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It’s only when you’re padding softly down the hall that you realize this is the first time the two of you have shared a bed since coming home.
The feeling of bashfulness that had washed over you when he’d mentioned going to bed - as in, together - completely confused you with its timing. You had already been far more intimate than this, deeply vulnerable while emotions were running high that night on the road, but for some reason crawling beneath the covers with him now seemed like the first time all over again.
Then it struck you. Tonight you were not fleeing anything; not worrying over what may or may not happen tomorrow. All that awaited you upon waking was morning...and Saeyoung warm, safe, and alive beside you. It was startlingly normal and incredibly significant all at the same time.
You wondered if he was feeling just as backwards, but if he was he wasn’t showing it. He’d flopped face down onto the covers at first, as if all the strength had gone out of his body and turned it to fluff. When you returned from getting ready in the bathroom you had caught him laying there with his cheek smashed against a wadded up ball of comforter in his arms, glasses gone askew on his nose and lips parted in a gentle snore.
The poor guy had to be exhausted, you thought, feeling your heartstrings tug just a little. Moving quietly to the bedside, you settled down on the mattress beside him, trying your best not to disturb his rest. He murmured to himself incoherently as the weight on the bed shifted, but mellowed again as soon as you lifted your fingers to his hair, running them through the soft, red strands.
For a time you just watched him, pondering over how long it had been since he’d allowed himself to be so vulnerable and relaxed. Too long, your mind supplied, and you reached to tug his glasses off so they could be set someplace safe. You didn’t get very far, however, as one of his hands darted out to grab your wrist as soon as you made an attempt to rise.
“No… Don’t stop,” he said in a half-sleepy, pleading whine. You huffed a breath of a laugh, reclaiming your place as he began to rub his cheek against your palm, coaxing your hand back into his hair. You obliged him, combing your fingers through, pressing strands around the shell of his ear and occasionally letting your nails scratch his skin.
“Like that, kitty Seven?” you teased.
“Myah…,” he affirmed, a contented little smile crossing his lips as he abandoned the blanket he’d made into a pillow to scooch closer and turn to lay his head in your lap instead. You swore you wouldn’t have been surprised if he actually started purring somehow.
“Feeling good I take it?” You brushed his bangs back, tracing the lines of his eyebrows. They twitched a little beneath the attention, as though the feeling tickled a bit.
“Truthfully…?” he hummed out as he laced his fingers against his stomach. “I’m really tired, but…” Tilting his head just so, he cracked open his eyes just enough to look up at you. Your breath hitched a little, a pang of adoration echoing in your chest. You were so used to him looking at you through his glasses that it was still kind of thrilling to see him without. In a way, it was as though you were being granted the chance to glimpse the innermost workings of his heart and soul. His gaze was so soft and affectionate, and the sleepy haze only made it sweeter.
The last time you’d looked at each other like this you’d…well…
“I’m good,” he said and for a second it looked like his eyes had gotten a little moist. But when he blinked, his cheeks remained dry. “Real good.”
You opened your mouth to respond, but your words were muddled, skin heating up with memories of your night together, coupled with the relief you felt at his words. He quickly took notice of how flustered you’d gotten, amusement clear on his features.
“Did I take your breath away?” Seven teased, tilting his chin up to look at you more fully, only serving to strengthen the effect he was having over you. “Didn’t you know it’s dangerous to see me without my glasses for too long? I transform like Superman. You might faint because I’m suddenly so handsome!”
He laughed at his own joke and you could not help but grin because, while he might have said it in jest, you believed it was entirely true, glasses or not.
“That’s like something Zen would say,” you prodded him as one of your hands resumed playing with his hair while the other placed his glasses upon your own head. “But Zen’s got nothing on you, God Seven.”
“Lololololol,” Seven chanted and you snorted through a giggle.
“What? You don’t believe me?” you said. “You’re a hot little tamale.”
“Lololololooool,” he continued, but lifted his hands to cover his face with his palms.
Determination had you leaning over him, plucking at his fingers so you could get him to look at you again. He fought and wriggled, but not much.
