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"What is love?"
To others, Love is a strong feeling of affection, an emotion or a certain kind of liking, but to Park Jimin, Love was a certain red head with a boxed smile that can outshine the sun, deep brown orbs filled with wonder, thinking he'd get lost in the abyss if he stares at it longer, and a laughter so husky but childish in a way constantly bringing him joy even in the darkest of days.
Love, for him was, Kim Taehyung.
Jimin knew he fell in love the moment he laid his eyes on the boy.
His world revolved around Taehyung, doing everything that pleases the latter, sacrificing things just to put a smile on his face.
A smile that can last him for days.
But with sacrifices comes consequences, poor Jimin loved Taehyung so much it became unhealthy—scary even, to say the least. He forgot to leave a little loving for himself.
Jimin was possessed by a monster called jealousy. He didn't like Taehyung going out and meeting his friends. Didn't liked the idea of Taehyung getting close to someone that isn't him. Always doubting and accusing him of preposterous things, which always leads to fighting
He became possessive and violent without realizing.
One rainy afternoon, after arguing yet again, the red head has finally had enough. He approached Jimin who was hugging his knees in a fetal position on the bed. Tear stained cheeks and eyes swelling from all the crying.
"Jimin", Taehyung called softly as he sat in the edge of the bed, big hands making their way to Jimin's small ones
Jimin looked at his boyfriend despite his blurry vision, he could make out Taehyung's face. His face was scrunched, wrinkles showing on his forehead, eyebrows furrowed and eyes glimmered with sadness
Taehyung hugged Jimin's delicate body and helped him get up. Jimin couldn't meet his eyes, not after throwing a fit causing him to throw anything that was within arms reach at Taehyung. He can see a cut on the his arm caused by the vase he threw which holds the flowers he bought just the other day, the younger using his arm to block it from hitting his face ended up with a bloody arm
"Jimin" he tries again, voice a little hoarse from all the screaming and the shouting, "look at me" he pleaded, his fingers cupped Jimin's chin, gently guiding him so their eyes would meet
"Jimin, I know this is sudden" he started, pausing to lick his lips and finding the right words to continue, "but, this isn't healthy anymore. I know you love me, so much, and trust me I do too..but this.." he turned, arm pointing at nothing in particular but Jimin knew what Taehyung meant "this is just too much.."
Tears voluntarily rolled down his cheeks as he looked at Taehyung. "I'm sorry, Tae" he whispered, "I didn't mean to" He added, a small whimper escaped from his shaking lips
Taehyung pulled him closer, kissing the top of Jimin's head. He sighed heavily, arms drawing circles on his back
Taehyung rested his chin on Jimin's shoulder, arms moving from his back to his head, "I think we need some time, for ourselves." He said, breaking away from the hug and looking at Jimin, pain evident in each others eyes.
"This isn't the Jimin I fell in love with." He stopped to put a hand on Jimin's cheek, "I was ready to bear everything. But, a while ago I realized that if I have to put up with your behavior for long, I'm afraid that the love I feel would vanish, and I don't want that to happen, Jimin. I love you, but I can't love this side of you. You're not only hurting me, but you're hurting yourself as well." Jimin's eyes were blurry with tears once again, his sobbing, a little louder. While Taehyung's eyes were glossy, as if trying his best to prevent the tears from falling down, he continued with a shaky breath "when was the last time you loved yourself, Jimin? When was the last time you laughed so hard that your abs started to hurt?" Jimin remained silent, looking at Taehyung or looking at his hands while the other spoke "Jimin, its been a long time since you've done things for your benefit. Yes, I admit I loved the way you pampered me, took care of me and every thing you've done for me, but I was so foolish that I forgot that we were supposed to give and take. And before I knew it, you slowly morphed into something— no, someone, I barely know anymore. And it's partly my fault as well." This time Taehyung let his tears drop as he held Jimin close to his chest
"I don't want any of this, Jimin. I don't want you to live this way for the rest of your life. I know it's selfish of me to decide but its for our own good, it's for your own good. Call me a prick, or whatever you want, but I know this isn't what you want as well."
