Archive of Our Own ^beta

Her time didn’t improve.

Why. Why?

She stared angrily at the clock which she had snatched from Nitori immediately after getting out of the pool.

The younger girl fumbled with a towel, looking worried but said cheerily anyway, “It’s okay, Matsuoka-senpai! Your form is great! Soon you’ll surpass Nanase-san, definitely!” She bowed slightly down, trying to catch Rin’s eyes which were currently hidden behind a barrier of hair.

Rin just growled and threw the clock back to Nitori, grabbing the towel. “No, I won’t. This is shit.”

She turned on her heel, heading out of the pool area with fast steps.

“Matsuoka-senpai! Where are you going?”

Nitori hurried after Rin after she had picked up her bag from the floor.

“Where do you think? Our room.”

“Aren’t you going to take a shower?”

Rin huffed. “No, I’m going out for a run.”

“Now? But it’s really late!”

“So? Just go to bed.”

Rin was aware of the lateness of the clock. She had gone to the pool after the allowed hours, ignoring Nitori’s pleas and words of reassurance that she’s good, great, the best at swimming, and didn’t need late night training. Like hell she didn’t. This evening was a clear evidence of that. She needed to focus harder.

Rin growled to herself once again upon entering their room, slamming the open harder than necessary. Nitori followed, careful like a scared cat. She stood still and watched Rin as she pulled off her swimsuit carelessly and instead put on casual running clothes. No need for professional stuff now. This was simply a means to cool her head.

Just as she was about to head out, MP3 player and everything ready, her phone buzzed on the bedside table. Rin groaned.

“Hand me that, Nitori. Don’t peek.”

“Of course not!” Nitori said, cheeks red. What. It wasn’t that a strange request. She’d never truly understand that girl and her prudency. What did she think Rin was texting about anyway? Sighing, she opened the message. It was from Gou. Shocker.

From: Little brother
Subj: Reminder
have you written to haruka-senpai yet? you two really need to talk!!! you did write the username down, right?

Rin frowned. Yes, she had written it down and promptly filed her brother’s request at the back of her mind. Haruka. She didn’t need to be reminded of the other girl right now. Feeling her irritation flaring up again, this time with a tint of jealousy, Rin shoved her phone down in her pocket.

“I’m leaving. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Nitori would probably go to bed as soon as Rin left. It was usually Rin keeping her up at nights with her schoolwork. Since she spent more time exercising and training than Nitori did, not much time was left for homework during the days.

Upon leaving the dorms, she put her headphones in her ears and initiated a light jog. The sounds of some braindead skate punk (she didn’t even remember the name of the band) filled her head and managed to drown out her thoughts pretty efficiently.

For a while.

After about half a mile or so, they started to surface once again. More precisely, the ones concerning a certain dark-haired girl.

Haruka.

She really thought that she had both surpassed her and gotten over her jealousy when she had returned to Japan. But as soon as the other girl had caught her eye in their old swim club a few weeks ago, everyone and everything else had been tuned down a notch and that competitive nerve she had managed to suppress for so long had once again made itself a home in her stomach. She hated to admit it, but it had made her feel alive again.

The jealousy was a side effect of that. The other girl still moved through the water like a dolphin without a care in the world. She hadn’t been using her talent as she should’ve. Until that Rei had come along.

Rin had begged (no. not begged. she had totally not begged.) Haruka to start swimming seriously again for Rin’s sake, but Rin had started to regret that after that Haruka seemed to focus all of her energy on Rei and not herself. Incompetent stupid glasses girl. Did she really think that she would truly replace Rin?

Wait.

Why was she upset about that again?

She grit her teeth, turning up the volume and started running faster.

The other team had managed to make it to regionals. In a relay. Rin would be swimming with Haruka again. Against Haruka. This time in a relay. She’d show her that her team really was the better one. That she was getting along fine without her.

Shit. Why was it such a big deal?

Rin slowly pulled down to a halt. Picking up her phone to check the time, she saw that Gou had messaged her again.

