Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Alright, I'm Miles. There, I said my name, now this is personal. I'm somehow part of a community called Baskerville. I don't know how I joined or why they keep me around, but that's another story that I don't fully understand myself.

These people are almost all hackers and coders and the like, and decided that the best way to use their talents in SBURB was to apply them to SBURB. Anyways, these guys basically mod the game by putting new code deep within their own Shinies (where not even a God Tier Heart Player can look), then spread it to everyone else because I don't know, somehow.

Anyways, Baskerville's first remotely successful project (which was the only remotely successful for ages) is/was the Hounding Denizen. Given that the Bane was once the Hound, it can only be experienced by Bane players. In short: your Denizen hunts you down and beats you around but is just an illusion. Basically, your Denizen isn't in its palace and every Consort says that the big guy came and stormed around and wrecked some shit, and you get a weird "Oracle" Consort telling you all this shit about where it'll strike next, and no matter how quickly you get there, it'll have wrecked the place and be ready to smash you into the ground.

Even if you know that this guy is just a figment of your imagination, as the Hounding Denizen actually is, you can't think "oh he's not real he gun' be gone". It FEELS real, so most of these quests are all about proving to yourself that this huge monster doesn't truly exist. It can still hurt you, and it IS real, for all intents and purposes. Problem is, that's just because you believe that it's real. I swear, these Baskerville guys are even more jackass-y than the original makers of SBURB.

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Hey there, SBURBan survivors. I hope you're doing as well as you can in this hell of a game. I know I ain't. But enough about that. My name's Miles, and this is personal advice. I want you to live. No matter what shitty thing you've done, no matter what you've committed while BT'd, no matter what you're trying to leave behind... I want you to live. This game's got enough death handed to us, so please. Live.

Anyways, the point of this chapter. The Rat King. This shit is, without a doubt, of the bull variety. See, from the moments of the session's start, there's a new faction on Derse, which identifies itself with some sort of face paint marking in some color that doesn't have any value to anything else in the session. They don't like the fact that the King has a scepter and they're left to cower on some bullshit moon while their friends are fighting the hard war and being massacred by the thousands.

In short, they're logical. They're emotional. They're kinda like people. You'll want to help them out, given that the faction leader (the Revolution Keeper) insists he just wants to end the war and save his friends. Don't. No matter what you do, don't help them. Questant's Lament is thirty times worse when you idolize the dude that's got a raging hate-boner for a military commander and the means to get in power. I should know. I've seen it too many times.

Alright, so the thing is, the RK has been developing this maximum-secret locket. It supposedly gives the power of the prototypings and the alcrity of the most bestial racecar they've ever fucking built. He needs one thing to complete it: the queen's blood. This shit gets you ridiculous amounts of moon rep once the "next phase" starts, along with exorbitant experience. Please don't do it. He'll just get one of his asshole lackeys (like the Silverback Guerrilla or the Gilded Screamer) to do it instead.

Let me emphasize this shit. [DON'T DO IT.] Getting the queen's blood yourself means this douche will make you his "vizier", which legit fuckin' infects you with questant's lament if you're not already struggling with it. And if you are, you're head over goddamn heels.

Anyways, the locket gets the blood, and hopefully, neither you nor your friends got it for the RK. He's now gonna swing over to Derse, kill the King, yadda yadda yadda. Easy shit for the guy who now calls himself the [Rat King]. But hey, he just wants to save his friends! Of course, "save" is always ambiguous. Get ready for billions of black torsos lining the checkers. Yeah, apparently he thinks that dying to your friend is better than dying to a stranger. I prefer not fuckin' dying.

Anyways, he breaks the black scepter, preventing anyone else from using it. Of course, his locket is still making him way OP. You now have to face a guy with thrice the speed of a Clown Lich and all of the prototypings at max power. Nice job.

I don't have much advice other than kill him. He's a game abstraction. He's a pile of messy code, you know what he's gonna do. Don't feel remorse. You'll lose people that are actually important if you do.

Anyways, I just wanted to say... have hope.  Accept your denial. Work together, and for the love of whatever force might or might not be out there... live.

(I'm sorry, Simona. I'm sorry I couldn't get you the help you needed. I'm sorry the rat bit through your heart. I'm sorry, and I hope to meet another you out there so I can apologize in earnest. I dig you, Simona. Always will. Thank you.)

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Hey there. My name's Miles. There, now this is personal. Before I start this chapter, I want to say that I don't know every single branch of Baskerville. If you encounter someone from a branch I wind up not mentioning, message me, and I'll get some other Crazy Eights to do some digging. I'm always here for you in this hell of a game.

Anyways, there are a lot of branches of this shitty organization. That's a fact. I don't know how many there are, but there are at least a couple thousand. The number of people playing this game can be really surreal, y'know? Anyways, I'm gonna list ten of Baskerville's branches, and the main reasons for why people are put in the ones they are.

