Chapter Text
I didn't understand before. But now I do. I understand a lot of new things.
Firstly, I finally understand how one moment can change your entire life. I never bought into any of that crap, how one moment changes your destiny, blah, blah, blah. But now, I do believe that one moment can change your present circumstances forcibly, strangely and irrevocibly.
How did I arrive at this conclusion?
Well, we were off fishing together in order to get some video footage for our DVD. We had a good time. We laughed at my strange talent for fishing, laughed at Chris's girly reaction to the worms and laughed at you, Matt, acting the prat as usual and managing to catch a fish and then lose it.
We slept beside the lake that night, in a tent, to prolong and authenticate the adventure.
I woke up in the middle of the night to an unfamiliar darkness, broken only by Chris's snores. I unzipped my sleeping bag and clambered out of the tent, my sleep warmed skin crying out against the feeling of the cold night air.
The fire we had lit earlier had dwindled down to a pile of barely glowing embers, emitting about as much heat as a cigarette. I found my way uncertainly through the trees, peed and then surveyed what was around me.
The sky was clear, devoid of any clouds and a full moon shone down on me. I didn't want to go back to the tent.
I walked along, stepping over rocks, crushing leaves beneath my feet and brushing off branches which left damp trails on my skin.
I broke out through the trees and surveyed the lake. It looked like a sheet of ice and I could see the moon's reflection in it. There wasn't a single other sound except for my breathing. I felt an unbearable temptation to throw a stick into the glacial sheet of water in front of me, a childish desire to disrupt the lake's perfection and to delight in the ripples it would create.
I hunkered down behind a rock and poked around for a stick. I froze though, as I heard something else splashing in the lake water, pre-empting me. I held my breath and clutched my stick tighter. I crept over and peered my head around the rock to see who or what the intruder was.
It was you. I was about to chuck my stick at you and call you a tosser for scaring me, when it happened. That moment came which changed everything.
The moon shone down on you, picking you out and acting as a spotlight, showing your neat form squatting by the lake. You were dabbling your hands in the water, trailing them one way and then the other. You cupped your hands together, dipped them into the water and splashed the water over your face. The moonlight made your skin pale and luminescent. Drops of water glistened on your face and that was the moment. I realised that you were beautiful.
I had always known you were good looking. I knew that. You were good looking. Chris was good looking. Heck, even I was good looking. I understood that. I was still faintly amused by the groupies. I didn't get what they were obsessing about. But in that moment, I did. You weren't just good looking. You were beautiful. Ethereal. I found myself holding my breath as I looked at you, feeling stupified an unnereved. I didn't want to blink.
You continued your ablutions. you splashed your face again, closing your eyes, then opening them again, blinking away the drops of water. The water made your eyelashes clump wetly together, giving your eyes a soft look. Your eyes shone a muted grey in this strange light. I could only think of their usual electric blue and wonder how I had escaped noticing them for so long.
You then pulled your shirt off and your slender frame and taut skin was blanched bone white by the night light. You dipped your fine fingers into the water again, throwing the water over yourself, until your dark hair was slicked back from your face, like a duck's feathers, emphasising your arresting bone structure. Droplets rolled down your back and off your shoulders. I had to fight another urge to touch them and feel the dampness beneath my fingers.
Lastly, you lay back and pulled off your trousers and wearing only your boxers, you waded out slowly into the water, until it was over your knees. You didn't do anything. You only stood there, looking at the sky, Ripples emanated from your legs, becoming fainter and fainter.
I sighed deeply. I stood up, as you had your back turned to me, and I padded back to the tent as quietly and as quickly as I could.
I understand now how a moment can change everything. I understand how shockingly beautiful you are and felt my heart flutter strangely at this fact.
I also now understand the consequences of my unintentional voyeurism.
I don't think it's a sexual thing. I think it is just an appreciation of beauty. But that is hard to take and to comprehend as you are my best friend. it changes everything, that's the consequence. I can no longer touch you or have you touch me without a thought at the back of my head. We can no longer joke together, you knocking me to the ground, falling into my lap or resting your hand carelessly on my shoulder without seeing you as you were that night, without tnesing at your touch as I recognise how beautiful you are and in turn the strange power it now holds over me.