From: Little brother
Subj: listen!!!!!!!
hellooooo?? can you please reply? she’s going to bed soon, probably!! just add her. it can’t be that bad. you could at least apologize. you behaved like such a dick after your race. you’re both girls, you should be able to figure your problems out.

At the last sentence, Rin got angry for real. What did them being girls have to do with anything? She vigorously typed his reply.

To: Little brother
Subj:
Shut up. I’ll do things my way. Go to bed.

She checked her surroundings, still seething with anger. She had without noticing ended up close to their dorms again. She must’ve been running in circles. Suddenly feeling very tired, she started walking towards the building.

Her whole body felt heavy, and as soon as she could she threw herself on the bed with a groan, not caring if Nitori woke up or not. She didn’t even feel like taking a shower. That wasn’t like her. She probably smelled nasty. Whatever.

Picking up her phone again, she saw that Gou still hadn’t replied. Good.

Maybe he had a point, though. She really had been kind of… mean. But she had just been happy after the race. Finally achieving something. Haruka would be okay, right?

Turning on her side, she stared at her phone without really registering anything.

After a few minutes, she started up the Skype app, and put in a certain name in the “Add contact” option.

---

Haruka was satisfied.

She had lovely sounds in her ears, and was thinking about the bath she would take later. Living alone certainly had its perks. She had to finish her assignment for school first, though, or Makoto would never leave her alone about it.

Oh right. Makoto. Maybe she had written something.

Haruka opened her eyes, peeking at her computer.

She was correct. The Skype icon at the bottom of the screen was an upset orange color. Clicking it, she saw that Makoto had indeed written. A lot.

Makoto

Haruka? How’s it going?                                        22:23
Haru                                                                        22:23
Haru I’m getting nervous                                      22:24
Haru are you taking a bath                                   22:26
are you working on your assignment?                22:26
Haru                                                                        22:27
Have you fallen asleep                                          22:30

Sighing, she leaned forward to answer her friend.

Haruka

yes                                                                          22:34

Not ten seconds later, there was an answer.

Makoto

Yes what                                                                22:34

Yes to that she was there, of course. Now Makoto knew. No need to answer.

Just about to close the window and actually start to get some schoolwork done, she noticed an icon just above Makoto’s name in the contact list. Had someone added her? Who?

She rose her eyebrows, genuinely curious.

Hi Haruka, I’d like to add you as a contact. shark_girl

The generic message made her frown. Shark girl, though. She only knew one person that probably still liked sharks enough to actually use it as a nickname. Slowly, slowly, she clicked the “Accept” button.

The contact immediately shifted to Online in the list to the left.

shark_girl

Hi                                                                                    22:39

Haruka

what                                                                               22:40

shark_girl

what do you mean “what”?                                           22:40

Haruka

what do you want                                                          22:41

It had to be Rin. It couldn’t be anyone else. How had she even gotten her username? Haruka had a nagging feeling Gou had something to do with this. Or Nagisa. Could be both. She would confront them about the whole thing later.

The answer took quite a long time to arrive, and in the meanwhile Makoto had written a few messages just like the ones before. Haruka ignored them.

shark_girl

I really don’t know                                                          22:45

Haruka

ok                                                                                     22:45

shark_girl

You’re terrible at making a conversation                     22:45

Haruka

youre no better                                                               22:45

shark_girl

I think I want to apologize.                                            22:47

That took Haruka by surprise. She didn’t answer. She waited for Rin to elaborate herself.

shark_girl

I’m sorry.                                                  22:48

Haruka

i dont think its ok                                     22:49

Because it wasn’t. Rin had made her feel worse than ever before just a few days before, worse than she had thought she was capable of, and it had only been because of her friends she had managed to pick herself up again. That sadness hadn’t been logical, and this sudden was apology even less so.

Rin didn’t answer.

