Chapter Text
It starts, like all the big shifts in Teru’s life seem to do, with a text message. An innocent happy chime, oblivious to the tidal wave it brings. But where last time the change was destructive and sudden and disorienting, this time it creeps up on him, slow and sticky like honey or quicksand, almost suffocating him before he has a chance to react.
Shigeo ✿ [12:03]:
Sorry, I’m not free today after all. My parents are taking Ritsu and I to buy formal clothing.
Well, that certainly is a disappointment. Teru can’t say he hasn’t been looking forward to this afternoon, even if all he and Shigeo planned to do was laze around and watch a movie. Among the stress of looming entrance exams and graduation, breaks like these are far and few between. Granted, the year has barely just begun but he can’t remember when he last enjoyed some free time without the biting feeling of guilt at the back of his mind, telling him he could be doing revisions right now. Pesky thing, a conscience.
Teru supposes it can’t be helped.
Teru ☆ [12:04]:
Formal stuff, huh? That’s alright! You did grow a lot, I’m surprised anything still fit you at all haha
Text me when you get home? We have to make up for it some other time then
Oh and I want photos!! I haven’t been shopping in ages :((
If Shigeo were with him, he would reply to each of those separately, carefully considering each question and taking his time in elaborating on what he thought Teru would find interesting. As it is, all he writes back is “Okay.”, before the little dot next to his name tells Teru his friend has put away his phone.
(Shigeo himself picked the cute flower emoji. Teru will cherish it forever.)
Great, he thinks and leans back against the couch with a huff. What do I do now?
There is that little voice again, reminding him of the biology test next week. It wouldn’t be hard to go back to studying, he knows the material pretty well already. Though on the other hand, he knows the material pretty well already.
Today has been reserved for free time, another voice tells him, one that’s becoming louder and louder as he scrolls through his and Shigeo’s past conversations lazily. It wouldn’t be fair if he suddenly changed his mind on that, it argues. And anyway, there are still a few days left to worry about the test. He can easily start tomorrow.
In the end, It takes Teru much longer than he’d have liked to push himself up in search of his laptop, and even longer until he gets up again after that. It’s seven when he gets another message, but not from Shigeo. A classmate he’s barely talked to, asking to copy his homework. Teru scowls and turns off his phone.
-
High school, as it turns out, isn’t too different from middle school. He’s always had a certain skill at reading people, picking apart what makes them tick, what motivates them beneath the façade they put up in front of others, and what he needs to do to make it work in his favour.
He’s… not too proud of that last one, at least not anymore. How odd, to look back a few years and compare himself with the person he used to be back then. Like a warped mirror, all it does is highlight the most unsavoury qualities, doing nothing to complement the conscious attempts at change.
Now, he is self-aware enough not to cut it out entirely. After all, the past comes to haunt everyone, and so Teru is in his last year at Black Vinegar High, still surrounded by the same people he was four years ago, still looked up to like a misstep would cause him to become someone to cower before, and still inexplicably adored by his teachers for feats he can barely take credit for. Never mind that he hasn’t used his psychic powers to cheat or intimidate someone in years, it seems once people build themselves an image of you it sticks, no matter how you struggle against it.
The biology test ended up easier than he thought, granting Teru an A he didn’t think was fair, considering that the only studying he did was between classes on the day of the test. Etsuko, sitting behind him in lessons and usually one of the top students in their year, had narrowly managed to avoid failing, but Teru knew it was because her cat had died the night before. Both of their grades would stick, and where is the equality in that?
A week later, at lunch, Gensai seems quieter than usual, shoulders hunched and tense, his bento untouched. How none of the others have noticed escapes Teru. Swallowing a sigh, he taps the table in front of him. “Hey. What’s up?”
Gensai takes a moment to react and hums tiredly. That does get the others’ attention, and Teru is content to lean back a little. He might be their friend in theory, but they haven’t shared too many interests in, what, years? He’s done his part.
You’re doing it again. Some part of him says. You think because you were the first one to show interest they won’t think you don’t care at all, even though you’re doing nothing more to help.
He ignores it.
Someone has already managed to drag the story out of Gensai by the time Teru tunes back in, and he catches the tail end of it. Plans for the future. University. Parental pressure. Ah. Lovely.
“I just don’t know if that’s what I want to do for the rest of my life?” He’s saying, two others nodding along.
“At least you know what you’ll be doing.” Ijiri waves her hand where it’s propped up on the table and everyone’s attention shifts to her. “I mean come on, at least a job like that’s gonna earn you money if you don’t fuck up too much. Though that might be hard considering it’s you.” Teru bites his tongue to not start snickering like a few others.
Gensai frowns and sits up a little straighter. “Oh yeah? Go on then, tell us what you have planned. Aren’t you always going around telling everyone how great it is that your parents aren’t pushing you to study something they want? What do you do with all your freedom, huh?”