Crazy Eights: The branch I'm in.  This is for people that don't like Baskerville, but whom Baskerville likes for some ridiculous reason. Most C8s wish that Baskerville didn't like them, and a lot of them have formed little support/info networks. Not all of us are tolerable, but meh.
Oh Won: This is the branch for people who think they should be leaders, and actually have some pretty good leaderly traits. Doesn't stop them from being assholes and tyrants most of the time, but that's just the OhWon for you.
Superb Secrecy Organization: This is a bunch of idiots that think they're incredible secret agents. However, they somehow have the tech to transfer captcha-codes between sessions, and are therefore incredibly deadly. Watch out for anyone claiming to be an SSO Operative.
Gut All Noobs: Hackers that hate people that don't seem to know every miniscule detail about the game. They WILL mess with your shiny at every opportunity, even if they aren't Heart players. Be scared.
Who One: A weird split-off branch from OhWon, Who One is a bunch of people that started the game after reaching what would be considered "middle age" and think that fake BBC English accents makes them superior. They might seem to just be annoying, but they have a creepy knack for mastering their Aspects in record time.
Moon Rocks: These guys are misogynist fucks and think that they're better than everyone else just because they got yelled at for playing guitar terribly. Don't make them mad, they'll fuck you up.
Bases Are All Belong: BAAB agents are people who started playing in Earth's 1990s, and it shows. Their curiosity will lead to them doing terrifying things. Don't let them around new technology, that can only end poorly.
MUSIC Makers: TOP-TIER WARNING. These guys are known to be servants of the Angels. Watch out for them and report to me if someone claims to be one. Please.
Doot Doots: These guys seem like idiots on the surface, but I've watched them pull of plans that the Smith and Seer couldn't comprehend when working together, all while killing everyone in their way. Watch out, no matter what.
Cranberry: These guys are terrifying. They're all native Doubt players and they all embraced their native roles. They still embrace their native roles. I'm sorry if you run into one, I really am.

Anyways, I've gotta get back to teaching some kids some basic safety tips with their Alchemiters. They've got promise, but I'm still scared of what might happen to them when I leave them alone.

(I'm so sorry, Nick. I... I thought that Who One would leave you alone if I said you were with me. Those fucks... I'll get back at them for you, and for the twins. Please forgive me.)

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Hey there. My name is Miles. There, now this is personal. Before I begin this chapter, I'd like to say that I'm sorry for disappearing so extensively, at least from the perspective of the timestamp encryptions. At the end of that last chapter, one of the kids I was helping with some alchemiter safety kind of... did something timey. And the timestamp synchronization got really messed up. That was three hours ago from my perspective. Again, I'm sorry for the disappearance.

Anyways, today we'll be discussing a chain of four SBURBan quests implemented by three Baskerville members. Surprisingly enough, while admittedly "freaky", they're not that deadly. In fact, the payoff is actually highly rewarding, if you know how to utilize it. They're nicknamed the Tree Quests because each of the four quests centers around a specific tree on your land that is only there if you've got this quest in your coding.

This tree looks like the rest of the tree-type things on your land, with one major exception: it goes through the seasons, and so does the entire ebonpyre its in. If you find an ebonpyre that's going through the seasons while everything else is static, go to the really big tree at the center and you're in the right place.

Note: If you have a land that naturally goes through the seasons, look for an ebonpyre that's totally out-of-sync with the surrounding area. That's your ticket.

[[The Springtime Siesta]]

The Springtime Siesta is the name of the first quest. You can only start the chain when The Tree (as I refer to it) is in a Spring-ish state. Given that a lot of lands have really weird trees, just visit it when you have the chance and eventually you'll be there at the right time. You'll find a Consort that corresponds to a different player's Land taking a nap under the tree. Don't wake them up. Instead, sit down next to them and take a nap yourself. Don't worry about monsters attacking you,The Tree is a safe zone when you're in the midst of starting one of these quests. Once you wake up, they'll have left, but there'll be a note telling you to go to a certain dungeon that you've already completed and find a jukebox. Alchemizing it won't let you bypass the dungeon part, unfortunately.

When you get to the dungeon, there are a bunch of sleeping underlings outside the doors, so you'll have to either fight them or sneak past them. Get inside and the dungeon'll totally be repopulated, and a bunch of the puzzles will be different. The boss will be replaced with a randomly-selected Spring-themed boss that only exists for this quest, as far as I'm aware. Clear the whole dungeon, get the jukebox, and leave it at The Tree.

