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"It's not a thing."
"It's a thing."
"It's not a thing, dammit."
"It's a thing."
Louis could hear the smirk in his voice; he could hear it curling around Harry's words and he could practically hear the smug tilt to his lips.
"It's not."
Harry's arms squeezed where they sat around his waist. Louis felt snug and warm with Harry wrapped around him.
Harry tucked his face into the back of Louis' neck and his voice just barely floated over Louis' shoulder. "It's a thing."
Harry's legs were tangled in Louis' own where they were laid out lengthwise on their sofa. Louis' back was pressed up against Harry's broad chest. He slotted into the spaces of Harry's body like a puzzle piece; like all the gaps were made for Louis to fill. His smaller hands tucked neatly into Harry's bear paws and his toes tapped against Harry's calves. Harry's shoulders stooped over to completely envelope Louis so everything was HarryHarryHarry and Louis had never felt more content.
Heat prickled at his cheeks.
"It's not a thing," he hissed.
Harry squeezed again so Louis could feel the pressure of Harry's arms. He felt the weight of Harry's whole body around him, felt his size overwhelming him in a way that left him with a soft glow in his tummy. Dammit.
Harry kissed the back of his neck and his smile tickled the soft skin there.
"It's a thing."
~
Louis didn't really think about it after that evening but sometimes Harry would curl around Louis in bed till just his toes and fingertips were peeking out from the way Harry wrapped him up in his arms. Louis would whine and huff and Harry would just litter kisses along Louis' shoulder and eventually Louis would quiet down with a resigned sigh, ready to face this particular hardship.
Other times it'd be in the morning. Louis would be at the stove setting up their kettle (that was the only thing he was allowed to do that involved the stove without Harry's supervision). Harry would pad into the room, his bare feet shuffling softly against their tile floors.
He'd plop his curly head onto Louis' shoulder; Louis knew he had to slouch down to reach and it wasn't comfortable for his back but that never stopped Harry. Louis would reach up and brush his fingers through Harry's curls, gently working through the few knots left by their pillows. Harry hummed happily. Louis laughed. Harry always sounded like a kitten being scratched right behind the ears.
"Morning, babe," Louis would murmur into the soft morning glow of their kitchen.
Harry would make noise between a purr and a grunt and it worried Louis how endearing he found it. Harry would shuffle closer then and Louis could feel his presence, big and expansive all along his back. Harry's hands always settle on Louis' hips and when he looked down he'd see Harry's fingertips almost meeting on his stomach.
"Morning, Lou," would finally be Harry's answer and it'd come out low and gravelly, echoing between Louis' ribs and warming him up in a way tea never could.
And Louis would always forget himself. He'd melt into Harry's embrace, let himself sink into Harry's chest and feel Harry's hands move, slow and sweet like they had days to just stand and feel each other. His arms would wrap around Louis and pull him close, close, closer until Louis could believe they were the only two in the world and nothing existed beyond their kitchen and Harry's long arms and long torso and long legs bracketing Louis' smaller frame.
Then the kettle would whistle and Louis would stiffen and bite his lip till the delicate skin broke and Harry would chuckle into Louis' hair.
Wherever it was, every time Harry would squeeze Louis around the waist once more and whisper, "It's a thing."
~
It may have been before a performance. It could have just been an interview. Louis wasn't sure anymore. He couldn't keep track of their schedule. Someone just needed to hand him a plane ticket or call a car and he'd probably get where he needs to go. Probably not on time.
Harry snuck up behind him again; that seemed to be his favorite place. That way he could line up their shoulders and cocoon Louis in his arms.
Louis usually protested more but he could feel an unusual knot of nerves coiling in his gut and it was making him extra fidgety. It was comforting to have Harry's weight around him, grounding him for a few moments. He let his eyes flutter closed and tried to match his breaths to the ones lightly pressing against his back from the rise and fall of Harry's chest.
"Aye, lookin' cozy there, Lou."
Niall's voice crashed through the pleasant fuzzy haze around him. Louis froze up in Harry's arms.
"Y'know, Lou," Liam grinned, suddenly appearing beside Niall, "I never really noticed how small you are compared to Harry."
