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Chapter Text

PART I

Prologue

April 16^th 2404 (Stardate 78769.5)

It wasn’t the first time she had set foot on this planet, yet she could never quite prepare herself for the hot and dry wind that rushed in and engulfed her vessel’s atmosphere when she opened the latch. The air, though breathable, left a strange warmth inside her lungs as she inhaled. The harsh, rocky environment of this section of this planet was unforgiving for even the most resilient lifeforms, so she made sure her water canteen was secure at her waist before she stepped fully out into the planet’s brutal sun rays. Her body was not used to this heat, but she knew she would quickly adapt as she resolutely took the path down the rocky outcrop that would take her to the slightly more hospitable area of the valley below.

By the time she reached her destination, beads of sweat trickled down her temple and moistened her upper lip. She stopped to take in her surroundings and take a sip of water. Her destination, which B’Elanna Torres had sarcastically labeled ‘the Hide-out,’ was a small rectangular structure, made of sun-baked clay. It lay in the shades of a protruding rocky outcrop near one of the few sources of fresh water of the area. This privileged access to water meant that a few bushes and even green grasses sporadically surrounded the area, and the occupant was even able to grow a small garden. 

She methodically looked around, processing various details in one single sweep of the area: a small fire with a kettle hanging over it was left unattended a short distance from the house; new painted designs on the exterior surface of the house – in a mix of yellows, reds and purples; seven Starfleet containers – the provisions that Tom and Nick Paris had said they had brought on their last visit – neatly stacked by the house.

Over the years, she had obtained sufficient knowledge of human philosophy and psychology to understand all too well why, of all the planets available in the Alpha Quadrant, he had chosen this one.

It had been years, yet he was still trying to punish himself. 

A long time ago, she would not have been able to identify the feelings that this realization evoked in her, but now that knowledge saddened her. No, it angered her. Because he was trying to punish himself for something that was not his doing. His guilt was misplaced and therefore inconsequential.

She walked closer to the fire, looking around as she did so, searching him. She heard the sound of his feet against the gravelly ground before she saw him, and moments later he appeared from behind the house. The container filled with water he was carrying from the well stooped his shoulder as he hauled it towards the fire. His pace faltered briefly when he spotted her, but then he carried on to his destination.

“Chakotay,” Annika greeted with a nod.

He dropped the container by the fire and straightened to look at her. He looked even frailer than the last time she had seen him, and the whiteness of his hair created a sharp contrast with the darkness of his eyes. They, however, were like she remembered: penetrating, yet warm. Once those eyes had reflected his peace, but now they only reflected his torments.

“Since when do you make social calls?” Was his greeting.

“This isn't a social call.”

He smiled humorlessly. “Didn’t think so.”

Annika was used to his cynicism by now, and while it usually left her unaffected, today it only fueled her irritation. When she had first known him, he had been a strong man, not only in the physical sense, but emotionally and spiritually. A man of moral character, with a quiet strength that compelled trust. A man she had looked up to even before they had started their ill-fated romance.

But the man she was looking at now was a mere shadow of the man she had known over twenty years ago, and it was not because of the marks of time on his body.

“You weren’t at the festivities,” she commented, stepping closer, as he sat down by the fire.

“The memorial, you mean,” he corrected bitterly. “No. I can’t say I see the point of celebrating that particular anniversary.”

Annika had heard this kind of bitterness before and she could hardly swallow back her annoyance. His tendency for self-pity was truly pathetic. “While Voyager’s return home was not as happy-ended as most of you had hoped, you should take some pride in the fact that it happened, at least. I’m certain she would be proud of your achievement.”

He stiffened, but merely added some herbs into the boiling pot and stirred. 

Aware that she had touched a sensitive nerve by bring her up, Annika waited for some time in silence and simply watched as he tasted whatever culinary concoction he was preparing. 

“So what have you been up to?” He finally asked. “No offense, but you look like hell,” he commented as he glanced up at her.

“No offense taken. My appearance is in fact related to my presence here. As you’re aware, B’Elanna and I have spent the last several weeks undercover, working with Klingon operatives. It hasn’t been…a walk in the park, to use a common Earth analogy.”

That brought a small smile to his lips. Annika had to admit, it was good to see. Even though her romantic feelings for him had long been put behind her and forgotten, she still considered Chakotay to be one of her closest friends, and she wished him well. 

“How is B’Elanna?” He asked with genuine concern.

“Unchanged. You know she never truly recovered from what happened to her daughter. However, this quest has given her a new sense of purpose, and Tom Paris agrees that it has been beneficial for her well-being,” Annika replied as she sat down on the ground across the fire from Chakotay. “In fact, I came here to tell you that we've obtained what we were looking for.”

That caught Chakotay’s full attention as his gaze sharply focused on hers. 

“The reason I attended the…festivities myself,” Annika went on, “was so we could appeal to Captain Kim to assist us.”

“And?”

“He was reluctant at first, but B’Elanna can be persuasive when she so chooses.” That prompted another small smile. “She, Tom and Captain Kim are modifying a shuttle as we speak.”

Chakotay let out a lengthy sigh. It seemed to convey as much wistfulness as it did relief. “So this is truly happening then. You’re going back in time to present our plan to Captain Janeway?”

“Yes.” She paused. “If she lets me.”

That prompted another smile, a little wider this time, one that revealed a dimpled cheek. For the first time in years she recognized the man she had known, and she could not help but smile a little herself. 

“Yeah, she could be pretty stubborn,” he agreed on a quiet chuckle. “But she’ll listen to you. I have something that might help. Hold on.” He stood with some difficulty, slightly bent over from apparent back pain, and disappeared into his house before returning with a pad. The Doctor would be able to resolve such pains, but, it was like Annika had concluded before: Chakotay somehow imagined himself to deserve such suffering. 

“If she doesn’t listen to you, you should appeal to the timeline’s version of myself, even if it means telling him what’s about to happen. And if all fails, give him this,” he added as he handed her the PADD. 

“What is it?”

“Excerpts from my personal log. It starts with the day she…” he swallowed visibly. “… the day I took the Captaincy.”

“I'll make good use of this,” Annika assured as she stood to her feet and took it to place it in her bag. 

“I miss her,” he admitted as he stood facing her, hands on hips, his gaze cast down. 

“As do I.”

“I wish I could go with you.”

“However illogical that sentiment is, I understand. But we all agreed that to send me was the most sensible option.”

“Erick’s still okay with that?”

Annika dropped her gaze, wary of showing the twinge of pain that his question caused. “He understands. He's hopeful that we will find each other again.”

Chakotay nodded, then forced a teasing smile onto his face. “I know she won’t want to hear it, but tell Kathryn ‘hi’ from me.”

Annika gave a small smile intended to be reassuring as she put her hand over his and squeezed his fingers. “I will do all I can to ensure that you never have to say goodbye in the first place.”

oooOooo

Chapter Text

Stardate 54969.05 (May 2378)

“There is a vessel coming through the rift.”

“Klingon?” Chakotay asked, trying to make sense of the readings.

“No…Federation,” Tuvok stated in a tone that sounded a lot like wonder.

There was an astounded moment of silence on the bridge as everyone took this in. Chakotay exchanged a look with the captain, finding his own curiosity and cautious excitement mirrored in her expression.

“We’re being hailed,” Harry announced, sounding a little astounded himself. 

“On screen.”

The transmission took a second to appear, and when it did, the captain sprang from her chair in surprise. “Seven!” she whispered on a breath, barely loud enough for Chakotay to hear. 

Chakotay stood as well, staring at an apparently older version of the person standing not far behind him on the bridge, and shared Kathryn’s astonishment when she threw him another glance. He gave a small shrug, then followed the captain’s gaze to “their” Seven who stood behind them with a curious frown on her face.

“Captain Janeway,” the older Seven from the shuttle acknowledged. “We have no time for pleasantries, you must seal the rift. Recalibrate your deflector to emit an anti-tachyon pulse.”

“Captain, a Klingon vessel is coming through,” Tuvok warned. 

“Captain Janeway, you would do well to do as I say. Close the rift,” the older Seven insisted, rather more forcefully than Chakotay was used to.

“Do as she says,” Janeway ordered, before returning her attention to the screen. “I did what you asked. Now tell me what the hell is going on.”

“There is much to explain, please allow me to come aboard,” the older Seven replied, “I have come with a plan to bring Voyager home.” 

Captain Janeway hesitated for just a second. “Access granted, we will transport you directly to sickbay,” she replied as she walked closer to the viewscreen, one hand on her hip. “Forgive me but I need to take some precautions, I’m sure you understand.”

“Of course. You need to ascertain my identity. I would not have it otherwise.”

“Very well.” The captain gave a definitive nod and Harry cut the transmission even as she started making her way up the steps. “Chakotay, you’re with me. Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge. Seven,” she hesitated, “this will probably end up concerning you as well, but for now I need you in Astrometrics. I need to know more about that rift she came through. Mr. Kim, I need you to go down to Engineering and take a team to search her ship – from top to bottom. Consult with B’Elanna, if she’s feeling up to it.”

“Understood.”

Chakotay followed the captain as she stepped into the turbolift. 

“What do you make of this?” she asked as the doors closed. 

Chakotay gave a small shrug – he wasn’t exactly sure yet. “It sounded like her.”

“Sickbay,” she commanded. “Yes, but a Seven from the future? I wonder what could possibly be her motive to travel back in time?”

Chakotay smiled a little, he could almost hear the wheels in the captain’s head as she tried to decipher this mystery. “I guess we’ll just have to ask her.”

She let out a crooked smile as she threw him a wry sidelong look. “You’re sucking all the fun out of this. A little speculation never hurt anyone, Chakotay.”

“You know I don’t do well with speculation. But she said she’s here to help us get home, and if she is who she claims to be, then I like to think we might actually get a shot at it this time.” While he didn’t dare get his hopes up, he had to admit there was something exciting about the prospect.

“That can’t be all there is to it. Seven of Nine might be getting more and more in touch with her humanity, but I don’t think any amount of years could make her want to change the future to make Voyager’s trip home a little shorter.”

Chakotay looked down guiltily as she mentioned Seven’s humanity – it seemed like he had an increasingly important role in that, and he had yet to tell his captain, Kathryn, about any of it. For all he knew she already knew and the news left her indifferent – after all she had seemed to move on from the chemistry that had – to him at least – seemed to characterize the early years they had spent on Voyager. Yet something told him that it would affect her. He was her first officer, her friend, and Seven was… well, her protégée. It was bound to be awkward, and this certainty had so far compelled Chakotay to remain silent on the subject. A little voice inside his head told him his silence was just plain cowardice, but he did all he could to quiet that annoying reminder and convince himself that waiting a little before telling her anything was for the best.

She went on, unaware of his turmoil. “No, there has to be something more important going on, some event she’s trying to prevent from happening.” She gave a frustrated sigh as she rubbed her temples. “I love a good mystery as much as the next person, but I have to tell you, time travel paradoxes give me a headache.”

“Then let’s go get some answers,” Chakotay said as the turbolift doors opened and he gestured with his arm for her to go first. 

She gave a small smile again, and squeezed his arm in passing. “What would I do without you?”

She was teasing him, he knew, and while her question would normally comfort him in the knowledge that he was doing his duty by standing by her, this time the comment made him cringe inwardly, and he hated himself for it. While he knew that her faith in him had never wavered, that particular phrase had somehow lost its true meaning over the years, it had lost its quality that had made his place on Voyager, that had made him, feel special to her.

He pushed the uncomfortable, petty, feelings aside as he followed the captain into sickbay. The older Seven was sitting patiently unmoving as the Doctor scanned her with his tricorder.

“Captain Janeway, Commander Chakotay,” she said with a small, cautious smile as she stood with her hands clasped behind her back in a very familiar posture. “Allow me to say, while this is all rather strange, it is a pleasure to be standing here again, with you both.”

Janeway nodded, but turned to the Doctor instead of addressing her. “Doctor?”

“The DNA tests show that this is indeed Seven of Nine, approximately 26 years from now.”

“Forgive me, but I no longer answer to that designation. I prefer Annika.”

That caught Chakotay’s ear and he turned to look at her more fully. Even though she was years older than the woman he knew, this Annika remained overall unchanged, with a few exceptions: her eye implant was much smaller now, a mere linear piece of metal next to her eye, and lines had appeared at the corner of her eyes and mouth. What struck Chakotay the most however, was how tired, even haggard, she looked. Her mismatched clothes reminded him of the impromptu uniforms of the Maquis; her blonde hair, now tinged with streaks of white, was pulled back in a messy braid that allowed locks to escape. The Annika he knew would not have allowed that. And her eyes, while still sharp and intelligent, held an emotion in them that Chakotay couldn’t quite name. Pain, perhaps? Sorrow? Resignation? Whatever it was, it worried him. Especially as it was coupled with a strangely calm determination.

“Very well, Annika,” Janeway acknowledged as she studied her carefully. Chakotay was fairly certain that the captain had noticed the changes as well, and that they probably piqued her curiosity just as much as his. “What’s going on? You said you have a way to bring Voyager home? ”

Annika gave a sharp nod before diving right in. “If I am correct in my calculations, three days ago, you detected elevated neutrino emissions in a nebula in Grid 986. You thought it might be way home. You were right. I have come to tell you to take Voyager back there.”

Chakotay frowned, and the Captain’s expression mirrored his. “It was crawling with Borg,” he replied, incredulous.

“I am aware. That is why I brought technology that will get us past them. Your engineering team will no doubt confirm this shortly.” Janeway stayed silent as she considered this, but Chakotay could feel how tense she was as she stood next to him. Apparently Annika saw it too. “I understand your reluctance to trust me, Captain, but I would not be here if I had not made precise calculations about the risks, and the outcome. And while I alone am here now, know that I was not the only one of your friends to set this plan into motion. They agreed that taking this chance is for the best. For Voyager and for the crew.”

“You drew the short straw?” Janeway drawled sarcastically.

Annika’s eyes darted briefly to Chakotay before returning to the Captain’s, which made him frown curiously. “I volunteered. It was the most logical course of action.”

“Alright, for the sake of argument, let’s say I believe what you’re telling me. Why would you want to temper with a timeline in which, I assume based on your ship’s Starfleet designation, Voyager has returned home?”

“Captain, I know you place value on Starfleet’s temporal prime directive, and in order to answer that, I would have to tell you more than what the directive allows. But suffice it to say, unless you do what I am suggesting, Voyager’s return home will not be the happy ending you are all hoping for. It will come at an extremely high cost.”

Chakotay exhaled slowly as he took this in. While he was cautiously excited about the prospect of returning home, getting a tip from a crewmember from the future felt like cheating. It didn’t sit well with him.

Harry chose that moment to enter sickbay, a PADD in his hand, and his presence diluted the tension that Annika’s last comment had left in its wake. Harry smiled at Annika before handing the PADD to the captain. “The technology aboard the ship is pretty impressive, it looks like it’s been specifically designed to defend against the Borg.”

Annika had the good sense not to look smug as the captain threw her a glance. “Could we install these systems on Voyager?” the captain asked.

“Seven – I guess, our Seven,” Harry corrected with an apologetic smile, “believes the stealth technology is incompatible, but she thinks we could adapt the armor and weapons.”

Annika took a step closer. “Captain, you must make a decision. Time is of the essence.”

Kathryn glanced at Chakotay again, and since he saw no harm in at least taking advantage of the technology, he gave a small nod. Even if accepting help from the future felt like cheating, that discomfort was meaningless if the technology could ultimately help protect Voyager and the crew against the Borg. 

“Alright. Do it.”

“I believe it will take a few days to outfit Voyager with the ameliorations,” Annika added, nodding. “I'll provide assistance to accelerate the process. I believe if you reverse course now, we should be able to complete the process before we reach the nebula.”

The captain turned to Chakotay and they exchanged a silent look. Chakotay immediately understood her tacit order of do it, and he gave a nod before leaving the sickbay for the bridge. 

oooOooo

“Look, you can make fun of me all you want, but I know I’m right,” Harry replied defensively. His naivety was endearing, and Kathryn chuckled to herself. 

“Sure, Harry,” Tom replied, smiling, from the helm console. 

Kathryn exchanged a smiling look with Chakotay before standing from her captain’s chair with a sigh. “Well on that note, I will retire for the night. Commander, you have the bridge.”

Chakotay nodded, still smiling from the conversation.

“Oh,” Kathryn stopped for effect, “and I’m with Harry on this one,” she threw with a grin. 

Her comment provoked some additional chuckles from the bridge officers, and even a raised eyebrow from Tuvok. These were the kinds of moments that she would miss the most if Annika’s plan of returning home sooner worked – the lighthearted conversations on the bridge, or how the crew rallied behind her scientific curiosity when they discovered a new cosmic phenomenon.

Still grinning, she was about to leave the bridge when her combadge crackled to life. “Captain Janeway, you are required in sickbay,” the Doctor’s voice spoke. “Seven of Nine was just found unconscious.”

The mood on the bridge instantly sobered as Kathryn herself slowed down to a stop. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Chakotay jump to his feet before resolutely halting his step midway. He clamped his hands together behind his back slowly, as if every move was measured, but Kathryn saw a look of concern cross his features before he schooled them. What was that about?

“Thank you Doctor, I’ll be right there.” She hit her combadge again. “Captain Janeway to Annika, please meet me in sickbay.”

When Kathryn arrived in sickbay, the two Sevens were present, and both were awake. The younger version was sitting on the bed, while the older stood a short distance away.

“What happened?” Kathryn asked as she stepped closer.

“She appears to have suffered from a cortical EM surge, likely caused by a malfunction in her regeneration alcove,” the Doctor explained. 

“It was not a malfunction. While I was regenerating, the Borg Queen made contact with me. She was able to establish a connection with my mind.”

Kathryn inhaled sharply as she looked from one face to the other – none looked as grim as she felt. It was annoying to be the only emotional one in a room. 

“She is aware that Annika is aboard,” Seven went on with a brief look at the older version of herself, “and that we are returning to the nebula.”

“Then why has she spared us thus far?” Annika asked before Kathryn had a chance to. 

“She mentioned her fondness for me, and my own fondness for this crew. I stated that Voyager was no threat to the Collective – that all we want is simply to return to the Alpha Quadrant. Nevertheless, she responded that she would destroy Voyager if we entered her nebula.”

“Why is that nebula so important to her?” Kathryn asked as she took this in, leaning forward to rest her elbows on the console and clasping her hands together. 

“That is of little relevance. She will not be able to act on her threat,” Annika replied stoically. 

“How do you know?” Kathryn asked, made apprehensive by her confident tone. Overconfidence had been the Achilles’ heel of all too many captains, including herself, at times. However she wasn’t ready to risk her crew because of it this time, unless the odds truly turned in their favor.

“My own past as a Borg notwithstanding, I have had much experience with the Queen in my timeline. I am confident that the technology I have brought will be sufficient to survive any encounter with the Queen or any of her cubes. In fact, I would not be here had the technology not been successful in my timeline.”

“I wonder, if the Queen knows you’re here, why hasn’t she contacted you directly?” Kathryn asked curiously. 

“I no longer regenerate. As any human, I now reenergize through sleep.”

“That explains a few things,” Kathryn muttered under her breath, as she once again observed how bone tired this version of Seven – Annika – looked. “Look, it was one thing to attempt this when we thought it was a secret, but if the Borg are monitoring us…”

“There is no guarantee the Borg will not assimilate Voyager, even if we do not go back into the nebula,” Annika countered forcefully, and Kathryn couldn’t help but wonder if she was speaking from experience, from something she had gone through in her timeline. It was a chilling thought.

The Doctor leaned in, looking concerned. “Is that supposed to be reassuring?”

“Of course I know better than anyone what a destructive force the Borg can be,” Annika went on, “however from my perspective, they are decades away from the technological advances I have brought and installed on Voyager. They will not be in a position to match us.”

“But that’s no reason to push our luck either,” Kathryn replied as she weighted her options. None felt right. “Do you even know what is causing the neutrino emissions inside the nebula? Are we certain that it will be a way home?”

Annika seemed to hesitate for a moment, maybe trying to figure out what she could say without tempering with the prime directive. 

The appeal to ignore it altogether was getting more powerful by the minute to Kathryn, and she finally gave in. “Just tell me,” she requested, deflated, as her headache returned.

“Very well. The nebula conceals a Borg transwarp hub.”

Shocked speechless, Kathryn straightened and stood immobile for a long moment. Then she exhaled. “You can’t be serious!”

“I have little cause to make attempts at humor at the moment. Of course I am serious.”

“A transwarp hub!” Kathryn repeated incredulously. “Imagine the blow we could give the Borg if we could destroy it!”

This seemed to rattle Annika — she looked up in alarm. Apparently she had not anticipated this reaction, that the greater good of the galaxy would outweigh Kathryn’s desire to get home.  

“Captain, please-” she started, but Kathryn held up her hand. 

“This is a lot to take in, I need to think about this. And talk to my officers. This is too important to make a unilateral decision that would affect everybody’s lives. I’m not doing it this time.”

oooOooo

Chakotay hurriedly made his way to the Astrometrics lab, lost in thought. He had been briefly informed of Annika’s revelation, and he wasn’t sure what to think of the situation yet. A Borg hub? He understood the captain’s instincts of wanting to destroy it, yet he also believed that this was one of the best shots they had ever had of getting home. He knew Kathryn would be counting on him to have an opinion on the matter, but he needed more information to-

“Chakotay.”

He looked up and smiled as he saw Seven catching up to him and finally falling in step with him. “I heard what happened, are you alright?” he asked quietly as they walked. 

“I am functioning properly.”

“Good, I was concerned.”

“There was no need.”

Chakotay nodded. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, how are you dealing with all this, with having an older version of yourself aboard? I doubt anyone’s asked you if you were okay with it.”

“My feelings are of little importance. To me, she is an altogether different person.” She gave a small shrug. “Nevertheless, I concede that it has been quite satisfactory to work with her on the improvements to Voyager. She is… very efficient,” she added with a smile.

Chakotay grinned at her teasing and the scene that it prompted in his mind’s eye – the two Annikas ordering around the engineering teams in the most efficient manner possible, sometimes saying the same things at once, as if they read each other’s minds. “It must have been quite the sight, sorry I missed it!” he teased.

He and Seven were still smiling when they made their entrance, and immediately Chakotay’s eyes found the captain’s – only to find her staring right at them, her expression a flickering of curiosity and apprehension. Was it possible that she already had some suspicions about them? They had been discreet, but gossip was impossible to contain on a ship like Voyager. The realization turned his stomach into a tight knot, and that instinctual reaction annoyed him. 

He checked his smile and didn’t directly follow Seven, but rather walked to stand up next to the console by the captain. From the corner of his eye he noticed that both Annika’s and Janeway’s gaze followed his movement across the room – one almost reproachful, the other suspicious – and as much as he tried to stop it, he felt like the captain had caught him doing something he wasn’t supposed to. As though, somehow, he was betraying her. That fueled his irritation. Why should he feel guilty when she was the one who had given up? How was it that she still had so much power over him even though she had long made it clear that nothing could and would happen between them? 

When he finally looked up at her face, the stunned hurt in her eyes – and the fact that her shock was too raw and immediate for her to conceal her pain from him – instantly killed his anger. He had never seen her look at him like this before, with as much surprise and hurt, and it tugged at his heart so forcefully that he felt actual physical pain. She must have seen something of this reflected on his face, though, because she quickly looked away and schooled her features as she cleared her throat and got down to business.

“Looks like we’re all here. Annika,” she requested with a nod. 

Annika nodded as she touched the console and brought up images of the nebula, and then blueprints of a Borg hub. “While I have no direct knowledge of this particular hub – we did not encounter it in my timeline – I have prepared a schematic map of what they usually entail. Hubs connect with thousands of transwarp conduits with end points in all four quadrants. It allows the Collective to deploy vessels almost anywhere in the galaxy within minutes.” 

“Of all the Borg’s tactical advantages, this could be the most significant,” Tuvok said as he considered the blueprint.

“It’s no wonder the Queen didn’t want us in that nebula,” Chakotay commented, impressed by the scope of what they had discovered.

“So how do we destroy it?” Janeway asked, to the point. 

Chakotay noticed Annika didn’t look pleased by this question. It was Seven who answered. “The structure is supported by a series of interspatial manifolds. If we could disable enough of them, theoretically, the Hub would collapse.” 

“This is unproductive,” Annika interjected. “The shielding of those manifolds is regulated from the central plexus by the Queen herself. You may be able to damage one of them, perhaps two, but by the time you moved on to the third, she would adapt.”

“There may be a way to bring them down simultaneously,” Janeway suggested.

“Such an action can only be performed from inside the Hub. Voyager would be destroyed, or assimilated,” Annika replied. 

“What about taking the conduit back to the Alpha Quadrant and then destroying the structure from the other side?” Chakotay asked. Maybe they could kill more than one bird with one stone.

“This hub is here,” Annika replied. “There is nothing in the Alpha Quadrant but exit apertures. We have only a small amount of time before the Queen learns of our technological advantages – time is of the essence. So, I beseech you once again, take the ship back into that nebula and use the transwarp conduits, before it’s too late.”

“We have an opportunity to cripple the Borg, here, Annika, it could save millions of lives!” Janeway retorted, not without a hint of empathy.

“Forgive me, Captain, but I, and other members of this crew, have spent years designing a plan to help this crew get home safely, and now you are discarding it all on a self-righteous impulse. I have always admired your willingness to help others, but at least give it some more thought before you make your final decision.”

The captain considered it for a second, though she didn’t look pleased by Annika’s statements. “Very well, I will. In the meantime, Mr. Tuvok, I’d like you to work on ways to destroy that Hub. Dismissed.”

Chakotay briefly met the captain’s gaze before she looked away, and he nodded to himself. If she needed time to herself, then he would give her that. However, he needed her to know that he was still her first officer, her friend.

“Captain, if you need a sounding board, I’ll be in my quarters.”

She nodded, but didn’t look at him as she gathered her PADDs. “Thank you, Commander. I’ll keep that in mind.”

Chakotay sighed, but gave another nod before turning on his heels. 

oooOooo

Chapter Text

Chakotay was going over B’Elanna’s report on the upgrades when someone rang the bell to his quarters. “Come in,” he called before taking a sip from his coffee.

The door opened and revealed Annika, the older version, on the other side. “Chakotay,” she greeted with a nod.

He returned his attention to the report, hoping his expression didn’t reveal his disappointment that it wasn’t Kathryn coming to him for advice. In fact, the depth of his disappointment surprised him. 

“Annika,” he replied quietly in acknowledgement as he invited her to sit across from him with his hand. 

Annika stood in the doorway for a moment, looking straight at him, her gaze as sharp and efficient as ever as it traveled across his face, as if calculating odds or trying to find an algorithm that would give her the answer she was apparently looking for. Chakotay was used to this stare by now, and had even learned to find it endearing, yet still found it disconcerting. 

Eventually she walked closer but didn’t sit, and he inhaled, unsure what to make of this entire paradox, or what to expect from this older version of the person he knew. He had asked Seven how she felt about having Annika here, but perhaps the question he should ask was why it made him so uncomfortable.

At last she spoke. “You need to speak to the captain on my behalf,” she stated quietly, resolutely.

That was not what he had expected. He exhaled, both annoyed and relieved at once. He shook his head as he set his mug down on the coffee table. “I’m with Captain Janeway. I would rather strike a possibly fatal blow at the Borg and make a difference in the grand scheme of things, then give in to my hopes of going back to the Alpha Quadrant sooner. Besides, what you’re suggesting, as tempting as it is...it’s selfish, and irresponsible. Not to add at an extreme risk to this crew.” 

“Yes. I would not have expected this crew, and even less you, to agree without carefully weighing the consequences. But these… feelings you spoke of, are irrelevant.”

Feeling increasingly annoyed at her audacity, Chakotay took in a long breath. “Tell me something, what gives you the right to choose for Captain Janeway, for this crew?”

For the first time she lowered her gaze and Chakotay recognized the woman he knew in the flicker of emotions that quickly crossed her face. While he had thought that maybe this Seven/Annika had not gone through the same acceptance of human feelings as the one he knew, he now realized that it was not the case. This Annika was just better at concealing them. Maybe she had gone through the same process as Seven was at the moment, but in time had reverted back to using logic and reason as driving components of her personality. It was fascinating, in a way.

“I know what value Captain Janeway places on not disrupting the temporal prime directive,” she replied, “but believe me when I say, doing as I say would save this crew an extraordinary amount of torment and sorrow.”

This piqued his curiosity. So the captain had been right then, in suggesting that Annika was not only trying to get Voyager home, but also to prevent something from happening. The captain may place a high value on the temporal prime directive, but he didn’t share her qualms. “Tell me,” he requested as he dropped B’Elanna’s report on the coffee table. “I need to understand your motivation.”

She looked distraught for a brief moment, but then her sharp gaze returned to his face as she straightened her shoulders and linked her palms behind her back. “There were casualties, ones from which many of us found impossible to fully recover.”

Chakotay had half expected this argument, and though he didn’t like the sound of casualties, he had long come to peace with the fact that death was part of life. “While none of us wishes to die, we are all too aware that it could happen anytime, Annika. It’s a risk we’ve all agreed to take by staying on Voyager.” 

She gave an annoyed sigh. “Let me be more specific, then. If Captain Janeway does not change her course of actions, she will die – four days from now, precipitating a series of events and deadly encounters with the Borg that will tear this crew apart.” 

Shocked by this revelation, a prediction of the captain’s death, Chakotay let himself fall back against the back of his couch. He couldn’t quite imagine how that would impact him and the crew – it was too improbable, too impossible to even fathom. True, he had lost count of the number of times he had thought Kathryn gone over the last few years, but she’d always come back, and with the same fierce commitment to bring her crew home. At the same time, however, he also remembered all too well the despair, pain and emptiness that these near-death experiences had generated in him. They’d left their imprints in scar tissue in his heart. He had no wish to repeat the experience – yet who was he to make that choice? If he could give his life for his captain, he would, gladly, but change the course of history? He wasn’t sure if he was prepared to do that. Not even to spare her life. 

Annika’s gaze shifted out of focus, as if lost in her own thoughts. Her voice was subdued when she resumed. “Only a handful survived. And there are those who, even though they survived, only lived half-lives.”

Shaken by this dreary vision of the future, Chakotay stared at her for a long moment before he shook himself out of it. “Look, I understand that you’re trying to help-”

“No,” she interrupted impatiently, “in this instance I believe the word ‘help’ is gravely understating what I am trying to achieve. I took a chance in coming here, in a past to which I do not belong, and I am willing to do what is necessary to make sure that the plan is as safe as possible, and ultimately succeeds.”

