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‘’Okay Smoak, you can do this. Just.. breathe through it. You’re going to step up to him and say it. Three little words. That isn’t so hard, is it?’’
She stands in the small bathroom of the foundry, speaking to herself in the mirror. The words are meant for comfort, familiar in the silence of the room. The pep talk is to remind herself she needs to do this, needs to tell him, even if she has absolutely no idea how.
She sighs wearily. There are times when she thinks she will never be able to stop babbling, but now, just when she needs it the most, the words won’t seem to come. Which is kind of ironic, if you think about it.
Sometimes she wonders if she lost herself completely since she started working with Oliver. She was just an IT girl, doing her rather simple job until she met him. Her whole life turned upside down from that very moment. He gave her a purpose, letting her use her skills for something far more interesting than Queen Consolidated. In return, she had gotten a family. For the first time in years, she had found a place where she belonged.
As many goods as it had brought her, the operation also took some things from her. Parts of herself she knows she will never get back, like her innocence or her ability to trust people. In this year she has seen so many bad things happen to good people, that it has become some sort of issue with her. In fact, the people she trust can be counted on one hand.
Oliver, John, Quintin.
Funny how all of them are men and yet, she isn’t in a relationship with any of them. Not that she wants to date Officer Lance of course. He could totally be her father, what would make her a sister of Laurel and..
That was to awkward and complicated to even think about.
She pulls her blond hair back in a ponytail. It’s a look she no longer uses that often, but it makes her feel more normal. Almost like the old Felicity with just a new layer of secrets and a different clothing style, rather than a completely different person. It helps to remind her she hasn’t truly lost herself.
The printed dress she is wearing is a combination between her old and her new style. It falls above her knee, but the neckline is round and reveals nothing. The back is a bit lower, leaving her shoulder blades bare. The white, blue and purple colors form an abstract forest, giving it enough quirkiness for her liking. She feels good in this dress. Strong, confident.
She holds that feeling for a couple of seconds, before she realizes what she is about to do. Immediately, her stomach clenches together. There is just no way to know how Oliver will respond.
Taking a deep, calming breath, she turns away from the mirror. Hiding out here is pointless. If she really wants to change things, there is only one way to make it happen. She needs to take control, speak up. Nobody ever gained anything without showing some initiative. ‘’Everything will work out fine,’’ she reminds herself again, before she pushes the door open.
Halfway down the stairs, the familiar sound of Oliver starting a training session penetrates the silence. She knows John has left half an hour ago, wanting to check on Carly. They are back to dating each other and therefor he is placing his personal life high on his priority list. It encourages her to try and do the same thing.
She pauses for a moment, realizing that if she is going to talk to him now, she will be confronted with a half-naked, build up on adrenaline Oliver. A blush creeps up her cheeks. Although time has passed since she first saw him and his chiseled torso, her mouth still goes dry as soon as she sees it. And while normally, his attitude doesn't bother her anymore – she will not give him the satisfaction of scaring her – he needs be in a good mood before she drops this bomb on him.
The courage she had gathered in the bathroom leaves her and with a few quick steps, she runs up the stairs and through the door. She needs something to help her relax. Something strong and… Her eyes fall on a bottle filled with amber colored liquid.
Perfection.
The bottle of licor 43 gets snatched from its spot at the bar along with two glasses. Hey, if she was going to drink, then she could at least offer Oliver one to.
When she has mustered up the courage to start walking down again, there are no sounds except her own footsteps on the metal staircase. Tentatively, she keeps going, all the while looking around to find him. It isn’t until she is at her desk that she spots him.
He is in one of the dark corners, standing with his back towards her, whipping the sweat he has built up away with a towel. Her mouth falls slightly ajar when she lets her eyes roam over him. The shadows accentuate his muscles and when he moves, she can see them roll under his skin. She bites her bottom lip in order to keep her mouth shut. She doesn’t need one of her awkward babbles right now.
It’s almost as if he has heard her struggle, because he turns around and she can feel his eyes on hers. There is no way to read the look in them due to the distance and the shadows that surround him.