Teru blinks and looks down at his nails. The paint is chipping, he notes with irritation. It’s not like this conversation hasn’t come up before, and he knows that it sure as hell won’t be the last time. Aren’t there other things they can talk about? Literally anything would be better than listening to the continued bickering of two people he can’t wait to ignore the second the school year ends.
You could easily leave. You’re just too vain and cowardly to try and make other friends at school.
Gripping his bottle of water a little tighter, he supposes that it’s nice to know that even the popular students have trouble considering their futures. He might tell Shigeo about that, Teru knows how his friend worries about other people having their life in order more than he does.
Hypocrite.
“Teru?”
He starts and looks up, expectant faces regarding him with interest. The one time he doesn’t pay attention, th--
“Teru, did you hear?”
Teruki, he thinks. How many times--
“Sorry, no.” He says out loud, plastering an apologetic smile over his bad mood. “I zoned out for a second.”
The boy next to him (Teru can’t for the life of him remember what his name is. Something with K? He’s definitely new this year.) bumps his shoulder and laughs. Teru cracks a grin back to avoid flinching. Don’t touch me.
“She asked if you know what you’ll do after school!”
Oh great. He hums and taps a rhythm on the table. “Mmmh… can’t say I do. I’m sure I’ll figure it out in time.” A sly grin to end the conversation. He really can’t doesn’t want to think about that right now.
The laughter he gets in response comes with another few pats on the back that he wants to shrink away from, shed his skin like the contact is acid. It’s much too loud suddenly, noise grating on his ears like shredded metal. It shouldn’t be this hard to swallow. There’s nothing wrong.
He laughs along.
-
I’m sure I’ll figure it out in time.
His own words echo for days after that, not for lack of trying to ignore them. If anyone were to ask Teru, he’d say that he has everything planned out perfectly, that his unwavering relaxed attitude was simply a side effect of careful consideration, anyone could do it.
Anyone could, he supposes, if they were to take the time for it. Unfortunately, his busy schedule simply won’t allow it. It seems like every time he plans to properly sit down and think about his future, Teru remembers that of course, wasn’t he supposed to do that one other thing? Just yesterday he nearly forgot to pick up his mail from the post office and after that he was simply too tired to think about this properly.
He needs to be in the right mood for this, he knows. Preferably one that doesn’t make him break out in a cold sweat and gives him clammy hands, shaking too hard to hold a pen right. Obviously, he has to wait for the right moment.
Well, he did always have a flair for the dramatic.
All you’re doing is procrastinating the inevitable, idiot. Like anyone’s going to fall for that.
Teru turns up the music on his phone as he makes his way to the Awakening Lab, still active after all these years. Surprisingly, they’d found another two kids just last year, a lot younger than any of the others. Both girls had the ability to teleport freely within a certain radius, and Teru had been practicing his own version of the technique over the last eleven months. How embarrassing would it be if he couldn’t teach them anything?
As soon as he steps into the deceptive apartment building, Teru feels the weight on his shoulders lessen. Try as he might, he hasn’t quite found anything that relaxes him more than using his powers for something you might call good. It has a way of taking away some of the guilt that comes from the satisfaction of being good at it, and if he is being honest, the other espers’ progress excites him more than he lets on. Maybe this isn’t a waste of time, maybe he really is being productive here, and maybe he isn’t completely useless beyond shallow and fragile concepts like subjective popularity.
You could be studying right now.
“Hanazawa!” Hoshino greets him from across the room with a wave, and Teru returns the gesture in kind. He meets him by the couch facing the television that the other psychic is sitting on and drops his bag on the ground. “You look tired.” Hoshino stands and eyes him with concern.
“It’s fine, just that. Tired.” Teru smiles. He’s fine.
Hoshino grimaces. “Must be exams and stuff, huh? I can’t wait to get into that next year, my big sis told me horror stories.”
It’s a joke, clearly, but Teru doesn’t think it’s very funny. “Sure.” He says instead, then looks around. “Where is everyone else?” He’s definitely not early.
As if on cue, the elevator dings and the Shiratori brothers exit, one of the new girls, Kikui Miu, walking right behind them. When she spots him, the ten-year-old gasps excitedly and before Teru knows it she teleported right in front of him.
“Teru! Teru, Teru, Teru!!” She grabs him by the hands and hops around. The R in his name rolls funnily, and he remembers her telling him about her family moving to Japan three years ago. “From Australia!” Miu proclaimed proudly. Apparently, that meant she has no qualms about using his first name, and to his surprise he finds that he doesn’t mind.
“Teru, look!” she exclaims again, pulling him in a circle and then letting go of his hands to carefully stand right in the middle of the big round rug in the room. “Are you looking?”
