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He looked outside the window, his heart clenching in a ball of nerves, his eyes twitching, daring to wet with tears. No, he had to hold on, not to show feelings right where everyone could see him. The man lowered the hat on his face, sunglasses protecting him from other people’s gazes, still staring outside.
Danny was smiling, his blonde hair ruffled in rebel locks, his smile so bright and happy, laughing cheerfully. He looked so angelic, so handsome, beautiful, perfect, hazel irises shining from being amused, lips curled up. He was everything a person could ask for, with arms strong as steel and a heart soft like clouds, his voice so amazing that he could have made every person cry as soon as he started singing. Even now that he was laughing he sounded too much like an angel, the most wonderful thing God ever created on this Earth.
And it hurt so much that the person making Danny laugh wasn’t him.
Jorel was making some jokes and the blonde man couldn’t help but snicker and chuckle, elbowing him in the ribs every time that the rapper kept making funny remarks about something both of them knew.
They looked so good together, like twin souls. The way Danny kept staring at Jay was unique, so full of desire, love, devotion, passion, his smile expressing all those secret feelings.
It was heartbreaking, it was like a knife right in the chest, a crack in his soul that was tearing him apart. He shifted on his seat, still watching outside, his gaze fixed on the two men.
Now they were pushing each other, playing like teenagers and stumbling around. They seemed so joyful together, Jorel bursting out laughing every time that Danny pulled and pushed him, nearly falling on the ground. At the end, however, they eventually lost balance and fell down, still smiling like idiots and rolling on the concrete.
He could see the sky above them, blue, clear, the sun shining and illuminating everything with its hot rays, one of the most beautiful days California had ever seen. He bet that Danny was having the best time of his life, too, hugged by Jay as they stood motionless on the ground, right next to the bus.
The man didn’t look away, his eyes staring at the couple as they started slowly kissing, Danny’s hair looking white in the sun of the day, locks falling on both of their faces.
He saw Jay pulling Danny closer, their lips crashing, their nose brushing, hands intertwined as they kept making out, careless about the rest, lost in each other.
He wanted to cry, he wanted to fucking cry and scream, let it out. It was the worst torture, seeing them love each other so much when the object of all his breaths, his heartbeats and thoughts, belonged to someone else.
It was too much, too many moments that happened only in his head: kissing Danny, holding Danny, loving him and making him happy. Talking to him wasn’t enough, not even touching him for a second was something that could relieve his need and pain.
He was ready to explode, to burst out, his heart clenching so much that he thought for a second that he was going to die due to a heart attack. And still there they were, Danny over Jay as they kept kissing, smiling together and laughing, ignoring his pain and his heartbreaking love.
This pain…nobody should ever feel a pain like this one. It was like poison, corrupting his body in each part, slowly arriving to the heart, torturing him in spasms and jolts of sorrow.
The man looked away, unable to stare anymore, tears rushing down his cheeks. He felt like a pussy for crying so easily, but he couldn’t help it: he needed to let it go. He made sure that nobody was caring about what he was doing and then he started sobbing like a kid, still hearing Danny’s laugh echo in his ears.
He couldn’t let a single sound leave his mouth, people would have noticed, but his throat was growing more and more sore as he kept crying, hands on his face and over his mouth to shut himself up.
He wanted to end it, he couldn’t bear this anymore. He wanted Danny, but the singer kept seeing him only as a friend, a good one and nothing more.
Images of him being there instead of Jay cracked his heart in two, a soft whimper leaving his lips, stifled by his hands.
If he could have strangled himself everything would have ended good: the pain would have gone, the suffering, the sorrow, this endless torture.
Everything; over.
“Johnny, are you ready to go?”
The man nodded slowly, trying not let Charlie see his face. The rapper looked at him one second, slightly puzzled, but then left, letting the friend be alone for some time.
But all that Johnny wanted, right there…was to disappear.
To end this heart illness suffocating him.
But he couldn’t.