Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Poppy – Day 1

My very first patient is a Papyrus Bitty – a Poppy-type! I actually found him on my own, near a restaurant dumpster. To my surprise, he was actually very relieved by my offer to bring him home with me and help him.

The first thing I did was give him a bath and get some clean clothes on him. (I’ll get him some of his own later, but for now, Bear’s stuff fits him.) When I cleaned up, I noticed there were a few wounds that I patched up as soon as I could. Looking at him now, I’ll catalogue them for my own reference below.

The good thing is that he doesn’t seem sick at all, so he hasn’t contracted any infection. Phew, dodged a bullet there.

He’s got a pretty healthy appetite, too! I’d stocked up on some monster food for patients and my own friends – a few packs of cinnamon bunnies, some MTT-brand meat, a couple crab apples, mini water sausages, a pitcher of Sea Tea, a bag of popato chisps, and a bag of assorted monster candy. (Boy, am I sure glad that monster food never actually expires! :) )So I decided to set some small pieces of everything out for him to try… and he actually tried a little bit of everything! He seems to like the popato chisps the best, because he ate all of those. They were just normal sea salt flavor, so I wonder if he’d like other flavors??

None of my own Bitty friends like the Sea Tea, even though it’s good for them; it wasn’t surprising that Poppy didn’t like it, either. Unfortunately, given the health benefits it provides, I usually have to force it down their throats, and this guy was no exception.

He didn’t fault me for it, though. As a Bitty type who’s naturally talented at healing, he knows that Sea Tea works wonders. Still he wasn’t happy about drinking it, but at least he understood why I had to do it. What a little trouper!

The other three Bitties were great at welcoming him to the house. Blueberry offered to give him a full tour when he was feeling better, Bear showed him to his new cardboard house-room, and Torch warmed up the food for him. Sweethearts, right? I’m soooooo grateful they’re willing to help me with patients. And here I was worrying they might be jealous! Hah. They deserve more credit. <3

Bear and Torch are fast asleep now, in their own rooms. Blueberry looks like he’s gonna be next – he’s sitting on my shoulder and starting to nod off. Poppy looks like he’s trying to stay awake despite being tired. If need be, I have no qualms about staying up with him all night. Gotta make sure he feels safe here, otherwise this wouldn’t be a very good rehab center.

Welcome to a better place, Poppy.

Poppy - Day 2

Over breakfast this morning, Poppy filled me in a bit on what happened to him and where he came from. It's a sad story, so I'm just gonna get down the main details for now.

When he was adopted, it was by an older woman who'd been recently diagnosed with a terminal illness. (Not sure if Poppy doesn't know what she had or if he knows and just doesn't want to talk about it. Either way, I'm not certain on what she was sick with.) Apparently she adopted him in particular because she knew Poppy-types are good healers. From the way he told me, it seems like she was hoping that magic would be able to cure her since medical science couldn't. Poppy told me he did the best healing he could, but his owner - Jewel, I believe he said her name was - still felt sick and wasn't satisfied. The next thing he knew, she'd driven him somewhere, dropped him off, and basically told him to never come back or try to find her again. So he didn't.

Like... it boggles my mind. Bitties are companions, not toys, and they have their own personalities. It's not fair to treat them like they're worthless because they can't or don't want to do what someone wants them to. Ugh. People can be so terrible sometimes.

I did make it totally clear that nothing like that would be expected of him here. The only thing I expect is that he works with me to try and recover from this. Thankfully, when I told him that, he let me know he was more than willing to give it a shot.

I have a lot of hope for this brave little guy. <3

Poppy - Day 7

Guess who's settling in like a champ? Poppy is doing so amazing!

We went to Mama Cry's to get him some nice clothes and a few pieces of furniture for his new room, along with some Bitty-specific snacks. (I have one box at home, but it was a good idea to get more!) Turns out the ones made with banana are his favorites, and most of the clothes he picked out for himself are pink. He modeled a few and he looks absolutely dashing in all of them! He was a bit shy around the staff and the other Bitties in the adoption pen. It was probably just a little stressful for him, the first time out since he arrived.

Once we got back home, he was more than happy to chill out with Blueberry and Bear on the couch until dinnertime. It was cute the way he showed off all his new clothes, too. I think I heard Bear laugh and say "I might end up borrowing that one" or something about one of the shirts. Blueberry was squealing in excitement at each one. There was even a little smile on Torch's face as he helped me cook.

They all get along so well already! I'm so glad Poppy is feeling so secure in the house and around the others. Maybe treating my first patient will be easier than I thought?

Poppy calls me "Doctor" - even though I've told him he can just call me Lauren. It's so sweet.

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Poppy - Day 29

So, I guess I jinxed things when I thought Poppy's recovery would be quick and easy.

When Blueberry got a small cut from helping me in the kitchen, Poppy stepped up and was pretty enthusiastic about healing it for him. It was a nice idea; it would be faster than a bandage or some Sea Tea, and might boost up Poppy's confidence a little. Right? So I gave him the go-ahead, as well as plenty of encouragement.

... He's lost his healing magic.

Or, rather, it's so weak that it barely does anything. His magic wrapped around Blueberry's cut and stopped the bleeding, but didn't actually heal the wound. We were all a little surprised, although none of us were really disappointed. It was just a little scratch! And besides, it's my responsibility to take care of my friends, not Poppy's.

I had to gently wave off Bear to take care of his brother, though, because Poppy had a full-blown anxiety attack. It was awful, watching the poor guy freak out because he felt so useless. He was crying, curled up in a ball, and almost hyperventilating. Rambling about how he couldn't even do the one thing he was supposed to, and he shouldn't be here, and he let down everyone who needed him.

The rest of the night was spent with the whole group on the couch, me holding Poppy against my chest and reminding him that we don't care whether or not he can heal. His only job here is to relax and work on feeling better. I tried to remind him that even though it's okay to feel bad and it's healthy to acknowledge those bad feelings, it doesn't mean they're the truth. It's hard for him to accept that he can't heal anyone, but Poppy eventually calmed down a bit. It seemed to help that I promised him he wasn't going anywhere because of this, and that there are other things he can do to help if someone's hurt, if he really wants to.

He fell asleep snuggled halfway against Blueberry and halfway against me. I'm not sure he's completely convinced that I'm not going to give him the boot; at least we all got him reassured enough that he could sleep, though. After that, he really needs his rest.

Time to actually sit down and strategize some methods to help Poppy out. I made the mistake of forgetting how much he's been through because of the fact that he doesn't seem like he's been through a lot. It won't happen again, though.

As soon as he wakes up, I'll fix him a plate for dinner. No sense waking him now.

Poppy - day 75

It's been a while since I've updated on Poppy's progress, but that's not because he isn't doing well. Actually, quite the contrary - he's been making a good deal of improvement since last time!

Hard to believe it's been almost three months since I found him, huh? Time flies so fast. There are already soooooo many pictures of him on my phone and computer, LOL.

There's not a whole lot to really record, honestly. It's all just been going really well. After last month's incident, Poppy's been able to somewhat adjust to life without his healing magic. It hasn't been easy for him, but because he realized I wasn't letting go of him regardless, it was a bit less of a struggle. He's pretty confident now that he's not gonna get thrown out or told to leave - which is good, since I'd NEVER to anything like that. this little guy is my patient, and he's welcome here for as long as he wants to stay. Judging by how happy he seems to be here, I kind of hope he'll be here for a while. Long enough to become fairly secure in himself, at least.

The issue of his worth, unfortunately… comes up a lot when we’re working one-on-one. It seems like he’s still pretty confused about what he’s worth as a person if he doesn’t have the ability to heal others. He’s content to just exist, here with us, but… he also wants to feel useful. He wants to be useful.

It’s pretty clear to me where it comes from. Poppy-types are known for their nursing skill, and due to that, they’re expected to that good healing magic. The adopters want that of them. A lot of people think Bitties of the same type are, well, exactly the same. Since the Poppy-type Bitties have been engineered and marketed as exceptional healers, they’ve all begun to hold themselves to that standard. Predictably, not meeting that standard (being unable to heal, having weak healing magic, having a less-than-stellar bedside manner, or simply not being interested in healing) can create an identity crisis. For example, they might think, “If I’m not a healer, then what am I?”

I’ll have to do more research on techniques for that; I think, though, the most effective solution will be finding another way he can help heal, and/or finding something else he’s good at or interested in. Still, aside from his identity issues, Poppy is doing wonderfully. He’s eating and sleeping normally, and loves to read with me or play with Blueberry and Bear.

… I think I’ll pick up some amateur medical supplies the next time I go to the store…

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Poppy – Day 101

I forgot to celebrate Poppy’s 100th day in the journal! He’s been with us for a little over three months now, and… wow. It still amazes me how great he’s doing. He’s been through so much, and even though he has his bad days like everyone else, he faces every day with as much enthusiasm as Blueberry. (Trust me, that’s a lot!) giving up just doesn’t seem to be an option for him.

He’s so brave, and I’m so proud.

His ankle’s been healed for a while now, but last month he finally stopped babying that foot! He doesn’t constantly look at me to carry him everywhere anymore, and ever since he realized his ankle is healed, his independence has gotten so much better. He explores the house a lot with Bear, and sometimes helps G in the kitchen. A few times, I’ve even caught Poppy poking around under my bed. “Nothing but dust bunnies under there” was his report to me as I pulled him out of there after I heard him sneeze. LOL!!
All kidding aside, it really warms my heart to see how well he’s doing. This is why I wanted to become a Bitty rehabilitation therapist – so I could help these guy who’ve been through bad situations get better. Ever since I found out how terribly some humans treat Bitties, all I wanted to do was take care of the ones who didn’t have anyone doing that for them.

Back when the only Bitty I had was Blueberry, my mother dragged me along to some weekend work thing she needed to go to. I was only thirteen, and naturally I just wanted to stay home. But as long as I could bring Blueberry (who I’d had for about three years at that point) and my phone, I begrudgingly went along.

Blueberry was my best friend, because he was my only friend back then. Cliché as it sounds, I was a nerdy teenager – nerdy and moody and I hated talking to people at school. Not a great mix. But Blueberry… we talked for hours. Cuddled and played together. All the time. He could always tell if I was sad, and I could always tell when he was sad. The things we didn’t talk to anyone else about, we talked to each other about. Ever since my mom gave him to me as a birthday present, I never thought of him as anything but a tiny person. He was never my pet or a toy; he was always my friend. I didn’t know anyone else with a Bitty at the time, so it didn’t occur to me that some people don’t understand that Bitties are sentient and sapient. And Blueberry had only known Mama Cry and my family, and we all understood, so he never thought people didn’t get it, either.

When we were halfway through that work thing, and Blueberry was playing on my phone with me, I felt something tug at my sleeve all of a sudden. I looked down, and there was another Bitty by my wrist. He was a Papy-type, but he wasn’t wearing any clothes. While I began to wonder who he was there with, and Blueberry tried not to stare, the Papy just sat by my phone and looked at the screen. The game we’d been playing was Burger Blast, some match-3 thing that was popular at the time, and the longer he looked, the more I could tell he actually looked kind of starving.