She is really starting to hate the darkness; it hides him from her.
She licks her lips when he walks towards her. It takes all of her resolve to keep looking at his face, instead of his still very naked chest. Is he trying to make her crazy? She almost believes he is, because that seems to be the only logical explanation for the fact he has walked past his shirt and right up to her.
His gaze shifts to the bottle in her hand and then back to her eyes, one of his eyebrows raised. ‘’I wasn’t aware we had something to celebrate,’’ he says with his low, velvet like voice.
Her heart misses a beat when she hears his words. The combination of ‘’we’’ and ‘’celebrate’’ is more than she can take, turning her nerves into butterflies. She can easily imagine him saying that under very different circumstances.
Their fingers brush softly against each other when he takes the bottle from her and her breath hitches. Again, she wonders if he has any idea of what he is doing to her, but this time, she knows she is just adding too much value to his gestures. He doesn’t mean anything with the way he moves or acts around her. Their friends. Friends can brush hands without it being something more.
He smiles and she can almost feel the warmth running up her spine. It isn’t one of the grins he uses when he is playing the role of Oliver Queen, billionaire playboy. No, this is a warm, honest upturning of his lips. It carries an amount of fragility, giving a glimpse of the tormented soul inside. She is grateful he trusts her enough to let her see it.
His open expression makes her feel lightheaded. She returns his smile but winches seconds later, knowing that it’s brighter than appropriate. If she doesn’t watch it, she will betray herself and her growing feelings towards Oliver.
She scolds herself for losing her head like this. The conversation she wants to have with him isn’t about how he smiles or how breakable he is. She wipes her hands on the skirt of her dress, using the moment to gather her thoughts. Three words. You can do it Smoak. She opens her mouth, but words fail to come out.
No. Not yet.
What she is about to say will change her world, change the future she will have. She just wants to have another moment where everything is normal. Another memory to keep close to her heart.
His smile, that little gesture of trust he just gave her, only made things harder for her.
‘’We don't. But then again, I could really use a drink. Or two. Or five.’’
His soft laugh surrounds her, pulls at her and suddenly she realizes how close he is. If she would reach out her hand, she could touch his skin, trace his scars. But she doesn’t. Instead, she reminds herself once again that it’s not weird for friends to be in close proximity of each other. There is no meaning behind it, no alternative motive.
He pours them both a glass and holds one out to her. She takes it from him, eyes on his long, calloused fingers. She makes sure that their fingers don’t brush again, knowing that he will see her reaction to his touch now that he is so close to her.
She casts him a look, knowing that he could have stepped back, but for some reason, he didn’t. She thinks it’s just a figment of her imagination, but when she looks up to find him looking down at her, she isn’t so sure anymore.
The tension in the room is palpable. Everything seems to come down to this very moment. They are facing each other, seemingly frozen in time.
‘’So, Cuarenta Y Tres?’’
Instead of breaking the tension, his voice only adds to it. A heat wave runs right through her when she hears the perfect pronounced Spanish words. She swallows and breaths, but even she can hear that it’s a bit shaky. Damn you Oliver. Damn you and your seductive foreign languages.
He leans in and subconsciously, she does the same. His hand reaches out to her, softly caressing her cheek. Her eyes fall shut at the sensation, the touch so intimate it feels like his is touching her soul.
Moments filled with silence pass and then she feels his breath ghosts over her skin. He has stepped closer, their bodies now only inches apart. It feels so right, but she knows it’s wrong. If they cross this line, it can't be undone. She isn't sure if she is willing to sacrifice his friendship, just for a kiss. Or is she really so naive to think - no, to hope - that this could grow into something more?
She looks up at him, at his beautiful blue eyes. Her stomach makes this crazy flip when his eyes drop to her lips. Is he really going to…?
Reality hits her and she steps back, averting her head to hide her emotions. She needs time to get herself back together, to put every longing cell of her heart back in its place. Nothing has changed. She is Felicity Smoak and he is Oliver Queen. Yes, they have this great friendship going on, but that doesn’t mean they should take their relation to the next level, whatever that would entail.
