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“Listen buddy, you can’t stay,” Dean says, and my chest clenches painfully. What does he mean I can’t stay?
“Dean,” I say softly, choking back tears. He can’t be serious, he just can’t be. Dean looks down, biting his lip. “I....” I start to say but the words fall short. I have nothing to say. I do not wish to be homeless again, to feel the cold when it rains, to feel the hunger due to lack of food.
“I’m sorry,” Dean mutters, looking up. His eyes are wet and I realize it has been a long time since I have seen Dean cry. “It’s just...It’s Sam, Cas...he’s still healing and you’re a walking target.”
I nod. “I understand,” I say, even though I don’t. I want to remind Dean that it was he who begged me to get here. I want to point out that he prayed to me to stay here while I was an angel. I want to, but I don’t; I am a target, a useless one. I cannot protect Dean and Sam anymore, and therefore I must leave. I will only bring them harm.
“I will go,” I say standing up. I put down the burrito, wiping my hands on my pants. My stomach clenches painfully. I feel sick. “Excuse me,” I mutter, pushing past Dean to run to the bathroom. I barely make it before I throw up everything in my stomach. I wipe at my mouth, flushing the toilet.
“You okay?” Dean asks from behind me, I turn nodding and standing up.
“I’ll be going now,” I tell him not looking him in the eyes, walking out of the bathroom.
“Cas! Wait, I’m not just going to send out there with nothing,” Dean tells him. “Come on,” he says, leading him to an empty bedroom. “This...uhm...it’s your room,” he says softly. I look around and shrug, it means nothing to me now. Dean grabs a duffle bag and starts filling it with clothes, and what seems to be random items. “These should all fit you, we bought them...” Dean shakes his head as if he doesn’t want to think about why they were bought. Maybe he doesn’t.
“Thank you,” I say, numbly, as I take the bag from Dean as he hands me a large wad of a cash.
“This should be good for awhile,” he says handing over a credit card as well. “Keep in touch...please,” he tells me giving me a cell and a charger. “Please Cas,” he adds, pulling me into a hug. “I can’t lose you, not again. I’m sorry for this, I really am,” he mumbles against my ear. I drop my bag and hug him back soaking in the warmth that is Dean.
“I’ll see you soon,” I say when we finally part. I don’t know if it’s true but I hope it is.
“See you soon,” he promises as he watches me leave.
Three months later
My cell phone rings on the nightstand at the shitty motel I’m staying at, and I know it’s Dean. I’m tempted not to answer. I’m tired, I’m not sure I can deal tonight with his apologies and promises that I can come home soon. Still I find my hand reaching for it.
“Hello?”
“Cas,” Dean breathes, letting out a sob. “Cas, you can come home. Please come home,” I get up off the bed already beginning to pack. “Where are you? I’ll come get you.” I give him the address hanging up and packing up the rest of my belongings. In a hour Dean is there knocking on the motel door. I answer it and immediately am swept up into Dean’s arms.
“Fuck, Cas, I missed you so much,” he sobs, tightening his hold on me. I breathe in his scent, smiling.
I am home.