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Jackson doesn’t consider himself an insecure person. He is realistic. Realistic about his looks, realistic about his intelligence, realistic about the likelihood of ever ending up with someone like Jaebum.
He is realistic.
Which is why he’s so confused when Jaebum asks him out over a cup of coffee and a green tea.
“Hm?” He responds, still half way through his story about running into his old dongsaeng from fencing that he almost misses it.
“Do you want to go out for dinner with me?” Jaebum repeats, voice low and smooth and if Jackson hadn’t gotten to know him well over the past few years he’d think he was confident. But Jaebum’s hands are fiddling with the napkin he had used to mop up a little bit of coffee he spilled and his eyes are unblinking as if he’s worried if he closes his eyes for a mere moment Jackson will run for the door.
“Dinner?” Jackson repeats, trying not to make a fool of himself by reading too far into the question. Jackson knows better. He’s learnt from his mistakes. “Should we invite Youngjae? I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“No.”
Jaebum’s voice is gruff, almost choked and if Jackson could he would tell his heart off for the way it’s rhythm spikes suddenly.
“No Jackson I just want to have dinner with you,” Jaebum pauses, seeming to find the strength to put down the napkin he’s now ripped to shreds and he forces Jackson’s eye. “On a date.”
“Oh,” Jackson flushes at how loud his response is, drawing the attention of those in the table across from them and he wishes they’d picked the booth rather than the table right by the door. People coming in and out could all listen to him embarrass himself with his attempt to stay calm. “Are you sure?”
He would groan at his own stupidity, an old saying about looking a gift horse in the mouth ringing through his head, but Jaebum dates the fashion students who work part time as models just to help them pay for their lavish holidays. Jaebum dates the star medicine students who are there on academic scholarships but somehow still manage to look gorgeous running an entire semester on only 6 hours sleep and an energy drink. Jaebum dates the Marks and Hanis of the world.
And Jackson is realistic.
He knows he doesn’t fit into that category.
Jaebum is staring at him, words hovering on his lips and eyebrows drawn together in a question but Jackson interrupts him before he can speak anyway. Every moment of silence just makes the anxiety swirling in his gut even more unbearable.
“Is this because Jinyoungie was going on about me not putting myself out there enough? Because I’ve been busy okay, and my love life is not any of his business. Who cares if I haven’t been seeing anyone in a while anyway, romance is not the most important thing in the world-“
“Jackson if you don’t want to go to dinner you can just say it, trying to convince me to take the words back isn’t particularly nice,” Jaebum states, frustration and disappointment seeping in his tone and Jackson freezes.
“Oh- oh!” The people in the opposite table look over again and Jackson really thinks they need to pick another coffee shop for their weekly, post lecture vent session. It’s not his fault though. He was expecting a warm mug of tea, maybe one of the macarons always on display by the register, and a catch up with Jaebum. This was a regularly scheduled event. It was in his planner for goodness sake. He doesn’t know what on Earth has lead to this drastic change of plans. “You really want to go on a date with me?”
Jaebum blinks once, twice, before speaking, “Yes.”
“Really?” He can’t help it, disbelief colouring his tone and Jaebum frowns.
“Yes Jackson.”
“Oh,” He takes a sip of his tea, luke warm from sitting untouched so long and he feels his skin flush under Jaebum’s undivided attention. “So where are you gonna take me, honey bun?”
The shredded napkin he gets thrown into his cup is worth it. He wasn’t going to finish his tea anyway.
***
The date is a little weird.
“It’s not that weird,” Jaebum complains.
“It’s a little weird!” Jackson shrieks, thankful this time Jaebum had steered them to a booth and out of other patron’s sight. He settles once more, eyes racing through the menu before he heaves out a sigh. “Since when do you even want to date me? You can’t just spring this on me and not expect me to be thrown!”
Jaebum is playing with the corner of his menu and Jackson whines at him until he lets out a shrug, “I don’t know.” He sighs. “Not too long, I mean I sort of always knew I felt a little different about you, even when we were just acquaintances, but I haven’t exactly been throwing the idea around for a long time and losing sleep over it.”
