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Hoseok woke up to movement and groans from the other side of the bed. He hated waking up like this, hated seeing Yoongi go. At times he wished he could just wrap his arms around the other and force him to stay, force him to forget about the outside world and just stay with him until they grew old, but that is not the agreement they made.
“Do you really have to go so early?” Hoseok complained, sitting up in his place and groaning quietly at the pain in his thighs and knees. His back clicked on the way up, echoing through the small bedroom.
“Solji thinks I'm at work overnight and I told her I’d be home early morning. Sorry.” Yoongi shrugged, standing up to pull his trousers on with a small jump. “I can't leave her.”
“You left her last night.” Hoseok muttered under his breath, throwing his duvet off further than he had expected, thanking the force above that he had decided to sleep in his boxers.
“That's different, I was here.” Yoongi pulled on a sock and watched Hoseok stand up and leave the room halfway through his sentence. “I was speaking to you, come back.”
“I don't care.” Hoseok whispered, closing himself in the bathroom and letting his heart race at the dark purple bruises painted on his neck. He hated that they had no meaning at all, just a way to ease Yoongi’s needs as a disgusting cheat. Hoseok hated loving this horrid person.
“I’ll text you.” Yoongi said through the door of the bathroom, Hoseok barely hearing through the little bubble he had inflated around himself. His fingers were tracing the marks on his neck, the marks a lover is supposed to leave on his partner, but Hoseok was not Yoongi’s partner. Solji was. “Hoseok?”
“Ok.” Hoseok scratched at his neck, as if the mark was going to fade. He scratched again, and again, repeating this until he caused himself to bleed. No effort was made to wipe up the blood, he let it run down his neck as he sunk down onto the tiles on his floor. His arms wrapped around his knees and his throat let out a sob, a sob Hoseok had been waiting to emerge ever since this ordeal began a few months ago.
Why did he have to love someone he could not have? When these antics began he did not love Yoongi, he felt absolutely nothing towards him when they met in the club, both drunk and unaware of their actions. Again, he felt nothing when Yoongi told him he had a girlfriend but wanted to keep sleeping with him.
He wished there was a way that he could go back in time and force himself to fall in love with somebody else. Anybody else would do, anybody but Yoongi. Truly, he is a bad man really, no matter how kind he can be to anybody, a cheat is a cheat. A way to warn himself of the dangers to come, to not fall for Yoongi’s trap. Not use the opportunity as a way to grieve himself, to tell himself to run away as fast as he could and never look back, but there wasn't. He was stuck loving Yoongi when he knew he shouldn't and couldn't do it any longer.
He also wished there was a way he could hold Yoongi in his arms, keep him close and never let him run back to Solji, make him into a better person and love him like he really means it. Be able to wake up everyday without watching Yoongi scurry off to his girlfriend, be able to walk around outdoors with him and treat him how he would once they were home. Be able to stumble up the stairs together without it ending up in sex. It was always the same, and Hoseok hated that too.
He would always tell himself ‘at least he comes to you to cheat. He’s willing to risk his relationship for you’ but none of that matters in the end when the boy he loves unconditionally does not love him back, even worse he loves another girl. Maybe he doesn't, his counter argument would be, maybe he's coming to Hoseok because he no longer loves his girlfriend but doesn't want to break it off with her.
One day he could burst into Hoseok’s home and declare his love for him. As much as Hoseok loved him, he knew he would reject. A cheat is a cheat, after all. That's just the way it is.
Hoseok finally picked himself up from the floor, deciding he was through with being pathetic, crying over a man who was utterly disgusting and not worth his time. “Not worth it.” He muttered to himself when he unlocked the door, almost jumping out of his skin when he caught Yoongi still in his bedroom.
“Why are you still here?” Hoseok rubbed at his face as if he was tired, trying to wipe away any evidence of crying or struggle from his sleepy eyes.
“I can't find my shirt.” He muttered, then his face clouded up in realisation. “We used it to…to wipe up…”
“Shut up. Just take one of mine and go.” Hoseok turned to open his small wardrobe, ripping down one of his t-shirts (he didn't look at which one) and threw it on the bed. “Just say you spilt food on the old one or something.”
“Whatever, thanks.” Yoongi threw it on and slid past Hoseok, muttering a quiet “I’ll text you.” Into Hoseok’s ear on his way past.
“I hope you don't.” Hoseok whispered bitterly, and slammed his bedroom door.
ㅡ
“Nope. No.” Hoseok said to himself and launched his phone onto his bed, completely ignoring the text from Yoongi requesting for him to visit. He hadn't made any attempt to communicate with Hoseok for the past week and honestly, Hoseok was struggling. Their relationship may always be sex and simply sex, but Hoseok always enjoyed the little times they had where they would talk about something completely off topic and it’d have them jumping off the walls in laughter. For the past week, there was nothing, and now that all Yoongi wanted was sex, Hoseok didn't want it.
