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Feelings of guilt

Summary:

Trapped in a world of guilt, Saeran tries to escape.

Chapter 1: One

Notes:

Hye is Saeyoungs waifu aka MC.

Chapter Text

One year.

It's been one year, since you had left his life.

The guilt became unbearable with every passing day. Crying himself to sleep every night and seeing the scene of your death over and over again.

It was just too much. He always tried his best to remain composed around others, but almost every time he was at the edge of having a mental breakdown, it'd happen eventually. Usually he'd find the nearest room he could to lock himself up. He just didn't want anyone to worry about him. What if he built trust with other people again? What if they break that trust and left him all alone again?

No. He wouldn't trust anyone, ever again. Your death was already enough misery for him.

So he's done his best to not get attached to people, what led to the fact that he mostly separated himself from the outside world. The only times he would leave his room would be when he went to the therapist or he just needed some fresh air. Saeyoung's been really frustrated because of that, but tries his best to give his brother space.

... Until now. Recently, Saeran has been locking himself up more and more, he didn't even come to breakfast, lunch or dinner. His behavior was making Saeyoung extremely worried. He thought that his brother just needed some time to get used to the life outside Mint Eye and being around family and friends. However, that obviously wasn't it.


 11pm.

It was a cold and windy night, though, that didn't stop him from getting ice cream at a 24h ice cream shop. The therapist told him he should trust other people more, even with his anxieties, he reassured him that in the end he would be happy. Thinking about that just made him hate the therapist even more. He was planning on not going there anymore anyways.

Unlocking his phone screen he read the endless messages which his brother had sent him. The most recent one was from just a few minutes ago.

 

From: Saeyoung

Saeran!!! Are you ok?! I'ts already past 11pm! Why aren't you answering??! Your big bro is worrying about you! T_T pls come home

 

Annoyed at the endless amount of messages, he tapped a few buttons on his phone and entered the currently open chatroom.  

 

Saeran entered the chatroom.

Saeyoung: Saeran!

Saeyoung:707 Sticker 03

Saeyoung: Finally! Why weren't you answering my messages?! Did something happen?!

Saeran: Stop making so much drama idiot. I'm fine. I've just been out for a walk and forgot the time.

Saeyoung:707 Sticker 04

Saeyoung: Couldn't you tell me beforehand that you would be out?? And for that long??! T_T

Saeyoung: You even removed the tracking chip I installed in your phone.

Saeyoung: Are you trying to avoid me?? T_T

Saeran: Yes.

Hye: Whoah so honest lolol

Saeyoung:707 Sticker 01

Saeyoung: Noooo!

Hye: Calm down Saeyoung

Hye: I'm sure he didn't mean it like that ^^;

Saeran: Yes I did.

Saeran left the chatroom  

 

Thinking about Saeyoung whining about his little remark made a slight smirk form on his lips. Turning off his phone, he put it back in the pocket of his black leather jacket before continuing down the street.

The time he entered the building where he lived about one year now, he found the place pitch black, no lights on, quiet, what wasn't normal for his brother an Hye. Yeah- right, It was past midnight now, they were awake just about 40 minutes ago- They were definitely still awake. Most of the nights he came back late he'd hear Saeyoung and Hye doing their... 'nightly activities', which wasn't the case now. He could tell, it was far too quiet. Thank god for that.

He walked straight to his room, not wanting to think about that anymore and get a long nights rest.  

The next day he woke up to his alarm going off.

He was planning on going out today, somewhere he could be alone...


 "So you're a hacker?"

"Yes."

"But then what are you aiming for?"

"If you want to break into someones apartment you could easily just go in there yourself and wouldn't have to worry about someone to interfere your plans!"

"Seriously... there was literally no need to pull me into this."

"I didn't want to just-- You know what?! Forget it. I will have to find somebody else that is willing to do it anyways."

"Where are you taking me?"

"Paradise."

"Oh yeah, right. Do I have to be wearing handcuffs on my way there?"

"Why? Is there something wrong with being cautious?"

"Are you implying that I'm a threat?"

"Maybe."

"To be honest I am starting to regret I didn't gag you too. Seriously, hasn't anyone ever told you to shut up?!"

"..."

"When are we there.."

"When I tell you we are."


Thank god Hye and Saeyoung were still asleep. Otherwise Saeyoung would have stopped him from stealing his keys and just driving off with one of his so called "babies".

The drive was long. He knew that already.

He knew it from the drives in the past, although instead of a fancy car like like his brothers, he drove old and almost decayed cars that were barely used.

He also didn't plan on driving the way back this time either.

It was still early in the morning when he arrived at the building.

"So... This is paradise? A... Castle?"


Drop.

It was so obvious.

So painfully obvious.

Drip. Drop.

He was just a burden to everyone. His brother, his sister in-law, just everyone.

It would probably be better if he'd never existed.

Drop.

Maybe.. In a world he never existed, you'd be still alive, live a happy life, maybe even start a family. Those were your dreams, after all.

But he shattered them all.

Drop.

He took you away from friends and family.

Drip.

Brought you to Mint Eye.

Drop.

Turned your whole life upside down.

Drip.

And at last, took it away from you.

Drip. Drip. Drop.