Jackson feels a little deflated, sitting back in his seat and he tries to school his expression into something more opaque. “Oh, okay.”
Jaebum looks up in confusion at his hollow words, eyes cutting through his façade too easily, “No!” He groans. “It’s not like that that’s not what I meant-“
“No no it’s okay,” Jackson assures him. Jackson is realistic. He was always prepared for something like this. “You were just a little curious so you asked me out. Completely understandable.”
He wonders how long the dinner will last before he can find an excuse to return back to his dorm and bury himself in his blankets until his chest doesn’t feel so achey and his stomach stops turning in embarrassment. It wouldn’t take long, he hoped. Jaebum was a nice guy, a loyal friend, and it would be a real shame if Jackson lost him because he wasn’t able to handle a little heartache.
“That’s not why I asked you out,” Jaebum stops his thoughts before they can go any further. Jackson isn’t sure whether it’s a blessing or a curse just yet. “I like you Jackson.”
Jackson blinks.
“I know that I like you,” Jaebum clears his throat. “I just haven’t been pining from afar for months and months- that’s all I mean. I’m not one to wait around. If I want to be with someone and I think we have a good chance of being happy together then I’ll ask them.”
Jackson takes a big sip of his water.
“So, I’m asking you now,” Jaebum prods.
“Asking me what?”
“Do you feel the same way,” Jaebum requests, before he reconsiders. “Or do you at least think you could feel the same way back. I understand this is seeming a little sudden to you-“
“No no-“ Jackson laughs nervously, hand scratching the back of his neck in a frustrating but unavoidable habit. “I like you too.”
Jaebum’s smile is worth the embarrassment Jackson feels in his gut at his clumsiness.
“I’ve just liked you for a while,” He admits, thankful when he sees the server making her way towards them.
It's an awkward topic and he would like to avoid lingering on it.
Jackson knows he crushes too often and too easily. He's pretty sure he was born pansexual just so he would suffer more because of his potential to crush on anyone, rather than just any one gender. Nobody is safe from his crushes. No matter how much he tries to prevent them. He really can't help it, it's not like he sets out to grow these little stubborn attachments to people who have been nice to him once or twice, he just warms easily under affection.
But his crush on Jaebum has progressed a little further than usual. It has been going on much longer than say, his crush on Mark. His crush on his best friend, that had began upon their first meeting when the grad student had offered him a space at his table in the too crowded library, had lasted about as long as it took for Mark to break their snapstreak. So it wasn't any longer than a week. His crush on Jaebum... Well it's being a little more persistent.
“You never told me,” Jaebum says, almost a question.
Jackson shrugs, “I never expected you’d feel the same way about someone like me.”
The question on Jaebum’s lips is never heard as they’re interrupted by the server, meals and drinks ordered, and with the facilitator of food between them they find themselves back in their comfort zone.
Jaebum eats so much food he gets a stomach ache and Jackson laughs at him until his soda comes out of his nose. Jaebum tells him he deserves it for taking pleasure in his suffering and Jackson tells Jaebum he’s going to buy him pregnancy pants for their next date. Jaebum has a happy grin on his face at the mention of their next date and Jackson shivers at the way his heart jumps in his chest.
***
“Green or red?” Jackson asks again, humour in his tone and Jaebum groans in frustration.
“Green?” He watches Jackson’s expression shift into an unimpressed one. “Oh no! Red?”
Jackson shakes his head, tsking at his failure and he puts down his phone, “Neither.” Jaebum’s mouth opens in disbelief. “It was a trick question- my real favourite colour is black.”
“Black? That isn’t even a colour it’s a shade! You’re cheating,” Jaebum accuses, reaching for his phone and scrolling to the next question. “Oh there’s no way you’ll get this right about me. Favourite movie.”
