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The minute the words leave his mouth, Fitz feels horrible, but he doesn't take them back. Can't. He's angry, so angry, and Mellie's always there for him to take it out on.
She's silent as he slowly gets ready for bed. He expects anger, sullenness, and is surprised when she keeps quiet even as he gets into bed beside her.
"I love you," she says suddenly and her voice isn't stringent or harsh, it's resigned. "But I don't like you most of the time. I don't like the way you speak to me. I don't like the way you look at me. I don't like much of anything about you at the moment. I know I'm the easy target because I'm the one who's here and Olivia isn't, but that doesn't give you the right to treat me like filth on the bottom of your shoe. If you ever speak to me that way again..."
It's a threat.
He scoffs, because what can she do to him?
"What?" He asks, half taunts.
"I'll do what I have to. I deserve respect. I demand respect. You think that you can treat me any old way and I'll keep putting up with it. Not anymore. You screwed Amanda Tanner. You screwed Olivia Pope. There are things I know about you that could and very likely would ruin you."
"You'd do that to Olivia?"
"She'd survive it. The press will spin as you being the older, smarmy predator that preys on women who work for you. Younger women who look up to you. Women will come out of the woodwork claiming you came on to them, that you were inappropriate with them, and everyone will eat it right up. It's not a threat. It's a fact, Fitz. I can ruin you. I don't want to do that. I know there's greatness in you. I've seen it and I know you can be a great president. If you'd only hold onto it, hold it close, and nourish it. And the fact of the matter is you don't have to be a great man to be a great president. They don't go hand in hand. You need to leave your sullenness, your moodiness, your anger, and everything else that comes with her having left you, leave it aside and be the president. Keep your personal life personal and be the president America needs."
The words resonate.
He knows she's right.
It's hard, so hard.
He can't look at her and stares at his hands instead.
"You're not the only one she left. You don't think I'm angry and heartbroken? Of course I am. And I know I'm not the president, but I do have responsibilities. I have to paste on a smile and do my job as the first lady and I do it. For you, for me, and because it's expected. She's moving on and it's horrible. I can only hope it doesn't last because she's running too and there's an end to every road, Fitz. We need to hang onto each other for just a little while longer. I believe that wholeheartedly."
She doesn't say anything else and he's glad. Her words pierced him straight through and he's tempted to check his chest to see if he's bleeding.
He's an asshole and he knows it.
Mellie was doing all the work, all the reaching out, and he kept rebuffing her at every attempt.
"I'm sorry." The words are getting easier to say, the feeling more genuine, and he's glad at least for that much.
"I know you are. We're both sorry for one thing or another. Sorry doesn't matter, Fitz. Actions matter. Be better."