Work Text:
Just find a way to get home
There's a space in my heart
Open arms for you to run to
Baby close your eyes and take the leap
To make believe in fairytales
I'll meet you there
Oh, I'll fall too
-
Sometimes Jackson doesn't even see his bed before he's fallen asleep. It's like consciousness is leaked out of his body before he's even made it to his room, but he always wakes up before the sun, always wakes up in his bed, always to the sound of the other members padding across the dorm to get ready just outside of his door.
This morning it's different.
For one, the sun is what wakes him up, through a window above his bed that he doesn't remember being there before. He groans because this happens sometimes, where he's overslept and none of the members have moved to wake him up before they've gotten ready. He hates it because then he's left with the last shower and water that chills him to the bone and cold coffee.
Jackson sits up before he could think about doing it, about to step out of his bed and head to his sentence when an arm reaches out and stops him.
Funny. He didn't remember crawling into anyone else's bed last night... maybe one of the members had found their way to his while he was sleeping. It wouldn't be the first time he woke up with Youngjae or Mark curled up beside him, even after they got their own rooms and a new dorm, it seemed like everyone liked better the idea of waking up next to someone, whoever it may be. Jackson himself was guilty of doing it all the time.
"Come back to bed." The person says groggily and Jackson looks behind him, following the arm holding his wrist to a face partially covered with a grey comforter, tufts of black hair sticking out. Jackson doesn't answer, mind whirring with rusted gears as he tries to make sense of the fact that he's never seen the comforter before, and this isn't his room in the dorm and... the voice, however sleepy and low sounds hauntingly like Jinyoung's and Jinyoung had always been the one member who without fail enjoyed his own bed more than anyone else's... but this wasn't his room either. "Jackson-"
"What the fuck." He breathes softly, standing from the bed, Jinyoung's fingers falling from his wrist. Jackson curses as he pads over to the slightly ajar bedroom door, taking in the off white walls and the beige carpet. Just outside the room is a hallway and he ignores the sound of Jinyoung calling his name again.
He's had vivid dreams before. Dreams that felt more real than they did fake or ethereal. They usually left him waking up with foggy thoughts and a dry mouth, like he wishes the dreams had been what his life was at times, that he didn't have to get up out of bed and endure endless schedules, grueling practices, late nights and early mornings, screaming fans and missed meals. But nothing as real as this. Nothing this vivid.
The walls in the hallway are just as white and there's a bathroom and another room that seems to be an office. He sees a living room and a kitchen in the front of the apartment, the same carpet beneath his feet, comfortable looking furniture that looks chic but also homey. And there's that- the fact that this place, wherever it is, feels homey. He doesn't know where he is, doesn't know why he woke up with Jinyoung beside him, begging him to come back to bed, he really doesn't know why there's pictures of him, of Jinyoung, of them together on every surface in the room, on the walls. There's neatly lined shoes at the door in two different sizes, two coats on the rack, two mugs on the counter in the kitchen, marked 'His' and 'His' and he feels like crying because this is probably the cruelest dream that he's ever subjected himself to.
That doesn't mean he wants it to end, though.
"Jackson?" Jinyoung's soft voice sounds from behind him and Jackson turns around, taking in Jinyoung standing at the doorway of the kitchen with the white cabinets and stainless steel appliances. He looks soft and rumpled in his wrinkly pajama pants and loose, long sleeved shirt, his hair all ruffled and askew. He stands away like he doesn't know if Jackson wants him to step closer. "Are you okay?"
That was most likely the question of the century. Was Jackson okay? He didn't feel like he was sleeping but he'd already accepted this as a dream, this obviously couldn't be anything else. It wasn't possible. He didn't feel like he wasn't okay, but he knew this couldn't be real, this wasn't his life.
Jackson looks around the kitchen again, notices how everything seems new and shinny except for the fancy coffee maker in the corner. It takes up the most space on the counter and it looks well used- which makes sense more than anything he's seen since he woke up has. Neither Jinyoung or him cook. At the dorm, Bambam and Mark of all people were the best of cooks. Jinyoung had always been a nice cleaner upper and Jackson always tried his best with helping out, though Mark never trusted him to handle a sharp knife.
