Chapter Text
Shopping bags bounce against Dean’s legs as he runs up the stairs. He doesn’t work out as much as he used to, so the elevator might have been a better idea. Instead, he tries to look tough and take all five stairs without ending up like an asthmatic rhino. He takes a few deep breaths when he ends up in front of his door with a red, sweaty face. He fumbles with the keys for a while, cursing under his breath because they’re slippery between his fingers.
Still cursing a little, he enters the small hall which is just large enough to get in a coat rack. He puts down the bags so he can slip off his leather jacket and hang it next to Cas’ trenchcoat.
“Hey!” He calls, but there’s no response. Maybe Castiel is focused on his school work again, or found a book in the library that he didn’t already know. Dean brings in the shopping bags himself, muttering he would’ve preferred a little help. Once he is in the kitchen and leans against the counter, he hears the sound of rushing water coming from the bathroom. He can use a shower right now too, so he decides to take a shower once Cas is finished.
Humming some AC/DC song, he begins putting away the groceries. He bought ingredients for burgers, a little surprise for his roommate because he passed his English test. It was no surprise to Dean, but Castiel had been worrying the entire week. Dean forgave all his grumpiness days ago. But Cas apologised so many times yesterday that Dean wants to show him it’s fine that he was a bit absent-minded and pettish. To be fair, it’s actually kinda cute when he’s frowning and his hair is a mess because he keeps running his hands through it.
Castiel normally doesn’t shower so long. At first, Dean doesn’t pay attention to it, but once he puts away the last bottle of coke, it occurs to him that Cas has been in there for more than five minutes now, and he was already in there when Dean got home.
A little hesitant at first, Dean walks over to the bathroom and carefully knocks.
“Cas, buddy, you okay in there?”
No answer. Dean frowns and knocks again. He puts his ear against the door, but that doesn’t really work. Just as he’s about to knock again, he hears a sound that’s definitely not the shower. It’s a sob, soft and weak. But Dean is sure, even though he never heard Cas cry before.
Castiel is crying.
“Cas?” Now Dean heard it, the crying is way more evident.
“Hey, Cas, are you okay?” That’s a stupid question, Cas is obviously not okay, but Castiel doesn’t seem to hear him at all. Dean looks down at the lock. It’s not locked, but the idea of just storming inside while his roommate is in there naked is a little awkward.
On the other side, Castiel is crying. Maybe he’s hurt, maybe something happened and he’s in pain. A vision of bright red mixing in with the water on the bathroom tiles makes him change his mind.
“I’m coming in!” He yells as loud as he can. The crying doesn’t stop, so Dean reaches for the knob and opens the door.
It’s impossible not to look at the curtains around the shower. Pretty much like everything in here, Castiel chose them, so it got bright yellow bees on it. Dean used to hate them, but whenever he showers at the gym or anywhere else, he misses the stupid little figures and small flowers.
“Cas.” He says, a lot softer now. “Come on, don’t make me open the curtain. What’s wrong, buddy?”
“N-nothing.” Castiel’s deep but soft voice echoes in the small bathroom.
“I ain’t buyin’ that crap, y’know.” Dean tries to stay calm, getting angry won’t make this any better. “You uh, thinking about getting out of that shower anytime soon?”
“No.”
Dean bites his lip, staring at the shower curtain. He takes a deep breath and grabs a towel from the rack at his side.
“I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice.” He reaches for the curtain and jerks it away. Castiel is sitting on the floor, legs pulled to his chest, arms wrapped around his knees. He looks up to Dean, hair sticking on his forehead. His eyes are red and even though Dean can’t tell if the water on his face is tears or water from the shower, he can see he’s been crying for hours.
“Dean wh-what are you doing-”
Dean reaches for the faucet and turns it off before kneeling down next to his friend.
“Jeez, Cas, you’re freezing.” He realises the water hadn’t even been that warm. He quickly wraps the towel around Castiel’s back, but it barely covers his legs. “Come on buddy, you needda get up.”
“I don’t- just… I don’t want to…” Cas sobs and his shoulders quivering as Dean tries to rub them dry. He tries not to focus on the fact that Castiel is naked, but then Cas suddenly grabs his wrist, his wet fingers freezing, and Dean’s awkwardness changes into worry. “Please. S-stay.” His ocean eyes are large and pleading, bottom lip trembling as a small whimper leaves his lips.