“Die Hard,” Jackson replies without batting an eyelash and Jaebum almost knocks over his coffee in shock. “Please- give me a challenge.”
It’s been a month.
A month of dinner dates, coffee dates and Jaebum’s personal favourite date- couch dates. They are both exhausted after a draining block of exams, excited for the Christmas break but blindly ignoring the workload that was still to come after it.
Jackson is supposed to be leaving for Hong Kong in two days and Jaebum’s mother has already called three times to check he’s getting the train to Goyang that same morning, so he’s a little bit thrilled to spend time together when Jaebum drags him along to coffee straight after their final exams. Even if he’s so exhausted that the only thing keeping him awake is pure will power and Jaebum’s presence.
Jaebum however, either has less will power or doesn’t care as much for Jackson’s presence, because he’s almost fully through a triple shot coffee and he still has managed to yawn five times.
Jackson doesn’t let it get to him. He’s realistic. Jaebum has had eight hours sleep in the past 48 hours and even if Jackson’s presence is dull and he’s no longer interested in spending time with him, Jaebum will be up front with him and probably dump him soon rather than string him along.
Which would hurt, Jackson knows, but it would be better than investing more time into someone who doesn’t care about him. Jackson’s all too familiar with people like that.
He really likes Jaebum. He makes him laugh. He willingly puts up with Jackson's rambling and he even offers in comments every now and then. He still makes his nerves buzz with anxiety but it's in a good way. It's not just a crush anymore.
He's honestly questioning how long it's been since it really was a crush. He worries it wasn't long after they met, Jaebum the handsome roommate of a friend, who he met at a party before Jaebum was whisked away by a crowd of people Jackson had never met before. It wasn't long after he bumped into Jackson outside of a lecture hall, greeting him with a quirked eyebrow and a quiet "Ah you're Jinyoung's friend, right?"
Jackson hasn’t felt more than a crush for someone in a while. It’s simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating.
“How do you know all of these facts about me?” Jaebum groans. “I feel like I know nothing about you, but you’re always talking.”
It’s not an insult, not from his lips. “I guess I’m just the better boyfriend,” Jackson says without thinking. “That and I get Jinyoung to tell me all the gossip about you when you’re not back from classes yet.”
“What was that?” Jaebum questions, his tone low and expression completely undecipherable.
“I get Jinyoung to tell me all your dirty, darkest secrets,” Jackson says easily. “He’s all too happy to. You know I really think you should buy those snoring strips he always mentions before he goes too many days without a good night’s sleep, snaps and ends up killing you.”
“Unlikely,” Jaebum shakes his concern off, a little amusement in his tone that makes Jackson's stomach squeeze. “But that wasn’t what I was referring to- what did you say before that?”
“That I’m the better… Uh-“ Jackson bites his lip, searching his mind for any possible word to fill the gap and hide his faux pas. They hadn’t ever had this conversation. Jackson was pretty sure they weren’t even exclusive, not that that made any difference to him of course- nobody was lining up at his door- but it meant Jaebum wasn’t obliged to him in any way apart to pay for their food every second date.
“Boyfriend,” Jaebum finishes for him and the smirk is full blown by now, a glint in his eye that’s full of danger and all too tempting. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
“Pssh what?” Jackson laughs it off, slightly hysterical in his denial. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
Jaebum’s head tilts, “We don’t have to be if you don’t want to.”
Jackson heart can’t take any more. He wants to glue his lips together until the end of time so he can’t make any more slip ups like this. It would impend his kissing but Jackson’s pretty sure if he’s allowed to speak any more Jaebum won’t want to kiss him anyway. He bites down on his tongue to keep himself silent.
“But I would like it if we were.”
Jackson really doesn’t understand what alternate reality he’s living in, where Im Jaebum, his friend, crush, coffee dater, wants to be in a relationship with him. A real one.
“With me?”
Jaebum nods.
“Exclusively?”
