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KEEP IT TOGETHER. KEEP IT TOGETHER. KEEP IT TOGETHER.
The mantra repeats itself in his head many times as he sits alone in his hotel room. He hasn’t moved from his spot on the edge of the bed. He may appear calm on the outside but there's a raging storm within his mind.
His thoughts have overflowed, causing him to flounder through his own mind. He’s swimming - no, drowning in his own thoughts. The current is too strong, the waves too tall. Try as he might, he cannot keep his head above the water. Slowly, he takes in more and more, inhaling saltwater, only to cough it back up in disgust. As figurative as the sensation might be, the cycle is endless.
Is there any escape from this hellish ocean?
No.
Not while the vision of the bespectacled guitarist floods his mind. Not while he envisions himself pulling the guitarist into a kiss.
Not while he feels the pangs of jealousy whenever Graham puts his attention on others. ( He'll have to do something about that soon enough. )
The enraged thoughts focus on the images of Graham talking with Alex, with one of the fans, with someone who isn't Damon. The waves rise higher, high enough for Damon to feel suffocated by the water. He hates the feeling of jealousy. It burns deep within the pit of his stomach. He can't let the resentful ocean swallow him whole. He won't have that happen and he could only think one solution.
Perhaps it's the haze of covetous thoughts that have spurred on such an impractical plan but, in that moment, he doesn't care. The plan is perfectly sound in his mind. He knows that it is the only way. He can't live with the idea of having to be in the sidelines while the object of his affections is with someone else. GOD EVEN THE THOUGHT KILLS HIM. It will kill him inside if he has to step aside. He's not going to let go of Graham without leaving claw marks in the process. Then again, there is no option of letting the guitarist go. That's the equivalent of giving up and Damon Albarn is not one to give up.
IF I CAN'T HAVE HIM, NO ONE CAN. NO ONE CAN HAVE HIM. THAT'S ONLY FAIR.
He has to be mine. Either that, or burn.