The annoyingly loud sound of the ringtone Hoseok had set for Yoongi blared through his bedroom, and it took all of his might to move himself away and out of the room completely and letting the noise slowly die down the further he moved away. Not today, not today.
It was annoying, having the boy he loved ringing him continuously but he could never pick up. The more he could distance himself, the easier it could be to leave him for good.
His doorbell rung relentlessly once Hoseok got to the living room. With a loud sigh of annoyance, he unlocked the door and was faced with Yoongi, and tried to push it closed again.
“What are you doing?” Yoongi began to raise his voice and stick his foot and hand in the way of the door.
“Go home.” Hoseok whispered, kicking at Yoongi’s toes lightly and tried to pry his fingers off of the door. “I need to practice a choreography.”
“I need you though!” Yoongi complained, and Hoseok couldn't contain the scoff that was built up in his throat.
"No, you don't! You need Solji! Go away!” Hoseok began to shout, swinging the door open roughly and causing it to crash against the hallway door. “Go home, for fuck sake! Leave me alone!”
“What's gotten into you?” Yoongi asked gently, reaching forward to try and grab onto Hoseok’s hands, but he ripped himself away as quick as he could, stumbling backwards a few steps.
“I can't do this anymore.” Hoseok muttered, shaking his head. “I can't fucking do this anymore, Yoongi! I’m sick of this!”
"You're sick of what, Hoseok? I don’t get it.” Yoongi again tried to make his away towards Hoseok, but he never managed to. Hoseok moved backwards again.
“Of course you don't get it, you're Min Yoongi! You're cheating on your girlfriend!” Hoseok snapped, pushing out his arms to keep Yoongi away from him. “I can't stand you coming here and using me for sex when your girlfriend won't give! I can't just be your last resort, Yoongi.”
“Hoseok listen, I know it sounds off-”
“If it sounds off then I don't want to hear it! Please just go away! Find someone else's life to ruin.” Hoseok snapped, pushing Yoongi gently to try and coax him to leave.
“You're being dramatic, c’mon. Stop this.” Yoongi grabbed onto Hoseok’s wrist, his fingertips burning into the younger’s skin.
“I’m not being dramatic, I’m being real. Just leave.”
Once Yoongi was gone, Hoseok slid down the wall slowly and pulled his knees to his chest, hugging them roughly and hiding his face in his knees.
ㅡ
Min Yoongi was in a stump. It had been two weeks since Hoseok’s confession and the two hadn't seen or talked to each other, and Yoongi was finding himself craving the other in a different way that he normally did. He missed his smile whenever he opened the door, he missed the way he looked while he slept, he missed his voice and he just generally missed Hoseok.
He ended up being broken up with, Solji was starting to hate how much he had to ‘work’ and thought the two didn't have the spark Yoongi knew they never really had. This gave him time to think, stuck in his friends apartment for a majority of his days.
“Are you even going to help living in the house? Rent is difficult to pay, hyung.” Namjoon whined when he walked into his flat and saw Yoongi lying on the couch, his chin on the arm in a position that looked dreadfully uncomfortable.
“Someday.” Yoongi grumbled in reply, flipping over to lay the back of his neck on the arm to stare at the ceiling. “I’m just thinking.”
“Is it about Hoseok again? You’ve been thinking about him for two weeks, hyung. Just go and see him.” Namjoon slapped the newspaper in his hand off of Yoongi’s forehead, throwing it into the cluttered coffee table with a slap. “Or just get over it. Either works.”
“I don't wanna get over it.” Yoongi muttered, clutching onto the bottom of his (well, technically it was Hoseok’s) t-shirt, which he had been wearing for a few days. No matter how much he wore it, it always seemed to smell like Hoseok. Hoseok smelt like vanilla.
“Then go and see him, oh my gosh.” Namjoon announced through the flat, groaning at his ‘room-mates’ stupidity.
“He won't wanna see me. He hates me, I believe.” Yoongi sat up and pulled his shirt up to cover his nose, closing his eyes at the throbbing in his head.
“Just go.” Namjoon emerged from his room and hoisted Yoongi up, pushing him towards the door. “Go, go, go!”
“Yes sir.” Yoongi muttered with a mock salute, pulling on his shoes as slowly as he could.
ㅡ
It took Yoongi ten minutes of lingering outside of Hoseok’s door to finally let his balled up fist knock on the door. As soon as the deed was done, his heart dropped to his stomach, and his stomach to his intestines. Clattering echoed inside and he let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding, using his free hand to pry the fingers on his other hand apart.
