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Poe Dameron made me nervous. Ever since I’d arrived at D’Qar, he went out of his way to make sure our paths crossed, practically on a daily basis, with the same request.
“Just one little race. What can it hurt?”
Every single time, I said no. But he was going to do everything in his power to change my mind, to wear me down. To win.
I was late to the mess hall for breakfast one morning when I heard someone call my name. I turned to see Poe, hand raised to get my attention as he sat at a table with six other pilots. He waved me over and I begrudgingly made my way to him.
“Morning,” he said, a little too chirper for such an early hour.
“What do you want, Dameron?”
He spread his hands. “I can’t say good morning?”
“Of course you can but it’s obvious you want something so you might as well spit it out.”
He tilted his head to the side. “You’ve been here…what? Seven months now? Still haven’t seen you fly.”
“Because I’m not on your squadron. I’ve been in the air plenty of times. Just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened.”
He propped his elbows on the table. “Yeah, but you were the top pick of transfers. And General Organa had only good things to say about you so I’m…”
“Jealous?” I put in for him.
“Curious, was the word I was going to use.”
“Sounds like you’re worried I might be encroaching on your turf.”
The corner of his mouth tipped up and he caught his bottom lip between his teeth. An unwelcome prickle of heat crept up my neck, dangerously close to spreading across my cheeks and my gaze slid sideways. I had no idea where that heat came from. While we didn’t necessarily hate each other, I didn’t consider Poe even remotely close to being a friend, let alone anything more than that. So why couldn’t I make eye contact with him?
“It’s good to have a challenge every once in a while,” he replied.
I bristled. “I’m not a challenge for you to conquer.”
“Didn’t mean it that way,” he said, his tone softening in apology. “All I’m saying is that I like having some friendly competition around.”
“I’m not racing you, Poe.”
“Not even one lap around the planet?”
I shook my head. “I’ve got a job to do.”
“You know what they say about all work and no play.”
“And yet my answer remains the same.”
Poe gestured to the pilots around him. “I found out this morning that there are a few bets being taken around here. Half the base says you can beat me by a long shot.”
“I really don’t care,” I said.
That damned smirk played across his lips again as he stood and came closer towards me until we were standing mere inches apart. I forced myself to look him in the eye even though my stomach was twisted so tight and my lungs were hollow.
Poe always felt slippery to me, like I couldn’t pin him down. Just when I thought we were having a relatively normal conversation, he would say something to throw me off and I’d find myself in territory I wasn’t prepared for, riddled with double meanings like land mines. One wrong move, one false step and I’d find myself tongue-tied with embarrassment.
“Come on,” he said, leaning even closer still. “I just want to see you fly.”
I refused to retreat, to concede even an inch of ground in case he considered it a victory.
“No you don’t,” I said. “You want to beat me so you retain your title as the best pilot in the Resistance.”
“You have to admit, you’d like to take that title away from me, wouldn’t you?”
“I don’t have to admit anything. I’m here to work for General Organa. Nothing more.”
Before Poe could say anything else, I turned and walked away.
***
Three days later, Poe caught up to me as I sat on a stack of crates in the docking bay, looking over my assignments on my datapad. I had half an hour before I had to head out for my first mission which gave me just enough time to finish off my caf that had grown cold.
Poe slid onto the crate next to me, bumping my shoulder, his knee knocking against mine. He was always like that, so familiar with everyone, a jostle here, a nudge there, as if each person he came across was an old friend he hadn’t seen in years, even if he hardly knew them.
It might have put me at ease if there wasn’t that gleam in his eye when he looked at me, like he was enjoying a private joke at my expense. He may be friends with everyone else but I preferred to keep him at a distance.
I shifted to the far end of the crate until I could no longer feel the heat of Poe’s leg against my thigh.
“I owe you an apology,” he said.
My eyebrows shot up. “For…?”
“I put you on the spot the other day in the mess hall. I shouldn’t have done that.”
I set aside my datapad and squinted at him.
He shrugged. “What?”
“You’re okay with my decision to not race then?”
He hesitated.
“I knew it,” I said, shaking my head.
“Hold on a minute. Hear me out.”
“What is there to hear, Dameron? My answer is no. End of story.”
Poe’s droid trundled around the crate and beeped at him.
“I know, BB-Eight,” Poe said without looking down. “I’m working on it.”