Sometime along their conversation, the song that Haruka had put on about half an hour ago had stopped. She absentmindedly clicked at it again, and leaned back. Oh well. She shouldn’t let it bother her. Everything was alright. Really. Probably.

Time for a bath. The assignment could wait.

---

Haruka

i dont think its ok                                     22:49

Rin stared at her phone.

It wasn’t okay. It wasn’t okay after all.

Shit.

What had she done?

A tiny, ridiculous part of her was feeling something like pride. Pride over finally managing to reach out to Haruka. To disturb her.

But.

There was a huge “but” there. That feeling was dulled significantly by the realization that Haruka had been hurt. Did she really want the other girl to feel that?

… What could she even do about it?

After laying still for what must have been ten minutes, she made up her mind, pulled off her hoodie and shirt and put on a tank top that wasn’t as nasty as her current t-shirt and grabbed another sweatshirt from her wardrobe. The sweatpants would have to make do.

She was going to Haruka. She inwardly cursed at Gou for starting this whole mess in the first place (no. he hadn’t. really. it was her own fault.), but it couldn’t be stopped now. She had to face this.

For the third time that day, she started running, this time with a goal. As she made her way to the station, she felt small raindrops starting to fall on her face. So fucking typical. Goddamn cliché.

She was lucky with the trains, though. It arrived as soon as she got to the station; a small miracle considering how late is was.

By the time she reached the stop that was closest to Haruka’s home, the rain had started pouring. After five minutes, she would be completely drenched. She sighed and pulled her hood up.

Her feet still remembered the way to Haruka’s house, even though it was years since she last had been here. What was she even doing? What was she trying to accomplish? She didn’t really know. She just went with the flow now, whatever that flow was.

---

Haruka glanced at the bathroom window. It had started raining. Cozy.

The bath only worked partly in getting her to relax, however. Letting out a small breath, she submerged under the water.

Rin’s apology was still buzzing at the back of her mind; like an annoying firefly that was pulsating, reminding her of the unwanted emotions in uneven waves.

She really didn’t want to confront those feelings right now. She had gradually filed them away since the race she had lost, and this was threatening to spread everything all over the place again. She never should’ve made an exception. She should have stayed in her bubble. It was much more comfortable.

The oxygen in her lungs started to wear out, and she put her nose just over the surface to stock up on some air before going under again. Hearing a faint banging from below made her pause, though. What. Did Makoto get so worried she actually came to Haruka’s house? She should know by now that it was anything unusual about Haruka just disappearing from her computer without saying a word. Nothing to be upset about. Oh well. If she wanted anything special, she’d just enter the house.

A second burst of knocks were heard, making her frown.

Hm.

Haruka groaned. Such a pain.

She got up, slowly, not really wanting to leave the water at all, and picked up a towel, drying her feet a bit before heading downstairs. Whoever was at the door had to survive her being in only her swimsuit and a towel. She didn’t care.

When she opened the door, she was surprised. Or, well, not fully. She realized she had been kind of prepared for the redheaded girl to show up. Always the drama queen.

At the moment, she looked like a deer caught in headlights, with her fist risen ready to knock on the door just before Haruka had opened it. Quickly lowering it, she stuffed both of her hands in her pockets and looked away.

“Why are you here?”

“I don’t know.”

A moment of silence passed.

“You’re saying that a lot today.”

Rin just huffed at this and rose her head slightly to look at Haruka. She noticed that Rin’s bangs hung very wet in her face, and then realized that all of her was kind of dripping.

“You’re soaked,” she stated, face plain.

“Yeah. Tends to happen when it rains like heaven’s got a serious problem with you.”

Haruka stood still, very still, weighing her options. The other girl really looked miserable.

“Do you want to come in?” she said finally, deciding on that it would, after all, be the least fatiguing thing to do. The thought of slamming the door in Rin’s face was kind of appealing, but still she suspected that she would start to feel sorry for her after a while, whether she wanted to or not.

And that would be even more annoying.