The Shiratori brothers join Hoshino and Teru by the couch, both shaking their heads in amusement. “I’m watching!” Teru calls back to her, smiling genuinely this time.
As soon as the words leave his mouth, Miu teleports – straight upwards – ending up in three meters’ height. He rushes to catch her with his own powers but to his amazement, she stays there, hovering in mid-air. No, that’s not right, he corrects himself, Miu is keeping herself in the air by – by repeatedly teleporting!
Only a few seconds later she yelps and loses hold on her powers, falling for the fraction of a moment before Teru steadies her, eyes wide. She grins as he lowers her to the ground and pumps her arms above her head, crowing her excitement. The others applaud her with enthusiasm and Teru beams. “When did you learn to do that?” He asks, a warm feeling of pride spreading in his chest, chasing away some of the icy frost.
Miu jumps at the chance to tell him all about it, evidently happy to have impressed him. By the time she finishes regaling him with the epic tale of nearly falling off the dresser and accidentally stumbling upon teleportation-supported flight, the second newcomer, Takada Rika, has joined them, and Miu wastes no time in scurrying over and telling her about this new discovery.
Teru leans against the back of the sofa with his arms crossed, watching the activity in the room start bustling. Hoshino and the Shiratori brothers have started talking amicably about something or other, and only now does Teru frown in confusion.
“Where are Kurosaki and Asahi?” He wonders out loud, reaching for his phone to check if he missed a call. He is interrupted by the elder Shiratori turning to him.
“Oh, we saw Kurosaki on our way to school today, she told us to tell you she won’t be coming today--”
“--nor the next few weeks.” The younger, Kaito, continues. “She said she’d like to focus on her studies for now, since she will be graduating this year.”
“We assume the same goes for Asahi, although we haven’t heard from him.” Daichi finishes, and they turn back when Teru gives them a slow hum of acknowledgement. The dread is back almost immediately, snaking up his spine like icy needles in a familiar, almost welcoming embrace. Nails dig into the soft flesh of his palms and he has to make an effort not to physically freeze up as well.
Kurosaki he expected, as far as Teru knows she’s quite the avid student, but Asahi…
See, even they know where their priorities lie, what are you doing?
They end that day’s training a little earlier than usual, not without minor complaints, and Teru waves them off with a forced smile, joking that he might take a note out of the missing two espers’ books.
On his way home he adds ‘Find replacement teacher’ to his list of seemingly endless tasks he doesn’t even know how to begin to tackle.
-
Teru ☆ [16:20]
R u free tonight?
Stupid day.
Gay [18:14]
shit sorry i literally just got out of class
i wanttt to but I have an exam at like, ass in the morning tmr and i havent studied lol
Teru ☆ [18:14]:
Tmr?
You have exams now?
Gay [18:20]:
looooool yeah i do
uni is fun i love it
totes totes totes
Teru ☆ [18:20]:
I can’t believe u just said that, what year is it
Friendship cancelled
I’ll go find someone who uses up to date web slang thx
Gay [18:21]:
shut up gaylord
waiitt thats my name in ur phone right??
Teru ☆ [18:21]:
Hahahahah almost!!!!
It’s just gay
;)) ;);));)))
Gay [18:23]:
omfg you loser
couldnt u have used something creative
like “tome the beautiful”
or wait no
“ethereal goddess”
MULDER
YO UCOULDve CALLED me MULDER
Teru ☆ [18:24]:
You’re just complaining cause that’s my name in ur phone too isn’t it?
Gay Mulder [18:25]:
IM CALLING MY LAWYER
Teru ☆ [18:25]:
;)
Gay Mulder [18:26]:
i hate you
wait hold on u said bad day, whatup?
Teru ☆ [18:27]:
Nah it’s fine, you’re busy
Gay Mulder [18:27]:
bs
answer me
and dont try to spare the details!!!!!
Read: [18:28]!
Gay Mulder [18:30]:
damnit teruki!!!!!!!
-
Winter rolls in and settles like a heavy blanket made of frost and decay, covering the trees and houses, sifting through fallen leaves, turning the world into an unappealing wasteland. The days become shorter and the nights longer, transforming the shadows on the ways to and from school into looming creatures of silent judgement.
At least that’s what Teru sees.
The first snow falls on a quiet November evening without warning, barely tangible flakes dancing softly through the air, no wind to guide them on their way.
He doesn’t notice at first, too busy digging through his bag for the spare pair of gloves that he got into the habit of keeping with him a few years back. It’s Shigeo’s quiet gasp of awe that gets his attention, of course it is.
The other boy is glancing at the low hanging clouds through his fringe, his eyes just a fraction wider than usual, as if the snow is the most amazing thing he’s ever seen. His lips are parted just so, in one of his rare almost smile, cheeks and nose flushed by the cold.
Teru looks away.