He shifted to fully face me this time. “It’s just you and me now. Give it to me straight. What do you have against a harmless race between pilots?”
“I don’t have to prove myself to you, or to anyone on this base except General Organa, that’s why. I’m here to fight, not fool around. I worked hard to get where I am and I’m not going to throw it away because of a race.”
He nodded slowly. “Fair enough. I can see why you were chosen. Dedicated and definitely no nonsense.”
“Why does that sound like it’s not a compliment coming from you?”
He grinned and my stomach dropped. Before I could stop him, he hooked a finger over my datapad. I scrambled to grab it but my palm smacked the crate, empty. Poe set it on the other side of him and he leaned back on his hands, pleased with himself. I looked at my datapad in dismay. I’d have to reach past Poe in order to retrieve it and I really did not want to get that close to him.
BB-8 tapped Poe’s foot once, hard and indignant, and stared up at him as if to say, don’t be rude.
“Give it back, Dameron,” I said, holding out my hand, trying my best to mask the annoyance rising hot and fast in my veins.
“You deserve a break every once in a while,” he said, grating against my already dwindling patience. “Maybe enjoy some pleasant company.”
“When I find some, I’ll let you know.”
He laughed softly. “I left the door wide open for that one.”
“Yes you did. Now, would you stop acting like a kindergarten brat and give me my datapad?”
“You forgot the magic word.”
“I swear, Poe, I will punch you,” I growled.
“You’d prefer to go a round or two on the sparring mat instead of a race?”
I gritted my teeth and before he could move away in time, I dumped my cold caf right in his lap. BB-8 let out a surprised whoop. Poe scrambled to his feet, pants dripping wet and more than likely going to stain. I snatched my datapad and headed to my x-wing, wishing I’d had iced caf on hand instead.
***
A month later, Poe got his wish. He saw me fly. But not in the way he wanted to.
A dozen TIE fighters had latched onto my squadron, tearing us to shreds until we were in shambles. A request for back up was sent out to D’Qar. Poe and his squadron arrived to cover for us but the damage was already done. Half of my squadron was gone and my ship was coming apart at the seams after I’d taken one too many hits. I gripped the controls so tightly that they were imprinted on my palms as I struggled to keep my ship in the air.
Poe’s voice crackled over my comm. “Echo Two,” he said. “What’s your status?”
“Left thruster is out of commission,” I replied. “And my right is failing.”
“Can you make it to base?”
The ship heaved and shuddered, and for the span of one stuttering heartbeat, stalled completely. My stomach dropped as the x-wing plummeted, nose pointed downward towards the forest below. Then the engine kicked into gear again and the ship returned to face the horizon line.
“If I’m really, really lucky,” I said. “I might be able to milk it along. But I wouldn’t count on it.”
“Black Four,” Poe said.
“Present.”
“Get the rest of the Echo squadron back to D’Qar. I’ll stay with Echo Two.”
“Black Leader,” I cut in, “that’s not necessary – “
“Those are orders, Echo Two.”
I snapped my mouth shut and clenched my teeth.
I watched as my squadron was escorted back to base, fading until they disappeared into the stars, leaving my coughing ship behind. Poe remained in tight formation on my left and the silence was strange. He didn’t tease me, didn’t say anything at all, as I focused every ounce of my attention on maintaining my ship’s flight.
“How are you holdin’ up?” Poe said at last. The absence of my call sign and the quiet, careful tone he used told me it wasn’t a question from a superior officer this time. Just Poe.
“Fine,” I said, my voice as tight as my grip on the controls.
“Didn’t mean to bark at you earlier.”
“Come on, Poe. I was giving you lip. I know better than that.”
“I don’t want you to think – “
My right thruster, weak as it was, choked, wheezed and spat out a shower of sparks before it went dead. For a split second, I was floating in grim silence. I flicked at switches furiously, desperate and pleading to keep flying, please, keep flying.
Then the forest canopy was rushing towards me, a swath of menacing green. Distantly, through the haze of panic clouding my mind, I could hear Poe’s voice.
“Eject now,” he said, his tone too forced and rigid to be calm. “I repeat, hit the emergency evacuation switch on your – “
I slammed the red button to my right, preparing to be ripped out of my seat and my parachute to be released, but there was nothing. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized it must have taken damage in the skirmish too, but I kept pressing that button, over and over, harder and harder.
