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It happens a lot.
All of the members are close- of course. They're in a band together, for Christ's sake. It's not a weird thing for them to sleep next to each other or wake up with someone cuddled up right next to you. At first it was awkward of course, when they weren't as close as nowadays. But as they grew closer together as a group and their friendships deepened, the amount of skinship grew as well. Some of the members tend to wander next to each other during sleepless nights more than the others, but it's still normal for them. Honestly, they just consider it as a thing that close friends do.
But whenever Taehyung wakes up in the morning, with Jungkook sleeping peacefully beside him, he knows that it's not just a platonic thing for him.
A normal friend would get up and go to the bathroom to wash up and maybe get rid of an awkward morning wood, and eat something while playing around on their phone.
But Taehyung doesn't even dare to move a muscle. He just quietly admires Jungkook's mesmerizing features. The way his eyelashes softly touch his rosy, pretty cheeks, the way his lips are slightly cracked open, small puffs of air coming out, the way his hair falls perfectly down on his face, creating the most prettiest sight that Taehyung has ever witnessed. He realizes that if he doesn't breathe out now, he'll end up dying right here and now, (he thinks that it wouldn't be so bad because the last thing that he'd see before entering hell ((for being creepy and watching his best friend sleep)) would be Jungkook's beautiful face.) so he quickly lets out a shaky breath and changes his position on the small bed that they're sharing.
They're filming a thing for Vapp, currently situated in the middle of nowhere, more specifically, in a small European country. The trip has been so far so good, if the few encounters with some crazy fans don't count. The rest of the people they've encountered have seemed really kind and friendly though, so it's okay. Still, if Taehyung is being honest, he just wants to get back to Korea as soon as possible. It's not that he's not having fun or that he's homesick, just the fact that this is the fourth time during this trip that he has woken up before the maknae and lost his ability to breathe.
It's entirely the younger's fault though, he tells himself, as he studies the others face. Jungkook is so, so so so so close, and he's so warm and soft and Taehyung just wants to cuddle him properly and never ever let go. He wants to pin him down and kiss his nose and cheeks and forehead and lips and collarbones and neck and chest and hands- the list goes on and on. He wants to make Jungkook feel beautiful and loved, he wants to make the boy blush and smile shyly and cover his face with his hands in embarrassment. He wants to show him so many new sides of himself that no one has ever seen, he wants there to be an even deeper connection between them, something that reaches deep inside their hearts and souls, something impossible for others to see and experience. He wants to take care of the younger boy, to always remain by his side. He wants to go on dates and adventures with him, he wants to hold his hand all the time, and to surprise him with back hugs and soft kisses. He wants to make it last. He wants, no, needs Jungkook, as painfully cheesy as it sounds.
Taehyung is brought back to reality by the sounds of the other members waking up. By other members and sounds he means Hoseok stretching his arms and legs, hitting Seokjin straight on the face with a closed fist, and the latter one screaming out in agony. That leads to them both almost falling off the bed, which wouldn't be so bad if the bed itself wasn't almost 6 feet up in the air. Taehyung smiles lazily, but as he feels Jungkook stir beside him, his great mood falters and suddenly he's feeling the slightest bit of annoyed at his hyung's for causing such a scene. He really wanted for this moment to last a while longer, because while it might be painful for him to just watch only, it certainly saddens him more to let the feeling of Jungkook cuddling up to him die and be swooped away like dust.
''...hyung?''
It's the maknae voicing his confusion and tiredness on this whole situation, and Taehyung feels the sudden urge to just pet the younger ones hair.
He does.
Jungkook doesn't seem surprised or taken back, no, he actually fucking melts to the touch, and lets out a tiny noise of approval, while his tired yet still gorgeous eyes flutter closed. ''Good morning Kookie.'' the older one says, with hidden adoration laced in his deep and groggy morning voice. Jungkook just hums at him, and lays still as Taehyung works his fingers through the other's hair. ''G'morning...'' he finally answers, voice sounding as equally sleepy as Taehyung's. ''What's the time....? And what were the others screaming about just now? Did someone die?'' Jungkook asks, and he sounds genuinely worried. Taehyung fights the urge to chuckle, but lets a small smile slip onto his face. ''I'm actually not sure what time it is, and no, no one died while you were asleep. Everyone's still alive.''