Jaebum squirms at that and Jackson’s heart rate settles, despite the sadness blooming in his chest. He’s realistic. He knows this makes sense. Jaebum wants a guy to call his boyfriend but doesn’t really want all the clinginess and attached strings. Jackson doesn’t blame him. If he looked like that and was that adept in charming whomever he wanted he would probably feel the same way.
“If you’d be fine with that,” It almost comes out as a question, and Jackson is thrown by that. “I should be honest with you I don’t know how well I’d do with you seeing other people but… If that’d make you happy I’m sure we could work something out. And maybe one day you’d be comfortable enough to just be with me?”
“What?” Jackson chokes on his tongue for a moment, scatterbrained and shuffling through his thoughts quickly. “So you want to be with me? Just me?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re telling me if I want to date other people and be your boyfriend you’d be okay with that?”
“To an extent,” Jaebum says awkwardly, hands running through his hair. “I’m not saying I want to see you with other people and hear about your other dates I’m just saying- I want to be with you as much as you’ll let me right now.”
“Oh Jaebum,” Jackson sighs. “Firstly I don’t think anyone else has even looked at me in over a year and secondly I’d have to be stupid to want to date anyone else if I can have you.”
Jaebum flushes and it’s the most mesmerising thing Jackson’s ever seen, “So boyfriends? Exclusively?”
“Exclusive boyfriends,” Jackson agrees with a giggle, reaching across the table and appeased when Jaebum interlocks their fingers. “We sound like we’re for sale. ‘Get your exclusive boyfriends here! Only available-‘”
Jackson’s voice acting is interrupted by Jaebum leaning over the small table and pressing a short, soft and sweet kiss to his lips.
“Exclusive boyfriends.”
Jackson forgets what he was saying, a slight whine slipping from his lips as Jaebum leans away and settles back into his seat. He runs his tongue along lip lower lip and Jackson's mind my melt out of his ears soon. He wonders if he can taste Jackson’s tea the way he can the lingering hint of Jaebum’s coffee.
“So,” He clears his throat, trying for some semblance of composure while his brain is going through a complete reboot and his heart is bursting from his ribcage. “I really haven’t packed as much as I should have-“
Jaebum’s eyebrows jump up, nodding, “Oh you need to get going-“
“Want to come over and help?” Jackson cuts him off, flushing at the way Jaebum’s eyebrow tweaks and trying to stave off the growing nerves in his stomach.
“Oh,” Jaebum pauses. “Oh.”
“But if you’re busy-“
“No,” Jaebum smiles, tone a little to knowing and Jackson feels that familiar shiver run up his spine again. “No I’d love to come over.”
“And help me pack,” Jackson proposes, tone weak and a little unconvincing if he’s honest with himself.
“Sure.”
Jackson isn’t completely sure whether he’s just made the worst or the best decision of his life.
***
Jaebum turns out to be great at packing, much to Jackson’s chagrin. He’s got all of Jackson’s coziest jumpers packed away in his suitcase, socks tucked inside his spare shoes and Jackson has to practically leap across the room to stop him before he turns to the drawer containing his underwear.
“That’s okay!” Jackson says shrilly, pushing Jaebum towards the bed to take a seat as he opens the drawer just enough to pull out some pairs and hurriedly tucks them in his bag and zips it closed. He lets out a heavy sigh, knowing he’ll still have to pack away his toiletries the morning he leaves, but he’s content with his progress. Even if Jaebum had done 90% of the work. “So what do you wanna do? We could watch something…”
His voice trails off as he turns around to find Jaebum reclined on his bed, leaning back against the headboard with one arm tucked behind his head. Jackson decides he needs to stop spending time with Jaebum if he wants to have any ounce of self-esteem left.
“Um.”
Jaebum tilts his head, a question Jackson isn’t sure he wants to understand in their unbroken eye contact.
He is realistic.
He knows he’s been steadfastly ignoring the tension in the room since Jaebum followed him inside, the anxiety in his stomach at the prospect of him coming into this space with their new… Status. Boyfriends. Boyfriends who are probably expected to do more than just occasionally engage in strictly PG-13 kisses on the couch and hold hands as they walk to class.