Chakotay nodded, impressed by the passion and determination in her tone. “I understand, but try to see it from our perspective. The future you describe is only one possibility, right? You said you hadn’t encountered the hub in your timeline, so what if destroying it is enough to alter the course of history? Or, what’s to say that these events won’t happen even if we do as you suggest?”

“Of course I cannot be absolutely certain. But all my calculations point to much better odds of Voyager getting back to the Alpha Quadrant, with her intended captain, if you follow my plan.”

Chakotay gave a long sigh. 

“I have something that might sway your resolve,” she added as her hand fished out a PADD out of her bag and handed it to him.

Chakotay took it, looking up at her curiously. “What is it?”

“The Captain’s Log.”

He shook his head. “I can’t read the-”

“It’s not Janeway’s. This one starts four days from now.”

That meant… After Kathryn had died in her timeline. It suddenly dawned on him: this was his future log. “I see.”

She nodded and turned around to leave, but Chakotay stopped her. “Wait. I probably shouldn’t be asking you this, but in the future you come from, are we still…?” he trailed off, unsure how to label their relationship.

Her gaze softened for a brief moment. “No.”

“Oh. Was I one of the casualties you spoke of?”

“No, as this log will no doubt explain. You were still alive when I left my timeline. In fact, it was you who convinced me to come here in the first place.” She paused as she studied him closely for a long moment while Chakotay took this in. It was hard to believe that he would ever take such drastic steps, even though from what he’d learned just now his future appeared remarkably bleak. A morbid sense of curiosity compelled him to wonder what had happened, not only to Voyager, but between the two of them.

As if he had spoken out loud, she turned back to fully face him. “Tell me, what qualities do you admire in the Seven of Nine you know?”

The line of questioning took him by surprise, but he was also aware that wherever this was leading to, it was part of a larger argument. He cleared his throat. “Well, she’s…intelligent, brave, curious. I know for a fact that she would be willing to give her life for this crew.”

She nodded, as if he was confirming her thoughts. “Have you never considered that the qualities you admire in her are ones that Captain Janeway herself transmitted to her, even impressed upon her, over time?”

Chakotay’s frown deepened. It hadn’t. The two women seemed so different from one another. “Where are you going with this?”

“I am merely suggesting that, perhaps, the feelings you believe are meant for Seven of Nine are misdirected. And despite the romantic aspirations you may be feeling now, and the unspoken anger you harbor against Captain Janeway-” 

He opened his mouth to object, but she went on.

“Such feelings are irrelevant when pinned against your devotion and loyalty to the captain, and they surely will not help you deal with her loss – you will never truly recover from her death.” She paused and Chakotay caught a sudden mischievous light in her eyes. “That is, unless you convince her to go ahead with the plan to go through the transwarp conduit. Only then will you have a chance to find the happiness you never found in my timeline.”

Chakotay sighed as thoughts and possibilities and dread swirled around in his mind and in his heart. It was all so confusing. He wasn’t sure why he was so resistant to the idea of helping Annika achieve what she came here to do. Aside from the nagging feeling that it was selfish to want to go home now and save himself from future pain, was it also possible that maybe it sprang from his sense of duty to the captain? Perhaps, but he had never been afraid to disagree with her when he believed she made a wrong decision. He looked down at the PADD in his hand, such a light object for something that contained such a somber history. Perhaps reading it would in fact help him, the captain, and ultimately the crew.

While he was lost in thought, Annika had turned around to leave again. 

“By the way, who said I was mad at her?” he asked just as she was about to leave the room. 

“You have. Or rather, you will, approximately three months from now, when you realize that this anger was what prompted you to involve yourself with me in the first place.”

Feeling a mix of indignation and surprise at her insinuations, Chakotay looked down, frowning, and once she was gone, started to read.

oooOooo

“Captain’s Log, Stardate 55002.9 

It is with immeasurable sorrow that I record today as the day Captain Kathryn Janeway died. As per Starfleet protocols, I, Chakotay, have taken command of Voyager and am now Acting Captain.

The crew, including myself, is utterly shaken by this loss. I’m still in shock. I can scarcely find the words to write this. In fact I find myself reluctant to complete this log, since doing so makes it more real, somehow. And I am not yet ready to accept that. However I understand it my duty to record the events of the last two days, no matter how painful, so that’s what follows. 

About two weeks ago, we detected elevated neutrino emissions in a nebula in Grid 986. However when we went to investigate the anomaly, thinking this could possibly be a way home to the Alpha Quadrant, we found that the nebula was infested with Borg. We quickly backed out and resumed our journey. Unbeknownst to us, the Borg Queen had been made aware of our presence here. 

Four days ago, when a small armada of Borg vessels showed up on our sensors, we had little time to prepare. But the Doctor, with Lieutenant Paris’ help, had been working on a synaptic transceiver implant that would make it possible to directly maneuver a vessel by mind control. Counting on the fact that Tom and the Doctor would be able to complete the design in time to use it against the Queen and her armada, we devised a plan – as Captain Janeway’s yesterday’s log I’m sure details – that was meant to allow us to flee the area without having to engage the Borg by creating a diversion with a remotely-controlled shuttle, and some holographic projections that would place a fake Janeway in the shuttle.

Things did not go as planned. Feeling the pressure of the armada on our tail, the captain urged the Doctor hurry his prototype, and despite my and other senior officers’ objections, decided to be the one to be implanted. That way, she argued, she would be better able to control all aspects of the situation, while risking no one but herself. 

I am afraid my words fail here, as I find myself bucking at the memory of the next events. But I must finish this story.

For a while our subterfuge seemed to work, and we were able to put distance between ourselves and the armada, until the transceiver reached the maximum of its range. That’s when our small victory turned to nightmare. The transceiver malfunctioned – Seven of Nine and Lieutenant Torres are still trying to figure out what went wrong – but just like that, Captain Janeway went into seizures, and minutes later, the Doctor pronounced her dead. 

Captain Janeway had always been willing to give her life to save her crew, and even though I’m certain that this wasn’t what she had in mind, that is exactly what she did, for she was able to distract the Borg long enough for us to escape to a safer area of this section.

The memorial service is to be held tomorrow. 

Captain’s Log, Stardate 55041.96 

It has been a few weeks since Captain Janeway’s death, and I find myself struggling with the weight of my duties under such harrowing circumstances. The crew’s morale is as low as can be, and I dearly wish Neelix were still on board. He had acted as a kind of counselor to this crew for years. And this crew needs counsel now more than ever. 

I make every effort to rise up to the challenge and be the leader that Captain Janeway put her faith in by entrusting me to be her second in command, but I fear my grief is affecting the performance of my duties. My first instinct was to immerse myself in the work and perhaps then be able to pretend as if nothing had happened. But I find that the more I immerse myself in my duties as a captain, the more I am reminded of her, and sometimes the fantasy is so real that it feels as though she would walk into her ready room any minute, order a cup of black coffee from the replicator before greeting me with a teasing smile. I keep second-guessing my actions, wondering what she would do rather than go with my own judgment. Many of my senior officers have noticed, especially after my uncertainty and absent-mindedness almost cost us the Delta Flyer, and it has already created some tensions among them. They have raised questions about my ability to take this crew the rest of the way home, and I can’t say I blame them. Seven of Nine has also voiced her concerns quite forcefully, and it occurred to me that while we were both busy dealing with our loss, we casually started drifting apart. It is clear now that our relationship was a mistake. Be that as it may, I remain uncertain about the kind of leadership this crew needs right now, and if I am even in a position to offer it. 

What would you do, Kathryn?

I wish you were here to counsel me. No, I wish you were here, period.

Captain’s Personal Log, Stardate 55195.32 (2378)

Today I snapped at Harry on the bridge. And for no good reason, really. In fact I don’t even remember what set me off. Of course I quickly apologized, but to know that I am able of that kind of random bitterness worries me. My headaches have been getting worse, but the Doctor can’t find anything to explain them aside from stress. I find myself sleep-deprived because of them, which doesn’t help my overall mood. I seem to be angry with everyone, and I don’t know how to find peace again. A part of me – the part that had me join the Maquis in the first place – seems to be looking for a fight, anything to distract me from my own lonely thoughts and pain. Earlier tonight I sought guidance from my father and my spirit guide, to no avail. All I could think about was how I should have done something to prevent Kathryn from using the synaptic transceiver. If I had taken her place, then the crew would not be in such despair. 

I feel empty. Numb. Not even scientific and anthropological curiosities seem to touch me anymore. M-class planets, first contacts with unknown civilizations, multi-colored nebulae, twin stars circling each other – all seem meaningless.

B’Elanna keeps checking up on me, and she often brings Miral with her. Even though I can’t help but brush off B’Elanna’s more obvious attempts to make me face up to my grief, she seems to know that spending time with Miral brings me more comfort than anything, or anyone else, could. At about 3 months old, Miral is as fierce as her mother and as charmingly easy-going as her father. Right now, her innocence and basic needs are the only things that seem to keep me tethered to the crew and our mission.

Captain’s Personal Log, Stardate 55215.43 (2378)

I wish I were able to reach Kathryn with my spirit, and make sure that hers is free, unencumbered and as bright as the stars. I wish I could tell her how I miss her, and how much I regret being so secretive and distant toward her in the few weeks leading to her death.

Today I went on an away mission with Seven of Nine and Tuvok. It was a simple trading mission, (which I detail in my official log) and since I had been feeling restless and edgy for a while, the Doctor agreed that doing something more tangible might help me focus my mind. 

On our way to the planet’s surface, I had an interesting conversation with Tuvok about the Vulcan ritual of Kolinahr. While I wouldn’t want to go to such extremes as purging all emotions, a part of me wishes that I could deal with grief and pain as peacefully as he has. It would have spared me much sorrow and anger. 

This conversation made me realize something else too, something I should have realized much, much sooner; and that is how angry I was at Kathryn herself. Even though I had no real right to be, I was angry that she had given up on us. Today I was reminded of that time when Voyager was split into various time shifts, and for a while, I got to spend time with the Kathryn I had first known. She didn’t know me, yet she came to trust me, just like she had in my timeline, and I was reminded that this bond, this pull between us, had faded away by the time she died. And I was angry because I believed she had been the one to let it – even though I now realized that we were both guilty of trying to move on. What is more, I realized that it was this anger, this need to retaliate by looking the other way, that had made me look at Seven of Nine in the first place. 

When I confessed as much to Seven, she didn’t look all that surprised, or particularly hurt. In fact, it was as if she had known all along. Perhaps her insights into humanity are greater than we give her credit for. 

Here the log seemed to skip by about two Earth years, but Chakotay kept reading.

Captain’s Log, Stardate 57000.2 (2380)

While we were always on our guard, it had been a couple of years since our last encounter with the Borg, so we had hoped not to encounter them again – at least not until reaching the Alpha Quadrant.

But it was not to be. Over the last three days, we have run into as many Borg cubes. Luckily we were able to pass by the first two without detection – as we used the atmospheric interference of a neighboring planet to hide from their sensors. However, we weren’t as lucky with the third cube. We had to engage in battle – and sustained heavy damage, including a major hull breach. 

We were able to cripple them – but we all know that they can regenerate quickly. We are trying to make our escape as I record this.

Captain’s Log, supplemental

I regret to record that Ensigns Vedera and McLallan have perished during our most recent skirmish with the Borg cube. We will hold a funeral as soon as it is safe to do so. The attack has left us with minimal shield and two decks have sustained heavy damage.

Captain’s Log, Stardate 57015.28 (2380)

In the nick of time we were able to form a temporary alliance with the Piveans. They are not interested in a lasting relationship with the Federation. However, with the help of their weapons and numbers, we were able to destroy the Borg cube that had been tailing us.

I dare not hope that this will be our last encounter with them, because I know it will probably not be so.

Here, the log seemed to skip about six years. 

Chakotay took advantage of that rupture in the narrative to absorb what he’d gotten through so far, and try to shake off the dread that the last sentence had caused to take root in his gut. 

He went back to the previous log, the one that described his alter ego’s anger and conflicting feelings. It was hard to accept – hard to believe; yet this log was like a mirror held up to him, forcing him to face some things he hadn’t been comfortable even acknowledging to himself until now. He felt the pain and sorrow and regret of his alter ago as acutely as if he had lived through it all, and he had to fight the urge to go check on the captain, just to make sure that she was alive and breathing. The whole experience was painful, and he dearly wished he could just stop going through the log and forget about it – but it wouldn’t be right, and he couldn’t escape from the images and memories that had already been created. And there was a broader message in there, something that his alter ego wanted him to know about, and he was pretty sure that he hadn’t grasped it quite yet.

Another part of him was also embarrassed to think that he’d needed his future self to explain to him his own actions and feelings. It showed him a side of himself he didn’t particularly like – a petty and jealous side – and that was difficult to swallow. Yet it explained his feelings with surprising clarity: he’d always known deep down that his current frustrations and annoyance with the captain were all the ultimate consequence of his everlasting devotion to her. But was he truly seeing Seven because he felt the captain had let him down? It sounded selfish and spiteful. Yet, as painful as it was to admit, it made a twisted kind of sense.

But even if he accepted this to be the truth of his feelings, what was he supposed to do with this knowledge? The first step was of course to rid himself of the anger his alter ego and Annika had mentioned, and carefully examine his feelings for Seven – was there anything real? Or was it just some kind of fantasy fueled by his petty resentment and loneliness? Did he just admire her because he was attracted to the qualities that, as Annika had pointed out, were remnants of Janeway’s influence on her? Was she just second best? He hated that this log made him doubt the depth of his feelings for Seven, and he hated the idea that all this time he might have been using her for his own selfishness, albeit unintentionally. Yet he couldn’t ignore these doubts any longer. He cared for Seven too much to let that continue, that much he knew. 

And what about the captain? Deep down she had never stopped being his brave and beautiful warrior, his guiding light, but he was also acutely aware that a relationship with her was impossible as long as he was her first officer – she wouldn’t allow it, even if she felt that way about him. He had to give Annika and his future self some credit, though, because that alone made a shorter trip home all the more enticing. Once in the Alpha Quadrant, he could easily resign his commission and teach archaeology in an anthropology department, thereby rendering the chain of command irrelevant. But that depended on many things, such as where his own feelings led him now, and what, if anything, Kathryn desired.

Unsatisfied with the questions and uncertainties that all these thoughts raised, he returned his attention to the log. He dreaded the rest of it, since Annika had warned him that there had been multiple casualties over the years. But he forced himself to keep on going. While what he had learned so far had made him reconsider some of his actions towards the captain, he wouldn’t understand Annika’s and by her account – his own – desperation to change the future unless he knew the full story. So he read on.

Captain’s Log, Stardate 62508.45 (2386)

It feels like it was only yesterday that I had the unbearable duty to make note of Captain Janeway’s death in this record. The memory of the terrible sorrow and pain that never really went away is made all too fresh in my mind by recent events. It falls once again on me to make note of another terrible event that has befallen this crew.

Miral Paris has been taken from us, and likely assimilated, by the Borg. 

B’Elanna and Tom are shattered with grief and despair and I am at a loss as to how to help them. Nick, of course, is too young to understand what’s going on, but he misses his sister bitterly. 

This has greatly affected Seven of Nine as well, who was about Miral’s age when she was assimilated as a child. She feels guilty, though it wasn’t her fault, and she’s been as angry and hurt as I have ever seen her. She has made a formal request to no longer answer to “Seven of Nine” but only to Annika. Strangely, she and B’Elanna seem to have found common ground over their shared rage, and they make a formidable pair. They are determined to find a way to get Miral back. I wish they will find a way with all my heart, but so far the chances of recovering her without endangering more of the crew appear slim. 

I have loved Miral as if she were my flesh and blood from the moment she was born. I am heartbroken.

How many more losses will we have to suffer before we make it home? There has already been too many. Rumor has it some of the crew have started reconsidering their remaining on Voyager. I would lie if I hadn’t considered giving up myself. But every time the thought crosses my mind I think about Captain Janeway, and I swear to myself that her death will not have been in vain. 

As for recovering Miral, we will find a way. We have to. 

Her abduction started when-

The log was interrupted, and Chakotay was relieved to be spared the details of the abduction. Unshed tears had already choked him as he’d read through that passage – he would probably weep openly if he read anymore. Yet, he knew that there had to be more. He took in a calming breath before he resumed his trip to the future.

Like his future self had foretold, between the Stardates 62509 and 64886, which by Chakotay’s calculations lasted about three Earth years, the Voyager crew encountered one Borg vessel after another. There had been many casualties resulting from these encounters, 14, by Chakotay’s count. But at last the crew’s persistence seemed to pay off. While they failed to recover Miral, they were able to gain some intelligence about technology to defeat the Borg. By all accounts, this was the technology that Annika had brought with her from her timeline. 

However, the crew’s losses were not yet over. 

Over the last few logs, the captain had alluded to Tuvok’s increasingly strange and erratic behavior. In his log for Stardate 66196.5, his alter ego recounted how, while in charge of the bridge, Tuvok’s error in judgment caused Voyager to get hit by fatal radiation waves from a hypernova lightyears away. The radiation from the exploding massive star was such that 9 crewmembers died, including Ensign Wildman. After this terrible event, Tuvok confessed to having a degenerative disease that had apparently started affecting his behavior, cognitive functions and memory. If only we had been able to get home sooner, the captain wrote, he would have benefited from the Vulcan cure, and Naomi would still have a mother.

About an Earth year later, they finally found a wormhole stable enough to allow them to jump forward by several lightyears. However, their luck came at a high price, as the unstable matrix of the wormhole collapsed two decks, once again killing 12 crewmembers. By that time, Chakotay’s future self appeared detached, clinical, and bitter. Chakotay didn’t like him much, but couldn’t blame him either for retreating into himself. 

The remaining few entries were about their return to the Alpha Quadrant at last, and to Earth in 2394, sixteen years after Captain Janeway’s death. By then Voyager was as battered as what remained of the crew. It was clear from Captain Chakotay’s log that, even though he had been in command of Voyager longer than Captain Janeway herself, he had always felt like a usurper, and that he could never quite foster the same level of loyalty that Kathryn had in the seven years she had been in command. Why that was the case was not clear from the excerpts included in the log, but Chakotay was aware that he’d only been made aware of key moments, and certainly not all that had befallen the crew over sixteen years. 

According to the log, festivities had awaited those who had returned while memorials had been held for those who had not made it, but Captain Chakotay appeared extremely wary of the attention and good wishes. It turned out he was right to be suspicious.

His final entry read: 

I am resigning my commission. After everything that Voyager and our crew went through, I can’t believe Starfleet Command is still suspicious of my Maquis past. Luckily that is not the case for B’Elanna and the others. While I did not expect any special treatment, I was hoping for at least some kind of pardon, or maybe a chance to apply for a teaching position on Earth. But no. They even went so far as to suggest that Kathryn’s death had been convenient for my promotion – because under no other circumstances would I have been granted the rank of Captain. Their spite and dislike of the Maquis, even though that fight ended years ago, revolts me. I wish Kathryn had been there – she would have been furious, but she would have used her humor and natural authority to make her point. She always stood up for us, and I know she would have stood up for me today. Not that I needed anyone do so, in fact I was more than able to voice my discontent (which probably didn’t help my cause that the admirals required security to remove me), but it comforted me to think of her. I still miss my beautiful, wise warrior sorely.

So, since the admiralty so kindly reminded me that a post at the University was so far out of the question, I’m leaving. I will miss my crew – my friends, my family. But there’s nothing for me on Earth. We were too late to help Tuvok and he has been institutionalized – his beautiful mind is all but erased by disease; Annika feels (rightly) that the Federation has no trust in her, and has been having trouble fitting in on human-populated worlds. She’s been traveling and hunting Borg and abducting human drones whenever she found them to reverse their assimilation. In a way she’s continuing what Kathryn did for her, and I’m proud of her for that, but she’s chosen a dark path. Tom, B’Elanna and Nick have found a way to make a new life on Earth, but B’Elanna has never really been the same since Miral was taken. As for Harry, he might well be the only one who found a happy return home, even though his parents died a few years ago – he was promoted pretty much as soon as the crew stepped foot on Earth. It is well deserved. I know he will do well as a Starfleet officer, and I have a feeling it won’t be long before we’re the ones calling him ‘captain.’ But for most of us, returning home was not what it had promised to be. Even Voyager is to be decommissioned, and turned into a museum. I wonder what Kathryn would think of that…

If only I could go back in time, I would do all in my power to protect the captain, and right all of the wrongs that her death brought along with it.  

Chakotay turned off the PADD, his mind full of the terrible images this tale had created in his head, images of his possible future. He took in a long breath before releasing it slowly. While destroying the Hub now would probably alter the timeline substantively, there was no way to tell how the Borg would retaliate should Voyager stay in the Delta Quadrant. He had to say something to the captain – not for himself, but for Tuvok and B’Elanna and Tom, and so many others, who would risk losing too much if they failed to return home soon.

Having made his decision, he stood with newfound determination. “Computer, locate Captain Janeway.”

“Captain Janeway is in the mess hall.”

oooOooo

Chapter Text

“Coffee, two sugars.”

Chakotay’s command to the replicator startled Kathryn out of her reverie. She’d been sitting here for a while now, absent-mindedly sipping her own cup of coffee while staring up at the colors of the nebula out the window. Her mind had wandered from recollections, to speculations, to regrets to anticipation and back for more recollections – and Kathryn had let her thoughts range freely. Just for a few moments, she didn’t want to feel the weight of her decision on her shoulders. Or think about her suspicion – no, discovery – about Chakotay and Seven. It all made sense now, how he’d been brushing her off when she’d invited him to join her for their usual lunch or dinner together, or how strangely chipper Seven had been recently. When she had seen them walk in together today… It had been a much more painful blow than she would have ever anticipated, but she couldn’t deal with this at the moment, she wasn’t ready to think about her feelings, or what they meant. For now she had to focus on the task at hand.

Chakotay approached her quietly and she gave him a tired smile when he reached her. “May I join you?”

She patted the seat next to her in reply.

“Enjoying the view?” He sat down next to her, but at a respectful distance, and Kathryn let a derisive smile touch her lips. That short distance had never felt so vast.

“I wish I could say that I am, but the truth is, under the circumstances I can’t seem to be able to appreciate its beauty.”

“That’s understandable, when you know what’s hiding inside.”

Kathryn nodded, but remained silent.

“Captain,” he started uncertainly, “about what you saw earlier, I feel as though I have to explain-”

“Not now, Chakotay,” she interrupted. Her voice sounded tired even to her own ears.

“Alright,” he acquiesced with a quick intake of breath, but Kathryn knew him well enough to know that he had more to say.

“Something else on your mind, Commander?”

He gave a small smile, the one that Kathryn had always found most attractive. It was a shy little crooked smile, as if it just barely escaped Chakotay’s control – Kathryn called it the charmer in her head. It was that smile that had first drawn her to him, that had made her trust him with her life, when she had decided to make him her first officer years ago. It felt like a lifetime ago now.

“Has the Doctor completed the crew’s physicals recently? Tuvok’s, in particular?” he asked at last.

That was not what Kathryn had expected, and she threw him a curious glance. “Why?”

“I’m worried about him. He seems to be getting forgetful, even confused, sometimes.”

“I haven’t noticed anything, but I’ll talk to him,” Kathryn conceded, now concerned for her friend as well. Was there something going on with him that she had missed because her own worries blinded her to anything else?

“Good.” He nodded before taking a sip from his coffee, a frown of concentration creating lines on his forehead. “Kathryn, I’ve been thinking, I think we should try Annika’s plan.”

Now that was closer to what Kathryn had been expecting from him. She took in a deep breath, readying herself for the argument she knew they were about to have. But he went on before she could raise her objections.

“Hear me out,” he said as his hand touched her forearm. “I can’t quite shake my original idea – what if we’re able to do both? Use the conduit, and destroy the hub once we’re through?”

Now intrigued, Kathryn leaned forward, curious to hear more. “How?”

“Tom said Annika controlled her ship using a synaptic transceiver implant, were you aware of that?”

“Yes, the Doctor mentioned that earlier. What about it?”

“Isn’t there a way we could use it to our advantage? As a subterfuge to distract the Queen while we make our approach, maybe? Who knows, maybe she could even get close enough to eliminate the conduits’ shields.”

Hope flared inside her with a bright, warm flame at his words and she leaned closer eagerly.

“You think that’s possible?”

“Why not? Annika is here, and she is ready to do everything in her power to get us home, why not accept her help? If she contacted the Queen using her transceiver, maybe she could fool her into thinking she’s really Seven, asking to negotiate passage through the nebula.”

“That’s extremely risky, Chakotay. Especially to Annika. Have you discussed this with her?”

Chakotay shook his head, but a strange look crossed his face, as if he knew something she didn’t, and was trying to hide it. “No, but I’m pretty sure she would be ready to risk it, even sacrifice herself if need be.”

That seemed extreme for Chakotay, and Kathryn looked at him in surprise. “What makes you say that?”

He hesitated. “Let’s just say… she gave me a glimpse of the future. Besides, she could never truly belong here with us – she’s from another world, another reality. She knows that. I don’t think it was ever her intention to remain on Voyager, even if we decided not to do as she suggested. I don’t think she could relive it,” he added softly, as if to himself.

Kathryn studied his face for a moment, trying to determine if this knowledge had perhaps come not from Annika, but from his close relationship with Seven. Had he come to know her that well?

“A glimpse of the future…?” She repeated at last. “How?”

“She gave me access to one crewmember’s log. Well, mine, actually,” he admitted.

Kathryn’s eyebrows rose at this. 

“You know it was the strangest thing to read through his log,” Chakotay went on eagerly, as if he’d been longing to talk to someone about his experience. She felt a strange thrill to know that he’d chosen to tell her. “The man who recorded all of those entries is me, but he’s also not. Seven said that she viewed Annika as an entirely different person, and I see her point because our experiences fashion us, shape us, as we go through life… but reading his log was like facing my own, unique, personal take on life, and my own fears and even my own demons. He reacted to events in exactly the same way I know I would, and I’m not sure what to make of this paradox. It’s uncanny.”

Kathryn allowed a crooked smile to form on her lips as she curled her legs under her and leaned her elbow against the back of the couch to rest her temple against her knuckles. “That’s why I hate temporal anomalies. So how was the future?” She asked with genuine curiosity.

Chakotay shook his head, and Kathryn was surprised to see a deep sadness darken his expression. He swallowed visibly. “Grim. Very grim. Whatever happens, I hope we never have to go through what they went through.”

“I didn’t realize it was so bad.”

He cleared his throat. “Which is why I’m willing to trust Annika on this. But I also agree with you that it’s our duty to destroy the Hub. I think we should at least try to come up with a plan that would allow us to do both.”

“Alright. Let’s call in the troops.” Kathryn agreed as she set her mug on the table. Then something occurred to her. “What you said about Tuvok’s health – did you learn it from…?”

“Yes. I don’t know much about what ails him, but according to my alter ego, there’s still hope for him if he returns to the Alpha Quadrant soon.”

“I see.”

“He might be aware of his condition by now, you should ask him about it.”

“Thank you, I will.”

He seemed to relax a little into his seat, and The Charmer returned to his lips. “You’re not mad at me for ignoring the temporal prime directive?” He asked, raising his coffee to his lips.

Kathryn smiled herself. “I probably should be, but the truth is I’ve been debating with myself about it ever since Annika showed up here. You know how curious I am.”

The Charmer got a little wider, into a different kind of smile, a teasing, dimpled one. Oh she liked that one too. “That I do.”

“It’s pure torture not to be able to satisfy that curiosity.”

His smile slowly vanished and he frowned into his cup. “Well, in this case at least, you’re probably better off not knowing.”

“That’s not helping to satisfy my curiosity, but I’ll take your word for it.”

“Good.” He set his cup down onto the table and rose to his feet. “I’ll get Annika, Seven and Tuvok working on some scenarios.”

“Very well. We’ll call in a meeting as soon as they have something. I’d like to have a chat with Tuvok before you speak to him, though.”

He gave a brief nod and took a couple of steps toward the door before Kathryn stopped him. “That other thing you were going to tell me about… We should talk about it when this is over.”

He nodded, and smiled. “If we’re lucky we’ll be able to have that conversation over drinks on Pier 39.”

San Francisco. Kathryn smiled wistfully at the thought, and couldn’t help the brief somersault of longing in her stomach. She resisted the impulse to say ‘it’s a date,’ and merely nodded instead. Because clearly, even if this plan worked, it was too late to think about the possibilities and secret hopes that she had for so long denied her conscious mind. 

He had already moved on.

oooOooo

“Your concern is appreciated, Captain, but premature,” Tuvok reassured as he sat in her ready room. “It will be several years before the symptoms become serious. Until then, the Doctor can manage my condition with medication.”

“Is it true that there’s a cure in the Alpha Quadrant?” Kathryn asked, still shocked that she had been unaware of this before now. Tuvok had always liked his privacy, but this was too important to keep secret.

Tuvok nodded. “It is called a-fal-tor-vo, and it requires a mind meld with another Vulcan.”

“What about the other Vulcans on Voyager?”

“None of them are compatible.”

Kathryn sighed as it dawned on her. “But members of your family are.”

Tuvok nodded again and Kathryn sat down next to him. “If you knew that returning to the Alpha Quadrant was your only chance for recovery, why didn’t you object when I asked you to help find a way to destroy the Hub?”

“My sense of logic isn’t impaired yet. If we succeed, millions of lives will be saved.”

“What about your life?”

“To quote Ambassador Spock: ‘The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.’”

“Yes. That has been my own philosophy since I made Captain. But sometimes it’s tempting to be a little bit more selfish, isn’t it?”

“Our survival instinct is a powerful force driving our actions, Captain. Yet I believe there are times when we must do all we can to resist its allure.”

“Chakotay has suggested that we might be able to go through the conduit, and destroy the Hub. Do you think that’s possible?”

Tuvok considered it. “Perhaps. It would be extremely risky, but with the technological advantages Annika has provided, it might be feasible.”

“If the Queen hasn’t found out about them yet.”

“That is a possibility we should prepare for.”

Janeway nodded. “I’d like you to work with Annika and Seven on potential scenarios. I’m not quite willing on giving up hope of getting you home yet.”

oooOooo

Chakotay hadn’t been able to get any sleep after he’d given their assignments to Seven, Annika and Tuvok, and if he could judge by the drawn faces of the people standing around the table now, he hadn’t been the only one. The smell of caffeine filled the air as the officers fueled up on whatever energy they could garner from the beverage. They had already gone through the first part of the plan, which involved Annika entering the conduit to get as close as possible to the plexus, then use her synaptic transceiver to establish a connection with the Queen to distract her while Voyager made her approach. 

“Once inside, we’d fire a spread of transphasic torpedoes,” Tuvok explained as he showed the simulation on the monitor. 