The door flung itself open, and it was safe to say Hoseok looked like shit. His hair was messy and his clothes were crinkled, his apartment floor (from what Yoongi could see) was littered in crisp packets and water bottles. Bags were forming under each of their eyes, and they held eye contact for what felt like at least seven decades.
“Hoseok…” Yoongi muttered, taking a cautious step towards the younger. He took into account that he definitely saw the younger flinch at the movement, letting his actions slow down as he raised his hands to rest on the other’s hips.
“Why are you here?” Hoseok whispered, flinching again when Yoongi closed the door with his foot. “Why aren't you with Solji? Just go home…”
“Home is here,” Yoongi insisted, squeezing Hoseok gently. “Home is here, with you.”
“No, no it's not. You don't like me, Yoongi. You like the thought of me and what I give you.” Hoseok’s hands drifted to clamp over Yoongi’s, attempting to pull him away, but Yoongi’s grip tightened, like he was holding on for dear life.
“I used to think that too!” Yoongi’s voice raised slightly, and he closed his eyes as he took a deep breath. No shouting. “I used to think I just came here because you would give me what I want, what Solji couldn't give me. It turns out it was you that I wanted, not just your body, you, Hoseok-ah.”
An uncomfortable silence folded over the two of them. Yoongi was waiting for a reply, and Hoseok was stood with his hands wrapped around the older’s. Yoongi was finding comfort in this situation, and Hoseok was not.
“I can't, hyung. You’re a cheat, I don't know if I can trust you,” Hoseok whispered as his heart sunk, tightening his hold around the elders hands. “If you weren't, I would have said yes. I really would've. But you're a cheat, and how do I know you won't cheat on me?”
“I can give you my word. I know that probably won’t be enough but it is the best I can do. You just need to trust me. I don't want you to be anybody else's, Hoseok, and God, if I can be yours I don't wanna be anybody else's,” Yoongi pulled the younger closer, wrapping his arms completely around him and pressing their sticky foreheads together. “I know I was a dickhead with Solji, I do, but I can't see a future without you in it, not anymore.”
“Yoongi, please. You're making this harder than it should be,” Hoseok bit down on his lip and pulled at the older’s arms, trying to pry them away. “I can't.”
“You can! Please, Hoseok! One chance!” Yoongi pleaded, tightening his grip and pulling Hoseok flush against him, hiding his face in his neck. “I-I can't lose you.”
“You have to.”
“No! No!” Yoongi almost sobbed, squeezing his eyes shut with all of his might. He simply refused to give in, pushing them backwards until he had Hoseok caged against the wall, gripping onto him like a panda to a tree. “Please, Hoseok!”
“Yoongi…” Hoseok whispered, a hand smoothing through his hair gently. Yoongi visibly relaxed under his touch, a deep breath panning across Hoseok’s neck. His hand stroked patterns into Hoseok’s back, a quiet choking sound escaping him.
“Don't leave me alone, not again.” Yoongi whispered, and Hoseok’s walls crumbled before him.
He moved his hands from his head to his neck, cupping it gently and moving it away so that he could see him, his slightly puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. Without really thinking about the consequences, he pushed himself forward and pressed a hesitant kiss to the side of Yoongi’s mouth. A quiet chuckle left his mouth when he saw the startled look in his eyes and the gummy grin spread across his face.
“I’m not saying that I trust you, not completely,” Hoseok whispered against Yoongi’s mouth, cheekily biting at the older’s bottom lip. “But I can say that I can give you a chance, gradually.”
“Thank God.” Yoongi pressed his lips fully against Hoseok’s, taking in the way he tasted, properly this time. Embracing the way his hands felt digging into the younger’s sides, dwelling in the feeling of gentle circles being drawn into his skin from tanned hands. He payed close attention to the way he moved, the way that he smelt so strongly like vanilla, the way his hair panned out over his forehead and simply how Hoseok was as a whole.
It was so much better than Solji.
“How come you came back?” Hoseok whispered, his hand sneaking under Yoongi’s shirt to paint scribbles into his back.
“Because it's you, Hoseok. It’s always been you. It just took for you to be gone for me to notice.” Yoongi muttered against his skin, his hands interlacing against Hoseok’s back.
“It’s weird. I’ve liked you for a while, I hated seeing you leave,” Hoseok spoke a bit louder this time, his drawing stopping as he continued. “I despised watching you go back to her.”
“I learned that I despised leaving you to go back to her.” Yoongi pressed his palms into Hoseok, sighing gently into the curve between his neck and his shoulder.
“It took you long enough.” Hoseok teased and moved the older back to kiss him.
“Is that my shirt?” Hoseok muttered against Yoongi’s lips, and a small, sheepish grin spread across the other’s face.
“I missed you.” He admitted, and Hoseok's heart thumped.
“God, I missed you too.” Hoseok whispered, and Yoongi had never felt more at home.