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Tonight was supposed to be fun for everyone, not “fun at Ryder’s expense just because she’s the hero and could afford to be knocked down a peg”. Or whatever they’d put on the fliers. But no, getting plastered and watching bad excuses for soldiers had to be on hold so she could embarrass herself. It wasn’t so much the acting, per se - hell, back in the Milky Way, she and her brother lived to make asses of themselves whenever they could. It was the fact that Kallo - the pilot she may or may not have been harboring a hopeless crush on this whole time because salarians didn’t live long or feel romantic love, blah blah blah - volunteered to be the crewmate she had to cradle in her arms and cry over. She knew he liked soap operas, but this was ridiculous.
Bright side, the heckling would be much worse if anyone knew how she felt about him. Well, Suvi probably picked up on it with how much time she spent on the flight deck talking to him, but she seemed too sloshed to comment. Small miracles.
Taking one last swig of her drink, she got up and moved to kneel by Kallo, hating how giddy she felt when his hand wrapped around her bicep. Of everyone on the Tempest to fall for, it had to be him, right? The guy so dedicated to his ship and lost in memories of his old friends that she doubted she could ever even try to entice him to think of her as more than a friend, or his Pathfinder, or whatever he considered her. What little hints she dropped went right over his head, and she figured overt gestures would only ruin things. Maybe he could brush it off, thanks to his quick emotional processing, but she’d be spending several days weight training a tad too much and sprawled on her couch while imploring that SAM learn love is dead and isn’t worth the trouble.
But... if there was ever a place to get the feelings out without fear of rejection, it’d be when everyone was expecting her to give a “dying” Kallo a terrible speech, right? Fuck, this was a horrible idea.
Still, she cupped her hand around the back of his head and placed the other on his hip, forging ahead. “Oh Kallo, you idiot.” Despite her faux-distressed tone, a hint of fondness crept its way in. “It isn’t fair! You had so much to give. You... gave me so much.” She cleared her throat - goddammit, she should have been drunker for this. “Before it’s too late, I have to confess-- I’ve always loved you, you... sweet salarian... guy.”
“Ryder?” The desperation in his voice was all acting, she was sure of it. “Do you really-- ach, mean it?”
“Of course I do!” She lifted his head up to meet hers so fast she accidentally bumped their brows together. “Shit, sorry...” She couldn’t help a chuckle. “You’re the best of us. I only wish I told you before; that we had more time.”
To her surprise, he rose his hand to her cheek, but was only a hairsbreadth away from touching it, choosing instead to have it shakily hover next to it. Touch my damn face, you ham, she couldn’t help but think. “So do I.” She sincerely hoped her “acting” was coming off as bad as his. “Ryder, I... lo...” He descended into horrible shuddering breaths after that, easing himself onto the floor so slowly she nearly let him drop. If she ever had to watch him die for real, she hoped it didn’t take this long.
Whew, that was a bad thought.
She had been sitting in silence staring at him for too long, she realized once she felt everyones’ eyes on her again. “Uh, damn you all! You took him away from me! You’ll be hoping for death once I’m done with you! Damn it all! Damn... aaaahh!” She slumped over his body in a bow, and didn’t dare look up until the slow applause started rolling in. She hoped that was for the performance itself, and not any awkwardness that might have set in. Kallo was oblivious, at least, all smiles as she helped him up.
“Well... guess I was right. Ryder can do better. Sort of.” Cora grinned back at Liam.
“Oh, get off my ass. You wanted my acting, I gave you it. There’s a reason I learned how to shoot a gun instead of going to theater camp.”
“Don’t let them bother you, I had fun.” Kallo patted her on the shoulder, and there was that stupid feeling again.
“Really?”
“Of course! I’ve always wanted to do that.” His chuckle was a little too giddy for her liking.
“You guys should do a re-enactment at every movie night.” Peebee smirked as she rested her chin on her knee. “You guys are bad, no doubt about that, but we all need a good laugh.”
“We should!” Kallo looked thrilled by the idea, and she’d be damned if she wouldn’t go along with whatever he wanted to do. “We could even make our own stories!”
“Whoa there, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”
“Yeah!” Liam was actually pouting a bit. “It’s called movie night for a reason.”
“And you’re the one who started it.”
Liam actually seemed a little ashamed as he stared back at Vetra, who was smiling wryly. “...Yes.”
“Think about it,” Kallo whispered to her as they moved back to their seats. “The vengeful soldier, and her ghost lover! What a concept.”
She blinked. “What, you liked that whole improvised love confession?”
“It’s dramatic! Sets up suspense for a revenge arc! Plus you rather sold the whole thing, I thought.”
She’d blame the blushing on the drinks, later. “Hah, uh... thanks. Let’s just get back to the movie, huh?”
Even after they all sat back down and resumed the movie, she could swear that Lexi kept looking at her every so often. She caught her in the act soon enough. “What?”
“Do you... want to discuss just what went on over there?” She rose a knowing brow at her. “It can be after this, of course.”
Of course the ship psychiatrist would have figured her out eventually. “Nope. No way. If you can’t get me to talk to you about literally dying, you’re not gonna get me to talk about that.”
“Well now you’re just being ridiculous.” Still, she gave her a reassuring pat on her thigh. “I know it’s hard to accept that they--”
“We’re not doing this.” Maybe someday, but not tonight. Tonight she’d watch the movie and drink, hang on to that stupid memory of stupid acting, and be happy with her place on the couch instead of on the floor with him.