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Going out was not the smartest idea they ever had. They all knew it. But they needed some more things for the shelter to be finished, and there was no one to help them. Sure, the Headmaster was there, but he was still only one man, and there were sixteen students, who needed taking care of. In a way, it was almost like he suddenly adopted sixteen teenagers - well, more like young adults at this point, really. Point is, he couldn’t do it all alone, and with the world in the state it was, most of his connections were unreachable.
The headmaster wouldn’t have liked it, but it was only right they pitched in sometimes right? So they sometimes picked straws, and they ran out to do small errands. Just small groups of two or three, and nothing horrible ever happened. Well, nothing irreversible, or more traumatizing than what already happened.
Leon already went on a few errand runs before, and it was almost fun, in a way. It was easier to pretend it was some cool zombie movie or something and they were the heroes - sure, this was reality, but if Leon had stopped to think about that, that would have meant that he would have probably freaked out a lot more, and he couldn’t let that happen now could he? Nope, he wasn’t going to let it happen.
This time he was going out with Sakura on a run, to a mall a bit further down. Going out, they had to be mindful of how they dressed - Hope’s Peak uniforms were right out. That couldn’t happen.
“You came out last time too. You could have just passed at the draw, you have the right, you know.”
Sakura said this, and Leon sighed, putting his hands to the pockets of the jacket he was wearing.
“Well, it’s just horribly boring inside the school all the time. Besides, there isn’t much to do. The school is gonna get sealed soon, then who knows if we’ll ever see the outside world ever again.”
“Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
“I know…”
“...and need I remind you, you said yes.”
“And I don’t regret it, just… eh, forget it.”
There were many memories behind those walls, and Leon maybe, just maybe wanted to have some breathing space before those walls were all that remained.
-
Two hands covered Leon’s eyes.
“Guess who~”
Leon tried to frown, but a smile tugged on his lips.
“Oh, I have no idea. Is it that busty chick from the mall’s music store?”
The hands were gone, only for one of them to jab Leon in the side.
“How rude. Can’t you recognize my melodious voice?”
Kazuichi Soda’s grin was infectious, and Leon couldn’t help but grin back.
“Dunno. Maybe you should moan and beg a little, maybe that should jog a memory or two-- ow, stop jabbing me in the side, you know I’m right!”
Nobody really raised an eyebrow when an upperclassman walked in their classroom, and basically sat down on top of Leon’s desk. This was pretty much a common sight now, to the point where some of them were making comments of having extra classmates. Especially as Kazuichi wasn’t the only one doing so.
Actually, the whole thing started out with Celeste making visits to the 77th class, intending to befriend the Ultimate Princess. Then Sonia started to make visits to the 78th as well. And Kazuichi came after him, because there are dangerous people here Miss Sonia. Then Leon pointed out that the 77th class literally had a Yakuza there.
That was the first time Leon and Kazuichi spoke with each other.
How that ended with them getting caught making out in the classroom of the 76th class was anyone’s guess, but it ended in detention either way.
“You two are being idiots” Celeste rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, like you two are any better with Sonia.”
Celeste smiled, a mysterious, all-knowing smile.
“But we don’t get caught, idiot.”
-
But those days were gone now, and Leon mentally shook himself as they entered the abandoned, wrecked mall.
“Honestly, if Hope’s Peak wouldn’t be an option, this is the best place to hole up in, right? I mean even with a zombie apocalypse.”
“I agree the resources here would be good, even if they are most likely drained now” Sakura nodded. “But we don’t have time to deal with hypotheticals. This is not a zombie apocalypse.”
“Right. We need to split up. I’d say shout if you need help, but we both know the other way around is more likely.”
And wasn’t that just right.
So, Leon was collecting stuff he needed before stopping before of the music store.
People probably wouldn’t raid that, and Hope’s Peak needed some extra music, right?
So he decided what the hell, and just opened up the roll-up door, and stepped inside.
The first thing that caught his attention was the smell that made him gag slightly, before venturing further inside. Disgusting smell was nothing new out here.
It was dark, and it was a mess, and it seemed like there might have been some salvageable things left there.
Score. Well, something was also reeking like hell, but still, score.
So he slowly eased towards the back, to the punk rock section, when he heard something snap.
And then he got slammed in the face with a corpse.
Leon screamed, and fell backwards, and it took him a few moments to recognize what happened.
