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They returned to the house three months after leaving it. They figured they deserved taking a break away from camp after saving the world again. Some people were against it. Complaining that everyone should be working on building back Arkadia and that a new war could start any time. “We need to be ready, we can’t just have half the kids running off on a vacation. And we all deserve time off!” Thankfully, Kane and Abby had defended them saying that they had fought more wars than any of them and that they could manage without nine pairs of hands for a couple of weeks.
So, they took a rover, some supplies and made their way back to the island. For fun. For once, they were together for fun and not another suicide mission. It made Bellamy smile, feeling truly happy for the first time in a while.
They had celebrated when nightblood had worked and their bodies rejected radiations of course but immediately the pressure of building back a society had fallen on his shoulders. Making countless of lists to try and organise everything. What they needed. Which buildings would be built first. People’s competences and how they could help. Schedules. It didn’t stop for weeks. Bellamy saw the stress eating away his friends for one too many time. Clarke barely slept, Raven spent all her time in makeshift cabin trying to figure out how to make basic needs more accessible. He saw the stress ruining relationships; Brian and Miller stopped talking after they had a terrible fight about not understanding each other in the middle of what they called the cafeteria. Harper and Monty decided they were better off as friends and that maybe war and the end of the world had pushed them together.
But right in this moment, driving to a peaceful house with nothing chasing or hurrying them, his friends chatting excitedly around him, he thought to himself that nothing could cloud this day.
--
The house only had 4 bedrooms but sharing wasn’t so bad, especially when the other options were some cots and furs in a place that offered no guaranty of keeping you dry if it started raining. Murphy and Emori were an obvious match and they quickly claimed the room they had the first time around.
After that, it got trickier. In another life, Monty and Jasper might have share a room but even if their friendship had gained back most of its life, Jasper still had trouble with people and nightmares. He offered to take the couch, joking about being noble and saving everyone’s back.
Raven’s eyes had a wicked gleam in them when she announced loudly that she was gonna room with Luna. Grabbing Luna’s hand, Raven turned to face Miller, giving him a pointed look and raising her chin a little toward Bellamy and Clarke. The two girls left the room, eager to get to bed.
“Well. I’m not sharing with Bellamy, he snores.”
Monty let out a snort before dragging Miller to last empty room on that floor. Bellamy could still hear Miller warning teasingly Monty to turn off any weird sleep habit he might have when the bedroom’s door closed, leaving Bellamy and Clarke standing alone in the silence.
Bellamy shifted from feet to feet, an awkward dance, to try and calm his nerves. He could sleep in a bed with Clarke. Totally normal.
“Hey, I can take the other couch if you want.”
“No, no, it’s good. We can share, right?”
“I thought we could, yes. Come on, we even get to have the room I had last time. It’s upstairs.”
--
The atmosphere changed when they got to the room. Something about the pillows and heavy blankets on the bed, the darker colors on the walls and the softer lightning made Bellamy feel sleepy. More than he was back in the kitchen.
He turned to watch Clarke, opening his mouth to say something but the words died in his throat. In front of him was Clarke. Not wearing a shirt. Or a bra. Thankfully, she was facing away from him, her hands already unfastening her pants to let them fall on the floor.
Bellamy watched her bare back for only a couple of seconds before turning around to give her privacy. Just long enough that he could admire how her skin was free of bruise and scratch. Only scars covered the smooth surface. Reminders of what she had done, the good and the bad, but nothing that hurt her anymore.
Bellamy heard Clarke’s steps walking toward him and he turned back in time to see her in only an oversized t-shirt making herself comfortable between the pillows.
He carefully let himself slide in next to her. He settled a couple of inches away from her, protecting the privacy the size of the bed allowed.
But Clarke had other plans. She reached around sleepily for him. The girl finally got a grip of Bellamy’s hand and pulled him closer to her. Once he got close enough to feel her breath on his skin, Bellamy let their tangled hands rest on his hip.
“You can touch me, Bell. I won’t break.”
He carefully let go of Clarke’s fingers before placing his on her ribs. Stroking her softly through the cotton of the shirt until her eyelids closed.
Of course, she wouldn’t break. Clarke was so strong, had endure so much for her young age, it made Bellamy’s head spin. His heart squeezed thinking about the version of Clarke who didn’t have her childhood ripped from her so quickly. A version of Clarke he wouldn’t have known. A selfish part of hi, was glad the world had ended around them. What had almost killed him had also given him a family. And the possibility of starting one on his own. With Clarke.
He forced himself to think about something else. He was pretty sure Clarke shared his feelings even if they had never gotten the chance to talk about it. Like they were scared acknowledging them out loud would jinx it.
Exactly what Clarke was afraid of.
--
The memory of her coming back home from the island after making the nightblood was still fresh in Bellamy’s mind. How he had try to finish the conversation he had started on the beach. How she had looked up from the ground and he had seen the tears in her eyes. Telling him she couldn’t do it. Because the chances of loosing him were still too high and that everyone seemed to die around her.