Closing his eyes, Jackson shakes his head, rubbing at them with rough fingers. He thinks that maybe when the colors stop flashing behind his eyes and he opens them, he'll be in the dorm again, Jaebum pounding on the bathroom door yelling for Yugyeom to hurry up and not to use all the hot water. But he opens them and Jinyoung's still there and he's gotten closer, a worried crease between his brows as he reaches out to place his soft hand on Jackson's forehead. Without thinking, Jackson reaches up and takes Jinyoung's hand in his. He feels real. Like flesh and blood and warmth. Jackson could feel his fragile bones beneath his skin and when he pinches the spot between Jinyoung's thumb and index finger, Jinyoung yelps and smacks Jackson on the arm. He feels that too, the sting ringing through his body and he shouldn't, you shouldn't be able to feel pain in a dream.
"Jackson, what's going on with you?" Jinyoung asks, running at the spot he'd just hit calmly as he frowns, "sorry," he mumbles gently, "you're warm. I told you not to leave without your coat last night. You probably caught something."
Jackson still can't say anything so he stays quiet as Jinyoung takes his head and leads him to the couch. This is probably the most contact Jinyoung's ever initiated with Jackson. Jackson's always the one reaching out, always the one shrieking and holding onto Jinyoung for dear life. He liked doing it because Jinyoung was always warm, he always felt safe and soft to the touch. Even when Jinyoung would barely ever reciprocate, Jackson couldn't stop himself from being drawn to him like a magnet.
"I'll make you some tea, get some rest." Jinyoung says, running his fingers through Jackson's hair as he moves to head back to the kitchen.
"Is this a dream?" He asks when Jinyoung comes back, a cup of steaming tea in his hand that he's about to hand to Jackson. Jinyoung freezes when Jackson asks that, watching him carefully.
"What?" Jinyoung frowns, sitting beside Jackson slowly, as to not spill the hot liquid, "a dream? No... Jackson-"
"Where are we?" Jackson moves on to another question as he looks around. There's a picture of him and Jinyoung on the wall by the tv. They're both dressed in nice looking tuxes with matching gleeful smiles on their faces, heads pressed together, eyes sparkling. He looks down and there's a ring on his left finger, one look at Jinyoung's hand shows the same ring on the same finger as Jackson's. He feels lightheaded all of a sudden.
"We're home, Jackson." Jinyoung's careful as ever with his words, like he's sparing Jackson's feelings. Jackson stands and thankfully, Jinyoung stays seated, watching Jackson as he heads back to the bedroom he'd woken up in before.
He couldn't deal with this right now.
"I, I'm just gonna, gonna head back to bed. Get some more sleep." Jackson mumbles, closing the door to the bedroom behind him before crawling under the covers.
He just needed more sleep. He'd wake up again and he'd be back to his world, his life. This dream was enough to throw him so far out of it that he actually prayed he'd be back to normal later.
All he needed was some more sleep.
-
When Jackson wakes up later to the feel of long fingers combing through his hair, he knows nothing's changed.
He opens his eyes and Jinyoung's there, face concerned as he leans his head onto his arm- but his eyes are calm and soothing and Jackson feels safe. The room is dark.
"Jinyoung." Jackson sighs softly, closing his eyes at the feeling of Jinyoung's fingers in his hair.
"Hey sleepy head. You feeling better?" Jinyoung asks, thumb swiping over Jackson's cheek tenderly. He speaks quietly, like he's trying not to disturb the peace, "I brought you medicine. And the tea you ignored earlier, I warmed it up."
When he opens his eyes again, he meets Jinyoung's warm gaze and he realizes he wants to drown in the space between them. "I don't belong here, Jinyoung." He breathes, shaking his head.
Jinyoung chuckles, but Jackson could tell he feels uncomfortable with Jackson's words, his voice wavers, "what are you talking about?"