The lady who used to work there, now was dead - half-rotting apparently, easily the source of the reeking smell. She was suspended in the air, and in the dark, it looked like some kind of mechanism got triggered that moved her around. How did she die? Leon had no idea, and he just wanted to get out of there quickly.
“Awww, it’s you… I kind of hoped it’d be someone else, after all, you came out not long ago as well riiiight? Oh, well… nice to see you, Leon.”
Leon got to his feet, and he… he knew that voice.
The voice was nice and polite as ever, but there was something in it that sent shivers down Leon’s spine.
“...Sonia?”
It was her, but it was almost like it wasn’t. She was sitting on top of one of the shelves, legs crossed, and her eyes were almost glinting in the faint light that came in from the messy mall outside.
“Sonia I… I thought you…”
“Died?” She finished it, smile on her face, and Leon got the chills again. Something was wrong, terribly wrong. “Tell me Leon. Did you feel despair when you thought that?”
Oh.
Oh shit.
He needed to get out, he needed to get away now, and Leon started to back away, but bumped into another row of shelves. Sonia didn’t stop smiling.
“I hoped Celeste would come. I bet she felt despair too! She had always been good at masking it, though. I wonder if I could get her to show it. What do you think, Leon?”
Leon didn’t think anything, his throat was running dry as he started to edge towards the end of the shelf, towards the entrance, Sonia’s eyes (they weren’t just glinting, they looked like they were red, fuck it all, fuck, fuck) bearing into his very soul.
“Does she not want to see me? That’s so sad… that’s so, so super despairing. Do you feel despair as well, Leon? If you don’t… we can help you.”
“...we…?”
He reached the end of the shelf.
And there was someone else behind him suddenly, and a pair of hands covered his eyes.
And there was a whisper in his ear, a familiar voice which sent shivers down his spine again.
“Guess who~”
-
“So, question. Let’s say there is a zombie apocalypse and your significant other gets bitten by a zombie. What do you do?”
They were at a detention, and the teacher left the room after telling them to don’t leave until the time is up, he has better things to do. Being an Ultimate sure had perks.
So they were playing an old board game they found in one of the closets. Celeste was sweeping the floor with them, as expected, but it was still fun, and good for passing the time.
And so was Kazuichi’s question, but all he got was three confused looks.
“This is a legitimate question. Like, Leon, it’s a zombie apocalypse, I get bitten what do you do?”
Leon tilted his head as he rolled the dice and moved his piece, before grinning.
“I’d put you on a chain and keep you in the front yard. Pet zombie. Best to guard the house.”
“Wow, romance is fucking dead.”
“Why, what would you do?”
“Obviously kill you. You wouldn’t be yourself, and no way I’d let you eat me” Kazuichi said dramatically, putting his head on Leon’s shoulder. “It’d break my heart, but it’d need to be done, man.”
Leon snorted, before jabbing Kazuichi in the side, making him yelp.
“Sure it’d need to be done. Need I remind you I’m the one who is better at hitting things?”
“I could build good traps!”
“If you’d stay alive long enough, sure.”
“Rude. How rude. Either way, ladies, what about your answer?”
“Oh!” Sonia tilted her head after pulling a card. “I think I’d let Celeste bite me. That way we can be zombies together! Also, I have to take three steps forward.”
“That’s weirdly romantic. See, Leon? This is how you do romance.”
“You said you’d kill me! You don’t get to talk about romance! Either way, Celeste is the last one left.”
Celeste glanced up, and just picked up the dice.
“If Sonia would get bitten by a zombie, I’d kill her unicorn and use it’s blood to rejuvenate her.”
Complete, stunned silence, only broken by the dice rolling on the table, and Sonia finally spoke with an unsure voice.
“Kill my… unicorn?”
“You three get to make up zombies, I get to make up unicorns.”
“Which you would kill! My unicorn!”
“You are a princess, sweetheart, you probably have a lot of unicorns.”
-
Leon ripped himself away from the hands, which almost made him fall over again, and he silently prayed that he heard it wrong.
His prayers did not work.
It was Kazuichi, but it wasn’t, the same way as Sonia - his pink hair untamed, his eyes having the same light in them as Sonia. His sharpened teeth always gave him a somewhat threatening look which softened the more you knew him well, but now, he really did look like he would rip Leon apart in a heartbeat. Even his nails got longer and sharper.