"It's okay, he likes it," was Harry's response. Louis could hear his dimples.
"Looks like it, don' think I've ever seen him lookin' so relaxed," Niall's face had gone soft around the edges as he gazed at Harry folded over Louis. And normally Louis would tease Niall for looking like such a sap. Normally he'd look up at Harry and share their own soft smile. But nothing felt normal. Harry's arms were too tight and Louis' skin felt too hot and there wasn't enough air in this tiny green room because it was true. Niall was absolutely right and that made a ball of something dark and heavy sink inside Louis.
When Louis remained unmoving Harry prodded him softly.
"Lou? Babe, you okay?"
Harry could probably feel the tension under his hands as it winded through Louis.
"I - just. Air." Louis choked out. Harry let his grip fall away when Louis pushed and he was grateful for that. He needed a minute to himself, without Harry, he just couldn't think with Harry swirling through all his senses.
Louis spun around looking for the door or a window or a fucking rabbit hole, anything to get him away. He could feel his muscles clenched tense and tight and he knew he was moving frantically. He resolutely avoided his band mates' eyes as he fumbled with the door handle and stumbled out of the room. He pushed through a few more doors, not knowing at all where he was going but he ended up finding a door that led outside. It opened to a small alley behind the studio. Louis let the door slam shut behind him as he moved to sit across from it. He slid down against the brick wall. He pulled his knees to his chest and focused on the way the grainy wall dug into his back. It stung the slightest bit and it was so much easier to concentrate on that than the muddled up thoughts running through his head. Louis wrapped his arms around his legs more tightly and squeezed. He squeezed like Harry would but it didn't feel the same. He tried to do it tighter, like maybe if he did it tight enough he could fold himself up as small as possible and disappear and take these feelings with him, somewhere they'd never be found. But it did nothing for his buzzing nerves. It just made a tiny pulse of pain start beating between his eyes.
"Fuck," Louis breathed against his knees.
"Lou?"
The door in front of him slowly crept open and Harry's head peeked around the frame. Louis propped his chin up on top of his knees as Harry stepped completely out of the doorway. He was looking up at Harry who didn't step out further into the alley. He kept his back against the door with his hands folded up behind him. His hair looked taller than usual, the way his curls got when he ran his hands through them too much.
Harry sucked his bottom lip into his mouth.
"Liam said I should wait," Harry finally said after staring at Louis with wide, worried eyes. "Give you some space. But. I just." He shrugged like that could finish his thought for him. Louis wanted to laugh because it did. Louis knew exactly what he meant; space had never really been a concept known to them from the beginning. They'd fallen into living out of each other's pockets as easily as taking their next breath. After their meeting in the X Factor bathrooms everything came naturally. The feel of Harry's arms around him was never something Louis had needed to get used to. It felt like finding the thing that he hadn't known was missing in his life. And the more Louis thought about that, the scarier it got.
Louis closed his eyes to shut out the image Harry presented, toes pointed in and cheeks pink, his teeth gone back to worrying his lip. Louis had always felt like he had a grasp on every situation. He liked it that way. Harry made him lose a little of that. It was too easy to get lost in the feel of Harry. The way one person could so simply and quickly make everything else fall away for him terrified Louis. Louis felt like loose threads coming apart and the right pull would make him unravel completely.
He squeezed his knees tighter. It was never enough.
"Louis," Harry's voice was low and full. "Please talk to me. I can't stand this. I'm sorry for whatever I did. Tell me and I'll fix it. I'm sorry. Louis."
His voice quivered on the last word and Louis' eyes snapped back up to Harry. His cheeks were maddeningly pink and his eyes wet and bright in the light.
"Harry, shut up."
"Sorry."
Louis groaned and Harry immediately opened his mouth to apologize again. "Harry, don't. You have nothing to apologize for so stop. I'm just a stupid twat that can't handle emotions."
Harry's brow furrowed at that. "You're not a stupid twat."
Harry looked genuinely offended for Louis. Louis felt helpless as a wave of fondness for his boy swept through him.
