Work Text:
rohan sighed, completely satisfied. finally, after weeks of typing and late night powerade chugging it was done. a complete drag of the one and only josuke higashikata. it'd been sitting in his drafts for months now, but at last, it was done. all he had to do was copy, paste, anon and..
'heh!' rohan crossed his arms smugly, his shit stained batman underoos and sweat stained 'god said let there be big azz vape clouds' shirt shifting and sloorshing against his scaley twink like figure as he situated himself. 'that idiot will have no clue, he'll be so fucked up he'll probably try to report me, or better yet, deactivate!' rohan laughed to himself, his plan was top fucking shit. though he was sure the idiot wouldn't respond right away, he refreshed his blog anyway, just for a kek or two, but to his surprise-
'rohan did you forget i have statcounter, you've had my blog open for 2 weeks and you've been refreshing it every day. #how pathetic #wtf are you bullying minors online for anyway lol don't you have taxes to be filing'
needless to say, the amazing kishibe rohan was #shook, and that in itself was an understatement. he quickly ran to his bathroom, locking the door and turning off the light and rapidly refreshing the app on his phone to see if he'd been doxxed.
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jolyne was on the absolute fucking brink of losing her goddamn mind. for weeks her dash has been nothing but anasui's nonstop porn posting on her dash and his god awful poetry, clearly vaguing her for rejecting him for the 8000000th time in a row. she'd tried being somewhat civil before, but she was this close (this close) to tearing out her hair. just as she opened the messanger function however, a notif from her good pal weather report chimed in.
'thought you might wanna have a look at this.' ah, blunt as ever her dear friend. she squinted, clicking the screenshots as they loaded slow as ever, tumblr was a fully funtional website after all.
'...what the fat hell.' someone with the url 'fuckjotaro666' was clearly on a mass vaguing spree, and it was clearly about her.
'why the FUCK are people following my mortal enemy's aphobic ass daughter?? blocked. every goddamn one of you.' whew boy, this was a lot. jolyne felt in her minds third eye that it was best to leave it and go about her business, but she'd be lying if she said she wasn't curious. she wasn't offended over the vague, no, just a bit surprised. she typed the url into her address bar, hesitated for a moment or two, but clicked enter.
jolyne's regretted two things in her entire life: 1) whatever she saw in her chode ex boyfriend and 2) getting caught in the middle of a date with rosie palms by a male security guard.
this is a close fucking second though.
'DIO / 30000+ / taken.
i thought i was an athiest until i realized i'm a god.'
this was a joke. this had to be a troll, some sort of wonky rp blog, some shit. despite the feeling in her gut the girl scrolled on, falling deeper and deeper into despair, staring at the multicolumn, migraine enducing color schemed blog with the 2p!hetalia transparent sidebar, it was all a disaster and she'd barely even glanced at the content.
'op is a terf, i used my stand and chopped my dick clean off to open my third eye to sense it, but i also-' she has to resist the urge to astral project right then and there, she just has the sudden urge to die right fucking now, or even revert to a simpler time. jolyne misses the feeling of youth, before finding this hellscape of a website, back when a bitch didn't know shit and didn't need to.
she slowly, ever slowly, clicks the about link in his description.
'i am DIO, the ultimate being, vampirekin, godkin, no doubles. if you share just say you're factkin of me or i will NOT hesitate to send my stand directly into your home and fuck your mother.' nothing sounds better right now than a bit of prozac and a milk glass of scotch.
'callout on DIO fuckjotaro666 / godkin43 / ireallylovepucci / bussybuster85' hard pass. scroll.
'callout on DIO' scoll.
'call-' jesus fucking christ.
she was on the 7th page already, surviving public sexts, anon hate, kin drama, 'send me more hate, i thrive on it, i spill my load all over lady conflict's tasty bossum every single day and night.' he did not. he didn't just say bossum. 18 pages in, the girl was strong if not a fool for staying this long. then finally, that was it, the straw that broke the camel's back. the 'some people use piss to cope' post replied with 'um op, why do you hate mentally ill people? i'm not speaking for anyone personally, but i actually DO rub my boyfriend's used condoms against my silky skin while lighting my neighbor's gnome's on fire and tossing them against the soft earth while playing grimes' gutteral moans in an attempt to align my 8 inner gates of chakra as a radical act of self care, and i constantly get shit for it. while it isn't a coping mech, i totally know how shit it feels to-' laptop: slammed shut. scotch: poured. prozac: snorted dick: out.
jolyne kujo forcibly moves herself to the couch and announces her 3 year tumblr hiatus.