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“Heheheheh. I always did think you were in the closet, Bro.” You chuckle as you throw the door open and reveal a very uncreatively hidden Bro Strider.
You are rewarded a glare for your troubles. “Egbert, shut the fuck up. Get a move on or we'll both get caught.”
“Bro, it's just hide and seek.” Sure, hide and seek with dangerously high stakes involving embarrassing secrets, but still just hide and seek.
Bro was unamused. “Do I have to get a sign and put it on this fucking door before you get the hint? No Egberts allowed in the Striderfort. I will go all 3rd grade on you and kick you out just by merit of private clubhouse rules.”
You pout and lean on the door. “You're a thirty six year old man. Grow up and let me hide with you! Look, there's blankets, we can totally cover ourselves. Jade will never guess we're in here!”
Bro scoffed. “Talk about being in the closet, Egbert. You're the one trying to coerce me under the covers.”
“Uggghhh. C'mon, man, you know this is a good idea. You can't kick me out now that I've let such a helpful gem slip.”
“Jesus christ, dude, I don't even give a shit anymore. Jade's getting down to the tens, I counted with her. Get in, loser, we're going shopping.” You find a large hand being wrapped around your bicep and you're jerked inside in a very undignified fashion.
“Jesus! You don't have to pull me in. Laying hands on such a beautiful virgin body is almost a crime.”
“Should've known you're a virgin. Just get the fucking blankets.”
“...I can't reach them, asshole!”
“Oh, right, because of the whole midget thing. Right. Here.”
“Bro-” You swear to god. If he makes another reference to your height you might shove him out of the closet yourself.
“Shh. Only blankets now.” With that statement, he shoves them in your face, breaking off your swears to god and muffling both your breathing and your voice.
“Mrrph. Fucker.”
“Fuck, shut up, she's coming. Down, down. Under the blankets.” He slumps down suddenly, bringing you with him. You both shuffle around until it seems you make a convincing pile of blankets. Shit yes, you had somehow come out on top and were the big spoon! Bro pokes you in the sides and you stifle your laughter in his neck. Wait, did he just shiver?
You smirk. “Well, this is rather intimate. And I always thought you were more of a big spoon kind of guy, Bro.” You feel him relaxing into your position. It's nice, you decide, to have such a normally imposing man (and your crush, but you don't talk about that) lying in your arms like putty. A real live living being! Here! And you're holding him and wow, he smells really nice.
“Are you sniffing my hair?”
Your face goes red. What should you answer to that?
“Man, don't even answer that. I know you were.”
“Way to make it awkward, Bro.”
“Man, I wasn't the one who was sniffing cologne. I would say you made it awkward far before I even opened my mouth.”
(You are the homo, it is you. But you can still save this.) “Maybe if you didn't drown yourself in Axe I wouldn't be gasping for air!”
“Low blow, man. Low blow. Shut your pie-hole.”
“Make me.”
“Oh, I think I can.”
“I don't believe you. Prove it.” This should be good. You'll just lick his hand. Or is that too weird?
“Five bucks says I can do that and get this hiding spot all to myself too.”
Oh, he is so on. “Oh, you are so on. I raise you ten.” You're sure you have a few bucks to spare.
“Ten it is.”
“You're such a cocky-” Whoa, wait, he's getting really close to your face and – yeah. Yeah, those are his lips. On yours. You can't even respond. You just lie there letting him kiss you tenderly. Way to get your ass in gear, Egbert.
By the time you've collected your motor functions, he's pulling away, but now you find you're speechless. This is quickly becoming a problem.
“I'll take it I win both parts of the bet.”
You can do nothing past stare at him in shock for a moment. He's looking more and more uncomfortable, his mouth setting into a thinner line as the seconds tic. In the dark light, you can't see any hint of his eyes. You find yourself panicking, examining everything. His hands drawing away from your waist. How hot it's getting under the blanket.
Fuck, you've gotta salvage this.
You clear your throat. There is fire in your eyes, and steel in your muscles.
“Nah, I think you owe me five bucks, Bro.” Your voice breaks on his name, and you giggle without meaning to.
He pauses, and in that pause you decide to draw him in, crashing your lips together with a sense of purpose this time, bumping his teeth accidentally and intertwining your legs and shit he just bit your lip-
“Haha! I found youuoh my god.” Jade's voice, you think. You pull back so fast you hit your head on the wall and yelp. “Having fun, boys?” She giggles and turns around. “Hey Dave! Check it out!”
You and Bro are frantically writhing in an attempt to get out of the closet, but only end up tangling your legs and the blanket and tumbling out of the closet in a compromising position. Is your life just one series of soap opera tropes after another? When will this shit end?
“Who'd you f-” Dave falters, too, upon seeing you and his brother. He throws his hands up in the air and walks straight back out.
“They were totally macking, dude.”
“Don't want to hear it.”
“I think I saw some tongue action in there.”
“Nope, done. Out.”
Bro groans and you remember there's an actual human being under you. You stammer an apology and scramble off, taking the blanket with you and throwing it in Jade's face, then grabbing Bro's hand and hauling him up.
You decide not to let go for a while.