Seven nodded. “They’d be programmed to detonate simultaneously.”

“If Annika is successful in destabilizing the shields, the torpedoes should penetrate them,” Tuvok went on, “and the conduits should begin to collapse in a cascade reaction. In order to get ahead of the shockwave, Annika will have to distract the Queen long enough for us to get as far as possible into the conduit before we detonate the torpedoes. Timing will be of utmost importance.” 

A heavy silence filled the room, until the captain took a step forward. “A long time ago, I made a decision that stranded this crew in the Delta Quadrant. I don’t regret that decision, but I didn’t know all of you then. And Voyager was just a starship. It’s much more than that, now. It’s become our home. I know I could order you to carry out this plan and none of you would hesitate for a second, but I’m not going to do that. You know the crewmen who work under you, and you know what your own hearts are telling you. So we’re not going to attempt this unless everyone in this room agrees. No one will think less of you if you don’t,” she finished with a pointed look at Harry.

“Captain.”

“Go ahead, Harry.”

“I think it’s safe to say that no one on this crew has been more…obsessed with getting home than I have. But, when I think about everything we’ve been through together, maybe it’s not the destination that matters, maybe it’s the journey. And if we have a small chance of doing something we all believe in as we try to bring that journey to an end, I think it’s worth the risk. I don’t think any of us would feel right if we left the Hub intact, even if that brought us safe and sound to the Alpha Quadrant. And to be honest, I can’t think of any people I’d rather be with to take this leap.”

Chakotay smiled, moved by Harry’s speech. He couldn’t have said it better himself, and pride diffused on Janeway’s face as she swept the room with glassy eyes.

Tom raised his coffee mug. “To the journey.” 

“Hear hear!” Chakotay joined the rest of the crew in their toast. 

oooOooo

Annika was making sure all was in order in her shuttle, when she noticed her younger self had stepped in and was studying her silently.

“You’re curious about me,” Annika stated as she kept her eyes on her task.

“A curiosity you do not seem to share,” Seven replied and Annika smiled to herself before looking up. 

“That is because I was you, once. There is no mystery to reveal.”

Seven frowned a little. “I see.”

“What do you wish to know?”

“You didn’t say so in the briefing, but what you are about to do… You won’t survive it.”

Annika let out a small sigh. “No.”

“You’re prepared to die?”

Annika paused, as thoughts and images of the people she had left behind flashed through her mind – Erick, Chakotay, B’Elanna… “I have no wish to die, but I’m prepared, and willing, if it can get Voyager home. I knew this would likely be the outcome when I volunteered to come here.”

“Was your life so terrible that you would want to change it?”

“Not all of it was terrible. Yet, terrible events seem to outweigh the few that brought me joy. Besides, I am not doing this to change only my life. There is more at stake.”

Seven nodded and looked around the shuttle. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

Annika tapped the console to run a diagnostic on the synaptic interface. “There is one thing.” She turned to face Seven. “When you make it to the Alpha Quadrant, I would like you to consider undertaking a new pursuit.”

“What pursuit?”

“Establish a rehabilitation program for human Borg drones. Rescue them, and teach them how to be human again. Even if we succeed in crippling the Borg’s ability to travel, there will still be Cubes roaming the galaxy in search of technologies to assimilate. And you have already started the process with the children aboard this vessel.”

Seven frowned a little. “Of course, but human drones are not necessarily easy to come by, even in the Alpha Quadrant.”

Annika shook her head. “No. They are not. It is a dangerous enterprise. But all I am asking is that you consider it. If everything else fails, and you feel lost, such an endeavor will give you purpose, and pride. And then perhaps you’ll find love again.”

Seven startled at her words, and frowned. “Again?”

Annika did not reply her directly. “Should you undertake this endeavor, and find yourself lucky enough to recover a human drone designated Five of Twelve from Unimatrix Zero Three… Do all you can to save him. He will be important to you, as a man you will know as Erick.”

Seven gave a perplexed nod, filled with many unasked questions. “I will consider it.”

Annika returned her attention to the console, and swallowed the sudden lump constricting her throat. “Thank you.”

oooOooo

“I’m ready to depart, Captain,” Annika announced as she and Chakotay entered Kathryn’s ready room. 

“Her ship is ready to go, and the Doctor has given her the viral pathogen, as we planned,” Chakotay added. 

Kathryn stood and walked around her desk to face Annika. Unlike Chakotay and others from the crew, she hadn’t gotten to know this version of Seven, and now she felt sorry for it. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? Perhaps I should be the one using the implant to distract the Queen.”

“No!” Annika and Chakotay shouted at once, and Kathryn recoiled in surprise at their urgent plea. The two of them exchanged a quick, guilty look. 

“Our plan is set, Captain. I alone can pretend to be Seven of Nine,” Annika went on in a more neutral tone. “Besides, the implant has been designed specifically for my DNA and could not be transferred to another individual. Do not concern yourself on my behalf, I’ve been prepared to do something like this since I first volunteered for this mission.”

“Very well,” Kathryn conceded with a nod. Reaching up to rest her hands on Annika’s upper arms she looked up into her eyes as she gave her arms a gentle squeeze. “Good luck, Annika.”

Kathryn was surprised to see the stoic mask Annika had been wearing start to crack, causing her to blink away unshed tears. Then she pulled Kathryn into a tight hug. Surprise made Kathryn slow in her reaction, but after a second she circled her arms to pat her back, unsure what to make of this display of affection. She glanced at Chakotay, but his eyes were cast down to his feet. Annika pulled back as suddenly as she had leaned in and straightened, tugging on her jacket as she did so.

“And good luck to you, Captain Kathryn Janeway.”

Then she turned to Chakotay. “Chakotay,” she said as she extended her hand. He took it. “Remember what you learned. It's not too late to make things right.”

Chakotay shook her hand slowly. “You certainly gave me much to think about.”

She pulled back her hand and gave a firm nod to them both. “Farewell, friends.”

She turned on her heels and quickly left the room. 

Shaken by the farewell a little in spite of herself, Kathryn took a moment to regroup before she cleared her throat and turned to Chakotay. “Shall we?”

He took in a long breath and straightened up, as if bracing himself, then nodded. “Let’s do this.”

With Chakotay on her heels, Kathryn walked onto the bridge and looked at each of her officers before she took her seat. 

“Where’s Tom?” she asked when she noticed his absence from the helm. “Bridge to Lieutenant Paris, we’re ready to get underway.”

“Captain, I’m afraid-” he stopped, and kept silent.

Kathryn exchanged a look with Chakotay. “Is there a problem, Mr. Paris?”

There was a momentary pause, and then: “On my way, Captain.”

“Captain, Annika’s vessel has entered the conduit, and now appears to be inside the central plexus, as planned.”

“Very well, Mr. Tuvok. Let’s go on red alert, and all stations, stand ready.”

oooOooo

Chapter Text

Inside her shuttle, Annika concentrated her thoughts in order to hack into the Queen’s telepathic communications by using the ship’s synaptic interface. From where she hid in her cloaked shuttle, the Hub looked much larger than on the map. Fear coursed through her veins alongside with adrenaline, but she had long learned to harness them to her advantage. Today she would use them to draw the strength she needed to send Voyager home. She had to succeed. There was no other alternative. Her thoughts briefly went to Chakotay – the older man from her timeline – and to Miral Paris, and to all those they had lost or who had suffered, and it had the effect to strengthen her resolve, and find peace in what she was about to do.

It wasn’t long before she felt the connection, and she almost recoiled from it. It had been years since she had been finally rid of her Borg implants – aside from her ocular implant – and she had not missed any of it. She quickly checked her thoughts as she focused on the matter at hand. It took a few moments to make sense of the Collective voices, and then the Queen joined in.

“Well, this is a surprise,” the Queen drawled, almost in a singsong voice, at Annika’s intrusion. “Seven of Nine. I didn’t think you would join us again. Welcome. I see that Voyager has altered course.” 

“I have come to make an offer on behalf of Captain Janeway.”

“How unexpected. I’m listening.”

“As you are aware, we have a visitor from the future aboard Voyager. We are willing to give you access to her technology, if you agree to grant us safe passage through one of your transwarp conduits.”

“How very bold of Captain Janeway. I must admit, I’m surprised that she would be willing to offer such power to the Collective, and for what? To go home.” Her voice was derisive and dangerous. “She must be desperate indeed.”

“We all are. All we want is to return home.”

“I would be willing to consider it,” she trailed off, as if she was considering it. “But I would need more.”

“What more do you want? With this technology the Collective will be unstoppable.”

“Hmm, perhaps. But I need leverage. Captain Janeway has proven to be untrustworthy and devious. You would do nicely, I believe.”

“What could you possibly want with me?”

“We miss you, Seven of Nine. And with you within my grasp, your dear captain would think twice about trying to trick me.”

“That is unacceptable.”

“Then perhaps your visitor would volunteer to take your place.” Annika felt her heart turn to ice at the Queen’s triumphant tone. “Wouldn’t you, Annika Hansen?”

Annika quickly recovered. “You have uncovered my ruse. Well done. It does not change the fact that my offer is real.”

“Don’t play me for a fool, and do not underestimate me,” the Queen’s tone had turned dangerous and icy. “While we were talking my drones have triangulated your signal.”

“Computer, deactivate the interface,” Annika commanded, instantly breaking the connection to the Collective. “Deploy armor.”

Before she could move the shuttle out of the way, a tractor beam caught it in its net, and Annika felt the tingly sensations of being transported. When she became conscious again, she was standing inside the Borg vessel, facing the Queen.

Annika looked around, fighting the panic that arose in her chest at being here, once again. She searched for the calm resolve she had found earlier within herself, and she schooled her expression and focused on the Queen, who was leisurely pacing in front of her, like a wolf who had cornered its prey.

“Very clever,” the Queen said. “Hiding right on my doorstep. Were you planning to attack us from inside the Unicomplex?”

When Annika didn’t comment, the Queen turned to face her again. “Not feeling talkative?” In a few steps she bridged the distance that separated them, and before Annika could react, the Queen had her in her grasp, and she felt the assimilating needles penetrate her neck. She gasped in pain and slid to the ground, her lungs fighting for air. 

“You disappoint me, Annika. You know full well that you and I don’t need words to understand each other. Welcome back to the Collective, Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero One.”

~0~

“Mr. Tuvok, deploy armor,” Kathryn ordered as they approached the Hub. “Prepare transphasic torpedoes.”

She slowly paced the bridge as she kept her eyes on the viewscreen, which showed the extensive transwarp network, and countless Borg cubes.

“Take us in.”

“Aye, Captain,” Paris confirmed with a bracing sigh.

~0~

Crippled by the pain that seemed to burn through every vein of her body, Annika could barely move as the all-too-familiar sound of the Collective voice resonated in her mind. “Voyager has entered aperture 823. Access, transwarp corridor zero-nine.”

The Queen gave a triumphant smile. Redirect vessels to intercept. But then she groaned and bent over with a cry of pain, and Annika knew the pathogen was finally being assimilated. The Collective voice faltered, and kept repeating the same words incoherently. “Redirect vessels to intercept…nine. New corridor, nine… Voyager… zero… nine… transwarp.”

“I’m afraid my assimilation does not agree with you,” Annika croaked with a chuckle, the likes of which she had rarely allowed herself to let out. It felt remarkably good.

The Queen squirmed and writhed with an anguished cry of pain. “What have you done?

“I am disappointed, you said words were irrelevant for us,” Annika replied saucily, enjoying this much more than she should. Miral, she thought, this is for you.

Searching for air, and walking with difficulty, the Queen looked with morbid fascination as her arm disconnected from her body, and fell to the floor. “You have infected us, with a neurolytic pathogen,” she panted.

Annika laughed again – it was an uncontrollable urge, and she relished it. It was liberating. “Merely enough to bring chaos to order.”

The Queen cried in pain again, and she fell to the ground as one of her legs detached from her body.

~0~

“Annika has succeeded, Captain. The conduit’s shield is destabilizing.

“Now, Mr. Tuvok.”

“Launching torpedoes.”

The torpedoes hit their designated targets, destroying the conduit’s shields.

~0~

“Voyager will be destroyed.”

It was difficult to breathe now, and Annika knew the end was coming, but she had to keep distracting the Queen while she still could. This was her revenge. She had to live through it. “They are well ahead of the shock wave. They will survive. We made sure of that. It is you who underestimated us.”

The Queen perked up slightly, as if listening in for the Collective voice. “Sphere 634, they can still hear my thoughts…”

Annika heard the order as the Queen thought it. Sphere 634, pursue Voyager.

“I may have assimilated your pathogen,” the Queen continued as her body shuddered and bolted from the ground on which she lay, “but I also assimilated your armor technology. Seven of Nine and Captain Janeway are about to die, and when they die, nothing that you have done here today will ever happen.”

Annika closed her eyes as she shook her head. She knew the truth – that their plan would protect the future, and she trusted Chakotay to keep that mission alive. This fundamental truth, which she knew with every fiber of her human body, calmed her. 

And then she felt the explosion rock the floor beneath her, and she smiled.

~0~

Voyager shook from the Sphere’s attacks, and Kathryn held on tightly as she kept her eyes on the dizzying lights of the conduit on the screen, her stomach in a tense knot and her heart beating madly inside her ribcage.

“Aft armor is down to six percent,” Tuvok stated from his station.

“Hull breaches on Decks Six through Twelve,” Harry added. 

“I can’t stay ahead of them, Captain,” Tom warned, his voice tight with worry and strain.

“The armor is failing,” Tuvok stated.

“Where is the nearest aperture?” Chakotay asked as he ran from Tuvok’s console to Seven’s.

“Approximately 30 seconds ahead, but it leads back to the Delta Quadrant,” Seven answered.

Kathryn took in a breath, and her voice sounded much calmer than she felt when she ordered: “Mr. Paris, prepare to adjust your heading.”

“Yes ma’am.”

The firing suddenly stopped, and the viewscreen was unsettlingly dark. “Mr. Paris, what’s our position?”

“Right where we expect to be, Captain. Inside the sphere.”

Kathryn nodded. Their plan seemed to be working perfectly so far. 

“The transwarp network has been obliterated, Captain,” Seven informed her.

“We’ll celebrate later. Mr. Tuvok?”

“Ready, Captain.”

“Tom, be ready to get us out of here.”

“Aye Captain.”

“Fire.”

The explosion blinded Kathryn and she had to raise her arm to protect her eyes from the brightness, but then the sudden increase in speed made her stumble backward. She grabbed the console and stabilized herself. There was another shockwave coming from behind Voyager, this one pushing Kathryn forward, and she realized that the Sphere had been destroyed.

Two seconds later and they were clear of the blast, and Voyager slowed back down.

Kathryn looked around the bridge and quickly assessed that no one was hurt before she returned her eyes to the viewscreen.

Her eyes widened. She felt Chakotay step beside her, but her eyes were glued to the vision in front of her: an armada of ships. Federation ships.

Kathryn felt her eyes sting with unshed tears and she blinked. “We did it,” she breathed.

There was a long second of complete silence, before suddenly the tension seemed to evaporate and the bridge officers sighed and even laughed. Tom covered his mouth with his hands incredulously, and she heard Chakotay chuckle quietly next to her. Then Tom stood, turned to face her, and started to clap. That shook her out of her shock, but was surprised when Chakotay, Harry, Tuvok and Seven all in turn joined in with Tom, grinning faces all around her.

Overcome with emotion, she extended her hand to Chakotay without thinking, and he grabbed it without hesitation, squeezing tightly as he stared into her eyes. 

Looking into his expression of joy, relief, and pride, she almost wished she could spend just a little longer losing herself in it, but then he leaned a little closer and said: “Captain, would you like to announce the news to the rest of the crew?”

Grinning, she let go of his hand and tapped her combadge. “Voyager crew, my friends… This is your Captain speaking,” she started moving around the bridge as she spoke, and walked to Tom, and shook his hand as she resumed her speech. “I wish you could all share with me the view I currently have, let me describe it to you: a dozen-”

“Eighteen,” Tuvok corrected, and Kathryn chuckled. 

“Eighteen Federation vessels,” she continued as she made her way up the step to shake hands with Mr. Kim, who shook hers with emotion, “our welcoming party back to the Alpha Quadrant.” She moved on to Seven, and looked into her eyes as she took her hand and squeezed. “The Borg hub has been destroyed,” she resumed her round and walked to Tuvok. She took his hand and he gave her a solemn nod as she squeezed it. “And so has the Sphere that followed us through.” She paused, savoring the words. “Mission accomplished. We’re home.”

“Captain, we’re being hailed,” Harry announced, his voice shaky.

Kathryn cleared her throat. “On screen.”

Admiral Paris and Reginald Barclay appeared on the screen, looking as shocked as she still felt. 

“Sorry to surprise you,” Kathryn grinned. “Next time we’ll call ahead.” 

“Welcome back,” Admiral Paris said, still looking surprised. 

Kathryn nodded, finding it hard to keep her emotions in check. “It’s good to be here.”

He frowned in wonder. “How did you…?”

“It’ll all be in my report, sir.”

“Of course. I look forward to it.”

The connection ended and Kathryn released a calming breath. Her legs felt shaky after the adrenaline rush, and she closed her eyes briefly as she recalled Annika’s sacrifice. They could not have done it without her. 

“Sickbay to the bridge.” The Doctor’s voice was followed by strange gurgling sounds, and Kathryn smiled again as she realized where they came from. 

“Doctor to Lieutenant Paris, there’s someone here who’d like to say hello.”

Kathryn turned to Tom, grinning, and found him looking up at her with a bemused and eager expression. “You better get down there, Tom.”

She didn’t have to tell him twice as he sprang to his feet. “Yes ma’am.”

Letting out a satisfied sigh, Kathryn turned back to her first officer. “Mr. Chakotay, the helm.”

He grinned, eyes twinkling. “Aye Captain.”

Kathryn slowly sat in her chair. “Set a course, for home. Warp 5.”

oooOooo

Chapter Text

PART II

Chapter 6

As soon as he was able to free himself from his bridge duties, Chakotay hurried to sickbay, exchanging grins with crewmembers as he made his way. Morale had never been so high on board, and it struck him as a stark contrast from Captain Chakotay’s log, in which his alter ego had had to deal with a demoralized crew in addition to his own grief. He was immensely grateful to him, and to Annika, for their sacrifice – more so than he could ever express. He would do everything in his power to never forget them, and to honor their losses, and their lives.

He slowed his pace as he stepped through the doorway and found the glowing parents, the Doctor, and Captain Janeway all bent over a little squirming bundle wrapped up in a soft blanket in B’Elanna’s arms. 

A grin appeared of its own volition on his lips as he quietly stepped closer. B’Elanna beamed up at him from where she was sitting, and he shook Tom’s hand when he stepped next to him. He felt Kathryn touch his shoulder and he smiled down at her before peering down at the newborn.

“Congratulations to you both,” Chakotay said quietly as he reached his hand to touch the soft duvet of Miral’s hair, then leaned closer. “Welcome to the family, Miral,” he said softly, and he was surprised at how much these few words choked him with emotion. He understood Captain Chakotay’s feelings now more than ever – he was overcome with love for this tiny being as if she were his flesh and blood, and he vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to protect her. He swallowed the unexpected lump in his throat as he straightened. How was it even possible to feel this way?

B’Elanna was the only one to witness his reaction, and she gave him a shaky smile before turning to Kathryn.

“Captain, would you like to hold her?” B’Elanna offered.

Kathryn startled at the suggestion, and Chakotay allowed himself the luxury of resting a hand on her back in encouragement. She gave him and B’Elanna an eager smile as she reached out. “Oh, can I?”

B’Elanna and Tom exchanged a proud look as Kathryn cooed over their daughter. The officers had seen many sides of her over the years, but hearing her baby talk probably topped the cake. Chakotay grinned as he leaned over her shoulder to gaze at Miral, feeling a little entranced himself. 

The sound of footsteps distracted Chakotay from the baby as he looked up to find Seven slowing down her stride as she took in the crowd. 

Chakotay suddenly realized that his hand was still on the captain’s back, so he slowly lowered it back to his side. It had been a purely innocent touch, but Chakotay could only imagine what it might have looked like to Seven.

“Oh forgive me, I came to congratulate the new parents. I can return at a later time.”

“Seven, come on in,” Tom called amicably. “Come and meet our daughter, Miral.”

Seven approached slowly, almost cautiously, and didn’t meet Chakotay’s eyes when she reached the captain’s side. Clasping her hands behind her back, she peered into the sleeping face. 

“She is truly exquisite. Congratulations,” she said to the parents. 

“Would you like to hold her?” Kathryn offered, but Seven straightened, shaking her head.

“Perhaps some other time. For now I am needed in Engineering.” She gave an acknowledging nod to everyone, then turned on her heels. 

Chakotay closed his eyes at the look Tom and B’Elanna exchanged. He hadn’t had a chance to talk to her since they had made it back, but now he realized that he couldn’t postpone the discussion any longer. His alter ego's log had made him face up to a lot of things, and now was the time to rectify it all.

“Excuse me.”

He felt Kathryn follow his retreat with her eyes, and just as he turned around the corner, he heard Tom’s curious: “What was that about? Ow- why did you hit me?”

“None of our business,” B’Elanna chided sternly.

Chakotay found Seven not in Engineering, but in Cargo Bay 2.

“Seven,” he called, but she kept her eyes glued to her console.

“She tried to warn me,” she replied eventually.

“What are you talking about?” He asked as he approached her slowly.

“Annika, from the future timeline.” She looked up at him at last, and it was obvious she was upset. Frustrated. “She told me things… that suggested that you and I would not pursue a relationship in the future. I wish I had given her comments more heed, then.” She lifted her gaze to his. "That's why you're here, isn't it?"

Chakotay was stunned. He wasn’t sure what to say, because he couldn’t deny that he had come here to put an end to their relationship. And yet his heart broke a little at the thought of hurting her. Because that had never been his intention. He heaved a sigh. “I’m sorry.”

She returned her eyes to the console. “So am I. But I see it now.”

He frowned. “What?”

“Do you recall, when we reached the Alpha Quadrant, you immediately went to stand by the captain.” Chakotay’s frown deepened, it had been instinctual for him to do so, he hadn’t given his action any thought at all. But he supposed that was exactly her point. “I realized in that moment that that was where you belonged, and where you wanted to be. And when I saw you standing together just now…” She shook her head. “It confirmed my suspicions. And even though this realization causes me pain, I understand- no, I accept its logic.”

Chakotay longed to comfort her, but he didn’t know how, so he settled for the truth. “Even though it was done unintentionally, I heartily regret hurting you but… I don’t regret getting to know you, Annika Hansen. You are truly remarkable.” When she said nothing, he nodded and slowly retreated. 

“Chakotay,” she called when he was almost past the doorway.

“Yeah?”

“You will always hold a special place in my heart,” she admitted, her eyes still on the console.

Chakotay inhaled slowly and gave a small smile. “As will you, Annika.”

oooOooo

“Captain Janeway, thank you for joining us,” Admiral Hayes told her through the video transmission. “Let me say, on behalf of the Federation and Starfleet Command, welcome home.”

“Thank you Admiral,” she replied with a polite smile before she took a sip from her coffee and leaned her elbow on her desk. “How can I help you gentlemen?”

Admirals Hayes and Paris as well as several other high-ranking officers had asked her to join them for a joint briefing. She had to admit, she was curious about their motive, and about why this couldn’t wait for a couple of more days when they would be able to do it face to face. She couldn’t help a twinge of dread from knotting her stomach. Urgency generally equaled bad news.

“I understand you will be reaching Earth soon, Captain,” Admiral Paris started. 

“Yes, at our current speed we should be there tomorrow. I’m sure you’re looking forward to meeting your granddaughter, Admiral. She is a true marvel.”

“Indeed, indeed I am. However this is not the reason for my asking. We would like to request your presence at a hearing with the oversight committee, regarding your and your crewmembers’ actions over the course of your journey.”

Kathryn frowned as her dread intensified. “Of course, Admiral – we have nothing to hide. I, and everyone on my crew, will stand by our actions, and our logs.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” Admiral Hayes chimed in, using a tone that wanted to be reassuring. “This is nothing personal, Kathryn, but there are some among the admiralty who are particularly curious about your Maquis crew. And that reformed Borg young woman you took under your wing.”

Kathryn stiffened. “Of course I would be happy to provide any reassurances to the admiralty that Seven of Nine, and the former members of the Maquis aboard Voyager have long become an integral part of my crew. My Starfleet crew. If there was any pardon to be had – I, as Captain, gave it to them. Long ago. Wholeheartedly.”

“Of course we understand your position, Captain,” Admiral Paris went on. “But there are some concerns that upon returning to Earth the Maquis will want to resume their illegitimate activities on the border. And that would be unacceptable.”

Kathryn tried to stay calm, but she could feel her blood rising with every slight the admirals made on her crew. “Your concerns are uncalled for, I assure you. They are fully aware that their movement was decimated years ago. And they’ve had their fair share of warfare and loss on our journey. No,” Kathryn shook her head, “they are no threat to the Federation’s interests!” She leaned closer to the screen. “I am surprised at you, Admiral Paris, that you should have such suspicions when your own daughter-in-law is a former Maquis. With all due respect, I wonder what Tom would say if he found out you suspected his wife of treason.”

“You’re awfully close to insubordination, Captain!” Admiral Paris barked. “I would thank you not to bring my son into this conversation. My relationship with him is of no concern of yours!”

“On the contrary – with all due respect, Admiral, the men and women under my command have long become my family. And I will not tolerate it when their sacrifices, loyalty, and achievements, are being delegitimized in such a fashion! They deserve your admiration, not your suspicions! The same goes for Seven of Nine.”

“Alright, alright,” Admiral Hayes intervened. “Let’s not lose our heads, here. Captain, I’m afraid our request for a meeting isn’t an invitation. You and Commander Chakotay will attend the hearing, whether you want to or not. However,” he conceded in a softer tone, “I’m sure it is only a formality. I have read through most of your log, and I applaud Commander Chakotay and the other Maquis on their exploits and for their loyalty to you.” He paused to glance at Admiral Paris, looking slightly discouraged to see the latter was still fuming. He shook his head before returning his gaze to the camera. “We will see you at HQ the day after tomorrow, ten-hundred hours.”

He cut the connection and Kathryn slapped her desk angrily as she straightened. She started pacing around her ready room. It had been such a long time since she had stopped seeing the Maquis members as anything other than her crew, and in some cases, her closest friends, that to be called to an official hearing felt like a betrayal. The Federation, her own, dear Starfleet – whose values had so long been the rock she stood on – was betraying her, by not trusting her judgment. 

Hopefully this really was just a formality, but she found that hard to believe. 

The sound of the door chime distracted her and she stopped pacing. “Come in.”

She was relieved to see Tuvok enter her office, and not Chakotay, because right now she was too furious to apprise her First Officer of the situation in a manner befitting a captain. “Mr. Tuvok,” she greeted, grateful for the distraction. “What can I do for you?”

“Captain, here is my report on the damage we sustained while escaping the Borg. I believe you will find Voyager’s resilience satisfactory.”

Kathryn smiled slightly as he handed her the PADD.

“I already do.” She sat on the edge of her desk and took another sip of coffee. “Have you had a chance to talk to your family yet?”

“I have. I have also arranged for a leave of absence next month. I will meet with them at that time.”

“Will they be able to help you?” 

“I believe so. My father has agreed to the mind meld. In any case, it will be… good… to see my wife and children again.”

Kathryn nodded as this news pushed aside her anger and instantly gave rise to more positive emotions in her heart. She couldn’t quite help the large smile from forming on her face – if Tuvok was unable to show his relief, she had enough of it for two. “I’m glad.”

“What about you, Captain? Have you given some thought as to what you will do next?”

Kathryn swallowed another sip of coffee and shook her head. “Oh no. I haven’t had time to think about that yet – I haven’t even started packing. I have to admit, though, a leave of absence sounds pretty good right about now. I think this crew deserves a nice, long vacation.”

“Agreed.” He paused and seemed to hesitate before he went on. “I may not have another opportunity to say it, Captain, so allow me to do so now: it has been a privilege to serve under you.”

Touched beyond words, Kathryn slowly walked to him and squeezed his upper arms. “No Tuvok, the privilege has been all mine.”

He gave a solemn nod and Kathryn let go of his arms, her heart full. 

oooOooo

That night it wasn’t long before an impromptu gathering of people in the mess hall turned into a full-blown celebration. By the time Chakotay returned from his errand, the room was packed and he stopped at the entrance for a moment, relishing the sound of laughter and overall merriment in the room. The air was filled with aromas from delicious spices coming from the kitchen, and Chakotay felt his stomach growl in response.

He quickly spotted the senior officers: B’Elanna, Tom and Miral in one corner talking with the Doctor and Seven – who gave him a brief, serene, nod when she saw him; Tuvok playing Kal-toh with Harry as others looked on in suspense; and finally the captain standing behind the counter with Neelix’s ‘replacement’ and former Maquis, Mr. Chell. They were engaged in an intense discussion, and Chakotay approached curiously, but cautiously, not sure whether his interruption would be welcomed.

“Now,” Mr. Chell was instructing the captain, “if you flick your wrist, like this, you can sauté the vegetables in a much more efficient manner.”

Chakotay tried in vain to bite back a grin when Kathryn tried to do just that, and half the vegetables in her pan slid out of it and landed on the floor. “Alright,” she decided as she set the pan down on the burner, “that’s it. I still don’t see why a good old-fashioned wooden spoon can’t do the trick.”

“It can, Captain, but-”

“Chakotay, save me from myself here,” Kathryn joked with a crooked grin when she spotted him, “and give me some of that champagne.”

Chakotay grinned as he handed her the bottles over the counter. It wasn’t strictly champagne, but it came pretty close. “I take it you’ll be sticking to the replicator, then?” he teased. “I’m impressed Chell, you’re a courageous man,” he told the new cook, who looked embarrassed to be at the root of Chakotay’s teasing of the captain, and mumbled something about it being an honor to help the captain.

Kathryn slapped Chakotay’s arm as she threw him a sidelong glance – it made him chuckle. “Don’t tease him,” she admonished before turning her attention back to their new cook. “Thank you for your patience, Mr. Chell. I’m afraid I’m a lost cause,” she told him generously as she opened one of the bottles. Chell nodded and escaped to the back. “I see your secret stash remains undiscovered, Chakotay.”

“Luckily for us,” Chakotay replied as he sampled some of the nut varieties displayed on the counter for the occasion. “I’ve been saving those for a special occasion. I think tonight qualifies.”

She smiled as she lined up glasses and started pouring. “Agreed.”