[[The Summertime Soiree]]

The Summertime Soiree is the name of the second quest. Once you drop off the jukebox, wait for Summer to come at The Tree, and head there. The mysterious consort will be there again, the jukebox playing and the consort dancing giddily next to it. Dance to the jukebox as well, and eventually the mysterious consort will turn the jukebox off, drop a note on the ground, and leave. Don't follow, they already despawned the moment they went behind The Tree.

This note instructs you to go to another dungeon, and rinse/repeat the process from the first quest, but with the goal of snagging a jack-o-lantern. Leave it at The Tree and wait for autumn.

[[The Falltime Fallen]]

The Falltime Fallen is the name of quest number three. When the jack-o-lantern is at The Tree and autumn comes, head over to the meeting place. You'll find the mysterious consort kneeling in front of the jack-o-lantern, which is has surrounded with candles. Kneel next to them and silently mourn anyone you've lost. Once you do so, the mysterious consort will pick up the jack-o-lantern and leave the candles, then leave the way it left before (mysteriously and behind the tree). On one of the candles, they wrote a note asking you to rinse/repeat for a small gift box.

This is one that gets a different treatment dungeon-wise. The dungeon will be entirely empty, save for unique Ghost underlings. Instead of fighting them, walk past them and solve the puzzles. They won't damage you unless you attack first. The boss can only be beaten by apologizing to it. I feel that this is a highly important lesson, that sometimes fighting isn't the right way to get through a difficult time. Leave the gift box at The Tree, and wait for winter to come.

[[The Wintertime Wisps]]

Quest four out of four: The Wintertime Wisps. Gift box at The Tree and winter beating down on its ebonpyre? Yep, it's time. Th mysterious consort will be sitting in front of the gift box, and they'll stand up and hand you the box, now wrapped in a ribbon. Open it up, and you'll find the disc you danced to in the summer, one of the candles you mourned in front of, and a captcha card. The card contains a highly-powerful alchemy reagent related to your Land and the trees therein.

Once you've looked at the items and close the box, the mysterious consort will wave you over to follow them. It takes you to the other side of the tree, where something new awaits. You'll find a door built into the side of the tree, which will take you into an elevator carved out of the tree itself. Head down with the consort and you'll find a lobby with several dungeon entrances on the walls.

WARNING: These dungeons are seriously powerful, when you first get to them. Wait till you've finished the current arc of the land plot and a bit more, and you should be able to take them on. Thankfully, they have really intensely good loot.

NOTE: The number of dungeons will be equal to the number of players in your session times two. A number of the dungeons equal to one fewer than the number of players in the session will be two-person dungeons, one for each pairing of you and another player. The rest will be mixes of solo dungeons for you and triple-person dungeons. I've heard rumors of dungeons that can only be accessed when embarking on [Wacky Antics] but I don't know if they're valid.

So, I know it's gonna be weird for me to say this, but I'd like to thank the people who made this content. They're total pricks, but the content is always nice to embark on. virtuousMandolin, drummingBased, and prometheanInfant, this goes out to you.

This has been Miles. Stay safe, SBURBlings.

Chapter Text

Hi there. My name's Miles. Good, now this is personal. This chapter is anomalous, as I won't be detailing a creation of Baskerville. Instead, I'll be detailing a set of info for any SBURB game that I only know so much about because of Baskerville's extensive databases. Specifically, Lands and their Descriptors.

[[What a Land Descriptor Is]]

The Land Descriptors are those words in Land of Something and Something that make your land yours. Depending on your Land's descriptors, you'll have different quests, different adventures, and even different mechanics, in some drastic cases.

[[Why Descriptors are Chosen]]

Land Descriptors can be applied to your Land for a wide variety of reasons. The primary reasons are as follows:

-Aspect (The Descriptor is one of the innumerable descriptors associated with your Aspect)

-Class (The Descriptor is one of the innumerable descriptors associated with your class)

-Environs (The Descriptor is tied to the area you were in when you entered and its conditions)

-Growing Up (The Descriptor is tied to part of the maturity you need to develop)

For example, a Page of Flow could very well have the Heat descriptor on their Land as a result of their Aspect, but it could also be applied to someone who entered from a burning city, or someone whose goal is to stop being so hotheaded!

[[Descriptors by Aspect, Part 1]]

Here is where I'll begin listing Land Descriptors without further info, so as to catalogue them for the general public.

Flow

-Heat
-Blaze
-Flame
-Roads
-Trails
-Hills
-Power Plant (No, I don't know why this one is here either...)

Rhyme

-Frost
-Lounge
-Leisure
-Rhythm
-Cream
-Chill
-Blizzard

Time

-Clockwork
-Quartz
-Tempo
-Beat
-Clocks
-Billiards (???)
-Sundials

Space (As a note, every Space player's Land has three descriptors, one of which is always Frogs)

-Nebulae
-Comets
-Brooms (???)
-Horse Heads (Seriously what)
-Galaxies
-Hollow
-Reasoning