“You’re smart, and funny, and all you have to do is call me ‘babe’ and it lights my pants on fire,” you said as his eyes now peeked through at you. It was hard to tell with half his face hidden if he was embarrassed or feeling giddy. Perhaps a little of both. “And you are so incredibly beautiful and handsome I might need glasses too just to look at you!”
“I can develop a special visor…,” he said, muffled behind his hands.
“What was that? I can’t hear you!”
Slowly, Seven began to withdraw his hands. As you suspected, his cheeks had gone a few shades of pink and it was ridiculously adorable. His eyes darted away, shyly, before wandering back to find yours once his palms were resting back upon his stomach.
“You’re going to spoil me… babe. ”
You made a gleeful little noise in your throat at the way he said it, so clearly intending to rile you up now that he knew your secret.
“You deserve to be spoiled, babe ,” you emphasized right back, cupping his cheek with one hand and letting your thumb brush the flushed skin there. “I have to make up for lost time.”
“...I think I’d rather just focus on what lies ahead.”
“Okay,” you said quietly, a tender smile crossing your lips. “Then we should finish getting ready for bed, so that we can look forward to tomorrow.”
“I am in bed.”
“You’re still completely dressed! And you still need to brush your teeth!”
“So you’re saying I need to have fresh breath and strip naked. I like where this is going.”
“Gyuh!” You could feel your skin starting to heat up again as his flirtation sent your mind back to less innocent things. The memories were more tactile than visual; the room had been dim and you’d been so swept up in the emotions and sensations you hadn’t been able to focus too much on any one thing. At his suggestion, you couldn’t stop yourself from attempting to recall what Seven had looked like when he’d been wrapped in nothing but sheets and your limbs.
“Oh,” he hummed as he rolled to stand on all fours beside you. “That look… What are you thinking about?”
“Go brush your teeth!” you insisted, grasping for anything to hide the truth from blazing across your face. Seven edged a little closer and you could see his boyish grin in your peripherals, his breath a whisper against your cheek. None of it was helping to keep your thoughts in check. He knew it too, the scoundrel, and that mischievously low chuckle of his was the icing on a delicious, rainbow and stardust sprinkled Seven cake.
For good measure, he blew gently into your ear, promptly making you squirm before he rolled off the bed and headed to do as you’d asked. Well, he certainly seemed to have regained some of his energy in the last few minutes, you mused.
Now that you were left to collect yourself, you got up and placed Seven’s glasses on the table by the bedside. You paused there for a moment as it dawned on you that you had no idea if he had a side of the bed he favored. When you had spent the night together on the road the bed had been modestly sized and, honestly, you hadn’t been thinking too much about these little trivialities. All that had mattered was whether or not the two of you would see another sunset together….or another sunrise.
Funny how simple all these concerns seemed in retrospect. Amazing how grateful you were for mundane things.
The queen mattress at your disposal now offered plenty of room for the two of you, but you wanted to make sure he was as comfortable as possible. You had no real preference and had just sprawled out when you were on your own in the apartment.
For all your intent to be under the covers by the time he returned, you dwelled on the matter too long and immediately plopped down on the edge when you saw the genius hacker return, assuming a too-casual posture that undoubtedly looked a little suspicious if not awkward.
Whether or not Seven took notice you couldn’t tell; you were far too distracted by the look of him stripped down to a black tank top and boxer-briefs that were actually more plain than you’d expected. A part of you had begun to assume most everything he owned had some sort of flair to it.
You knew you were staring, but how could you have helped it? Your mind was still trying to piece together everything you’d felt that one, fateful night with all that you were seeing right there in front of you. That curve of his shoulders, leading down to his bicep, flexing beneath your fingers as he fisted the sheets, lips faint on your neck as he uttered a strained, desperate whimper.
And, oh, his hips… Was he showing off for you, you wondered when he stretched, the motion drawing his shirt up just enough to see a glimpse of those tempting lines leading your eye downward. Oops, okay stop before you get caught. You averted your eyes, trying not to look guilty for your blatant ogling.