“I’m not going anywhere.” Dean says softly. He’s still clueless of what happened, but his biggest concern is getting Cas warm. “But you need to get up, alright? I’ll get you some clothes while you dry yourself, and I’ll be right back.” He’s still slowly rubbing Castiel’s back. Maybe it’s his promise that he isn’t leaving, or his tone, but Cas seems to calm down a little. He nods with a quiet sob and lets go of Dean’s wrist.
“Y-yeah.”
Five minutes later, Dean gets down next to Cas on his bed and without thinking, pulls him into a hug. Cas, currently wearing one of Dean’s hoodies and sweatpants, presses close and wraps his arms around Dean’s back.
“It… It’s…” he mumbles against Dean’s shoulder. “It’s Gabriel…” He sniffles, fingers clenching on Dean’s shirt. “He- he got into an accident and we- we don’t know if he’s going to wake up.” He chokes up. Dean doesn’t know what he was expecting. After all, Castiel barely ever cried. But something like Castiel’s brother getting into an accident wasn’t the first thing Dean thought of. He doesn’t know how to answer or what to do. Saying ‘everything will be okay’ could end up as a lie.
“Jeez…” he says softly. “Have you...have you seen him yet?”
“Yeah.” Cas pulls away so he can wipe at his eyes. “He was stable, asleep, but he looked- he…” He shakes his head. “He looked so fragile.”
Dean tries to imagine Gabriel as fragile, but it seems impossible. Castiel always complains about how loud Gabriel can be, or the jokes he keeps making. The few times Dean met him, it seemed like all the possible energy was built up inside the guy. He remembers his laugh the most.
“Do you- want to go there? I can bring you. If you want to wait in the hospital, we can go there right now.” Cas thinks about it for a moment, trying to dry his eyes.
“I think it will only make me more scared. I just… What if they call? What if dad calls and says that he’s gone, that he’s…”
“Cas, hey, listen to me.” Dean grabs his shoulders before Cas can bury his face in his hands again. “Worrying isn’t going to make it any better, okay? You can’t do anything but wait.” It’s not the advice Cas wants to hear right now, but he nods anyway. Dean frowns as he carefully wipes hair out of his friend’s face and gently dries his cheeks. “Again, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay with you if you want, okay?” Cas agrees silently.
Dean normally isn’t a man of many words. If he wants to tell someone something, he acts. But he doesn’t know what exactly he should do on moments like this, so he’s quiet for a while. Cas leans against him, eyes closed and sniffing every once in a while.
Minutes pass while Dean just holds Castiel, trying hard not to worry too much himself.
“Hey…” he breaks the silence, “are you… hungry or something? I can make you food if you want… Got you burgers.”
Despite his tears, Cas smiles vaguely. He shrugs.
“O-okay. I… I’ll call my dad. To see how Gabriel’s doing.”
Dean wishes he could hear the conversation Cas is having as he himself is busy preparing burgers. Castiel hushed voice doesn’t sound very distressed, which is a good sign, but it probably means there’s no news at all. After a few minutes, Cas gets into the kitchen with his hands tugged deep into the pockets of Dean’s hoodie.
“Nothing.” He says, eyes still red and watery. Next to scared and upset, he looks tired, too, but Dean wonders if Castiel will be able to sleep well tonight.
“I’m sorry.” He puts down the knife and turns to his friend. “They’ll call you when something happens, right?”
“Dad will call me whenever his situation changes. H-he’s staying the night there.” His bottom lip trembles slightly, but he bites down on it and takes a deep, quivering breath. “We just have to wait.”
For the rest of the evening, Dean takes care of Castiel as much as possible. He puts a lot of effort in the burgers and Cas thanks him, even though he seems tired, a soft gaze in his eyes while eating. Dean is more than worried, about both Cas and Gabriel, but the only one he can take a little bit of care of is Castiel, so he does whatever he can. Hours blend into each other but they seem to last forever, every minute without the phone ringing feels like centuries. It drives Cas crazy. He can’t sit down, he keeps pacing around the living room, the kitchen, the bedrooms. There’s no place he can find escape. The silence is overwhelming because after a while everything was already said and Dean didn’t know what to say anymore.
Neither of them goes to bed, though midnight struck a while ago. Castiel even stopped pacing around and sat down next to Dean on the couch, hands restless. He taps his fingers on the couch, tugs at his sleeves, pulls at a loose string on the couch’s fabric, runs a hand through his hair and repeats everything. Dean ignores it for a while, until he can’t.
