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there were so many things swimming in yoongi’s head lately, but none of them were pertaining to the unfinished songs in front of him, waiting patiently for his fingers to go back to clicking away and doing what he normally did. yoongi waited, too, but it didn’t come. nothing, in fact, came in mind except for his thoughts – thoughts that seemed to revolve around his life.
what was he even doing? what did he see himself doing in ten years? twenty years? he still couldn’t possibly be dancing as well as he did now with his aching joints and his accident prone body. eventually, it would all break down. maybe he would still rap, or maybe he’d just go back to hiding behind screens to make music for others. he didn’t know, but he wanted to know so, so bad.
and, it wasn’t always like this. everyone knew he was a guy that stayed in the moment, worried only about now and had loose plans that would change as easily as his mind. not knowing what was to come was never a problem. when he was adamant about wanting to do something, he would work at it with every fiber of his being (which may be why he forgot to eat so often before).
but, this – whatever this was – wasn’t going to be as easy to solve. he couldn’t just work at figuring out an intangible future that could change at the flick of their boss’s wrist at any time if they got out of line somehow.
and to add to his swirling, delusional mess of a head, his roommate kept plaguing his head like a record playing on repeat.
“hey, you comin’ home? i left some dinner out for you, but if you’re gonna be late, just let me know and i’ll keep it in the fridge instead.” a conversation he had too often with kim seokjin, who had his heart, his desires, his everything. it always pulled at his heart whenever he got the call and realized that he wasn’t the only one that he had to worry about anymore. he didn’t know how to feel about that, but somehow his mind cleared up a bit and heart felt a little lighter thinking about someone that wasn’t him (especially kim seokjin).
so, he decided to stop staring at his monitor blankly and replied back with a “coming” before heading out. it was quiet outside, something he appreciated more than anything nowadays. there were less people out now that it was half past one and it felt comfortable. the hyped up crowd and high energy of their concerts were things that yoongi would never take for granted, but there was something in him that was yearning from a break from it all for just a little bit. it was normal, of course, since all of them were worn out by now, but he envied how his bandmates didn’t need to recharge for so long. he wondered how that felt – to just be satisfied with a quick nap or two and then get back up as if they weren’t worked to the bone just a few hours before.
but as he crossed the threshold of their dorm quietly, sliding off his shoes as quickly as he could without falling asleep, he appreciated it. if they were all like yoongi, they probably would have worn out two years ago and not have been as popular as they are now.
he could practically hear taehyung’s exhilaration as he cleared another match in his favorite game with jungkook even though it was way past their bedtime (but then again, who was he to judge?), and the pages of namjoon’s new novel being flipped ever so gently until the whole book lands with a thud on his face when he accidentally dozes off. hoseok and jin were probably fighting sleep with their face packs on, while jimin knocked out right after dance practice, his rhythmic breathing a ‘soothing lullaby’ according to hoseok (he swears they’re all delusional after scheduled days).
somehow, he had garnered the energy to take one look at the plates and bowls set out for him on the kitchen table, brimming with all of yoongi’s favorites, and shove it all in the fridge instead when he felt himself doze off in his soup almost after one bite. with bleary eyes and two a.m. rolling in slowly, yoongi fumbled with the door knob before surprising an unaware seokjin crouched on the floor in front of his t.v. (technically, it’s theirs, but since it’s a whole three feet away from yoongi’s space, it’s jin’s).
“jesus, you’re gonna give me a heart attack one day,” he straightened up, stepping closer to yoongi with a frown. “welcome…back? are you okay?”
at this point, yoongi’s were half-shut, his brain was on autopilot, and wow, did jin smell good. was that pine? he thought jin threw away the pine cologne. oh, and his lips look extra plump tonight. did he use that new lip scrub he stole from hoseok’s sister? yoongi didn’t know they would work this well. like, how in the world would lip scrubs make lips feel this soft-
before yoongi realized where his lips were, he felt jin squirm under them and his eyes shot open immediately, backing away immediately. “oh my god.” he fell to his knees and bowed down with such speed that a clear thwack resounded through the room as his forehead met the ground. “i’m so sorry, hyung! it was an accident and i don’t know what came over me and oh my fucking-“
jin once again crouched down to bring yoongi up from his dramatics, examining his forehead to see if he left a bruise there (and how he would have to explain that it was from his roommate freaking out about the lamest accident). “it’s fine! everything is fine! i know you’re just tired and it’s okay.”
but even as he tried his best to reassure the rapper, yoongi kept on muttering apologies and how jin was going to hate him from now to eternity (a drama queen at his best). exasperated, jin massaged at yoongi’s forehead and fixed his bangs before giggling, “dumbass.”
yoongi whimpered, apologies still streaming out his mouth until he felt jin’s lips soft against his throbbing forehead. little pecks trailed down his nose, his cupid’s bow, and all the way to his lips where jin stayed for a beat longer before pulling back.
“there, now time for bed before you do something you regret even more,” jin said, tugging at yoongi’s hand and leading him to their conjoined beds (when did jin put them together?). even as they found themselves at the edge of their beds, shins bumping against the mattress, yoongi stayed silent.
jin just kissed him back – kissed him back. of all people, he didn’t expect to be graced by the higher powers above and be able to be jin’s object of affection. yoongi could still feel jin’s lips ghosting upon his face, and he was already desperate for the sweet taste that lingered on his lips. pushing his smart conscience aside, he made up his mind.
“yoongi?” confusion was written all over jin’s face as he tried to decipher what was going on in yoongi’s head, maybe even a hint of worry furrowing between his thick brows.
but, yoongi ignored it. he wanted to forget about everything for once and just accept the fact that he was already far too deep for kim seokjin, his comfort and his lullaby. he didn’t want to think so far into the future even though it was going to catch up with them all too soon. he just wanted a bit of love, and maybe a dash of hope, so with all the courage in his tiny, tired heart, he tugged back at jin and leaned into his space, whispering, “more.”