As I was pulling out some snacks I’d brought along for Blueberry, someone yelled, “BOOTS!,” and the Papy flinched. (It hit me pretty fast: that was his name.) His owner was my mom’s boss, who had her purse dumped out on the table, having been looking for him. She screamed for him to “get back over here” and that “you know you’re not supposed to be out” and… awful stuff. Insults, threats, warning him not to take the food from me. His bad health and palpable fear made it apparent that it wasn’t the first time something like this had happened.

What happened next kind of surprised me. Boots hurried to start running back to his owner, but Blueberry – my brave little boy – jumped out in front of him. He talked right back to that woman, telling her that she couldn’t talk to Boots like that, to leave him alone. One of the things he fired back at her was a question of, “Why don’t you just let Mama feed him? He’s obviously hungry!”

The woman’s reaction was horrible. She talked to Blueberry like she was his owner… no, no, worse. Like he was just some kind of slave. She shouted at him, saying for him to mind his own business, to remember his place, how dare he speak to her like that. She talked down to him like he was stupid, and finished it off by telling me that I “should train your pet better.” Then she stood up and started over to grab Boots from behind Blueberry, who wasn’t backing down for anything.

Thirteen-year-old me froze up easily, so all I could really do was pull Blueberry close to me, managing to get Boots too. I didn’t know what that woman would do to me or Blueberry, but I knew if I was that scared, Boots must have been absolutely terrified. It wouldn’t be right to let her have him back after she’d been so clearly abusing and neglecting him.

Thank God my mom stepped in, because I don’t think I would have been able to do anything. My mom just blocked her boss’ path, completely telling her off for how badly she’d been treating Boots. Here was this little guy who was supposed to be her companion, who was depending on her for a lot, and who probably hadn’t stopped loving her even though he was afraid of her. She told this woman she didn’t deserve whatever love Boots had left for her. Then my mom plucked Boots out of my hands and held him carefully herself, telling her boss that A, she was taking Boots home to care for him properly, and B, she quit this job. I think her exact words were something like “I’d rather beg on the streets than work another minute for someone like you.”

Then she took my hand, hiked her purse up on her shoulder, and walked us right out of there. Go, Mom.

When we got home, we took care of Boots. Blueberry helped him into some clothes, Mom cleaned up the wounds he had, and we fed him. For the next three days of a long weekend off school for me, Boots practically clung to me as I nursed him back to what I hoped was health. He was so weak, and eating didn’t seem to help much. He always fell asleep cuddled next to Blueberry against my chest, and even though he felt terrible physically… he seemed happier with us than with Mom’s ex-boss.

On the fourth day, I had to go back to school. Boots hugged my finger before I left, called me “Mama,” and then nuzzled into Blueberry to sleep some more. I kissed them both goodbye, hugged Mom, and headed off. All I did that day, really, was worry about him. Mom assured me that Boots would be fine and that she’d take care of him, but I was still worried. Something just felt… off.

When I got home that afternoon, the sight that greeted me was just heartbreaking. Mom was sitting on the couch, holding Blueberry – who was crying and clutching a plastic bag with a layer of dust at the bottom. Because I didn’t know a lot about Bitty biology or physiology at the time, Mom had to explain to me what happened. When monsters (and Bitties) die, or ‘fall down,’ they turn to dust. The dust in the bag was all that remained of Boots; his body had just had enough and couldn’t hold on anymore. We got him out of a bad situation, but we were too late for him to stand any real chance of recovering from the abuse he’d been subjected to.

Blueberry told me, through tears, that Boots’ last words had been “thank you” and that Boots had asked him to make sure I knew that. Blueberry spent the rest of the night in my arms, still holding onto that bag for dear life. I don’t even think either of us ate dinner that night.

We had a funeral for Boots the next day, and at Blueberry’s suggestion, scattered his dust over a blanket that was his favorite. It was red, and had pictures of cupcakes printed on it. I still have that blanket in a box of keepsakes. It’s in my closet, on the high shelf, marked Memories. Every once in a while, I take it out and run my fingers over it. Sometimes I can still feel him inside it, snuggled against me. The feeling is kind of sad, but… also kind of nice. Reminds me that he’s still with me even though he’s in a better place now.

The thing about it that added insult to injury is that Mom’s ex-boss sued us for ‘stealing and destroying her property.’ There weren’t any laws about Bitties in place then, and the judge who heard the case was sympathetic to us for trying to help Boots. But it didn’t stop the experience from being torture, nor did it stop Mom’s ex-boss from winning. Mom had to pay her $2,500 to replace Boots, and it made me sick – not only that people thought Bitties were property instead of people and thought they could be replaced, but also that that woman was potentially going to get another Bitty. If I’d had any little bit more of a vigilante streak, I probably would have found that woman’s house, broken into it, and taken whatever Bitty she adopted. I didn’t, but only because I knew if I did, it would be breaking the law and this would just end up happening all over again. I don’t think I felt okay for months after that, and every spare moment I had, I was holding Blueberry.

Some time after that, a conscious and unconscious decision got made in my mind: that I would do my best to make sure as many Bitties as possible were rescued from situations like that. I promised myself that if there was something I could do about it, no Bitty would go through what Boots had to.

Sometimes I still think about Boots, like… what he’d be like if we were able to save him. More than anything, though, his memory comes to me lately when I see how well Poppy’s done in such a short time. It makes me think of Boots, for some reason. Part of the reason I couldn’t help Boots was just because I didn’t – we didn’t – get him out in time. There wasn’t anything anybody could have done for him by then, except make his last days comfortable. That’s what Mom and I did for him. That was all we could do, and it broke our hearts. Unfortunately, death is a part of life, but… nobody deserves to go like he did. Slowly. Painfully. At least his last few days were filled with love from us.

With the position, stability, and training I have now, I’m able to get to Bitties before they’re beyond any help. Even if they’ve been through hell and back, even if they’re sick or hurt or have been treated badly, I have the means to help them before it’s too late.

I know I got to Poppy in time. He’s still got a while to go yet, but the progress he’s made so far is just astounding. How much more will he have made in a year? Or two? Or longer? I can’t wait to see how far he’ll go.

It already feels like he’s part of the family! He’s healing, sleeping, and eating well. He’s trying so hard and I’m so proud of him. I found him in time, and he’s going to be okay.

… Hah, sorry. It just makes me so happy. Even though I couldn’t help Boots, I can help others now. And if other Bitties get a shot at recovery because of what I do… then that’s all I really want out of life.

Alright, I gotta go hug everyone to sleep. <3

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Poppy – Day 182

Wow, where does the time even go, huh? It’s been over six months since I first found Poppy!

Slowly but surely, he’s been coming around to a new sense of self-worth. It’s true that he can’t use his magic to instantly heal anymore, but it hasn’t stopped him from trying. Whenever someone gets hurt, Poppy does attempt to use his magic. So far it hasn’t done much but stem bleeding, and unlike the incident five months ago, it no longer throws him into massive anxiety. If it starts to make him upset, he uses some techniques I introduced to help him calm down. Deep breaths, counting to ten (or higher, if necessary), or focusing his magic into a specific shape. Sometimes he uses all three, because there are days when it gets to him more than others. It almost always works, and the few times it doesn’t, at the very least he doesn’t completely fall apart.

Time just flies! It’s become common around here to see Poppy hanging out with Blueberry or Bear. Torch is naturally shy and hides a lot (sometimes in my clothes, LOL), but I think he’s, pardon the pun, warming up to Poppy. My little friends have done a great job making Poppy feel right at home, and it seems like this place feels like home to him. He only goes into his room when he needs privacy and alone time, and I’ve made sure that none of us disturb that unless there’s some kind of emergency.

Oh, by the way, Poppy’s found other ways to handle not being able to use healing magic. His energy’s been channeled into drawing – Bitty coloring books and crayons!! They’re adorable – and his passion for medical care has been redirected. Instead of using magic, I’ve been able to teach him about physically taking care of others. Bandaging, wound cleaning, splinting, medicine dosaging, and the like. Even though it’s not the same as instant healing, he’s embraced it wholeheartedly. First we practiced on dolls, and we still are. There are even apps that kind of help him practice, too! But whenever someone gets hurt around the house, Poppy takes initiative to care for their injuries. Although most of the wounds around here are just accidental scrapes and bruises, Poppy’s done an excellent job taking care of them.

Things are going really well. A good deal of the exercises and techniques I’ve given Poppy have worked wonders, both in reducing his overall anxiety and bolstering his self-esteem. He’s still got his bad days, but he’s much happier and more secure than he was six months ago.

Go, Poppy! Things are only gonna keep improving for him.

 Poppy – Day 205

Who’s a giant klutz? Dr. Lauren Mallory Derricks, that’s who.

I fell down the stairs and, thanks to my natural instincts, broke my wrist. Blueberry called Mom, who drove me to the hospital, and now I’m home in a cast. God, I’m so clumsy.

Unfortunately, this is causing a bit of a setback for poor Poppy. He’s distraught over the fact that he can’t (and couldn’t) do anything for me. Bear said that the whole time I was at the E.R., Poppy was locked in his little room, sobbing. Both he and Torch tried to persuade him out, but he only came out when he heard my key in the door. I didn’t even know he’d been anywhere but out until Bear told me. My poor boy. This isn’t Poppy’s fault, and it’s not his fault that I had to go to the hospital. I probably would have been stubborn enough to go even if he HAD been able to heal me.

What am I going to do? Time to think.

Ugh, gotta stop for now. My wrist hurts.

 Poppy – Day 208

I woke up from my after-lunch nap to find some presents drawn on my cast.

Yep. My little friends are clearly the best. I love them to pieces!! <3 <3 <3

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Poppy – Day 248

Owch, been over a month. But with my wrist healing and taking care of the Bitties, there just hasn’t been a lot of motivation to write. When you have a physical injury, it just tends to suck out your energy, heh!

But my cast is off now, my wrist feels great, and I’m gonna start writing in here more often like I’ve meant to.

First order of business: Poppy’s major anxiety after I broke my wrist. He hadn’t had a huge attack like that since before I started seriously working with him. Naturally, the magnitude of it concerned me since he’d been progressing steadily – since he’d been able to ward off such episodes with the small techniques I’d taught him. While a lot of extra attention and affection eased the effects, the biggest thing was to discuss with him what had happened, what he’d been feeling, and how we could work together to prevent it from happening again. A transcript of our session follows.

[start transcript]

DR.: Hey, Poppy, can we talk about what happened after I fell down the stairs? I think maybe we need to talk about what you were feeling. It might give us ideas to keep it from happening again.

POPPY: I… guess, if you want. It just seems like it’s something I’m going to have to deal with every so often.

DR.: Yeah, and that’s not fun or good for you, so if we can get to the bottom of it, you might be happier and healthier. So, are we okay to talk about it?

POPPY: Well… okay. If you think it’ll help.

DR.: Okie-dokie. Well, first off, do you remember how you knew I was hurt?

POPPY: Um… I was sleeping, and I woke up because I heard a loud crash. So I kind of looked out, but Bear was keeping me from really going anywhere. Blueberry was talking, and I couldn’t understand what he was saying. It was only after your mother took you to the hospital that Bear told me what happened.

DR.: Were you scared, or mad, or nervous?

POPPY: Um… all three? (laughs) I was afraid that you were really hurt… and angry that Bear kept me from getting out, and nervous that… that you weren’t going to come back or something. That was pretty silly of me, wasn’t it?