As he watched her diligently filling up champagne glasses for everyone, Chakotay leaned on his elbows on the counter and took the rare opportunity to watch her and take in her familiar features; the expressive curve of her eyebrows, the lips that tonight couldn’t stop smiling, the soft shiny hair that he had gotten to touch, once, a long time ago. How he’d missed her, recently! One more thing his alter ego's log had made him face up to… He knew now that he'd never really stopped loving her - how could he - but he also knew that they had drifted apart. So in that moment, as he took his fill of her beloved features, Chakotay vowed to himself that he would do everything in his power to recover their connection, to rekindle the spark. It was still there, he knew it, it just needed some attention and care. She just needed to be reminded of what it used to be, and more importantly, everything he knew it could be. And that was exactly what he would do – as patiently as the endeavor required – and when she was ready, then he might find the courage to talk to her about the future. His hopes. His feelings. Now that they were back in the Alpha Quadrant, that future looked much more promising than the one Annika had shown him.

Soon enough, people started to take glasses and it didn’t take long before everyone had theirs. The captain even made sure that Naomi and the other kids had a glass of juice for the occasion. Then Chakotay called for attention. “Captain Janeway would like to say a few words,” he introduced as the room shushed, and he turned to her.

“Thank you all. We have much to celebrate tonight: our return home, of course; our newest crewmember,” she added as she pointed to the Parises, “our small victory over the Borg. And it seems fitting that we all somehow converged here tonight, with the only intent of sharing this last night on Voyager together. I want to thank you all, for your hard work over the years, and your support.” She looked directly at Chakotay then, and he bit his lip, embarrassed at the attention. She went on. “I know it’s not been easy – we lost some dear friends along the way, made some new ones too. But it is because of you that we made it this far. And I know, that each and every one of you will go on to do wonderful things with your lives – I only hope that we will get to do some of those things together again, for I will miss you all.”

“Hear hear,” Chakotay cheered and the crowd followed. “And I would like to propose a toast for the captain, our own Captain Kathryn Janeway,” Chakotay said as he half turned toward her, “for accomplishing what she vowed she would do seven years ago, and that is, of course, to bring us home. Captain, you have been our guiding light, our steadfast and wise leader, but most importantly, the glue that held us all together. To the captain!”

“To the captain!”

After the toasts, people quietly returned to their conversations.

“Shall we sit?” Chakotay suggested and she nodded, gesturing for him to lead the way. He led her to one of the tables in the corner, where they could take in the entire room. It was such a happy sight, that Chakotay wanted to burn the image into his brain forever. 

They took a few sips of their glasses in silence, until it became thick with tension. Chakotay was all too aware that he needed to tell her about Seven, but now was not the time. Besides, he had promised her drinks on the Pier, and he intended to keep that promise. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do now?” Chakotay asked at last, with no other intention than relieving some of the tension. 

She gave a lopsided smile. “Tuvok asked me the same thing earlier, and…” she shook her head slowly. “I still don’t have an answer. I suppose I’ll have to see what Starfleet has in store for me.” She leaned her elbows on the table as she went on. “For seven years I knew exactly what was expected of me, I had goals, specific objectives that I could rely on to guide me, but now… I can’t imagine not doing what we’ve been doing the last seven years. I think I’m still getting used to the idea that our journey is really over.”

“You’d like to keep exploring, then?”

“Maybe. A part of me is exhausted and longs for some stability, but another part dreads the boredom that would come with that kind of life. Does that make sense?” she asked with a frown as she gazed intently at him. They hadn’t had a conversation that felt this intimate for a long time now, and Chakotay leaned in just a little closer, caught up in the pleasure of her full attention. 

“Yes, it makes sense. You’ll just have to find something that keeps you on your toes. A scientific mission, maybe?”

“Oh I don’t know, Chakotay. Right now all I can think about is a vacation.”

Chakotay chuckled in surprise and she soon joined him. “What about you?” She asked before she took another sip of her champagne, and Mr. Chell brought them a platter with a variety of food that made Chakotay’s mouth water. They thanked him with a nod.

“A vacation sounds good to me too,” Chakotay teased as he tried some of the green vegetables – it was delicious. She gave him a look and he shrugged. “I don’t know. Well- one thing I do know: I don’t think I’m cut out to be a Starfleet officer anymore.”

She leaned back in surprise to better stare at him. “I think the last seven years would belie that statement, Chakotay.”

He chuckled quietly. “Thank you, but I’ve developed a flaw – fatal, for an officer: I don’t think I could serve under another captain. My allegiance has always been to you, and to this crew. Not to Starfleet.” Her expression softened into… something that he couldn’t quite identify as she studied him. Starting to feel a little exposed under her intense gaze, he shrugged. “And besides, I doubt the admiralty will look at me with as much generosity as you have. I expect my Maquis ties won’t be looked upon kindly. Something my… alter ego from the future said in his log seems to suggest that the past has not been forgotten in certain circles.”

She tensed and her expression sobered. “I’m afraid you may be right about that.”

Chakotay looked up at her in surprise as she explained. “I had a meeting with Starfleet Command today – they requested that you and I attend an oversight committee hearing the day after tomorrow. They mentioned some of their concerns about the Maquis, and the fear that they would resume their activities once they return home.”

Chakotay frowned. “That’s ridiculous. But I can't say I'm surprised.” He sighed. “Alright, well, I don’t really care what happens to me, but I’ll have to make sure that the others are not punished for their past.”

“We both will. And for the record, I care what happens to you, so don’t go throwing your life away, Commander.”

Chakotay gave a small smile, but before he could reply the Doctor seemed to just appear at his side (for all he knew, he really had), his old-fashioned camera in his hand. 

“I think this is an occasion for posterity, wouldn’t you agree, Captain?”

“I would, Doctor,” she agreed with an amused glance at Chakotay.

“May I take a photograph of the both of you, then?”

They mumbled their agreement uncomfortably and the Doctor moved around the table to stand in front of them. Chakotay hesitated, but then slowly leaned an inch closer to her and rested his arm on the back of her chair. She threw him a strange, almost alarmed look, before she returned her attention to the Doctor. Heart beating wildly in his chest at her proximity, Chakotay took a second to focus.

Before he knew it there was a click, and Chakotay startled. The camera had caught him staring at the captain and not at the camera, he was sure of it. He cleared his throat. “Doctor, why don’t you take another one, I think my eyes were closed.”

The Doctor nodded in understanding, and Chakotay made sure he was looking at the camera when he snapped the picture this time. He’d have to make sure no one saw the first one.

“Wonderful, thank you both!” the Doctor said before walking away, in search of his next victims.

Chakotay straightened back into his seat, and he was slightly relieved to see Tom and B’Elanna make their way toward them – not before the Doctor snapped a shot of them as well. Chakotay  stood and gallantly pulled a chair for B’Elanna and she took it – though not without sending him a mock death glare at his chivalry – just for old times’ sakes. He grinned in response. 

“So how’s our youngest recruit doing?” Chakotay asked as he peered over Tom’s shoulder to look at Miral in his arms. 

“She is doing just fine,” he reassured as he extended his arms toward Chakotay, offering him his precious cargo.

Moved in spite of himself, Chakotay accepted the small bundle and held Miral gently against his chest. She was awake, and looking around the room and the lights on the ceiling with wide eyes. Chakotay reached up a finger and she grabbed it instinctively. 

“How did your parents take the news of the little one’s arrival?” Kathryn asked from beside him as her fingers toyed with Miral’s tiny foot. 

Tom and B’Elanna exchanged a look. “I spoke to my father yesterday, and he seemed happy enough. I’m afraid it’s going to take more than a grandchild for him to accept me for who I am, but… Small steps,” Tom said.

“What about you B’Elanna, have you spoken to your father since we got back?” 

“Not yet. We set up a transmission for tomorrow.”

“We’re hoping he’ll be able to come and visit us on Earth while we figure out what we’re going to do next,” Tom added. 

Harry joined them then and stood next to Chakotay to better gaze at Miral. Apparently Chakotay wasn’t the only one enamored with her.

“And what about you, Harry? Have you spoken to your family?” The captain asked kindly as she leaned forward to rest her chin in her palm, her interest in his response unfeigned.

“Yes ma’am. I’m really excited to see them.”

“But?” Chakotay asked when Harry seemed to leave it hanging. 

“But… I guess part of me is afraid that things will have changed while I was gone, you know?”

“That’s a legitimate fear, Mr. Kim,” Kathryn replied, “but your parents are still your parents – and they’ll love you just as much as before. No amount of time, or distance, can change that.”

“I can attest to that,” Tom agreed as his fingers ruffled Miral’s hair affectionately.

“What about you, Captain? Anybody you look forward to reuniting with?” Harry asked and Chakotay felt Kathryn stiffen slightly next to him. His thoughts went to her former fiancée, and he was pretty sure hers had as well. 

“My mother and my sister’s family are the only family I have left – aside from you all, of course,” she added with a smile to lighten her response. “And Mollie, my dog.” She leaned her chin on her hand again, a comically dejected frown on her face. “Oh I have really missed Mollie.” The officers laughed and she smiled as she straightened.

“And what about you, Chakotay?” Tom asked.

Chakotay shook his head. “My sister lives near the Cardassian border, so it might be a while before I get to see her. But until then we’ll still be able to communicate, I’m sure.”

They all fell silent, and Chakotay shook himself from his thoughts of his sister as he moved to return Miral to her father’s arms. “Well, I think I’ll go and relieve the poor devils stuck on bridge duty while we’re all out here, celebrating. With your permission, captain, I’ll send them your way,” he added and she nodded.

“Of course.”

He stood with a smile. “Good night everyone, Captain.”

“You’re a generous soul, Chakotay,” B’Elanna said as he started walking away, and he grinned.

“Keep some of that food for me!”

~0~

Chakotay had just settled at the helm when Harry and Tom stepped out of the turbolift.

“Permission to join you, sir?” Harry asked formally, his hands clasped behind his back.

Chakotay stared at them in surprise. “Don’t you two want to celebrate with the others? You certainly deserve it!”

“Actually, sir, I’ve decided this is where I want to be for my last night on board,” Harry replied stubbornly.

“B’Elanna’s getting sick of me fussing over her. She ordered me here,” Tom added with an innocent look that seemed to challenge Chakotay to call on his bluff. 

Chakotay grinned instead, and he stood from the helm station. “Well then, gentlemen, I’m honored to have you here.” 

They grinned and both moved to take their posts. 

“Compliments of the captain,” Tom said as he handed Chakotay a container of aromatic food. 

Chakotay gave a chuckle. “Spirits bless Kathryn Janeway.”

oooOooo

Chapter Text

They reached Earth’s orbit the next afternoon. 

Kathryn had to stand from her chair when they were finally close enough for her to make out familiar landmasses and oceans, and Earth’s impressive orbital docking station. Her heart was almost too full to contain her anticipation and joy. And her nervousness.

“Voyager, you are cleared to dock,” a disembodied voice stated over the comm system.

“Mr. Paris, you heard them,” Kathryn instructed.

“Yes ma’am!”

Despite her calm tone, Kathryn couldn’t control the butterflies in her stomach as they made their final approach – in fact she couldn’t quite explain their presence altogether. Maybe it was the conversation with the admirals that still unsettled her, or maybe deep down she shared Mr. Kim’s concerns that the journey would have changed her so much that she wouldn’t appreciate what she had been longing for all along; that Earth would not turn out to be what absence had made it out to be in her mind.

She took a page out of Seven’s book, and sternly reminded herself that, whatever waited for her on Earth, she would adapt. 

Over the last few hours, she had discreetly observed Seven and her interactions with Chakotay, but the two of them had been nothing but professional toward each other. There was no sign of the intimacy she had witnessed between them a few days ago, and it intrigued her. Added to that the fact that Chakotay’s behavior toward herself the night before had certainly felt like the old days, and she hadn’t detected a hint of particular affection between him and Seven over the course of the evening. Were they just being discreet? Or had she imagined the whole thing in the first place? She didn't know what to make of it all. In all honesty, she was still trying to figure out her own feelings, and understand why the thought of Chakotay and Seven upset her to such an extent. After all, she had long drawn a line between Chakotay and herself, and had never truly expected that there would come a time when she would be free to cross it. But now that they were safely back in the Alpha Quadrant… Was she too late? She realized with a start that she was  mourning; she was grieving for the possibilities that were suddenly and truly snatched out from her and dangling out of her reach. She figured it was true what they said: you didn’t know what you had until it was gone.

Tom’s delicate docking maneuvers brought her back to the moment and she frustratingly pushed her emotions aside for now. She couldn’t let herself be distracted at such a meaningful moment.

She had been told to dress formally for the occasion of Voyager’s docking, and she looked on in pride at how distinguished and noble the dress uniforms made her senior officers look. However, even though she had always enjoyed the pomp of Starfleet protocols, today she would have gladly dispensed with them, and focused on the simple logistics of bringing her crew home. 

It took several minutes for Tom to complete the procedures, but at last, they heard the clamps as they made contact with Voyager’s exterior. 

Tom let out a relieved sigh, and Kathryn gave him a smile. 

“Docking procedure complete,” Seven stated from behind her. “We are now locked with the docking station.”

“Well done, Mr. Paris.”

He nodded, and Kathryn straightened her shoulders. “Attention all personnel,” she spoke through the comm system, “prepare for disembarking. Remember that your personal effects will be retrieved once we’re on board the station, so you need only take what you need with you. Janeway out.” 

She exchanged a look with her officers, then nodded to herself before climbing up the steps. They lined up behind her, and she led the way, Chakotay close behind her. Kathryn felt a strange mix of excitement and sadness as she made her way through Voyager’s corridors, the crowd getting increasingly larger behind her as her crewmembers joined the procession. The Doctor met up with them and fell in step with Seven and Mr. Kim after acknowledging the captain with a nod.  It was a quiet affair, though the air buzzed with excited, restrained, energy. 

Kathryn took in a calming breath when they reached the bulkhead separating them from the docking station. The door opened, and Kathryn stepped out. She faltered in surprise as loud clapping and cheering greeted them on the other side – dozens of Starfleet personnel lined the corridors that led to the center of the station. Exchanging a stunned look with Chakotay, she resumed walking and led her crew further into the station through the cheering but respectful crowd, overwhelmed by this honor. Finally she saw Admirals Paris and Hayes, and a man she recognized as Reginald Barclay, standing at the end of the line. She led her officers up to them.

“Captain Janeway, officers, we are honored to be the first to say: welcome home,” Admiral Hayes stated. “I know you’re probably all eager to return to Earth and see your loved ones, but as per protocol, you will all need to submit to a medical exam before you are allowed to do so.”

There was a snorting sound from behind her at the bit about the medical exam, and Kathryn didn’t need to turn around to know whom it was from. 

The admiral went on, unfazed by the Doctor’s indecorous objection. “For now we’ve arranged some temporary quarters aboard the station while we unload your personal effects and get debriefed.”

“Thank you, Admiral Hayes,” Kathryn acknowledged with a nod. 

“While we get you all organized, please join us for a celebration in our mess hall. Ensign,” Hayes looked at a young Starfleet officer, who nodded. 

“If you’ll all follow me, please,” the young woman instructed loudly as she turned on her heels.

“Captain, please join us for a moment?” Admiral Hayes stopped Kathryn before she walked ahead with the rest of her crew. 

At Chakotay’s concerned look, Kathryn gave him a reassuring nod, and he dutifully followed the ensign while Kathryn turned to follow her superiors. She quickly noticed the look that passed between Tom and his father as Tom walked next to B’Elanna and Miral, but Kathryn couldn’t really tell if what had passed between them was positive or not. Small steps, Tom had said.

“Captain, I beg your pardon, but it is truly an honor to meet you in person,” Lieutenant Barclay suddenly appeared at her side, grinning excitedly, and she smiled. 

“Lieutenant Barclay! The honor is all mine. Your work on Pathfinder has been truly remarkable!” she replied as he shook her hand vehemently as they walked. Their movement forward made it an awkward kind of handshake, but Kathryn hid her amusement – he looked so excited to be in her company. He finally let go of her hand when they reached the officers’ ready room. 

“Can I get you anything, Kathryn? A drink, perhaps?” Admiral Hayes asked as he made his way to a small table with refreshments. None of it replicated, of course.

“Coffee, please. Black,” she replied as she accepted Admiral Paris’ invitation for her to sit down. 

They were all civil to her, and Kathryn would have expected no less from Starfleet admirals, but she couldn’t quite shake the suspicion that this wasn’t just a social call. 

Admiral Hayes handed her the cup of coffee, and Kathryn discreetly inhaled its tangy aroma before taking a sip.

“So,” Admiral Hayes started as he took a seat across from her. “How does it feel to be back?”

Kathryn swallowed her mild irritation at the small talk and decided to play along for a moment – which she knew she could do very well. She smiled. “Wonderful! It’s been an extraordinary journey, but it’s good to be amongst friends again.”

The admiral nodded as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his thighs. “I’m eager to learn more of your adventures, I’ve already read some of your reports, and your dealing with the Kazon, and… what was the name of those people who harvested organs to fight their disease?”

“The Vidiians.” 

“The Vidiians, right…”

Kathryn set her cup down on the coffee table. “Forgive me, gentlemen, I would be happy to discuss our journey at length once my crew and myself are settled, but at the moment I would like to make sure that my crew, my entire crew, is treated with the respect they all deserve.”

Admiral Paris stiffened at her subtle reference to their last conversation, but Admiral Hayes smiled kindly, genuinely. “You can relax, Kathryn. We wouldn't take action against your crew without discussing it with you first. But since you seem eager to get down to business… We did ask you here for a reason.”

“I’m listening.”

“A promotion.”

Kathryn blinked in surprise as she took this in. “Whose? If it were up to me, I’d promote my entire crew! They’re all extremely deserving. Ensign Kim, in particular.”

“Captain,” Hayes interrupted her with an amused smile, “there will be time for other promotions, but for now, we mean yours.”

Kathryn’s gaze went from pleasantly surprised to absolute incredulity as she stared from one admiral to the other. “Mine,” she repeated dubiously, her mind working overtime trying to figure out the politics behind this offer. It had to be about politics. Not that she wasn't proud of her achievements, but… to offer her a promotion now?

Admiral Hayes smiled at her reaction, and even Admiral Paris’ expression softened at her utter surprise. “Yes.”

Kathryn frowned in confusion. “But… why?” That seemed to further amuse her superiors, but Kathryn’s mind was still reeling from surprise, so she hardly noticed. “I mean don’t get me wrong, I like the sound of ‘admiral’ as much as the next captain, but…” she faltered as words failed her. She hadn’t exactly behaved with them like a model Starfleet captain recently… And some of the decisions she had made while in the Delta Quadrant may be seen as… ethically questionable.

Hayes exchanged an amused look with Paris. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone make their own case against their promotion to Admiral before,” he joked before he returned his attention back to Kathryn. “It’s a well-guarded secret that Starfleet likes when their captains are able to think outside the box, and to come up with imaginative ways of accomplishing their missions while upholding Starfleet values and directives. You are exemplary in that regard, Kathryn, and Starfleet would like to honor your achievements as a pioneer and representative in a part of the galaxy none of us has ever dreamed we would explore in our lifetime. What’s more, the knowledge you’ve gained, the tactical experiences you’ve developed in dealing with foes we have never encountered, and some we already know of like the Borg, are all invaluable. And lastly, your courage, and perseverance in bringing your crew home is truly inspiring. In light of all this, your…shall we say, insubordinations, are trivial, and can easily be overlooked. Wouldn’t you agree, Paris?”

Admiral Paris gave a sincere, albeit grave, nod. 

Kathryn sat speechless for a moment – if she hadn’t known any better, she’d think she had stepped into some kind of alternate reality. Grabbing hold of her coffee mug, the heat that diffused through the ceramic warmed her fingers and reminded her that this was real. She cleared her throat. “I thank you, for your kind words. For once, I’m speechless! I- I need some time to consider.”

“Of course,” Hayes acknowledged. 

“Out of curiosity, what would happen to Voyager if I accepted the promotion?”

“Well, we’ll have to undertake a complete diagnostic before we make any decisions, but she seems to have some fire in her still. I’m sure we could find her a mission worthy of your journey, and of her technological assets.”

“Especially with the improvements Tom said you made on her prior to your return,” Admiral Paris added, “there are many ways we could use a ship like that.”

“But of course she’d need a new captain.”

Kathryn nodded, her mind too full to say anything more.

“Well, we’ll be looking forward to your answer, Captain Janeway,” Hayes stood and extended his hand. 

Kathryn imitated him and shook his hand. “Thank you.”

“Lieutenant Barclay here will show you the way to the mess hall, if you’d like to join your crew.”

“I would, thank you.”

“Very well. We’ll join you shortly.”

Kathryn set her coffee cup on the table again, and was about to leave when she stopped. “Does this mean that Commander Chakotay and the other former Maquis are out of the woods?”

Hayes and Paris shared a look. “I’m afraid this promotion has nothing to do with that. We’ll still be expecting you tomorrow to discuss the issue with the panel.”

“I see. Well, until tomorrow, then.” Kathryn nodded, and with a last look between the two of them, turned on her heels.

oooOooo

The station mess hall was filled with a mix of the newly arrived Voyager crew and the docking station staff and officers. The air smelled like food and though Chakotay felt hunger gnaw at his stomach, he found himself drawn to the large window instead, which offered a magnificent view of Earth and its faithful companion, the moon. For a moment it struck him how much he was like the moon, endlessly circling his larger than life companion, destined to never get close enough to touch by forces that were beyond his control. 

“Forgive me, Commander Chakotay?” 

Chakotay nodded to a younger woman; a Starfleet engineer, by the looks of her uniform. “What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

“I’m sorry to disturb you at such a moment, sir, but I’m to head a team to run program diagnostics on Voyager, and I was asked to coordinate with you, or one of your crew. Your knowledge of the ship would make the process much more efficient. I will also be in charge of the unloading operation, including the crew’s personal effects, and I could use a hand implementing the procedures from those who know the ship best.”

With what Kathryn had told him of Starfleet’s suspicions about his Maquis past, Chakotay was relieved by the simple request, and actually glad to have something do rather than stand awkwardly in the mess hall and fretting about the captain. So Chakotay eagerly nodded. “Of course. I’ll help you with anything you need, and I know just the man you’re looking for to help with the diagnostics.” He turned around to touch Tuvok on the shoulder. “This is Mr. Tuvok, our chief of security.”

“Lieutenant Mora,” the young Engineer introduced herself with a nod. 

Chakotay then rounded up the heads of the departments, as well as Seven, and assigned them to various tasks to assist Mora. They all eagerly agreed to get to work, and looked as relieved to be doing something as Chakotay was, and Mora seemed all the more relieved to be able to delegate.

Chakotay completely lost track of time as he spent the next few hours concentrating on his task of inventorying and identifying what was meant to be returned to Earth, checking on rations and even making a list of what would need to be replenished before Voyager was commissioned again. After that was done, he spent some more time lending a hand to Mora’s people with collecting the crew’s personal effects from the cargo bays. He even completed a deck-by-deck room check, to make sure that everything was in order, and nothing was left behind.

At last he walked into the captain’s ready room – the last room to check – eyes on his inventory PADD.

“How nice of you to come and help me pack.”

Chakotay startled to a halt and looked up. “Captain! I didn’t realize you would be here, otherwise I would have never just barged in like that.”

She grinned from where she stood by her desk and Chakotay relaxed. “Oh never mind that. I’ll forgive it – if you really do help me pack. I didn’t get a chance to do it until now.”

Chakotay grinned. “Gladly,” he replied as he set aside his PADD and approached her desk, his eyes sweeping around the room as he did so. All through his inventories, he’d done his utmost to control the nostalgia and twinge of sadness that were there, just beneath the surface, as his brain slowly accepted the fact that their journey was over, but they seemed particularly powerful within this room. It was filled with memories and feelings that he wished he could box as easily as the tangible things. Finally his gaze returned to the captain and he took the empty bin she was offering. From the sad twist of her smile, Chakotay realized she knew exactly how he felt. 

“I have to say, I quite enjoyed the looks on the admirals’ faces when they realized all of the senior officers were missing from the reception,” she commented, amused. “I think they feared it was some show of civil disobedience! That is, until a station officer told them she had asked for your help with processing Voyager.”  

Chakotay winced slightly, even though her tone and expression were still amused. “Sorry about that. I hope we didn’t put you in trouble with the admirals.”

She shooed his concerns away with a flick of her hand and a roll of her eyes.

“Speaking of which, how did your meeting go?” He asked as he started packing the contents of a shelf. 

Kathryn leaned back against her desk as one of her hand pushed her hair away from her face. “Unexpectedly.” Chakotay frowned curiously at her perplexed expression.

“How so?” 

She inhaled as she placed her hands on either side of her thighs, fingers folding around the edge of her desk. “They want to promote me!” Her tone was a mix of skepticism and incredulity.

Chakotay took only a second to recover from his surprise. “Kathryn, that’s- congratulations!”

She nodded pensively, but then looked down briefly. “I told them I needed some time to think about it.”

Chakotay nodded, encouraging her to say more.

She pushed herself from her desk and resumed her packing, grabbing items from her desk and placing them gently into her box. “It’s too early for me to be able to make a decision. I’m too emotional right now, I can’t really think straight, let alone make such an important decision.”

“That’s understandable.” Chakotay acknowledged, but kept on studying her. “There’s something else, though, isn’t there?”

She turned around, looking surprised that he would have noticed. “Am I just being paranoid here? I can’t help but try to figure out what Starfleet will gain from it – some kind of political reasoning that would compel them to make me Admiral. Are they trying to keep me from Voyager? Are they trying to assuage my concerns about you and the other Maquis, and Seven, to mollify my resolve to do all I can to have them give you the recognition you all deserve? To bribe me into submission? I don’t- What’s so funny?” She asked indignantly when she looked up and found him failing to bite back a smile, but the slight curve of her lips betrayed at least a little amusement.

“I'm sorry, Kathryn,” Chakotay chuckled, “but no one could bribe you into doing anything, even less submission, even if they tried.”

“Well, you and I know that, but how would they know?”

“Well, if they have misjudged you so badly, I have a feeling they’re going to see the errors of their ways pretty soon.”

She smiled, then looked up at him again, her eyebrows now rising in a feigned puzzled expression. “So, paranoia is your diagnosis, then, is it?”

“With acute overthinking syndrome, I’m afraid.”

Her restrained smile finally cracked and she chuckled as she dropped herself onto her couch and crossed her legs. “Oh Chakotay, sometimes I wish I could be as calm and true to myself as you are!”

Chakotay walked closer, a couple of items still in his hand, but didn’t sit. “But then you wouldn’t be the one Starfleet is honoring with a promotion to admiral.” He paused as he sobered. “I might not know everything about the political climate at Starfleet,” at her grin he nodded, “okay, so I don’t know anything about it,” he conceded. “But one thing I do know – you’re one hell of a captain, and even if there are politics involved, it doesn’t mean the offer isn’t sincere.”

She nodded as she took in his compliment. “Maybe you’re right.” Her gaze traveled fondly around the room and she sighed. “I would miss this ship, though.”

“I know how you feel.”

Her gaze returned to study him. “You told me last night you wouldn’t serve under another captain,” she went on. “What if you were that captain? Would it change your mind? I have to admit I’d feel better about the promotion if I knew Voyager was in good hands.”

Chakotay shook his head as he returned to the shelf and resumed packing. “I’m honored that you would want to entrust Voyager to me, but I've been giving this a lot of thought lately, and as much as I appreciate it, I wouldn’t accept.” The images and feelings of his alter ego were still so fresh in his mind, he couldn’t help but shudder at the thought of becoming that captain. Even though in all likelihood he would make a different kind of captain than the alternate version of himself, he didn’t want to even take that chance. Besides, he had other ideas for the future, hopefully one in which he wouldn't have to make life and death decisions on behalf of an entire crew on a daily basis.

“Why not?”

“I've come to realize I have no real aspiration of becoming captain anymore.”

She gave him a skeptical look. “You were captain of your Maquis ship.”

“True, but that was a long time ago. I'm not the same man I was then. And as a first officer I was ready to do it, if necessary, but…” He paused as he considered whether or not telling her more. He decided he could at least throw her a few bones. “Actually, I’m thinking about not serving at all. I’m considering resigning from Starfleet – well, that is if Starfleet Command considered my reinstatement official in the first place. If not, I guess it’ll simply be a matter of returning the uniform to its rightful owner.”

“You can’t be serious!?” She sounded so shocked that Chakotay had to throw her a glance. Her expression was as astounded as her tone as she stared at him, wide-eyed, sitting on the edge of her seat as if she was ready to spring up any moment. “I mean I know you said you had doubts, but I didn’t think you were actually thinking about resigning altogether!”

“I am, actually.”

She pushed off the sofa and approached until she was standing at his side. “Well, of course this is your decision, but… why?” she asked with genuine curiosity as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“A number of reasons,” he replied, hoping his voice and expression didn’t betray that she was one of them. He gave a small shrug. “I think I’d like to teach.”

A wide grin suddenly lit up her face. “Oh, you would be great at that. I’m guessing anthropology would be your discipline of choice?”

He smiled as he placed the last item from the shelf into the box. “I figure, with all the experience I’ve gained, and the sheer number of first-contact situations we faced on our journey in the Delta Quadrant, I could have something to offer, even though I don’t have official training.”

There was a momentary pause. “What about Seven?” She asked in a softer tone, but Chakotay could have sworn he heard her voice crack a little.

He tossed her a playful sidelong look. “Oh no, I don’t think anthropology’s really her thing,” he deadpanned, and smiled when her studying gaze lightened in amused surprise. He opened his mouth to say more, but at that moment Tuvok’s voice resounded through the comm system.

“Tuvok to Commander Chakotay.” 

The communication caused a momentary distraction and Chakotay shifted his eyes away from Kathryn in mild irritation at the interruption. “Go ahead, Tuvok.”

“Lieutenant Mora requires your assistance in Cargo Bay 1.”

“I’ll be right there.” Chakotay sighed as he glanced at Kathryn again. She looked perfectly composed, and it unnerved Chakotay that he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. “Do you need help with the rest of your packing? It’s getting late, I could send some of Mora’s people to give you a hand,” he offered.

She shook her head as she moved back to her desk. “I think I’ll finish on my own.”

“Alright.” He lifted the box he’d filled and moved to leave it on the floor by the door. “Are you free for breakfast in the morning? We could travel to Starfleet Command together.”

She nodded. “Mess hall, 800?”

Chakotay gave a nod. “Until tomorrow then.” 

oooOooo

“Well, that wasn’t so bad,” B’Elanna said as she watched from her perch on the bed as Tom gently put Miral’s sleeping body into her cot. Their temporary quarters aboard the docking station weren’t all that different from their quarters on Voyager, which – well, made it kind of strange, actually. 