He’s long accepted this, had to even, because he knows himself well enough to realize his crush isn’t going away any time soon. How could it, when nearly everything he did somehow led back to trying to be someone worthy of their friendship. That, apparently, was another one of those changes in Terus life, one that crept up on him without warning. Though he much preferred the warm feelings of comfort that came with it. Really, after nearly three years Teru should think he was used to it by now, just another aspect of life he knew he couldn’t shake that easily.
And yet, he thinks as he picks at some lint on the gloves he hands to Shigeo a moment later, still it never gets old, like a sunset pushing the glaring sun away to give night a chance to soothe the burns, letting you drift to restful sleep. Not with the way his eyes crinkle ever so slightly at the simple gesture.
He should tell him, he sometimes muses, one of those days, but—
You will never catch up to him.
No.
How many times have you manipulated him into thinking you’re a good person?
That’s absurd, he’s never – has he?
Sure sounds like you’re keeping tally.
Doubt creeps up his back, hesitant and soft, feathers tickling in a place he can’t reach to scratch. He’s not, that’s ridiculous, why would he—
You haven’t changed at all.
-
Teru doesn’t see anyone, after that. He’s not sure how long it’s been since he left his apartment and he doesn’t care all the same. Time drags like molasses, every dayhourminutesecond coming together in an indiscernible swamp of haze. The sun is bright, too bright, so he draws the curtains.
Not every moment is bad, through some stretches he feels fine, tired maybe, and he scolds himself for being overly dramatic. There’s no reason for him to be like this, not really. He almost reaches for his phone then. Maybe he should charge it, see if anyone called to check on him. Then again, no one would miss him, it’s a long weekend, so no school, and Shigeo and his family had taken the chance to visit relatives three towns over.
Teru takes these times to at least pretend like he’s functioning properly, that he could easily pull himself together if he wanted. There’s no point in wallowing in his own misery like this, he just has to find the motivation to stop. It’s not like he hasn’t had slumps like these before. They just… haven’t been this bad before. Yeah.
The nagging voice is new, or maybe it’s just louder this time. He can feel it, sitting right at the base of his skull where it meets the spine. Sometimes he wonders if he could just scratch it out, be it with his nails or powers. Sometimes he wonders why he hasn’t tried it yet.
Other times it takes him hours to get out of bed, after already spending half the day in a delirious fog that could hardly be classified as sleep. Teru can tell he is awake but apparently, his body hasn’t gotten the memo. Sleep paralysis, his mind supplies helpfully. Fucking fantastic.
Food is really starting to become a problem. Has he eaten today? There are plates stacked next to the sink but there’s no way of telling how long they’ve been there. It doesn’t really matter.
Maybe he should do something about those. It’s an attempt at feigning normalcy and he knows it, but focusing on the steady stream of water and the repetitive motions do tend to help, at least a little.
The empty glass on the table. He can start there. Just…reach for it. Come on you idiot.
It’s cold to the touch, looks like it’s clean. Must’ve been water. His face is reflected, distorted in the rounded glass, and he realizes.
He is doing this for attention. Of course he is, when does Hanazawa Teruki ever do anything for another reason? His own name tastes like oil on his tongue, slick and impossible to swallow.
Flammable.
The glass slips from his hands with a crash. Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK, he is NOT doing this right now, not a chance. Teru drops to his knees and promptly winces as a shard catches his palm and cuts it open. The sight of blood makes him curse again, what kind of idiot uses his hands for something psychic powers could solve??
Sounds like something only you would say.
Another cut, this one on his cheek, as the remaining pieces start buzzing, some breaking apart further, some whirling around him erratically, the yellow light of his aura screaming at him to cut out the drama already, his own face an ugly sneer reflected in the shards, warped and wrong wrong wrong. How could he ever have thought he could become anything more than the pathetic—
A shrill ringing tears him back to reality.
That.
Again, longer this time, twice. The sound is loud enough to make him want to shrink back, as if someone were screaming right into his ears.
Doorbell.
The shards clatter to the floor, no longer suspended in mid-air, breaking into smaller pieces yet. All of a sudden the silence is back, pierced only by a fourth, significantly longer shrill ring of the bell. No aura to sense outside. Teru swallows heavily and clenches his injured hand into a loose fist, cradling it to his chest. Stupid.
He still hasn’t moved from the kitchen floor when the bell is replaced by loud knocking, accompanied by a man’s voice. “Hanazawa? You in there?”
Reigen. What’s he doing here? More importantly, how did he know where to find him?
“I heard the crash kid, come on. Open the door, will you?” He sounds on edge, maybe. Worried?
About you?
Teru wets his lips and moves to stand, slowly pulling himself upright with the hand that isn’t bloody and only groaning a little at the effort. Reigen keeps calling to him through the door, knocking a little harder each time. Teru doesn’t reply, if only to think of an excuse for the blood stains on his shirt.