"I don't belong here, this isn't my life," he repeats, rolling his eyes to stare at the ceiling before meeting Jinyoung's eyes again. He wants to wash away the look of worry he finds there, "we're in a band. You, me and five other people. Called Got7. You sing and dance and I rap and there's other members with us and we live in a dorm and we've been doing that for years now. I went to sleep after schedules yesterday. It was late but I definitely fell asleep there and I woke up here. I don't know why, but I did. We're not together," Jackson insists, twirling the ring on his finger, "we're just band mates. This isn't my life, I'm not your Jackson. You have to believe me."
At this point, Jinyoung's looking everywhere but at Jackson, his fingers having stilled in Jackson's hair as he hears his story and his pleading. He looks distraught and just as confused as Jackson has felt since he woke up.
"So... where's my Jackson?" Jinyoung asks finally, softly. He looks down at Jackson who shrugs his shoulders helplessly and shakes his head.
"I don't know." He replies, tone apologetic.
Silently, Jinyoung pulls his hand from Jackson's body and gets out of the bed, deftly moving out of the room where the artificial orange glow of light seeps in from the front for a second until the door is closed and Jackson's bathed in darkness again.
-
In this plane or universe or world or whatever it is, Got7 isn't a thing. Jackson had tried googling them in the phone he found on the nightstand. He didn't know if it was his or Jinyoung's, the background showcasing a picture of them sitting side by side, leaning into each other and snapped mid kiss with the backdrop of a wall of flowers. It's odd to Jackson how natural it looks.
No search results come up when he plugs his band's name into the search engine and when he plugs in his own name, all he sees is his Facebook and LinkedIn profile. Apparently he's a trainer at a fencing gym and he raises an eyebrow at that, biting his lip as he learns about his alternate life.
He looks up Jinyoung next and finds the same profiles for him. Clicking through Jinyoung's Facebook photos, he finds countless pictures of them all through the years. The oldest picture he could find with the two of them showcases younger versions of themselves, Jackson wearing a pair of black glasses and smiling sunnily at a silly faced Jinyoung who's looking at the camera. They look happy.
Closing out of the tabs, he gets up and leaves the bedroom slowly, squinting at the contrast of dark to light even though the wide windows to the outside he could see from where he's standing showcase a starry night. He'd been sleeping all day.
Jinyoung's on the couch, computer on his lap with the tv on but muted as he sits. He looks up as Jackson walks in, smiling politely at him.
"I'll sleep out here if it'll make you more comfortable," Jinyoung says, typing out a few more things before closing his laptop and placing it on the coffee table in front of them. "Does your head hurt or anything?"
Jackson shakes his head, sitting down on the love seat with a clear view of Jinyoung diagonally across from him. He's wearing different clothes from before, his hair wet, "I feel... fine." He shrugs, "you don't have to sleep out here. We share beds all the time where I'm from."
Jinyoung's smile shrivels a little, growing brittle as he nods his head, "it might be easier... to sleep out here. I don't know... until we figure all this out." He mumbles, scratching at his arm, "I called the gym, said you weren't feeling well so you don't have to go in for a while."
Jackson's glad that his little search session had happened so he doesn't have to ask what gym he's talking about. "Thank you."
"No problem."
Jackson looks down at the pajama pants he woke up in, rubbing his hands over his thighs, "mind if I take a shower?" He asks, throwing a thumb over his shoulder to the bathroom.
Jinyoung smiles and nods, "you don't have to ask, Jackson. This is your home, too."
Except for it's not, Jackson doesn't say it but he bites his lip and looks away from Jinyoung before getting up and closing himself into the bathroom.
He sinks down until he's crouched against it, knees to his chest as he closes his eyes and thinks about what the fuck is going on, if everything will ever go back to normal. If he'll ever see Jaebum, Youngjae, Yugyeom, Mark and Bambam ever again.
After what feels like forever of him feeling sorry for himself he turns on the shower and drowns his thoughts in tepid water.
-
Jinyoung's up before him the next morning, humming in the kitchen, covers folded neatly on the couch. His back is to the entrance so Jackson could just stand there and watch him for a little bit, watch as he sings along to whatever song is playing in his head, hips swaying to the phantom beat, causing Jackson to smile to himself dazedly.