“Hi, honey. I’m home.”
“W---what’s going on?”
“I really… really wanted to see you again. You have no idea, how much despair I felt being away from you” Kazuichi was there again, hands on Leon’s face, and his grin contradicted his words. “How do you feel upon seeing me now, Leon? Do you feel sad? Are you happy? Tell me, Leon, how do you feel? I see you are still shocked. Should I kiss it better?”
Leon tried to yank himself away again, and this time Kazuichi grabbed his wrists.
“All this talk about despair… both of you… what the hell is going on?!”
Before he asked, he knew the answer.
“Don’t tell me… you two… the Ultimate Despair… it’s you?”
“You are giving us way too much credit, Leon” Sonia said in a chipper voice. “We are just part of it. We didn’t start it.”
“...then who did?”
Kazuichi’s grin turned menacing.
“That would ruin the surprise! That would be not good to do now would it? Oh, Leon, I wish I could see your reactions! I’m so jealous… you… you will get to experience despair like no one else before! I hope I will be able to see it…”
Dread sank down into Leon’s stomach, and he soon realised he was shaking.
“...what is gonna happen to me?”
Kazuichi leaned closer, pressing his lips to Leon’s ear and whispered, one hand moving to the back of Leon’s head to keep him in place.
“I know how you like me building things. I had built something just for you. Oh, I don’t even know… you might not ever see it but if you do… wouldn’t that just give us the best despair possible? You and I… we might not see each other again, but if you see what I had built for you… in that moment, we’ll be united in despair again. Isn’t that just amazing?”
Leon finally found his strength to push Kazuichi away from him.
“I have no idea what happened with you, but the last thing I want to do right now is to be united with you in anything.”
Kazuichi’s eyes widened and then he raised a hand over his chest, as if trying to clutch his heart.
“Ow… that is… you really must love me a lot don’t you? That’s why you are causing me this much despair” The grin was back, a pained grin, but his eyes were still shining with the same light as before. “I hope I can give you back just this much.”
“You make no--”
Leon didn’t finish it, because there was suddenly a fourth person in the shop, whose fist connected with Kazuichi’s face, sending him fly through the shop.
Sakura straightened her back, looking around, her stone-like face meeting with Sonia, who yelped.
“Oh, Sakura! You here too? You wouldn’t hurt me, now would you?”
“I would not hurt Sonia Nevermind” Sakura said, taking a few steps towards her. “You are not the Sonia I knew, though.”
“Am I not?” Sonia mused, tapping her chin. “You two are gonna leave now won’t you? But I wonder what would cause more despair to Celeste… you two going back and telling her what you had seen… or if you never returned? Decisions, decisions… it’d surely cause Kazuichi despair too, his creation going to waste, and Leon never seeing it… hmmm. Oh I go--”
She didn’t finish it either because Sakura grabbed her, lifted her up - and just threw her at Kazuichi who was about to get on his feet.
Then she just ran over to Leon, picked him up, and ran.
-
They got much less supplies than intended, but Despair’s forces were around, so they just ran.
“This is worse than a zombie apocalypse…” Leon whispered, hanging around under Sakura’s arm. It would have been comedic, if not the hollowness inside his heart, really. “Then we would know they were not themselves.”
-
“You know why I started to talk to you?”
Sonia and Celeste were sitting on a bench, looking at their classmates goofing around in a beautiful spring day. They were all feeling the upcoming summer, so filled with hope and plans, like nothing could go wrong in their lives.
“Because I’m a princess, right? Everyone speaks to me first because of that.”
Sonia’s smile was infectious, and Celeste couldn’t help but smile back a little.
“Hehe, that’s right. You know, I had always wanted to live in an European castle. When I heard you are an European princess, I thought hey, here is my chance. If I can get close to you, maybe I can get you to gift me a castle.”
“I know” Sonia said cheerfully.
“You… knew?”
“Of course I knew!” Sonia nodded. “I’ve been trained since childhood to realise if someone just wants to use me.”
“Then why did you let me…?”
“Because I was curious about you. And because… things changed didn’t they?”
Celeste slowly turned back towards their classmates, and when Sonia reached out to take her hand, she just gently squeezed back.
“Well… now I wouldn’t mind sharing that European castle with you, you know.”