Hand resting on the doorknob, he takes a steadying breath and clenches his teeth behind what he hopes looks like a smile. He’s fine.
The door swings open.
It’s dark outside, dark and cold. For once, Teru finds he doesn’t mind the bite blowing fresh air in his face, tousling his hair. Reigen stands there, hand raised to knock another time and for a second he blinks, looking Teru up and down, eyes widening slightly at what he sees. Bloody hand, that was expected.
“Master Reigen.” Teru greets pleasantly, like there isn’t an elephant in the room worth mentioning.
A sharp intake of breath. “Wow he wasn’t kidding when he said something was wrong.” Reigen lets it out through his nose, eyebrows drawn together in shock and what looks like concern.
That’s likel—
“Kid, when was the last time you slept?” Reigen doesn’t let the little voice finish, instead stepping closer to inspect Teru’s face.
The whole thing blows him so off course that Teru can’t help but answer truthfully. “Uh- I. Two hours ago,” He stammers, taking a step back to avoid the scrutiny. “Pretty long too, um. You don’t know where I live.”
It’s not phrased like a question but Reigen taps his pocket, likely where he keeps his phone. “Mob told me. You really scared him you know, dropping off the face of the earth like that.” His gaze flickers back to Teru’s hand and he hums. “Listen, are you gonna let me in or not? We should probably take care of that.”
Two mugs of tea and a quick bandaging job later Teru finds himself at the dinner table, staring at his cup, if only to avoid the eyes of the man sitting across from him. He’d offered the sofa but the heaps of food wrappers and old laundry strewn about awkwardly made him direct his guest away again. Really, it was embarrassing. Idiot.
He’s also dropped any and all attempts at convincing Reigen that he really was fine, nothing to worry about somewhere between looking for rubbing alcohol and fumbling with the kettle. Of course, he knew there was no point to begin with, one look at the sorry state of his apartment was enough. Probably his face, too. What time is it?
“So,” Reigen starts, pulling Teru from his reverie, though he keeps his eyes glued to the tea in his hands. “Is there anything you want to talk about?” It’s weak, at best, an attempt to break the heavy silence weighing on them. Well, on one of them, at least.
He sighs softly, finally looking up to meet the man’s eyes. “Why are you here?” He asks, not even trying to mask the fatigue in his voice.
Reigen leans back, eyebrow raised sceptically. “I think the question should be why am I here now and haven’t been earlier.” He softens a bit and taps a finger against his mug lazily. “Mob sent, no ordered me. Hasn’t heard from you in days, he said, and you wouldn’t return calls or answer his messages. Since he’s not in town he made me come check on you – at this time of day too, can you believe it? – though if we’re being honest, he sounded like he was two beats away from flying here himself, no matter how dizzy it makes him.” He adds with a chuckle, and it turns into a more sombre look as he leans forward again. “I told him not to worry since you were probably just busy, but now that I’m here…”
There it is again, that scrutiny. Teru tries not to squirm in his seat while keeping the eye contact. He’s still half convinced that most of what he’s been doing is just him getting caught up in his own trivial drama as usual, acting out a part much more than was ever demanded of him.
(There’s that attention you were looking for.)
The other half is starting to think that maybe this isn’t normal, that while he’s felt… hazy before, it was never quite this bad. They say talking about problems helps, right?
He takes another moment to find the right words, gaze flicking back to his hands, at the same time revelling in the warmth seeping through the porcelain, and when they come he finds them unsatisfactory. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” He coughs, once, and chews on his lip. “In general, with myself.”
There is more to be said, a whole storm of thoughts swirling in him, making his fingers tingle with tension, but the words won’t come, stubbornly refusing to let themselves be voiced.
The beat of silence that follows sets him on edge but only for a second, because Reigen sighs loudly and shifts to lean on his arm, giving him a curious look. “And you think anyone really does?”
He must see something on Teru’s face, so he elaborates, waving his hand about like fanning an idea. “Let me guess, this is about your place in the world, the fear of not knowing what comes next, constant existential dread? That you’ll never keep pace with the people your age and end up alone at thirty with no idea how to make sense of the most basic demands you’d expect from someone your age?” Raised eyebrows, head tipped forward, this invites an answer.
Teru swallows hard, and he grips the mug a little tighter. “Ah, I- I suppose that’s. That’s one way to describe it.” He’s shaking, just barely, unable to keep still, and his mouth is so very dry. Teru takes a sip of tea.
Nodding knowingly, Reigen leans back again, cracking a wry grin. “Trust me, I know what that’s like.” He breathes out what could be called laughter. Probably.
