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Dear diary,
I'm sorry for not keeping our promise. But I couldn't write to you yesterday. I didn't sleep at home. I met with an old friend. It was my underclassman from high school, Naegi Makoto-kun. I wouldn't say we reunited in a good way (But I didn't have sex with him, I only kissed him multiple times). We slept together in a hotel (I swear, it was only to keep him safe. He was drunk), then we exchanged phone numbers and e-mails.
He looked cute
That's all. I hope that's enough for me to not mistake it as a one-night stand.
Good night!
Signed,
A frantic Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
I bought more pills today. The doctor said I need to take more of them. It's getting more painful. I wish I could just die. I tried. I tried my best, diary. I still can't die no matter what.
On another note, I told Hinata-kun about my reunion with Naegi-kun. He joked about a chance of finding love. Maybe he's right. I'm going to try asking him out.
Good night.
Signed,
A miserable, yet anticipative Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
Naegi-kun accepted the offer. I'm happy. I invited him to a café. It's famous for its desserts. I don't like sweets, but I hope he does. Do you think he'd like it, diary? He would, wouldn't he?
Hinata-kun was pretty shocked when I told him. I think he's pursuing someone too. He wouldn't tell me though.
Good night! I can't wait until tomorrow!
Signed,
An excited and sleepless Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
It was fun! Naegi-kun loved it! Unfortunately, I couldn't get anything apart from coffee, but he liked the strawberry cupcakes! He said that they were his favourites (I'll note that. I could bake him some).
Oh and we kissed again (It's my first real kiss). His lips were warm and sweet. I wish I could kiss him again…
Ironic, isn't it? I only realized what love felt like at the age of twenty-one. Most people I know fell in love in high school. I was too late.
I could talk to you about all of what happened all night, but my doctor said I should sleep properly. Good night.
Signed,
A giddy Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
After seven dates, I finally asked him. He accepted. I'm officially in a relationship with Naegi-kun. I'm thinking of asking him to move in too. What do you think about that? It might be difficult, but we'll get used to it.
I'm a bit scared. I don't want him to leave me for my illness, so I won't tell him. I should hide my medicine too.
Goodnight.
Signed,
A worried, yet happy Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
As you know, it's been a week since Naegi-kun moved in. He's getting used to the place already. He likes looking around. He found some of my photos as a child. It was embarrassing. It sure is embarrassing, to hear someone cooing over a photo of you in the past. He seemed overjoyed, at least.
Good night (Don't forget, you have to see them by the end of the month).
Signed,
A flustered Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
I sneaked out of the house without Naegi-kun's knowledge today. I had an appointment. The doctor said my dementia wasn't getting any better. For the first time, I was concerned. I wonder what will happen once I die. How would he feel if I died? It makes me feel sick.
I came home to him, hugging me tightly. I couldn't tell him. I'm scared. What should I do?
Good night.
Signed,
An anxious Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
We decided to move on to another step. You could say that we finally had sex. I was scared. I didn't want to do it at first. I thought I'll mess something up. Naegi-kun assured me I wouldn't. It was my first time. No one ever touched me like that. He was so gentle.
I'm in slight pain, but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt next time. I'm mostly tired, rather than in severe pain.
Good night (I realized that I love him so much, diary).
Signed,
An exhausted Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
I visited them today. Naegi-kun was with me too. I feel a bit bad. I know I haven't been visiting them a lot, but it's difficult. I miss them, I wish they could see me now. I wish they didn't have to die so early. I miss my parents, diary. It slowly kills me.
We didn't talk much. He just reassured me it was alright. I wondered if my luck would kill him.
Good night (Please keep him safe).
Signed,
A paranoid Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
Naegi-kun took me to his home. He probably thought I was depressed about my family, so he decided to make me feel like I had another family. His parents were nice. His sister, Komaru-chan, possibly didn't seem really accepting so far. Hopefully we can get along in the future.
I feel a bit better now, having him by my side makes me happy.
Good night (I love him).
Signed,
A composed Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
We've been together for five months. I decided we should use the first-name basis. Naegi-kun liked the idea too. Hearing him say 'Nagito' made me blush (Because it was him), and I only replied with a quiet 'Makoto-kun'. He laughed, it sounded beautiful. He might be my soulmate, diary.
I'm not sure if I even believe in that though.
Good night! (I might be the happiest person alive)
Signed,
An overjoyed Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
We've been together for a year at this point. We ate out, at an expensive restaurant. It might be too early, but I asked Makkun to marry me. Well… not exactly asked but rather than promised him to. I asked him if he was willing to marry me, and he smiled and said that he'd love that. I put the ring in his finger, and he panicked a bit, but it was just a promise.