---

Haruka’s question left Rin at a loss for words. The other girl had already taken a step back, moving away from the door, showing that it wasn’t an empty invitation.

But well. Haruka had never been the one to lie, either.

Slowly, slowly, Rin nodded, pulling her hood off as she came into the house. Inside, she stood awkwardly in the hallway. Haruka looked at her for a second, and then went further into the house, probably heading for the kitchen.

Her hair was wet. She had plausibly been bathing. She liked to eat stuff after being in the water, Rin recalled. Carefully removing her shoes and placing them neatly beside each other, she followed Haruka.

The other had already started to fry something by the time Rin entered the kitchen.

Glancing over her shoulder, Haruka swiftly removed the towel she had wrapped around herself and threw it at Rin, grabbing an apron with her unoccupied hand.

“Here. It might be kind of damp, but try to dry yourself off. You look horrible,” she said, attention already once again focused on her cooking. A nice smell was starting to spread throughout the room. Fried fish, without a doubt.

Rin’s stomach suddenly made an embarrassingly loud sound, and she felt herself blush and saw Haruka’s shoulders jump a little, indicating that she had heard it too… and was laughing at her. Fucking hell.

“You can have some as well, if you want to.” The smile in her voice was very prominent. Huh. Maybe going here hadn’t been a complete waste of time, after all. Nevertheless, the situation was embarrassing. At least Haruka couldn’t see her face.

“I… yeah. I’d like that. And some tea.”

“So demanding,” Haruka hummed. “This is finished,” she added after a few seconds.

“What? That was fast…”

Haruka just shrugged and got them some plates. One fish for Rin and… two for herself? Wow. No manners. Rin frowned.

“Oi. This isn’t fair.”

“I’m hungry. I don’t have more than this at home at the moment. I’ll make you tea instead after I’ve eaten.”

Rin made a displeased sound, but started eating in silence. It wasn’t awkward, though, much to her surprise. It felt… normal. Almost.

Haruka finished her food faster than Rin, despite her having more, and rose to make some tea. Rin followed her with her eyes as she rummaged through a cupboard, standing on her toes to reach. She never had gotten any taller than Rin, even though they had been about the same height when they were younger. Her body had gotten more feminine than Rin’s, as well. Rin’s body was kind of straight, although not flat, still. She was okay with that, though.

… Haruka’s hips were prettier than hers.

Haruka must’ve felt Rin’s gaze on her back, because she turned around with a frown.

“What.”

“Ah… nothing.” Rin felt her face heat up again. “Do you need… help?” Her voice broke at the last syllable. What the hell.

Haruka huffed, returning to the cupboard, once again on her toes.

Had that been… a blush? On her cheeks? Or was that Rin’s imagination?

In any case, the atmosphere in the room got kind of thick.

“Here’s a mug, here’s some tea. The kettle is there.”

“What. This isn’t making tea.”

Haruka shrugged, averting her eyes.

“I’ll put on some clothes. Uhm. Stay here.” She turned, heading for the stairs. Right. Her room was upstairs. Still.

Rin waited for a few minutes, and brought her mug to the counter, putting the kettle on. Finally starting to dry up, she was feeling way too hot. Maybe tea wasn’t a very good idea after all. It would calm her, though. Her heart was beating fast. She was more nervous than she had thought. She was in Haruka’s house. Why was she there, again? She had forgotten about her original mission. Had she even had one? What was she thinking?

Putting her forehead against the same cupboard Haruka had been looking through earlier, she made a disgruntled sound and listened to the soon-to-be-boiled water. She didn’t notice Haruka’s footsteps until she was right behind her.

“Rin.”

Her voice was soft, but it made Rin jump nonetheless and she clumsily tipped the mug over. Both of them reached for it at the same time, resulting in their heads coming together with a loud thud. Rin yelped, out of pain and the situation. What was this, a romantic comedy?! Through the tears in her eyes that had welled up, she saw that Haruka at least had saved the mug.

And she was looking at her with a confused expression. Not angry. Just confusion.