“Do you want to take a picture? I’ll pose for you,” he giggled. Blast, he was too perceptive. You grinned a little sheepishly, with a hint of wolfish glee playing on your lips. The pose he struck was probably more suited to Mary Vanderwood, but he really could pull of anything no matter what he wore...or didn’t.
Lifting your imaginary camera, you began to take snapshots, feigning an artistic accent.
“Oh, Darling! You are too fabulous! Work it for me! Yes! Work it!”
Bless his heart, he only got more tickled by your games and played right along. Halfway through your ‘session’ you cursed yourself for having let your phone battery die earlier. You would have loved a couple of those potential pictures for yourself. Your quirky little Seven-Oh-Seven had his bedroom eyes down and a butt to die for.
“Haha,” he chuckled, tone growing coyl. “Aren’t you tired of looking at me yet?”
“Never,” you said, lowering your pretend-camera. “I could look at you for days.”
There it was again, that beautiful, ruddy hue rising up on his cheeks. Seven stood there, pose falling more lax with each passing second. You rested your chin on a hand, continuing to watch him with open affection and unfathomable fondness until he couldn’t stand the attention anymore and scurried for the bed.
He wandered to the left side - you made a note, though it may have been just because it was the closest to the bathroom - and brushed back the covers to crawl in. He’d pulled them back from the other side too, petting and patting the place beside him with a suggestive bob of his brows. There was still a faint blush on his face, which only made the gesture more delightful. The urge to be near him was becoming unbearable, and this time there was nothing keeping you from fulfilling that need.
You rose to round the bed and get comfortable, somewhat perplexed when Seven began to pout to himself.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, eyes flickering to those alluring lips of his as you tucked some of the blankets in around your legs.
“I was hoping you’d just turn and crawl towards me...all fanservice-like…,” he murmured. You cracked a wry smile at him.
“Fanservice, huh? I have to have fans to grant fanservice, don’t I?”
“You have plenty of fans. The entire RFA is your fanclub,” he pointed out. “And I am club president.”
Gosh, he was adorable.
“Okay, but let’s keep the merchandise on the down-low. I don’t want to accidentally get famous like Zen,” you played along, joining him in getting settled down among the pillows once he’d turned the lights down. The room was cast in a dim, warm haze and you smiled as you watched him snuggle down against the bed, barely stifling a yawn as he lightly scratched the bridge of his nose.
“I might be a little selfish...but I don’t really want to share you with the world like that.” The room seemed to have gone quite still, and when he spoke, even in a tone as tender and subdued as this, each word was clear and drifted like flurry of delicate feathers straight to your heart.
“You can be selfish…,” you assured him, finding his hand beneath the blanket. His smile was tilted with shyness and you couldn’t hold back anymore. Pressing closer inward, you stole a kiss. The angle was a little off at first, so you only caught him half on the mouth, but he adjusted himself accordingly to rectify the issue, ensuring your second was full and satisfying. There was so much beneath this sweet touch of his lips that your heart began to ache for him - a resounding need to let him know he meant the world to you.
When you parted, you did not go far, but began to place kiss after kiss all over his face, starting with his nose, which made him give a small, breath of a laugh. Seven reached for you, fingers gently, hesitantly, grasping at your sides. Even in the dark, you could see that imploring look in his eyes, the one that called for you and waited, patient...forever if you told him to. There was no uncertainty on your part and you shifted to accommodate him, molding as close as you could get, one hand against his chest while the other reached up to play with the soft, red curls at the base of his neck. Soon enough he relaxed, eyes lidding with contentment. He did not close them entirely though. If he did, he might wake up and you would disappear.
He was starved for this closeness and there was hardly a time you were together now that he did not seek to be near you to some degree. After that night it was though a switch had been thrown, night flipped to day, and it was hard to believe he’d ever turned a cold shoulder. You suspected he still felt guilty about that, or maybe he was still having a hard time accepting that he was worthy of your affections. Even in allowing himself the things he’d always dreamed he’d never have, he still put you first, silently pleading before you made it clear you wanted it too.