He's lost track of time when Jinyoung finally turns around and notices his presence, stopping suddenly and gasping under his breath as he places a hand on his chest, "Jackson, you know I hate when you do that." He says before he could catch himself.
Because Jackson doesn't know. He didn't even know this was something he did, watching Jinyoung lose himself to the music that constantly plays in his head. He wonders if this Jinyoung writes his own songs too, his Jinyoung, Got7's Jinyoung confessed to Jackson one night, while they were out on the balcony after a day of schedules, drinking a couple of beers that he never stopped hearing music. It was always playing between his ears, like there was a never ending symphony in his brain and that's how he got his songs. It was just a matter of translating what he heard every second of everyday to beats and melodies and words.
"Sorry." Jackson says, moving to sit at the counter, his legs swinging over the floor. Jinyoung plates some scrambled eggs and some charred looking toast with two perfectly square pats of butter melting on top of it, he hands it to Jackson with a smile, placing a fork and knife in front of him before heading to the fridge.
"It's okay, I guess you didn't really know. How are you feeling?" Jinyoung asks, grabbing a pitcher of juice and water from the door of the fridge and situating them close to Jackson with a cup.
"Still confused. But okay, I guess." Jackson replies, making a sandwich with his toast and eggs and just biting into it. He realizes he didn't eat anything all day yesterday, and he probably didn't even notice because that's not unusual for him. With the way his schedule was packed, it wasn't unlike him to skip meals. Oddly enough, it's always Jinyoung who'd wait up for him whenever he came home later than the others with a bowl of oatmeal or cereal and a kind smile.
"That's good," Jinyoung smiles, fixing himself a plate too and coming to sit beside Jackson on the same counter.
They eat in amicable silence, forks scratching against porcelain until all their food is gone and Jackson's downed two glasses of juice.
"Do you have work?" Jackson asks, eyes tracing Jinyoung's profile. This Jinyoung's face isn't pulled as taut as his Jinyoung's face is, he looks lovely, kind, open all the time. He still looked like he had some sharped tongue responses he could shoot out without a thought if you looked at him wrong, he just doesn't seem wound as tight.
"I called out for a bit. To get you acclimated," his fingers brush past Jackson's cheek as he gets up to wash the dishes.
"You didn't have to," Jackson clears his throat, Jinyoung's touch leaving a fire in its wake.
"I wanted to."
-
They spend the day talking about everything and nothing, filling the hours with mindless psychobabble and more important tidbits of information about Jackson's Jinyoung that helps put a lot of things into perspective.
They're not too different... and Jackson guesses that makes sense. Their essentially the same person, different sides of the same card, two waves riding the same wavelength. It was weird, that Jinyoung knew all these personal things about his Jackson that still rang true about him-- things that no one he knew back in his world would ever guess about him.
Jackson offers his own bits of information about his Jinyoung that he hopes still hold true to the one in front of him, they have the same almond shaped eyes, dark chocolate with mocha swirls and eye crinkles whenever he smiles. He's just as beautiful as his Jinyoung from back home, and if anything he knows about that Jinyoung is the same for this Jinyoung, it levels the playing field, makes Jackson feel a little less lost.
"I just don't understand why you'd take Bambam out to meat and not me." Jinyoung says as the sun comes down, painting their living room nice pastel oranges, purples and pinks. Jinyoung's sitting on the side of the couch closest to his window, his profile illuminated with the light that shone through the large windows.
Jackson groans, "no, not you too."
"It just doesn't make any sense."
"I've taken you out before," Jackson points out.
"Yeah but not for meat. It's different, Jackson. You have to know that."
Jackson rolls his eyes and Jinyoung chuckles, the sound like chimes in the wind.
"You hold grudges like it's nothing, too, don't you?" Jackson asks cause he's curious, question pitted in interest.
"Once you- or... my Jackson- he accidentally broke one of my favorite cups and I never let him live it down." Jinyoung admits, scrunching his nose up as he turns to look at Jackson. "Every time he even steps towards the kitchen I remind him to be careful taking things out of the cupboard."
Jackson laughs, high pitched and throwing his head back as he imagines it. "When'd this happen?"