DR.: Aw, it’s not silly, Poppy. If it were me in your position, I would’ve been scared, mad, and nervous, too. Were you upset that you couldn’t do anything?

POPPY: Well… yeah. I thought maybe if I’d been there, or if I was better at healing… you wouldn’t have been hurt so bad that you had to leave for hours.

DR.: Do you know, Poppy, that I would have gone to the hospital no matter what, after a fall like that? The way I got hurt and had to be treated has nothing to do with what you did, didn’t do, or could have done. Things like that happen sometimes, and even though it sucks, it’s nothing that can’t be recovered from. And it’s not your responsibility to take care of anyone but you.

POPPY: It… feels like I know that, but when I get that scared… it’s harder to control myself. I mean, like… harder top control my thoughts and feelings. It’s just all… overwhelming.

DR.: Did you try any of the techniques I taught you that have helped you feel better before? Just curious!

POPPY: I tried the breathing one, but I was crying too hard to focus on my breathing.

DR.: And the counting one?

POPPY: … I, um, I only got as far as two. I couldn’t really concentrate on that, either. All I could think about was… worrying about you, and… being mad that I couldn’t do anything.

DR.: Okay. Well, maybe we need to think of some new strategies that you’d be able to concentrate on when you’re that upset. We’ll try that in a minute, but there’s one more thing I’d like to discuss first.

POPPY: Okay.

DR.: Why didn’t you come out of your room? Bear and Torch said they were trying to get you out so they could help.

POPPY: I… I don’t really know. I guess I was just mad at them, and… too panicked to… let them back in. Like – I wanted to shut myself off to everyone. Well, I mean – not that I wanted to, I felt like I… had to, or something.

DR.: Okay. Well, that’s definitely understandable. Some people just don’t feel like talking when they’re upset.

POPPY: I… I did want to. I just didn’t know… how.

DR.: Right, I know, and that’s understandable, too. And since being alone and your two most effective exercises didn’t work, I think maybe we should focus on support systems as your best coping method when big things and real overwhelming happen.

POPPY: Support system… like, I should really try to be with the others and… let them in when I’m feeling very upset? And you think that would help a lot?

DR.: (chuckles) Yes, that’s right. At any rate, it’s certainly better than doing nothing, right? Now, while we can’t change the past, I have a little exercise I’ve prepared with Bear to help show you that things can be better and you’ll be less anxious if you let your friends in. Is it okay if we go ahead with that now, or do you need a few minutes?

POPPY: (after a moment) No, no… let’s start. I want to try this.

[end transcript]

The exercise we ran through was a pretty simply roleplay exercise. We replicated the day when I broke my wrist, with Poppy in his room and Bear trying to get him out. Poppy was encouraged to make different choices, so he ended up letting Bear inside. The scene was really sweet, with Bear holding Poppy and reassuring him that not only were things going to be okay no matter what, but that Poppy had friends who were there for him. There was also, thankfully, talk of how Poppy was good at things besides healing and that we all love him.

It seems like it really, really helped. The whole session finished with Poppy cuddling up against Bear, so comfortable that it was up to me to carry them back into the living room.

They even slept against my leg like that. Cuties. <3

Poppy – Day 280

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. OhmyGod–

Poppy called me “Mother.”

I don’t… I don’t know what to think. Was it a slip of the tongue? He said, “Thank you, Mother!” right after Blueberry said, “Thanks, Mama!” while I was serving dinner. Was it, like, a reflex? Does he only feel like saying that because I’ve been taking care of him? Is is transference – unconsciously thinking of me as “Mother” for him because I’m his therapist and caregiver?? Oh, God. God. I don’t know how to deal with transference. I studied it a little, but I don’t know what to do about it…

I mean. Does he miss Jewel and just feel that attached to me already because I’m helping him? I remember he said he called Jewel “Mother” a few times before she abandoned him. Does he feel like or hope that I’m what Jewel wasn’t for him? Or does… does he feel obligated to call me that?

It’s not that I mind. I’m flattered, and happy, and… just a bit confused! If he wants me to be that for him, for real, that would be awesome. I love him, and… I’d love to have him here even once he’s done with recovery, if that’s what he wants. But it’s just… I have to make sure those feelings are genuine. Have to make sure they’re not just feeling obligated, or projecting onto me what he wants in general, or transference. If they’re any of those things… it won’t do him any good to get attached to me like that. The last thing I want is for something like that to happen, because obligation or projecting or transference that I don’t know how to deal with? That could really screw up his progress.

We’re gonna have to have a good talk about this soon. I hope he doesn’t think it upset me or anything…

Poppy – Day 287

Poppy and I spoke about what happened last week.

So, long story short: while calling me “Mother” was sort of an accidental reflex, the way he feels about me is indeed that he’s truly, genuinely attached to me as if I’m his owner. We ran through some psychological tests to make sure this wasn’t just transference, projecting, or obligation. But it’s not. He really, really does feel that type of bond with me. For what it’s worth, I had to make sure this wasn’t countertransference on my part or anything like that. I’m aware of my own transference, and I was a little worried I was redirecting, maybe, what I went through with Boots onto Poppy. After doing some tests on myself and closely examining my behavior and thoughts, well… yeah. No. It’s not countertransference either. I care about him as if he were my own!

I’m not sure if this means he wants me to adopt him once his rehabilitation is complete, or… boy, I dunno.

What I do know? Whatever he wants me to do, I’ll do. I want him to be happy and healthy. That’s all I care about.

He’s been doing so well! Who knows? The next time I update, he might be totally rehabilitated!

(Here’s hoping I didn’t just jinx things like last time, LOL.)

Poppy – Day 302

Soooooo… I didn’t jinx things!

Even though Poppy will almost certainly have to deal with some minor anxiety issues for the rest of his life, it’s pretty clear that he’s ready to be released from the regular sessions he’s been doing with me. All he should need to maintain this stability are the exercises I’ve given him, and a good support system. Something tells me his most enthusiastic supporters are going to be Blueberry, Bear, and Torch, because…

He wants me to adopt him!!

Haha, I, um… wow. I didn’t expect that to feel so good, LOL! It’s been almost a year since I started working with Poppy, and I gotta admit… the thought of having him join my permanent group of tiny friends has crossed my mind more than a few times. I love him! The fact that he’s worked so hard to make his life and emotional balance better, and the fact that he loves me and the others so much… he’ll fit right in.

So, yeah, this is definitely gonna be happening! I’m really excited about that. Poppy’s my first patient, and my first patient who’ll turn into a full-time companion, so it’ll be really nice to see how far he’s come. As long as he’s happy here, I’ll love to have him as part of my little group. <3

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Poppy – Day 339

Good news and bad news to report.

The bad news is… we saw an obituary for Jewel in today’s paper.

But – and this is the good thing – Poppy didn’t get too upset. He is just so over her and what she thought about him. Yeah, of course, he got a little misty-eyed and said, “That fast? I wish I could have done more for her,” but months ago, that would have sent him into an anxiety attack for several reasons.

That didn’t happen, though. I asked him a few times if that was all he had on his mind, or if he needed to talk about his feelings or anything. He told me no, that even though he was sad she died, he realized there wasn’t anything he could have done, nor was it his job to do anything but be her companion – and he didn’t miss her because his new mother takes care of him.

Regardless, he got some extra attention, cuddles, and kisses today; from all of us, haha. Just in case, you know? Death can be hard even when you weren’t close to the deceased. Poppy didn’t seem to be hiding anything, so I think he’ll be okay.

He’s sleeping with Blueberry right now, and OMG, it is the most adorable thing.

Man, he’s come so far. Even though he was happy to come here, he’d still been pretty newly abandoned and his issues with both Jewel and his magic were raw. Now… his separation from Jewel isn’t an issue for him anymore, and not only is his magic getting stronger, he’s more confident with it. (Which, I suspect, is why it’s getting stronger in the first place.)

I’m so proud of him and all his hard work.

Poppy Caduceus – Day 365

We went down to the local Mama Cry’s and filled out all the paperwork today.

“Poppy” wanted a new name since I was adopting him, a new name to go with his new life. So I thought of one for him – Caduceus. A caduceus is the symbol of healers and medicine, used in hospital logos and stuff, two worms/snakes wrapped around a winged staff. He obviously saw the symbol somewhere, whether online or in one of my books, because the caduceus is what he drew on my cast when I broke my wrist! He seems to like his new name, so from this point on in my journal entries, Poppy will be Caduceus.

Doing it today was actually kind of a surprise gift for him. It marks exactly one year since I first found him, so it’s like our anniversary together as a family. (All three of the others get a day like this, too, so it was only fitting.) Ah, man, you should have seen his face when I told him why we were at Cry’s! Precious little sweetheart was close to happy tears. <3

I still don’t know how Blueberry kept this surprise a secret, LOL!

While we were there, I picked up a cake for the four of them to share, and we all had a movie marathon night on the couch together. Not much of a celebration, I guess? But they loved it regardless. Caduceus was the last to fall asleep besides me, and told me how happy he was to be here; how much he appreciated my help, how much he loves me, Blueberry, Bear, and Torch, and how great it’s going to be to live here forever.

… I mean. Geez, hah. I can’t agree more? Adding to our little family is something I haven’t done since I moved out a few years ago, and I thought maybe it would be too soon. But now, it… it doesn’t feel like that. It just feels right.

Ah.

Welcome home, Caduceus. Welcome home. <3

Moony – Day 1

Boy, calling this a patient file would seem pretty impersonal, wouldn’t it? Good thing I call it a journal entry! ;P

It’s been about a month since I adopted Caduceus (it feels kinda weird to write Caduceus instead of Poppy, but in a good way!) and the universe decided this was a good time for me to have a new patient. This poor little fella was actually tipped off to me; Mom called me after taking a late-night walk and finding a box in the street with an apparently abandoned Bitty inside. Naturally, she thought the best thing to do was call me. So I gathered up all my little buddies and we headed over to check out the situation despite the fact that it was, like… what, 2 in the morning? Pff. My heart is too big.

Mom was holding the box on her lap with one finger petting the top of the trembling Bitty’s head, telling him it was going to be okay and he was safe here. She looked up when I came in and told me what she knew: this Bitty was a Soft Bones-type, he was thinner and lighter than she thought he should be, and he’d managed to tell her that his name was Moony. As I got closer, Mom held up the box, encouraging him to “go with my daughter, the doctor.” (Does she ever get tired of saying that?? LMAO.)

I could hear him whining a little, and he immediately vanished into a corner of the box. When I motioned for Mom to set the box back in her lap, he seemed to calm down a bit. By then, Blueberry, Bear, and Torch were being led into the other room by Mom’s Sansy, Chill. The only one who stayed with me was Caduceus, since as my little ‘nurse’ he wanted to give me a hand with the first look.

Moony didn’t seem scared of us, in particular, but more like he was scared of everything, and… tired. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more exhausted-looking Bitty in my life. But he wasn’t trying to sleep. It seemed like he was fighting any rest, actually. Mom was right, too – he wasn’t, like, thin as a rail or anything, but definitely skinnier than any Sans-category Bitty has any business being. Poor guy. After assuring him that I wouldn’t touch him unless it was absolutely necessary, he allowed me to lean in for a detailed look. So, here’s what I found.

