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Jimin is good at hiding his feelings. But Namjoon knows.
The sound of the doorknob being turned around catches his attention and he glances at the door as it creaks open. He doesn’t have to look twice to know who it is. He can tell from the shadow, no, he can tell by heart that it’s Jimin.
“Hey..” Jimin walks in hurrily and closes the door behind him, trying to make the least noise.
“Did i wake you up?” Namjoon has always been a late sleeper. He works his ass off day and night. He wishes to get as much rest as he needs. But after years of living together, (which includes countless nights of Jimin sneaking into the his room, hours they’ve spent pouring their hearts out to each other, those untold confessions), staying up is becoming a habit. It’s like a routine for him to wait for Jimin to come over just like every other night.
“Nah, knew you’d come,” Namjoon shifts to the side of the bed to make some space for Jimin.
Jimin plops down and turns to his side so he’s facing him, “Am I bothering you?”
Namjoon furrows his brows for a quick moment and then he turns around to face Jimin too. Never in a million years he would think Jimin is a bother. If anything, Namjoon likes having moments likes this, when they’re this close. He likes staring at Jimin’s face. He really likes Jimin’s pretty face. And he really likes Jimin.
“You know the bed feels warmer with you in it,” he says with a smile. Jimin’s eyes turn into crescents and he giggles softly. He plays with the hem of Namjoon sleeves, slowly breaking the eye contact. Namjoon can tell he’s nervous about something. He can tell by the look in his eyes, his jittery gestures, and the pace of his breath. Sometimes it’s crazy, Namjoon thinks. How he knows Jimin too well.
“Hey.. is there something on your mind?” he asks as he brushes over the younger male’s fringe dangling over his forehead.
“Hm?” Jimin just hums, still trying to avoid Namjoon’s concerned eyes. Namjoon hates it when he does that. Jimin isn’t the type to open up easily. It even took him about one year to be comfortable around Namjoon. And that’s because Namjoon never stopped initiating first. He’s always there; ready to give Jimin a sense of reassurance. His shoulders are always Jimin’s to lean on. His bigger hands are for Jimin to hold on. And his heart, for Jimin to keep.
“Talk to me. I’m listening..,” Namjoon takes one of Jimin’s palms and lightly caresses it. Namjoon learnt that Jimin appreciates physical contact. He’s affectionate with everyone he knows. He has seen the way Jimin plays with Jungkook’s hair, the way he interlocks his fingers with Hoseok’s, the way he casually pecks Taehyung on the forehead. That’s why the first time Jimin hugged him from behind in his sleep, Namjoon may have thought it meant something special. He wishes it was.
Jimin takes a deep breath and finally his gaze is on the older male, “Jungkook talked to me.”
“And?” Namjoon is slightly nervous at the mention of the youngest name. He just hopes it is not about what he thinks it is.
“Well.. not exactly talked. He…” Jimin nibbles his bottom lip for a second. “He confessed to me,” and then his eyes finally meet Namjoon’s.
Namjoon hears it clearly. But he doesnt know why he falls silent for a moment. He can feel a rush of emotions going through his body, going straight to his head. He opens his mouth to say something, but he stops.
“I know.. It’s weird,” Jimin laughs nervously, his eyes strays away from Namjoon’s again. Namjoon feels his heart sinking a little. “He said he likes me. And I think I feel the same way, hyung,” his heart sinks a little more.
“I dont know what to do. It’s a new feeling. I dont know who to talk to. I’m not ready to tell the others yet,” he stops for a second and takes a good look in Namjoon’s eyes, takes the older's hand and fiddles with his fingers. “I know you’d understand me. You always do.”
And that’s when Namjoon’s heart stops, and then it’s beating fast all over again. His anxiety starts to build up, he’s fidgeting, he hopes Jimin doesn’t notice. He doesn’t want Jimin to read through his insecurity. He hates it. The last thing he wants is Jimin knowing how fragile his heart actually is, how weak he always feels, how he would do anything for Jimin, even if it means feeling pain to the core.
Namjoon gathers his words carefully before finally returning a small smile, “It’s not weird, Jimin-ah. Why would you think that?” He grips Jimin’s small palm tighter and brings himself closer to the smaller male. “Whatever you’re feeling, is not wrong at all, there isnt any boundary to how we feel about someone. If Jungkook really likes you, I’m glad. He is a great person.”
Jimin presses his lips together and watches Namjoon with such careful eyes, Namjoon almost lost it, but he pauses to retain himself before he continues.
“And you, Jimin. You’re wonderful in so many ways. You have the most beautiful smile, and the kindest soul. I’ve never met anyone like you in my life. Trust me, I will never, ever replace you for anyone else. Jungkook would be so lucky to have you.”
“Hyung..”
“I want you to trust your heart. Nothing is stopping you, Jimin. But the moment you give your heart away to someone, you’re letting yourself to be hurt. And if it ever happens, which I hope it never will, I want you to know its okay, and I’m always here. Always waiting for you to come over in the middle of the night. And it will never change. Okay?”
Jimin is already on the verge of tears and Namjoon quickly pulls him into a gentle hug. He didn’t mean to make him cry, he knows the younger is always soft at his words. He has to let it out, as much as it hurts him to say it himself. Namjoon isn’t dumb. He has known from the start. The two have been stealing glances and trading soft touches when they think no one is paying attention. No one can make Jungkook happy the way Jimin can. No one can make Jimin smile the brightest smile like Jungkook can. They’re both kids ridiculously in love. So Namjoon isn’t exactly surprised, but hearing it from Jimin’s own mouth is something else.
Even so, Namjoon did hope the things he realised, saw and noticed were untrue. He hoped the connection between the two was merely platonic. It’s not like the rest of them are not affectionate with each other. Sometimes Hoseok casually sits on his lap, and Taehyung hugs Yoongi when they sleep on the same bed, Seokjin always backhugs Jungkook at the most random times. But all of them know they’re just close friends, no emotions or feelings involved in the matter. And so he hoped thinking there was still a chance somehwere, yet he hoped a bit too much.
“Promise you will always be here for me hyung? I’m just.. scared,” Jimin sniffs and grips on the older’s shirt tighter.
“I promise Jimin. And you know i dont break my promises right?” Namjoon can feel a smile forming on Jimin’s face. He suddenly feels at ease, but his heart is thumping hard he is sure Jimin can hear it. He doesn’t mind.
“Thank you hyung, i love you,” Jimin mutters softly as he closes his eyes. Namjoon just watches as the younger slowly falls asleep. He pulls the blanket over and watches a little longer, intertwining their fingers, and absorbs himself in the sight of Jimin sleeping in his embrace.
He finally replies, “I love you too, Jimin-ah, I always do.”
And Namjoon thinks, perhaps, this will be the last time their hearts will be this close, side by side, beating the same rhythm. And at this moment, he likes to think their hearts are beating for each other. And maybe that will be enough.