"Babe," was all Louis mumbled as he let go of his knees and splayed his legs out across the alley. Harry tentatively stepped forward at the invitation. He gingerly folded himself down against the wall as well. Louis scowled as Harry's legs reached farther than his.
"You're a fucking giant. Why are you so big," Louis grumbled out. He tried to kick at Harry's feet and managed only at his ankles.
"M'not. You're just smaller than me."
This was a conversation they'd had dozens of times but this time Harry's voice was soft and wavering. His hand knocked against Louis' knuckles uncertainly.
Louis turned his hand over and tangled their fingers together. "I'm normal sized. Pretty sure you're the overgrown child."
Harry didn't respond to that. He opted for running his thumb over the back of Louis' hand. Harry's hand completely engulfed Louis'. It felt warm and secure; Louis could feel the tension melting out of him.
"Dammit," Louis let his head fall into the space between Harry's shoulder and neck. Harry simply pressed his cheek against the top of Louis' head.
Louis cleared his throat. It sounded loud in the quiet of the alley.
"You know I love you, right? A lot. I love you a lot. Like, stupid amounts." Harry just gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He didn't move otherwise and Louis was once again so grateful for this boy.
"Right. Well. I love you quite a lot and it - it kind of scares me, to be honest. Like, that I can have this many feelings for one person. And that one person can make me feel so much. I can't even control the way I feel around you, y'know?" Louis was whispering and it felt nice to think his words were just getting lost in the air, a secret between him and the gritty brick walls. Even though he knew that Harry was taking in every word. Harry always listened to Louis; he listened with wide trusting eyes and little touches.
His thumb never stopped on Louis' hand.
"Can I ask you a question?" came Harry's quiet voice.
"If you must." That earned him another gentle squeeze.
"Is it a bad thing? That you can't control it?"
Louis sighed. "I know the right answer is probably no, it's not, but it feels like it is. To me. I don't like it. And it's not like I don't love the way you make me feel, Haz, yeah?" Louis felt Harry nod. "Yeah. No, I love that. You're incredible and I love you and I love the way I am with you. It's just terrifying how much I do. Does this make any sense?"
More nodding. "Yeah, 'course. But you don't need to be scared. M'not scary." Louis smirked at how true that was. "Shut up I can hear you thinking from over here." Louis giggled. "Idiot. But like, if you ever need some space, Lou, that's okay. As long as you come back."
Louis squeezed Harry's hand maybe too tight. "Always."
They sat in comfortable silence until Harry broke it, his voice still soft.
"Can I hug you now?"
Louis huffed out a laugh.
"Please."
Louis crawled over Harry's gangly legs and settled himself in the space between them. Harry's arms immediately found their way around his waist and pulled him in close. It felt like coming home.
Louis nosed against Harry's arm. "Fuck, I love you too much."
Harry shook his head. "Nope. Not possible. And never as much as I love you."
"Oh God shut up. No. We are not doing this. Stop, we are not going to be this sappy."
Harry giggled and bit Louis' shoulder. "Yes we are. I am your sappy boyfriend and I love you."
"I changed my mind, I hate you," Louis groaned as he tucked himself closer to Harry.
~
Louis crawled into bed and turned over to be the little spoon. He never was without whining and Harry blessedly hadn't said a word about it. Louis should have known that wouldn't last.
"I love how small you are," Harry murmered against his skin. His voice was lower as the first traces of sleep creeped into it. His thumb traced lazy circles into Louis' hip.
"Shut up you sasquatch." Louis felt safe and warm with Harry cuddled all around him but he wasn't about to give in.
"You're so cute."
Louis flopped over and he hoped he elbowed Harry in the face.
"Stop that."
"But -"
"Do not -"
"- it's a thing."
"You're awful."
Harry dropped a quick peck on Louis' nose. "It's a thing."
Louis wanted to shower Harry in flowers and shove him off the bed. Instead he said, "You're lucky I love you."
The softness in Harry's eyes nearly overwhelmed Louis. He felt it gentle and sweet all over his skin and really this boy was too much.
"I know."
He didn't let Harry's hand go all night.