She takes a sip of her drink in an attempt to hide that she took the cowards way out. Oliver not remarking on it makes her wonder if he also needs the silence to get himself back in check.
Still, she doesn’t dare to look to him, so instead, she turns and steps towards her computers. Her tongue comes out to lick her lips, tasting the alcohol on them. It triggers something inside her, making her recall his question.
The awkward bodies nearly touching, lips almost meeting situation made it feel like he asked it hours ago. Answering now almost feels silly, but it looks like the only way to cut through the tension that’s hanging between them.
‘‘You know me and my mysteries... I mean, 43 unknown ingredients and a recipe that is kept secret for years? That’s like the jackpot to me.’’ When she looks up at him, she is greeted by a hint of a smile, then he lifts his glass in a salute and takes a sip. ‘’It’s almost as intriguing as all the lies you told me in your really pathetic attempt to hide your secret. I still don’t know how you could think nobody would see right through it.’’
In the reflection of her computer monitors she can see how the corners of his mouth turn up by the memory. He is probably recalling some of their encounters where she didn't held back on her suspicion of him.
He closes the gap between them, coming to rest behind her. When he looks over her shoulder to the screen, their eyes meet in the dark reflection. His hand ghosts over her arm to her shoulder and she can't help but hold her breath. She holds his gaze through the screen, scared that if she looks away, he will disappear.
‘’Because nobody ever did.''
The words pull at her heart. He speaks to her in all his honesty and she realizes just how hard this life is for him. The moment he stepped back in his old life, he started to hide his true self for not only the public, but for everyone he ever met. Nobody even took the time to look at him and see the charade he was playing.
''I trusted on my reputation and charm, assuming Felicity Smoak would be so impressed to meet Oliver Queen, she wouldn’t pay attention to what I was saying.''
He lightly squeezes her shoulder and it doesn't matter how hard she fights it, her eyes fall shut at the simple but meaningful gesture.
''Then I met you and with this single tilt of your head, everything changed. Instead of swooning over me, you saw right through me.’’
Her arms cross over her chest, clenching together to keep the emotions at bay. It's a failed attempt to try and keep every together. One of his hands pushes softly against her shoulder, turning her around.
‘’You still do,’’ he whispers.
A lonesome tear falls on her cheek. This world is way to cruel to Oliver Queen. They assume he is the same brat that left on the Queens Gambit because it's easy. They don't see a man with his heart of the right place, willing to do whatever he can to make. If only they could see him like she sees him.
A finger caresses her cheek, wiping away the tear, making her exhale her breath. She looks up to find his azure eyes on her, concern overflowing them.
''Hey,'' he whispers. ''It's okay.''
The warmth of his voice makes her lift her chin. He breaths out and she can feel it warming her face, his lips only mere inches away for hers. His eyes are so dark and intense and she can feel her resolve crumbling down. If he tries to kiss her now, she isn’t sure she will be strong enough to reject him again. A finger travels towards her mouth, rough calloused pad brushing over the sensitive skin.
Suddenly one simple kiss doesn't seem like such a big problem anymore.
Her hands reach up to grab his neck and in the same swift motion, she pushes herself on her tiptoes and slant her lips over his.
He reacts immediately, pulling her closer to him, the hand on her face angling it so he can have even more access. Heat pulls at her center when his teeth sink in her bottom lip. One of her hands trails over his naked chest, reveling in the way his muscles react to her touch.
They pull back from the kiss, panting hard and pupils blown. She lets her head fall to his shoulder, faintly smiling at how one of his hands is immediately on her head, playing with the strands of her hair. She listens to his heartbeat, elevated but steady. She feels save, protected by his arms.
''I see you,'' she whispers against his skin.
Three words. And although they may not be the original three words she wanted to say to him, their meaning is the same. His lips find hers again in response and she sighs in to him, giving him everything he asks and then some. Just like she has done every day for the past year.