I suppose he’s right. Fingers tracing the colourful pattern of the mug, Teru lets his thoughts wander. Master Reigen is always so confident, always – ever since he met him during the mess at Claw’s 7th division all those years ago. Sure he faltered sometimes, but who doesn’t? …Wasn’t he supposed to be the confident one too?
“But anyway, enough about me!” He’s pulled out of his musings by a loud yell and a cup of tea being slammed on the table, not too gently. “Sorry.” Reigen winces and shakes his head, dragging his chair just a little closer. Teru finds himself leaning forward, swept along by the sudden shift in atmosphere.
“Luck would have it that I know exactly what your problem is, kid.” He proclaims, snapping his fingers at Teru with a signature grin. “How about we run through this together? I’m assuming you don’t know what you wanna do after school?"
His jaw tenses up again, all by itself. Funny how that works so quickly. “No.” He brings himself to say. “I don’t.”
Reigen nods, completely unperturbed. “That’s alright, no problem at all. Only the least do, after all.” He says it like it’s a secret, something confidential only few know. “And even then, those people often end up doing something completely different. Really, no one cares.”
I care? Teru thinks to himself. “Won’t the first few years after graduation make the biggest difference, though? Decide whether you ‘make it or break it’, so to say.” At least he’s not shaking anymore.
To his surprise, Reigen only snorts. “That’s what they want you to believe. Honestly.” His tone is almost derisive, but his eyes look a little sad, concerned. It reminds Teru of the look he’d have when Shigeo was especially stressed, yet he never breaks the eye contact like he would on those occasions. The implications unnerve Teru just a little bit.
Reigen shakes his head again and taps a quick rhythm on the table. “Got any hobbies? Anything that you enjoy? We should try thinking about that if you want an idea for what you want to do later. At the very least it could cheer you up a little.”
Hobbies? Hobbies demand a certain skill. Spending time with Shigeo or his other friends is enjoyable, he supposes. Movies are always fun. He’s only ever been really good at using his powers though, no matter what others would tell him.
Suddenly, his thoughts go to Miu, to Rika, and all the other espers at the Awakening Lab, his chest seizing up painfully. God, how long has it been since he last saw them? Did he manage to find a replacement tutor in the end? Teru can’t remember if he even asked anyone.
“Powers!” He blurts out, “Training… powers.” then stops and flushes slightly. Very eloquently put. He clears his throat and tries again. “I mean, the lessons I give at the Awakening Lab. Those are fun. Nice.”
“There we go! That’s one, at least.” Reigen nods approvingly and stands in one fluid motion. In three big steps he’s by the window, a wide sweep of his arm pulls the curtains back. Outside the sun is just starting to rise, colouring the sky rose. Dawn. Reigen’s silhouette throws a shadow and for once Teru doesn’t need to shield his eyes from the bright rays.
“Here’s what you’re going to do,“ Reigen says as he throws the window open, the fresh breeze chasing away the stale air inside. “Because it’s 6:30 on a Sunday and I have places to be. First, this window will stay open for at least an hour. I know it’s cold but I’m starting to get dizzy, no idea how you even had any air left to breathe at this point.
“Second,” he casts a pointed glance at Teru’s bloody shirt. “Take a shower. Get rid of the bandages if you must but just. Yeah.”
No need to tell him twice. Teru ducks his head in embarrassment and clenches his toes while Reigen strides around the table and stops in the middle of the room, hands on hips. This command stings, more so than the sceptic inspection of the living room. He hasn’t really looked in a mirror for some time now, though right now that’s probably for the best.
“Third!” Teru turns in his chair and watches Reigen point at each offending piece of laundry or trash strewn about. “Clean this up. I mean it, put some music on or whatever, just do it.” He gives him an expectant look.
It’s weird, Teru thinks, it’s weird how quickly the haze in his head is clearing in such a short amount of time. He can feel it lingering, right where the little voice usually sits, slow and oozing like thick oil and smoke, but even it has been quiet for some time now.
“Can do, boss.” He half grins and something in Reigen’s posture relaxes. Today might not be a bad day after all.
And then Reigen turns to leave.
No! “Wait!” He rushes to stand but his feet tangle with the chair’s and he nearly falls, barely catching himself on the table with his injured hand. Fuck. “Where are you going?”
Reigen stops and turns back wide eyed, uselessly taking a step in Teru’s direction to prevent further injury. He knows how pathetic he must look, a complete mess, tripped over his own feet and wincing over the pain, but he can’t help wanting the other man to stay. Despite the spike of motivation, Teru doesn’t know how much of Reigen’s list he’ll actually accomplish on his own. It’s humiliating.
Instead of pity, though, he gets utter confusion. “Home?”
It feels like a slap.
Reigen doesn’t seem to notice. “Where do you think I keep all my food?” He asks, completely incredulous. “No offense kid but I seriously doubt you’ve got anything special in your fridge.”
What.