• biggest concern – undernutrition and dehydration
• how long ago was his last bath?? not soon enough
• sleep deprivation and overall fatigue; underlying insomnia or self-imposed?
• general anxiety (or panic? couldn’t tell)
• no visible wounds

I watched him try to stand up, but it was too hard for him. It looked like it was due to a combination of dizziness and muscle weakness… both symptoms of fairly severe undernutrition. This fella is in rough shape. Not only is he physically suffering, it also seems like he’s reluctant to speak.

Mom’s got monster food and some medical stuff. Moony didn’t like the suggestion that I take him back to Better Places, but I want to start at least treating his lack of nourishment. So. Looks like I’m spending the night at Mom’s.

Oh, my God, my room is just how I left it, but without three years’ worth of dust. I feel like a kid. Sigh.

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Moony – Day 2

Holy shit, I forgot how uncomfortable my old mattress is. My back is killing me, LOL.

So, updates! Given the severity of Moony’s undernutrition, it seems like solid food might overwhelm his system right now. It would probably be a bad idea at this point, because if that happens, his body might reject the food or his systems might go haywire. Then he won’t get any nutrients at all. Last night (this morning?? last night), we gave him a few drops of Sea Tea – liquid and bitter, but full of everything monsters need. (He let Mom ‘feed’ him with the medicine dropper, and yes, it was super cute!) A liquid diet of Sea Tea and maybe other monster food run through a blender should be a good idea for the next week or so. After that, soft foods for two weeks, and by the fourth week, it should be okay to ease him into normal solid food.

I’ll tell you one thing, though. Mom let Chill have some fries from Grillby’s for breakfast, and man… Moony just looked so hungry when he smelled them in the microwave. He started whimpering and clutching at his stomach. It was bad enough that Mom literally lifted Chill and his plate off into the living room, and I’ve never seen her just grab him like that. Poor Moony; even though we all explained to him why he can’t have stuff like that yet, it was clear he wanted some. It felt like we were torturing him or something.

I know it’s what’s best for him. I’m not going to compromise his health to shut up my own misplaced guilt. It’s just… he just… reminds me a lot of Boots. That look on his face really… really reminded me of Boots.

Um. Anyway. After he drank the Sea Tea, he went back into the box Mom found him in and kind of curled up. We took everyone into the living room as soon as Chill was done eating, and tried to ask Moony some questions. “When was the last time you ate?” He couldn’t remember, although he did know it had been longer than a week. (I’m buying that, but I think it’s been at least two weeks.) “Is there anyone looking for you?” He shook his head no to that one. “Do you remember where you were and what happened before you were in the box?” We got a nod in response to that. “Do you want to talk about it?” No, he didn’t.

That’s okay, though! We can work on his mental health and therapy more once we’ve gotten his physical health under control. For now, the therapy we can give him without specifics is just to nurse him back to a healthy diet and weight and make sure he gets as much kindness as possible.

I don’t think I can take him back to Better Places just yet, unfortunately. He’s hesitant to even peek out of the box, and it seems like he’d rather be near my mom than me. Trust issues, maybe, but then why does he trust Mom? Because she’s the one who found him and brought him home? That would make sense. He doesn’t seem to really trust her fully – just more than the rest of us. Doesn’t appear to be awfully interested in talking, either. He prefers to just nod or shake his head if he can, although he’ll answer verbally if it can’t be answered by a nod or a shake of the head. His voice is so… tiny. He’s soft-spoken and sounds like he’s straining his throat to speak… which is probably why he avoids speaking in the first place. Is that from lack of water, or does he have a vocal condition?

Well, either way. I’ll be bunking here at Mom’s for a while to see if I can persuade Moony to come back to the Center with me eventually. Wish me luck; I think my work’s cut out for me with this case! <3

Moony – Day 3

It’s late – well, early morning, but I should be asleep so I’m calling it late – and I couldn’t be more awake right now.

When I woke up a few hours ago, it was from crashing on the couch after dinner. All my little Bitty friends were cuddled up on me, and Bear had already started snoring. They were all still with me when I woke up… except Caduceus. Now, he’s not really one to wander off during the night, so I wanted to find him and just make sure he was okay. Before I could move much, a couple of voices met my ears. The sight that awaited me when I looked over was Caduceus sitting on the side of that box, talking to Moony in hushed tones. I still wanted to get a better look and see/hear what was going on, make sure everything was alright, check if there was anything I could do for them.

Caduceus jumped a little when I tapped him on the shoulder after getting the others off me enough so I could sit up. Poor guy, maybe I should’ve called to him first! Ah, well, now I know for next time. Once he realized it was just me, though, he smiled and nuzzled against my finger. After prompting, he told me he’d heard Moony whimpering and breathing hard, so Caduceus got up to see what was wrong. Apparently poor Moony had a nightmare not long after he fell asleep? Boy. If that happens a lot, I could see why he would be hesitant to sleep despite being so obviously tired. Surprisingly, by the time I leaned over, Moony was sitting up, talking to my little nurse. (Caduceus was very proud of himself. Rightfully so! Cutie pie.)

As soon as I leaned over more, Moony’s willingness to talk just disappeared. He curled up a bit, and I could see tears still on his face. I let him know I wouldn’t touch him or anything, and asked if he wanted to talk about the nightmare. That quiet voice of his told me he’d already talked to Caduceus about it, and he was fine to go back to sleep, except that he was hungry. The look on his face made it seem like he was ashamed that he even needed nourishment. He even mumbled that he was sorry.

I felt bad that I still couldn’t give him any real food, but I went to get a dropperful of cider for him. Even though nothing heals like Sea Tea, the cider from Muffet’s is sweeter and a lot more… palatable. My thinking was that something that tasted good might help soothe him, and maybe he’d trust me a bit more.

He didn’t really go for it at first. He could tell it smelled different than what Mom gave him earlier, so he probably thought I was trying to trick him or something. So I gave Caduceus a drop of the cider first to show Moony it was safe to drink. My little helper went the extra mile, telling his new friend that the cider of good for letting you sleep soundly. It took a minute for Moony to creep up and open his mouth for me to ‘feed’ him; once he did, though, he drank all of it pretty quickly. Poor fella is really starving. But a fast increase in food when he hasn’t been eating much might lead to a monster/magic version of refeeding syndrome. That could be fatal, very rapidly, and would leave him weaker even if it was treated. No matter how much he wants to eat solid food, and I understand why, (it would be a lot more satisfying than Sea Tea and cider), it’s really important to reintroduce nutrients slowly. After the first week, we can relax on the risk of magic refeeding syndrome.

Anyway, Moony thanked us both and curled up in the corner again, ready to sleep. I went to the bathroom and grabbed a washcloth to toss in there – so he could have a blanket if he needed one. Seemed like he was grateful for it, and after he wrapped himself up, I let Caduceus get back in my hand to bring him back to the couch. We gave each other a little nuzzle and said goodnight again before he rejoined the others’ sleeping cuddle puddle. He’s sleeping pretty soundly now, all snuggled up. (Guhhhh, they’re all so CUTE! My babies. <3)

As for me, I’m starting to get a little tired again. To be honest, the main reason I’m writing and updating now instead of in the morning is because I wanted to observe Moony for a little bit. Poor guy kept peeking over the top of the box for the first few minutes while I was writing… eventually he got all hidden back in his washcloth-blanket. It might take a while to gain his trust, but that’s okay. Best to let him take his time and get comfortable. I think he’s sleeping now, too! Hopefully, whatever talk he had with Caduceus will keep any nightmares from coming back or anything. Moony really does need as much rest as he can get right now.

Oof, my eyes are trying to close, LMAO. Guess it’s time for me to get some shuteye now, too.

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Moony – Day 7

Someone’s starting to come out of his shell… it’s Moony! He isn’t totally comfortable with us all yet, but he’s less withdrawn than he was the first couple of days. Mom is the one he’s most okay with, although Caduceus’ presence lets Moony relax, too. Seems like he’s also starting to build a rapport with Chill. Moony’s still not up for talking to me about what happened to him; Mom says he told her a tiny bit. Mostly that his former owner (Mom said he called his old owner “Mumma”, so no name so far) wasn’t a good caregiver despite loving him and Orange. He wouldn’t elaborate past that, but anything he can tell us will give me a better idea of how to treat him.

Several questions come to mind, the most curious to me being: who is “Orange”? Are they another Bitty that Moony’s old owner lived with? If not, were they, like… another pet or this lady’s significant other, or…? Other questions include stuff like… how far did the whole ‘not a good caregiver’ thing go? Was she only neglectful (because I know by his state that she was neglectful) or could she also have been outright abusive? Given Moony’s undernutrition, how often did she feed him, or did she feed him at all, ever? Did she bathe him properly, give him clean clothing, provide an appropriate living space, was she a friend to him?

I can answer some questions myself, based on Moony’s general state and appearance. The absence of wounds suggests that he wasn’t physically abused – depending on how long he was with her and how long it was since she abandoned him, though, it’s possible any old abuse injuries have simply healed. Small wounds like scrapes, cuts, bruises, and burns typically don’t leave scars unless they’re given with extreme force. Physical abuse is unlikely, just can’t rule it out right now. Psychological abuse is more likely, when the way Moony is reluctant to leave the box is analyzed. It goes beyond shyness or caution – he’s afraid to leave that one place where he knows he’s safe, afraid to explore new surroundings even though he might be curious. What’s he afraid of? And he’s hesitant to take food from anyone but Mom. Does he think something will happen if he does? Or does he think food from Mom is the only safe food?

Oof, listen to me. This all sounds so clinical today. It might just be because I’m trying not to transfer my old feelings and thoughts about Boots onto Moony. It’s hard not to… Moony’s suffering in a lot of the same ways. Helping Moony isn’t gonna bring Boots back, and I know that. I want to help Moony. It’s not like I think it will bring Boots back from the dead. Boots deserved every chance at a good life, and so does Moony.

Um… anyway. I gotta stop dwelling on Boots and just focus on aiding Moony’s recovery.

The good news is that we transitioned Moony to soft solid food today, and he’s doing great so far! We microwaved a cinnamon bunny and cut it in quarters so Mom could feed him. We still have to be careful with rushing a bunch of food, so he only got ¼ of a cinnamon bunny and another dropperful of Sea Tea. I warned him not to eat too fast, and it seems like he trusts me a little since he did listen. It’s good that he’s still definitely got an appetite, though; I know if I had to be on a liquid diet for a week before eating real food, I’d start losing my appetite, LOL. But it hasn’t hindered Moony’s appetite, seems like. Even with us reminding him to eat slowly, he was eager to finish what we gave him… and give us a look afterwards that clearly asked if he was allowed to have more.

We had to say no – poor guy! We’ll gradually increase the amount of food we give him at every meal, until he’s eating an appropriate amount for his category, height, and weight. Based on Blueberry’s diet and keeping in mind that he’s heavier than Moony right now… by the time he’s worked up there, in a few weeks, Moony should be eating two or three ounces of food. I’ll have to get my scales from home; both to weigh the food and to weigh Moony. A healthy Soft Bones should weigh about eight ounces, and it looks like Moony only weighs five or six. If he was, maybe, seven and a half or even seven and a quarter, he’d probably be fine, but… two or three ounces is a big loss for a Bitty, even ones who are typically larger like Sans-category Bitties.