“I know! It’s weird, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop,” he whispered so as not to wake their daughter. 

B’Elanna frowned. “Why?”

Tom looked back at her incredulously. “Why?” He repeated.

“Tom, your father hasn’t seen you in over seven years. He probably thought he’d lost you for good for a while. Why do you keep expecting something bad will happen? It seems like you’re calling for it.”

“Because…. Just because, alright? I know him. That’s all.”

“You’ve changed, Tom. What makes you think that he hasn’t?”

Tom walked back to the bed and dropped himself next to B’Elanna with a sigh. The shifting weight on the mattress made her bounce slightly. He took her hand. “I’ve been disappointed too many times, okay? I just can’t get my hopes up right now.”

B’Elanna smiled as she squeezed his fingers and leaned into his shoulder. “I get it. Really. But for now, why don’t we just enjoy the fact that his first meeting with Miral went well? We’ll take it from there.”

The reunion between Tom and Admiral Paris had been awkward and tense, as they all stood in small groups around the mess hall. Even though B’Elanna could have cut through the tension with a knife, Tom and his father had exchanged a civil – and even heartfelt – handshake. And the admiral’s face had really lightened when B’Elanna had introduced Miral to him. After that B’Elanna had been summoned to work by Chakotay, but from what Tom told her, the rest of the evening had continued in much the same fashion.

“You’re right,” Tom conceded.

“Of course I’m right.”

“And it really wasn’t so bad.”

“I know. I’m the one who said that.”

“Can you believe we’re finally here?”

B’Elanna was unfazed by the sudden change of topic. She scoffed softly. “No. Not really. You?”

Tom sighed again as he put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer into his embrace. “No.” He gave a small, puzzled chuckle. “What are we going to do?”

“One step at a time, Tom.”

“Okay.”

“Let’s get some sleep while we can,” B’Elanna whispered as she glanced at Miral’s cot. 

“Or not?” 

B’Elanna’s grin widened as she gazed into Tom’s mischievous expression. “Or not.”

oooOooo

Chapter Text

The next morning, Kathryn made her way to the mess hall at the appointed time. It didn’t take her long to spot Chakotay – he was already sitting down, chatting animatedly with a young crewmember from the station Kathryn vaguely recognized as the woman who had been in charge of processing Voyager the night before. Kathryn tried not to let a sudden envious twinge falter her step when she noticed Seven of Nine sitting across from Chakotay.

Chakotay was the first to spot her and he waved her over. 

“Good morning, Chakotay, Seven, Lieutenant,” Kathryn acknowledged each of them with a smile. Before she knew it, Chakotay was standing and placing a cup of coffee (which he'd apparently saved for her) into her hand. She gave him a grateful look.  

“Captain, I don’t think you’ve met Lieutenant Mora,” Chakotay introduced as he sat back down.

“Well, what did you think of our ship, Lieutenant?” Kathryn asked wistfully as she sat. She couldn’t help but steal glances at Seven and Chakotay, but both of their attentions were on Lieutenant Mora.

The woman in question grinned and her eyes lit up excitedly. “Truly marvelous, Captain! Ms. Hansen was just explaining to me how the new armor technology you integrated works – it’s… out of this world!”

“You couldn’t have said it better, Lieutenant,” Kathryn replied as she exchanged an amused look with Seven – or was it Annika, now? – at Mora’s choice of words.

“Captain,” Seven started. “I understand you and Commander Chakotay are expected for a hearing this morning, allow me to wish you luck. And I’m sure you wish to eat before you depart, so we will leave you to it.” She turned to Mora as she stood. “Lieutenant, we may continue this conversation elsewhere if you wish.” It was an order more than an offer, and the officer acquiesced as if Seven were an actual Starfleet officer, and mumbled a “oh, yes, of course!” as she stood as well. 

“Lovely to meet you, Lieutenant,” Kathryn smiled as she watched them leave. She couldn’t help a guilty twinge as she realized that she hadn’t really spoken to Seven for a few days, now – well, ever since her future self had shown up on Voyager, actually – and she now realized that, strangely enough, she had missed her. Whatever was going on between Seven and Chakotay, she couldn’t let it come between her relationship with Seven, and she vowed to herself that she would soon remedy all that.  

Chakotay then took charge of collecting her breakfast and she smiled gratefully when he returned with a tray full of fresh Earth-grown fruits and berries, with a generous side of waffles – and of course, a coffee carafe.

“How did you sleep?” He asked conversationally as they ate.

“I didn’t.”

In fact, after she had finished packing her ready room and the last of Lieutenant Mora’s crew had left the ship, she had sat for the longest time in her captain’s chair on the bridge, lost in thoughts and memories. She wouldn’t admit it, even to Chakotay, but she had even spoken to Voyager then, in the dead of night. It had calmed her, but when she had finally gone to her temporary quarter on the station, sleep had still eluded her. So she’d gotten out of bed early and watched the sunlight bouncing off Earth’s atmosphere as the first rays of daylight touched the North American continent, trying to find peace in such beauty. It had worked for a while, but now her sleepless night was catching up with her, and no amount of coffee would be enough to get her through the long day ahead.

She expected Chakotay to give her a reprimanding look at her confession, but instead he nodded on a sigh. “Yeah, me neither.”

Kathryn let a slow amused smile touch her lips. “What a fine pair of sleep-deprived representatives of our crew we make. The oversight committee will be dumbfounded to understand how it was we actually made it this far in one piece!”

She was rewarded with a quiet, but amused chuckle.  

“Does the hearing worry you?” She asked, noticing his subdued reaction.

“I confess, a little. Not for my sake, but for B’Elanna’s, and the others.”

“It’ll be fine,” she reassured, hoping that her tone didn’t betray her own concerns.

They finished the rest of their breakfast in companionable silence, and before long, the young ensign who had led her crew to the mess hall the day before appeared at their table, and offered to show them the way to their shuttle. 

They were quiet as they made their way and eventually took a seat in the shuttle after giving an acknowledging nod to their Vulcan pilot. The shuttle soon left the docking station and Kathryn instinctively leaned forward to get a better view of Earth as they made their approach. Moved by the sight of the blues and greens and browns that took shape as Earth’s familiar continental masses and oceans, she impulsively reached out and squeezed Chakotay’s arm in anticipation. 

His eyes shot to her face, but after his surprise receded, he slowly, almost timidly, rotated his forearm so that his palm was facing upwards; a silent invitation for her to take his hand. Only he was able to make such a simple gesture convey so much – how he was offering her everything, yet asking for nothing.

Touched by his gesture, Kathryn stared at his wide palm and the strong length of his fingers for what felt like a long time before she met his gaze again. His dark eyes were intense and warm, but also belied his vulnerability and uncertainty at what she would make of his offer. She wasn’t entirely sure what that was at the moment, but whatever it was, she found herself unable to refuse. Without further hesitation she slid her hand from his arm until it reached his outstretched hand. His palm was warm and his fingers strong and unshaking, and Kathryn drew strength from the simple contact. He gently interlocked his fingers with hers and she shivered when his thumb caressed the back of her hand once.

Heart suddenly pounding against her chest, she wished she didn’t have to let go, but after a long moment she gave his hand a final squeeze and he gently relaxed his fingers so she could remove her hand.

They both returned their eyes to the splendid view of Earth as it got closer and closer, but it took a long time for Kathryn to slow down the maddening rhythm of her heart.

~0~

As per usual, Chakotay was walking half a step behind her as they made their way through Starfleet Command. Kathryn desperately tried to overcome her sudden awareness of his presence at her side and regain some composure over herself. She had always felt an attraction toward Chakotay, both physically and intellectually, but she couldn’t let that undermine her now. Not when he could no longer reciprocate. The sharp and echoing sound of her shoes as they hit the shiny surface of the familiar grand halls of Starfleet Command provided her with an anchor to the formality of this moment, and more importantly, the ability to get a grip and push aside the sudden pang of regret in her chest.

Despite her emotional turmoil and concerns about the hearing, though, she had to admit it was good to be walking these floors again. She longed for the moment when she would be able to go outside and enjoy the feeling of Earth’s sun on her skin and the smell of the ocean in the air. 

They were led to one of the council rooms on the third floor, and Kathryn’s stomach twisted into a painful knot at how much this room reminded her of an old-fashioned courtroom. However she didn’t let her emotions betray her, and it was with the appearance of complete composure that she walked up to the three members of the panel seated at the front of the room. 

Chakotay looked as intent and focused as she did, and she lifted her chin in pride.

The panel members included Admiral Hayes, whom Kathryn of course recognized immediately, and based on the nameplates, a Mr. Valdan, and a Captain Hastorf – a woman Kathryn had never seen before, though her name sounded vaguely familiar. They stood and greeted them rather more warmly that Kathryn had anticipated, and even extended their hands for them to shake. 

“Commander Chakotay, a pleasure to meet you at last. I was sorry to miss you at the celebration last evening,” Hayes told Chakotay with genuine warmth as they shook hands.

Chakotay let The Charmer curve his mouth. “Yes, I’m sorry to have missed it, unfortunately I had some unexpected duties to fulfill on Voyager and it kept me away most of the night.”

“Well, let’s get started, shall we? Please, Captain, Commander, take a seat.”

“This hearing is more of an information-gathering kind, rather than judiciary,” Mr. Valdan started as he peered at them from the other side of the panel bench. “We would merely like to address some concerns that several members of Starfleet have expressed regarding the former Maquis in your crew – that includes you, Commander Chakotay, I understand?”

Chakotay gave a brief nod. “It does.”

“I see. Their concerns relate to the potential threat that these crewmembers may pose should they decide to resume their previous activities on the Cardassian border.”

Kathryn gave a grave nod. “We understand Starfleet’s concerns, of course, but Mr. Chakotay and I have agreed to come here today to assuage Starfleet’s concerns on that subject. We’re prepared to provide you with ample evidence and testimonies from the former Maquis, which will support our claim that they are no threat to Starfleet operations.”

The panel members nodded with varying degrees of agreement.

“Very well,” Mr. Valdan said, “let’s start with you, Commander.”

Chakotay shifted slightly in his seat, but when Kathryn glanced at him he looked perfectly calm. “Of course. I’m happy to answer any questions you might have.”

“Now, you are aware that the Maquis have been decimated, correct?”

“Yes, we learned as much as soon as communications were established with the Alpha Quadrant.”

“How do you feel about that?”

Kathryn had to fight the urge to roll her eyes at such an insensitive, obvious question. But Chakotay was all poise as he replied. “Sad, of course. I lost many dear friends to that conflict. But I’m not sorry that the bloodshed’s over.”

“How do you feel about the Cardassians now that you’ve been away for so long?”

Chakotay considered this for a couple of seconds, then looked up. “I have no particular hatred for the Cardassians as a people – my only motive in joining the Maquis was to protect my own people.” He took in a breath. “But as to the second part of your question, regarding my being away for so long…” He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “We – I speak as a member of the Voyager crew now – we’ve been through so much over the course of our journey. I’ve learned so much, about myself and about the universe… about the power of unification under a fearless captain. Our struggles and small victories and losses and ceaseless wonder… all of that changed me. Allowed me to find peace.” He leaned back into his chair again. “I have absolutely no desire to jeopardize that, let alone for a conflict that ended years ago.”

“I understand you still have family residing on the border?” Captain Hastorf asked.

“My sister, yes.”

“You’re not concerned for her welfare?” 

Chakotay gave a small, confused smile. “Well, I trust Starfleet to uphold its deal with the Cardassians. I have no reason to be concerned, now do I?”

“Cleverly delivered, Commander,” Admiral Hayes replied with an amused twinkle in his eyes. “And no, you have not.”

“Then I’m satisfied.”

“Can you speak for your former Maquis colleagues as well? B’Elanna Torres, for example, was one of your trusted officers, I believe.”

Kathryn urged to defend B’Elanna and reply that she still was, but the panel wasn’t addressing her.

"I don't think it's my place to speak for them – they each have a voice worthy of being heard, B’Elanna’s included – but I can certainly testify as to the strength of their characters, their achievements and their good-heartedness.”

Kathryn’s heart swelled in pride at his statement. It suddenly struck her that she had come to take Chakotay for granted over the years, that she had always relied on his support (even expected it) without really questioning whether he truly believed in her actions and her values. But she was now reminded that Chakotay was no sycophant – he always fought for what he believed in – and that was exactly what he had always done as her first officer. She didn’t think it was possible, but her admiration for him actually grew to the point she was afraid it might spill over and be shown to the rest of the world. To him. 

“So you can’t say for sure that at least some of them wouldn’t return to the border?” Mr. Valdan asked.

“I can’t. But keep in mind that most of them have nothing to go back to. And many of them, like B’Elanna Torres who herself recently became a mother, have found love and friendship and a purpose on Voyager. It changed their priorities.”

“Love and friendship? Unfortunately, that’s not an entirely airtight argument, Commander.”

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” Chakotay leaned forward again, his eyes narrowing. “Look, if you’re so concerned, then the responsibility falls on you to make sure that they have no cause to resume their activities, as you say. If I may make a suggestion here – rather than treat them with suspicion, offer them a fair alternative.”

“Such as?” Admiral Hayes asked, his interest and curiosity unfeigned. Kathryn was only starting to realize that she might have misjudged the admiral – he truly appeared to have their best interest at heart, and Kathryn felt herself relax a little to know that they had in him an ally.

“They’ve all gained tremendous experience at their relative stations on Voyager," Chakotay went on, "offer them a position in Starfleet… or a position where they can make sure that the deal with the Cardassians is respected on all sides… or a job that would allow them to develop their scientific or technical prowess… My point is: give them a worthier cause, something that they can feel pride in undertaking, something that would fulfill their desire to do something useful, something just. If you do that, I'm ready to bet that not one of them is even going to think about stirring up trouble."

The members of the panel looked a little sheepish after such a passionate speech, and Kathryn had to bite back a satisfied smile. “Thank you, Commander. We will of course consider your suggestions.”

Chakotay gave a nod.

“Captain Janeway,” Mr. Valdan started again, shifting his attention from Chakotay to Kathryn, “you weren’t very clear in your report as to why exactly you chose Mr. Chakotay as your first officer. Could you enlighten us as to your reasoning?”

Kathryn looked at him with a lopsided grin. “Well, if that right there didn’t convince you, I don’t know what will!” She replied as she gave him a cool, amused grin. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Chakotay lower his head to hide a smile.

“Captain, please, humor us.”

"Fine. Well, even though I didn’t know Mr. Chakotay as well as I do now, even then, he struck me as a strong leader, notwithstanding the fact that he had more experience on a starship than most of my surviving crew, with the exception of Mr. Tuvok.”

“Yes, Mr. Tuvok. He would have been a perfectly reasonable choice for a first officer. Why didn’t you choose him?”

Even though the obvious slight on Chakotay irritated her, Kathryn kept her cool and crossed her legs as she leaned back against the back of her chair. “Of course my decision was in part strategic; we were all stuck together, seventy-thousand lightyears away from home, and in the first few months our two crews didn’t necessarily see eye to eye. Tuvok had been working undercover among the Maquis – and many of them didn’t trust him. And I knew that by entrusting Chakotay with the responsibilities of a first officer, it would assuage some of our respective crews’ concerns. But beyond the tactical advantage, I knew – call it instinct, if you will – that he was trustworthy, and someone worthy of my respect. We quickly agreed that our joint crews would merge into one, a Starfleet crew, which would abide by Starfleet’s values and protocols. We always stuck to that. Since then, our shared experiences have brought us all together. It’s been a very long time now since I’ve thought of any of the former Maquis as anything but members of my crew, and my friends. And as for Mr. Tuvok, as a Vulcan he quickly accepted my choice as a logical one.” She took in a breath as she narrowed her eyes and leaned forward, her elbows on the table. “And let me add, nothing you can say or ask today will make me sway in my absolute belief that making Mr. Chakotay my first officer was the best decision I’ve ever made as Captain of Voyager.”

Chakotay hid another smile as he stared down at his hands on the table. Mr. Valdan cleared his throat. “Yes, thank you, Captain Janeway.”

“Before we move on to the evidence you brought with you, there is one more thing of concern to address,” Captain Hastorf stated.

“If you’re referring to Seven of Nine-”

“We are.”

“Then once again let me reassure you that she has long moved beyond her Borg past, and has proven her allegiance to me and Voyager countless times. And the fact is, my crew and I wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for her. She is extremely intelligent and capable, and her knowledge of the universe and the Borg is unequaled. Like the former Maquis, I urge you to give her an opportunity to prove herself to you, and to not let your fears guide your actions. I think you'll find she has a tendency to grow on you,” she added in a softer voice, now resisting the urge to glance at Chakotay, despite the fact that she could feel him staring hard at her profile.

There was a stunned silence when Kathryn finished, and the panel members traded looks.

“Very well, thank you, Captain,” Admiral Hayes said. “Now, if this panel has no further questions, we will proceed to the evidence and testimonies you offered at the beginning of this hearing.”

Kathryn exchanged a look with Chakotay, who handed his PADD to Mr. Valdan as Kathryn stood to her feet.

“Thank you. I’d like to start by telling you more about each of the former Maquis crewmen and women that have now become part of the Voyager crew…”

oooOooo

“Why Mr. Chakotay, you are a force to be reckoned with!” The captain teased as they stepped outside Starfleet Command into the late afternoon sun. “I’m glad you’re on my side – well, most of the time,” she added with a cheeky grin. Chakotay hadn’t seen her this lively for a long time now and it filled his heart with warmth to see her so excited. 

Her light-heartedness was contagious and Chakotay grinned, embarrassed at her compliment and the obvious admiration in her tone. “I’m always on your side, Kathryn – even when I disagree with you. But, please, allow me to return the compliment,” he replied as he gave her a bow of his head.

Kathryn laughed at his formal gesture and she took his arm affectionately. “They were utterly defenseless, they never saw us coming!” 

“You think it was a success, then?” He asked as he tucked her a little closer into his side as they walked. 

“Oh I do.”

“So what do you say? Isn't it worth celebrating?”

“By all means! You did promise me drinks on the Pier, if I recall…”

Chakotay grinned. “I remember. Let’s go then,” he suggested, secretly loving that she was still holding his arm. They walked in silence for a while, both lost in thought and in the elated feeling that came with knowing that they had been successful in their goals. Still riding on the adrenaline rush, Chakotay was hyper conscious of the moment; the beautiful hues of the upcoming sunset, and the scent of salt on the cool breeze that whipped his face.

“I loved what you said about each of the crewmembers having a voice – it was… remarkable,” Kathryn commented as they walked toward the water, her tone genuinely impressed.

“I only spoke the truth.”

She squeezed his arm. “I got to say, though… Love and friendship?” She added, her tone returning to its earlier playfulness.

He made a face. “Too cheesy?”

She gave him a dubious look.

“Well, maybe it was,” he conceded. “But I stand by what I said anyway. I do believe that love is a powerful drive for change, and that it changed many of us in ways that we couldn’t predict. Just look at Tom and B’Elanna!”

“Oh I’m not criticizing the notion – in fact I wholeheartedly agree with it… just the wisdom of bringing it up at an official hearing.”

Chakotay grinned. “Don’t fool yourself, I’m pretty sure that’s what brought that stern-looking Valdan around to my cause.”

She half-chuckled half-snorted and Chakotay grinned again. He seemed to be doing a lot of that all of a sudden. 

“Maybe you’re right! You know,” she went on conspiratorially, “I know for a fact that Admiral Hayes is happily married, but I’m pretty sure the everyone else fell just a little in love with you in there…!”

Chakotay laughed out loud, even though his first thought was: including you? It sent his heart racing with wild, irrational hope. 

He gave her a mockingly suspicious glare. “How can you know for a fact that Admiral Hayes is happily married, Captain?” He teased and she gave him a mysterious grin in response before she couldn’t hold it anymore and laughed. 

By then they had reached Pier 39 and Chakotay looked around eagerly, taking in the ambiance. He’d heard that the place had barely changed in 300 years, and he could easily believe it. It was still a place where street musicians, traders, tourists and wanderers converged into a strange but coherent whole. The sound of old-fashioned instruments filled the air and the delicious blend of aromas that filtered from the various dining establishments made his mouth water in anticipation.

They chose a dining option and made sure they had a view on Alcatraz Island before they sat down to order food and drinks.

“So tell me,” Kathryn asked once their glasses were filled with wine and she rested her elbows on the table to lean a little closer, her expression eager and playful. “How has love changed you, Commander?” The question was innocent enough given the thread of their conversation and the teasing undertone of her voice, but Chakotay was still taken aback by the bluntness of it. He thought he understood what she was really asking, and he absent-mindedly placed his napkin on his thigh as he thought of the best way to answer her. 

“I think… in many, many ways.” He inhaled and met her eyes seriously, brows knitting together. “Kathryn, I think we’ve been circling around the elephant in the room for a while now, so let me put an end to that now.”

She tensed at the seriousness of his voice before she could school her surprise. But now she looked at him with a mix of curiosity and dread. “Seven,” she let out on a soft, raspy voice.

“Yes.” Chakotay nodded. “I’m not going to lie, there was something between us for a while.”

She blinked but her expression didn’t waver. “Was…?”

“It’s over now.”

“Was it serious?”

Chakotay's gaze darted to hers briefly. “Yes.” He swallowed. “I would have never…let the relationship evolve if I didn’t think I felt... But, it was a mistake. It didn’t take long for us both to realize that.”

She took in a long breath as she took this in. “I have to say, I’m surprised at you, Chakotay.”

The comment stung, but he had expected it. He knew he’d hurt her on some level, and some anger was not unexpected. “I know. I disappointed myself,” he went on with a painful frown as he tried to put words to his feelings. “I disappointed her, too. I could never love her as much and as well as she deserves.” He paused to inhale, before plunging in. “Not when my heart already belongs to someone else.” 

He briefly glanced at her again to meet her eyes, expecting her to ask the obvious follow-up question. She was staring at him, her expression open and unsettled, her eyes searching his face. Her response was stalled by the arrival of their food, and they both had to willfully tear their gaze away from the other to acknowledge the waiter. 

They thanked the waiter and Chakotay took the opportunity to take a sip of wine while Kathryn stalled by carefully placing her utensils by her plate, as if it was the most important thing in the world. With her eyes and face cast down, he had no idea what she was thinking now, but he could tell by the heightened rise and fall of her chest or the way her fingers shook that she wasn’t indifferent to his words, or his meaning. 

When the silence stretched for a little too long, Chakotay leaned a little forward, stomach in a tight knot. While he had endeavored to rekindle their old camaraderie over the last few days, she hadn’t really given him any hints that she would welcome attentions of a more romantic nature – barring the hurt he’d seen on her face when she found out about his relationship with Seven. But he couldn’t back down now, not after he’d come this far, and especially when he recalled the significance of today’s date from Captain Chakotay’s log.

“You’re not going to ask me who it is that my heart belongs to?” He asked at last, voice barely over a whisper as he willed her to look up.

She finally did and her expression was a guarded mix of relief, hope and humor. He blinked in surprise, but then he relaxed against his seat again, letting his lips curve in a crooked smile as he watched her.

“Do I know her?” She asked in a playful tone that contrasted starkly with the intensity and guarded hope of her gaze. This was an old distraction technique of hers, using humor long enough to distract her interlocutor from noticing that she was more affected than she let on. He knew it too well to be fooled, but he would play the game if that was what she needed.

Chakotay nodded. “Yes, you know her very well. Better than anyone."

She gave him a contemplative look, biting her cheek. “Hmm. Young?” 

Chakotay narrowed his eyes playfully. “Youngish.”

She gave an amused scoff at his diplomatic reply. 

“She's beautiful,” he went on, enjoying how this banter allowed him to compliment her. “Very curious, and very smart, and very wise. She can be as fierce as she can be caring. A little stubborn and self-righteous, sometimes, but I happen to love that about her.” After a moment the amused curve of her lips widened into a full-blown, bright smile, and her eyes shone with emotion. Unable to resist anymore, Chakotay exhaled and extended his hand, palm up, and to his relief she didn’t hesitate before reaching out to grasp it. 

“She sounds like a handful,” she replied with a coy smile as her fingers interlocked with his. “Sounds like she'd need someone strong enough to be able to ground her. Someone who’d temper her curiosity and tendency for self-importance with principles and spirituality; gentle but passionate enough to offset the recklessness...”

Moved by her description, Chakotay bit back a smile before he arranged his expression into a quizzical look. “Doesn’t sound like anyone I know.”

She released a chuckle and squeezed his hand. The twinkle in her eyes and open expression pulled him in like a magnet, but as much as he wanted to lean over the table and kiss her at that moment, she was still his captain, and until she gave him permission to do otherwise or he officially resigned, he would continue acting as such. Besides, while she seemed pleased by his admission and recognized that there was a bond between them, he was acutely aware that she hadn’t reciprocated his feelings just then, not really. Not explicitly. As frustrating as it was, he forced himself to be patient and push his own desires aside, and instead settled for slowly bringing her hand to his mouth and gently pressing his lips to her knuckles as his eyes met hers. Leaning her chin on the palm of her free hand, she met his eyes with a mix of bashfulness, pleasure and something that looked a lot like puzzled wonder. And desire. He felt his pulse quicken, but let go of her hand with a smile. 

He couldn’t help throwing glances her way as they attacked their meal in earnest. She still looked flustered as if he had completely thrown her off balance, so he decided to ease the tension by changing the subject.

“Have you given more thought to your promotion?” He asked. 

She nodded eagerly, apparently happy for the distraction. “I spent a lot of time thinking last night, sitting in my captain’s chair on Voyager, literally staring into space, weighing my options. I think it’s still too early for me to say with certainty, but I’m leaning toward accepting.” Her lips curved into a slow smile as she leaned forward conspiratorially. “I kind of like the sound of Admiral Janeway, actually. What do you think?” 

“I like the sound of anything Janeway,” he retorted with a grin, before returning a more serious gaze on her. “But it’s your decision, Kathryn. Whatever you decide, I’ll stand by you. Always.”

She gave a grateful smile, before she returned to her meal. “And you? I don’t suppose you’d reconsider my proposition?”

“About a promotion to captain?” Chakotay shook his head. “I don't think so. Kathryn,” he started more gravely as he set his fork and knife down on the table, “The simple truth of the matter is… I want you in my life – but not as my captain, and certainly not my admiral. Far from me to sound presumptuous, but I don’t think we could have a fulfilling relationship if I stayed on as a Starfleet officer. And I’d like all the odds to be in my favor.”

Realization flashed through her eyes. “You told me you were thinking of resigning. Is that why, then? To be with me?”

She sounded reproachful, but Chakotay needed to be honest with her. “It's part of the reason. I meant what I said before too – I just don't think Starfleet is what I want or need anymore. Actually, I would much rather teach and undertake my own archaeological research as a civilian, if given the opportunity.”

After a long moment she nodded slowly as she leaned back in her chair. “I understand.”

“You do?”

“Of course. Just because I can't imagine life without Starfleet doesn’t mean I can’t understand how you might find it appealing. You have so much more to offer the world, the universe, Chakotay – I’m starting to realize that all these years on Voyager – we were holding you back, constraining you to a set of limiting duties. What you said earlier, about the crew needing something that would fulfill them… I’m just realizing that it applies to you as well.”

Chakotay frowned. “I didn’t mean it like that – I certainly never saw my place on Voyager that way. In fact there isn’t a day that goes by without me feeling immensely grateful for the opportunity you’ve given me, to be a part of it all. I meant what I said earlier, at the hearing – those seven years have allowed me to find peace, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. It’s just time for me to do something else. But all things considered, it was a pretty amazing journey, wasn’t it?” He added with a wistful smile.

The bright smile that curved her lips reached her eyes, and she lifted her wine glass as she leaned closer over the table. “To warriors at peace, and to an amazing journey,” she toasted, and he gave an embarrassed grin at her reference to the warrior legend he had made up so long ago, amazed that she’d remembered it. He lifted his glass and clinked it with hers, holding her gaze.

When they put down their glasses, Chakotay realized that they had both finished their meal. “Dessert?”

She shook her head as her hands covered her stomach, as if she’d overindulged. “Let’s walk for a bit.”

The sun was low on the horizon by the time they left the restaurant, but the sky was still an impressive palette of pinks and purples as the first stars appeared above them. They walked in companionable silence for a while, Kathryn’s arm once more looped around his. They walked by an old-fashioned ice cream stand, and Kathryn stopped. “Oh I could eat some of that.”

Chakotay grinned as he took them to the stand and they each ordered their respective cone. Soon they were walking again, busy making sure that the ice cream didn’t melt onto their hands. It was rather a cool evening to be eating ice cream, but if it made her happy, then Chakotay was in no position to complain.

“Hmm, that beats replicated dessert any day,” Kathryn groaned in pleasure and Chakotay chuckled. They walked to the end of the pier and leaned on the rail as they gazed out at the Bay. It was beautiful, and it reminded Chakotay of all he’d nearly lost. If it hadn’t been for Annika, and Captain Chakotay…

“You died today,” Chakotay suddenly said, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled between them.

“I beg your pardon?” She asked as she wiped ice cream from her mouth with her napkin.

“In that other timeline, the one Annika came from… Today was the day you died.”

She stared at him, all the pieces falling together in her mind at last. After a moment her face fell in sympathy and she stepped a little closer, leaning her shoulder against his until their arms touched. “What happened?”

Chakotay shook his head as he shifted his weight on the balls of his feet and back to his heels. “A stupid accident really. I don’t want to get into it.”

He felt her step even closer, so close that her face was almost leaning against his shoulder and her warmth spread through his side. She placed her free hand on his arm and let it settle there. 

“That other Chakotay…" he went on, "he never really recovered. But he wasn’t the only one who suffered from the loss. And I think – that’s what set in motion a series of terrible events.”

They were both silent for a few moments, Chakotay lost in the story that his future self had shared with him.

And then… “I’m here, Chakotay, and I’m okay.”

Chakotay let out a raw chuckle as he glanced at her, the emotion reflected on her face. “I know. And you have no idea how incredibly lucky that makes me feel.”

She leaned her cheek against his upper arm briefly, offering him the simple comfort she somehow knew he needed: her presence – her tangible, real, softly breathing, presence. His hand reached out to cover hers.

“Do you wish you hadn’t learned all these things?” Kathryn asked eventually.

“A little, maybe. His log put images in my head that are never going to go away. But in a sense, I’m glad he showed me, because now I can really honor Annika’s sacrifice, and his, too. And I understand what I nearly lost. It makes me appreciate it all even more.” He turned to her then, and she let go of his arm so that she could still face him, her expression grave. 

“I hope you’ll share what you learned with me,” she said. “It’s not fair that you should be the only one carrying that burden.”