I fumbled beneath my seat for the secondary ejection lever but it was too late. The forest had already swept past my viewport and I was in the trees, my ship tossed and rattled like a toy. I latched onto my controls and did my best to navigate a landing that wouldn’t get me killed.
With a screech of steel and splintering wood, the left wing was torn free and my ship jerked to the side. Any semblance of control was stripped from my hands as the x-wing carved into the earth. Pain exploded through my body on impact and I jerked forward like a ragdoll, knocked out cold.
***
The burning in my right leg woke me, hacking and slashing through my consciousness with livid rage. I groaned and slowly, carefully raised my head. The ship was on its side, half of the shredded cockpit buried in the black dirt. A spider web of icy white cracks skittered over the front viewport while the side viewport above me had been blown out completely. I shifted in my seat to unhook my safety belts and fresh pain lanced through my leg. Dreading what I would see, I looked down.
A piece of steel shrapnel the size of my fist protruded from my thigh, a pool of rose red blossoming across the orange of my flight suit. I braced a hand against the side of the ship, my other hand hovering above my shaking leg. It didn’t look like an artery had been hit but as soon as I pulled that shrapnel out, I’d need to find my medkit fast to stop the bleeding. And at the moment, with my ship in pieces all around me, I had no idea where my medkit was or if I’d lost it on my rough landing.
I jabbed at the comm, hoping, praying that I could contact Poe. But there was only silence, not even a rustle of static. I closed my eyes and bowed my head. I’d have to get myself out of this on my own then.
Somewhere in the whispering rush of the wind through the battered and broken trees overhead, I heard my name, faint with distance. Poe’s voice.
“Here!” I yelled as loud as I could, my head throbbing at the noise. “I’m here!”
I continued to respond to Poe’s calls anyway until he grew closer. And I was never more relieved to see him in my life than when his face popped into view above me.
“Are you okay?” he said.
I hesitated. “…no.”
His lips tightened with concern. “I’m coming in.”
I pressed myself into the seat as far as I could without moving, my teeth gritted at the burn even that slight shift caused. “Don’t step on me.”
“Despite what you might think, I do have a little more finesse than a Neanderthal.”
“That’s debatable.”
He huffed a short laugh. “You sound perfectly fine to me.”
The cockpit was a tight fit for one person already, but with two people, it was even tighter. Poe lowered himself in and kicked out the damaged front viewport to give himself a little more room as he crouched next to me, so close I could feel the heat radiating off of him. He took one look at my leg and sucked in a faint breath through his teeth.
But when he raised his head to meet my gaze, there was the hint of a brave smile pasted in place to keep me calm.
“It’s not too bad,” he said. “Nothing to worry about.”
“Just a scratch?” I said, playing along.
He hummed in agreement and his smile was a little less brave and a little more real this time. “Exactly.”
He eased my helmet off and set it aside as his other hand settled on my knee inches away from the shrapnel. I flinched with a strangled noise.
“Jesus, Poe,” I hissed. “Please don’t touch it.”
He flattened his palm against my leg, fingers curling behind my knee with a steady pressure to still the shock beginning to shiver through me.
“I won’t,” he replied.
“You always touch and poke at everything.”
“I swear, babe, I’ll sit here until the medics arrive and that’s all.”
I nodded and dug my fingers into the edge of the seat for something to hold onto, to ground myself. I closed my eyes, tipped my head back and only then did it sink in what Poe had said. My eyes flew open.
“What did you just call me?” I said, my voice high-pitched with surprise.
He smirked. “Took you a second to catch on, didn’t it?”
“You’re…flirting with me? Now? When I’m bleeding and in shock?”
“Have been since the first day you set foot on base.”
I stared at him, bewildered and flattered, a confusing, jumbled mess of feelings that I didn’t know what to do with.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” I said, my words jumping and twitching, from the adrenaline wearing off and the shock setting in, or from Poe’s admission, I couldn’t tell. “I thought…I thought you were picking on me because you didn’t like me.”
“Honey,” he said with a gentle, withering look. “I couldn’t have been any more obvious about it. Practically the whole base knew except you.”
A wobbly, weak laugh bubbled up my throat until a fresh flare of heat rocketed through my leg and I broke off on a gasp.