But also… Jackson is realistic. And Jaebum has dated more than he has. Jaebum has the face, and the body and Jaebum is the type of person to attract every single person at the party. Jackson is the type of person who gets told he’s a great shoulder to cry on and “they just can’t see him in that way because they’re such good friends”. Jackson doesn’t mind really, he’s not the douchebag entitled guy tweeting about being stuck in the ‘friendzone’ and spiteful at people for wanting to be his friend. But it sort of complicates things when he’s in university and trying to pursue a relationship with someone who outranks him in almost every aspect of previous romantic experience.
Fuck.
“So what do you want to do?” He gulps out.
“Jackson-ah, please come over here before I feel embarrassed for both of us,” Jaebum requests plainly and Jackson swallows down the lump building in his throat.
“Embarrassed?” Jackson’s feet move regardless of his better instincts, taking him to the side of his mattress and dropping down to sit on it. “Why would you be embarrassed?”
Jaebum winces, rubbing his hand through his hair and Jackson can’t help but enjoy not being the only awkward one, “Because you invited me over to help you pack and I speed packed everything in fifteen minutes so we can have time to make out before my caffeine hit goes away and I fall asleep on you.”
Jackson can’t hold in his cackle, flushing softly when Jaebum joins him in laughter, “If you fall asleep on me I think I’m doing something wrong.”
Jaebum shrugs, “Impossible.”
Jackson yells, shoving a hand at his stomach and laughing when Jaebum’s eyebrows pinch together in surprise, “Stop being so greasy!”
“Stop hitting me!” Jaebum yells back, catching his hand and trapping it against his chest. “I came here for kisses not to be attacked!”
“You’ll get what you deserve!” Jackson cries out in response, climbing over him and trying valiantly to pull his hand free. He feels a bit like it’s the sword Excalibur and there’s nothing he can do to pull it free, crying out in defeat and falling back to sit on Jaebum’s thighs still with his arm caught tight. “You’re not getting kisses if you don’t stop bullying me and let go of my arm.”
Jaebum stops almost immediately, Jackson’s hand released and he almost falls backwards without his hold. Jackson’s laughter catches in his throat when Jaebum sits up, face stopping only inches from his to grin at him.
“So?”
“So?” Jackson echoes, struggling valiantly to keep his eyes from dropping down to Jaebum’s lips. He really can’t help it. They’re soft and pink and from the few encounters Jackson has had with them, he knows they’re pretty damn talented.
“How long do you think we have until your roommate gets back?”
Jackson eyes flicker between the door and the bed opposite them, he hums to himself as he considers Jooheon’s schedule, and grins.
“At least half an hour,” Jaebum beams. “Think I can keep you awake that song?”
Jaebum pretends to contemplate it, eyes squinting closed in fake thought, before he shrugs. “We’ll see how you go.”
Then he leans in and Jackson forgets both his witty retort and the panic in his stomach at the feeling of Jaebum’s lips parting against his.
**
“So I’m heading home again for my mom’s birthday…” Jaebum says it so casually Jackson doesn’t even look up from where he’s typing. He’s halfway through a very important serious email to his professor and he’s already rewritten it three times. He doesn’t know why he bothers, the man is probably just going to reply with a three word reply and emojis.
“Cool,” He considers the last line. Regards? Did that come across as dismissive? Yours truly just sounded odd to him. He wasn’t his professor’s. Maybe he should just stick to thank you? Keep it nice and simple.
“Jackson?” Jaebum pauses and Jackson hears him sigh. “Jackson do you want to come?”
Jackson looks up, pen stuck between his lips and attempts to talk around it, “To what?”
He’s unsure exactly what Jaebum is talking about. If he considers it objectively it’s a little apparent but, if he considers it logically it’s a bit… Unrealistic.
They’ve never exactly told people about them.
