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Tony exited with a yawn once the elevator doors opened to the penthouse. He tossed his suit jacket onto the couch knowing that the good captain would complain about it in the morning. All he wanted to do was to climb into bed and make love to Steve, if the man returned from SHIELD. If not, then Tony will climb into bed and sleep for a week. It’s a win-win situation, especially the hellish week he went through.
It was supposed to be a normal business trip to California but sadly it almost became a disaster. The R&D department failed to have the newest Starkpad programming ready for inspection which Tony had to save. Four charities found out that he was in the state and invited him to their galas and he couldn’t refuse because they were important to the Maria Stark Foundation. And finally the lawyers approached him with mounds of paperwork and telling him that HammerTech violated several patent laws.
While dealing with that drama, he received a photo of a super soldier and a ninety-nine percent clone of himself wearing ball caps because the Dodgers were in town. Graham was giving a big toothy grin wearing a Los Angeles ball cap while Steve had a smug smirk with his vintage Brooklyn cap. It was salt in an open wound, as Tony wanted to be there with them even though he hated baseball. He wanted to snuggle up to Steve while watching Graham cheer with glee. Never in his life was he insanely jealous about something so mundane.
His fingers went to the tie and was about to ask JARVIS if Steve was home when the AI cut him off.
Sir, I would suggest you should look into young Sir’s room.
Tony paused, his hand stilled on the blue paisley silk. “Why are you whispering, JARVIS?”
It’s more of a show than a tell, Sir. And before you ask, a photo was already taken and should be available on your phone and a framed print has already been ordered.
Interest piqued, Tony slinked down the hall to Graham’s room. A sliver of light peeked through the open door and Tony poked his head in expecting to see some wonderful creation his eleven-year-old son invented. Instead what he found made him smile fondly. “You’re a good man, JARVIS.”
I aim to please.
Huddled in the tiny bed was Graham and Steve, correction Captain America without the cowl, sleeping. Graham was curled up against Steve’s side; his face was calm and relaxed while a small hand rested gently on the large white star. Steve was leaning against the headboard, eyes closed with his arm wrapped around Graham’s shoulder while the other was holding a book. It was utterly domestic, practically a Norman Rockwell painting, and Tony was very glad that this was part of his life now.
He silently walked to the bed and gently placed a kiss on the super soldier’s forehead. He could smell and taste the sweat, grim, and smoke on his skin. Steve stirred a little and slowly opened his eyes. Tony sucked in his breath as he watched those beautiful baby blues blink before focusing on him.
A crooked smile appeared. “Hey,” Steve yawned.
Tony returned the smile. “Hey yourself.” He motioned to the sleeping child. “Nightmare?” A year has pass since finding Graham and discovering AIM’s plan to replace Tony with a clone, and the child still has the horrible night terrors about being in the tube and hearing the screams of the other clones dying.
Steve slowly and carefully shifted himself off the bed without disturbing Graham. “No,” he answered softly as he tucked the boy in. He turned his head and Tony was shock to see how dark and serious his eyes were. “I’ll explain in a few minutes.” Then he took his hand.
Tony had no choice but followed Steve out of the bedroom and back to the living room. JARVIS automatically lit up the room to a soft glow as Tony tried to figure out what has happened to have the super soldier so upset.
The question was on the tip of his tongue when Steve stopped walking, gathered him in his arms, and kissed him. It wasn’t his tender kisses that always made Tony breathless or the filthy kisses that always cleared Tony’s mind except for want, need, and now. This kiss was desperate and rough as it was all teeth and no tongue. He couldn’t help but grab Steve’s biceps, debating if he should pull away, while easing the kiss into something gentler. It felt like Steve was trying to confirm that he was here and alive.
Oh.
Tony slid his hands down and placed them on Steve’s hips. With a slight tug the super soldier was pulled into his space, hips pressing against hips. His hands quickly moved away and snaked their way up the back to pull Steve even closer. He responded with a soft hum and buried his face into Tony’s neck.