Jungkook smiles just a bit while nodding, and suddenly he's a lot closer than before. He pushes Taehyung down from his previous position, where he was looking down on the maknae, propped up on one elbow and chin resting against his palm. He doesn't have much time to register what's happening because Jungkook is moving so quickly, like he needs to be as close to Taehyung as possible and as fast as possible, wanting to touch him and just lay there in that small uncomfortable bed for the rest of their lives. For a heartbeat Taehyung wonders if Jungkook really needs that too, if that's what's really going through his head, and if all of this actually isn't one-sided, but then his vision is blurred and all he can see is a brown mop of hair, and it's tickling and warm and soft and he doesn't know what to do.
''You're so warm...'' Jungkook says, while taking a deep breath and settling on top of Taehyung. ''I don't wanna get up...'' he continues, sounding content on just laying on top of his hyung. And in that moment, on a chilly summer morning, in that small camper, on that stupid uncomfortable bed, Taehyung truly falls in love with his friend, like a meteor crashing down on earth, and he can't breathe.
(he can)
- - -
Taehyung wakes up with a gasp, his whole body sweaty and hot. The room is dark, with Jimin's and Hoseok's breathing and occasional snores as the only sources of noise. His heart is beating like crazy, the images of his nightmare still flashing crystal clear in his head. He hunches over and presses his palms to his forehead, closing his eyes and letting himself calm down. The nightmares aren't anything special really, he just isn't used to dealing with them alone. While he was a kid, his grandmother would always comfort him and tell him it's all going to be okay. Grandmother...
He doesn't even realize that there are tears streaming down his face, until one of them hits his bare leg. He's too tired to try not to cry, so he just gives in and lets the salty water drip down his cheeks.
He stays in that position for a few seconds, minutes, hours maybe, but suddenly his legs are carrying him out of the room, and not long after he finds himself standing in front of the leader's and maknae's door.
After the trip in Europe, Jungkook and Taehyung haven't really slept together. It's mainly because Taehyung figured that maybe by slightly (only slightly because he could never completely dissociate himself from Jungkook) distancing himself from the younger, his feelings would perhaps fade away after some time. Boy was he wrong. It's like his feelings have only grown stronger and more demanding. Even a slight touch by the younger is enough to set him on fire, the great amount of affection he has towards the younger just pouring out of him, making him feel all dizzy and flustered.
He loves him so much.
Taehyung almost knocks on the door - a habit - before realizing how dumb that would make him look. It's nighttime, it's not like either of the two would wake up just to open the door for him. Besides the last thing he wants is to encounter any of the members (excluding Jungkook) right now. He's too tired to talk about all of this tonight, tomorrow, next week, who knows. He just needs Jungkook, whatever he can grasp of the other one, his warmth, his voice, his scent, his body- anything. So he opens the door as quietly as possible and steps in, his gaze immediately focusing on the sleeping maknae. He allows a shaky breath leave his mouth before closing the door behind him and walking over to Jungkooks bed.
The younger boy looks so innocent and sweet and peaceful and Taehyung's heart aches a lot. Thankfully Jungkook isn't all sprawled out on his small bed, so Taehyung can easily slide his still slightly shaky body next to his. The warmth that spreads throughout him immediately when their bodies collide softly makes him sigh contently. For a while Taehyung just lays on his back, gazing at the ceiling. When he feels Jungkook starting to shift, he turns his head sideways so he can see the boy.
Jungkook's shifting doesn't stop immediately though, no, it's like he senses that someone's next to him now, so he inches closer and closer until his head is laying on top of Taehyung's chest. The older boy almost starts crying again, just because he can and because he's so in l-
''I thought you'd never come for me again.''