Mark has a vague idea of it. He was turned down for a game night one too many times with no excuse before he turned up at the dorms with a quirked brow and 101 questions. Unfortunately for both he and Jackson, the only person there to answer the door was Jooheon and his roommate didn’t exactly keep Jackson’s location a secret.
Jinyoung worked it out eventually too. Jackson wasn’t sure what did it. He wasn't sure if it was the frequency with which he returned home to Jaebum and Jackson sitting slightly too close on the sofa, or the fact that Jaebum’s phone was always buzzing with updates on his day or pictures of cute animals, but Jinyoung just suddenly began referring to Jackson as “Jaebum’s boyfriend.”
Jackson knew he probably should have been a little annoyed, he was his own person thank you very much, but any outrage was overwhelmed by the way the words made him flush.
But they were the only ones who knew. Youngjae didn’t even know. They had even gone out to lunch with him and Jaebum had sat opposite Jackson rather than beside him. It stung a little, any other time Jaebum had no issue sitting beside him, but Jackson could understand his apprehension. The only thing that had soothed the ache in his chest was the way Jaebum hooked his ankle around his, sending Jackson a shy smile when he looked over. But that was it.
They are still in the early days, only a couple months in, and Jackson knows better than anyone how his relationships don’t always end up well. It makes sense for Jaebum to be apprehensive in announcing it to the world.
Which is why it’s so confusing when Jaebum wrinkles his eyebrows and juts out his bottom lip. Jackson’s eyes catch on it, caught in a thought about how tempting it was to lean over and nip at it, when Jaebum pinches his arm.
“Ow!” He laptop almost slides from his lap and he shoots Jaebum a glare. “Why would you do that?”
Jaebum just glares back, each of them as stubborn as each other and bites out the words, “I just asked if you wanted to come home with me”
“Oh,” The very idea of such a question confounds him. “Why?”
“Because I thought you might want to meet my parents!”
Jackson mouths wordlessly for a moment, before settling back on his same question. It’s safe, and familiar, and he’s honestly very very confused. “Why?”
Jaebum doesn’t seem to appreciate it. He mutes the television and shoots Jackson a frown. “I thought it’d be nice for you to meet my family? And since I can’t meet yours with them back in Hong Kong I thought it’d be good for you to meet mine.”
They stare at each other, both obstinate and frustrated, until a question slips from Jackson’s lips without his permission. “Why would you want me to meet your parents? I thought we were keeping this quiet?”
As soon as he says the words he wishes he could take them back. Jaebum looks away from him and doesn’t seem inclined to look back. He’s silent for far too long. Jackson has the distinct impression he's made a mistake.
“You wanted that. Not me.”
The words are so unexpected, so illogical, that Jackson stares at him for a long minute like he’s just started speaking in Swahili.
“What?”
“You were the one who wants to keep this quiet! I was just following your lead.”
“But…” What is even happening. Jackson closes his laptop and set it aside to send the email later. “I never said I wanted that?”
Jackson’s not stupid. Why would he want to be hiding the fact he was dating someone about 3km out of his league. Jackson would be shouting it from the rooftops if he thought he could.
But Jaebum didn’t tell their friends. He didn’t sit with him. He shifted out from his touches in public and Jackson gradually put two and two together and learnt to keep it contained.
Jackson is… Realistic. He is a little bit bitter, even more sad, but mostly just realistic. Jaebum is too good for him and Jackson can understand someone not wanting to tell everyone about them.
He has to shove down at the little voice inside of his head, that one reminding him what happens when people keep relationships silent for the sake of pursuing other people on the side. He knows Jaebum. Jaebum might be too good for him, but Jaebum wouldn’t do that to him. He knows that.
“I thought you didn’t want to tell people about us?” The words are soft as they leave his mouth but Jaebum clearly hears them.
“Why would I…” Jaebum’s response trails off, a frown settling on his face and suddenly Jackson has a hand pulling on his arm. “Come here.”
He moves easily, always finding himself becoming putty in Jaebum’s hands, and breathes out a heavy sigh when Jaebum tucks him against his chest.