Chakotay gave a half smile. “Thank you. Maybe I will, someday. When those possibilities are far, far behind us.”

One corner of her lips curved upward. “Fair enough.”

She returned her gaze to the Bay and Chakotay imitated her a second later. They were quiet for a while as they finished their ice cream, until she spoke again, her voice soft and almost wistful. 

“You know Chakotay, I couldn’t have imagined a better way to spend my first day back on Earth, than standing here like this, eating ice cream with you – in the cold," she added with a wry grin.

Chakotay smiled. “I’m glad. And for the record, neither could I.”

He felt her shiver next to him. “Oh you really are cold! Let’s head back to Starfleet Command.” He wished he could put his arm around her and rub her arms and back, but he didn’t dare act on that level of comfort just yet. It still didn’t feel like he was allowed to get that comfortable with her.

She nodded and they walked, faster this time, back the way they came. It was completely dark by the time they made it back, but the main hall was bright with artificial lights, and loud with the many voices that bounced back in echoes against the walls and high ceilings. 

After their hearing, Admiral Hayes had told them that they, as well as the crew, had been assigned temporary quarters in the next building over from Starfleet Command, which also served as housing for Academy cadets and staff. All they had to do was check in at the front desk to figure out the location of their assigned individual quarters. As they made their way to the front desk now, Chakotay suddenly spotted B’Elanna, Tom, Tuvok, Harry, and a few others, chatting not far from the desk. Looking around the room, he suddenly realized that it was the entire crew of Voyager that filled the hall with chatter and energy. The excitement of their recent transport to Earth was almost tangible.

He exchanged a delighted look with Kathryn as they walked up to greet the senior officers.

“Captain, Commander. How was the hearing?” B’Elanna asked as she gently bounced Miral on her shoulder. 

“Oh it went just fine! I have to say, though, it’s been… quite a day!” Kathryn replied with a sly glance in Chakotay’s direction, and he bit back a smile. “I take it you all made it safely, then?” she asked as she looked around.

It was Tuvok who replied. “Yes, Captain. We were the last to transport,” he gestured to the bridge officers, “but it appears that everyone is accounted for, and pleased with the overall arrangements.”

Kathryn nodded. “Good.”

While she conversed with them, Chakotay got both their rooms information, and learned that their personal effects had already been transferred to their respective quarters. He had to give it to Starfleet, they could be surprisingly efficient, sometimes. Chakotay returned his attention to his friends and shipmates and silently handed Kathryn her room information. “Some of us are going out to celebrate,” Harry was saying, “if you would both care to join us?” 

Kathryn threw Chakotay a quick, amused glance, but gave a kind smile to Harry as she touched his arm. “Thank you, Mr. Kim, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to join you. After the last few days’ excitement, I think I need an early night in. Rain check?”

“Of course, Captain.” Harry nodded in understanding. “What about you, Commander?”

Chakotay hesitated – he was reluctant to leave Kathryn after the day they had spent together, and the things that were said… and those that remained unsaid. Far from him the wish to rush her, he was happy to let things unfold at their own pace and give Kathryn the time she needed to come to terms with what he'd told her. Yet he couldn’t dismiss his longing for her company or his desire that this day never end. Eventually she touched his arm. “Go on, Chakotay, go celebrate with the kids. We can resume our conversation tomorrow.”

Chakotay gave her a studying look, but her eyes were soft and her expression open as she looked up at him. Hope flared in his chest. There was a promise in her look that made his pulse quicken in anticipation, but he understood her need to catch her breath. “Breakfast, then?” He suggested.

“Sounds like a plan.”

“Alright, then. I’ll join you,” he said to Harry. He felt restless, and if anything, a night out with the officers would provide a nice distraction.

“You mentioned Seven had already retired to her room?” Kathryn asked Harry curiously, with some concern in her tone.

Harry nodded. “She said she didn’t want to leave the kids alone on their first night on Earth. But I have to say, she looked a little…I don’t know… upset. Almost like she was the one who was frightened at the prospect.”

Kathryn nodded as she looked up at Chakotay. “I should go and talk to her. I wish you all a wonderful evening!” She said as she walked away, throwing a last smile for Chakotay’s eyes only.

Chakotay cleared his throat and schooled his smile into a more neutral expression before he returned his attention to the officers. “So, where are we going?”

oooOooo

Chapter Text

Kathryn’s mind and heart were still reeling from the day’s events, and in particular the unexpected turn that her conversation with Chakotay had taken, as she made her way to Seven’s  assigned quarters. The brightly lit meandering corridors of the Academy residence building reminded her of Voyager’s decks, and she smiled to herself. Starfleet could never disappoint when it came to a lack of imagination in interior design. The similarities were comforting, however, if a little nostalgic.

She had very little space for nostalgia in her heart at the moment, though – it was too busy making sense of her myriad of feelings for and about Chakotay. So much had happened over the last few days, she felt like Lewis Carroll’s Alice, being pulled by a running Red Queen – running as fast as she could but barely keeping up as they ultimately went nowhere. This emotional, speedy rollercoaster wasn’t only about the ups and downs relating to Chakotay, but everything that had happened over the last few days. So, while the still-incredulous part of her had been reluctant to part with him and deprive herself of his presence, another part – the part that had won out in the end – was admittedly a little relieved to have some time to herself to process and catch her breath. 

Evidently Chakotay had an advantage over her from having had a glimpse of that alternate future. Kathryn had no doubt whatsoever that whatever he had learned from it – including her own death – was precisely what had sparked the sudden shift in his behavior toward her since their return, and what had prompted him to tell her how he felt. That his heart belonged to her. That he wanted her in his life. Emotions continued to rush and bubble in her chest at the thought.

Yet as thrilled as she was, Kathryn hadn't been able — hadn't been ready — to meet him halfway tonight. She still had trouble believing it all… Why, only a few hours ago, she had been almost certain that he was lost to her, that he was in a relationship with Seven. She had so convinced herself that he had moved on that it was almost difficult to accept that it wasn’t the case; that she was the one he wanted. And however excited and relieved this newfound knowledge made her, his admission of a relationship with Seven, no matter how short-lived, had stung. Bitterly.

Was this how he had felt every time she’d told him about her problems with her ‘boyfriend that malfunctioned,’ or the other men in her life over the recent years? He had told her more than once that he just wanted her to be happy, and she knew he’d always meant it, but that selflessness had no doubt come at a painful price. So really, she was in no position to begrudge him for trying to move on, even if it was with Seven.

That had probably been the hardest part to digest, Kathryn realized. Not that he had sought comfort and companionship in someone else, but that the someone had turned out to be Seven. Chakotay was not one to trifle with anyone’s feelings, so he must have known that he would have to be particularly careful in dealing with Seven’s feelings, and that a relationship with her couldn’t be a mere fling. No, his intentions must have gone deeper than that, and this was the painful part for Kathryn: that their relationship – no matter how short it turned out to be in the end – had been a serious, long-term alternative, and not some form of rebound or quick fix to his loneliness.

Well, be that as it may, he now appeared to deem the relationship a mistake, and Kathryn had to trust him to know his own heart. But while he claimed a need to feel like her equal for them to even stand a chance, Kathryn on the other hand had to learn to let go of the sting that still pierced her chest whenever she recalled the intimacy she has witnessed between them when they’d walked into the room together – what felt like ages ago, now. The memory had burned itself into her mind’s eye, and it showed an annoying resiliency in constantly flashing through her mind when she least expected it. 

Today, however, she had been able to create new memories, ones to cultivate and cherish: the vulnerability in his expression when he waited for her to ask the obvious question; his passionate defense of his Maquis comrades and the pride and affection that had swelled in her heart to realize how lucky she was to know him; the feeling of his warm lips as they pressed against her knuckles, sending an electrifying shiver all the way from her hand to her toes; the shattered expression on his face when he told her of her fate in the alternate timeline; and how much she loved the special bond of camaraderie between them, because it held such potential to be more. Those, she decided, were the memories she needed to commit to her mind – those were the ones that mattered. 

The numbers on the doors were getting closer to Seven’s quarters now, so Kathryn forced Chakotay to the back of her mind for the moment. When she reached the number she had gotten from the desk, she chimed the doorbell, and waited. 

It took only a couple of seconds before Seven opened her door, and stood a little stunned on the other side. “Captain!”

Kathryn smiled gently. “I’m not disturbing you, I hope? Can I come in?”

“Of course.” Seven opened the door a little wider to let her in, and Kathryn smiled as her eyes swept across the Spartan room, and finally settled on the children occupying themselves by diverse means and games in the living room area. Icheb was reading as he sat on the couch, while the other three played some kind of board game on the floor. There was no sign of anxiety or fear in their impulsive laughter or exclamations. She suspected that Harry had seen right through Seven’s own projected fears in her claim that she didn’t want to leave the children unattended.

“How was the hearing?” Seven asked as she led Kathryn further inside. 

Kathryn frowned a little at the feeling that there was something missing in this room, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on what. “It went well. I don’t think anyone needs to worry, though it remains to be seen what the committee does with our recommendations.”

Seven nodded. 

“So how are the children adapting?” Kathryn asked, changing the subject, as she sat on one of the chairs by the kitchen area.

Seven clasped her hands behind her back. “As you see. They seem comfortable enough.”

“And you?”

Seven looked away, as if trying to hide some emotion from Kathryn’s studying gaze. “I…am adapting.”

“Regeneration alcoves!” That was what was missing to make those quarters truly Seven’s. “How are you all going to regenerate?” Kathryn asked with some concern as she looked around, unconsciously looking for the best spot to place the Borg technology. It would definitely add a little je-ne-sais-quoi to the decorative style… 

“I am unsure. For now our regeneration cycle may wait, but I will have to come up with a solution soon.”

The memory of Annika, the older version of Seven, flashed through Kathryn’s mind. She had found a way to stop using the alcove – there had to be a way for Seven and the children as well. But it might be too soon to bring this up, when there was so much more to adapt to now that they had left the familiar confines of Voyager.

“Maybe we can transport them from Voyager,” Kathryn suggested.

“Perhaps,” Seven agreed as she remained standing. 

“Seven, what is it?” Kathryn asked more quietly, leaning forward so that her whispered words would be carried to Seven’s ears. Seven gave a brief glance at the children in the opposite corner, as if to make sure that they weren’t listening. 

“I have no wish to alarm the children unnecessarily.”

Kathryn stared at her, Seven's words alarming her now. “What are you talking about?”

At last Seven sat down across from Kathryn and leaned forward. “Annika, from the alternative timeline, spoke of certain things…” she started uncertainly. “Possibilities. I can’t seem to get them out of my mind.”

Kathryn looked at her quizzically. Annika had sure had a lot of influential things to say to Chakotay and Seven during her brief time with them… “What kinds of things?”

“About my purpose. She suggested that, upon our return to Earth, I would be deprived of what had given me purpose thus far. And she was right.”

Kathryn frowned unhappily. “How can you think that? You have so much to offer, Seven, so much you still have to learn.”

“Please, I- I would like to be addressed as Annika from now on.”

Thought it probably shouldn’t have surprised her, this stunned Kathryn for a second, but she quickly regrouped. “Alright, Annika,” she corrected herself, unsure what this change meant for the young woman on a psychological level. “But my point remains, there is so much you could be doing! The beauty of it is that now we all have a choice!”

“Perhaps. Yet I feel as though my purpose cannot be fulfilled here.”

“What do you mean?”

“Annika requested, asked, that I consider establishing a sanctuary for reformed Borg drones. Even though we gave a crippling blow to the Borg by destroying one of their Hubs, there are undoubtedly many more Borg cubes still roaming the galaxy.” She paused, as if bracing herself for what she was about to say next. “I feel compelled by the suggestion. In fact, I believe that is what you might refer to as – a calling. I wish to continue to fight the Borg – in my own way.”

“One drone at a time…” Kathryn finished for her, touched by the intention and the implied notion that she was paying forward what Kathryn herself and the Voyager crew had helped her accomplish. Kathryn stared at her, not sure if she was more impressed or astonished. “Sev- Annika, that’s… truly wonderful. But-”

“How will I find drones to rehabilitate?” She finished for her quickly – apparently she had already considered that potential issue. “I would have to search for them – and rescue them. I have one option to do this effectively, but you would not like it.”

“Well luckily for you I’m no longer your captain,” Kathryn replied coolly as a means to hide the mad speed of her thoughts as they went through her head. De-Borging drones was one thing, but to actively go out to look for them was something else entirely! It gave ‘looking for trouble’ an entirely new meaning! She wasn’t exactly sure how to react to the fear for Annika’s safety that this thought instilled in her. However, the younger woman had obviously given this a lot of thought, and probably didn’t need Kathryn to add salt to the wound by pointing out how dangerous, crazy even, that was.

“The alcove…” Kathryn breathed as Annika’s method of finding the drones dawned on her. “You’d try to connect with what’s left of the Collective through it.”

Annika gave a small nod, and Kathryn gave a long sigh. That sounded terribly risky.

“What about them?” Kathryn asked as she gestured to the children.

Annika blinked, her determined expression faltering into dismay before she looked away. “This is merely an idea. I have yet to make my final decision. However, they will need a home, regardless of whether I act upon this plan or not.”

Kathryn didn’t necessarily buy Annika’s claim to uncertainty – it sounded as though she had in fact made up her mind, but Kathryn decided to let that go for now. “What do you have in mind?”

“Icheb will soon come of age where parenting is no longer required,” Kathryn held back a grin at that, it was not her experience that teenagers stopped needing parenting, but quite the opposite, “and I believe a life in Starfleet continues to hold a certain appeal for him. As for the others, I am uncertain… In fact I would greatly appreciate your counsel in this matter.”

Kathryn reached out and squeezed Annika’s arm gently. “Of course.”

“If I were to carry out my plan and found a suitable location to establish the sanctuary, they could of course be residents for as long as they wished. However I would need someone to teach and look after them while I am away.”

“Let’s just take this one step at a time, then. If you were to go ahead with this plan – hypothetically, of course,” Kathryn added as she refrained from smiling at Annika’s serious nod, “it sounds like what you need is first to find a good location for that sanctuary of yours. I’m sure we could use Voyager’s Astrometrics lab to look for a suitable planet, if Earth is not to your liking. Or feels too crowded.” 

Her expression brightened in a subtle shift at the mention of the Astrometrics lab. “I wasn’t aware that we still had access to Voyager.”

Kathryn grinned, happy to reassure in that, at least. “I’m sure we can arrange that!” she said as she affectionately tapped Annika’s arm. “Voyager's not going anywhere for now, and certainly not without Admiral Janeway’s knowledge!”

Annika shot her a look. “Admiral Janeway?”

Kathryn grinned. “It’s not official yet, but I’ve been offered the promotion.”

“Oh. I believe congratulations are typically in order.”

“Thank you.” Kathryn gave a sigh as she realized that almost unbeknownst to her, she had actually made her decision. “I’m content with this decision, but I have to admit, I will miss it: the exploration, the scientific puzzles, the adrenaline rush, the challenges – and of course, the crew, which made it all tolerable.”

Annika nodded. “I’ll miss it as well.”

“Well you won’t for long if your plan actually comes through! You’ll be chasing Borg cubes before you know it!”

That earned a small smile, and Kathryn stood. Though she would lie if she said that this plan of Annika’s didn’t worry her, she understood her desire to make a difference better than anyone. It was part of the reason Kathryn had decided to accept the promotion, in fact. One thing for sure, though, her way of achieving this need suddenly appeared much, much duller than Seven’s. 

“Well, I should leave you to rest,” Kathryn said as she started making her way to the door. “My combadge is still active, let me know if you need anything. And tomorrow we’ll figure out what to do with the regeneration alcoves.”

Annika gave a grateful nod. “Thank you. Sleep well, Captain.”

Kathryn had almost reached the door when Annika spoke again. “Captain.”

Kathryn turned to face her, eyebrows raised curiously. 

Seven – Annika – took in a short breath as she squared her shoulders. “I am grateful for everything you have done for me. What I mean to say is: I will miss you, when the time comes for me to go.”

Kathryn felt tears sting her eyes, and she gave a nod, the lump in her throat preventing her from making a sound. She swallowed it and forced a smile to her face. “Then you’ll just have to come back and visit every once in a while.”

Annika gave a small smile, and bowed her head.

Kathryn’s quarters were up a couple of floors from Seven’s – Annika’s, and she made her way absent-mindedly, lost in thoughts as to how she might best help her achieve what she longed to do in a safer manner than what she suggested. If Annika could use Voyager and the armor technology that the older version had installed on it, the technological advantages might lower the risk, and she wouldn’t need to move the regeneration alcoves from Cargo Bay 2. However Voyager required a large crew – larger than Annika probably wanted to implicate – and, not only that, but its association with the Federation might call for Borg retaliation on the Federation, and Earth. That was too risky.

She reached her quarters and walked in, turning on lights as she did so. She sighed, hands on her hips, when she spotted the mountains of boxes that contained her personal effects piled up in various corners of the room. The night was early still, but she was too exhausted – physically and emotionally – to go through all of those now. 

Instead she grabbed the bag she knew contained her nightclothes and personal hygiene items and headed for the shower. On her way there she saw from the corner of her eye that she had a recorded transmission on the computer on the desk. She sat down on the edge of her chair. “Computer, display recorded message.” 

The message was from Admiral Hayes. 

“Captain Janeway, I apologize for once again disturbing your return with more Starfleet business. First, let me say that I was really impressed with you and your Commander Chakotay earlier today. You make quite a persuasive team, and I’m all the more hoping that you will accept the promotion. The admiralty could greatly benefit from having someone like you on board. 

But now to the point of this transmission: I was asked to inform you that Starfleet is to organize an official welcoming ceremony for yourself and your crew, the day after tomorrow. The kin we have on file for your crewmembers have been notified, and invited to attend the ceremony. I will leave it to you to decide whether you would like to keep that as a surprise or not, and to let us know if any additional guests should be added to the list. Also, if you and your senior officers are agreeable, we would also like to demonstrate Voyager’s return more literally – with a fly-by over the Bay. I think that’s a sight that everyone would enjoy as a symbol of your crew’s safe return. By the same token, we are ready to attend to your suggestion and consider promoting those you feel are most deserving. That includes yourself, should you decide to accept our offer. So, we are working on putting everything together, however we will need to meet and discuss the procedures with you and your senior officers prior to the ceremony. I am suggesting tomorrow afternoon, 1400 hours, at Starfleet Command. I have already left messages to your senior officers requesting their presence. On that note, I bid you a good and restful night.”

Well, Kathryn thought with a smile as she resumed her course for the shower, this was a nice way to honor her crew. And she had no doubt that Tom would enjoy showing off his piloting skills by flying Voyager over San Francisco. She was still a little wary of Starfleet’s attention to herself and her crew, but even if there were politics involved, she figured the official recognition of their achievements would be a nice way to welcome them home. Thinking of Harry and his eagerness to see his parents, she decided to keep the part about the invitations to the crewmembers’ families secret. She’d have to make a list of those she would like to promote, as well as see if she could track down family and friends for those who were not on Starfleet’s files, like the former Maquis. Chakotay’s sister was likely too far away to make it in time, but perhaps that was not the case for the others. 

But that could wait until tomorrow, she decided as she turned on the shower.

She clung to thoughts of Chakotay a little longer and, as she divested herself of her clothes and layers of responsibility until she was just Kathryn again, his earlier revelation about his feelings left her grinning like a schoolgirl.  

oooOooo

Despite the accumulated fatigue and the relatively late night out with Harry and the others, Chakotay had woken up to the first sunbeams lighting up the walls of his bedroom. While he had always enjoyed the experience of living in space, waking up with the sun was one of the simple pleasures of being planetbound. As he watched the sun rise over San Francisco and far away hills, standing by the wide window with a hot cup of coffee in his hand, a profound peace settled over him as he absorbed daylight. He had slept remarkably well, considering all of the excitement of the last few days, and he felt more rested than he had in weeks.

Once the sun was higher on the horizon, he busied himself with unpacking some of the most pressing boxes. Around 8 am, he decided Kathryn must be awake and ready for breakfast by now, and he made his way to her quarters. Once there he took in a bracing breath, then chimed her doorbell. And waited. 

And waited. 

He was about to ring it again when the door opened, only to reveal a very sleepy-looking Kathryn Janeway, with slumber in her eyes and her hair in charming disarray. Chakotay bit back a surprised smile at seeing her like this – barely awake and without any of the affectations or layers that she constantly put on as a captain. The sudden intimacy of such a sight brought him back years into the past, when quarantine had forced such intimacy upon them. It was enough to send his heart pounding madly against his ribcage.

Her eyes widened and she self-consciously tidied her hair back and tightened the sash of her robe around her waist. “Breakfast!” she exclaimed as her hand went to her cheek, her expression turning apologetic. “Chakotay, I’m sorry, I seem to have overslept.”

She invited him in with her hand before turning back into her quarters and quickly moved to what he assumed was her bedroom. He, however, stopped following her when she disappeared from his sight, and he was left standing in the middle of the living room.

“No need to apologize,” he said, loud enough for her to hear him from the other room. “I can come back later, if you’d like,” he suggested, feeling a little awkward at the thought that she was probably getting out of her nightclothes in the next room over. Forcing such thoughts out of his mind, he looked around the room. Kathryn’s quarters were much like his, with piles of boxes scattered around some basic furniture and a wide window offering a majestic view of the surrounding cityscape.

“I’ll be out in a minute,” she replied over the sound of running water, “make yourself at home, Chakotay!”

“Okay…” he mumbled to himself as his eyes once again swept around the room. A file folder sitting on top of one of the boxes caught his attention and he made his way curiously, drawn by the colorful piece of paper that stuck out from under its cover. There was a note on the folder, which read: “I thought you might like those to put in your new office.” It was signed “Doctor.”

Glancing once over his shoulder, Chakotay opened the folder and picked up the printed photographs of the crew’s last night on Voyager. Quickly going through the small pile, he smiled at the familiar faces – some happier than others at being photographed – until he reached what he was looking for. The first one was actually the second photo that the Doctor had taken of them both, which showed Chakotay with Captain Janeway, sitting close together and smiling at the camera. Chakotay grinned, it was a good shot of them both. It was the other photo that drew his attention however – because, as he’d suspected, in this one his gaze was turned toward the Captain’s profile, staring at her in a way that Chakotay could only describe as intense with yearning. It would not do for Kathryn to see that one just yet… Once again glancing over his shoulder, he quickly took the picture and slid it into his pocket, before replacing the folder where he had found it.  

He then turned his attention to finding the replicator, and once he did, he ordered some coffee for the both of them.

“How was your night out?” Her muffled voice asked from the other room.

“Oh, kind of shocking, actually.”

“How was it shocking?” She asked curiously, her voice closer than before, and Chakotay turned around to find she was stepping out of her room and walking toward him. She was dressed in her uniform, and his own choice of wearing civilian clothes suddenly felt like a statement of…something: his decision to resign, perhaps, or his desire that she see him for the man, and not just the Commander.

“It was shocking how quickly I realized I’m getting too old for it,” Chakotay replied cheekily as he handed her one of the coffees and she took it gratefully, scoffing in amusement at his words.

“Oh please!” she replied after she’d swallowed, and touched his arm affectionately. 

“It was fun. It was good to see them all so carefree. It’s been a long time coming.”

She nodded, her eyes holding his for a little longer than was usually considered comfortable. Chakotay cleared his throat. “So, breakfast?”

“Yes!”

“Mess hall? Or would you rather go somewhere outside Starfleet Command?”

She made an apologetic face. “I can’t say that I’m looking forward to sharing a table with a bunch of rowdy young cadets, but I’m afraid it’ll have to be mess hall. It turns out I have a lot to take care of today and I can’t really wander off.”

Chakotay invited her to walk ahead of him with his arm and he quickly fell in step with her as they left her quarters. “Is it about that ceremony tomorrow? I heard the message when I got back last night.”

“Yes.”

Chakotay gazed at her expectantly when she said nothing more. 

She grinned. “Sorry, I’d rather keep it a surprise for now.”

Chakotay returned her smile. “Oh. Fair enough. Although I have to say, it seems unfair of Starfleet to ask you to help plan your own welcome home party,” he said as they stepped into the turbolift. 

Kathryn smiled as she leaned back against the wall, cradling her coffee cup in her hand as the turbolift took them down. “It’s not that bad, and it’s the kind of thing I’m happy to help with.”

“Well, let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

She threw him a speculative glance. “Actually, there might be something…”

“Name it.”

“I told Seven – I’m sorry, Annika – I told Annika that I would help her figure out how to transport the regeneration alcoves to her quarters, but I don’t think I’ll be able to do it today. Would you mind…?”

She was watching him intently, and Chakotay kept his expression neutral and open. “Yes of course.” After an additional few seconds, he smiled, answering the unasked question in her eyes. “It’s fine, it’s not like we’re not on speaking terms.”

“Oh, good. Thank you.” She looked down into her cup for a moment, before looking up again. “Does she know…? About…?”

“About my feelings for you?" He asked bluntly, if only to let her know that he'd meant everything he'd told her last night, and that he wasn't going to retract his words. "I think so. Well, I never told her outright, but I believe she knows. Something Future Annika told her, I think.”

Kathryn’s expression turned sarcastic. “Well! That woman sure had a lot to say for a future version of our Seven of Nine,” she drawled with some humor as the turbolift doors opened and they stepped out. 

Chakotay grinned to himself. She had no idea.

oooOooo

Harry’s head was pounding, and the queasiness of his stomach made him regret his decision to come down to the mess hall and try to eat something. The coffee was helping somewhat in clearing his senses, but did not help quiet his revolting stomach. That’s what he deserved after last night, he thought depressingly as he stooped down over his arm and rested his forehead on his forearm.

“Good morning, Harry!”

Chakotay’s chipper voice next to his ear had the dual effect of startling him into an upright position – which didn’t help his queasiness, and generating another round of heavy pounding against his skull. 

“That looks like one hell of a hangover,” another voice drawled sarcastically. He recognized it a millisecond before his eyes even noticed the captain standing next to Chakotay and watching him appraisingly with her hands on her hips. 

Remembering his manners, he jumped to his feet. “Captain! Good morning.”

“You don’t mind if we join you for breakfast, do you Harry?” Chakotay asked with an evil glint in his eyes — because Harry was stuck, and Chakotay knew it. There was no way he could refuse the captain anything.

“Of course not! Please!”

Captain Janeway bit her cheek as if she was trying to stop herself from laughing as she took a seat next to Harry’s chair, and Chakotay sat across from her.

“I thought you said you were getting too old for going out…” Captain Janeway told Chakotay with a crooked grin, before she threw Harry a teasing sidelong glance.

Chakotay grinned as he glanced at Harry mischievously. “You know what the good thing about getting my age is? Wisdom! Learning to know one’s limits. Knowing when it’s a good time to back down from a challenge. That sort of thing.”

Harry groaned inwardly, embarrassed not only to be seen hungover the day after they returned to Earth, but that his captain and her second in command were the ones who’d busted him! The captain was teasing him, but he hoped that deep down she wasn’t disappointed by his behavior. He certainly was!

“Oh I think I’ve learned my lesson, believe me!” Harry replied, still feeling like his insides were going to revolt any moment. “I will never get into a drinking contest with a Vulcan again!”

Captain Janeway’s eyes widened and she almost choked on the coffee she had just sipped from her cup. Chakotay turned his amused gaze toward her as he watched her recover from her surprise.

“Why Mr. Kim!” she said once she’d recovered and Harry inwardly cowered in fear of reprimand. “I am so disappointed... that I missed that!”

Harry’s eyes widened in surprise, and he quickly shook his head. “Oh, no Captain, believe me, you’re not.”

She laughed out loud, and Harry smiled derisively as he met Chakotay’s amused glance. Was it him or were the two of them extra chipper this morning? Not that he would know anything about how they behaved when they met for breakfast, but there was definitely a lot of grinning going around. He only wished it wasn’t at his own expense. 

Captain Janeway squeezed his forearm at last. “Well, so long as you’ve learned your lesson, and that you’re fully recovered by the time we have our meeting this afternoon, you’re off the hook.”

Harry let out a relieved sigh. “Thank you, Captain. And I will. Be fully recovered, I mean.”

“Good. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go get us some breakfast,” she said for Chakotay’s benefit before she stood and walked away, earning some astonished stares from the cadets and officers at neighboring tables.

Harry let out another relieved sigh as he watched her walk away. Chakotay was still looking at him with an amused twist of the eyebrows when Harry looked back at him. “Does your wisdom and experience come with a good cure for hangovers, Commander?”

Chakotay grinned as he took a sip from his coffee. “Water. Lots and lots of water. And whatever happens – chin up, my friend.”

“Well, I don’t think it can get any worse than having the captain find me hungover on our first day back.”

Chakotay threw him a doubtful look, but said nothing more about it. “Are you up to do some work this morning? I might need your help with something.”

“Yes, of course,” Harry replied. “What do you need?”

“We need to work with Seven, well I guess she prefers Annika now, to find a way to transfer the Borg technology from Cargo Bay 2 to her quarters. Especially the regeneration alcoves.”

“Yeah, sure!” Harry replied, brows knitted together as he already started thinking about possible ways to adapt the technologies with Starfleet’s. “We might need to do some tinkering, but-”

“Did I hear anyone say tinkering?” Tom’s voice chimed in from behind Harry, and soon enough Tom and B’Elanna were standing next to their table, Miral carefully tucked in B’Elanna’s arms. “That sounds like a job for us.”

Harry groaned inwardly at how not hungover Tom looked. At that moment he had a rather uncharitable thought directed at Mr. Tuvok, for going with the game without telling Harry that Vulcans were not affected by alcohol in the same way as humans. If that was his way to teach him a lesson about humility or moderation – he had succeeded. 

Miral started to get a little agitated against her mother’s shoulder and Chakotay held out his arms. B’Elanna didn’t hesitate before transferring her daughter to Chakotay’s arms. 

“Yes, if you’re not busy this morning, we could definitely use your help! We’ll probably need the Doctor’s expertise as well,” Chakotay replied as he gently bounced the baby – almost instantly calming her. She looked tiny against Chakotay’s broad chest.

At that moment, Captain Janeway returned with a tray full of food and set it down on the table. Harry would never know whether it was the sight or the smell – or the combination – that did it. The only thing he knew for sure – as he sprang to his feet and dashed to the nearest trash can – was that he had been horribly wrong: there was one thing worse than having your captain find out you were hungover – and that was having your captain watch in surprise as you threw up your last meal – and your dignity.

oooOooo

After breakfast, which they spent resisting further teasing Harry Kim, Chakotay and the senior officers parted ways with the captain and soon met with Annika and Icheb before arranging to transport aboard Voyager. Chakotay had to admit, it was at once comforting and bittersweet to be back aboard. Yet, he realized as he focused on his task that part of him had already moved on, that in the hours since they had transported back to Earth, he had started to put Voyager to rest in his heart. It didn’t spur from some kind of desire to forget about their journey, on the contrary, it was about committing everything, every adventure, every challenge, every sacrifice, to memory in order to look to the future. That didn’t mean that he didn’t feel a small pang of sadness as he walked familiar corridors, but rather that he was now looking forward. And if things continued to progress in the direction they had taken, he had a lot to look forward to.