“Well, you would need to work hard to get that. But I think that’s certainly possible for you, Celeste.”
“Of course it is” Celeste looked back at Sonia with an all-knowing smile. “I am Celestia Ludenberg. I will live with you in your castle one day. I promise you that.”
“And I will support you and wait for you there.”
-
“Celeste… I think I should tell you something.”
Celeste slowly turned to look at Leon, her perfect poker face not betraying any of her thoughts.
“Is it about whatever shook you up on your last trip out there?”
Leon slowly nodded, and there was a lump in his throat. Or at least it felt like that.
“I…”
“Is it something I could do something against?”
“Huh?”
Celeste slowly stood up, walking over the rec room, her hand running over the pool table.
“Whatever you saw out there shook you to the core, and if you feel the need to tell me what it is, I assume it would probably shake me too. Or at least you think it will. My question is: will I be able to do anything against it, or will I be just suffering as you are?”
Silence for a few moments.
“Come on, Leon. Simple question. I expect an answer.”
“I… I don’t think any of us could do anything against it. Definitely not yet.”
Celeste nodded.
“Then I do not wish to know.”
“...are you sure?”
“Absolutely” Celeste replied. “We will need to adapt living here, with limited contact with the outside world, if any. No good can come out of being shaken up over something I have no control over. You’ll have to tell me later, when we might be able to do something about it, alright?”
-
-
Hundreds and hundreds of balls flying through the air.
Blood.
Screaming.
A hand being pressed against the screen, the bloody spectacle being reflected in the young man’s unusual coloured eyes, as he barely even blinked, it was like he was trying to reach out to the tied up person in the middle of all those balls.
“So you did see it…”
His voice was full of wonder, but there were tears streaming down his face.
“I wonder… I wonder if I was right… do you feel the same despair as I do right now? Ahhh, this… I don’t think I ever felt something like this before… thank you. Thank you for killing her. Without that… we never would have felt like this would we?”
-
Flames.
Flames everywhere, and sirens, and the young woman watching the screen barely even moved as she watched the one she used to cherish more than anyone being crushed between all the flames and under the truck.
She didn’t say a word, just clutched her heart, and smiled, a despairing smile, before turning around and walking out.
She had an army to command.
-
-
The research facility was quiet. Probably quieter than it was intended, as there were only five people awake, and only four of them were strong enough to walk around, with the fifth being so malnutritioned she needed constant supervision.
They didn’t talk much either.
All of them had their memories to sort out, their own demons to face, and neither of them were ready to talk about it yet.
It was Sonia who first walked down to one of the lower rooms, where Kazuichi holed himself up, and sure enough, she found him, furiously tinkering with an old, rusty engine he had found.
“...Kazuichi, I don’t think that is going to start up again.”
“I know, this fucking machine is the fucking metaphor for my fucking life, I’m all rotten and nothing will ever be the way it was, but I keep tinkering because that’s what we do don’t we, because Hajime dragged us out and Chiaki believed in us so I have to try, even if I would have been better off if I had turned back to despair wouldn’t I.”
“...you had been practicing this hadn’t you?”
“Not really” Kazuichi threw his wrench at the wall. “It’s just what’s going in my head over and over again.”
“You don’t mean it.”
No answer, so Sonia repeated it.
“You don’t mean you’d rather go back to being full of despair. You don’t mean that. I know you enough to that.”
Silence again, and Kazuichi just looked down.
“I keep remembering watching him die.”
Now it was Sonia’s turn to be quiet, as Kazuichi continued.
“It would be easy to say that I didn’t feel anything back then, but I did. I felt awful and I revelled in it. I built the machine that killed him, and I wanted to feel that despair again. Remember that time we talked about the zombie apocalypse? That would have been better. Zombies don’t feel shit about the awful things they do. I did… we did, and continued. What does that make us?”
“I know what you mean” Sonia said softly. “I remember watching her die too. I know… I know how that made me feel too.”
Kazuichi slowly turned to look at her, despair in his eyes.
“How are we supposed to not be swallowed up by despair again? Because I… I don’t know how not to feel this. Because if I’d push this down… do I even deserve not to feel awful? I don’t know how are we supposed to…”
“I don’t know” Sonia interrupted him. “What we did… not just them, but the whole world… I don’t think we can escape the despair of it all. I think we have to embrace it and still walk forward. That was sort of what Hajime said wasn’t it?”