It’s good that Moony is still enthusiastic about eating, though. It really is. I’ve heard stories about humans who’ve suffered starvation and became uninterested in food if it went on long enough. Looks like that won’t be a problem with Moony, thank goodness!

His friendship with Caduceus is still budding well, too. During the day, if Moony’s not sleeping, he’ll usually sit up a bit, and that seems to be the “c’mere, Caduceus” signal, LOL. It’s amazing how fast Caduceus responds, too – just scrambling over from wherever he is. I’m not sure what they talk about, but it seems to make them both happy to talk to each other. Twice now, Caduceus managed to coax Moony into sitting on the side of the box together. Even though Moony didn’t stay out for more than five minutes each time, it’s impressive that Caduceus got him out at all this soon! My little buddy is such a wonderful nurse!! (Spoiler alert: I always knew he would be!)

Okay, well. Before I spend another night at Mom’s, I’ve gotta go grab a few supplies from home. It’s really a good thing my Bitties don’t mind sleeping in the same place as me, because Mom definitely doesn’t have space for their rooms in her house!

Moony – Day 8

Hah, I got the scales from the Center and used the opportunity to weigh everyone, not just Moony! Score one for the devious Dr. Derricks, LOL. And why not? It’s been a while since I weighed all my babies. Here’s a nice, organized chart!

So, with that in mind, Moony is the only one whose weight I’m concerned about. Blueberry, Torch, and Caduceus are a little over their target weights, and Bear is a little under, but none of theirs are enough to be worried over – especially since they’re all healthy. Their weight isn’t affecting their health. Moony’s is, though. He’s pretty lucky Mom found him before he lost any more weight. No Sans-category Bitty should be almost three ounces too light. No Bitty should be almost three ounces too light, period.

You should have seen Blueberry’s face when he read Moony’s weight on the scale. His eyes almost bugged right out of his skull. He begged me to give Moony more to eat, then I cuddled him and explained that we’ve slowly been working on that. Poor Blueberry didn’t let go of me until I reassured him that we were going to get Moony up to a healthy weight. Moony was a little spooked by that, but he calmed down after Caduceus started talking to him.

Oh, and some good news; Moony let me carry him! Okay, okay, it was just for a second to put him on the scale and get him off. It’s a big step, though. For those couple of seconds, he trusted me not to drop him or hurt him. It seems like he has some issues with being touched, so I had to be careful about the way I lifted him. This is a great sign. He’s taking chances and putting his trust in new people. He’s gonna see that he’ll get rewarded for it – that the world here is safe and he can be happy.

(Also, Mom had me weigh Chill; he’s 9.19 ounces. Don’t tell him she’s gonna put him on a diet, LMAO!!)

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Moony – Day 21

We fed Moony his first real, totally normal solid food in a long time earlier this morning! Two one-ounce bags of popato chisps; one of them was cinnamon flavor (he really likes cinnamon!) and the other was tomato-basil. He was pretty excited to eat them, especially since he’s worked up to eat almost two ounces in the last couple weeks. Still, the fact that he did try to eat slowly shows that he understands how important it is that he not overdo it. I’m happy to see that! Moreover, by the end of the ‘meal’, he actually said he was full. That sort of satiety is something he’s only been starting to express in the last few days. That two ounces of food satisfies him now when three weeks ago he would have tried eating several times that much (and making himself sick) is amazing. He isn’t feeling starved and begging for more, because we’ve worked him up to it gradually. He isn’t uninterested in eating, but he’s also not going to be going nuts and overeating either.

This might be counting chickens before they hatch, but I think Moony is almost back up to a regular appetite for a Soft Bones! I’m so proud of him.

Also, I wanted to get a routine physical exam done on Moony to assess his general health aside from nutrition issues, so I did that today after he ate. His weight is up to 5.7, which is huge for a Bitty! He’s gained almost 14 grams in the last two weeks. It’s still slow for my liking… now that he’s really eating more and true solid food, though, his weight gain should speed up a bit. He’ll be up to eight ounces in no time! Still no sign of magic refeeding syndrome, and it’s safe to say that he’s in the clear for that. He’s 5½ inches tall (a little over 13 centimeters), and his eyes are a little brighter now. That raspiness in his voice has gone away almost entirely, so I think that was just from dehydration. He’s a little more willing to speak now, too, probably because his throat doesn’t hurt anymore.

There was something, um… a little worrying that I found during the exam, though. I did some quick tests – or, rather, they were supposed to be quick – to make sure that his digestive system is functioning properly, (feeling his stomach, a little prodding, and most importantly monitoring how fast he digested his breakfast), and the results were… kind of abnormal. The monitors I use were going really slow, so I thought maybe they were broken. But when I tested the monitors on Chill, he was digesting at a normal pace for the way monsters use magic. When I put the monitors back on Moony, they started going super slow again. It was weird, then something clicked. Even though Moony’s digestive system seemed to be working fine in that he did digest all the food, it took four hours. That’s triple the time it should take for a Bitty to digest a meal.

After asking a few questions that Moony happily answered, I’ve come to a conclusion. Moony’s digestive system is slow and works harder than other Bitties’ because he hasn’t been fed appropriately for such a long amount of time. He didn’t have a sufficient diet when he lived with his previous owner, and the food he did get was usually not monster food. Like. Oh, my God. What was wrong with that woman, seriously? Bitties’ digestive systems aren’t like humans’. Bitties need monster food – it’s directly imbued with magic, which is what helps monsters break down the food and turn it very quickly into energy. That’s what makes their digestive processes different from non-monsters. Without the magic, a monster’s digestive system needs to work harder, with their own magic, to process the nutrients in the food. That makes their body weaker, fatigued, not to mention if it goes on long enough, it could cause serious damage to their digestive system and affect their ability to absorb nutrients at all.

This is the same reason you don’t feed dogs chocolate, or give cats ice cream, or drop a steak in a fish aquarium. Because that stuff is human food, and dogs, cats, and fish aren’t humans. Just because Bitties are on a human level of intelligence doesn’t mean you feed them human food. You can’t feed a Bitty human food for an extended period of time, because Bitties aren’t humans. They need monster food because they are monsters.

This just makes me SO mad. You can’t feed a Bitty on only human food all the time and expect them to be healthy. It’s not possible. Sure, Bitties can have human food as a treat once in a while, but they can’t survive forever on stuff that isn’t monster food. For God’s sake. People should be required to answer specific care questionnaires before they’re allowed to be put in charge of another living thing. This is awful. I’ve never even heard of a Bitty with digestive system overuse before.

Uuuuuughhhh. The only thing worse than not feeding your ‘pet’ at all is letting them eat something isn’t good for them.

I guess my upset was pretty visible, because Moony started whimpering while I was jotting notes on a scrap of paper. He also was not happy about the length of time he had to keep the monitors on, poor fella. Caduceus helped me explain everything, so Moony isn’t really mad about it. It’s more that he got kind of concerned about what it means for the future. (Apparently he’s grown fond of human food like muffins.) This isn’t really anything to lose sleep over, though, and we made sure he knew that. It just means he can’t have human food often anymore, and he should stick to foods that are higher in magic so he’ll have an easier time digesting. I know Muffet’s did start selling muffins for monsters, so maybe we’ll try those out.

When all’s said and done, monster food doesn’t typically taste that different than human food. Magic is either tasteless, or easily covered by other flavors in the food. There’s just a little more variety to the tastes of human food. A lot of monster chefs are working on that, though, and it’s technically possible for human food to be infused with magic. It’s just easier to do it while it’s being made rather than after the fact. Magic liquid supplements (usually for monsters who have magic insufficiency) aren’t that hard to get, either, so maybe if we give him some shortly before eating human food, it might make it easier to digest once the excess magic is in his system.

Well, regardless of all this news, the good part is that this shouldn’t hinder Moony’s recovery too much. As long as he eats the appropriate food, he’ll be okay. And now that he’s with us, he’ll be getting the appropriate food all the time. No human food at all, at least until he recovers completely from the undernutrition, and until we can get it figured what will work best for helping him digest it. Even then, I would recommend it even less than the once-a-month I let my own buddies have a little tiny something. God, do any pet stores or shelters or ANYTHING give information on Bitty care??

… Okay, maybe I didn’t get all the pissed-off out of my system yet. I’m gonna, um… go see if Blueberry’s up to toss bones at me till I manage to deflect one.

Moony – Day 30

SUCCESS!!! We all finally persuaded Moony to come to the Center. He’s only going to stay for one night, but it’s something. It makes me proud that he’s willing to give my place a chance despite being more comfortable at Mom’s.

We’ve gotten him all set up now – turned his box into like a starter room. Blueberry’s old mattress, a couple of blankets that aren’t the boys’ favorites, a nice fluffy pillow. If all goes well and Moony starts coming out of the box more often, we might even be able to get it painted. At the moment he’s in the box, but he’s sitting up, talking to Caduceus, watching TV. He looks pretty sleepy, poor little guy! How come he doesn’t just sleep if he’s tired? Most Soft Bones are happy to sleep the day away given the opportunity. I mean, if he’d been sleeping too much and was trying to fix that, that’d be one thing. He rarely sleeps totally through the night, though. Has he always been like this? It doesn’t seem like insomnia. Maybe I’ll try to find a monster/Bitty doctor and see what they think.

On the other side of the coin, Torch seems kind of clingy the last few days. He’s cuddled against me as we speak! I don’t think he’s feeling too great; his temperature’s a little cooler than normal. Probably got a little bug or something. Kinda funny, Moony’s not sleeping much and Torch is sleeping a lot because he’s sick! It’s like everything’s balanced. Like feng shui or yin-yang, LOL!

It’s getting late, so I’m gonna see if I can get Torch off me and go make some dinner for everyone. (No sense waking him if I can help it – he works hard enough to help me already. <3)

Moony – Day 31 (early morning)

Well, turns out Torch’s ‘little bug’ is actually monster influenza.

Moony actually told me. He’d climbed out of his box to check on things when he heard weird sounds and noticed Torch was absent from where he’d been sleeping in my arms. (Wow! When did he suddenly get so brave?? Good for him!) After finding Torch knelt over the bathroom sink vomiting, Moony hurried back to wake me up.

So I got poor Torch cleaned up and changed, gave him some Sea Tea to make him feel better, and cocooned him in his favorite blanket to keep him warm. He’s kind of cool, which is basically a fever for a fire elemental, but I had Caduceus take his temperature and it wasn’t low enough for me to be overly worried. I’ve put a medicine cup on the coffee table in case Torch needs to throw up again, and rubbed his tummy for a few seconds. Now he’s nestled in the crook of my arm, trying to get some rest. I’m gonna try to sleep soon myself, since I’m still tired, but it’s not gonna be easy when one of my babies is so sick. Even though he’ll be fine in a few days, it doesn’t stop me from being kind of concerned.

I’m really proud of Moony, though. First he leaves the safety of his box to investigate strange noises, THEN he wakes me up to let me know that something was wrong with Torch? That’s crazy big progress considering that Moony prefers his box and still doesn’t fully trust me or any of my Bitties except Caduceus yet.

