Chapter Text
Like so many of the best and worst things in life it started with Misha Collins.
Five years ago I was a standard stay at home mom, 40 pounds overweight and although not prematurely graying, graying none the less. I had just moved away from my family and Friends to make a new start in Jacksonville Florida of all places, and the depression I was suffering went from almost bearable, to nearly crippling in a matter of months, but its OK because, as a strong woman I did my duty and hid it from the world. That is both said a a joke, and as a bitter truth at the same time.
My best friend ,whom I left behind when I moved, was a huge fan of the television show Supernatural, and she had been trying to get me to watch for years, but part of my mental illness makes it very hard for me to get invested in television, so I never bothered to watch. Then one fateful day I was at the library with Lance, my youngest, and stumbled across the dvds for supernatural, i checked out the first set and started disc one when I got home. I was hooked from the first line in the first episode, and have thrown myself in completely.
That was in September of 2014. the discs from the library were scratched, and incomplete, so i bought the whole series, 9 years worth, and binge watched every episode. then i watched them all again. Then as I was watching Supernatural in Early January 2015 I saw the ad for the supernatural convention, and instantly called my bestie, Bex, and told her we were going. she agreed, and withing a week tickets were bought, hotels booked, and photo ops purchased. It was way more money than either of us could justify, but we did it anyway, and instead of buyers regret got a sense of calm and peace, I was going to go with my best friend to a new place, and I was going to not only meet Misha Collins, I was going to get a picture with him.
Aaaaand thats when the freak out started. I had lost about twenty pounds when I developed celliac disease, but I had just spent more on photo ops, than I did on my wedding. Not the wedding pictures, the whole damn wedding, and I wanted to do everything I could to look as good at I could in those pictures. so I joined a gym. I went every day. I did not lose any more weight, and I was getting frustrated. That was when I discovered that Misha is a runner, and I was going to be a runner too, and maybe while we were in the same city at the same time I would run into him in the wild.
It started so slow and ugly. I could barely run a tenth of a mile without getting winded, but Misha, so I pushed on. I started running on the treadmill at the gym. my goal was one mile a day. every day. running when I could, and power walking when i had to slow down, but I never stopped. my time foe my mile went from 14 minutes to 8.5 minutes in two months. I lost another 30 pounds. As I was going through my physical transformation, I was also going through some musical and emotional ones as well. Again I blame Misha Collins.
When I found out that there was Karaoke at this convention, I did a little research, because I am a crazy fan girl, and that is how we roll. I found some sound files of Jensen singing, mostly classic rock stuff, and I found one file that was "the Kill" which is a 30 seconds to mars song, that was supposedly being covered by Misha Collins. I still do not know if that was him singing, but the song was so beautiful, I had to listen in its original form, which led me down a rabbit hole into the wonderland that was 2005-2015 punk pop emo joy.
I discovered a lot of things about myself with those earbuds caressing me. I discovered that My hair was not its natural color. Its natural color being a kind of robins egg blue. I also discovered that i like the way I look more when there are tattos applied. I discovered a love for all things emo and a whole new group of people that liked me for me, and were willing to help me find a way to do that exact thing as well.
I signed up for Karaoke, but my name was not called, and although I did not run into Misha in the wild, I did get a pretty good picture with him.Then came the dreaded post con depression. I allowed myself 1 week, then hit the gym with new enthusiasm added weights, and started switching off between arm day and ab day. As my body continued to change so did my musical taste, and out look on life. Also my wardrobe got way more cool. I started dancing around and singing to anyone who would listen, and sometimes to the retreating backs of those who didn't.
So in addition to my super mega crush on Misha Collins, a super duper ultra secret mega crush on Gerard way blindsided me and left me with no choice but to join the black parade.