You hoped, one day, he’d realize that you always would...and he needn’t have asked. So too, did you wish that he would find the courage to believe this was his life now, and you weren’t going anywhere.
“It’s...kind of strange,” he spoke after the stillness had stretched deep. His words were quiet, cautious, like he was choosing each with care.
“Hm?” you coaxed when he said nothing more, letting your fingers drift up the curve of his neck to trace his jawline. You could feel his heart race a few beats in his chest, knew he was starting to grow anxious. It happened from time to time when he was left with his thoughts, spiraling unpredictably this way and that.
“Just… A few days ago we didn’t… We didn’t even know where we’d be. And now it’s…” His arms closed in around you a little tighter, face buried against your hair. To the best of your ability, you returned his embrace with the arm not held between the two of you.
“It’s hard to believe this is the result; that we could have something so normal when all that led up to it was anything but..?”
“Yes. Exactly.”
“Are you unhappy with how it’s turned out?”
He jolted and you felt a little bad for having elicited even a second of panic, scribbled frantically all over his face in shadows when he drew back to look at you.
“No, of course not! I’m so, so grateful, and happier than anything, and it’s all more than I ever could have asked for-!” he paused only for a breath, which came tremulous. “More than I deserve…”
Lifting a finger to his lips you gently shushed him, offering a reassuring smile.
“I know, Saeyoung,” you said, watching as relief slowly began to seep into him, catching only once or twice on an errant worry . “But you’re wrong about one thing. You deserve every bit of it, just like anyone else… Even more, if you ask me.” It was hard to say for sure in the dim light, but you were pretty certain that look on his face now was a skeptical one. Who could have blamed him, when life up to now had been full of nothing but loneliness, uncertainty, and happiness that was rare and fleeting?
It was an instinct that had been ingrained in him for years, to be prepared that moment when the calm in the eye of the storm would inevitably pass. It was safer to stay on edge, ever vigilant and alert so he would not miss that pivotal line of code that would warn him the bomb was going to detonate. At least then, he could brace himself for impact.
What could you do to soothe him, to unravel the knots he’d wound so tightly within himself? Your rationale told you only time would heal his wounds, but was there nothing at all that you could give to make it all a little easier in the meantime?
Be with him...just stay with him…
“Alright, c’mere you,” you said after another spell of silence that had his eyes searching yours. Adjusting your position, you scooted higher on the pillows to half sit up, inviting him to curl up in your arms for a change. He appeared a little puzzled at first, but would not deny the chance to hold you again. Finding a cozy compromise was easy - head on your slender shoulder and arms entwined around your waist. “Now.. Do you remember what you used to tell me?”
He hummed to himself, thinking as you stroked his hair again.
“Uhm. About the space station…?”
You giggled a bit. “Nope.”
“Was it about Honey Buddha Chips?”
“Negatory.”
“Ah..,” he huffed, gnawing at his lower lip as he genuinely tried to give this some thought. “Does Jumin Han is--”
“You used to tell me you liked the sound of my voice. Is that still true?”
“Yes,” he replied without missing a beat. You mulled over the idea flitting about in your head, a tiny sense of nervousness tugging at you. For a moment you had considered that you might comfort him by just chatting for awhile to get his mind off the negative things that so often plagued him, but then an idea had struck. It seemed perfectly appropriate for the situation and you were swayed even more by the notion when you realized he’d probably never experienced it when he was growing up.
But could you really sing him a lullaby? As much as he seemed to enjoy listening to you, you wouldn’t exactly say you were much of a singer. You knew how to stay on key, but the only time you’d sang anything was when you were by yourself, so there was no guarantee you weren’t horrible. Drawn into this fit of your own insecurity, you hadn’t noticed that Saeyoung had leaned back and was looking at you, likely trying to decipher the conflicted and embarrassed look on your face.
“Um..,” you cleared your throat. “Hmm, hmm. I was just thinking…”
Dammit, girl, get yourself together! You’re supposed to be helping him feel better, not dwelling on your own lackluster qualities!
“What?” he asked.