“You never told me,” I rasped. “Not outright.”
“Yes I did.”
“When?” I demanded.
“I said I liked having friendly competition around.”
I sputtered with disbelief. “Poe, that does not count. You have to say it point blank, to my face. Otherwise I don’t get it.”
“You’re smart. I knew you’d pick up on it eventually.”
I grimaced as hindsight became blindingly clear. “Stars, you’re right. You were so obvious. Why didn’t I see that?”
“I’m pretty sure you figured it out a long time ago but you didn’t want to admit it. Whenever I talked to you, I got you flustered without even trying.”
I groaned and dropped my head back against the seat. “I hate you, Dameron.”
“You can dump caf in my lap again if it’ll make you feel better.”
“Stop.”
Poe peeled my fingers away from the seat and clasped my hand. He didn’t even wince when my fingernails carved into the back of his hand, leaving crescent moon tattoos behind. His palm was cool and smooth against the burning heat of my own skin. My teeth were starting to chatter and it was getting harder to sit still with my whole body shivering. I felt loose, disjointed, like I was being dragged through clouds of cotton. My head tipped forward, consciousness slipping, before I jerked upright again with a wince at the harsh movement.
“Stay awake,” Poe said quietly. “Talk to me.”
“About what?”
“Anything. I finally got to see you fly. You certainly didn’t disappoint.”
I managed a dry, croaking sound of acknowledgment. “And I almost killed myself in the process.”
“I’d say you did just fine considering most pilots wouldn’t have maintained control as long as you were able to with half a thruster and no engine.”
I said nothing, thinking only of the raw fear pulsing through my veins when the memory of the forest canopy rushed up to greet me while my controls were unresponsive in my hands and all I could do was fall.
“I’ve never crashed like that before,” I whispered. “Not that hard. It was…”
“Terrifying,” he put in, his thumb brushing back and forth over my knuckles. “Wasn’t easy to watch either, believe me.”
There was something in his tone, just a wisp of it, that made me realize I’d been mistaken about Poe all this time. At first, I thought he was full of himself and irritating. But listening to his reassurances in this small space of the cockpit, his fingers nestled at the back of my knee to stabilize my leg when I couldn’t do it myself, this was the behavior of a man who valued loyalty instead of his reputation.
Poe glanced towards the sky as if something, some sound, caught his attention.
“I was…wrong about you,” I said, fighting to keep my eyes open. “I’m…sorry.”
He looked down at me with the ghost of a smile at the corner of his mouth. “I’ll gladly remind of you that later when you’re a little closer to consciousness,” he said.
I frowned, my thoughts slowing to a sluggish, uneven pace, my chin dipped to my chest. “You’re…teasing…again.”
He hummed lightly as he shifted towards me. “Yes I am.”
His voice was so near this time, a low, deep rumble of vibration sliding over me. He released my hand as he worked at my safety straps and I shook my head.
“W…wait, Poe,” I said despite my tongue glued to the roof of my mouth. “I’ll…fall.”
“You’ve done enough of that for one day. I’ve got you, I promise.”
“But…”
“I can hear the medics. You’ll be home before you know it.”
Through my hazy thoughts, I pieced things together. Poe was preparing to move me, pull me out of the broken viewport, and I knew what any kind of movement would bring. I swallowed a whimper.
As the safety straps dropped away, Poe slid his arms around me, holding me there in my seat for a moment longer. I wrapped my arms around his neck and gripped fistfuls of his flight suit to brace myself. He splayed one hand against my back, the other tucked beneath my knee again. I didn’t breathe, couldn’t breathe, as I buried my face in his shoulder.
“Ready?” he said, his chin skimming the top of my head.
I nodded, tense and waiting.
“Relax, babe,” he whispered. “You have to breathe through this or else it’ll hurt more.”
Before I could protest, Poe tightened his hold and lifted me up and I remembered nothing else.
***
“You’re supposed to be resting,” Poe said.
He crossed his arms as he stood by my bedside in the med bay. Despite sitting around for two weeks, my right leg was still stiff and sore and made moving around a slow, laborious task.
“I can do that in my own quarters,” I replied.
“Like that’s going to happen.” Poe took my hands and helped me sit on the edge of my bed. “As soon as you leave this room, you’re headed straight to the landing pad.”
I retrieved my crutches from where they were propped up against the wall.