"We were in college... so 8 years ago?"
"Long time to hold onto something like that, huh?"
"I've held onto much less for longer." Jinyoung heeds like he's warning Jackson not to fuck up, and he's too afraid not to with his own Jinyoung- he won't do it with this one.
"So what do you have against noodles?"
-
The first couple of weeks are pretty average after that. Nothing crazy happens, Jackson's still in the wrong universe but he's learned a lot.
He learns that Jinyoung likes to sing in the shower. He's always up once the sun shines through to the apartment even though he always falls asleep after hours of typing away on his computer. He learns that Jinyoung's a teacher but he's writing a book, he's been writing this book for years now and it's just coming around. Just a couple more chapters and it'd be done.
He hasn't learned what the book was about though, even though Jinyoung loves to talk about how excited he'll be when it's over, when Jackson will be able to read it.
He learns that Jinyoung has this ridiculous habit of wearing these lensless glasses while he writes because they make him feel smart, that he insists that he can't write without them. Jackson reminds him that he feels insulted whenever Jinyoung puts them on because Jackson actually needs his glasses and he's always gotten made fun of for wearing his.
"Well those people were assholes." Jinyoung sighs as he closes his laptop and lowers his pillows to lay down properly besides Jackson. He'd moved back to their shared bed after a couple of nights of having a crick develop in his neck from the couch and Jackson insisting that it wouldn't bother him having Jinyoung so near. They were supposed to be a married couple. Married couples slept together. "Tell me more about the other me." Jinyoung says softly in the dark, where they're turned on their sides facing each other but seeing nothing.
"What do you want to know?"
"Did you like him, me at all?"
Jackson has to think about that for a second, bring his mind back to the point in time when he ever thought of things like that in his world. He's never had the time to after debut, but he remembers meeting Jinyoung when he was just a rookie, remembers how he'd looked up to him even though Jackson was six months older. He'd spend nights up with Jinyoung hyping him up when he was too nervous about auditions he had scheduled, convinced that he was gonna bomb them. He never did and Jackson never thought he would, he'd always tell him as much, never succinct, never in so many words because he never got tired of gushing about Park Jinyoung.
"I don't know." Jackson replies honestly, shrugging his shoulders. "I used to... I think. But then, schedules happened and we didn't have anytime to think of stuff like that. He never knew."
"I bet he did." Jinyoung says to that, their eyes meeting in the dark, drawn together like the opposite ends of two magnets. "And I bet he liked you back."
"You can't possibly know that."
"I can. I'm him." Jinyoung says cheekily, "and you're you. I think that, this entire thing is proof enough that we're meant to be together. Jackson Wang and Park Jinyoung- they go together. Like peanut butter and jelly, nuts and bolts, sparks and electricity." He smiles at Jackson and it's too dark to see it but he knows that the crinkles are there, the ones that appear by his eyes when he's happy, when he's teasing, when he's angry. All of the above. "Through the cosmos and the universes, alternate and otherwise-- we always find each other."
It sounds magical. Two people, cosmic lovers. A love that transcends time and space, surpasses it all. Everything. He doesn't think that's meant for him, has never thought he deserved something like that, especially not with Jinyoung. Cool, chic, unattainable Jinyoung. He was like a star, light shining, sparkling in the night sky and Jackson had always been just a lowly peasant on the ground looking up, wishing on him. For him.
It sounds too good to be true.
Jinyoung's suddenly in his space, hand soft on Jackson's neck, smiling when he finds his pulse racing, hard and fast. He's close and Jackson's never had Jinyoung this close, never been able to count his eyelashes or see the swirling darker brown around his iris' even in the dark. "I always find you, Jackson Wang."
Jinyoung kisses him and Jackson feels like spring has come to bloom in his belly, flowers flourishing, thunder clapping in his mind and lightning flashing behind his eyelids. He's never kissed Jinyoung before, his Jinyoung, but this feels familiar. Like he's done it a million and a half times.
He doesn't want it to end.