His ear rests against Jaebum’s throat, listening to the heavy thud of his heartbeat as Jaebum thinks.
“When are you going to stop thinking you’re not good enough for me?”
The words hurt and Jackson isn’t sure why.
They shouldn’t, there’s no malice or insult in them, but hearing Jaebum acknowledge the worry he’s been carrying with him for months makes his chest ache.
It’s a weakness, he knows. But he can’t help it.
“I’m just being realistic-“
“Aish-“ Jaebum cuts him off and Jackson frowns against his neck. “You’re not being realistic. Because if you were being realistic you’d see how silly you’re being.”
Jackson tries to move then, already feeling small and vulnerable without the added hurt of being called silly. But Jaebum stops him with an arm tugging him closer and onto his lap. There’s nowhere to look, nowhere to avoid Jaebum’s eyes and he heaves out a heavy breath.
“Don’t call me silly.”
Jaebum runs a hand over his hair, tousling it gently before he rests his palm against Jackson’s neck. It’s a heavy weight, warm and comforting, and Jackson feels so weak with how gently Jaebum is touching him.
“You’re not silly,” There’s a moment where Jackson thinks Jaebum is going to end it there. If he’s going to slide off of Jaebum’s lap and return to his email and Jaebum’s going to turn the television back on and they’ll continue on with this overhanging raincloud of insecurity and discomfort, but then Jaebum speaks again. “I’m crazy about you.”
Jackson’s chest constricts and he lets his eyes fall down to Jaebum’s forearm, stretched between them, as he struggles to look at Jaebum.
“You’re the one who’s too good for me,” Jaebum huffs out a heavy breath and Jackson feels it brush against his face. It should be uncomfortable, too close and too much, but it just soothes him. “Or no- scratch that. Nobody is too good for anybody.”
Jackson giggles, “Oh so I can’t be too good for you-“
Jaebum groans. “Fine you’re too good for me.” His thumb brushes along Jackson’s jaw and he swallows noisily. “But it doesn’t really matter- all that matters is how we feel about each other.”
Jackson winces, “Gosh if I knew I was going to date a cheeseball I would have bought more crackers-“
Jaebum pinches his shoulder and he yelps, “Jackson-ah…” Jaebum’s voice is almost a sigh and Jackson likes the way it makes his stomach feel. “Are you in this? Do you want to be with me like I do with you?”
Jackson rolls his eyes, “Obviously.”
“So you want to meet my parents?”
Jackson whines at the thought, a small amount of terror gripping him, but he looks down at Jaebum, watching him with concern and a little bit of excitement in his eyes and he shrugs. “Yeah I guess so.”
It’s worth it when Jaebum presses a quick kiss to his lips and pulls him in tight for a hug. It’s almost more personal than a kiss, the pair of them tucked in to tightly together Jackson doesn’t think he could move closer another millimeter. Jaebum hums against his shoulder and Jackson tucks his face into his neck.
“They’re going to love you.”
“How could they not?”
Jackson doesn't hear Jaebum's responding words, muffled against his skin, or see the way he flushes when he realizes what he came so close to confessing.
***
“You need to get out,” Is the greeting that Jackson opens with when Jinyoung opens the door to his and Jaebum’s apartment. “Like, now.”
Jinyoung wrinkles a brow, chews on his mouthful of food and doesn’t look even slightly inclined to move, “Huh?”
“I’ve got a really big surprise for Jaebum so you need to leave.”
Jinyoung gags and Jackson flushes.
“Not in a sexual way you creep!” He shoves past Jinyoung, placing his backpack on the counter and begins to unpack. “I’m ordering his favourite take out and making him dessert and you’re going to ruin my romantic plans if you stay here.”
“You call takeout romantic?” Jinyoung questions dubiously, but heads to his room to grab his basic necessities for the night.
“He’s the one who’s good at cooking meals, okay?” Jackson frowns. “I’m good at sweet things. Dessert is more important anyway.”