The team quickly organized into smaller units and Chakotay volunteered to watch Miral, since the technological aspects of their task somewhat went over his head – however he could still supervise while keeping an eye on the baby. 

As Miral stared up at him and the ceiling lights with wide, curious eyes, Chakotay was reminded of her fate in the alternate timeline, and once again felt the overwhelming urge to protect her. It was amazing that such a small creature could generate such powerful feelings, yet he wouldn’t have it any other way.

Time flew by as they all worked, and by the time they had to transport back to Earth for the meeting with the admiral, they had made some progress on theories, but not so much on practice yet. Annika and the Doctor had deemed it possible to safely transfer the technology, and now it came down to a matter of bringing together incompatible power sources, or to use Harry’s analogy, how to make a square fit into a circle. The Borg had done it once, however, so they were confident that they would be able to find a solution soon. 

At the appointed time, they rejoined Captain Janeway and Tuvok – who looked as he usually did, earning a vengeful glance from Harry – and made their way to the meeting. 

As Chakotay expected, the meeting was mostly about the next day’s celebration scheduling details and he found himself zoning out a couple of times. From the look on Harry’s and Tom’s faces, he wasn’t the only one. Kathryn seemed quite enthusiastic about the celebration, however, and he once again wondered what she was concocting that was such a big secret. 

He absent-mindedly touched the photo still in his pocket, wondering if he would ever feel comfortable sharing it with her. She knew about his feelings – well, he conceded to himself, she knew he had feelings, though he hadn’t been very specific about their full extent. However, he wasn’t sure that she was ready to accept what his look in the picture meant: an intense mix of love, desire and longing that he usually barely allowed himself to feel or show in her presence. He knew she'd needed some time to process and he was reluctant to appear too eager, or too forward. Straightforwardness was in his nature, however, and with every minute that passed not knowing what she was feeling, he was getting more impatient to find out what she wanted. 

Well, one thing for sure, he couldn’t do anything while he was still a commander and potentially under her chain of command, so he decided that this was probably the most pressing issue to take care of. Once he was free of a sense of duty to Starfleet, he would be in a position to come to Kathryn as an equal, and properly declare himself. Hopefully by then she’d have had enough time to figure out how she felt about him, and his declaration that he wanted her in his life – and not as his captain.

After the meeting concluded several hours later, Chakotay lingered behind as the rest of the officers made for the door. Kathryn threw him a curious look when she noticed he wasn’t following.

“I’ll catch up with you later. Dinner?” He suggested.

She made an apologetic face and leaned a little closer so she wouldn’t have to speak too loudly. “I would love to, however the admiralty's keeping me busy with meetings all day. Rain check?”

Chakotay nodded, hoping that his disappointment didn’t show in his expression. “Sure, I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

She gave a smile and quietly exited the room, though not without throwing another curious glance between Chakotay and Admiral Hayes.

Once they were alone, the admiral turned to him. “Is there anything I can help you with, Commander?”

“There is.”

The admiral gestured for him to take a seat. “What can I do for you?”

“Actually, Admiral, I wanted to talk to you about my future. You see we former Maquis are in a strange position. I’m aware that my field commission as a Starfleet officer was obtained in the most extraordinary of circumstances, so I was wondering whether Starfleet considered the reinstatement official.”

The admiral widened his eyes in surprise as he considered this. “Well, that is a complicated question, Commander. You and the other Maquis members of the crew jumped over a few of the usual loops – and admittedly that created some resistance among some of my colleagues to the idea that your ranks should be upheld now that you’ve returned.”

Chakotay let out a small smile. “Actually it was a bit of a problem on Voyager at first, too. But Captain Janeway decided to put the emphasis on experience and expertise rather than rank alone. I think it worked out in the end.”

Hayes smiled, though his expression was still pensive. “It would appear so. To answer your question, my own position is that your ranks remain valid. I trust Kathryn’s judgments when it comes to her crew.” He shifted in his seat as his expression turned curious. “May I ask what this is about, Commander?”

Chakotay nodded. “The reason I’m asking is because, well, actually, I intend to resign my commission. Again, I suppose.”

Hayes looked even more surprised than before. “Please tell me you’re not considering going to the Cardassian border – again? You gave a very convincing speech yesterday, I’d hate to learn that you didn’t mean it.”

Chakotay gave a small smile, slightly surprised to realize that Admiral Hayes not only remembered that Chakotay had once been part of Starfleet, but also that the Maquis was why he’d quitted the first time. “No, I meant what I said. This time my motives for resigning are much more personal. And peaceful. I’d like to teach.”

“Teach?”

“Anthropology, as a matter of fact.”

“I see. Well, Mr. Chakotay, you seem to have made your decision, but why come to me? A resignation doesn’t require authorization from a superior officer – just a pile of paperwork.”

“I suppose I wanted to make sure that I was going through the proper channels, and not just assume that my reinstatement was officially recognized by Starfleet.”

“Out of curiosity, does Captain Janeway know about your intent?”

“She does.”

“And what does she think of your resignation? She spoke so highly of you, I doubt it made her happy.”

“Well, it’s not my place to speak for her, but I believe she respects my decision, and my reasons for resigning.”

“She respects them, but does she agree?”

Chakotay couldn’t help but smile – clearly Admiral Hayes had pegged Kathryn down rather well. “With all due respect to Captain Janeway, and I have a tremendous amount of respect for her as a leader and as a person, this is not a case where her rank and authority would have any influence on my actions. This is my decision, and she is aware that, in this instance at least, she can’t tell me what to do. Luckily she respects me enough not to try.”

“I see. Well, Mr. Chakotay, I am sorry that your reinstatement was not of a more permanent nature. We could have definitely used someone like you – we were considering giving you the captain’s chair on Voyager, you know.”

Chakotay shot him a surprised look. It was so similar to what Kathryn had proposed that he wondered whether she’d shared those thoughts with the admiral. “I thank you sir, but I believe Voyager will easily go on without me.”

Admiral Hayes silently watched him a little longer, then nodded. “Very well, then.”

They rose to their feet, and as Chakotay prepared to leave, he halted when the admiral spoke again. “Mr. Chakotay – you mentioned teaching anthropology. I imagine that you would require some official training before obtaining a professorship, am I correct?”

Chakotay nodded, wondering where he was going with this. 

“Well, if you’re interested, in the meantime we could definitely offer you an assignment teaching at the Academy. From what you said it sounds like you’re probably more interested in a civilian learning institution – but I think our cadets could greatly benefit from someone with your experience and interests. At the moment anthropology is not part of any particular program, but we’ve been looking for someone to create a major for a while now. We’ve had guest lecturers over the years, of course – I don’t know if you knew Jean-Luc Picard is an archaeology aficionado himself and he’s given a few lectures here and there – but I think… You might be the man for the task.”

Chakotay couldn’t stop himself from staring at the admiral in surprise. This was even better than he’d imagined. “So long as I can do this as a civilian, and not be directly under the admiralty’s chain of command, that sounds great, Admiral.”

At his words, realization sparked a strange light in the admiral’s eyes, but Chakotay refused to look away and he held his ground as Hayes leveled him with a penetrating look.

“Well…” the admiral replied at last, with a smile. “I’m sure we could arrange that. I respect one’s need for independence and desire to be free of certain…restraints…associated with a hierarchical organization like Starfleet. Am I right in assuming that soon-to-be Admiral Janeway would champion this arrangement?”

Chakotay let a slow smile form on his lips. “I certainly hope so, sir. I certainly hope so.”

oooOooo

Chapter Text

The late afternoon sun blanketed the hundreds of people gathered in Starfleet’s quadrangle for the ceremony with a bright, yellow aura. The rows of officers’ and cadets’ uniforms on one side of the aisle created a stark, orderly contrast with the colorful mix of the guests seated on the other side. Kathryn sat with her crew on the stage Starfleet had set up for the occasion as she listened to various admirals’ speeches. 

Earlier that day they had fired up Voyager’s thrusters for the last time as a crew, and performed the much-anticipated descent into Earth’s atmosphere. Kathryn had smiled at how eager Tom was to comply with her order of: “Alright Tom, time to show her off.”

They had given a one-hour spectacle worthy of the best air shows of the old days, especially when they’d deployed the armor technology from the future and Tom had sent Voyager into a spin after boosting the inertial dampeners. After they were done, they had returned Voyager to the docking station, and the crew had been transported directly back to Earth to get ready for the ceremony, scheduled for a couple of hours later. Kathryn had been the last one to transport, and she’d taken the opportunity to say goodbye to her loyal Voyager, her throat constricted with emotion, but still hopeful that she would get an opportunity to journey with her again before long. 

Now, at Admiral Hayes’ request the crewmembers rose to their feet for the next part of the ceremony – the one Kathryn had been so looking forward to. As she stood next to Chakotay, her eyes absent-mindedly scanned the cheerful crowd. It was a nice sight and- 

Kathryn did a double-take when her eyes unexpectedly fell on a familiar face. She focused her gaze and tensed in shock as she made eye contact with Mark, who sat among the families and friends of her crew. Of course! She had completely forgotten that he was listed as her next-of-kin in her Starfleet personnel file, since her sister had long lived abroad and her mother was still in Indiana. Kathryn could only stare in unexpected alarm as he gave her a subtle head nod.

She felt a warm touch brush against her elbow, and she snapped back to the moment, briefly meeting Chakotay’s concerned gaze before returning her attention to Admiral Hayes’ speech as best she could, clasping her hands behind her back to straighten her shoulders. 

“It is with great pride, that we honor those who, in fulfilling their duty as Starfleet officers, were taken against their will lightyears away from home, with no one to rely on but themselves. The brave crew members – and youngest recruits,” Hayes added with a smile at Naomi and the children proudly standing next to Annika, “aboard Voyager unexpectedly became our representatives in the Delta Quadrant, and they took on this challenge and responsibility in stride – with honor, fortitude, resourcefulness and a love for adventure worthy of Captain Kirk himself.”

Laughter coursed through the crowd, but Kathryn was still too shaken by Mark’s unexpected presence to fully focus. She was not prepared for this! As if sensing her dismay, Chakotay shifted a little closer to her side, and reached out behind her to briefly cover her hands with one of his own. It was subtle enough that anyone watching from the front would think he had his hands clasped behind his back, but Kathryn drew strength and composure from the simple touch. They exchanged a quick glance when he pulled back his hand.

“So today we celebrate the achievements and perseverance of this indomitable crew, who finally made it home, after an awe-inspiring seven-year journey across the galaxy. It is with great pride that I now ask the following crewmembers to step forward to accept a well-deserved recognition of their exemplary service: Ensign Harry Kim, Ensign Samantha Wildman, Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres, Lieutenant Commander Tuvok, Commander Chakotay.”

The stunned expressions of the named crewmembers managed to chase away any leftover traces of uneasiness, and Kathryn grinned, eyes suddenly blurry with unshed tears of pride as they exchanged astonished looks and smiles and took one step forward. Chakotay shot her a questioning glance that seemed to ask ‘what did you do?’ but Kathryn gave him an encouraging nod. Trust me. Squaring his shoulders, he took a step forward with the others. 

The admiral resumed the promotion ritual – pinning the appropriate pips on the officers’ collars, until he reached Chakotay. Meeting his eyes, the admiral paused, then gave a smile before offering not a captain’s pips, but a medal, as a symbol of a special commendation. He pinned it on Chakotay’s chest, who still looked stunned from the unexpected recognition.

When the admiral stepped back the crowd and the rest of the crew erupted in cheers and applause, and Kathryn happily joined in, her pride in her crew so intense that it swelled up another wave of tears in her eyes. When Chakotay threw her a glance, Kathryn was relieved to see a raw mix of pride and gratefulness, and she felt a tear escape from the corner of her eye. And then his expression transformed into The Charmer, and she grinned, wiping the tear away with her fingers.

After the clapping ended, Admiral Hayes went on. “And last but not least, Captain Kathryn Janeway, please step forward.” 

The crowd fell utterly silent in anticipation. Encouraged by the warm look in Chakotay’s eyes and the beaming officers standing next to him, Kathryn inhaled and stepped further onto the stage. “It is with great honor, and pleasure, that I promote you, Kathryn Janeway, to the rank of Vice Admiral,” Hayes said as he smiled down at her and pinned her collar with her stars. “In doing so, we honor your courage, persistence and resourcefulness. Congratulations.”

The crowd cheered loudly again, and Kathryn shared a giddy look with her fellow officers, then turned around to acknowledge the rest of the crew with a slow bow of her head. 

“Thank you all,” Admiral Hayes went on as he tried to shush the cheers. “We now invite you all to join us for the reception in the gardens, we hope to see you all as we give a proper welcome home to these brave individuals. I believe we have some fireworks planned after sundown, so please stick around! Thank you.”

The crowd clapped again, and after a while started to disperse as food and drinks were laid out on various tables in the gardens that flanked the quadrangle.

Heart full near bursting, Kathryn turned back around toward her crew with a shaky breath. It was as if the rest of her crew shared in her slow, emotional sigh – and suddenly the tension broke into elated handshakes and hugs as congratulations were exchanged. Kathryn hugged B’Elanna, Harry and the others as she congratulated them and received the crew’s own best wishes. Before she knew it she was facing Chakotay. They stood staring at each other for a long moment, unmoving, as though still bound by the restraint they were so accustomed to. But then he shook his head at her, smiling, and just barely opened up his arms in a subtle but unmistakable invitation. 

Kathryn took it with a relieved chuckle. Stepping closer she was quickly enfolded in his arms, his warmth, his strength. Her heart fluttered when she noticed that he smelled like home. Her own arms around his neck brought his head close to her shoulder, and she could almost swear that he breathed her in before slowly, almost reluctantly, letting her go again. 

He was smiling and gazing at her warmly when he pulled back, leaning over to extend the privacy of the moment a little longer. She absent-mindedly reached out to touch the medal on his uniform, the colors he would not be wearing for much longer. He’d told her earlier this morning that he had officially submitted his resignation, and was now waiting on Starfleet to make it official. She wondered if he had any regrets.

“Are you alright? What happened earlier?” He asked, his voice for her ears only. “You froze.”

Kathryn shook her head, but she couldn’t help throwing a glance to the spot Mark had occupied earlier. He was no longer there. Had she imagined him? “I thought I saw Mark in the crowd. It… took me aback.”

“Oh. I see.” His smile fell momentarily, but it quickly returned, softer. “You should go talk to him. Admiral,” he added, dark eyes dancing with humor and pride.

“Ha!” Kathryn gave a crooked smile in acknowledgement of his tactical maneuver. “Flattery will get you anywhere.”

He let out a quiet chuckle, before sobering again. “Seriously, Kathryn. Go talk to him, he’s here. And he’s important to you.”

“He was,” she corrected. But then sighed. “Alright,” she conceded as she touched his arm and stepped further back. “I shouldn’t take long, but I’ll meet you later?”

“Take as long as you need. I’ll be right here.”

With one last grateful nod Kathryn stepped down from the stage, and looked on with pleasure at the various reunions that were happening all around her as she made her way through the crowd.

~0~

Harry stepped down from the stage with Tom and B’Elanna as they joked about the promotion and teased Tom about no longer outranking Harry. Although Harry knew that his legs were taking him into the garden, at the moment he felt like he was floating! A promotion! He could still hardly believe it! Captain – Admiral Janeway had certainly kept her cards close to her chest!

“Don’t get overexcited, I still outrank you, Starfleet,” B’Elanna warned with a grin that belied her tone. And then she turned to Tom, as if she’d just realized something. “And now I outrank you! Oh this is going to be so much fun…!”

Harry laughed at the look on Tom’s face, and he almost missed the feather-light touch on his shoulder.

“Harry?”

Still grinning, Harry turned around – and stared at the familiar, grinning, faces. 

“Mom! Dad!” Finally shaking off his astonishment – how had he not known that they were coming? Was this also Admiral Janeway’s doing? – he jumped into motion and stepped into his mother’s open arms. From the corner of his eye he saw Admiral Janeway walk past them and meet his gaze with a bright smile and small nod. Harry returned it, eyes blurry with unshed tears, then moved to shake his father’s hand. To his surprise, his father pulled him into a hug as well. 

“Welcome back, son!”

~0~

“And now I outrank you! Oh this is going to be so much fun…!” B’Elanna grinned as she took in Tom’s not-entirely-feigned apprehensive expression and held out her arms so that Tom would return Miral to her arms.

“Harry?”

B’Elanna watched with an emotional grin as Harry’s parents welcomed him back, and unconsciously tightened her grip on Miral, but eventually pulled on Tom’s sleeve to give Harry some privacy. 

Tom kept watching from over his shoulder as they moved away, grinning from ear to ear. “Wow, he looks so happy!” he said as he returned his attention forward. They met with Seven – who apparently now preferred to be called Annika – and she greeted them with a nod even as she kept a watchful, motherly eye over Icheb and the other children as they walked, amazed, not too far from her. 

“Congratulations, Lieutenant Commander,” she greeted B’Elanna. She fell in step with them and clasped her hands behind her back as they slowly walked toward the garden. 

“Thank you. To be honest, I wasn’t even sure my rank was officially recognized by Starfleet, so this is a nice surprise.”

Tom gave a shrug. “It was probably the Captain’s – sorry, the Admiral’s doing.”

“Did you know she had accepted a promotion?” B’Elanna asked, letting her astonishment reflect in her question.

Tom shook his head, but Annika gave a brief nod. “She mentioned something to that effect two days ago.”

“Did she say why? For some reason I’m having a hard time picturing Janeway with a desk job.”

“She didn’t,” Annika replied.

“Can you blame her? Her last assignment didn’t exactly turned out the way she’d intended,” Tom pointed out.

“Of course I can’t blame her, but I’m surprised! I know she secretly loved it all – the challenges, the exploration... And what does that mean for Voyager?” B’Elanna asked, admittedly surprised to find herself concerned about what would happen to their ship. 

“We’ll need a new captain, I guess,” Tom answered.

They fell silent as they considered this and stopped walking when they realized they had reached the garden area.

At last Annika spoke again, her voice now just over a whisper. “I find myself uncertain as to how to proceed in this kind of social event,” she admitted as she looked around curiously, if a little apprehensively. 

Tom chuckled. “Nobody knows, that’s what makes it so awkward, and so much fun to watch.”

Annika frowned in confusion. “I see.”

“Tom!” A male voice with a distinctive authority called their attention to their right. 

B’Elanna felt Tom stiffen next to her as Admiral Paris made his way through the crowd to meet up with them. Balancing Miral against one shoulder, she took Tom’s hand and gave it a squeeze. He gave her a grateful smile.

“Dad,” Tom greeted, as he used his free hand to shake the older man’s hand. 

“Congratulations on the promotion, Helena,” he said, and before Tom had a chance to jump at the man’s throat for the mistake on her name, B’Elanna smiled graciously. The irony that the half-Klingon was the one showing restraint wasn’t lost on her as her hand in his kept Tom still. 

“Thank you sir, and it’s B’Elanna.”

“Oh of course. Well, I’m sure the promotion is well deserved. Admiral Janeway certainly believes so.”

An awkward silence fell between them, but suddenly Miral started to fidget against B’Elanna’s shoulder, and she saw an opening. “I think this little one could use a change of arms, Admiral?” she asked as she placed Miral into his stunned arms – his expression as still as a statue. B’Elanna bit back a grin, but in the end smiled when she saw how Miral settled into her grandfather’s arms without a fuss. 

Admiral Paris’ bewildered and slightly alarmed expression slowly transformed into one of wonder and B’Elanna exchanged a quick glance with Tom. Very carefully, the admiral brought Miral closer to his chest and touched her hair, before looking up at them with a bright smile. 

The change in his usually severe expression was so stark that Tom actually chuckled. “She likes you,” he said, smiling as his father melted a little bit more every second. 

“What a good girl, she is,” Owen Paris said almost too quietly for B’Elanna to hear. 

She grinned. “She’s happy to be home,” she said, exchanging a long, meaningful look with Tom.

~0~

“Nobody knows, that’s what makes it so awkward, and so much fun to watch.”

Annika frowned in confusion at Tom Paris’ reply. “I see.”

The couple was promptly distracted when an older gentleman Annika recognized as Tom’s father approached them. Annika put her arm around Mezoti’s shoulders as she led the children further toward the food laid out in what Terrans described as a buffet. She spotted Chakotay standing with Tuvok and Admiral Hayes a short distance away, plates in their hands. Chakotay spotted her and waved her over. 

She was about to comply, when a gentle female voice caught her attention.

“Annika? Annika Hansen?”

Annika turned on her heels and did a double-take as she recognized her father’s sister from the few video conversations they had engaged in over the last few months. “Irene Hansen,” she breathed, her surprise too great to allow further thought or movement.

“Yes, it’s me!” the older woman replied, her hand instinctively resting on her own chest as if to regulate her own breathing, an emotional smile on her face. 

“I- Please forgive me, how did you…?”

Irene Hansen smiled kindly. “How did I find out about this ceremony? I got a message from Starfleet a few days ago. I hope you’re not upset that I came, I was just so looking forward to talking to you in person!”

“No, of course,” Annika shook her head, still recovering from her surprise.

Irene smiled and her gaze moved to the children standing next to Annika. 

“And you must be the young people Annika has spoken so much about. It’s a pleasure to meet you all!”

The children responded with a varying degree of shyness and willingness to trust, but Annika smiled encouragingly at them. “This is my father’s sister, Irene.”

The younger children mumbled a hello but Icheb stepped forward and extended his hand in the way that Chakotay had taught him several weeks ago. “It’s a pleasure, ma’am,” he said and Irene’s smile widened. 

While Annika herself was still trying to make sense of the last few days’ events and what Voyager’s return to Earth meant for her personally, she realized that her aunt would make a suitable and trustworthy caretaker for the younger children, when Annika decided to set her plan into motion.

The answer to her question had been waiting for her here all along.

~0~

“Well, Mr. Chakotay,” Admiral Hayes said once the usual pleasantries were exchanged, “your resignation has been officially accepted, and is effective immediately.” Chakotay nodded and shook the admiral’s hand, surprised by how conflicted this made him feel – for better or for worse, he had liked wearing the uniform and the sense of purpose that had come with it, and he knew that a part of him would miss it sometimes. Yet, he had so much to look forward to as a civilian that this positive feeling almost completely overtook the other.

The medal on his chest caught the late afternoon sunlight and he smiled to himself as he glanced at it. It was a subtle compromise on Kathryn’s part (because he had no doubt that the honor originated from her), her way of acknowledging his decision to move on from Starfleet, while rewarding his service, regardless. For a moment he’d been afraid that she’d promoted him to captain despite his insistence that he didn’t want it, but he should have known better.

“I was unaware that you intended to leave Starfleet, Commander,” Tuvok chimed in with an expression that was almost surprised. 

Chakotay nodded, smiling. “I’ve decided I’ve had enough exploration for a while. I’m happy to pass on the torch to more worthy officers, like yourself,” he added squeezing Tuvok’s shoulder.

“That is kind of you to say, Mr. Chakotay.”

Chakotay bit his cheek to refrain from grinning. “Just Chakotay, Tuvok.”

Tuvok bowed his head. “As you wish.”

“Is your family not here to greet you?” Chakotay asked as his eyes swept around the garden, where families and friends were reunited in sounds of laughter and sights of happy tears. He’d been touched to witness Harry’s reunion with his parents, as well as Sam Wildman’s reunion with her husband, and Naomi with her father. A part of him was curious about Kathryn and wondered how it was going with her ex-fiancé, but he forced himself not to give in to his overprotective impulse to find her amidst the crowd, and give her the space she needed.

Tuvok shook his head. “They are waiting for me on Vulcan. I am to join them next month.”

Chakotay smiled. “I’m sure they’ll be pleased to see you.”

Tuvok nodded again. “As I will be pleased to see them.”

“To happy reunions,” Admiral Hayes toasted as he raised his glass. 

“Hear, hear.”

~0~

Kathryn finally spotted Mark’s tall frame as he stood talking with other guests at the far edge of the quadrangle. Fighting the strange trepidation that clenched her stomach, she squared her shoulders and put her metaphorical captain – admiral – mask on before she approached him. His interlocutors saw her first and they smiled their congratulations. Mark turned to face her and he froze for a second before shaking himself and giving her an uncertain smile. 

“Kathryn.”

The two people Mark was chatting with bowed their goodbye and promptly joined another group’s conversation, leaving them alone. “Mark.”

“It’s good to see you!” He blurted out as if spurred into motion and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “You look well!” He added as his gaze scanned her face just as much as she was studying his. He was still a handsome man and the same person she had known, yet the thinning hair and additional lines on his face reminded her how much time had passed since she had last seen him, since she had been in love with him. The realization struck her, yet it didn’t surprise her as much as she would have thought. This certainty that her romantic feelings were gone, this knowledge, helped her keep her composure during this very strange reunion.

“Thanks, so do you, Mark.”

“Congratulations – on the promotion.” 

“Thank you.” Looking around, this felt like too public a space, so she gestured for him to walk with her and they took a leisurely pace as they moved away from the mingling crowd, where they could talk without being overheard. 

“So getting this invitation must have come as a surprise,” she drawled wryly, seeing him nod from the corner of her eye. “I apologize for that. Not that I’m not happy to see you – but I didn't mean to make it awkward. Apparently Starfleet invited all of my crew’s next of kin, and it didn’t occur to me that I’d never updated my file while I was in the Delta Quadrant. Well, there was no real need for it, then. It wasn’t really a priority.” 

He shook his head, brows knitted together. “It’s okay. Really. I’m glad I could make it today. It was a moving ceremony. And to be honest, I think I needed to be here.” He sighed as he gazed down at her, his expression softening. “I was so relieved to hear from you when you sent me that message a few years ago… For a long time I’d thought you were lost forever.”

Kathryn smiled derisively. “Well, to be honest, I thought I was too, for a while.”

“So, how was it? It sounds so incredible, everything you’ve gone through… What was it like?”

Kathryn considered his question for a moment, then shook her head. “You know it’s funny; for the longest time all I longed for was to tell you everything, and share this journey with you, but now I realize… that’s not our relationship anymore.”

He winced and looked away.

“I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty for moving on, in fact I’ve moved on myself. I have no intention of coming back into your life, or of making this difficult for you.”

“Seeing you today kind of makes me wish you would.”

“Mark…” Kathryn warned.

“I know it’s not possible. And you’re right – while you were away, I couldn’t live with the constant worry and not knowing, so yes, I moved on eventually. I hope you can forgive me for that.”

“I already have, Mark. I could never blame you for moving on.”

“I’m sure there were times when you thought you wouldn’t make it back and sought comfort in someone else?”

“Actually no. Well, it's only when I got your letter that I realized I should move on too,” she added softly, as if to herself. “But that doesn’t matter now. What’s done is done. So what made you come today?” Kathryn asked to veer the conversation to safer grounds. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you hadn’t.”

“I suppose, to see for myself, to make sure that you were really okay. Despite what happened, I’ll always care for you, Kath. You know that.”

Kathryn nodded, but kept her gaze resolutely away. She reciprocated the sentiment, however her instincts told her to stay guarded, so as to not give him any reason to hope. Not that he expected her to come back to him, she could tell that he didn’t, but it was tempting to wonder about the what-ifs, even if they were meaningless. The memory of Chakotay sitting across from her at the restaurant table with that intense, vulnerable expression on his face as he told her that his heart had long been hers, sprang to her mind unbidden. It reminded her of her future, the future she wanted, and she relaxed. She wouldn't let Mark and bygones be a threat to that future. 

“By the way, Mollie will be excited to see you. If you want her back, the least I can do is hand her back to you.”

Kathryn’s heart leapt in unexpected joy. “Oh, how is Mollie?”

They spoke about the dog and her litter for a while, and it felt good to come back to common ground, to a topic they could talk about without the fear of misunderstanding or innuendo. After some debate about who should take her, they decided to let Mollie make the decision herself. After all Mark had been her caretaker for a long time now, and Kathryn didn’t want to traumatize her any more than she already had. 

Talking about Mollie had brightened Kathryn’s spirits, and Mark noticed. “You seem happy.”

Kathryn drew in a long breath as she took in her surroundings: her crew being reunited with friends and family, the sound of laughter and music filling the air, the warmth of the lowering sun on her face, and the knowledge that somewhere close, Chakotay was waiting for her.

“You know, I believe I am! You?”

“I’d say I’m… content.” They were silent for a moment, and then he cleared his throat, his tone now teasingly curious. “So, you mentioned moving on… Anyone special in your life? Anyone sweep you off your feet in the Delta Quadrant?” He asked with a teasing smile, which Kathryn appreciated for its honesty and courage. She knew it couldn’t have been easy for him to ask.

She smiled to herself and looked away so he wouldn’t see her expression. “Well wouldn’t you like to know.”

“That dark-haired fellow who was decorated today, perhaps?”

Kathryn threw him a surprised glance. 

He chuckled. “I know you, Kath. I noticed how instinctively you leaned into him. Oh don’t worry,” he added at her embarrassed expression. “It was very subtle. I doubt anyone else picked up on it. I’m happy for you. Truly.”

She nodded, still a little embarrassed that he had figured it out so quickly. “It's a recent development, in fact it’s still in development,” she admitted with a flustered chuckle. “Chakotay was my first officer and closest friend and I-” She stopped herself when she recalled whom she was talking to, and cleared her throat. “It's complicated. He's important to me – crucial, in fact, and I don’t want to rush into anything without making sure that he’s not going to get hurt in the process. I was his captain for so long that’s it’s not necessarily easy to just let go of that history.”

Mark frowned as he stared at her curiously. 

“What?” She asked when she noticed his reaction.

He gave a shake of the head. “Nothing, I just – maybe we've both changed, but I’ve never known you to play it so cautiously before.” At her indignant look, he raised his hands defensively. “I’m just saying, from what I recall patience is not your strongest virtue, it never has been. Let’s face it, your brilliant mind likes a quick fix as much as it likes a good puzzle, Kathryn.”

“And you’re not trying to be insulting?”

“Look, I don’t know this man,” he said, sobering, “and I realize you’re just trying to be thoughtful. But let me caution you, as a friend: he may have been your subordinate on your Voyager, but no one likes to be patronized and I suspect he wouldn’t either, not if you’re going to be equals in this relationship. So maybe you’re the one who needs to get used to that change in the power dynamics – and not him. Maybe you're the one afraid of getting hurt.”