“I thought maybe I…” You looked away. Oh, geez. You couldn’t look at him if you were going to do it. You’d lose your nerve for sure. Seven was staring at you so singularly that your face was starting to burn with his unwavering attention.
“Babe.”
That brought your gaze back to him. His brows raised in question.
“I thought I could sing you something… Like a lullaby.”
You saw his golden eyes, rich and beautiful in the dark, widen a little. He withdrew the arm he’d slipped beneath you to press up on the elbow, hands coming together to fiddle with his fingers.
“You’d… You’d sing for me? A lullaby?” If you were honest, you hadn’t been expecting this sort of reaction. You may as well have told him you were going to the space station tomorrow and it was filled with magic and rainbows and clouds made of cotton candy with the level of anticipation on his face. Nodding your affirmation, your heart about melted as he bit down into his lower lip, expectant.
“It won’t be anything amazing,” came the disclaimer as you brushed a lock of hair over your shoulder. “I’m no professional or anything. Last time I sang for anybody was probably in grade school for my parents and...well, that was --”
“I’ve never had a lullaby.”
His words halted your fretting in its tracks, rooted it, and tore it soundly away. You blinked, surprised at the prickling feeling of almost tears behind your eyes. Everything in you ached for him, for all the joys he’d missed.
This was not about you. This was about him . He needed this.
Taking a breath, you did your best to find your voice. It was a little strained at first, but he never once showed any signs of offense. You hadn’t even needed to think about what to sing for him, the choice came of its own volition.
“Fly...me to the moon. And let me swing among the stars… Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars...”
You’d begun, gathering courage with your eyes closed, but when the notes found their places you dared to open them again. Only two lines in and you were certain you’d chosen a song that suited him perfectly, even though you considered a miracle to have found it amid all your memories and at such short notice. It was as though he’d reached in the depths of your mind and plucked it out himself.
“In other words, hold my hand…”
Your heart fluttered as you recalled the next line and it might have been impossible to make eye contact for all your sudden bashfulness, but as the lyrics had suggested, you found a strong, warm hand reaching to grasp your own.
Shyly, but inexplicably drawn, your gaze found Seven’s again as you continued.
“In other words… Darling, kiss me…”
He shifted where he lay, pulling himself closer and for a beat you wondered if he meant to take those words as a suggestion too. A renewed heat crawled up your neck and into your face. You tried your best to ignore it. The way he was watching you demanded that you not stop. Not now, not ever , if this was all it took to pull that look from him - an open and endless wonder and unabashed admiration painted all over his handsome features.
“Fill my heart with song, and let me sing forevermore. You are all I long for, all I worship….and adore.”
Oops, you were grinning like an idiot now. Why, oh why? Because you were saying these things to him...in song? Because you were saying them at all? Because you actually meant them? It occurred to you again the appropriateness of this tune, not simply because it reminded you of the man you loved so dearly, but because it expressed everything you always wanted to tell him.
It didn’t help one whit that he was only growing more charming by the second. As you once more confessed your feelings to him through this beautiful melody, unable to keep your smiles to yourself, he returned the favor. That enchanting little, lopsided grin of his blossomed bright and heart-stopping, its effect only heightened as he ducked his head for a moment to hide the oncoming blush. Despite this, he was quick to return his gaze to yours. He could not stop himself as you continued on, lost in your endeavor...in him.
“In other words… Please be true. In other words… I love you.”
God, you were sure your voice was going to crack with that higher octave, but somehow you managed, with a little support. It was worth it as you watched Saeyoung’s face light up, lips gently parted, rapt.
Did the notorious 707 know how easy it was to fall in love with him? It seemed a crime that he had not been able to show this side of himself for so long, so generous with his passion and warmth that you completely forgot yourself.
You felt his hand first, long, nimble fingers caressing your cheek before you realized he’d come closer still. Although your heart began to pick up its pace with his increasing proximity, still you felt compelled to continue, even if your words had begun to turn somewhat breathy. He had a habit of stealing yours from you like that.
“In other words...hold my hand. In other words....”