Jackson wonders if instead of getting a single sweet tooth Jaebum had been born with a full set. He could inhale a cake like air and Jackson more than once had turned mid-movie to get a piece of candy only to spot Jaebum with a guilty smile and an empty packet in his hand.
“What’s the occasion?” Jinyoung asks, packed and searching for his phone.
Jackson flushes, “It’s our anniversary.”
“What!” Jinyoung tilts his head. “There’s no way it’s been a year.”
He’s right. Frustratingly so. But also, Jackson doesn’t want to admit that he’s making such a big deal out of a six month anniversary and deal with Jinyoung’s teasing.
“It’s not,” He’s short with him, but he figures it’ll only help speed him out the door. “Now go visit Mark and Youngjae and say hi to Coco for me-“
“How did you know where-“
“Bye!”
Jackson returns to unpacking, assembling the dishes on the table and pulling out his already measured ingredients to begin baking. His chest warms at the thought of Jaebum returning home to the scent of fresh baked goodies.
***
It’s not long before it’s been a year. Jaebum graduates, Jackson pouts but attends his ceremony and presents him with a ridiculously large bouquet of flowers. Jaebum accidentally inhales pollen and sneezes in the middle of taking pictures together. He pouts when Jackson wants to get it framed.
Jackson returns to school, Jaebum begins the search for full time work and they keep on going.
“Did you ever think we’d end up like this?” He asks one day, head resting on Jaebum’s stomach as Jaebum skims through vacant job positions on his phone and Jackson skims through a textbook.
“Like what?” Jaebum looks down at him, a smile playing on his lips and Jackson grins. Jaebum smiles a lot lately, like he’s got some little secret in the back of his mind, but Jackson thinks it’s just because he’s happy. He hopes he plays a sizeable role in that happiness.
“Together,” Jackson bites his lip. “In love.”
Jaebum’s smile widens and Jackson rolls his eyes.
“Of course.”
It’s a surprise and he knows his brows are high, “Really? You thought we’d last, from the start?”
Jaebum shrugs and places his phone on the coffee table. “I hoped so.”
Jackson squirms, rolling onto his side and muffling a quiet squeal into Jaebum’s stomach. It shakes with Jaebum’s responding laughter and he feels his heart swell.
“Did you not think we would?” Jaebum isn’t being pointed, there’s nothing beyond curiousity in his words and Jackson knows he’s just seeking an honest response. He could lie, but it just doesn’t seem right.
“I didn’t think we would.”
Jaebum is quiet for a moment and Jackson allows him to be. He has no urgent need to clarify, Jaebum will let him if he needs to.
“Let me guess... You were just-“
“Being realistic,” They echo each other and a quiet laugh leaves Jaebum’s lips.
“I wanted us to last though,” Jackson admits. “I’m glad we have.”
Jaebum hums. “And what do you think now? Are you still being realistic?”
It hovers in the air for a moment or two.
“Yes,” He sits up though, and catches Jaebum’s attention when he slides into his lap. Jaebum mouth is downturned, a soft sadness hiding behind his dark eyes, and Jackson places a soft kiss to the tip of his nose. “I’m being realistic in saying after you- I don’t think anybody else could make me happy.”
“Good.” Jaebum’s voice is petulant and it draws a shocked laugh out of Jackson’s lips.
“We’ll last.”
“We better,” Jaebum frowns. “I would hate for you to be miserable without me.”
Jackson shrieks, pinching his side and taking delight in the way he jumps.
“You jerk!”
“I’m your jerk! Remember that!”
Jackson groans and rests his forehead against Jaebum’s shoulder, shivering at the brush of Jaebum’s breath against his neck.
“I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
“I did warn you, you were out of my league-“
Jaebum’s words are cut off with Jackson’s hand slapping over his mouth, a glare meeting his eyes and he’s about to try and protest again when Jackson’s hand slides away and his lips meet his.
Jackson is almost positive they’re going to last.
He’s just being realistic.