Kathryn stared at him half-indignant and half-astounded at how much he seemed to understand Chakotay despite the fact that he had never even met him. That’s when she realized: he was speaking from experience. Had she truly been this patronizing with him? She had, she realized with a sinking feeling. 

Kathryn’s gaze softened as it dawned on her that he was right – about everything. She had really been trying to protect herself; from her feelings for Chakotay, from the knowledge that she couldn’t live without him, from the fear and vulnerability that came with this knowledge. She knew with every fiber of her body that Chakotay wouldn’t have declared himself unless he knew with absolute certainty that this was what he wanted. So all along it had been her feelings, her heart, that she’d been protecting, not his. 

“Oh Mark,” she whispered as she stopped walking. “How did you even put up with me all these years?”

His gaze softened as well as he looked down at her with a small smile. “Nobody’s perfect, Kath. But you come pretty close,” he added with a teasing smile before he sobered slightly. “I feel privileged knowing you, and calling you a friend.”

Kathryn squeezed his forearm gratefully. “Thank you for coming today.”

He gave a nod. 

“And for telling me things I didn’t want to hear.”

“That’s what friends are for, right?”

Kathryn let a lopsided smile touch her lips as she started stepping away. “Then you won’t mind me telling you – that haircut? Not your best look.”

He was stunned for a second, but then laughed, and Kathryn walked away armed with newfound determination: she had to find Chakotay.

oooOooo

Chapter Text

Equipped with newfound determination, Kathryn quickly returned to the quadrangle in search of Chakotay. For the first time, she felt ready and eager to talk about their future. It was ironic to think that it was Mark who had made her face up to her fears – but she supposed she had unknowingly needed that kind of closure in order to move forward. 

As Kathryn attempted to weave her way back from the far end of the quadrangle to the garden area closest to the stage, however, she kept getting accosted by acquaintances from Starfleet, and sometimes by her crew, who wished to introduce their family members to her. While Kathryn appreciated the sentiment, the constant interruptions jarred with the new sense of urgency that her conversation with Mark had kindled in her. Kathryn had to force herself to be patient and take an interest in her interlocutors. 

Lieutenant Barclay was one of the first to accost her, and Kathryn smiled at him and his companion, a beautiful woman with striking dark eyes that Janeway recognized as the Enterprise’s Betazoid counselor. Lieutenant Barclay was quick to congratulate Kathryn on her promotion, and comment on how moving the ceremony was, and how fantastic her crew looked, up on the stage. As she half-listened Kathryn couldn’t help but steal some searching glances over his shoulder to see if she could pinpoint Chakotay’s location, even though she knew he was probably too far to be able to spot.

At some point she noticed that Counselor Troi was watching her curiously with a subtle but knowing smile – and Kathryn realized her feelings had betrayed her to the empath. Guiltily she focused her attention back on Lieutenant Barclay’s praise of Admiral Hayes’ speech. Counselor Troi gently interrupted Barclay with a hand on his arm and his elocution faltered to a stop. 

“Reg,” she said, her voice gracefully lilting with her accent. “I’m sure Admiral Janeway has many people to say hello to, we shouldn’t monopolize her attention.”

Barclay stared back at Kathryn in horror. “Oh yes of course! Forgive me Admiral!”

Kathryn gave him a genuine smile. “It’s quite alright, Lieutenant, but I’m afraid Counselor Troi is right. However I’m sure we’ll have more time to catch up in the future. I’d certainly love to hear more about Pathfinder.” He seemed pacified and Kathryn exchanged a grateful smile with Counselor Troi. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Counselor. And please, give my best wishes to Captain Picard when you next see him.”

Deanna Troi gave a bright smile. “Of course, Admiral. Welcome home.”

Relieved, Kathryn stepped away. However she was barely able to take five steps before the Doctor, who was surrounded by a number of bright-eyed medical cadets, spotted her and called her over. Taking in a calming breath, Kathryn plastered another smile onto her face even as her eyes continued to search the crowd. She engaged in conversation with the Doctor and the cadets for a while, but, much to Kathryn’s amusement, it soon became obvious that the Doctor enjoyed the cadets’ devoted attention, and it was easy for Kathryn to eclipse herself from his gloating about this and that achievement.

The other people she ran into were vague acquaintances who only stopped her for congratulations or a couple of well-intentioned questions about the Delta Quadrant, or how she had apparently pacified the Maquis, or even some inquiries about Seven of Nine and her role on her crew. Kathryn answered them all as patiently as she could, but she could almost feel Chakotay’s patience waning (though there was probably a little projection on her part there) as she stood among strangers, nodding graciously and smiling so much her jaw muscles were starting to hurt. 

She had to admit, the timing of her epiphany about her feelings was terrible! On a normal day, she would have actually enjoyed this reception, the reunion and the small talk, but at the moment she had only one thought on her mind: find Chakotay.

By the time she made it back by the garden area where she’d left him, the sun had almost completely disappeared over the horizon, and lamps and outdoor string lights illuminated the garden and created a festive and comfortable atmosphere for the remaining crowd. Some people had obviously left, but the garden was still packed with chattering groups of people holding drinks and plates. Much to Kathryn’s dismay, no matter where she looked, there was no Chakotay to be found. She spotted Tuvok engaged in conversation with Lieutenant Ayala and she approached them. 

“Excuse the interruption, gentlemen, have you seen Chakotay?”

Ayala nodded. “Ah yes, he took off a while ago, I overheard him say something about waiting long enough, or enduring this for long enough, or something like that…”

Kathryn’s heart sank. Was it possible that he had in fact lost his patience with her? Or that he believed her to still be interested in Mark? Had he misunderstood her somehow? It was hard to believe, but the thought terrified her nonetheless and she felt a rise of irrational fear grip her heart. “Do you know where he went?” She asked as she tried not to let her sudden panic show in her expression.

“He went back in the direction of the Academy, I’m guessing back to his quarters.”

Kathryn nodded as she took a step back. “Thank you, gentlemen.”  She turned on her heels and hurried through the gardens, throwing distracted, admittedly not-entirely-sincere smiles at those who waved or smiled at her. 

Tom waved her over as she whisked past him. “Captain Janeway! Sorry, Admiral, I have a message for you from-”

“Not now Tom!” Kathryn replied as she kept walking. As soon as she was out of the garden area and clear from sight of most onlookers, she upped her pace until she was practically jogging – driven by the uncontrollable fear that she was too late. It couldn’t be, yet her stomach knotted painfully at the possibility. Her heels echoed loudly on the concrete beneath her feet as she hurried across Starfleet grounds and to the building that housed their temporary quarters. 

By the time she reached its great hall and stepped into the turbolift, she was hot from the fast pace, her heart beating wildly in her chest. Even though the temperatures were cool and comfortable inside, Kathryn unbuttoned the top of her uniform and fanned her face in brisk, nervous movements. 

After what felt like an eternity, the turbolift stopped and Kathryn stepped out as she hurried through the now familiar corridors. When she reached Chakotay’s quarters, she raised her hand to chime the doorbell, but at the same moment the door opened and Chakotay almost collided with her when he stepped out. 

“Kathryn!” His arms came up to her upper arms as if to keep her upright as he gave her a surprised glance-over. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”

“You left,” she stated, her tone more surprised than accusatory as she willed her breathing under control. Her heart was still pounding madly against her ribcage, though she guessed by this point it was more from the adrenaline rush that pulsed through her veins at the sight of him, than from exertion. 

He frowned a little, but a small smile curved his lips. “I just came back to change, I told Tom to let you know I’d be back if he ran into you. My resignation is now official, and for some reason the uniform suddenly felt itchy against my skin. I figured I had endured the sensation long enough,” he told her jokingly.

Kathryn stared at him. She vaguely remembered Tom trying to let her know something, but in her hurry she had brushed him off. The rest of his words reached her brain and she suddenly took in his civilian patterned shirt and how handsome the coloring and design made him look. He had pinned the medal on the front pocket, proudly showing it off despite the lack of uniform underneath. She touched it distractedly, and felt his sharp intake of breath under her fingers. Now Ayala’s comment made more sense, and Kathryn’s panic was slowly replaced by embarrassment. 

She gave a flustered chuckle, shaking her head. “I thought… Never mind," she added, patting the spot on his chest her hand had been resting on.

When she looked back up he was gazing at her intensely but with a hint of amusement. “What did you think?” He pressed gently. 

She shook her head again. “That, maybe you’d run out of patience and got tired of waiting for me to come back to you,” she said on a derisive chuckle, trying to keep her tone light and playful, even though it was the truth.

“I’m a pretty patient man,” he replied, eyes still twinkling with a mischievous glint. Oh how she loved that gleam in his eyes!

She gave him a crooked smile, her eyebrows curving upward. “I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had tired of waiting… I have been rather slow to respond to you, haven't I?”

Chakotay looked like he wasn’t sure how to respond, so Kathryn saved him from it.

“No, don’t say it, I know.” She let out a sigh. “Can I come in?” 

His eyes shot to her face with a battling mix of surprise, eagerness and a touch of dread. “Of course,” he replied as he stepped aside and let her go in first. “Excuse the mess, I’m still unpacking.” His quarters already smelled like him, she noticed distractedly as she walked past him and into his living room. 

“Remember a few years ago, I told you I couldn’t imagine living a day without you?” She asked as she whirled around to face him. 

He had followed her in, but he had stopped advancing so that there were now several steps of empty, charged space between them.

He gave a small nod, his hands on his hips. “I remember.” He looked down and Kathryn saw a version of The Charmer curve his lips. “To be honest I wasn’t sure you did.”

Kathryn’s expression softened. Had she really been this aloof recently that he had doubted her affection? That he’d been, somehow, blind to how deeply she'd come to love him? How essential he had become to her? No wonder he’d decided to move on with someone else. 

“I realized something today." She placed her hands on her hips and started pacing, her eyes never leaving his face. “I realized that, even though I meant it back then, I didn’t really know what it meant, or the extent of the truth of it." She frowned in discomfort as the next words formed in her mind. “But when I discovered about you and Seven, I was suddenly faced with the reality of it; the reality of having taken too long, of having to go on day after day without you, and then I really knew what that meant.”

“Kathryn-” he started as he took a step toward her, his expression apologetic, but Kathryn stopped him with a raised hand. 

“I’ve been hiding,” she blurted out, suddenly feeling breathless, “behind my rank, my responsibilities, and behind our return home. But that stops now, because I know now, that not only can't I imagine living without you, I can't bear it – it's like trying to breathe without oxygen. I don’t want to live another day without you, Chakotay. Not without knowing that we’d be there, together, at the end of the day. Because I want you in my life too, Chakotay. Desperately. And not just as friends or colleagues either.”

His gaze held hers intensely for a long moment while he stood perfectly still. Kathryn’s breath caught in her throat while she waited, seemingly on the brink of some vast and unknown expanse.

Just when the silence stretched so thin that Kathryn could almost feel it making her skin tingle with anticipation, he exhaled and started into motion – bridging the gap between them in wide, determined strides. Before she knew it his hands came up to cup her cheeks and his lips descended on hers and their bodies clashed and her arms circled his neck and her fingers raked through his hair. His lips were warm and demanding and Kathryn pulled him down closer, hungry for more, needing more, and he deepened the kiss in answer, stealing a moan from deep in her throat. His hands moved and trailed down from her cheeks to her shoulders, and moved to circle around her back in order to bring her fully into his arms and Kathryn sighed against his mouth. Their lips parted for a brief moment before Kathryn changed the angle of her head and kissed him hungrily again. Her heart soared and her veins burned with a feverish need to get closer, to show him the depth of her feelings. 

He, however appeared to have a different idea; he slowed down after a few breathless moments. She felt his lips curve against hers. She pulled back just enough to be able to look at him, their noses touching and their shallow breaths intermingling between them. His eyes were closed but he was smiling, his brows knitted together, and warmth diffused all over Kathryn’s heart. Then he chuckled softly and she pulled back a little bit more, her own lips contagiously turning into a curious smile. 

He opened his eyes and, seeing the inquisitive slant of her eyebrow, decided to satisfy her curiosity. “I thought maybe you’d come here to define parameters again,” he whispered teasingly as one of his fingers came up again to touch her cheek.

Kathryn let out a small, breathless chuckle at the memory. They had come so far since then. “No parameters. Just us. Just this.” She sighed and touched his jaw with the tips of her fingers. 

His smile widened into a dimpled grin. “Good.”

They shared a long look, until he slowly leaned in to kiss her again, as though giving her time to change her mind. Kathryn pressed her lips to his instead. This time the kiss was slow and tantalizing and his touch on her back and ribcage became loving and exploratory and arousing rather than desperate, and Kathryn felt herself melt against him, her cells burning with a fever she hadn’t felt in a long time. She pressed herself even more into his body and sighed as their bodies came into full contact. He paused on a gasp, but Kathryn held his dark eyes and kissed him again, and slowly started pushing him backward. 

He understood her intent and, eyes sparkling with a new kind of gleam, he pulled back far enough to take her hand, and guide her to the bedroom.

oooOooo

If paradise exists, it surely can't be better than this.

The thought forced itself into Chakotay’s mind some time later as he half-sat against the headboard of his bed, with Kathryn tucked against his side, her hand tracing distracted patterns on his chest as she pressed her ear to his heart. He held her close, still slightly puzzled that this was really happening, that this new intimacy between them wasn't a figment of his imagination. That she was really here, in his arms, and actually wanted to be there. He unconsciously tightened his hold on her, resting his cheek against her head and inhaling the familiar scent of her hair and skin. It was all around him now and he never wanted it to evaporate.

“I have to admit, I feel a little guilty – I just abandoned the crew to their own devices,” Kathryn drawled. Her voice was sleepy but its familiar lilt of amusement belied her alert state of mind.

Chakotay chuckled and she snuggled closer. “With your promotion they’ll need to get used to it eventually,” he replied teasingly. “We can go back, if you’d like. We could probably make it in time for the fireworks. Besides, I heard your stomach growl earlier.”

Kathryn threw him a bright smile and her hand came up to touch his chin. He caught it with his own and kissed her fingers. “Well, as much as I’d love to stay here like this, I think I’d like that. I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to spend time with the crew before they all go their own way… You don’t mind?”

He smiled, his free hand gently caressing her hair and bare shoulder. “Of course not, we have the rest of our lives to enjoy moments like this, if we want. And if you recall I was planning on returning. Before you ambushed me here,” he added slyly.

Kathryn pushed herself up and threw him an impish grin over her shoulder as she reached for her discarded clothes, doing a masterful job of ignoring his comment about a life-long commitment. “I don’t recall you complaining,” she teased with a raised eyebrow.

“Who’s complaining?” He responded with a quick grin before he caught her waist just as she was about to stand, and pulled her for a brief but intense kiss. She let out a low moan, her hand coming to gently rest on his cheek. Before he got carried away, Chakotay pulled back and smiled at her before he reached for his own clothes.

A part of him was still struggling to wrap his head around the fact that Kathryn had chosen him – especially after he’d all but sent her back to Mark. Admittedly he had taken it as a gamble, and it had worried him a little. After all he had seen firsthand how hard she had taken the news of the man she’d loved moving on. And while he had also witnessed her own attempts at moving on over the years, he knew how hard it could be to face the one that got away, the one who had left such a gaping void inside her heart. As much as the thought had frightened him, however, he had also wanted her to make an informed decision – if she chose him over Mark (or anyone else, for that matter), he wanted the decision to be born of a certainty of her feelings, not because she wouldn’t have gotten the chance to find closure with someone else. 

So when he’d finally found her on his doorstep, her cheeks flushed and her eyes alight with newfound determination, his heart had skipped a long beat before resuming at maddening speed. He hadn’t asked her how the reunion had gone, because frankly he didn’t want to know, but he was still curious about what had happened to suddenly make her face her fears and feelings. Maybe he would ask her, someday.

While he was lost in thought, Kathryn had moved to the mirror to straighten her hair, and that’s when her eyes fell on the photograph that Chakotay had left on the dresser when he’d changed earlier. She walked closer to it, frowning in curiosity as she picked it up.

Chakotay hurried behind her and tried to pry the photo from her fingers, but she was faster and quickly moved out of his reach. “I don’t recall seeing this one before!” Kathryn said as she took in his suddenly sheepish expression. She narrowed her eyes as she recalled the moment the photo had immortalized. “Wait, didn’t you say your eyes were closed? They look quite open to me,” she teased. He tried to grab it again, but she was faster. 

“You told me once I shouldn’t be embarrassed around you – the same goes for you, Chakotay.”

He shifted on his feet. “I am embarrassed, and I’m not sure why – this… it just feels… inappropriate.” At her frown he sighed in frustration. “What I mean is, I had no right to look at you that way. Not then. It’s not becoming of a first officer, wouldn’t you say?”

Kathryn’s smile softened as she looked at the photo again. “Maybe not, but this captain would have understood.” She stepped closer and handed him back the photo. “This captain would have secretly liked to know you looked at her like that.”

He took this in with a small, pleased, nod. “And the admiral?” he asked as he stepped closer. 

“Oh she loves it. But of course there will be times when she’ll try her damnedest not to let it show. So don’t be fooled.”

She was smiling, but he understood the underlying warning not to let her make him believe that she didn’t feel anything for him. Besides, after the intimacy they had just shared, there was no way he could ever doubt the depth of her feelings for him. He gave her a warm, loving look as he studied her beloved features, and smiled at the blush that spread from her cheeks to her neck. That’s when he realized he had given her the exact same look as the one they were discussing.

He cleared his throat with a grin. “Duly noted. We should hurry, or we’ll never make it back in time for the fireworks.”

They finalized their dress and headed out together. Once they were out in the night, they walked briskly against the slight chill that the breeze carried from the Bay. Chakotay relished the warmth of her body as she clung to his arm. 

“What you said earlier… about the rest of our lives…” she started, her expression hidden in the semi-darkness of the city. “Did you mean it?”

Chakotay tensed a little, unsure where she was going with this, but he tugged her closer into his side. The truth was always the best answer, he decided. “Yes.”

“What about your teaching dream? Won’t that take you to another city or even another world?”

“Funny you should ask that,” he replied with a small smile, hoping that what he was about to reveal would please her. “Admiral Hayes has offered me a teaching assignment at the Academy. I’m going to be staying here, in San Francisco. For now at least.”

She stopped walking to better face him, her face half-lit by overhead city lights. “Chakotay, that’s wonderful!”

His smile widened in relief. “I’m relieved you think so. Of course I told him that I would only consider it if they allowed me a certain independence from Starfleet. I don’t want rank and protocols to stand between us anymore.”

“No. Neither do I. I think we're way past that now.” She was silent for a while as she considered this, but then looked back up again, her expression now serious. “But trust me on this, not even differences in rank could outweigh this feeling – no, this knowledge, that you’re my match, Chakotay. In everything, and I love you for it.”

He drew in a long breath before reaching out to touch her cheek. He kissed her softly, intensely, hoping to pour a little bit of himself and all he felt into that kiss.

Kathryn gave him a bright smile when he pulled back, and they resumed walking. 

“Of course my research might take me away every once in a while,” he went on. “But I’m sure there are some scientific curiosities to interest you in Central America,” he added, a teasing smile tugging at his lips. 

“Oh I’m sure.” She nodded. “Beaches, for example, are quite the fascinating thing.”

He laughed out loud, and Kathryn happily joined him. High above, fireworks exploded in fiery multitudes of light and colors, a perfect outward manifestation of the feelings that had for so long been hidden in the darkness of the universe. 

oooOooo

Chapter Text

Stardate 57005.42

“You look tired, Kathryn,” Chakotay said, his voice slightly distorted by the long-range transmission of the video feed, and Kathryn sighed at the screen, resting her chin in her hand as she leaned on her elbow. 

“It’s been a long journey,” she replied at the monitor.

“You left four days ago – not quite a journey to rival with what the crew of Voyager went through,” he commented with a teasing grin. 

Kathryn smiled. “Let me rephrase that: it’s been a long four days – of having the Doctor for sole traveling companion.”

He chuckled. “How’s Tuvok settling into his new command?”

Kathryn grinned. “Well the USS Einstein is a science ship, so it’s not the most challenging for a former chief of security, but I think the command is good for him. Let’s face it, leadership skills were never his strong suit, and I think this has helped. Harry certainly seems to be enjoying himself as his first officer.”

Chakotay chuckled at the picture Kathryn was painting. 

“It was good to see them aboard the Einstein, even though it was only for a few hours,” she added with a sigh. “Annika’s been so worried about keeping the location of her sanctuary secret and safe, the Einstein could only get us so far in order to maintain the secrecy.”

Chakotay’s smile softened empathetically, so Kathryn forced some good humor back into her tone. “Now you look excited!” Kathryn said, changing the subject. Chakotay’s expression brightened, his eyes twinkling with a passionate glint that was usually reserved for her. But now apparently she had a rival: archaeology.

“It’s amazing, Kathryn! Right now I’m just cataloging some of our artifacts and recording my notes, but even though we’ve only been at it for a couple of weeks, I think this find will really advance our knowledge of this area. The students seem to be having a good time. And it’s a beautiful spot, I wish you were here to see it.”

Kathryn sighed again. “Me too. But Annika’s been adamant about how much she’s learned from her latest recruit, and Starfleet’s eager to figure out how we can use his knowledge to our advantage. I want to make sure that it’s not him we take advantage of.”

He gave her a reassuring smile. “Well, Starfleet couldn’t have sent a better person for this job.”

“You bias is showing, there, I’m afraid,” she teased before letting out a soft sigh. “Well, I need to go now, it’s time we make our final descent.” She let out a long breath as her fingers on the screen traced the contours of his face longingly. “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”

He nodded. “I miss you. Give my best to Annika and the others.”

“I will. I love you.”

He smiled. “I love you.”

Kathryn cut the feed and moved back to the main compartment where the Doctor was warming up his singing voice with Nessun Dorma. Kathryn smirked – she happened to like this one, though perhaps she’d like it more if the Doctor weren’t sitting right next to her as he sang it. 

oooOooo

Sunbeams pierced through the vegetation to illuminate the circular and colonnaded pavilion, allowing beams of angled yellow light to fall on the stone floor and the surrounding timber posts. 

Annika had long appreciated this spacious and unenclosed location for its higher propensity to calm its occupants, with the sound of running water nearby, the intoxicating smells of the flowers and vegetation that surrounded them. Taking advantage of such attributes, she had left the area devoid of technology and had strategically placed sofas and other sitting implements so as to inspire meditation. She herself found she now quite appreciated the practice – Chakotay’s and Tuvok’s influence, perhaps – though she had grown into it by herself. Two years ago she would have found the thought of meditation an inefficient use of time, and therefore considered it quite a demonstration of her progress into personhood. The peace that meditation afforded was much appreciated when she returned from her unnerving extraction missions.

“What is your designation?” Admiral Janeway now asked as she stood in the center of the circular structure, hands joined together at her front, and Annika gave the man standing in front of them an encouraging nod. 

He stood tall and strong, his face still somewhat pale, but remarkably improved. Though his features were not as symmetrical as those of other men of her acquaintance, Annika thought he made a strikingly splendid figure, bathed in the fading sunlight. She often wondered if the very short, light brown hair that now covered his cranium was as soft to the touch as it looked. What had struck her first about his appearance, however, even before they had removed his implants, were his eyes – their shape, of course, but mostly the light brown, almost golden, color of his irises. A color she had rarely seen in humans before. Now his startling eyes met Admiral Janeway’s squarely, his jaw set tightly with a determination worthy of any human. 

“Erick. Erick Peihola.”

Admiral Janeway gave an acknowledging nod, a small smile forming on her lips. “And what was your Borg designation?”

Erick stiffened and glanced once again at Annika, then at the others in the room – Tom Paris, who had piloted Erick’s extraction mission, was lounging comfortably, and the Doctor, who stood by the admiral – before returning his gaze to Janeway. “Five of Twelve from Unimatrix Zero Three.”

They had only begun the removal process of his Borg implants two weeks ago, but he was adapting quite rapidly to the changes. Annika hypothesized that the amount of time required correlated with the amount of time one spent as a Borg. Having only spent three earth years as a drone, his humanity was returning to him far more quickly than it had in Annika. He didn’t have to re-learn how to be human, since his memories of his past life were mostly intact. She envied him, sometimes. 

“Thank you, Erick,” Janeway replied kindly. “I needed to ask for my report. Now, Annika tells me you have some knowledge that you wish to share with us.”

“I do. Annika has told me of your actions that led to the destruction of a Borg transwarp hub two years ago. This event has coincided with increasing anarchy within the Collective. With the numbers of the queens dwindling, the Collective has no central, cohesive voice to obey. This has made the assimilation process much more difficult. However, the Borg recently encountered a technology far beyond its current levels. And they are struggling to fully incorporate it within their own technology.”

Janeway’s eyebrows knitted together as she sat down on the nearest sofa and leaned forward eagerly. “What kind of technology?”

Erick straightened his shoulders and held his breath. “Stealth technology.”

At Janeway’s astonished look, Tom nodded. “Yeah, we think this is the technology that Annika – from the other timeline – was using on her shuttle. The one we couldn’t quite fit on Voyager at the time.”

“It is a sensible assumption,” Annika confirmed, “since the event that led to Starfleet recovering this technology – my plan to extricate Five of Twelve – occurred in both timelines.” The older version of herself had also told her that this event, this man, would be important to her. Annika experienced an irritating blush at the thought. She had only known him for two weeks, yet she was starting to accept the truth of it. She had never felt like this before – the feelings were indescribable, yet they were so powerful they occupied her thoughts constantly. However her failed relationship with Chakotay – however misguided – two years prior had made her cautious, and she was determined not to let her feelings overwhelm her this time. If Erick Peihola were to be that important to her, then they would find each other when they were ready. 

“And you’re willing to share this technology?” Janeway asked as she returned her eager attention to Erick.

“I am. Moreover, I believe myself able to alter it so that it will be compatible with Federation vessels.”

Janeway gave him an astonished, measuring glance.

“Admiral, I know you have little reason to trust me, but I have memories of the time before I was assimilated. I was an engineer on my planet, a good one. The Borg ruined my life – killed my family in retaliation of our resistance before they assimilated me and others. I am more than happy to share whatever knowledge I have that would help defeat them.”

Janeway raised an impressed eyebrow. “You’re wrong, Erick – if Annika trusts you, then that’s good enough for me.”

“Wait, back up for a second,” Tom chimed in. “You said the Borg haven’t really assimilated it yet?”

Erick turned his attention to Tom. “That’s correct. The Borg have never been so disorganized. They can hardly proceed to the assimilation of something so complex without a guiding voice.”

Annika nodded. “It does feel like our most recent extractions proceeded with more ease than others – it’s as if the Borg are no longer adapting.”

Admiral Janeway grinned. “Well, ladies and gentlemen, this sounds like an opportunity Starfleet won’t be able to resist. I’ll relay your findings to Starfleet Command right away. Thank you, Erick Peihola,” Janeway said as she stood, nodded to Annika with a pleased smile, and left the pavilion.

Annika let out a small smile as she watched her go. It was good to see the admiral again – the last time had been a few months before, when she and Chakotay had visited her abode for the first time since its inception. Even though the couple’s relationship had only been made truly public for a few weeks by then, Annika had not been surprised to find that being together was as natural to them as breathing. At the time she had somewhat envied their easy camaraderie – not because she still had feelings for Chakotay – but because it had made her realize how lonely her own existence truly was when she scoured the galaxy for extractions. It was a dangerous and solitary path. Yet, she would not complain, for the presence of her aunt, the children, Icheb, and the slowly increasing number of her former Borg rescues within the boundaries of her sanctuary, fulfilled her need for companionship. The people around her, whom she carried with her when she was away, outweighed any real or lasting feelings of loneliness. 

More than that, aboard Voyager she had always felt a kind of pressure to be more human than she felt, as if she had to fulfill a series of particular criteria in order to qualify – but here, with individuals who were going through a similar ordeal as her, she did not have that pressure. She needed only be herself. That alone was liberating in ways she had not expected when she had started this enterprise. 

“Tom,” Annika redirected her gaze to her friend and occasional pilot, “would B’Elanna be willing to interrupt her work with the Klingon to assist in the retrofitting of this technology?” 

The Paris family generally resided on Earth, but when Tom’s piloting skills were needed for greater odds of success, he temporarily relocated to the sanctuary, often bringing his daughter with him. At just over two years old, Miral was already accustomed to dividing her time between Klingon ambassadors and former Borg drones and already showed immense potential for future scientific pursuits. In fact, this aptitude of Miral’s appeared to be a point of playful contention between Janeway and Chakotay – who often tried to guess Miral’s future interests: understanding the social intricacies of life, or explaining cosmological phenomena using scientific paradigms? Witnessing such exchanges was always entertaining – especially to the former Voyager crew, to whom the easy banter reminded them of the days aboard Voyager.

“I think so – especially this far into her pregnancy, I think she’d love a chance to do some more sedentary work, especially on something like this. It’s a great thing you’re doing, Annika,” Tom added as he pushed himself up and smiled before he followed the admiral. 

Annika turned to the Doctor, who was now examining Erick with a tricorder. When he was done, he gave a satisfied: “Ha! You are in excellent health, Mr. Peihola. The process seems to be going smoothly. Continue keeping notes of any discomforts.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“No need to mention it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go check on the others.”

Annika nodded as she watched him walk away. 

“You’ve missed them,” Erick stated, curiously.

Annika turned to him. “I confess I have. Yet, I can’t regret the path I have chosen. This place – what I am endeavoring to achieve here – it gives me a sense of purpose I have never felt before.” The future version of herself had been right in that assumption as well.

Erick nodded as he sat on one of the meditation rugs, the one that was illuminated with the fading sun rays. “It is a great thing you’re doing. I hope – as I improve – I may be of more help to you eventually.”

“Your help is already invaluable.”

“To Starfleet.”

“To me,” she corrected sternly. 

He smiled, a brief, relieved exhale of breath, and Annika’s heart felt as though it had skipped a beat. 

“Sit with me?”

Annika nodded, and sat down next to him, facing the sun. When he reached out his hand, she only hesitated for a moment before she took it, and sighed at the warmth that spread through her at the simple contact. 

They shared a smile, then Annika turned back toward the sun again, and closed her eyes.

oooOooo

Kathryn stopped dead in her tracks at the sight of Annika and Erick sitting still in the last moments of sunlight together, holding hands. She didn’t know what the future held, and in truth she didn’t want to know, but her current happiness and deep, steadfast love for Chakotay, and this moment, right there – convinced her that all was now right in the universe. 

All was as it was supposed to be.

The End!