“Problem?” I said.
“I told you, I looked over the replacement ship that was delivered myself. It’s just like your old one.”
“Poe,” I said, stopping in front of him. “If your x-wing was totaled and you had to get used to flying a brand new ship all over again, would you trust anyone else to check it out?”
He hesitated then shrugged. “Maybe.”
I cast a sideways glance at him. “That means no. Don’t worry, it’s nothing personal.”
“You forgive me then?”
I blinked, startled. “Forgive you for what?”
But I didn’t need to ask and he didn’t need to tell me. For the two weeks that I’d been in the med bay, Poe had visited daily but neither one of us had brought up our conversation in the aftermath of the crash. Sometimes, it felt more like a dream than reality. I wasn’t used to this, falling for someone, and I’d slipped back into my old habits where it was safe and familiar, putting Poe at a distance again.
“Every time you see me these days,” he said, “you look like you’re about to bolt. Really wasn’t my intention, by the way.”
“Poe…” I said, a faint pleading note in my voice. “It’s not…”
He stared at me, waiting. I blew out a breath of frustration but before I could say anything more, he gestured to the door.
“Never mind,” he said. “Forget about it, all right? Let’s go.”
Guilt surged up my throat but I stomped it down and made my way to the landing pad with Poe at my elbow, despite how agonizingly slow my pace was.
***
I couldn’t sleep. My leg was pounding with a furious burn and every time I closed my eyes, I was hurtling through the empty void of space in my x-wing, my controls dead in my hands.
I pushed out of bed, grabbed my crutches, and hobbled out of my quarters. The midnight hours on base weren’t likely to offer much of a distraction but I was sure I could find something to do. After walking the corridors for about an hour, I found myself in the common room, playing a game of dejarik against myself, my aching leg propped up on the couch.
“You don’t seem to grasp this concept of resting.”
I twisted around to see Poe at the door in sweats and a dark green v-neck t-shirt. He shuffled into the room, running a hand through his tousled curls. He settled on the couch beside me, placing my leg in his lap. For a moment, I considered pulling away, but this was the softer side of Poe that I’d seen in the wreck, a side of him that, I suspected, only came out on rare occasions. His palm skimmed along my shin with a light, comforting rhythm and I allowed myself to stay put, for a few minutes at least.
“What are you doing up so late?” I said.
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“That’s not an answer.”
The corner of his mouth lifted just slightly. “Can’t sleep when I’ve got an early morning assignment on the books. You?”
I hitched up one shoulder in a half-shrug and returned my attention to the game. “Not tired.”
“I’m going to take a stab in the dark here. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong but…is it the crash that’s keeping you awake?”
I sank back against the couch. “I’ve crashed before. I don’t know why it bothers me this time.”
“Because it could have gone very wrong.”
I made no reply, watching the ghostly dejarik figures flickering, restless for my next move. Poe tipped his head to the side to look me in the eye.
“That’s not all though, is it?” he said. “There’s something else.”
I pushed the game aside and slid deeper into the couch, my arms wrapped around my middle.
“I’m…concerned,” I hedged.
“About…?”
“I totaled my ship, Poe. What if people start thinking I can’t do my job because I screwed up?”
He leaned closer, propped his elbow on the couch beside me and slid his hand up to curl around my leg just below my knee, his gaze steady and unwavering.
“Hey,” he said. “Don’t worry about what other people think, okay? You did an excellent job out there. You were in an impossible situation and you got out alive, somehow, because of your flying. You did that. Nobody else.”
I nodded with a faint smile. “Thank you, Poe.”
He reached up and brushed his thumb over my chin. “You’re a terrible liar, you know. You can barely keep your eyes open, you’re so exhausted.”
I sighed. “When I try to sleep, it feels as if I’m falling all over again. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when I get back into the cockpit.”
“Rough at first but you’ll get used to it.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Every pilot has a nightmare crash like that at least once.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You?”
He nodded. “When I first started flight school. I’d been flying for a while already and I got…cocky I guess.”
“Well that’s not hard to believe.”
He narrowed his eyes as his fingers slipped under my knee with the lightest pinch. I yipped and tried to pull away but he kept a firm grip on my ankle. If I really wanted to, I could escape with a knee to his face but I didn’t intend to hurt him, only tease him a little in return for toying with me repeatedly.