Someone’s getting a little extra breakfast when the day actually starts! <3

Moony – Day 38

Well, this update is… not really good news. Moony caught the flu from Torch, and even though the actual illness isn’t too dangerous by itself, one of the main symptoms is vomiting. Which… can be pretty dangerous for someone who’s been grappling with undernutrition and dehydration. Moony’s already gotten sick in the medicine cup twice, he’s got a slight fever, and his appetite’s down to nothing. It was a mini-war getting him to take a tiny flu pill, let alone anything even vaguely resembling food. (Not that I blame him, though. Of course violent nausea and vomiting is going to wipe out your desire to eat, drink, or swallow at all.)

He can’t just go without nutrients, though. Unlike Torch, he doesn’t have enough stored energy to skip meals for the next few days. It would be a reeeeally bad idea for him to stop eating and drinking till he gets his appetite back, especially when he’s just starting to get a good grip on recovering.

But it would also be beyond cruel of me to force food into him when his stomach is upset.

Damn, damn, damn. What am I gonna do…?

I’m just gonna have to make sure he gets enough Sea Tea to compensate for lack of food. He’s not gonna wanna drink that, either, but he needs to keep getting his nutrients or he’ll end up worse off than he was when he got here. At least it’s not food, right?

… Boy, I am NOT gonna be Moony’s favorite person for the next couple of days…

Chapter Text

Moony – Day 50

You know, it’s funny, I’ve begun writing in the journal here more frequently. But then two Bitties get sick and suddenly I fall off the wagon! LOL. I can’t believe it’s been almost two weeks since I’ve updated this thing.

So, the good news is that Torch has been over the flu for a while now, and Moony just totally got over it the day before yesterday. They’re both doing pretty great, all things considered. Torch is still hanging around me, but not because he feels crappy. He told me he’s trying to be more social; which is stunning! Torch has always been my shy fella. That’s perfectly fine, although it’s cool that he’s got the courage to try something new! I’m proud of him. Fingers crossed that he doesn’t push himself into stuff that makes him too uncomfortable. <3 As for Moony, he lost a few grams of weight while he was sick, but he’s slowly gaining it back. His appetite returned, and he actually surprised me! He’s working gradually to get back to the amount of food he was eating before, and it was his idea to do that. How did I not notice how smart this guy is?! He’s using his previous experiences with us to infer what’s good for his health! That’s great, and it shows an awareness of his eating habits. Plus it means he’s already being conscious of his health, which is always a wonderful thing. You go, Moony! <3

After Torch got sick, Moony decided he wanted to stay at the Center – he told Caduceus that he wanted to make sure Torch was okay. That was sweet of him, I thought! After Moony got sick, I didn’t wanna take him back to Mom’s because of the risk he could get Chill sick. (No offense to Chill, but his immune system in particular is kind of shit, whereas Blueberry and Bear don’t get sick often.) So Moony’s been hanging out here since I brought him home. It’s pretty cool that he decided to stay this long despite initially being unsure about the place. Even though he’s clearly more comfortable at Mom’s, it seems like he’s okay with the Center. And surprisingly, with Caduceus’ help, giving Moony the regular doses of Sea Tea wasn’t too hard. I think Moony really does trust me more now. Maybe it was the way he saw me taking care of Torch, or maybe Caduceus talked to him about me. Either way, it makes me happy and relieved. It’ll probably make his treatment easier if he isn’t afraid of his doctor, LMAO.

He still hasn’t really told me about what happened with his Mumma, or who Orange is. I’m not sure he even knows that I know about either of them. That’s fine, though! If he’s not ready, he’s not ready. Gentle prodding might be okay, but therapy and rehab like this usually doesn’t go well if people are forced to do things.

Another thing that’s been helping Moony feel more secure here is that Mom visits without Chill! It really does make Moony’s day to see her for a few minutes. He’ll even come out of his box and sit on the edge so she can nuzzle his cheek with her finger. He even talks to her a little. I have an idea that involves Mom… but I gotta wait until we’re farther along in Moony’s recovery. Just know that I have something brewing, LOL.

Mom says that Chill does ask about Moony sometimes, which is cute. Chill as I know him rarely even asks about my Bitties, and spends most of his day just content to be with Mom. Chill is just kind of a loner, so it’s nice that he’s interested in someone else!

Guess there’s not as much to report as I thought! Ah, well. Things are just progressing steadily, and life is good right now.

Moony – Day 63

Alright, cool beans today! I got in touch with a Bitty doctor; a Poppy-type Bitty named Dr. Roman! He sounded very nice on the phone, and after hearing about Moony, the two of us decided it would be a good idea to make an appointment. It’s better this way, because first of all, a Bitty doctor doing his own exam can make sure I haven’t missed anything, and second of all, I haven’t finished the last course and paperwork for my license to prescribe drugs. So if Moony needs any medication, Dr. Roman will be able to prescribe it.

So, the appointment’s tomorrow at 1:15! Moony’s not supposed to eat for four hours before; after he heard about my findings, Dr. Roman wants to see Moony’s digestion process for himself. Hopefully Moony won’t be too upset with me that I won’t be able to give him lunch.

But either way, I’m excited for an appointment with an actual Bitty doctor. Even though I’ve studied Bitties myself, I obviously don’t know everything. The doctor will be able to do a more thorough exam as well as give me insight to things that I may not know as much about. This way, we can ensure Moony is as healthy as possible, and I’ll get some, uh – impromptu lessons? LOL.

Fingers crossed that everything goes well tomorrow! I’ll update once we get home from the appointment. :)

Moony – Day 64

Okie-doke, we’re back from the appointment! Dr. Roman is a very nice guy, and we all got some great information. He actually wants us back next week, but at the monsters’ sleep clinic this time, during the night – he wants to evaluate Moony’s sleeping patterns.

The only one who insisted on coming along was Caduceus, because of course he did, LOL! <3 He’s my awesome little nurse, and having him there helped keep Moony calm. Even though Blueberry did want to come along, I thought it might be best to have it just be the three of us the first time. I wasn’t sure how Moony would react to the doctor. Now that I’ve seen Moony in a doctor’s office, it should be fine for Blueberry to join us when we go to the sleep clinic.

So, news! While Moony did seem a little nervous in the waiting room, some quick encouragement from Caduceus helped him relax. He even nuzzled against me a little bit – mostly to hide from a grumpy Edgy who clearly wasn’t feeling well and glared at us from his mama’s arms. (It was nice to see that the lady focused on comforting him rather than reprimanding him, though. Most Bitties and humans and other animals get kind of nasty when they’re sick or hurt, but a lot of ‘aggressive’ types seem to get treated badly for being cranky when they don’t feel good. Kind of like how snakes and other unorthodox pets get looked at, you know? I was glad to see that this guy was being well cared for!)

At least I know Moony trusts me enough to know I’ll protect him! That’s a relief.

When we got into the exam room, Dr. Roman took a history using answers from both myself and Moony. He was still a bit hesitant to speak up; Caduceus and I convinced him it was okay, and reminded him that the doctor only wants to help. After getting the history, the doctor proceeded to hook Moony up to some monitors similar to the ones I’d used before. His were more sophisticated and he was able to work them better. You should have seen poor Moony’s face when he noticed what those monitors were! He thought he was going to be hooked up for hours again.

After the doctor had me give Moony a little snack, we sat there for a while so he could watch the way Moony digested. Just like before, the equipment went slow, and even though Dr. Roman didn’t seem as surprised as I’d been, it was clear that he was kind of concerned, too. About an hour passed before Moony’s system digested the small bit of food I gave him. For a monster without Moony’s overworked digestive system, it would have only taken around fifteen minutes.

The diagnosis we got from Dr. Roman? Magikogastroparesis, a word I probably couldn’t say three times fast even if you paid me! LMAO! Apparently there’s a word for it besides ‘digestive system overuse’. So, magikogastroparesis is basically a condition in which a monster’s digestive process is slowed or not functioning well. It’s similar to a human condition called gastroparesis, but in monsters it’s called magikogastroparesis because of the magic used in their digestive process. While it’s a lifelong thing and can’t actually be totally cured, there are ways to manage it so that it doesn’t get serious and doesn’t hugely impact the monster’s life. Dr. Roman actually suggested a daily low-dose magic supplement. We don’t need a prescription for that, so we picked some up at the drugstore on the way home and we’ll start those tomorrow! He said the low dose is fine for everyday, but to keep a higher-dose version on hand in case he wants some human food for special occasions.

Dr. Roman weighed and measured Moony, too, and he’s doing well! His weight is up to 6.6!! That’s absolutely astounding when you consider that almost two months ago he was only 5.23 ounces! Ah, wow, I’m so proud of him. It seems like he’s proud of himself, too, and he should be! I think Dr. Roman was pretty impressed as well, after he jotted down all Moony’s history. The average rate that Moony’s been gaining weight is about 4.7 grams per week; Dr. Roman recommended to us that the healthiest rate of weight gain for a Bitty like Moony is closer to 6 grams per week. So Moony’s been gaining fairly well, but Dr. Roman wants to see if we can’t get the rate up a bit. His suggestion was to increase the protein in Moony’s diet for a few weeks. Protein apparently tends to hold magic better, leading to nutrients being more well-absorbed, so a protein-rich diet helps a Bitty gain weight faster while still keeping things healthy. So I think we’ll be trying that out!

So, my own notes and calculations here, for future reference!

total weight gain in the past 56 days = 37.7 grams (1.33 ounces)

average weight gain for the past 56 days = roughly 4.7 grams per week

target weight = 8 ounces

target weight gain until target weight is reached = 6 grams per week

approx. time to reaching target weight = about 6-7 weeks

ideal way to promote healthy weight gain = add more protein-rich foods

Overall, the visit went better than I expected it to. Even though Moony was nervous and a little agitated, he was an absolute angel for Dr. Roman. Moony and Caduceus both got a monster lollipop at the end; Moony for being a good patient and Caduceus for being a good nurse. What great boys!! :D Both of them ate their candy in the car on the way home, LOL. And during the ride home, Moony almost fell asleep! OMG, it was so adorable. He got all nestled in the cup holder, ate his lollipop, and his eyes kept drifting shut the whole ride back. I think I even caught him smiling when I sang along to the radio.

So, now that the first hurdle is out of the way, time to get prepared for the next big event: bum-bum-bum, the upcoming appointment at the sleep clinic. Now that I’ve seen how well Moony did for Dr. Roman, though, it makes me less concerned for it than I might otherwise be. Besides, Moony needs to sleep better, so getting this taken care of will be good for him.

Great news is that Moony’s sleeping now! He ate his dinner, peeked up over his box to watch a nature program with us for a bit, and then snuggled up in his thickest blanket. A few minutes later, we all heard snoring. LOL!! What a sweetie. <3

Bing – Day 1

Oh. My. God.

Oh my God.

I’m fucking seething. I need to update the journal, but my hands are shaking badly, so I don’t think I can write much. This is the angriest I’ve been in a long time. Holy shit.

Can’t go into details right now.

New patient. Type: Cherry. Name: Bing.

I’ll elaborate on where he came from when I can; I’m too pissed off to write much now.

My ‘friend’ Rosita can go to hell.

Chapter Text

Bing – Day 4

Okay, so… sorry about that last entry. I was furious about the way Bing came to me. After a few days of cooling down and keeping busy with taking care of him, it’s time to get down everything that happened.

