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“You can’t stay.”
Dean managed to get the words out, but the look on Cas’ face nearly broke him. He had almost lost him, again. And now he had just gotten him back and it wasn’t fair. None of it was fair. And damn it, if Cas started crying or some shit he wasn’t going to be able to deal with it.
“Is…is it because I had sex?”
“….What?” Dean was not expecting this conversation to go this way. He honestly wasn’t sure how he was expecting it to go, but this sure as hell wasn’t it. Though, to be fair, Cas had just lost his V-card. So it was probably still kind of his main focus.
“Because I was thinking about you, last night, in bed-“
“What?!”
“And I realized that I was a bit unclear on current human mating rituals, so we may have entered into a relationship I had been unaware of.”
“Cas, are you high?”
It was Cas’ turn to look confused, apparently. “What? No, Dean, I’m not intoxicated in any way. I was just saying we have shared many meaningful looks in the past and we are… very close. And I…I believed we were very important to each other. But I wasn’t sure you felt the same way so…. I never meant to be unfaithful to you, Dean.” Cas looked down at this, fiddling with the sleeve of that stupid hoodie.
“Cas, no, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Dean rubbed his hands over his eyes slowly. He was tired and he just wanted to sleep. He wanted to sleep knowing everyone he cared about was under this roof and safe but apparently he couldn’t have nice things today. He checked behind him to make sure Sam wasn’t within earshot before leaning towards Castiel. “I’m gonna level with you, but you can’t tell Sam, understand? You can’t tell him.”
Cas was instantly completely serious, completely focused. He nodded slowly, his eyes only flicking over towards where Sam was for a second. “What’s wrong?”
“Sam’s hurt bad. Like, dying bad. And Zeke is the only one on our side who can fix him now. So he kind of tricked Sam into saying yes for a little bit. Shut up, I know it’s bad,” Dean said before the ex-angel could start scolding. “But Zeke’s being a little bitch and saying you’re putting us in danger and it’s him or you. And…”
“And if he goes Sam dies.”
“…yeah. I’m sorry, man.”
“It’s alright Dean. Family is important to you, I know that. …I’ll go. It’ll be fine.” He tried to give Dean a reassuring smile, but it was so small it really only showed how scared he was of being on his own again.
“Shit, Cas, it’s only gonna be for a little while, I swear. Here,” Dean said, taking out his wallet, “take this credit card. You can get a motel room, some food, and a prepaid cell. You call me as soon as you got one, ok?”
“Ok, Dean.” His smile was a little bigger now, a little bit more self-confident. “But… just so I don’t make a mistake… are we in a relationship?”
Dean balled his hands into fists, breathing sharply from his nose. “Sort of,” he burst after a moment had past.
“I… don’t understand. What does that mean?”
“It means I’m not entirely ok with you being a guy, Cas. But I really can’t live without you, damn it. And it isn’t like I haven’t been with guys before, but that was all like…and this is all…relationships are different, Cas!” Dean finished lamely. This was ridiculous, he felt like he was trapped in some horrible chick flick and he couldn’t get out. Wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to at this point, if it meant he would get to stay with Cas. And make sure the idiot didn’t die again or something.
“Ah. I understand now,” Cas said as he stood up. He placed a hand gently on Dean’s shoulder and smiled.
“It’ll be alright, Dean. Like you said before, we’ll work it out.”