Taehyung really doesn't know what to say or how to react to Jungkook's sudden confess, so he just stays quiet for the next few minutes. He can feel his heart beating out of his chest and it feels like the whole bed is spinning.
''How could I not?'' he hears himself say, but Jungkook doesn't catch it, the maknae already drifting back to sleep, and Taehyung isn't sure if that's good or bad. His throat feels tight, like he can't breathe.
(he can)
- - -
''We're leaving now!'' Seokjin yells from the hallway, opening the front door and letting Jimin and Hoseok literally leap outside, the two laughing and pushing each other, acting like kids. Yoongi sighs tiredly and steps out as well, seemingly already regretting being born, and Jungkook gives him a pitying grin. Taehyung just full on laughs at them, while Namjoon rolls his eyes and tells them not to burn down the fucking house. ''No promises.'' Taehyung says while winking and he swears he can hear Seokjin mumble something like ''we're gonna be homeless by the time we get back'' and Namjoon snickers.
''Bye bye hyungs!'' Jungkook yells, sounding like a child, and the door is slammed shut. The boys immediately sprint back to the living room, Taehyung laying out pillows and blankets on the floor while Jungkook turns on their television and Xbox, jamming an Overwatch CD inside, and waiting for the game to start running.
Jungkook looks so soft and young like this, hair messy, no makeup on and all his little blemishes and scars clearly visible on his beautiful face. He's wearing a white tee and a pair of black shorts, the brand name almost completely washed off.
Taehyung realizes he'd been staring for just a moment too long, because the younger one is now looking at him with a grin, bunny teeth as visible as ever, and Taehyung can feel himself melt. He sits down next to the maknae, allowing himself to sit close enough so their knees are touching. It seems like it's Jungkook's turn to stare now, gaze burning Taehyung and his heart fucking hurts, god. Thankfully (not really) a distraction soon comes, as the game finally kicks off, and they both almost lose their ability to hear as the television literally screams out in agony.
''What...the fuck turn it OFF OH My god wha-'' Taehyung yells, and Jungkook is laughing, he's laughing so loud, and Taehyung would probably faint because it's so nice, only if the god damn television wasn't overwhelming all of his senses, making his head ache. Suddenly everything's dead silent again except for Jungkook's laughter. Taehyung sighs and chuckles while holding his heart. ''I almost just died.'' he says dramatically and Jungkook is now laying on the floor, laughing like a maniac. ''Oh god I bet it was Hoseok who turned up the volume all the way up.'' Taehyung continues, crying out in agony. ''I'm so going to beat his ass when they get back.''
Not soon after that incident they've both calmed down, attention entirely focused on the game. Jungkook keeps winning the rounds, and every time he does, he gives Taehyung a cocky grin and Taehyung wants to punch (kiss) him. After 20 rounds and Jungkook winning 19 of them, Taehyung starts fake-crying and claiming that Jungkook is using hacks. Jungkook just laughs again, flailing his body in every possible direction. Taehyung hmpf's and turns his body away from the maknae. He can hear Jungkooks laughter dying down a bit, small giggles still escaping his mouth. Soon the younger's head is entering his vision again, as Jungkook crawls to sit right in front of Taehyung.
''Hyung~~~~'' he sing-songs, and Taehyung just rolls his eyes. Jungkook's smile falters and he starts pouting. ''Tae, it's not my fault that you suck at games.'' he says with a sigh, and Taehyung doesn't want to laugh at that but he does anyways. Jungkook just smirks, pout long gone, disappearing as quickly as it appeared. ''I can give you a consolation prize!'' Jungkook shouts suddenly, seeming pleased with his oh-so intellectual brilliance. The older one looks at him skeptically. Knowing Jungkook the prize is probably an empty bottle of water.
''I don't think I wanna know what it is. Besides consolation prizes are for noobs only. It's not like I've lost the game yet, you brat.'' Taehyung says, voice laced with satoori and humor. What he doesn't expect though is Jungkook's reaction, the younger's face falling just a tiny bit. Fans or their more distant friends wouldn't probably even notice anything, but Taehyung does, immediate regret washing over his thoughts and his features softening.