First of all, I take back the fact that I crossed out the final sentence of my previous entry. Rosita can go to hell, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure she rots in jail. There’s already evidence against her, so my job is just to catalog the evidence I’ve got.

I don’t talk much about my human friends in this journal, since that isn’t really what it’s for, but Rosita’s been someone I thought of as a great friend for five years now. We were in high school together, and since junior year, she worked at the local pet shop. Blueberry, Bear, and I liked to hang out there with her after school; since they carry Bitty stuff, I was always technically a customer. We all loved it. (Blueberry had this Savannah monitor friend who gave everyone else attitude but let him ride her, and more than once I found Bear napping in the puppy pen.)

Rosita and I stayed pretty close, even though I stopped visiting her at work after I opened the Center. Well… I mean, we haven’t talked much over the past few years, but up till now I’d always considered her a friend. Until the day Bing came to me, I didn’t even know she had a Bitty… it just makes me feel so… just… ignorant. Do I know any of my friends as well as I think I do??

Rosita had Bing for a year and a half, and at the moment, it’s only a guess to me as to what she did to him during that time. She came to my door at 11:00 at night three days ago, shoving Bing at me and saying she couldn’t deal with him anymore. This poor little guy was trying to fling himself out of my arms, begging for “Mama” to take him back, that he’d be better, that he was sorry. And she just left.

God, there was… blood… everywhere. Blood and liquid magic, just dribbling down Bing’s bones, his jacket was totally soaked. Most of it was coming from his eye… well, um. His eyesocket. Except, his eyelight there wasn’t lit up, whereas the other one was flashing a bunch of different colors. It… it was a stab wound. Something broke his eye. Um… let’s see. I know I stopped all the bleeding, and got his injuries mostly taken care of. Let me see if I can put them all down here.

• Right eye – stabbed + broken, eyelight no longer glows
• Skull – back – healed-over stab wound scar, medium size
• Left arm – broken bone, set as soon as it was found
• Right cheekbone – burn scar
• All metatarsals – visible teeth marks, as if they’ve been chewed on
• Various other scrapes, scratches, bruises, and scars across the majority of his body
• One missing metatarsal?? How did that even happen???

Suffice to say, with all the bandages I put on Bing, the poor baby looks like a mummy right now. All he’s done since he got here is cry and say he wants to go home. But I… I can’t let him go back to Rosita, can I? I don’t think he’d do this to himself, so beyond a shadow of a doubt, she’s been abusing him. For his own safety, he has to stay here. Or at least stay somewhere that isn’t with her.

The past three nights have been really unfair to my own friends and Moony, though. Blueberry, Bear, and Torch have isolated themselves in my room just to sleep at night. Moony needs the little sleep he can get, and now he’s not really getting any since Bing keeps crying. I can’t just abandon Bing, but this isn’t fair to the others. How do I calm him down? How do I get him to sleep and eat? How do I get him to realize that he can’t go back to Rosita?

I haven’t slept in three days, unless you count the times I close my eyes for more than a few seconds. My body’s running on nothing but cookies, caffeine, and determination. Time to do some serious research on short-term treatment of abuse victims.

This poor Bitty. His crying is ripping my heart out. :(

 Moony – Day 70

Hello, journal, my old friend, I’ve come to talk with you again.

Ugh, sorry. I still haven’t gotten much sleep, and it’s nighttime at the monster sleep clinic. Sooooo tired, LOL. Sleep is all around us and I can’t really rest. Everything’s kind of blurring together, so I’m not sure what time it is… don’t think it’s morning yet, though.

The doctor who’s monitoring Moony is nice. She’s an Asagi-type named Nereid and even though she’s not very chatty, she smiles at me whenever I look over. She’s also really understanding about me having Bing in here. Even Caduceus stayed home, actually… the rest of my buddies need to catch up on their sleep without a wailing Bitty in the house.

Bing stopped crying for now, but he’s clinging to me. it’s kind of making Moony curious, I think; he keeps rubbing his eyesockets and looking at us instead of trying to sleep. The last few days have made me wonder, just, is he okay? He’s been looking out of his box and inching toward me more lately. Is he lonely? Curious? Not feeling well? I asked him earlier, and he just kind of shrugged at me without giving a real answer. It’s not that big of a deal, I just… need to know if he’s not feeling well or if he’s feeling sick.

My eyes are getting kinda heavy, but I can’t fall asleep with Bing in my arms. Plus, how awful would it be for me to start snoring and leave Moony all alone? It’s no big deal, anyway. I can always catch up on sleep later. Hopefully my buddies won’t be too worried when we get home, and I know for sure that Caduceus will do his absolute best to take care of Moony and Bing while I’m asleep.

Moony just asked me what time it was, and I’m so tired that I couldn’t tell. So he’s got my phone now – I told him he could play on it, if he really wants. Hope he doesn’t stay up all night, though…

It looks like Bing is starting to get tired. His little eyes are trying to close. I can’t tell if Moony is reaching that point or not, though. When I gave him my phone, he was pretty awake. Ugh, they both need sleep…

Nereid doesn’t seem too awfully worried. Maybe she’s seen symptoms like Moony’s before? It just really concerns me because Moony is a Soft Bones. They sleep all day aside from meals, if you let them, and I haven’t purposefully disturbed Moony while he’s resting unless it’s time to eat. So how come he’s not sleeping as much as he should be…? Is it just an individual personality thing?? But then why is he so… I wanna call it – hypervigilant? He just seems to want to be alert all the time. That’s just the slightest bit worrying.

Ah, Bing’s asleep now! Looks like I was rocking him in my arms subconsciously while I jotted things down. Heh, is that all it takes to help him relax? Poor little fella. At least he’s resting now.

I still can’t fall asleep. My eyes are lingering closed a bit, whenever I blink, but I gotta stay awake for Moony and keep an eye on Bing even though he’s sleeping. Moony looks sufficiently entertained now, despite the fact that he also seems kinda sleepy. Fingers crossed that he’ll give in and go to bed pretty soon!

… Ah. Just me and Nereid when that happens. Or, given that Nereid is doing her job, maybe just me.

Looks like I’m in this for the long haul.

The things I do for the little guys I care about. <3

 Bing – Day 6

Boy, thank God for coffee. And Torch. Thank God for the fact that one made the other. LOL!!

… Mmmm, guess I’m still pretty beat from last night’s sleep clinic adventure with Moony. I really gotta put that out of my mind for now, though. A, Dr. Roman isn’t going to be available to give us results and junk for like a week. B, the Bitty I should be most focused on right now is Bing. Like… yeah, I have to give attention to all the others and make sure their needs are being met, but Bing is in the newest arrival. All my own little buddies can take care of themselves (and/or each other) if I’m either not here or just super distracted, and I know Moony’s issues well enough to keep him close to the front of my mind. Bing, though? Aside from the fact that he’s been abused pretty heavily, I have no idea yet whether or not he’s got anything else going on.

At least I got Bing to eat something? Seems like cinnamon bunnies are popular with new arrivals, heh. He still won’t really talk to me, though. He says things like “can I have more?” and “when is Mama coming to pick me up?” and “yes” and “no”, but if I try to start an actual conversation, he just… will not have it. Sigh. So many little issues with this poor guy, yet I’m just too tired to know exactly how to start dealing with them. Where do I even start? I’ve never treated anyone like Bing before… I learned about abuse and its effects and therapy for it when I was in school, sure. But learning about it in a classroom is a very different beast than coming face to face with it in person. What am I supposed to do…?

– Oh. Shit. Rosita’s trying to call me.

What the fuck does she want?

Chapter Text

Bing – Day 10

Ughhhh, my God. These last few days have been absolutely ridiculous.

Bing takes little naps throughout the day, but he’s not really sleeping too well at night. That would mean he and Moony should be buddies… except I’ve had Moony staying over at Mom’s most of these last nights. He needs what little rest he can get, and I know Mom takes good care of him. It even seems like Chill is sort of becoming his pal. Sometimes it feels like Moony’s even kinda… disappointed when he has to come back to the Center.

It shouldn’t upset me so much, honestly. I do want what’s best for him. It just kind of stings a little that what’s best for him may not be the Center. But until I can help him in the ways he needs to be helped, this is where he has to be. I just don’t know what I can do to make him more comfortable here.

Bing still cries a lot. He still wants to know when he’s “going home”. Meanwhile I’m trying to get a case together for the police to get Rosita charged for abuse and neglect. So even if I let him leave, his ‘mama’ is hopefully going to be arrested and put in prison. That means that he’d get put into protective custody, and given his level of abuse, he’d probably end up back here at the Center anyway.

Oh, yeah, speaking of Rosita. What she called me for was HILARIOUS. She wants Bing back.

And it’s like… how about, over my dead body? Even if she wasn’t the one who gave him all this injuries (and it’s very unlikely that she wasn’t), she still wasn’t taking good care of him if he ended up in this state.

So, obviously, I told her that she could fuck off if she thought I was handing him back to her so he could be abused again.

So what does she do? She screams at me that I can’t just take her ‘property’ and that she’s gonna get him back by any means necessary.

Hah… I guess that friendship’s out the window. But that’s fine. I think I’d rather lick a trashcan than go back to being her friend.

It kind of scares me, though. What exactly is she gonna do to get him back? Is she gonna, like, storm the Center in the middle of the night and kidnap him? If she comes to get him, he isn’t gonna stop her. Bing wants to be back with her. He’s not gonna have any complaints about going with her even if she shows up out of nowhere at a time when I’m not able to stop her.

What is she gonna do – call the cops? She can’t think that’ll work. The Center has cameras. I have evidence that she was abusing him. The police aren’t going to take anybody back to a place where they were being abused.

At this point, I’m kind of replacing Moony as far as the whole having-trouble-sleeping thing goes. After all, what if Rosita does try coming during the night? I’ve gotta be awake. It’s gotten bad enough that Blueberry took up guard duty – he’s apparently gonna stay up every night for a little bit so I can get a couple hours of sleep. He wouldn’t be able to stop Rosita on his own if she did come, even with magic, but… he’s loud. If anything happened, he’d raise hell until I woke up. Even though I don’t like relying on him, he is the one who offered to do it. So, I mean. If this is how things have to be for now, this is how things have to be for now.

Damn it. I should be able to take care of my patients. This sucks.

Bing – Day 11

Rosita came by during the day. This was the “last straw of trying to reason with me” before she escalated things, as she said. Oh, my God. She can’t be serious. It was HER DECISION to drop Bing off here. She’s the one who said she couldn’t take him anymore. Does that sound like someone who loves their companion? It doesn’t to me.

I made a mistake opening the door a little bit so I could talk to her. I think I made a mistake talking to her at all. Not only did Bing see her and try to get out the door, Rosita actually attempted to push me back and force her way inside. It took Blueberry AND Caduceus to keep Bing in the Center. It took all of my strength to get the door shut again.

I can barely even remember what she said. I’m shaking, and what’s worse is that I don’t know whether I’m shaking because I’m mad or because I’m scared. Both, I guess? If she’s willing to barge her way into my house that doubles as a recovery center, with no regard for anybody but herself, what else is she willing to do?

Shit. Maybe that whole ‘possibly coming to the Center in the dead of night to break in and take Bing’ situation isn’t 100% hypothetical.

That’s terrifying. I don’t know what I’m going to do…

Bing – Day 13

Okay, so stuff really needs to change around here, I guess.