“Huh?” Teru pulls himself upright and stares. Does that mean…? He tries to swallow but his mouth is full of sandpaper. “So…you’re coming back?”
“Did you think I was done here? Of course I’m coming back!” Watching him march back to the table, arms flailing wildly, Teru can’t help the small sigh escaping him. They’re the same height now but Reigen still tries to stand taller. He thumps a hand on Teru’s shoulder and raises an eyebrow, challenge sparking in his eyes. “We still have a list to write, don’t we?”
He doesn’t sniffle, but it’s a close thing. “Okay. Yeah we do.”
“Good!” Another thump. On his way out, just before the door swings shut, Reigen calls back to him. “Oh yeah and charge your phone, dumbass.”
-
Shigeo ✿ sent a photo!
Shigeo ✿ [Fri 15:17]:
I thought you would like this bird, its feathers remind me of your sweater.
Shigeo ✿ sent a photo!
Shigeo ✿ [Fri 21:33]:
We had dinner at an American Steakhouse. I know you would’ve liked it here.
Shigeo ✿ [Fri 22:01]:
Oh, this isn’t mine though, it’s Ritsu’s. I ordered fries.
[1 Missed call from Shigeo ✿ ]
Shigeo ✿ [Sat 7:10]:
I couldn’t sleep last night, so I tried to call you because I didn’t want to bother Ritsu. You didn’t pick up. Sorry to bother you.
-
Gay Mulder [Sat 10:23]:
guesssss whos free todayy
its me
youre supposed to reply with
OMG TOME THATS SO GREAT ILY 4EVER
heeeeeeyyyyyy where are you
teroooooki
booooooooo
-
Shigeo ✿ [Sat 11:53]:
I’m sorry to bother you again but you haven’t replied yet.
Oh, it says you haven’t received my messages. Is your phone broken? I apologize for never asking your email address.
-
Small Seeth [Sat 13:47]:
Where are you?? Brother’s worried.
DON’T tell me you’re lying in a ditch somewhere, do you know how much that would upset him?
-
Shigeo ✿ [Sat 15:00]:
Ritsu said I should wait until three to send you another message but you still haven’t replied.
-
Gay Mulder [Sat 15:05]:
is there a reason mobs asking if ive heard of u?
dude
:////
-
Shigeo ✿ [Sat 17:00]:
I’m only allowed to write you every two hours now. Please reply.
Shigeo ✿ [Sat 19:00]:
We’re going out for dinner again today. Please reply.
Shigeo ✿ [Sat 21:00]:
Ritsu says I should try to sleep but I don’t think I can. Please reply.
Shigeo ✿ [Sat 23:00]:
I’ll try to sty awake n case you reply. Please repl teruki
Shigeo ✿ [Sat 23:04]:
Teru?
-
Bossman [7:18]:
hey you mind if Katsuya comes too? its Sunday and he usually makes smth fancy.
Teru ☆ [7:19]:
Sure! :)
Thanks
-
The sky is beginning to darken as the sun sets, slowly, and the moon is already visible in the east, early but not unwelcome. No clouds, just as there haven’t been any all day, which – regrettably – also means that it’s a lot colder.
That by itself shouldn’t be something to get too excited about but two days after Reigen’s surprise visit, Teru is still trying not to fall back into the deceptively comfortable lull of the haze. Walking around in the cold seems to do the trick.
The walk back to the Spirits and Such office after offering to pick up Suzuki’s cake along with a few other party items (candles, paper plates, decorative glitter – that one he picked) sounds like the perfect opportunity to do just that, and yet there’s a film of tension in the air, silence that’s just too deliberate to be comfortable.
“Teruki?”
It’s soft, soft like everything he does, and tinged with hesitance.
Teru was aware this would come, knew it from the moment Shigeo offered to go with him. They’d spoken on the phone on Sunday, albeit briefly because Shigeo wasn’t back in Seasoning City until much later that day. Now it’s Tuesday and there’s an ocean of things left unsaid between them, held together by a flimsy dam made of irrational fear and awkwardness.
It’s this fear that makes him hold on replying, and when he does it does nothing to ease the conversation into more familiar waters. He turns to face him, a slight smile playing on his lips, one he knows doesn’t reach his eyes. “Yes?”
Maybe it’s his words, or maybe it’s his smile, or something different altogether, but it makes Shigeo exhale, slowly and steadily, as if what he sees makes him more certain, more determined.
“Are you okay?”
Of all the things Teru was expecting, that was not one of them. He expected Shigeo to ask why his phone was turned off, what happened that weekend – if he was okay, that’s just an afterthought, isn’t it?
He opens his mouth once, then closes it again, still looking over a bit incredulously. He tries again. “I’m…better.” And finds that it’s the truth. He hasn’t been sleeping as much the last two days, and while it’s still not what you would call an appropriate amount, getting out of bed only takes half the time it did before. “How about you?”