Jackson opens his mouth to Jinyoung, their tongues meet and suddenly there's a hurricane raging inside of him. Volatile winds and dense clouds and heavy rainfall. He feels like he's drowning, but it's not a bad kind of drowning, nothing that makes him want to stop.
Jackson wants to test it out. He wants to lose Jinyoung only to be found again, wants to know how long it'd take for Jinyoung to find him.
He wonders if he'll be found if he gets lost in Jinyoung.
-
Jackson's got to get back to work sometime.
Jinyoung had only taken a few days off in the beginning but he'd been going back to class for a while now. Jackson had spent the time in the apartment alone, watching dramas, eating and sleeping. He couldn't do that forever though.
When he first walks into the gym, he feels the same sort of culture shock that he'd felt when he'd woken up in the wrong bed. In the wrong world.
Everyone seems to know him but nobodies face is familiar. All the kids scream when he sees him and he feels his insides go all bubbly, like when he's preparing to go on stage before a big show, the sound of thousands of fans calling his name. Light and airy, weightless.
The session goes by without a hitch. His old fencing moves come back to him like it hasn't been years since he's practiced them, second nature. Like riding a bike.
When he gets home Jinyoung's waiting for him with Chinese takeout. It's apparently the one place nearby that Jackson has dubbed as close to authentic, the only one Jackson allows them to order from.
He listens, eyes made of stars as Jackson gushes about the feeling, speaking all excitedly and unhinged and Jinyoung doesn't cut him off or ask him to breathe or do anything but stare at him like he's the most interesting thing Jinyoung's ever witnessed.
"Told you you'd be fine," Jinyoung says when Jackson's done, leaning his head on his hand, elbow resting on the back of the couch. He's right, of course he is. Jackson had stayed up with the jitters until the wee hours in the morning and Jinyoung stayed up, talking him down the entire time, running his fingers through Jackson's hair, smiling at him, leeching the nerves from his body with chaste kisses.
"Mmh," Jackson throws his head back and smiles at the ceiling. He feels like he's floating.
... until Jinyoung's speaking again, voice cutting through his thoughts.
"I was thinking," he starts slowly, voice like velvet. "We're having a dinner, the teachers on my floor."
Jackson looks at him expectantly, raising an eyebrow. Jinyoung's had teacher dinners before, where he'd come home cheeks flushed with too much soju, body like playdoh where he curls up next to Jackson in their bed and makes happy sounds as he kisses Jackson into an oblivion.
He'd never been this apprehensive to tell Jackson about one before, "I want you to come."
Oh. Jackson gets it now.
Jinyoung wants him to meet his work friends. Except for his shift at the gym today, he hadn't done much of actually leaving the confines of the apartment. The only other times he'd been out was when they went out on supermarket runs together but besides that- Jackson had been a home body, completely.
What if they'd met him before. Other him. And what if they knew things about him that he couldn't remember cause he hadn't lived it. What if they expected him to know things, inside jokes, old stories. It's more than likely that he's met them before.
"What if... what if I say something. And fuck it up?"
"What, Jackson? Like, 'hey I'm from an alternate universe where I wear really tight jeans and sing about 'hot couples''?"
"It's not fair that you listen to me sing in the shower." Jackson frowns, glaring sideways at Jinyoung.
Jinyoung laughs, reaching over to run his long fingers through Jackson's hair. He's done that a couple of times to Jinyoung himself, reveling in the down-like softness of the strands in stark contrast to the overly fried and heat damaged locks the Jinyoung from his universe sports on the daily.
"I can't help it. You sound good," says Jinyoung softly, leaning his head on his arm.
"If by good, you mean," he makes fart sounds with his mouth, closing his eyes tightly, "bad. Then yeah, I'm good."
"Jackson-,"
"Just saying. There's a reason that you're the singer in the group and I'm not."
Scrunching his nose up, Jinyoung purses his lips and nods, "yeah, okay."
He chuckles when Jackson playfully smacks his thigh with the back of his hand.
"So what do you say?" Jinyoung asks again, curling Jackson's hair around his fingers.