He doesn't have time to apologize or even ask if he said something wrong (he obviously did), because in a blink of an eye, the happy and bouncy Jungkook is back like nothing ever happened. ''Well, show me what you've got then!'' he says, crawling back to his previous spot and picking up the other controller. Taehyung feels unbelievably guilty, and he swears that if he didn't care about Jungkook as much as he does, he would probably start crying again. But he really doesn't want to worry Jungkook, and besides, what's there to cry about anyways? So he just mimics the maknae's actions, picking up the second controller and trying to focus on the game.
The evening goes by like a flash, and thankfully Jungkook doesn't seem too bothered about whatever even happened after winning again for a solid 15 times. Taehyung is feeling so so so so so so so so happy and amazing and grateful for having someone like Jungkook in his life, even as a friend. During nights like these it doesn't really matter what they are to each other, because in the end it's just the two of them there, in that moment.
Jungkook is brought back to reality by a rather harsh shove directed at his ribs, yelping in pain and turning to give Jungkook a disapproving look. ''Yah! What now?'' Jungkook just wiggles his eyebrows and sifts a bit closer. ''What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1.'' he says and hits his knee, doubling over like his own joke is the best thing he's ever heard anyone say. Taehyung really tries not to laugh, but Jungkooks reaction makes the situation fucking hilarious, and soon he's laughing just as hard as the younger one. For a split second it feels like he can't breathe.
(he can)
----
''Okay guys, start stretching and if you have time left after that, maybe go through the choreo by yourselves a couple of times? I'm gonna get changed!'' their choreographer shouts at them, receiving noises of approval. He nods and walks out of the practice room.
Jimin and Hoseok take turns helping each other stretch, Namjoon and Yoongi lazily trying to reach their toes while playing around on their phones. Taehyung hears Seokjin scoff from where the older man is situated next to him.
''Kids these days. Always on their phones. I'm sure one of them is going to fuck up their leg today.'' he says while frowning. Taehyung laughs, nodding along. ''You're right. I bet it's gonna be Namjoon though. I wouldn't be surprised.'' he notes. Seokjin just sighs while giving the two men a worried smile. It looks like he's about to move from beside Taehyung, ready to go scold the two members, so the younger boy decides it's time to speak up before it's too late. ''Hyung, I uh-'' he starts, and Seokjin looks at him.
Suddenly Taehyung feels nervous, because he doesn't want to make himself look or sound too obvious. ''Yeah. I was just- not like I care. I mean I'm his friend, of course I care but you know- in a friend way.'' he stutters, cheeks turning red. Fuck. He's so bad at this. And now Seokjin is giving him an amused look. ''Let me guess: Jungkook?'' he says, while wiggling his eyebrows and moving closer. Taehyung is so gone at this point, his whole face turning red now. Still, he decides that pretending like he isn't deadass almost about to die from worry is stupid, so he just lets his features drown in uneasiness and doubt. That seems to catch Seokjin off guard, because suddenly that worried look is back again, now targeted at Taehyung rather than Namjoon and Yoongi.
''Where is he?'' Taehyung asks, voice laced with concern. Seokjin stares at him, eyes softening. ''The managers said that he forgot something back at the dorm, so he and his manager went back to get it for him. They just dropped off Jimin and Hoseok here and went back. I think they'll be here soon, so don't worry.'' the elder says, and pats Taehyung's back. Before Taehyung can say anything, their choreographer is back and telling them to gather around on their arranged spots. Seokjin gets up first, offering Taehyung a hand and helping him up. The younger boy gives him a genuine smile and mouths a quiet 'thank you' to him. Seokjin smiles back at him, and then turns around to walk over to Namjoon and Yoongi. The two men look up at him in mild horror, while offering their best fake smiles. Taehyung just chuckles, watching the scene unfold in front of him.
He hopes Jungkook is okay.
-
''Alright, I think we can call it a day guys. Thanks for the practice!'' Taehyung hears their choreographer tell them, and he gets up so fast he thinks his back might break.