Because I haven’t been sleeping very much, I’ve basically been dead on my feet during the day. It’s gotten to where Torch is the one doing most of the meal prep, and Blueberry’s still fancying himself as security, and Caduceus has to actually bring to my attention when somebody needs something. Usually there’s nothing that goes on around here that I’m not a part of, but… lately… I’ve just been so tired. I guess I’m paranoid that Rosita is going to come in the middle of the night to kidnap Bing. Even Bear’s tried to tell me to get some sleep, and most of the time he doesn’t speak so frankly like he did to me earlier.

That stuff concerns me. It’s what happened this morning that concerned me even more.

Mom stood at my door for a solid fifteen minutes trying to get in because she needed some help with Moony. She banged on the door like a crazy person. She called me on the phone three times. What was I doing? I was sleeping. I was passed out on the couch, and she was pounding on the door and both the Center phone and my cell phone were ringing at different points, and I didn’t wake up for fifteen minutes. The Bitties tried to wake me up, too. They tried to open the door for Mom, but it took them a while.

What could have happened in that time? One of them could have gotten hurt and I wouldn’t have been able to do anything. Rosita could have come back, sneaked in, and taken Bing. Mom could have been having a really, really, really serious problem with Moony (or Chill, for that matter) and I wouldn’t have been able to help. Things just keep running through my mind of all the terrible things that could have happened because they couldn’t wake me up. They… could have been thinking that I wasn’t going to wake up, ever.

Sure, I know that nobody can be expected to be available 24/7. But the reason I run the Center out of my house is because I want to be able to do as much as I can without running myself ragged. So that I can take a break if I need to while still being there if someone needs me. The fact that I made everyone panic because I haven’t been taking care of myself like I need to is so… awful. It was selfish of me to worry everyone, and even more selfish to neglect my health like I have been.

I… I think I really scared everyone. I scared myself, too.

It looks like I’m gonna have to cut the journal a little short this time.

I have to figure something out. This can’t happen again.

Chapter Text

DAY 500

Okay, it’s… been a little while. Not as long as some stretches I’ve gone without marking things down, but whew. Big things come in small packages.

So, it’s been just shy of another month since I’ve updated things here, and there have been a few… developments.

Buckle up; I think this is gonna be a long entry!

First of all, I was giving myself a headache trying to keep track of which day it was for everyone since I’d gotten them, so I’m just going to mark the days for everyone the same. That being, the first day I began to work with this journal, when I first brought Caduceus home, that was day 1. As of writing this, it’s day 500.

For my own sanity and future reference, this means the following:

• Caduceus has been with me for 500 days (woohoo!)

• Moony has been with me for 92 days

• Bing has been with me for 26 days (I think my math is right on that one…)

So from now on, it’s just gonna be one single number for everyone instead of trying to record their progress separately.

I also have a new Bitty here at the Center; more about him in a minute.

First things first, I’ve hired an assistant… so that my getting overwhelmed and passing the fuck out doesn’t happen again. Thankfully, given that the Center is funded by the monster government, and they’re the ones handing out paychecks, they allowed me to hire someone else since this place is expanding.

My assistant’s name is Jamal, and he’s probably a few years older than my mom. He actually has spent a long time working in monster and Bitty-specific hospitals. He was one of the first humans to work in the field of monster medicine… he’s also got a great bedside manner and all my guys love him so far. Moony even let Jamal hold him for a few minutes!

It’s a little hard to accept this, I guess. I always thought I’d be the one doing everything for all my patients, I thought I would be able to. It’s not easy coming to terms with the fact that I can’t handle everything.

Still. I know this is what’s best for everyone, and Jamal’s great. It’ll take some getting used to, but it’ll be okay.

Sooooo… right. Explanation about the other Bitty?

We found out where the teeth marks on Bing’s feet came from. I can’t say this enough: fuck Rosita.

Long story short, she apparently had another Bitty — a fucking Biteberry who she let chew on Bing when he ‘misbehaved’. Or, more accurately, she dangled Bing over this other guy’s cage and he would bite at Bing’s feet, whenever Bing did something she didn’t like.

The Biteberry is with me now. I think he’s a Brass Bite, because he doesn’t act like either a Pure Bite or a Blue Bites. He just growled when I asked his name, so I assumed Rosita never bothered to name him. For now, I’ll just call him Biteberry since he’s the only one of that type I have here, like I did with Caduceus at first.

Again, for reference, I’m gonna mark down anything abnormal about the physical condition he was in when he came to me.

BITEBERRY PHYSICAL NOTES

• about 2 ounces lighter than ideal weight

• back/left side of skull ― stab wound scar, almost identical to the one found on Bing

• bruises around mouth and on cheekbones ― assumed to be from constrictive muzzle

All in all, he’s in slightly better shape than Bing, physically, but considering they came from the same place, it’s pretty undeniable that he was abused too. He wants “Mama” back just like Bing does, maybe even more than Bing does considering the typical aspects of his type.

Anyway, wondering how I even got Biteberry in the first place?

Rosita’s in jail.

Thank God, of course! I’d put in a call to the monster community’s police force, and together with the human police, they did this undercover sting thing that I’ve only ever heard of in TV shows. As far as I know, she’s currently in temporary holding or whatever they call it, waiting for a hearing or a trial or… something. Hearing, maybe? I think that’s what comes before a trial? … I’m getting off topic! Whatever she’s waiting for, I’m either going to testify and/or submit evidence so she doesn’t just get away with this.

The police brought Biteberry to me because Better Places is the only real Bitty-focused rehab and therapy facility in Ebott. They told me they found him in a freaking closet, inside a cage, muzzled. And when they took the muzzle off, he bit one of them.

Actually, he bit me when I touched him, too. But if you’re expecting a Biteberry to not bite when they’re scared or upset, then maybe go back to school, because these little shits bite, even more than an Edgy would.

He can bite me all he wants. I’m not keeping that muzzle on him.

Like, sure… muzzles can be useful in new surroundings and stuff, especially with Biteberrys. But there’s no reason for someone to keep a muzzle on them, 24/7, or when they’re not a danger to anyone else. As long as he’s only biting me, it’s not a big deal; I mean, you wouldn’t put a muzzle on a snake because it bit you when you tried to lift it without warning, would you?

It makes me so mad. There’s pretty clear proof that Rosita was keeping this guy muzzled all the time except when she punished Bing. That’s not right. Those bruises around his mouth are from being muzzled too often and too tightly. He doesn’t want anyone even near him probably because it hurts so bad.

In the past few days since he’s been here, I’ve tried to ice the bruises a little. He never lets me do it for too long… always growling and snapping at me whenever he’s had enough. I think he doesn’t like the cold? Uuuugh. That’s the only way to dull the pain, though.

My other best bet is to try and get some Sea Tea and food into him. He’s gotta be starving… he’s almost 2 ounces lighter than he should be.

Other updates include the fact that… Moony had a sleepover at Mom’s! She sent me a really cute picture of Chill in Moony’s box with him, and Chill was sleeping, and Moony had that I’m-trying-to-stay-awake-but-I-could-start-snoring-any-second look on his face, haha.

Oh! That reminds me! We got the results from Dr. Roman back about the sleep test Moony had. It’s… good news but not good news?? Idk. It does mean we have an answer and can proceed with trying to help him, though!

Dr. Roman says he’s pretty sure Moony has somniphobia. Basically Moony is afraid of going to sleep and gets very anxious about it, even though obviously everybody needs sleep. He seems to have no problems once he’s asleep, in that everything looks good while he’s asleep. He just doesn’t stay asleep long, and has trouble going to sleep because he doesn’t want to for whatever reason.

I don’t know if I’ll ever fully understand why Moony doesn’t want to sleep… he thinks something will happen to him or someone else while he’s asleep, is my guess? Whatever he’s been through, the somniphobia probably developed from that, and if he doesn’t talk about it, he may never be able to sleep in a completely healthy way. Hopefully if we get around to actual, real therapy sessions, he’ll talk to me, but he still doesn’t quite trust me. He’s gotten a little better, just not to the point where he feels like he can talk to me.

Which is okay! We go at the pace that’s best for Moony, and if he doesn’t feel ready to talk yet, then we’re all just going to keep him comfortable and remind him that he’s in a safe space to open up when he wants to.

So, Dr. Roman suggested a few techniques to help Moony sleep, as well as a low-dose sleep aid medication. It won’t necessarily force him to sleep, but it’ll help him relax and slowly tamp down the anxiety so it’s easier to relax around bedtime. Having a routine helps, and guided relaxation might, so we’re going to start giving those things a shot.

Bing’s calmed down a little, although he still keeps asking when he’s going to go back to Rosita. I’ve learned that right now, it’s not the best idea to tell him he isn’t going back ― that only starts the crying and begging and then he stops eating.

Instead, I’ve started to redirect, and Caduceus has actually helped me a lot with that. Whenever we notice Bing getting anxious about wanting Rosita or asking when he’s going back, we try to gently direct him to do something creative. Caduceus had the bright idea to tell Bing that they can make something for her so that he can give it to her the next time he sees her. For some reason, thankfully, that seems to switch his brain onto whatever artistic task we suggest.

It’s a little sad, because we know that unless somebody fucks up, he’s not going to be going back to her. All the stuff he’s making to give her is just going to be his, but he’s making it thinking it’s a gift for his mama. My heart hurts thinking about the day he realizes that he really isn’t going back to her.

Whew. It’s been a while, but also it really hasn’t? So much feels like it’s happened, though.

Well, fingers crossed that things are going to work a little more smoothly from here on out, at least.

DAY 505

Wooow, today marks the first day that Biteberry let me feed him without snapping at my fingers!

It looks like he’s starting to understand that the muzzle isn’t going to be put back on. Maybe something to do with watching me smash it with a hammer and throw it in the trash can? Funny!

In turn, that seems to help him relax when I come at him with food. I don’t know what Rosita would do to him whenever she fed him at mealtimes or anything, but he always looks kind of hesitant to take whatever I offer. Honestly, it’s kind of rare that you see a reaction like what I’m seeing with him, I think, unless it’s because of some kind of abuse involving food. Uuuuugh.

Anyway, he’s been here for about a week and a half by this point. Other than this and the biting at me, he seems to be settling in okay. Not great, not happy, but okay. It could be a lot worse.

DAY 506

It definitely can be a lot worse. And it is.

Biteberry has been sort of isolating himself from most of the others, staying inside his little box. He hasn’t interacted much with any of them, and they largely have avoided approaching him.

Today, though… he came out of the box, and he caught sight of Bing.

I was stupid enough to hope that maybe because they’ve been through abuse together in the same house, they might have bonded or think of each other as siblings.

They do not.

What happened instead was that almost as soon as Biteberry saw Bing, he lunged at the poor little Cherry. And Bing… froze up in terror.

If it hadn’t been for Torch yanking Bing out of the way, I think Biteberry might have taken a chunk out of him.

So now the two of them are locked in my bedroom, with Torch trying to calm Bing down, and I’m out here with Biteberry. For a minute I had to hold him pretty firmly in both hands, doing my best to contain him and comfort him without hurting him.

I can’t just let him bite one of the others, but I also understand that he’s just as traumatized as Bing is and I don’t want him to feel like I’m trying to control him.

This… just got even more complicated.