Too close.

Rin stood up, too fast, making her head spin a little. Damn, she must’ve hit Haruka harder than she thought. How the hell was the other girl so unaffected?

“Here,” she said plainly while standing up, handing Rin her cup. After that, she fidgeted at the rim of the shirt she now had on. Huh. That wasn’t like her.

“I was going to ask if you’re planning on… sleeping here. We’ve got a sofa, but… it gets kind of cold down here during the night. I can try to find a futon. Then you can sleep on my floor.”

Haruka wasn’t looking at her while she uttered the longest string of words Rin had heard her say in a long time. Rin was kind of happy about that, because she felt a blush coming on again. Stupid.

“Uh. Sure.”

Haruka nodded at Rin’s words, and hurried somewhere to find a mattress. Rin remembered the water, which was now hot, and poured it to finally make some tea. Not that she was cold any longer. Not at all.

She still felt infinitely awkward.

Carefully sipping her tea, she started a slow trek to Haruka’s room, taking in the sight of the house on her way there. Everything looked as it had done when she’d been here as a kid.

She paused a second outside Haruka’s room to collect her courage. Why was she so nervous? It was just a room. And why was she still there? She had school tomorrow, for fuck’s sake. Why couldn’t she just leave?

Scoffing, she pushed the door open and went inside.

And there stood Haruka, in just a t-shirt and panties, in the middle of puffing up a pillow. Oh god wow what.

Why was this so much worse than a bathing suit. Ah, right. Because this was in Haruka’s room. This was personal. Not many people saw her like this, with Makoto being a likely exception. In her room that looked exactly like it always had.

Rin was snapped out of her daze by a pillow in the face.

“Don’t make that face. I’ve brushed my teeth, I’ll just go to bed now. You know where the bathroom is.”

Rin gulped and went to the bathroom, pillow still in her arms. Upon arriving, she remembered that she hadn’t brought a toothbrush or deodorant for the next day or clothes to sleep in or anything and oh man maybe she’d get to borrow something from Haruka—

She fiercely put some toothpaste on her finger and started rubbing at her teeth. Sharp, sharp teeth. She didn’t know when they had turned out that way. They just were. It was strange, but she knew how to not hurt herself with them, at least.

When she returned to Haruka’s room, the other girl was firmly tucked in under the sheets, and Rin sighed. The real reason behind the sigh remained to her unknown, though, be it relief or disappointment.

No borrowing of clothes, then. And she still hadn’t showered. Whatever. It was just Haruka here, anyway.

Laying down on the mattress that had been prepared for her, she made herself a cocoon out of the blanket and hugged the pillow tightly. If Haruka had been awake, she would have asked for another one to actually put her head on, but this had to make do.

After a few minutes, she was fast asleep.

---

She awoke with a gasp; she was drenched in sweat, clearly visible on her skin thanks to the light shining in from the window. The clouds must’ve cleared sometime during the night.

But shit. That nightmare again. She swore under her breath, sitting up.

“Rin?”

Rin flinched. For a moment she had forgotten where she was.

“It’s… okay. Just a nightmare.”

“Hm.”

Rin heard Haruka shift on her bed, and turned to look at her. She seemed to have discarded the blanket, and the curve of her hip was more noticeable than usual thanks to the lighting from behind. Her face was shrouded in darkness, though, but Rin thought that she could make out a frown.

“You still look terrible.”

Rin choked out a small laughter.

“Yeah, I’ve been drenched in various kinds of water the whole evening and I think I need a shower, really, but… uh, what are you doing?”

Haruka was suddenly very close, having slipped down to the floor, kneeling beside Rin’s mattress.

“What. I mean the nasty kind of water, mostly. Sweat, dumbass. Don’t go water freak on me.”

Haruka straightened up a little, tucking a strand of hair behind her left ear.

“Rin… I can’t sleep.”

Rin felt it as her heart was trying to hammer its way out of her chest with a small, small, painful pickaxe.

