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“You are so dense.” Jughead looks up as Kevin sits beside him, pure exasperation etched on Kevin’s face.
Jughead is so confused at the unusual greeting, that he fails to come up with a witty retort, and only manages a blunt, “What?”
“Are you asexual or not?” Kevin asks with no further preamble.
“I thought we agreed to never talk about this again?” Jughead huffs.
“We did, but now it’s affecting everyone’s favorite Golden Girl, so you need to figure it out.”
Jughead furrows his brow, trying to connect the dots, “Wait. How does this affect Betty?”
“Because she asked you if she was sexy, and you looked her up and down like a shirt on the rack, and said ‘yeah,’” Kevin deadpans, as if that was the most obviously stupid thing a boy could say in that situation.
Jughead starts piecing everything together: Betty had been quiet that night, and it was the next day he had noticed that she seemed upset. That moment just hadn’t seemed to stand out in his memory. But it wouldn’t, he knew that his mind worked different than most of his peers.
“Look,” Kevin continues, “It’s fine if you don’t want to use a specific label or whatever. We’re still young, and still figuring stuff out. But Betty is pretty heteronormative as far as I can tell, and she has different expectations than you seem to. And that doesn’t mean that she is ready to have sex right now. Like, god, Betty might be classic enough to wait until marriage for all I know. But it does mean that you need to explain to her that you might want different things.”
Jughead nods. He knows Kevin is right. He probably should have expected this to be a problem with Betty, but their romance had started slow, and they hadn’t really defined if they were boyfriend and girlfriend, and truthfully, he just hadn’t considered the physical aspects of where this new phase of their relationship may lead.
Jughead tells Kevin he’ll take care of it, and heads to Pop’s with his laptop to figure out how to explain himself to Betty, never minding that there’s still three periods left before school lets out.
That night, Betty is doing homework in her room when she gets a text: “Are you busy?” Her feelings are still hurt, and isn’t sure she wants to talk to Jughead, but still she replies, “Not really.. just doing hw”.
“Can we go for a walk?”
She hesitates. They haven’t talked much in the last few days, and not for his lack of trying. But she’s hurt, and doesn’t understand what their relationship is now, and she doesn’t want to spend time on someone who doesn’t find her appealing. Still, she cares so much about him, and even if their newfound romance is futile, their friendship is still worth her attention. So she agrees to meet him on the sidewalk.
Jughead is waiting for her, his hands in his pockets. They greet each other briefly, and he turns and starts to walk. Betty falls in beside him, confusion muddling her thoughts. He has an odd look on his face that she can’t read, something like concern, but also focused, determined. They walk a few blocks, not speaking, before he slows to a stop and sits down on the curb. She doesn’t know why he stopped here particularly, but she sits down next to him and waits for him to speak. He doesn’t, not for several long minutes. The silence is awkward, but Betty can tell that there’s something on his mind, and she knows better than to pry when it comes to Jughead.
“Do you remember,” he starts slowly, his arms rested on his knees, with his hands clasped tightly, “in the fifth grade, when they split the boys and girls up for that puberty assembly?”
Betty wrinkles her nose in confusion. “Yeah… that was awkward.”
Jughead nods, staring determined at the ground between his feet. “Yeah, it was. But,” he sighs, “remember afterwards, when Kevin was ranting for days that none of it seemed right and it didn’t make sense? And Archie and Reggie and all the guys were drooling over the eighth grade cheerleaders and they were all just like, ‘No, it’s good.’”
Betty nods; she remembers that week clearly. Things had been awkward between the boys and girls, because the girls had got a truly terrible powerpoint presentation about periods and chastity, while the boys watched a video that must have been produced in the fifties about polite courtship with severely sexist undertones implying that every girl would be throwing themselves at a boy’s feet. Afterwards, the boys were ogling the girls, while the girls were huddled in corners whispering about the horrors of menstruation. Truly a terrible week. But Kevin had reacted differently. He’d never had a crush on a girl, and certainly didn’t want to kiss one as the video had said he should. He had never understood why all the other boys treated the girls so differently, but it didn’t bother him until that video made him feel like he was in the wrong.