“Easy,” he says, though kindly, and takes one of Castiel’s hands to pull it away. “Try to relax- yes, I know it sounds impossible, but you’re exhausted. At least close your eyes. If you fall asleep, I’ll wake you up. Promise.” This could’ve gone entirely wrong, Cas could get angry at him and yell about how he doesn’t understand, but such a thing isn’t in his personality. He stays quiet and nods, still frowning. Without asking, he lays down on the couch so that his head rests against Dean’s side and leg. Cas found the comfort Dean has been trying to give the entire evening. Together with his calming words, Castiel slowly calms down enough to doze off.
Dean doesn’t sleep. He’s quietly watching Castiel, flips through the same car magazine over and over, looks at Cas, readjusts the blanket he put over him, looks at Cas again. He whimpers and hums in his sleep, shifting slightly. Dean puts down the magazine and begins to stroke Castiel’s hair tenderly like he remembers his mom doing when he was a kid and he had a nightmare. She would sit next to him or hold him and stroke his hair, maybe sing a song until he fell back asleep. Now Dean isn’t so sure about his singing being calming, but the stroking seems to help. He doesn’t know what time it is, though it must have been past two in the morning. His eyelids keep getting heavier, but he continues to caress Castiel’s soft hair and back with care.
They’re both startled awake by the sound of Cas’ phone ringing. As Cas snatches the phone from the coffee table, Dean rubs his eyes so he can see the first blush of light peeking through the nearly closed curtains. Apparently, he ended up falling asleep for maybe an hour. It’s probably around 5 AM now, seen the light.
“Hello.” Cas’ voice is thick with sleep and unsteady. He looks at Dean as he listens. There’s a lot of talking on the other side of the phone, but after a few moments, something heavy seems to glide of Castiel’s shoulders. His eyes get lighter, as if fear is slowly leaving him. He even smiles, softly. “Th-thank you, dad, yes I understand… Of course. I uh- no, I’m okay. With Dean, yes. I will. I’m glad, too, god. Yes, thank you. Bye, dad.” He puts away the phone and looks back at Dean.
“He woke up. His injuries are pretty bad but they’re not- life threatening, they’ll be able to heal him. It was pretty close, they said, but Gabe… he’s a fighter.” Castiel is nearly crying again, but now because all the built up tension is gone. “He’s going to make it, though he’ll stay in the hospital for a while. He lost a lot of blood and they put him on heavy medication. But he woke up and talked with the doctors and with dad- he’s sleeping now. We can visit him tonight.”
“That- that’s great news, buddy, I’m so glad.” Dean grins at him widely. “I’ll bring you tonight.”
With another deep sigh, Castiel looks at Dean, his eyes filled with disbelief. Maybe the idea of Gabriel not being in danger anymore is still a bit too much.
“Dean.” He says still a bit rough and out of nowhere, he reaches for Dean’s hand. He squeezes it tight as he looks for words. “Thank you, for… for being here and- keeping up with me being all… you know… incapable of acting normal.”
It feels good to be able to chuckle again, Castiel has that effect on him. He’s very aware of Cas holding his hand, and the honesty of the words make him slightly flustered.
With slightly colored cheeks, he tries to shrug it off.
“It’s fine, really, no big deal. I gotta make sure my friend’s alright, right?” He smiles, looking down at his lap.
“No, Dean. I’m serious, I-” He stops mid-sentence, head tilted to the side. His frown deepens, and Dean can’t seem to look away. He looks at the puffy eyes with a lost tear on one of the dark lashes, the redness around his nose, his slightly parted lips. Damn, he’s really beautiful, is all he can think before leaning forward.
He cups both Castiel’s cheeks in his hands and kisses him messily, not sure exactly what he’s doing. He still doesn’t know what he’s doing as Castiel kisses back as surprised as Dean is, tasting a vague hint of the burgers and salt from Cas’ tears. He smiles, softening the kiss when he realises Castiel is actually kissing back and what that means. He can feel Castiel smile, too. They’re still smiling when they pull away, and Dean’s fingers linger on Cas’ cheeks a bit longer.
“It’s okay. Really.” He promises, slightly out of breath.
“Yes.” Cas nods, pulling Dean a bit closer. “It is.”