“Anyway,” he said with a sideways glance in my direction. “I was in the med bay for a month. Half of my ribs were broken. Almost severed my spine.”
I sobered up fast. “That sounds…”
“Terrifying?” he finished for me. “Yes it was.”
“And you wanted to fly again after that?”
“Hell yeah I did.”
“Why?”
He paused, staring at the floor, his thumb rubbing lazy circles on my skin.
“It’s pure freedom in the sky,” he said. “The fear of falling is what makes flying so much sweeter.”
That gleam in his eyes returned as he tilted his head back against the couch. “Besides,” he continued. “I have the feeling when you set your mind to something, like getting in that cockpit, nothing will stop you. That’s all I’m saying.”
“Dameron,” I said in a mock warning tone, “if you mention the caf incident again…”
He laughed, soft and deep and so warm with contentment. “You brought it up, not me.”
“You started it.”
“Now who’s the kindergarten brat?”
I shoved at his shoulder. “Shut up, Poe. Just for that, you get to sit here alone while I go to bed.”
“You could stay. If you like. I’m not sleeping, you’re not sleeping, might as well make the most of it.”
I studied him for a moment, considering. “Depends on your definition of what ‘make the most of it’ means.”
He scraped his teeth over his bottom lip and I could have sworn, by the look in his eyes, that he knew how unsettling such an action was to me. Heat swept up my neck and my gaze darted away in search of more neutral territory.
Poe leaned over my feet and pulled the dejarik game closer.
“You won’t race,” he said, “and you won’t spar. Got any excuses for a dejarik match?”
“They’re not excuses, Poe. They’re perfectly acceptable reasons.”
He gestured to the hologram board. “Is that a yes in your own roundabout way?”
“What’s the magic word?”
“Pretty please?”
“Then yes, I’d be happy to kick your ass.”
Poe sputtered with laughter until a flush of color spread across his cheeks. “About time I got some trash talk out of you. I was beginning to think you weren’t human. You wouldn’t bite for anything.”
I shook my head and rubbed at my eye with one palm. “It’s late and I’m tired. Don’t hold me accountable to what I say.”
“I’ll be sure to remember every word out of your mouth.”
I groaned.
I slaughtered him in the first match and shamelessly gloated over my victory which earned me an eye roll from Poe.
“I went easy on you,” he said.
“Like hell you did, Dameron. I beat you, fair and square.”
“You’ll never get me to admit it. Best two out of three.”
But when I beat him for a second time, he wasn’t quite so willing to play a third round until I poked him in the ribs and he relented.
After Poe surrendered to a third match and the game was pushed aside, I could feel myself starting to drift off. Poe settled further into the couch, his eyes closed, and I found it to be surprisingly easy, this pause when the base was still mostly dreaming, the pounding adrenaline rush of the Resistance was far away and it was only me and Poe, barely awake.
Then a memory bobbed to the surface, one I’d forgotten about.
“Poe?” I whispered.
He didn’t open his eyes. “Yeah?”
“Before the crash, you said something. You didn’t want me to think…what?”
Slowly, he opened his eyes, frowned slightly in concentration, and as he remembered, his palm curved over the top of my foot.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “It wasn’t anything important.”
He was lying, brushing it off, I could tell. He was too tired to make a good show of changing the subject like he usually did so skillfully.
“Poe,” I repeated, firmer this time, serious.
He tipped his head to the side to look at me.
“What was it?” I said. “Please.”
He went so still and so quiet that I almost thought he would get up and leave, or at the very least refuse to answer.
“Whether I was your superior officer or not,” he said at last, his gaze trained on the wall across from him. “I wouldn’t have left you to go down on your own. I didn’t want you to think that I was only doing my job. It was more than that.”
“But you said it was an order.”
“Well, I…bent the truth a little bit. You’re a pilot, a damn good one too, and that means as long as we’re in the air, I won’t leave you high and dry.”
I hesitated before my fingers slipped into the crook of Poe’s elbow.
“I’m glad you decided to stick around,” I said.
He glanced at me and a faint little smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as his palm resumed skimming back and forth over my leg.
I don’t remember drifting off to sleep but when I woke, Poe had slipped a little lower on the couch until his legs were stretched out in front of him, one arm hooked over my ankle, his hand resting on my uninjured thigh. His head was bowed, chin against his chest, his breathing steady and even. Sound asleep, even though his assignment must be due any minute now.