Jungkook did not show up to their practice.
His manager didn't make it either, which makes the whole situation even worse. The staff didn't receive any calls during the practice, and no one has heard from them. Taehyung is really trying to keep his shit together, but it's hard. It's so fucking hard, knowing that anything could've happened to all of them. Literally anything.
He doesn't know how Namjoon is feeling right now. The man is talking to the staff, sipping from a water bottle. Actually, how did he ever handle all of it? The interviews, the music shows, award speeches, mc'ing, the countless meetings with the management and the endless times one of the members had gotten injured. It's not easy, Taehyung knows. Still, he's also pretty sure Namjoon or any of the other members aren't in fucking love with Jungkook. Taehyung doesn't want to look at any of them, especially Seokjin. He feels so helpless and weak, like his legs may give out soon. He runs to the bathroom, locking the door. He hovers above the sink, forehead touching the small mirror.
As Taehyung had expected, he starts crying. He just stares down at the sink, images of a crashed car abandoned on the side of some busy road. It's pathetic, really. And he's probably overreacting too. Maybe their phones just died, or the car stopped working, or this is all just part of some sick joke. He truly wishes it is.
He quickly washes his face with freezing water, body not even reacting to the coldness. He feels numb, yet at the same time all his senses are overwhelmed. He exits the bathroom, feeling a tad bit better. Maybe it really is just some stupid prank? It wouldn't surprise him. They've joked about some pretty awful things in the past before. He forces a smile on his face, and steps out of the small bathroom.
Instead of cheerful yells and playful shoves, the other members telling him how easy it's to fool him, how naive he is, he's met with a heavy silence. He looks over the people in the room. The staff from earlier are there still, his own and the other member's managers as well, excluding Jungkook's'. It feels like everyone in the room is staring at him, and he doesn't know who to look at anymore. He's about to open his mouth and ask what the fuck is going on, but Namjoon is quicker.
''Taehyung...'' he says. His voice sounds so weird, like he had just received a punch to his stomach, all the air leaving his body.
No.
It's not weird. He sounds perfectly normal. Everything is fine, so why would he sound wrecked?
''The manager hyung and...'' the elder pauses, looking down at the floor now.
Why isn't anyone laughing?
''...and Jungkook. They were on their way back here and-'' at this point, Jimin starts crying, silently, and Taehyung barely notices, because he's trying so hard to stay composed and calm and not to fucking scream.
''...a car came up and- listen, no one knows the details yet but it was- a big thing. Nothing small and casual that happens to people all the time.'' Namjoon is rubbing his hands all over his face now, trying to regain his composure and strength. He's the leader. He has to endure it. He's not just a member of the group, he's more than that. He has his position.
''They were both sent to the hospital immediately, and it seems like hyung is doing well. He'll make it, hopefully.'' Taehyung nods along. He doesn't want to seem rude, but right now, at this moment, the only thing going through his head is a certain boy, with golden skin and the prettiest eyes and laughter. He keeps his mouth shut but his mind is foggy and so, so so so loud, that he almost passes out.
Namjoon doesn't say anything for a while, just stares at him, eyes shining and hands trembling. The staff starts exiting the room, one by one, hurriedly leaving the members all alone in the now deserted and cold space.
Taehyung feels like running away, but his legs don't work. He can't feel them.
He has no idea what's going on, yet he understands the situation perfectly. He can't see anything, yet he lets his gaze avert trough the room, noticing the members tear-stained cheeks. He can't feel anything, yet his heart is suddenly being ripped apart, tossed around and set on fire. Everything is falling apart, it feels like he's standing inside a building that's coming down, piece by piece. He can't hear anything, yet he still hears just enough.
''He...'' Namjoon starts, and it comes out as a whisper, an unwanted confession. It sounds like confusion, misery, sadness, downfall...
Like death.
''...he's gone.''
And in that moment, Taehyung, the boy who fell for his best friend, on one chilly morning in the middle of nowhere, in a small camper, on that stupid fucking bed, truly can't breathe.
(he can't)