“Close call?” Tony asked as he kneaded the tense muscles under the shoulders. He ignored the hard press of fingers into his back.
Steve managed to shake his head in the negative.
“Casualties?
Another shake but this time Steve raised his head and stared at Tony. “There was a hostage situation,” he answered.
Oh.
Damn.
“The hostage had dark hair and eyes and he reminded me of Graham. Just a couple of years older, I think.” He took a shuddering breath. “Then, I started to think about last year, how we almost lost him. I needed to see him. I needed to know that he was alright. I told Natasha to handle the debrief and I raced back to the Tower.” A dry chuckle escaped from his lips. “I didn’t bother changing. I needed to hold him.”
Tony felt Steve’s knees giving out and he followed him, hoping to break the fall. The hostage situation must’ve been serious if Steve broke down like that. Very rarely did something break the man. He continued to hold Steve while the man kept talking, hoping that the comfort that he was giving was good enough.
“And then I began to think about you,” Steve whispered. “How I didn’t save you in Afghanistan. Or how I wasn’t around when you were a child.” He pulled away and cupped Tony’s face. “How do you do this? How can you be so calm when there’s a good chance that Graham could be taken away from you? How do you breathe?”
Tony instantly looked down. Steve didn’t know about the constant fears and self-doubt. He didn’t know about the overwhelming panic when the boy requested to go to a boarding school in Canada or the constant need to see him when a mission goes horribly wrong. To tell himself that even though Nature has its faults, it will be Nurture that will define the boy.
Steve truly didn’t know.
“I don’t,” Tony answered truthfully, his hands covering Steve’s. “I freak out over every little detail. Every day I tell myself that he’s not me, well he is, but he isn’t because I’m not Howard.” He sighed. “And I’m not my mother.” He wrinkled his nose. “Well serum yes, crazy no.”
Steve rested his forehead against Tony’s. “And I’m not Peggy.”
Tony found himself looking away. Those audio tapes were still too fresh in his mind. “I’m scared. I question everything but I need to trust myself. I know what I do is right and Graham knows too. And the days that are really bad?” He focused his attention back to Steve. “I do what you do, I hold him and never let go.
“Please don’t think about my past or the what-ifs. If you saved me in Afghanistan, then I’ll never become Iron Man. If you never went down with that plane, then we wouldn’t have this. As fucked up everything is, I’m so happy that it happened.”
Steve made a sound that was a mixture of a sob and a laugh. “Thank you.”
Tony smiled. “Let’s go to bed. You’re emotionally exhausted and I’m mentally exhausted. I think tomorrow will be a mental health day for both of us.”
Steve shook his head in amusement. “Agreed but I need to take a shower.”
“Excellent idea!” Tony exclaimed as he rose to his feet. “That’s why you’re the man with the plan. Let’s get all sudsy, then all dirty, and then all sudsy again!” He waggled his eyebrows for a dramatic effect.
He was deflecting and he knew that Steve knew but the super soldier rolled his eyes as he went to his feet. He walked past Tony, letting his fingers brush over the callused ones before moving to the couch. There was an amused snort when he picked up the suit jacket and rested it over his arm. Tony waited for the usual complaint about wrinkled garments.
“You’re an excellent father Tony,” Steve said instead with a smile on his face and pride in his voice. “There’s nothing you should be worried about.”
Tony returned the smiled. “So are you.” His phone beeped from his jacket and he couldn’t stop the eye roll. “I have to get that. Hopefully R&D set themselves on fire. I’ll see you in ten minutes?”
“Five,” Steve replied as he handed the jacket back to Tony. “I’m giving you five minutes because your mental health day starts now.”
He watched Steve leave the living room before digging into his jacket for his cursed phone. Actually praying that his company did go down in flames, he swipes his thumb across the screen and gasped at the image that appeared. It was the photo of Steve and Graham that JARVIS took and it was a beautiful.
“Never let go,” Tony repeated as he quickly made a few taps on his phone. He couldn’t help the smile forming when the image became his wallpaper. “I’ll hold you both and never let go.”