Chapter Text
Come to think of it, it all started with Jimmy.
Jimmy was a fairly happy man. He was young, had a good job, a girlfriend whom he loved, a world champion as a twin brother, and his inline-skating lessons three times a week left him feelimg satisfied and proud as the kids adored him and he got to use his wheels.
But that one, normal Friday evening, around eight, a man strode in the Pontiac sports center, complete with his bow legs, and freckles, and everything went to hell.
Jimmy had been expecting him, had known a new independent skater would start to occupy half of the room for his personal training, a Dean something.
Right then, Jimmy couldn't get himself to remember.
He could hear half his students swoon over the apparition, and Jimmy barely contained his own sigh. He was in a happy relationship. With a woman. James Novak could not afford to think of men this way. The only man he ever felt himself get attracted to -- no, Jimmy was not going there.
He let the group dispatch to their exercises before he turned his attention towards his very own living nightmare, now mounted on wheels. He could be professional. Friendly even. It was not this Dean person's fault that he looked like he walked straight out of a magazine. It wasn't. So Jimmy plastered an almost genuine smile on his face a skate towards him :
"So you're one of our independent skaters here? Dean, right?"
Dean looks slightly out of it for a tiny moment. Probably exhausted from all the hot sex he must be getting with the supermodels that must undoubtedly be throwing them at him constantly. But he eventually crossed his arms and leaned against the wall like this new casual stance wasn't transforming Jimmy's knees into Jell-O.
"Yeah but if it bothers your class, I can come back another time."
No, that wouldn't do, would it? Not because Jimmy wanted to keep ogling him, on the contrary, it was because he was a professional, a grown up, and grown ups are nice persons.
"No, no, that's okay. You've kind of got the attention from most of my female students, though, but you know how teenagers are, right?"
Yes, teenagers, Jimmy wasn't a teenager anymore, he could get a grip.
"Yeah," Dean answered. "I've been told I'm quite a heartbreaker."
Jimmy could have groaned. Dean didn't know how close to home his comment hit, and Jimmy knew he was annoyed at himself. He forced the smiling image of Amelia in the front of his mind but for some reason he couldn't quite picture the exact shade of her eyes, and her smile lacked its usual shine. What was wrong with him?
Dean was talking again :
"So how's it going to go, I just do what I do, youmdo what you do, and afterwards we go hang out in the cafeteria so you can tell me all the secrets about this place?"
Wait.
What?
Not a date, Jimmy, just a friendly meeting, between inline-skaters, in an inline-skating environment. Nothing weird, just making friends.
"Ah, well, I would love to reveal all those secrets to you, but my class stops around ten, so you have to wait for a while." Maybe mentioning Amelia would help ease the tension. Making extra sure that this wasn't a date. "Also, I would have to let my girlfriend know that I would get back home a little later, but it's always nice to make friends."
Friends.
"Girlfriend, huh? Together how long now?"
Dean had asked the question with a cocky grin and an easy going attitude, but Jimmy couldn't feel it in him to resent the man. He was the one overreacting, what did it tell the world when one unreasonably attractive man manages to make him freak out like that? He knew there was nothing wrong in being attracted to the same gender, it's just that Jimmy couldn't let himself go that particular path, because it led to very dangerous destinations.
He tried to focus on more down to earth and safe matters. Namely, stubborn teenagers.
"Jesse, you need to step over! I told you a million times!"
"I refused to step over too when I was younger," Dean commented, visibly more professional than Jimmy felt. "I thought it was silly and all that."
"Yeah, well, it makes those turns a lot easier if you ask me." Although he could picture it, a brash young Dean, obstinately doing things his way, no matter that it was the wrong way. But Amelia, right, head in the game, Novak. "Also, yeah, she's my highschool sweetheart, been together six years now.
She had been his rebound but became his rock. Any unwanted feelings he felt towards his... Forbidden Crush, he redirected to her. She never knew. Never could know. And he would now channel his silly attraction for the skater to her, taking her on a date, kissing her, making love to her... The usual. No different.
"Wow," Dean notes with a stupidly adorable smirk. "Any engagement plans yet?"
Jimmy hid his mortification with a laugh.
"Yeah, no, I don't think we're ready for that yet."
He wasn't ready. He knew Amelia had hinted at it a few times, but Jimmy... Jimmy wasn't over *him*.
Alessandra chose that moment to find an excuse to flirt with Dean who just politely brushed it off as an amusing lack of subtlety. Jimmy knew it was time to get away because he didn't feel any sneakier than the sixteen-year-old had been, and he had to get a grip before their not-a-date.
Screw Dean Winchester - that was his name. The man was a god on the wheels, constantly showing off like it was nothing, it probably wasn't which only made it worse. And then he had to go and talk some more, making Jimmy feel like it was the easiest thing in the world, talking about his brother Sam with such fondness that... That Jimmy told him about Castiel. Castiel, his absolutely identical twin, ice skating prodigy. He could have told him all about his gold medals, about his shot at the Olympics, about how proud he was of him, but... He didn't. He wouldn't. He couldn't.
Instead he listened Dean go on about his job as a bartender, a much safer topic.
And when Jimmy left Dean on a handshake nearing midnight he felt void and full to the brim at the same time. He could feel that Dean would carve his way deep into Jimmy's life, and his attraction had already reached the 'crush' level, despite his efforts to think of Amelia e ery time Dean said or did something that shaped this picture perfect of a man not only physically flawless but was also kimd, and clever, and witty, and fun y, and interesting, and... Jimmy was screwed.
As he tiredly got in his car, his phone rang. Expecting his girlfriend he lazily answered.
"Hello Jimmy."
This wasn't Amelia.
"Hey Cassie. What time is it in Moscow?"
His heart was aching, more than it had in years. This day gave him no rest, torturing him with the sweetest things. The cruelest temptations.
"Morning, around 9. How are you, Jimmy? I wish you were here."
'I wish you were here'. He told him that every single time. But Jimmy couldn't be there. Castiel, of course, was never told the actual reason. Jimmy knew he felt betrayed, and guilt was gnawing at him, no matter what he did.
"The usual, you know. Made a friend at the training center, actually, so I'm a bit late for home..."
It's not that he didn't want to talk to his twin brother, on the contrary he desperately wanted to keep hearing his voice, to wrap himself in his presence through the phone. But it would only hurt more.
"Oh..." Castiek simply said, the hint of disappointment tainting his voice. "I'll... Go train, then , I guess. Besides, Crowley will have my hide if I turn up late. Say hi to Amelia to me and promise you'll tell me more about that new friend of yours."
"Will do, Cassie... Make Crowley kiss your ass for me!"
"That sounds unpleasant. Goodbye Jimmy."
Once he hung up, Jimmy's chucked turned into silent sobs.