Work Text:
It was their first Christmas away from Charming so Tara was trying even harder than normal to make their small apartment feel festive. She had never been big on this particular holiday but she knew she owed it to her kids to pull out all the stops. Plus, Juice had been endearingly excited at the idea of having a ‘real live’ tree - full of lights, reindeers and elves, which she didn’t really understand, but was definitely okay with playing along for.
The smile he gave off when they were hanging up Christmas lights, mixed in with the scent of evergreen that stuck to their skin and clothes like perfume filled her with a sense of security and warmth that she didn’t want to end.
She’d never had big Christmases as a child and she liked the idea that her kids would grow up with traditions she had never experienced.
- - -
She had dismissed the first time she heard Juice mumbled her name in his sleep, firmly attributing it to how much he had been playfully mocking her before he drifted off for not having seen the movie Die Hard before or sharing his idea that it was probably the single greatest Christmas movie to have ever been created.
At least that is what she kept repeating to convince herself – even if she couldn’t deny the fact that she went to sleep with a small, secretive smile on her face that night.
Last night though it had been different.
Tara came home to find the boys and Juice asleep while Mickey’s Christmas Carol played on the T.V., Thomas wrapped safely in Juice’s arms and Abel conked soundly out over his knee.
When she tried to take the sleeping toddler from the crook of Juice’s elbow without waking both of them up, Juice stirred and said “I love her”.
Tara felt a pang in her chest, feeling something she never thought she would experience again.
She found herself frozen in place - Thomas in her arms, the fear of losing Juice to someone else numbing all her senses.
Suddenly Juice said “Tara,” smiled, and made himself more comfortable on the couch, burrowing deeply in the covers that he had been using as a pillow. Tara could feel her eyes filling up with tears.
The distant sound of a motorcycle pulled her out of her thoughts and Tara stood up knowing what she had to do.
- - -
It all filled him with hopeful thoughts about a future where he didn’t have to be alert at all times, where he could call this his family without feel like he had stolen it, and most importantly, where he didn’t have to hide his feelings for the wonderful, brave woman that he was learning to call Tara instead of just Doc.
Juice wasn’t sure what he had done to make her upset, but he knew something was wrong.
A couple of weeks ago, he had declared that Christmas Holiday Movie Nights (yes the capital letters were necessary) was a thing that was happening in their household and convinced Tara to begin with his favorite film of all time, Die Hard. He teased her during the whole movie, just so he could stare at her, relish in her laughs and then her groans when both Bruce Willis and him said ‘Yippie ki-yay motherfucker’ at the same time - the way she tried to pretend that she hadn’t enjoyed the movie when he could see that that was the most relaxed she had been in months.
After that day, there had been a subtle change in the way Tara acted around him.
He’d notice her looking at him differently, turning away whenever she realized he had noticed and smiling to herself as if she was keeping a secret.
Nothing could have prepared him for the way she acted that morning, though.
Her eyes were swollen just like those first nights where she couldn’t sleep from all the crying, her smile didn’t reach her eyes when she handed him Thomas and it was everything Juice could not to take her into his arms right then and there.
“Doc, everything okay?” he asked instead, praying that today wasn’t the day she decided she didn’t need him anymore.
“Yes Juice, it’s just… Thomas had a bad night and I’m a bit tired.” Tara said, not quite meeting his eyes.
He knew she was lying; Juice was a deep sleeper but if there was one thing that could wake him up in an instant was Abel or Thomas cries.
“I think the tree needs more lights, could you go and buy some?” Tara said, changing the subject before he could push. “I know it’s normally your turn to take the boys to daycare, I can take them instead.”
Juice felt confused and scared, but he only nodded and said “Sure” as he handed Thomas back and made his way out of the room.
As he was climbing his bike, he looked back and saw Tara looking at him from the apartment window.
He sighed and took off, letting the rush of his Harley under him help clear his head. Whatever this was, he wasn’t going to let it get to him. Tara and the boys were part of his family now. The only family he had left, and he wasn’t going to let anything upset that. He just had to keep his head down and wait out whatever was going on inside Tara’s brain.
- - -
He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea, but saw it and figured it might cheer her up and that was worth his frayed nerves any day of the week.
When he opened the door he found her pacing around the living room, a plush Rudolph in her hands.
He could feel the warmth spreading through his cheeks, which made him hang his head to avoid Tara noticing as he handed her the rose as a peace offering.
“Hope you are feeling better Tara,” He said quietly.
When he finally felt brave enough to lift his head, he saw Rudolph lying on the floor and Tara’s hand over her mouth, her eyes glistening with tears.
“Doc, don’t cry, I… that wasn’t what I was trying to do. Are you okay?” he said, as he got closer to her. Tara barely nodded as she grabbed the rose.
“Do you know you sleep talk?” Tara asked, making Juice glance up in confusion. Did he? This was the first time he had heard about it, but it had been so long since he had lived in company of others, or more specifically someone that didn’t end up each night blacked out drunk and woke up with a mean hang over.
“Last night you were talking about loving someone…” she paused, looking around evidently not knowing how to continue the conversation.
Juice’s entire world fell apart in that moment, he started to stutter but Tara motioned him to pause.
“Juice wait, I… you said my name last night as well. Was it me? Do you have feelings for me?”
Juice’s blush wasn’t going to let him get away with lying; besides he knew better than to try and lie to her. She always saw straight through him.
“I -.” He sighed, before admitting defeat. “I do… I have for a while. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things complicated for you. I understand if you want me gone, I can be out of here by tonight.”
He lowered himself to pick up the discarded Rudolph and then crouched down on his heels, not having the strength to get up again. Of all the things he had been expecting, this one hurt the most.
“Juice, don’t.” Tara said as she got down to his level, leaving the rose lying next to them and putting a hand on his knee. Juice lifted his head and found the courage to look into her eyes. “I need time, but I feel it. I need you Juice; I need you to never leave us… please.”
Tara put her hand on his cheek and looked up towards the ceiling, gently guiding his head towards where she was gazing and finally he noticed they had been standing under mistletoe that hadn’t been there that morning.
He sighed deeply, putting his forehead against hers and murmuring her name like a prayer.
His hand caressing her neck, he closed the space between them until his lips were barely touching hers. Pulling him in, Tara pressed her lips tightly against his. Softly, lovingly. She gently pulled away, laughing the most genuine, infectious laugh Juice had ever heard come out of her mouth.
As she rests her forehead against his, Juice though he had never felt as happy as he did in that moment. “We got nothing but time Tara,” he whispered on her ear. “Nothing at all but time.”