“Well,” Jughead continued, “I agreed with Kevin. He got really excited when I told him that it didn’t make sense to me either, cuz like, I guess he wasn’t alone then? And so, he went and spent a lot of time on the internet, and he chased me down in the hallway a few days later, and he was all jumpy and smiling when he went, ‘Jug! I figured it out! We’re gay!!’”
“And I was just like, ‘ummmmm…. No?’” Jughead rubbed his eyes, trying to remember how he planned to explain everything. “He was really confused by my reaction, because, I guess for him, the video didn’t make sense because he was experiencing something different, but it didn’t make sense to me because, I just wasn’t experiencing anything. Um, girls and boys were- they were just pretty much the same to me, and I just didn’t feel strongly about any of it. And it didn’t bother me, to be different. For him, it was really important that he figured out that there were other people, all over the place, who shared that label with him. But I just told him that I didn’t think that was right for me either, and that I was fine and to drop it.”
Jughead was getting fidgety as the conversation went on, tapping his toe and wringing his hands to try to ward off the awkwardness, as he continued,“We didn’t talk about it much ever after that. There were a couple of times I guess, when we were, just kinda on the fringe of Archie and some of the other guys, and they’d be talking about girls or whatever, and me and Kevin would just make fun of them for being predictable, and he snuck in a few questions, but for the most part he just let it go.” He paused to swallow, trying to gather his strength. “Um, until one day in eighth grade. He uh, he caught me alone one day in the library, and he had all these printouts. He laid them out in front of me and said he had been doing a lot more research, and he found out that there weren’t just straight people and gay people, there were also bi people, and pan people, and trans people, and there were also asexuals. Um, people who didn’t feel sexual attraction. And he thought that’s what I was. And…” Jughead paused and looked away, nervous and afraid to look at Betty as he continued. “I don’t know. I didn’t want to talk about it, so he just left everything with me and said that he’d always be around if I wanted to talk about it.
“And I mean, I read everything, and I just, I don’t know, it just- still didn’t sound right? And it still didn’t really bother me. And so I just kinda set everything to the side, and that was it for me. I mean, Kevin pestered me about it for a long time, because I think he saw me as some kind of riddle that needs to be solved or something. After like a year, I finally convinced him to just never talk about it again. I mean, I may have threatened him, but that’s beside the point.”
Betty turned her head towards him with a slight smile. She had listened intently as he spoke, but tried not to interrupt his flow by commenting or even looking at him too much. She knew that Jughead has never liked to talk about his feelings and that watching him as he spoke would make him more nervous. But she liked listening to him talk, and it was hard not to laugh a few times, especially now, knowing Jughead was far too soft to make any real threat against their friend.
“Um, but he did drop it. Until today.” Jughead swallowed thickly, getting more nervous. “Um, because I upset you, and I didn’t know, so he had to explain it to me. I mean, I knew you were upset, but I couldn’t figure out why. And in my defense, I did ask you, and you just wouldn’t tell me.” Betty opened her mouth to speak, but Jughead cut her off, “But uh, that bothered me more - that I had accidentally insulted you - that bothered me more than not having a label ever did. Because I don’t want to hurt you, and I really like what we have, and I don’t want to lose that. So I cut my last couple classes, and I’ve spent all afternoon researching more on what Kevin gave me, because for the first time I need to be able to explain what I’m feeling.” He pauses and fiddles with his beanie, trying to pull it down further for more security. He’s always hated talking about feelings, but for the first time, he really wants to, and is determined to get to through this.