The snow that came down all weekend has been shovelled off the sidewalks neatly and most cars are buried under white blankets. A motorcycle stands irresponsibly parked halfway on the sidewalk and they’re forced to walk a little more closely. It’s because of this that Teru even hears the reply, barely above a breath.
“I was worried.”
He almost wishes he didn’t. Guilt. He can feel it growing like a balloon in his chest, taking the air from his lungs. He stops walking.
Shigeo stands, too, and doesn’t meet his eyes. Teru takes a step closer and gently reaches for his hand, linking their fingers weakly, and relief blossoms in him when Shigeo immediately holds on tighter. It gives Teru the confidence he needs to speak.
“I know.” He puts his other hand on their joint ones and squeezes, causing Shigeo to finally meet his gaze, hopefully conveying all the right emotions. “And I’m so sorry, I-“ he stammers, swallowing past the growing lump in his throat. He’s supposed to know how to talk properly. “I didn’t think about it and you even sent me p-pictures of the trip like I asked, I-“ Breathe, Teruki. “I r-really made a big mess of it, didn’t I?” A humourless laugh escapes before he can smother it. His eyes are starting to burn, and that’s about the last thing he needs right now.
This time he’s the one who looks away, focusing on the leafless bushes surrounding them instead. They snap back when he feels Shigeo’s thumb on the back of his hand, slowly caressing it in comforting circles. Soft, dark eyes regard him evenly, steadying. Teru promptly forgets what else he wanted to say.
Realizing that nothing else would come, Shigeo makes a little noise of surprise and blinks, once, twice. Then he gives Teru’s hand a short squeeze and reaches up with his other to tug at a few strands of black hair thoughtfully.
“Master Reigen called me, after.” He starts and stops tugging for a moment to wave his hand a little, eyes wide with urgency. It’s a very Reigen gesture. “He didn’t tell me anything specific though, if you were worried about that. He, um. He just told me you weren’t feeling well but that it didn’t have much to do with being sick. Like Ritsu was, when he had the flu.” He moves on from tugging at his hair to fidgeting with the zip on his jacket, and then Teru’s.
“And I want to apologize too, for not realizing. I know I’m not very good at that,” his grip on the jacket increases just a little bit. “But I should’ve done anyway. I should have tried. I-I’m sorry too.”
Teru is speechless. This is about exactly the opposite of what he expected going into this conversation and now, going out, he doesn’t know what to say. He spares himself trying to talk now, and instead wipes the palm of his right hand across still stinging eyes, left one staying linked with Shigeo’s, if a little tighter than before. He is not trembling.
When he finds his voice again the first thing he can do is laugh, a shaky thing but genuine nonetheless. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Thank you, Shigeo. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
He means to start walking again but the scuffing sound of the other boy’s boots as he stands his ground stops him again. A hum, like he doesn’t quite agree. “No, it’s… I should’ve tried harder, considering…”
Hm? A tilt of his head. “Considering what?”
Suddenly he feels an aura manifest, blues and purples, soothing like waves. It’s not very noticeable, Teru doubts he would’ve felt it if not for the close proximity. They feel very small, repressed further than usual – but not in the same way. A lot more… intentional. Is he… embarrassed?
The fingers on his jacket have now become a hand fisting into the fabric, and Shigeo looks down, eyes disappearing under his fringe. “Considering we’re… We…” He’s blushing, just a little bit.
Oh.
He thinks—
Oh.
Oh god.
Forget being speechless before, Teru has never blanked out more than right then.
He must’ve let go because suddenly Shigeo’s hands are in fists, held tightly against his chest, two steps further back. He’s no longer flushed but pale, and getting more so by the second. “Uh, u-um, I mean. I didn’t t-think th-“ Absently, Teru notes that their clothes have lost their gravitational pull. “N-no, I’m. You. Pleas-s-s-e don’t h--“
He makes a choked noise when Teru steps close and even that peters out to a barely audible whine when he takes Shigeo’s hands back into his, guiding them down from their stiff, defensive position. He doesn’t notice himself smiling until gravity takes hold again, and Teru leans forward, pressing a soft kiss to Shigeo’s forehead.
“No, you’re right.” He says, a comforting warmth spreading through his body, reaching every fingertip, and for a moment he forgets the cold and the snow and the wind. It’s almost dark now, sun barely visible over the houses. “Of course you’re right. I think I was just a little too preoccupied to notice.”
The hitching sigh of relief he gets in return, followed by quiet breathy laughter muted through the soft fabric of his jacket as Shigeo slumps forward against his shoulder make his heart skip a beat. Teru watches the last rays disappear while they stand there, painting the sky in vibrant shades of dark blue and pale yellow, and he wonders if this sunset could ever be as beautiful as the one in his arms.