“...I don’t know how will we do it.”
“I don’t know either. But I think we owe… everyone that much. Everyone who died because of us.”
Neither of them said anything about the tears streaming down on both of their faces, about the tremble in their voices, and all the familiar faces on the files that Kazuichi scattered to the floor around them.
“Hey… hey Sonia, I noticed something in these files. Wherever Celeste’s real name would get mentioned, all of those parts are striked out or ripped.”
“I don’t know what are you talking about” Sonia smiled behind her tears. “Her real name was Celestia Ludenberg.”
Kazuichi laughed, and Sonia laughed along.
The tears did not stop. And probably won’t stop for a while.
-
-
Saying that I’m sorry would not be enough would it?
But I am.
I am so fucking sorry.
I know you did not hate me when you died, because you didn’t even remember me.
I wonder if you hated me after seeing me.
It’s alright if you did.
I do too.
-
-
I really wanted to let you live in my castle.
And it is not your fault it did not happen.
It was me, who ruined your dream.
I’m sorry for stealing your dream.
-
-
This was no zombie apocalypse. There was no magical cure from despair, you just had to accept it and move on.
But even so…
Despair had the habit of clinging into you, never fully letting go.
“Hey, if I fall back into despair you should just shoot me in the head.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
There wasn’t even time for a stunned silence when Hajime replied, without a moment of hesitation.
His voice sometimes did this thing - completely deadpan, without any emotion whatsoever. It was the weirdest thing - Kazuichi had memories about everyone else from school, and also when they were part of the Ultimate Despair.
Hajime… or Izuru, rather, who knew at this point, he was a complete mystery. All he knew about Hajime was the sarcastic but smart little shit from the simulation.
And he was there, still there, just like Kazuichi’s own love for machines was still there, but as Kazuichi wasn’t the same person anymore, neither was Hajime.
He wondered if all of this was even weirder for Hajime, as he didn’t even interact with the rest of them at school, so he didn’t even have those memories of normalcy.
“Hey, c’mon. You know that would be the smartest. Put me down like a zombie.”
“Despair might be contagious, but it isn’t a zombie virus” Hajime frowned.
“Told you” Sonia’s voice piped up as she walked into the room. “And you know it too. Why do you want to get Hajime to kill you?”
“I just… I just don’t want to hurt anyone else, you know.”
Silence, and Hajime walked over, putting his hands on Kazuichi’s shoulders, looking into his eyes deeply.
His mismatched eyes weren’t the weirdest thing about Hajime Hinata now, but it didn’t make it any less unnerving.
“I can’t promise we will never hurt anyone again. That’s just how life goes. But we have to try, and forge our own path. That’s what we have to do now. And if one of us stumbles, the rest of us will be here, to pick you back up.”
Kazuichi laughed weakly.
“Seriously, you and your motivational speeches… Is there an Ultimate Motivational Speaker somewhere in your talents too?”
Hajime smiled, a kind of shy smile, more unsure, more like… the Hajime from the island.
“Who knows, maybe. Is it working?”
“Well, he is laughing, and it’s a more sincere one now” Sonia said, also smiling a little. “So I guess it is working.”
-
Kazuichi did not throw out the engine he found, and Sonia was concerned.
“You should throw it out.”
“No way. Didn’t I tell you? This engine is like me. Do you say I’m trash, Miss Sonia? Well, I guess you are right, but…”
“You are really going too far with this metaphor, you know.”
“I know” Kazuichi’s voice grew quieter as he turned back to the engine. “But tinkering with this… puts my mind in ease a bit, you know. Gives me something to focus on.”
Sonia was silent for a few moments, before sitting down to a chair.
“...huh?”
“I don’t have a talent like you that I can use to occupy myself with” Sonia said simply. “There aren’t really any movies to watch, and the books are in the building… are more like accounts of the past I do not wish to read to put my mind at ease. But maybe watching someone bury themselves in something they enjoy, that can turn my mind off a bit at least. So if it’s alright for you that I stay…”
“I… uh… I guess, but why me? I thought you don’t like me that much.”
“You can be kind of too much at times, true” Sonia smiled. “But you are the only one also who knows what I am going through.”
What was there to say to that?
Nothing.
Kazuichi was never good at making motivational speeches either way.
So he just turned back to the engine, to work on it.
That was something he was good at, at least.