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This time when he woke in Etain’s bed, Darman managed not to be surprised by it.
It took a few hazy seconds longer than it normally would have for him to realize that he wasn’t in the barracks. He was cold, and something was missing that shouldn’t be, but this time, he felt safe. He blinked leisurely back into consciousness and saw Etain perched just at the edge of the mattress, her back turned to him.
Some part of his mind protested that before he was even awake enough consider it. He was cold and still sleepy. Shouldn’t she still be here, curled against him?
Darman’s first impulse was to pull Etain back onto the bed. He got as far as sitting up and reaching for her arm- it was early, maybe even early enough that… - before he registered the fact that she was already half-dressed, wet hair loosely braided, tunic in hand. At first, Darman wasn’t sure why that bothered him, and then wakefulness, and with it memory, caught up with him. He pulled back, just shy of brushing fingers over the freckles on her shoulder, and knotted an awkward fist in the blanket covering his lap instead.
He should say something, he knew. He watched her back curve as she bent to fix a fastening or straighten a seam and tried to think of something. Good morning seemed somehow… trite, all things considered, but he would have settled for it if he could manage to get the words out of his suddenly stubborn throat. He bit his lip, trying to prod his voice into working, when she turned to look over her shoulder at him, maybe sensing the attention with her Force-skills, maybe just responding to the movement.
“Hey,” she said in a voice so soft that he reflexively leaned forward to hear her better. She turned a little further, twisting towards him and draping one knee back on the bed. The corners of her eyes creased with the faint curve of her lips into a smile, but she didn’t reach for him. Her arms crossed against her chest for just the barest moment before she seemed to realize what she was doing and unfolded them.
He cleared his throat, forcing his heart back down out of it. “Hi.”
He smiled back at her, too slow, and her gaze dropped down to the sheets, as if she also wasn’t quite sure what to say. Her arms crossed again, almost protectively he thought, although her expression didn’t change.
It was stupid to be this shy when he was sitting naked in her bed, when he had just woken up naked in her bed, but Etain seemed to be feeling it too. At first that was comforting; it wasn’t just him out of his depth and stumbling to find something to say. Neither of them were much good at this yet.
But that thought sent little warning bells scrambling through Darman’s brain, much as he wished they wouldn’t.
They had… experimented a little before this. Enough to work out that neither of them had much experience with kissing or, well, anything else. To fumble through and decide that trying felt nice anyway. But things hadn’t gotten quite this far before last night. And even though Etain had been patient and gentle through the awkward spots, had asked him to hold and touch and kiss her even after things hadn’t quite gone to plan …
After another long moment of neither of them saying anything, Darman straightened. He gestured self-consciously at the bare centimeters between their bodies then made himself ask, “Etain, is this… is this still okay?”
She froze for the longest half-second, as if the question had startled her. He forced himself to keep breathing anyway, and ignored the impulse to suddenly replay every embarrassing mistake he’d made over the last few days. If she’s changed her mind, it will be-
He was working on wrapping his mind around the word okay, because okay was not exactly how it felt, but then suddenly Etain was grabbing his hand, lacing her fingers through his.
“Yes. Of course. Is this… are you-”
“Yes! Yes. I just” he shrugged, face heating, “I thought you might be having second thoughts, after…everything. And if you were I would-”
He stopped when Etain squeezed his hand, her own face slightly pink.
“I think,” she said deliberately, “that we just need a lot more practice.”
“Practice.”
“Practice. Like I said last night. So we can get better at it.”
“Oh.” Darman wasn’t entirely sure he remembered that, but there had been a lot going on. “That seems like a reasonable suggestion.”
She laughed. “I thought so. You can’t perfect something without ample experience.”
He liked this train of reasoning. It seemed promising. Still, even with the warmth that was spreading again through his gut, he wasn’t entirely distracted. He had to make sure.
“I just wanted to be certain. You seemed hesitant. I know it’s been a little awkward-” he hurried on, even as she started to shake her head, “and it has to be hard going against the Jedi Code-”
“Darman.” Another squeeze of the hand, though this time her voice and grip were firmer than before. She smiled again, more widely. “I think… this is all new. And that’s a little overwhelming. But I’m not worried about the Code. And I don’t regret it.”
