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He's done. He doesn't want to go on. Why was he so hard to kill? How did he survive getting blown up by a missile, getting his arc reactor ripped off, palladium poisoning, a fucking alien invasion and even another invasion by Ultron? And those were only the major things, he didn't even want to think about all the times he survived the risks he takes almost everytime he's in the workshop. Why did he fight back? Why couldn't he just die already? He hates this. He hates it all. Everytime he think oh, I'm going to do something good it turns out to be a clusterfuck? How is this his life? A lot of people would be jealous of his life. He's a billionaire, he's a fucking genuis, any man and women would have him and everyone thinks of him as a hero. Why would I feel like this if I have it all? If I do have it all, why am I so lonely? There's this thing about Tony Stark, he seems great and all but when people actually get to know him, they just run away. Why? Maybe because when they meet him, people just tend to set expectations of this man. But then they realize that I'm selfish, arrogant and self-destructive so they just disappear. He barely talks to Rhodey anymore, Pepper has left him as well. The Avengers, although they all live together, barely get along with him to begin with. The only person he used to get along with was nowhere to be found. Bruce is done with him too.
He has no one left. That's a fact. And he just can't take it anymore because on top of this self-hatred, everything he touches turns to ashes. First, I kill millions by selling weapons. Then I piss off these two scientists and they make bombs out of people, hurting Pepper too. Then, I make a peacekeeping AI whose mission is kill everyone. Awesome. Everyday he faces his teammates and thinks that he doesn't belong there. He can't handle looking at them everyday, specially Steve Rogers who's just too good for his own. Everyday, he looks at Steve and thinks, How can I be a good person? Everytime I try it fails. It always does. So no, he cannot face his childhood hero while he's a fuck up. A mistake.
It's night, Tony is setting on the shower floor while the water is running and he holds the gun in his hand and just stares at it. He muted FRIDAY so he's alone with all these thoughts on his mind, Just do it. Everyone will be better without you, and then you can rest in peace. It's a win-win. He doesn't even know if he's crying or not, not with all the water running down his face and his body. He feels numb.
"Captain Rogers, will you please make your way to Sir's bathroom?" FRIDAY's filled the room. Steve was eating leftovers and watching some show about a guy who can time-travel.
"Uhm, why? What happened, JARVIS?" He got up, not waiting for a response, not that he got one anyway. Steve went to the elevator and to the bathroom he goes.
He felt so numb. Didn't even move an inch. Fuck it. Tony finally made a move and the gun was pointed to his head. He can already picture the titles, Tony Stark, "living in such hardship", commits suicide! That's so pathetic.
"Tony! Don't!" Tony didn't even hear that. His mind was making calculations on how much time it'd take if he pulled the trigger. As he was going to pull the trigger everything in him told him that yes, this is what's going to bring him, his teammates and everyone else peace.
Someone from behind him snatched the gun off of his hand and hugged him from behind. Tony lowered his head and brought his thighs up to his lap. And he just stared at the wall, listening to Steve saying It's okay, Tony. You're going to be okay and feeling his arms around him.
No it's not... Why am I so hard to kill?