“Wanheda.” She had bitterly said as an explanation.
“You’re not the commander of death, Clarke.” Bellamy had refused to repeat the dirty nickname again. “The Grounders made that up.”
“Because they feared me.”
“Because they know you’d do anything to protect your people. We made that call in Mount Weather but anyone would’ve done it.”
Bellamy had than reached for her face. His large hands covering her cheeks and burring themselves in her hair. He had smiled down at her and had let his forehead fall against hers.
Clarke had managed a small watery smile but had stayed silent.
--
But maybe now, now that they were at peace, Clarke could rethink about it. Maybe she’d allow herself to be happy for once. And if everything went right, in a couple years, Bellamy could tell her about wanting to be a father. To be her children’s father.
Clarke wiggled a little, burying herself closer into Bellamy’s side.
“I can hear you thinking,” she whispered.
He smiled a little.
“I thought you were asleep. I told you to sleep.”
“Turns out I don’t take orders from you, Blake,” she joked. More seriously, she added. “You should sleep too, you know.”
“I will”
Clarke murmured a sleepy “now” before shutting her eyes and letting her head drop on Bellamy’s chest. He looked at her peaceful form and he felt like he died for a second. He could get use to her body getting lost near his every night when they went to bed. He wanted that for longer than just the trip.
He needed to tell her. She knew how he felt about her, he was sure of it but. But Bellamy couldn’t spend the rest of his life without Clarke hearing it from his mouth.
“Clarke?”
“Mmm.”
“I need- You need to- I- I-…”
Bellamy’s breath caught into his throat, choking him. He panicked for a second before Clarke raised her head to look at him. Her arms moved from the place between their bodied to reached up his back and around his neck. Bellamy felt her small fingers make their ways into his curls.
“I know, Bell. I know. Shhhh. It’s okay. Me too.”
He closed his eyes. Frustrated that he couldn’t tell her exactly what he wanted but glad that she understood. He felt Clarke’s fingers move on him, trying to calm him down.
Bellamy fell asleep not long after, listening to Clarke murmuring “tomorrow” repeatedly either as a prayer or as a promise, he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know if one was better than the other because, in the moment, he had hope tomorrow would be good.
--
And, God, was he right.
Waking up from the sun piercing through the blinds instead of the long list of chores was something Bellamy could get used to even if it’d only last until they went back to Arkadia. Waking up to Clarke basically on top of him, though, was something he could both get used to and hope to see continue at home.
He didn’t care that his arm was asleep because of Clarke’s weight on it, or that her blonde hair was getting everywhere or that his bladder would make him have to get up soon. He only cared about the sleeping form resting on his stomach.
He didn’t think he had ever seen her being so peaceful before. Even in her sleep, Clarke would toss and turn, never fully relaxing. But here she was, half on top of him, her legs tangled in his, her eyelids completely free of twitching.
Bellamy slowly raised his free arm to caress Clarke’s back. His fingers danced on her moving the locks of blonde hair in their way. Clarke stirred a little when he started twisting one of her curls around a digit. He froze for a moment, watching her eyes open and turning up to look at him.
A month ago, Bellamy would have turned his gaze away, he would’ve tried to remove his hand from her hair or even tried to pretend he was still asleep. But he didn’t. He continued to stare at the girl in his arms and dared to pull a little at her hair, just enough that it made her head tilted up toward him, a little noise escaping from Clarke’s throat.
“You’re okay?”
“Mm. Are you?”
“I am, Princess.”
“Good. Didn’t want to take advantage of you.”
Bellamy didn’t have time to answer before Clarke’s weight shifted on him and he felt her lips pressed against his. He kissed her back tentatively, soft and slow, like he had always wanted to do. Clarke’s hands moved over his body greedily, tangling into his shirt and bringing him impossibility closer. Bellamy reciprocated the best he could with one of his arms still stuck between them.
After a moment, he pulled away from her, gasping for air. Clarke, as breathless, pushed her forehead on his. The two of them were smiling and laughing a little, too happy to do anything else.
“You could never take advantage of me. I will always want you, Clarke Griffin,” he whispered.
Clarke let out a watery laugh before giving Bellamy a quick peck. He would’ve been worried at the sight of the tears falling on her cheeks if he wasn’t sure they were there because she was happy. Bellamy couldn’t help but be proud he was the reason Clarke was content.
“I love you, Bellamy Blake. Always will. I don’t know-,” Clarke stopped. “I don’t want to know what I would’ve do without you.”
“You would have done great.” Clarke gave him a look. He laughed a little before continuing. “I love you too.”
Clarke bit her lips, still smiling. She bent down to kiss him again, tens of little pecks that quickly turned into a long slow kiss and Bellamy’s mind went blank.
He could definitely get used to mornings surrounded by Clarke Griffin. Maybe they had tons of work left in Arkadia, maybe the sky would fall on them but, in the moment, Bellamy had hopes that, if Clarke was by his side, he’d be good.
--
And, God, was he right.