Another thing Jackson's learned is that he couldn't really say no to Jinyoung. Not when he was warm and curled up under the covers and Jinyoung reminded him that he'd left his dishes in the sink. Not when Jinyoung turned those sparkly, almond shaped eyes on him and asked him for absolutely anything. He'd take the clothes right off his back, slide his food over to Jinyoung, buy him pounds of meat, all because of just that one look and Jinyoung knew it. Jinyoung knew how to use it to his advantage.
"I'll go." Jackson says, accepting the happy kiss that Jinyoung reaches over to smack on his lips.
"Thank you, baby."
-
The dinner is a lot of drunk teachers shoving drink after drink down Jackson's throat. He doesn't even have to worry about saying anything stupid or fucking up because once his mouth is empty they're filling his cup and urging him to shoot it down with waving hands and wide eyes.
He doesn't see Jinyoung guzzling drinks as much as him but suffice it to say he's well past sloshed on their way home, and they're more than just public walking hazards as they lean against each other the entire walk to the apartment.
It's a wonder they make it in one piece.
Once they get inside however, the door locking behind them, Jinyoung's got another plan on how to tear Jackson down bit by bit, limb for limb and Jackson's powerless to his insistent lips and wandering hands. He's a dead man if he's ever seen one.
They make it to the bed somehow don't ask Jackson how, he wouldn't be able to even string a coherent sentence along. He's got Jinyoung's mouth against his turning his brain into mush and Jinyoung's fingers shoving off his jacket and his shirt and tugging down his pants as his pretty, tight little body writhes beneath Jackson's.
Within seconds, they're panting into each other's mouths, breathes moist and smelling of soju. If Jackson could get more intoxicated, we would. Just off their kisses. Within moments, they're naked and it's another first, another thing he can't say no to. He's lost in the galaxy, searching for that one star he's been wishing on, the one that shines brighter than the others, lights up Jackson's night skies and grants his every dream. Leaves him wanting for nothing.
"Jinyoung," Jackson sighs, resting his forehead against Jinyoung's and trying his best to let their eyes meet. "Are you sure?" His voice is soft, like the things hope and silk are made out of.
Jinyoung can't nod quick enough, pushing the bottle of lube into Jackson's hand and kissing him soundly, tasting of stardust and cheap alcohol as he keens up against Jackson's naked body, hips lifting from the bed.
Jinyoung's surprisingly quiet as they make love, there's passion and heat sizzling between them. There's tenderness and happiness and trust and it's all mutual, it's all real- the sounds that Jackson coaxes from Jinyoung's body, the sweet gasps and deep sighs are enough. He doesn't need pornographic moans, or strenuous groans, he just needs the way Jinyoung repeats his name under his breath by his ear, over and over and over again until it's playing in his mind like a record on loop, even after Jinyoung's lips are sealed against his and he's not saying anything anymore, tongue otherwise occupied.
It's probably the sweetest moment he's ever been apart of and after it's over, he's got a pliant Jinyoung in his arms, loose and soft like jelly and he takes everything with him to his dreams. All the memories and the feelings. He leaves one thing, though.
Right before he's about to succumb to sleep, body spent and all milked out, Jinyoung's body warm against his, he hears a soft confession and it's spoken into his neck, low enough that not even the shadows in the room could hear. It's just for Jackson but it's not the Jackson sleeping in the bed with him. The 'I love you' is something he leaves for when Jinyoung's Jackson comes back. The one he chose to love and marry and keep forever.
It wasn't for the Jackson who wears tight pants, dances on stage and sings about 'hot bodies'. So he hears it, he accepts it but leaves it there. He didn't earn it.
-
"Bambam! You're going to finish all the hot water." Five pounds in a quick succession against the wooden door. There's a yelp a little bit after that and that's what wakes him. It's not the sun, there's no window where the light streams through. Just whiteness, just nothingness. Bland, bare. He's back.
Jackson doesn't dare feel sorry for himself. He doesn't have the right. His time with Jinyoung had been some cosmic godsend and he'd been thankful. He wishes maybe he would've had a chance to say goodbye, but that's fine. His Jackson is back and Jackson's back to his own world, the world with late nights and early mornings and missed meals.
