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Once upon an afternoon day, the sun slowly descended into the trees as two traveling companions made their way into an inlet bar. The town was small, it was more of a village than a town to be honest. The doors swung open as Xena ever so dastardly sauntered in with the self-proclaimed “traveling bard of Potidaea”.
The little tavern was exploding with drunken excitement. The entire population of the excluded area seemed to be hanging on the edge of some hidden tournament occurring behind the rounded walls of human bodies surrounding the event.
“GO TYPHUS,” one woman yelled. Tragic name Xena thought.
“I BET MY BEST MULE ON THIS I WILL WIN!!” one man bellowed as his head dipped down in the center of the crowd.
Xena and Gabrielle sat down at a table outside the current competition and ordered their dinner. The warrior staked her claim on her spot by swinging one leg up on the table and glaring at anyone that so much as glances their way. The bard on the other hand exuded the essence of a enthused tourist, marveling at the wonders of everyday life.
“Look at how they are all so excited Xena, this is the true substance of life. People just coming together to have a good time. Building friendships as they go.” said the straight faced golden woman. Xena could not handle this, she doubled up a bit and spit some mead back into her cup.
“That’s not the only thing they're building up. I do have to say communal gatherings are not always good. Rome has this giant coloss-” She was cut off by the entire bar erupted with cheer.
An ecstatic man leaped from the crowd chanting, “That’s one mule for YOU! And one mule for YOU!” Clearly someone fallen prey to the nectarous lips of alcohol and the vivacity of the current ambiance.
Gabrielle wolfed down her meal, eager to join in the fun. By this time it was determined that the game was indeed arm wrestling. The buffest men in the village competed against one another for farm animals, clothing, furniture, money, or anything they were comfortable betting. One boy placed his trousers on the line to impress his local admirer. He lost against the young maidens father no less and is now cowering in the corner consuled by the soothing remarks of his now known betrothed.
As time passed the women and children left, leaving tipsy and drunk men in the dinky bar in a rather timidly put -aromatic- village. The two girls left were currently entertaining part of the masses. Or rather Gabrielle was finishing up one of her dramatic tales and Xena was looming over the audience daring them to try anything with her reserved but icy glare.
The final remarks were made when a serving tray crashed to the floor.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” a waitress professed. She did not say a clumsy drunk bumped into her as to not condemn the patrons, but the astute dark haired ex-warlord noticed.
“Women! Can’t do anything right! Am I right guys?!” The entire circle of guys flared up laughing and agreeing in unison. The two currently arm wrestling continued to rough it out as the intoxicated audience laughed and ranted about the small idiotic things their wives have done. The server bent over to pick up the split food and beverages, trying to dodge the drunken footsteps as they came.
Gabrielle rushed over to the woman and helped her quickly clear up the mess. Xena followed, and the mess was taken care of. Gabrielle was far from done though.
“HEY!” She yelled at the group of disrespecting apes. They turned to look at her with leers and Xena instantly went stiff calculating the best way to keep Gabrielle safe and avoid an all out brawl.
“You are all sexist pigs and need respect your wives, and other women with all they do for you.” She said this with such vindication, making Xena feel full of affection for her sweet and innocent bard. She was about to continue her rant when Xena held up her hand, effectively pushing the smaller girl. She could see the men bunching their fists and turning a brighter shade of red then the presence of liquor would normally produce.
“Listen how about we all calm down and walk away. No need for trouble.” Xena said slowly and calmly, not really in the mood to fight a bunch of villagers.
The warrior was about to turn around with her friend when one old greasy guy said, “My wife ain’t done nothin’ for me ‘cept bend over and’-” he was cut off right there.
Xena held him by the throat and gutterly said, “Go on.” Her piercing glare left his mouth as dry as the Sahara, along with the increasingly closed windpipe.
“How about this”, Xena spat. “I beat all of you at arm wrestling and you each have to individually apologize to your entire family for being demeaning ignorant ne’er-do-wells. Got it?”
“What’s in it for us.” one guy commented.
“Yeah.” said another one.
“Hey Gabrielle, how much money do we have?” The young bard looked up at with one side of her lips turned up in an impressed and gleeful smile.
“100 dinars.”
“That good enough for you?” said the warrior.
The crowd erupted in a roar as that was more than most make in two seasons of working. Gabrielle earns all of their money through telling stories and has amassed a bit in the last year or two. Much is spent on necessities, but they have some reserves for emergencies.
Xena settled in the seat across a scrawny looking boy that had barely gone through puberty, took his hand and crushed his spirits in a split second. The next villager was larger, mid 30’s, and not that heavy. She took him down. One after another the infamous Warrior Princess -the Destroyer of Nations- took men out in an arm wrestling challenge in a dinky bar, all because her best friend had a conscious that the warrior ever so evenhandedly backed up at any and all costs.
The last two men were easily both over three hundred pounds. One was a half a foot taller than Xena, the other around the same height. They were the blacksmith, and his dutiful son. Xena took on the son, and while she did struggle a bit, she gradually, then quickly lead his hand down to defeat. The father loomed over her like Goliath once did. Xena was not intimidated. There has been worse. Gabrielle boasted to everyone that it would be a piece of cake. The bombastic bard went as far as to say Xena could beat the hero Hercules. The taller woman smiled at that. She had. And he was not really that good of a lover.
The giant man plopped down at the table and they interlocked arms. Both of their appendage hung still while straining against one another for dominance. The blacksmith was actually winning, his arm took Xena’s an inch...two inches...three. Then Xena got a fire in her eyes. Going into battle mode she did not focus on anything else but winning. She brought her hand up inch by inch until they were even, then brought her hand down to the table straining against the muscular man, but winning nevertheless. His hand hit the table and the bar audience was shocked, the waitress then began to clap, then another man did, and suddenly the bar roared with applause and Xena took a theatrical bow.
Gabrielle hugged Xena, and the warrior stood a bit stiff but accepted the show of affection anyway.
“You did it!” the radiant blonde said.
“Did you doubt me?” Xena smiled.
“Never. No one can beat you. Well...accept me.”
“Oh really little bard?”
“Face it Xena, there are several ways to win a game and I just so happen to know the way to win against you.” Gabrielle scrunched her nose up and looked up at the taller, stockier woman with menace.
“Lets see what you got.” Xena smirked shaking her head. She gestured towards the table and sat down looking up a mischievous bard.
Gabrielle then descended to the table with fire in her eyes. Whether that fire is to be enraged or put out is to be determined. Xena locked hands with the Potedian woman.
“Ready?” Xena said.
“One, two, three, go!” Gabrielle leaped up and kissed Xena on the lips. She then slammed Xena’s hand down.
“Victory!” the young woman yelled. This elicited another round of thunderous celebrating in the tavern.
Xena sat there stunned and partially flushed. This did not go unnoticed by the bard. Gabrielle licked her lips, looked up to Xena, and smirked.
“Told you I could win.”
Xena then erupted with laughter.Enjoying the moment and the shock.
She looked up at Gabrielle and said, “Well played.”
The two joined hands and made their way back to their campsite after the titillating experience at a dusty old bar in the middle of nowhere.
The rest of their evening consisted up Xena taking pleasurably epic revenge on the little golden haired bard.
Fin.