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It was always meant to be Jim.
Jim was meant to be the one to go first, it doesn’t matter how but it was always meant to be Jim.
So why is he trying to keep Bones’ blood inside his body?
"Come on Bones, don’t do this. You don’t get to do this, okay? You don’t get to die.”
"Jim, it’s okay."
It’s not okay, because Bones is smiling but there’s blood and he’s pale and he’s dying and this is not okay.
"Bones, just hold on, okay? I’m going to stay here while the others get help, okay? Just, please, hold on. Hold on for me. I need you to stay alive, Bones."
"Jim," And Bones needs to stop talking because every time he speaks more blood slips between Jim’s fingers and he tries to explain this to Bones, but the man just shakes his head.
"Jim, I’m dying." Then he’s covering Jim’s hand with his like he always does but this time he’s cold and Jim can barely feel the metal of his wedding ring through all the blood. "I’m going to die, and all I need is for you to stay."
He’s ready to deny it, but they’re alone in the middle of nowhere and Bones shouldn’t even be hurt, but he saw the phaser before Jim and got in the way because he’s an idiot, and now Bones has that look on his face, and it’s the same look he got whenever Jim’s fears got too much and he tried to leave.
It’s kind of ironic that Bones is the one leaving now.
"Where else am I going to go, Bones? You’re right here." And his voice breaks half way through, but he pulls Bones closer, until his head is resting against Jim’s shoulder and they’re both slumped against the wall behind them.
“I don’t hurt anymore, Jim,” Bones is quiet now, and it takes him longer to get the words out, because he’s gasping for air because he’s dying in Jim’s arms. “The pain’s gone.”
“That– That’s bad isn’t it?”
“Yeah, yeah it’s bad.” Bones sighs and presses his forehead against Jim’s neck and it’s only then Jim realises that he’s the one that’s shaking, not Bones.
“I love you, Bones. I love you so much.” He kisses the words into Bones’ hair, and it’s the only part of him that isn’t covered in blood and when he realises that, Jim starts crying harder.
“I love you too. You and Joanna were my world. Look after her for me, Jim. Promise you’ll look after Joanna.”
“I swear I will, Bones. Just stay with me a bit longer, please. I’m not ready for you to go. Just stay a bit longer.”
“You were an amazing captain, Jim. I just want you to know that.”
“I don’t think I can be captain without you, Bones.”
Because Bones is dying and Jim can feel it, can feel the differences in their heartbeats, can feel how slow Bones is and how it just keeps getting slower, and Jim doesn’t think he can survive without that heartbeat next to his each night.
“You were the best thing to happen to me.”
The last word trails off like a sigh, and Jim can feel it against his neck, and all he can do is grip Bones’ body tighter.
And that’s how they find him; trying to breathe for two.