“Darling...kiss me...” he echoed gently. You tripped up then, tongue gone numb at the sound of his...request? Dueting? Just when you were sure your heart was going to pound out of your ears with anticipation, his breath warm on your lips, he encouraged, “Fill my heart with song…”
“A...and let me sing forevermore,” you managed, lifting your hand to his that had pressed to your cheek and tucked its fingers in your hair.
“You are all I long for…”
“All I worship and adore. In other words…”
“Please be true.” The melody had dropped significantly, but you didn’t care. Your eyes were closed now and you yearned so much for him then, a pleasant shiver running through you at the sound of him returning your song, soft and low. It seemed you were not the only one whose voice had an effect. “In other...words…”
A pause...a smile, ghosting just so against the corner of your lips.
“...I love you.”
The tip of his nose brushed yours, and finally you were released from the tension as his fingertips finding their way into the hair just at the back of your head, drawing you in so he could grant you that kiss, long and lingering. Your own hands lifted and cupped his face, calling to him to stay, even as you parted for air so you could begin another string of kisses.
Funny how it was you had planned to sing for him to soothe his unease and ended up completely smitten with him in the process. Of course, that was not a difficult feat with a man so endearing. When Saeyoung finally managed to withdraw enough to look at you, catching his breath, lips swollen with your kisses, he tilted his head and regarded you a moment, contentment and happiness crinkling the corners of his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he said, sheepish. “Kind of felt...compelled there. Was there more?”
“You got most of it, I think,” you chuckled. “Was it alright?”
“I think I love lullabies…,” he admitted. “But aren’t they supposed to lull you to sleep? All that made me want to do is love you all night.”
“God, Saeyoung ..,” you whimpered, pressing your face into your hands as memories of your first night flooded your mind. He had, after all, made that promise once before.
“Oh, I like that. Say it again,” he prodded with a wry grin, reaching up to peel your fingers away from your eyes as you had done to him before.
“Come on, now. I was trying to help you sleep ,” you deflected, turning your face away as his hands took hold of yours and he tugged, pulling you towards him.
“How can I be tired now?” he said with a pout that caused a small squeak to escape you, especially when morphed into another kiss pressed against your exposed neck. Saeyoung’s arms had encompassed you now, ensuring no escape from his affections. Not that you wanted to, by any stretch of the imagination. “Mmm, will you sing some more? Your voice is so pretty…”
“I...I guess,” you murmured, though you weren’t certain at this point if he really wanted the song again or if he meant to make you sing in other ways. Well. It certainly didn’t take your mind long to crash straight into dirtier places, for all that tenderness you’d just been sharing. When he nuzzled his face against your skin and hummed expectantly, you realized it truly was the former, though goodness knows how you were meant to enunciate or anything when he was doing any of this. Maybe that was the point. “Ah, um… Fly me to the...hah... moon…”
The kisses proceeded, slow and lazy as they setting your nerves aflame. You fumbled through the lyrics again, forgetting a couple words as you got completely distracted by him humming along with you. Really - how did he expect you to function making sounds like that in his knee-weakening voice? But every time you stopped so did he, the tease!
“...other words… please be true,” you whispered.
What was the next line again? Just as you recalled where you were in the lyrics, you realized Seven had stilled again despite the fact you’d diligently kept singing. Actually, his arms had gone lax around you too. Tilting your head away from him a little, it suddenly dawned on you, punctuated by the tiniest little snore from where he’d laid his head down on your shoulder.
He’d fallen asleep .
You might have felt a twinge of disappointment, but how could you? He had been exhausted, for all his flirtations. Now, there he was pressed against you, knocked out cold and cozy. Shaking your head a little, you hefted a small, amused sigh. Your attempt to soothe him had ultimately been a success, though he certainly had thrown you off balance for a bit there. Carefully slipping your arm down beneath his, you wrapped it around him and carefully edged the both of you the rest of the way back down into the pillows, stroking his hair again once you’d settled.
He looked so peaceful now. It only seemed fitting to finish granting his request.
“In other words...,” you proceeded in a gentle tone, pressing a kiss to his forehead. “ I love you .”