“So, ok,” he takes a deep breath and continues, “So, everybody always talks about sexuality being a spectrum, right? Like it’s just some gradient from straight to gay. But, I mean, really there’s different gradients of straight people - some people go out every night to get laid, and some people only sleep with people they’re in a relationship with, but they can both be straight. And so there’s also different gradients of asexual people too, and I guess maybe that’s why I never thought it fit me, because I was just looking at this broad, all-encompassing definition of ‘is not sexual.’ And like, every time Kevin asked me about it, I just kept coming back to the same thing, that-” he falters for a moment, but forces out, “I mean, I masturbate- ”
Betty snorts, more at the way he said it than that he said it. He side-eyes her and sneers, “Shut up.” A laugh bubbles out of her at his lame retort.
He sighs, rubbing at his eyes as if trying to rub away the discomfort, and continues, “And then, on top of all that, there’s a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction, and that’s a whole ‘nother thing, because romance is cool? Like, god, holding your hand is just about my favorite thing in the world, and last weekend when you fell asleep on my shoulder while we were watching a movie, I could’ve died, it was so great.” He sees Betty blush out of the corner of his eye, and she leans towards him a bit. “Anyways, I’m rambling and evading the point I guess. But ok, so the point is, if I had to put a label on myself for you to understand, I would say that I’m a heteroromantic sex-positive asexual.” He pauses for a long moment, and Betty waits, thinking he has more to say. Jughead swallows, and tries not to cry as he admits the fear under it all, “And, I understand if that’s, um, a problem for you.” He chokes up, and finishes “I just wanted you to understand, that I didn’t mean to offend you.”
Betty turns to face him fully, and folds her legs in front of her. “Juggie,” she begins, watching his face as his eyes continue to water, “It’s not a problem, at all . I like you so much, and I’m so glad you talked to me about this. I’m sorry I took it so personally the other day, and made such a big deal. It’s just, some of the cheerleaders are being, just, such bitches .” Jughead huffs out a chuckle, and Betty reaches out to lay a hand on his arm to try to soothe him further. “And, they were making me feel just, immature and naive I guess, and I shouldn’t have listened. I’m just a sucker for peer pressure. And honestly, I know better than that. I mean, I don’t want to have sex just because some mean girls are saying things. If we ever get there, we’ll do it at our own pace. Right now, it’s not that important to me. I mean, I wouldn’t mind a little more kissing,” she leans forward a little to catch his eye, and Jughead bites his lip in a grin, “but what’s more important to me is, all the other stuff, you know? They way we talk so easily, and it feels like you’re the only one who ever really listens to me. And the way we support each other, and solve murders together.”
He barks a laugh at that, but he’s blushing at her words. His eyes are still wet, but it’s not from fear anymore.
Betty continues, determined, “So, it’s absolutely not a problem that you’re asexual, but it is a problem that I didn’t understand, and I hope I’ve never made you uncomfortable. And I don’t want to ever make you uncomfortable, so I would like to understand a little bit more, just what it all means to you?” She adds, sheepishly, “I mean, how do you think of me?”
Jughead dries his eyes on his sleeve before meeting her gaze. He chews his lip, trying to figure out the best way to word it. “Um. So, what it means is- I guess in context of if I think you’re sexy, the answer is really no.” He holds her gaze, trying to convey that these words aren’t meant to be negative, and continues, “Because I don’t experience sexual attraction, and so I just don’t think of you that way. But, being sex-positive, I’m not opposed to doing more physical stuff, if that’s what you want. And I mean, I’m sure I would enjoy it; I’ve never not enjoyed anything with you. But it’s just that, if I were to describe what I like about you, it’s just not that you’re ‘sexy.’ I guess I experience things more on the romantic attraction side, so..” He trails off, feeling bashful, and looks back at his feet before continuing, “You’re kind, and you’re optimistic even when it seems impossible, and I like your smile - when you smile my chest feels sort of warm and I always lose my train of thought. And just.. Yeah. That’s how I feel, I guess.”
Betty smiles at him. The nearest streetlight is at least ten yards away, but she can still see the blush on his cheeks. “Ok, I can work with that,” she says, leaning in and giving him a light kiss on the cheek. She sits back suddenly and asks, “Wait! Was that ok?”
“Yeah,” Jughead breathes out a laugh before turning to kiss her on the lips. “Yeah, kissing is good.”