almost like an explosion in a quiet space.
Kuramochi was standing in the same spot, trying to process the whole situation, too shocked to move an inch. He was still angry and irritated, but the fact that Ryou-san has left was slowly downing on him, and he just couldn’t believe what has just happened.
When he recovered from the initial shock, he took a look outside to make sure he wasn’t mistaken, but just as he thought, Ryou was nowhere to be found.
Mochi closed the door and put a ‘Close’ sign out before going back inside. He collapsed on a chair near his car and took a shaky breath, restlessly combing fingers through his hair. He was confused and lost, and he felt overwhelmed with feelings, which were slowly making him numb.
It was their first serious fight. Kuramochi didn’t really remember how it’s started. There was something about house, working after hours, and not seeing each other enough. It was true that Mochi probably took too much work on his shoulders, but he wanted to be the man Ryou could rely on. Ryou had a busy schedule at work as well, and they started missing each other and growing apart bit by bit.
It was scary, and he was frightened of losing Ryousuke, probably that’s why when they mentioned the topic all the feelings he bottled up inside just burst out. Before he even realised it they had an open brawl and it seemed as if they couldn’t stop.
He jerked up and took a look around the place. It looked strange, almost alien to him now without Ryou’s presence.
Kuramochi took the screwdriver from the nearest table and went to the car, which he was currently repairing. The silence was painfully loud in his ears, it was almost deafening. After a few minutes he gave up and abandoned his work because he couldn’t concentrate. He restlessly walked around his workshop, trying to take up several things but losing interest pretty quickly. The longer he stayed alone the more he got worried. Ryousuke was really pissed, what if he never comes back?
The cold shiver run down his spine. He didn’t remember what life without Ryou-san looked like, he only had a hazy memory that, although he was generally quite satisfied with his life, he always felt as if he lacked something important.
And what if Ryou was in an accident?
Kuramochi jumped to his feet and started walking around in circles picturing all the bad scenarios in his head.
Really, it was such a stupid argument, they should have just sat and talked it through instead of rising their voices.
With each passing hour he became more and more worried. He considered going after Ryou, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to find him even if he wanted to. Waiting seemed like the best option, besides, he wouldn’t forgive himself if Ryou came back just to see an empty house.
Kuramochi sat under the wall, too anxious to go back to their flat upstairs, which would remind him that Ryousuke has left. He wanted Ryou to be back by his side, he wanted to apologize and just hold him close. People always tell you that you appreciate things more after you lose them, and Mochi started slowly realising how painfully true it was.
He was sitting there in silence, listening to his own heartbeat, and clenching his fingers on the hem of his shirt until he calmed down. While waiting he thought about the things he would say to Ryouske, his apology, the things they can change, and their future. He had so many things he wanted to tell Ryou, and he hoped that Ryou will be willing to listen to him… If he ever comes back.
It wasn’t until the late evening when he heard a rumbling of an engine outside. He stood up, looking hopefully at the door, which opened after a moment.
When Ryou entered, Kuramochi suddenly felt all his tension disappearing and his heart swelled with affection.
“Ryou,” he said quietly.
Ryousuke stopped in his tracks looking a bit surprised seeing Kuramochi here.
“Don’t tell me you were sitting here all day,” Ryou asked, disbelief in his voice. He furrowed his brows to which Kuramochi lowered his head sheepishly.
He wanted to say so many things but right now he was so overwhelmed, he didn’t know where to begin. He scratched his neck trying to quiet down the surge of emotions in his heart.
“I was worried that something might have happened to you,” Kuramochi replied, looking Ryou up and down to check, whether everything was alright with him. “And afraid that you will never come back…” he added, almost in a whisper.
Ryou’s expression turned softer at that. He sighed before coming closer to Mochi.
“I had to clear my head before coming back,” Ryousuke said, looking Kuramochi in the eyes. “Sorry for worrying you.”
Mochi shook his head.
“You don’t have to,” Kuramochi started. “We both said stupid things.”
“Yeah, we did,” Ryousuke agreed, reaching out for Kuramochi’s hand and squeezing at it lightly.
He tightened the grip on Ryou’s hand, not wanting to let go.
“Listen, Ryou, I am sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he said sincerely.
“I was wrong too, sorry.”
Ryousuke got a bit closer to Kuramochi and hugged him. Mochi’s hands naturally winded around Ryou and drew him closer. He could feel the warmth radiating from Ryou, and right now it was everything he needed.
“We should talk about everything,” he finally said, after a long moment.
Ryou loosened his grip a bit and looked up at Mochi.
“Yeah…” Ryousuke stroked Mochi’s cheek. “This time properly.”
He nodded and smiled a bit.
“I missed you,” Ryou added after a moment, and then he stood on his tiptoes and tenderly kissed Kuramochi.
After that they went upstairs and talked about all the things that bothered them. It turned out they both were silent about some things, and when they finally let them out, the atmosphere cleared. As it turned out being honest with themselves proved to be the best way to solve the conflict.
For the rest of the evening their hands seemed to constantly find each other – a brush here, a gentle squeeze there – as if it was an unwritten apology they exchanged, upon which they wanted to rebuild their trust and closeness.
When they went to bed they intertwined their fingers and Kuramochi cuddled to Ryou’s side, whispering with him about trivial things till he finally was too tired and sleepy to even do that much. He just listened to Ryou’s steady breathing, feeling relieved that everything turned out to be ok. For now he felt safe and loved in Ryou’s arms and that was everything that mattered to him right now.