“Oh,” he said again. Then. “In that case, I should probably tell you good morning.”
Etain laughed again, louder, and Darman felt the tension in his shoulders finally fall away.
“Good morning.” Leaning in, she kissed his forehead. Then she stood in one surprisingly agile motion, before Darman had the chance to react. “We still have a little time before we’re missed. I don’t think everyone else will be awake yet who isn’t on watch, but you should get cleaned up. Someone will notice if we show up late and half-dressed in the hall when everyone else is headed to breakfast.”
As she spoke, Etain was tugging on the tunic, fastening a small row of white buttons up the front, one by one. Darman watched, making no immediate attempt to pull himself out of her bed. Her skin and hair were still damp from the showers, so that the fabric clung. As she turned to retrieve her boots, bustling and purposeful as a shiny about to face a Sargent’s inspection.
Now that his mind was at ease, it was free to wander. He found in drifting right back to the earlier train of thought. Etain seemed determined to get the day moving, fastening a boot strap as she more or less hopped. But the number on battered chrono face was still workable. And he hadn’t gotten to kiss her. Maybe Darman was new to this, but that seemed like something that needed fixing.
He rolled out of the bed up onto his feet, letting the blankets pool to the floor, and stretched. Etain froze as if caught in a tractor beam, one hand still hovering over the door access panel. She stared pointedly at him, and it might have been uncomfortable if he hadn’t heard the little hitch in her breath. Her already pink face flushed red.
Instead of shrinking back in embarrassment, Dar found himself grinning. He liked this. He liked the way she was looking at him, and he liked making her blush. It was almost as good as doing something about it.
Taking advantage of her distraction, he cleared the distance between them, tilted her chin upwards with a gentle hand, and captured her mouth with his. Surprised, she took a moment to react, but then he felt her shifting up onto tiptoes, small fingers fluttering briefly over the bare skin of his waist.
The kiss was uncoordinated, graceless, and wonderful. His pulse thudded in his ears as he wrapped an arm around her, steadying them both and pulling her closer. Again, he seriously considered pulling her back across the room, back onto the bed and pinning her there until she kissed him again.
He snuck a hand under her shirt, as if to test the impulse, stroking a casual thumb across her belly the same way that had made her shudder last night. She swore in response and he laughed, attempting to mute the rude Huttese with another kiss. Taking her compliance as a good sign, he squeezed her hip and steered her clumsily away from the door.
“Dirty trick,” she insisted, stumbling a step or two backwards anyway.
Darman wasn’t sure if the trick in question was stealing a kiss while she was distracted or pressing his advantage, but he didn’t think she actually minded. If anything, she was leading him now, her previous warnings about time and not being missed entirely forgotten.
A little nagging voice in the back of his head, one he didn’t want to listen to, reminded him that Etain had been right when she said those things. Their brief window of respite from the mission was drawing to a close. If they were both noticed missing, or worse, if someone, Delta maybe, found him in bed with the General, there would be trouble.
It was a small voice, though, not quite loud enough to cut through the fog. It took the slamming of a nearby door to do it.
The noise startled them both, even muffled as it was. Etain pulled back, and Darman pressed a hand to his mouth, stifling his own little curse. Darman could just make out voices, one of which, General Jusik’s, seeming unnaturally loud as it passed. They waited for the footsteps to fade and for Jusik’s voice to disappear around the corner, and then Dar let his shoulders slump.
One look at Etain, who was trying hard to smooth the creases out of her tunic, and he knew the moment was lost.
“You should get cleaned up and dressed,” she said, avoiding eye contact, and he thought it was either from embarrassment or fear of where it would lead, right up until she pulled him back down by his bicep and kissed his cheek. “I’ll save you a cup of caf.”
Darman shook his head. His brothers would probably have drained the pot by the time he retrieved a change of civvies from his and Fi’s room and made it out of the ’fresher, but Etain knowing and acting on that might make them even more suspicious than they already probably were.
“You go on ahead. I’ll see you at the morning briefing. But-” He swallowed, then continued more softly. “Maybe I could come by later, after my watch and we could, uh, practice? If that would be alright.”
This time Etain looked him right in the eye as she smiled. “I think I’d like that.”