Everything was on edge. She’d have to answer. Something. Quick. Clever.

“… Okay.”

Fabulous.

Haruka sighed, slowly, tiredly, and rose up to return to her bed. She looked broken, suddenly.

Probably both of them did.

And in a fit of clarity, stupidity, fondness, call it what you want, Rin reached out and grabbed Haruka’s ankle.

“Haru.”

Rin felt a shudder go through Haruka at the mention of her name, and she loosened her grip a little.

The move was now Haruka’s.

… and the other girl continued to her bed.

Rin laid still, kind of dumbstruck. What was that about?

… What had she been hoping for?

Just as she curled in on herself again and suppressed the growing warmth in the pit of her stomach (goddamn it. gay. gay gay gay. why now.), a small indistinct sound was heard from the bed by the window, and Rin made another decision.

She stumbled up and all but threw herself on the lump that was Haruka and placed herself on top of her, pinning her arms down.

The look on Haruka’s face was now… frightened? Maybe it was the teeth. Rin snapped her mouth shut.

“I don’t know what to make out of you, Rin,” Haruka said and stared firmly at anything but Rin. “Without wanting to, I keep making exceptions for you—“

Rin sneered, interrupting Haruka rudely. “What exceptions?”

Now the shorter girl looked pissed. “To swim with you. To swim for you. I wanted to swim with you. Then you ruined it. I don’t know what you wanted. Does it feel good? And I don’t know what you want now either. What are you trying to accomplish?”

Haruka inhaled deeply, as she had said all of that in the same breath.

“Let go of my wrists.”

Rin ignored her. “I don’t know what you want either. Why are you letting me stay here? Hey, look at me. I don’t have any creepy telepathy skills. Answer me!”

Sideways glare.

“Try to figure that out by yourself. I’m tired of thinking.”

A feeling that felt like cold, wet cotton settled all over Rin, and then warmed up just a second later as she realized something. Her body felt weightless on the inside.

“Should I elaborate my apology?”

“Didn’t I say so before?”

“No,” Rin mumbled, sunk down, and placed a soft kiss on the other girl’s neck, since her face was still turned away. Her skin was soft. Very soft.

… for how long had she wanted to make sure of that?

When she wasn’t pushed away, Rin let go of Haruka’s wrist and laid down on top of her, staying very still.

“You’re heavy.”

Rin snorted, an ugly giggle. “All muscles. You know that.”

She didn’t feel heavy. Her insides were still made up of what felt like cotton, and she welcomed the unfamiliar sensation.

“It’s still hard to breathe. Move, please.”

Rin rolled off, laying on her side, regarding Haruka’s face in profile. She didn’t make an attempt at getting Rin to leave the bed, though, and pushing back all the butterflies in her chest, Rin scooted closer, putting her arms around Haruka’s waist. Ah, that waist. When had she started thinking about it, really?

They didn’t need to talk.

When they had been little, it had mostly been Rin speaking, making demands, telling everyone about how things was going to be. Haruka had scowled but still gone with it eventually.

Now when Rin was the one not managing to get her thoughts across in a coherent way, Haruka still followed.

Maybe that was what she meant.

Maybe she trusted her after all.

Maybe that was the reason Rin’s comment at their race had hurt her.

Rin couldn’t even find a metaphor for the emotions swirling all throughout her body. Instead, she sighed and removed Haruka’s hair from her neck that was tickling Rin’s face, and pulled the blanket over them both.

This was enough for now. They would make do. They could try to communicate again tomorrow.

Rin was now aware of the window in Haruka’s defensive wall. The window which only she had managed to break.

Haruka’s defense was all on the outside. Rin protected herself with sneers and words from the outer world. She hadn’t noticed the storm on the inside that she was causing herself.

Because now it had stilled. It wasn’t a storm; it wasn’t clouds and cotton.

It was all lukewarm, calm water.

So yes. They’d figure something out. Later. Together.

~fin