Jimin's heart was breaking into pieces, but he knew Taehyung has a point. He, himself don't even know who he is anymore. He used to be a positive person, downright jolly and would never hurt anybody—especially, someone he loves. He wrapped his arms around Taehyung's waist as he cried loudly in his chest
"I'm so sorry, Taehyung.. I'm so sorry..." was all he could muster.
Taehyung freed himself from Jimin's embrace, cupping his face as he rested their foreheads together
"I want you to find yourself again, Jimin. I miss the person who would always smile or laugh at the weirdest things I say or do, the person who bickers with me, the person who joins me when I'm being stupid." He exhaled, breath fanning on Jimin's face, "and most especially, I miss the person who always supports me and is always there to protect me." He planted a kiss on Jimin's nose, tears streaming down their faces
"I don't care how long you're gonna take, be it months, years or even decades, I will wait for you, Jimin. I will wait for you, until you find yourself again." He finally said, as he slowly stood up, leaving Jimin on the bed staring at the empty space in front of him.
He hears Taehyung snuffle, he hears him opening a bag, and rummaging through their shared closet, probably packing away a few clothes to take with him, wherever he's planning to go.
After a few minutes of silence, and only the little movements of Taehyung was heard through out the flat, he heard the zipping of a bag, and foot steps approaching him. He looked up and saw Taehyung, looking at him with a sad smile on his face, "walk me out the door?" he asks as he extended his arm for Jimin.
He obliged, although he is hurting, he can't say no to him. He gets up with wobbly legs, hands laced together as they walked towards the front door.
Taehyung opened it, a heavy sigh escaped his lips, although he was smiling, sadness was distinct in his eyes.
"Where are you going?" Jimin managed to ask after staying quiet for a while. He was afraid that he would break down again, but when Taehyung pulled him, giving him a kiss on his lips filled with nothing but love and respect, his walls came crumbling down.
"I'll be temporarily staying at Namjoon's place for a while. I was planning on not telling you, but, you know I can't resist you." He laced their hands together, bringing it towards his face as he kissed Jimin's knuckles, "To be honest, I don't wanna leave, but if we don't make sacrifices, nothing's going to change and we'll be going round in circles."
He pulled Jimin into a tight hug, inhaling his scent and pressing a kiss on his crown. Jimin was ugly crying when they broke the hug
"Look at you. Even with your eyes swelling, your face wet with tears and probably snot, you still look ethereal." Taehyung said wiping Jimin's tears and kissing them, "I love you, Park Jimin. Please know that I'm not doing this to hurt you or anything else. I just want you to find yourself again, like I said, I'll be waiting, no matter how long, I will wait for you." Taehyung slowly let him go, carried his bag as he slowly walked away, without looking back.
Jimin watched as Taehyung slowly disappeared from his sight, he wanted to beg Taehyung to stay, he wanted to promise him that he won't do it again, but he knew deep down that he might hurt Taehyung all over again, and he honestly doesn't want that
He slowly closed the door, walking into the direction of the bedroom, not even bothering to check if it was locked. He looked at the mess he made, remnants of blood from Taehyung's wounds which he inflicted dried up on the tiled floor. With heavy shoulders he made his way to the bed, it used to be their bed, but since Taehyung left, its his now.
He looked at the empty space beside him, his fist clenched just where his heart feels like its being crushed. He didn't argue when Taehyung abruptly decided to leave. If it was the other way around, he would have probably done the same.
He laid down, eyes fixed on the ceiling. Taehyung was kind enough to give him a chance, and he's going to give it all that he got.
Love; you can choose to give it up, or fight for it, but love itself is unpredictable. It does not come with a manual that has the do's and don'ts, it can't be caged like a bird, or legislated.
Love needs its freedom.
If Jimin knew beforehand, he would have been a bit more careful— careful enough, to not see the love of his life walk out the door. But Jimin was ignorant.
He had to learn the hard way.