I didn’t want to wake him, not yet, but I knew he wouldn’t be happy if he missed his assignment. Tentatively, I brushed a curl away from his forehead and touched his shoulder.
“Poe,” I said as gently as I could.
He blinked awake slowly with a raspy hum.
“You fell asleep,” I said.
He sat up, fully alert. “What time is it?”
“I’m not sure but you should probably get moving.”
He eased out from under my leg, propping a pillow beneath my knee. He started for the door then turned back and his fingertips barely touched the exposed skin of my ankle again.
“I had fun last night,” he said. “Even though you beat me.”
I grinned. “Three times.”
He grinned in return. “And I remember every word you said too.”
My shoulders drooped. “Stars, you’re going to make me regret more than a few things, aren’t you?”
He laughed as he backed up towards the door and walked away.
***
For the next week, Poe was practically non-existent, he was so busy. And I almost…well, I wouldn’t say that I missed him, but I noticed how quiet it was on base without his presence that seemed to take over a room in an instant.
I was starting to get itchy with boredom too, after being grounded for so long. I spent hours on the landing pad outside, away from the stifling closeness of the base. Watching ships come and go was strangely soothing, despite the fact that I couldn’t be in the air.
“Looking for anyone special?”
I jumped at Poe’s voice behind me, right beside my ear.
“Dameron, don’t sneak up on me like that.”
He nudged my shoulder with his. “Are you hungry? I’m headed to the mess hall for lunch if you want to grab a bite to eat.”
“Do you have time? I mean, you’ve hardly been on base lately.”
He raised an eyebrow. “Pining after my pleasant company, were you?”
I retrieved one of my crutches and delivered a light whack to his leg.
“Enjoying the peace and quiet actually,” I replied.
“You were the one who said I was a delight to be around.”
My eyebrows shot up. “When did I say that?”
He screwed one eye shut in exaggerated concentration. “That little detail seems to have slipped my mind.”
“Of course.”
“You were very generous with your compliments at the time though. You said I was handsome and charming and – “
I choked and took another swipe at him with my crutch but he dodged it easily.
“Then again,” he continued, “you were practically unconscious.”
“That is not…no! That’s not what I said!”
“Really?”
“I said that I was wrong about – “
I stopped too late, realizing that I’d walked right into Poe’s trap.
“Yes?” he said, his eyes bright. “You were saying?”
“Shut up,” I sulked. “You lied to an invalid. That’s just low.”
He burst out laughing, the same deep, contented laugh, color flushed across his face, that I’d seen in the common room. I bit the inside of my cheek to fight back the immediate smile that tugged at my own lips in response.
“You’re not an invalid, babe,” he said.
My smile vanished and my eyes widened. “Do not call me that on base, Poe.”
“So you don’t have a problem with it off base then. Good to know.”
“Christ,” I muttered. “I changed my mind. You’re still a pain in the ass.”
I reached for my second crutch but before I could get to it, Poe pulled it away. I growled as I held out my hand.
“Give it back, Dameron,” I demanded.
“It’s gonna cost you.”
“Cost me what? You stole it. And don’t you dare say a race.”
He put up his hands in surrender. “Borrowed temporarily. And I wasn’t going to.”
“Not a round on the sparring mats either.”
“That hardly seems fair since you’re hopping around on one leg.”
“Then what do you want?”
He paused, considering. “One little kiss should do the trick.” He tapped his cheek. “Right here.”
“You are so full of…” I shook my head. “Just give it to me already.”
I wobbled to my feet, not entirely certain what course of action I could possibly take to get my crutch back when Poe was so much taller, stronger, and bigger than I was, while I was limping.
Poe stood there, waiting. Smiling in that way that was both infuriating and infectious all at once. I grabbed for the crutch but at the last minute he moved it out of reach and I lost my balance. I swayed forward and threw out a hand to catch myself.
But the only thing to hold onto was Poe.
I stumbled into him, barely managing to remain standing. His hand settled on my hip, keeping me upright.
“You don’t have to throw yourself at me,” he said. “Although I’m not complaining.”
“I guess I’ll be living off of one crutch for a while.”
I started towards the base and Poe scrambled in front of me.
“Wait, no. Here, take it.” He tucked the second crutch under my arm.
