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“Jaehyun? Can you come here?”
The said man heard his husband’s voice from the nursery, along with the soft cooing of their new baby. Taeyong’s voice was filled with apprehension so Jaehyun got up and padded into the baby’s room.
“I’m trying to change her diaper but I don't know what to do. She keeps moving around and I don't want to hold her down and hurt her by accident.” His eyes were wide with anxiety.
They were new parents, their baby finally coming home just a few days prior after months and months of waiting. Jaehyun had wanted kids his entire life, always finding children and babies adorable. He fantasized forever about watching his kid grow up next to the person he loved and now his dream was coming true. Taeyong loved babies too but he was a little awkward, a little shy. Jaehyun knew he was excited; Taeyong was ecstatic to start a family, he was just a little scared.
Jaehyun chuckled. “You’re not going to hurt her, babe. Just keep trying.”
Taeyong kept going with changing her diaper but she kept kicking her legs and squirming when he tried to put it on and he huffed in frustration. He felt hopeless so he stepped back and looked to Jaehyun, eyes begging him to take over. Jaehyun smiled gently and stepped in, changing her diaper with no trouble. An adorable pout appeared on Taeyong’s face and he sulked off to the bedroom.
Later that week their baby was napping and the two of them were sitting on the couch, fighting sleep. She had been keeping them up all night and they were exhausted, desperate for a wink of sleep. It was late afternoon and Jaehyun was leaning against the arm of the couch, eyes shut. Taeyong was resting his head on his husband’s chest, arms wrapped around his waist. He was almost asleep when he heard the baby’s soft cries coming from her room. He opened his eyes and climbed up off the couch, body moving on instinct to take care of her.
Taeyong picked her up from her crib and held her to his chest, hand supporting the back of her neck. She was crying, clutching at his shirt and Taeyong's heart ached.
“Please don't cry,” he shushed her, patting her lightly on the back. She cried harder and Taeyong remembered she hadn't eaten in a little while. She must be hungry, he thought, so he carried her into the kitchen and fetched a bottle from the refrigerator. Taeyong sat at the kitchen table, cradling his baby and tried to feed her. She wouldn't take the bottle, turning her head away whenever he tried to bring the top to her lips. Soft cries were echoing through their kitchen and Taeyong felt helpless. He just wanted her to stop crying, to be happy. He was still trying to feed her when Jaehyun walked into the kitchen, hair messy from the nap. He walked up to the two of them, heart twisting at Taeyong’s frustrated face. The baby reached up for Jaehyun to hold her, and Jaehyun could see the sadness in his spouse’s eyes.
The two of them took opposite work schedules so one of them could be home with the baby at all times. Jaehyun was coming home from work after a long day, and he wanted nothing more than to collapse in his bed, cuddle up to Taeyong, and sleep for a long time. He knew that wasn’t realistic, but he could dream. Jaehyun had picked up some flowers for Taeyong on the way home, feeling like he could use something to make him smile.
The taller of the two opened the front door and was greeted by the sound of their baby wailing. Taeyong was pacing around the living room with a crying baby girl in his arms and he looked positively exhausted. He didn't bother with a greeting.
“I’ve tried everything, she's not tired, I tried feeding her but she didn’t want anything, and she doesn’t need to be changed. I don't know what else to do.”
Jaehyun set the flowers down on the dining room table and walked up to Taeyong. The baby reached out to him again and Taeyong held her out for Jaehyun to take. Jaehyun didn’t miss the hurt look on his face as Taeyong walked into the bedroom and shut the door.
It took a long time and a lot of rocking, but eventually she fell asleep in Jaehyun’s arms. Jaehyun kissed her forehead and set her down in her crib, taking a moment to look at her peaceful face. Now it was his husband’s turn to be taken care of.
“Honey?” Jaehyun called out as he walked in their shared bedroom, his husband buried under a mound of blankets.
“I don't think I'm meant to do this, I'm not cut out to be a parent,” Jaehyun heard from under the pile of fluff. He sighed and walked over, sitting down the bed and resting a hand on Taeyong’s head. The said man rolled so he was looking at Jaehyun. “I'm scared, Jae.”
“Why are you scared?” Jaehyun asked, cupping Taeyong’s cheek sweetly.
“Because I can't seem to connect with her. I try and take care of her and she isn't happy, she just wants you instead. You're a natural.”
Jaehyun sighed, heart hurting for his love. “Do you think that I’m not scared too? Being a parent is a big job, you know that. We’re responsible for another life now, we need to protect her and love her and make sure that she’s happy and healthy. If that's not the scariest job ever, then I don't know what is.”
Taeyong sniffed. “I know you’re scared too.”
Jaehyun laid down facing him, running a hand through Taeyong’s hair. “You want this, right? A family with me?”
“More than anything, Jae.”
“And you love her, right?” Jaehyun asked.
Taeyong’s eyes softened. “More than I ever knew I could love a person.”
“Then we’ll be fine, Taeyongie. We can do this, together,” Jaehyun said, pulling Taeyong close.
A few months later Jaehyun found himself coming home from work again, another bouquet of flowers in his arms as he came through the front door. What greeted him at the door was much different from last time, though.
Taeyong was sitting on the ground, across from their baby. She was giggling, a beautiful smile on her face. They were delighted when they first saw she had dimples too. Taeyong and her were playing peekaoo, a favorite of both of them. Jaehyun grinned, chest swelling with love. He turned into the kitchen to grab a vase and arranged the flowers on the table before sitting down with his husband and child, his little bundle of happiness, his family.