There's no Jinyoung here to make him egg sandwiches and juice, no Jinyoung to listen to him rant and gush about anything and everything with the same soft look that he offers to babies and cute puppies. For the first time, Jackson wonders how the other Jackson fared with his time here. Wondered if anyone noticed that he was different. He probably missed a lot. His life seemed so much more full and loving than Jackson's here and now did.
He wakes up and walks out of his room without having to be fetched or called for. Nothing seems out of place. Jaebum nods at him, a toothbrush handing from his mouth as he heads back to his room to get dressed. Yugyeom and Mark are already dressed, catching up on their lack of sleep with the time they saved from probably showering last night.
When he gets his turn in the shower, there's no hot water so he makes it quick, the cold like a sudden shock through his body as he wipes himself in his starchy towel and gets dressed.
It's a quiet ride to whatever schedule they're headed to, Jackson can't be bothered to ask. There's one weird thing that happens when he meets Jinyoung's eyes through the rearview mirror of the car from where Jinyoung's sitting in the front seat but he looks away quickly and Jackson doesn't know if there was a moment that slipped through his fingers just then.
Jackson's not really himself all day. He's drawn and he adds nothing to the variety they're on, letting Bambam do all the joking and Youngjae do all the charming. They're fed bland boxed lunches in between being shuttled from studio to studio and no one says anything. He wonders if they really didn't notice. If no one noticed that he'd been gone for two months.
Maybe it had been a dream.
A very long, vivid dream with stars and galaxies and warmth.
He's proven wrong when they get home later that night. Instead of heading straight to his bedroom like half of the members do, or taking a shower like the other half of the members, he goes out to the balcony and stares at the sky.
The stars here are dulled out by the bright lights of skyscrapers and airplanes. Nothing's the same here.
His heart thunders in his chest when he hears the sliding doors pulling open and when he looks over, Jinyoung's looking at him with soft almond eyes. Mocha swirled in chocolate.
"Hi." Jinyoung says softly, standing at the railing besides Jackson.
Jackson watches him, biting his lip before replying back with a small greeting of his own. "Hey."
"So you're back." Jinyoung asks without making it a question, wether it's because he already knows or thinks that he knows what's going on. Wether it's that or he noticed something that nobody else in the band did, noticed that the Jackson that's been staying with them for the past couple months wasn't the Jackson they knew for the last couple of years.
"I'm back." Jackson confirms even though he doesn't have to, eyes never leaving Jinyoung. He's looking for stars, hoping to catch a wish. He could really use one right now.
There's a few moments of silence between them as they gaze at each other, like they're gauging something or searching for a reaction, someone to make the first move, say the right thing, put their heart on the line.
As always, Jinyoung's the ballsier of the two when it comes to stuff like this. Feelings, "you've suffered a lot, haven't you?" Jinyoung asks, voice smooth like how he knows his tongue is as it brushes past Jackson's, swallowing his wants and needs and desires and replacing them all only with fulfillment and joy, all needs appeased.
Jackson doesn't know how to respond to that, so he just clenches his jaw, gaze unwavering with the connection of their eyes.
"I learned a lot about you while you were gone." Jinyoung says, tugging his sleeves over his hands. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?" Jackson asks because he's truly lost, truly doesn't know.
Jinyoung turns his body and he's taking a step towards Jackson, expression open and unguarded as he invades Jackson's space, filling it with warmth and safety and starlight, sandwiching his face between his warm hands and leaning in close.
This Jinyoung tastes like stardust, too. Stardust and shared dreams, like long nights and early mornings, like oatmeal past midnight and barely being able to keep your head up but listening to his soothing voice as attentively as you possibly can, like a tether holding Jackson to earth.
His lips are soft, just a little bit chapped at the corners from where he liked to bite them and Jackson feels like he's been found, like he was lost and wandering and Jinyoung found him like he always does, like he promised he would.
When they pull back, there's stars in Jinyoung's crinkly eyes and Jackson can't look away.
He makes a wish.
-
See I've wanted you here
All along but my fear
Just keeps haunting me won't let me go
So it's hard to say I love you
We could be stars...