I looked up at him, waiting. “Are you finished teasing me?”
He shook his head. “Probably not.”
“Why?”
“Your face lights up when you laugh.”
“Stealing my crutch does not make me laugh. It makes me annoyed.”
He grinned. “You’re cute when you’re mad too so it’s a win-win.”
“Poe…” I sighed.
“But really it’s just because I like you. Thought we established that already.”
I went still, my heart jackhammering at my rib cage. There was no dancing around it this time, no imagining it then brushing it aside.
“There, I said it.” He shrugged. “Got tired of waiting for you to figure it out.”
I didn’t move as he trailed his hand down my arm and settled at my waist. His thumb brushed over my chin and I felt every single one of his fingertips, searing with heat, resting so lightly against the curve of my neck and shoulder.
He was smiling too big make a serious attempt at a kiss. But the taste of his laughter was enough to send my crutches clattering to the floor as I caught a fistful of his flight suit and drew him closer.
Then he was plying my mouth open, slow and smooth. The slick heat of his tongue gliding over mine pulled a trembling noise from me and Poe’s arm tightened around my waist, half holding me up when I felt as if I was melting right into him, falling, flying.
A tiny cooing beep made me break away, sucking in a gasp of air. BB-8 stood at our feet, staring at us. When he realized he had our attention, he fired off a series of trills and beeps, bumping against Poe’s foot over and over.
Poe blew out a breath. “He wants me to tell you something.”
“Tell me what?” I said, my voice a dry rasp. I couldn’t look at him, my gaze centered on the hollow of his throat instead.
Poe tilted my chin up.
“You’re shaking,” he said gently.
I touched two fingers to Poe’s lips. “Just…in shock.”
The concern in his eyes faded, replaced by a look I knew all too well. He took my hand and pressed a kiss to my palm.
“You do enjoy my company after all,” he said.
I closed my eyes and put a hand on his chest. “Stars, Poe, have a little mercy. Let me catch my breath first before you start that again.”
He listed towards me, lips grazing my forehead in an unspoken apology. As he retrieved my crutches, my hand drifted to rest against his back. Ever since I’d met him, I’d kept him at arm’s length and now I never wanted to stop touching him, seeking out contact in any small way I could find.
BB-8 chattered with beeps and clicks, bumping Poe’s foot with more insistence this time.
“I’m getting there, buddy,” he muttered.
As Poe straightened to stand again, my hand strayed from his back to his side. He fiddled with my crutches, not offering them to me yet, almost as if he needed them for support more than I did at the moment.
“You know that whole…best pilot in the Resistance thing?” he said.
I nodded, waiting for him to continue.
“I never cared about it that much. Most of the time, it’s a nuisance and gets in the way. But it seems to keep people’s spirits up so I go along with it. I really did just want to see you fly and make you laugh a little, you were so serious. This job can eat you alive if you don’t grab some fun when you can. BB-Eight thinks I should have told you right from the beginning to avoid any misunderstandings.”
“He does have a point.” I paused and tugged on the lapel of his flight suit. “But you can tell BB-Eight, I already figured that out.”
Poe raised his eyebrows. “You did?”
I nodded. “Not at first but I see it now. You could have checked me off as a lost cause when my ship went down but you stayed with me. You could have ignored me when I had trouble sleeping after the crash but you distracted me, took my mind off of it. People look up to you for your dedication to more than just this…” I gestured to the landing pad filled with ships around us. “…and that’s why you’re the best pilot in the Resistance.”
He studied me for a moment in silence, no quips at the ready, no teasing in his eyes. BB-8 glanced back and forth between us as Poe’s hand came to rest against my cheek, his nose barely brushing against mine.
“It has a few perks though,” he said.
I eyed him, wary. “Like what?”
Some trick or joke had to be tucked up his sleeve somewhere, I thought. But nothing came. A smile so soft blossomed across his face and this...this was just Poe, plain and simple, his heart on his sleeve.
“You,” he whispered.
When he bit his bottom lip this time, I didn’t look away, didn’t wrestle with a flush of heat. I took his face in my hands and kissed him breathless like I’d wanted to for months but refused to admit. My crutches clattered to the ground again as Poe buried his fingers in my hair, his deep, contented laughter vibrating low in my mouth.
And BB-8 gave a happy little purr.