I'm going to propose to him properly, don't worry! It's just a promise! He might change his mind, so I'm giving him time to think.
Good night! (I wonder how our wedding would be)
Signed,
A dreamy Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
I feel like I messed up something. Makkun found out about my disease. We had to go to the hospital together, because he was worried. He was angry, about me not telling him. I just didn't want him to leave me. I feel bad. It's my fault. I wish he wouldn't leave me like that. I'm so scared. I'm so scared. I'm so scared.
Signed,
A panicking Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
Things aren't getting better. He's getting worse. It's my fault. He told me he didn't want me to die. If I told him from the very beginning that I was going to die, he might have had a different reaction. I don't want to die. I really don't want to die. I'm happy. Why did I have to find happiness at the moment death was so close? I wonder…
Good night (Makkun looks less broken when he's asleep, here's a photo.)
Signed,
A worried Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
It's getting worse for him. I decided to assign him a therapist. It'd make him feel better, won't it? If Makkun went to a therapist, I would feel less guilty about making him unstable. Maybe I shouldn't have asked him out, after all. But I think it'd turn out better. He can probably smile again and he wouldn't be as angry as he is now.
Good night (I hope Makkun forgives me).
Signed,
An uneasy Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
I realized something. Makkun didn't speak to me ever since he went to see the therapist. He doesn't sleep with me either. He seems so far away. I wonder if the therapist tried to make him feel so guilty for hurting me.
That might be the case. I don't really trust therapists. I've never liked my old one.
From now on, I'm going to take care of him by myself.
Good night (I'm going to do alright).
Signed,
An upset, yet confident Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
It's only us together. No one knows about our current state. I have many scars; ones I gave to myself, and ones Makkun gave me. I don't mind that though, considering he can't help it (He also apologizes). Today, he cried into my shirt and asked me, "Will everything going to be okay?" I nodded and answered, "You're going to be fine." With a broken smile, he asked "What about you?" I couldn't answer him.
I didn't want to lie. I was going to die. I couldn't lie to him about it.
Good night (I don't want to die).
Signed,
A panic-stricken Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
Makkun's gone. I can't find him anywhere. He left me, he left me, he left me. I tried to look for him, I called him but he's not answering. Hinata-kun said he didn't see him, Kirigiri-san said she didn't see him, he's not even at his parents' home. I wonder what I did wrong. I wonder why he left me. Is he scared of commitment? Does he not want me around anymore?
It doesn't matter. I just want him to be safe. I know he can't control himself yet, I don't want him to get hurt. Please don't let him get hurt.
Signed,
A frightened Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
He's back! Makkun is back! I heard a knock on the door, and he was standing there. It wasn't a delusion. I couldn't handle it. I started crying. I can't remember crying like that diary. I can't remember the last time I cried like that. He's fine. He said he was only feeling guilty. I can't stop crying, diary. I'm happy, but I'm still so sad. I'm still upset, but I'm feeling so delighted. I wonder what you would call this feeling. It's so bittersweet.
Good night (The last few days have been so cold).
Signed,
A _______ Komaeda Nagito, who is still sobbing
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Dear diary,
Sometimes I wonder why life is unfair to Makkun. He's strong, he tries his best, he suffers, he suffers, he suffers, then tries his best. For some reason, it feels unfair. I don't even suffer that much anymore. I wonder if it's because I'm dying. Maybe when Makkun dies, he'd stop suffering. I hope so. Hey, diary… Why does he have to suffer like that? Can I do anything to stop his suffering?
I'd do anything (except killing him), so please tell me.
Good night (He's so angelic when he sleeps).
Signed,
A dwelling Komaeda Nagito
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Dear diary,
Being covered in someone's blood isn't a good feeling, but I'm sure you know how it feels like. I'll just be sure to tell you what happened. A car hit him, it was too violent that some of his cuts re-opened. He's dead now, he lost too much blood, the doctors said he lasted longer than expected. You know… Nagito was so lucky. I feel bad, he never got to tell you about it all, and now I have to tell you about it.
I wish I could tell you more, but it's unfair. You're his, not mine.
And so, Komaeda Nagito is dead. He wouldn't write anything again, he wouldn't spill his feelings on paper again.
I loved him diary, I really did.
Good night (and goodbye).
Signed,
A grief-stricken Naegi-Komaeda Makoto